Status Update: From Envy to Eccentricity in the Age of Social Media

As the only child of two hard-working Chinese parents, I was constantly told to make my family proud and get a good education at an Ivy League university.

I got straight A’s in high school, earned the title of valedictorian, and spent more time at the library than I did at home. When I finally got accepted into my dream university, I felt as if I had been preparing for this moment my entire life.

I knew going through an Ivy League program would be difficult, but I was hardly prepared for the trials that lay ahead. As the coursework intensified, I found myself surrounded by incredibly talented individuals, each with their own impressive achievements and aspirations.

When I was in high school, everyone around me did the bare minimum. Rising to the top of the class was a piece of cake. But when I enrolled in university, everyone around me was also reading six or seven books on the side to get ahead. My professors would skip over entire volumes of material, waving it off as “common knowledge.” Before my first semester was over, a panic attack landed me in the emergency room. I was physically incapable of coping with the stress.

I’m not sure whether it was my own pride, or if I simply didn’t want to disappoint my parents, but I felt as if I couldn’t back down. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could survive in this toxic environment, but I refused to quit. For ten long years, I slaved through my bachelor’s, master’s, and Ph.D.

I can’t even begin to express how relieved I felt to finally walk away from that environment. For the first time in a decade, I could breathe again. I’ll never forget the first time I put a bag of popcorn in the microwave and didn’t feel guilty for failing to use that time to work on my dissertation.

My mental health improved drastically. I started seeing a psychiatrist, thoughts of suicide vanished, and I was finally starting to enjoy life.

But then, one by one I started seeing my old classmates on LinkedIn. One of my friends led the research team that developed the Moderna COVID vaccine, another keeps on getting invited to speak at TED, and yet another just got his startup funded by Y Combinator. Meanwhile, I’ve spent the last few years slacking off and doing nothing to change the world.

I can’t help but feel a pang of inadequacy when I see the accomplishments of my old classmates. If I only worked harder and allowed myself to be consumed with research, I could be on track to replace Dr. Fauci in another decade or two. And I’m not saying this hypothetically — a former research partner is in that position right now.

Once again, that all-too-familiar voice whispers in my ear. I’ve squandered my potential. I’m wasting my life. I’ll never be enough.

But in these moments of self-reflection, I force myself to remember that the path to success is not a one-size-fits-all journey. Comparing myself to others only serves to diminish my own worth and overlook the unique strengths and experiences that make me who I am.

Each of us has our own timeline, our own passions, and our own definition of success. Your worth is not measured solely by external accolades or societal validation, but by the relationships we build, and the joy we find in the process.

Success takes many forms, and it is not always visible. While some may excel in research or entrepreneurship, others may find fulfillment in creativity, advocacy, or nurturing meaningful relationships. Each person’s journey is unique, and the impact we make extends far beyond the scope of a job title or a prestigious position.

Most importantly, prioritize your own mental health and well-being. Success should never come at the cost of your happiness or ability to enjoy life. Celebrating small victories, finding gratitude in the present moment, and cultivating self-compassion are all vital aspects of personal growth.

Embrace the path you’ve traveled, celebrate the person you’ve become, and trust that your unique contributions to the world will unfold in due time. Success is not a destination. It’s a lifelong pursuit.