Thread 40: Stories 46-60

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 >Pennydrop
"Bottom Line"
'???'

>Intern, status report.

"The Hall is on fire, we're being invaded by Gumball Barbarians, everyone else ran away screaming, and I'm only here because you clamped a literal dog collar and leash around my neck."

>Hmmm, the situation is more dire than I thought. Oh well, I could use some good PR anyway.

"Huh?"

Pennydrop traipses over to her office's closet, opening it to reveal a skin-tight suit and a stylish headset.

>Dum dee dum~

"Uh...Ms...Ms Pennydrop?"

>No time to chat, wage slave, I didn't drag this company to where it is today to NOT fight Chaos Monsters and become a national hero.

Clad in her gear, Penny sits down in her chair.

>Break that glass next to you or you're fired.

Bottom Line blinks and looks at the glass on the wall next to him.

"In case of Monsters, Dragons, and Tax Collectors?"

>Less talky more breaky.

Bottom Line breaks the glass, causing the floor all around Penny and her desk to sink down down down until she's out of sight, mechanical whirring is heard from the hole, a great grinding of gears and shrieks of metal.

"Uh...Ms. Pennydrop? Miiiiiiss Pennydrop? Ms. Pen-EEP!"

Bottom Line is cut off by a massive figure erupting from the floor and bursting from the roof. A candy corn dragon flying above is grabbed by a pair of metallic arms that wrap around it and soon send it slamming pointy headfirst into the ground. Its killer stands before the burning Hall of the Future, its voice booming out proudly.

'METAL DEER REX OPERATIONAL'

Inside it Pennydrop gives a wide grin.

>Okay...

She rams the throttle forward.

>LET'S PARTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY~!!!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 non-canon
>Spike
"Applejack"
'Rarity'
~~~
>Wow, these guys totally have trashed Partyland, and this is only the grand opening!

"Uhhh... Spike, what's wit' that relaly weird line delivery?"

'Yes, and... where did that sword and black version of Charity come from?'

Spike is suddenly impaled by a bunch of candy spiders

"'SPIKE!'"

Spike casually begins walking with the spiders being dragged along with him, one of them is casually kicked out of the way and goes flying

>THIS PARTYLAND'S GETTING CRAZY!

Spike hits a button on a jukebox

Then hits it again

Finally just slams the machine, finally getting some rock music going
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 Non Canon as all hell.

>77
"Cheerilee"

77 and Cheerilee run down one of the halls of the Partyland Hotel, behind them a legion of malformed jawbreaker juggernauts.

"Oh I knew I shouldn't have told my emergency imps to take the day off! Belphegor Kadmiel Razhnak Terry Foalington where are you!?"

>Leave the knife they said, it'll be fine they said. Knew I should have kept that special Gun Club Anniversary C4 Poppet gave me!

"Quick down this way!"

The two round a corner, their pursuers quick behind, but they find themselves at a dead end! They turn, jaws set, facing their extremely colorful and tasty fates.

"No...it can't end like this, say it isn't so, darling!"

>...dearest...

"...y-yes?"

>I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, but it appears I must make use of a side of me that I had locked away since my younger days.

"D-dear?"

The changeling closes his eyes as the jawbreakers come closer.

>Forgive me, my love...

FWOOSH!

In an instant 77 is transformed, his body now covered in white and red with a helmet now upon his head, he leaps into the air and poses several times before landing in front of the once charging now dumbfounded monsters. He throws a C-Shaped crest from his helmet which bisects the offending assailants in a boomerang arc before returning to his forehead. The monsters inexplicably all explode.

>CHANGELING A GO-GO BABY!

"...what?"
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 >29
"??"
'MM'
[Trixie]
{Zecora}
~~~~~

>BACK! BACK YE' DEVILS!

'You know, I was expecting lasers. Why are you not using the lasers?'

>Mine head so befouled rings with pain upon even the barest hints of attempting to conjure mine power so loving. Thine drugs in mine system yet still poison the veins, it seems.

[...What?]

{He's not feeling well.]

[Oh, ok-...]

>...

'...'

{...What?... Wait a minute...}

>'[AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!]'

'WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR VOICE!?'

[STRANGER DANGER!]

>Thine tongue has been twisted most foul! Rent were thine beautiful words from thou's striped, well chiseled lips. WOE! Woe unto those who must hear you speak with naught that which made you so unto a red star in a blue sky! WOE!

{...It's not that bad-}

>WOOOOOOE!

*POW!*

>OW!

"Will you shut up!? You're giving me a headache!"

>HOW DARE THE... my Queen! How glorious again to be in your bare minimum seven out of ten visage!

"..."

>Well, while you are here, I'm actually having some performance issues that I'd like to discuss.

"...Not for all the bits in the world."

With that, she shoved past him.

>But my Queen! Mine ability to shift and grow has been hampered! I feel as if I were not a changeling at all, but some poor, neutered sap, no longer able to rise to the occasion like a majestic oak! I feel as if I... WAIT NO! NOT LIKE THAT! I MEANT MY MAGIC!

"Don't care what you called it! And I'm telling everyone about your 'issues'!"

>NO NO NO MY ACTUAL MAGIC DON'T TELL OTHERS THAT!

"I'm gonna!"

>HAVE MERCY!

"Nope!"

>...BLAST!

'..'
[...]
{...Bummer, dude.}

>YOU HUSH UP!
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 Non-Canon

>???
"???"
~~~
>ATTENTION, LITTLE PONIES! PLEASE SUBMIT YOURSELVES TO SCIENTIFIC INQUIRY AND YOUR HARM WILL BE LIMITED TO WHAT I WILL DO TO YOU IN MY EXPERIMENTS!

"PB, this really doesn't feel right... I mean they all look like Lady Rainicorn, and I can't imagine hurting Lady Rainicorn. Especially that one with wings over there."

>Finn, look at their eye to head ratio, they clearly cannot be intelligent enough to be considered sapient!

"... yeah, that went over my head, I'm just gonna march back through that portal and see if Marceline needs help on her album."

>Wait! This invasi- I mean scientific expedition needs you! All I'm left with are the banana guard! Oh... nuts. I should have listened to the advice against imperialistic expansion.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Pinkie
"Dash"
'???'
[???]
{???}
~???~
~~~~~~~~
>ATTENTION PARTYGOERS! I would like to remind you all this is not, this is NOT, an attraction. Do not attempt to hug the GIANT MUTANT CREARTURES!... THANK YOU!
“Was that really necessary?”

>Apparently! Didn’t think so, but what do you know!?

“Sooo, what’s the plan now?”

She was answered, with a crash.

A big one.

>…

‘…Ow.’

“When I said get on the ground, AJ, I meant slowly. with actual landings.”

[She hasn’t gotten the hang of it yet, darling.]

‘Shaddup.’

>You okay, Spike?

{No yeah, perfectly fine. I just look like a stretchy toy post sociopathic toddler, that’s all.}

>Oh… AJ? Pull on his tail.

{WHOA HEY!}

Without even bothering to question it, because of course you don’t question Pinkie, she did as asked and pulled on his tail, eliciting a fierce blush.

And then his limbs spun together like a pulled by a pulley, and he was back to normal.

{…Ohhh, oh, okay, no yeah that makes sense.}

[Aww, I liked you taller…]

>I feel like something is still missing-

Her words meant nothing anymore as the wall across the room exploded outward, salt flavored water rushing into the room and immediately drying up right before their eyes.

Followed, of course, by a pretty purple princess of science… and HATE.

~Okay, so, I’m going to have to ask you all what the tubular tests is going on and WHY!?~

>Uhhh…

“Yeah, because obviously we’d know.”

~NOT IN THE MOOD DASH!~

‘Eeesh, what’s got ya’ll so ticked off-‘

Just then, a gigantic pole rocketed from the ceiling and dug into the ground, and from seemingly nowhere a white stallion slid down, and started gyrating on it.

>…
“…”
‘…’
[…Is that..]
{…M-my eeeeeyyyyeeesss….}

~He WON’T LEAVE ME ALONE!~

She fired a bolt of magic, exploding the stallion into vapor.

"...That wasn't the real thing, right-"

~NO!~

"You sure?"

~...~

"Right, sorry."

~Now we need to get together, stop gawking like idiots, and-…Where’s Fluttershy? We need Fluttershy. Now.~

{That’s just it, we don’t know~}

“We’ve been looking all over.”

[But nothing.]

‘Not a sign o’ tha gal.’

~Well, then the plan is obvious, we need to get together, and-~

She blasted in the air, catching the figure before he made it down.

~STOP! DISCORD! ~

“RIGHT! Let’s all take to the air, and start kicking some chaos ass! Pinkie, you’ll have to ride shotgun with… Pinkie?”

>How… he did the chaos know exactly how big he is? It’s freaking exact!

“…”
‘…’
[..]
{…}
~...We are never speaking of this again. Agreed?~

{BLEEEGHHHHHH!}

~Agreed. Now… WHERE THE HELL IS FLUTTERSHY!?~

"??"
~~~~~

To answer the alicorn’s question, we must take a trip through time itself. To the very night before, just after the stroke of midnight, and it’s humble beginnings.

It all began as a certain yellow filly was stalking about in the gift shop, idly searching through the various wares on its shelves. A toy picked up here, a candy bar there, but the little yellow filly just could not make up her silly little mind. She didn’t know exactly what she wanted, just that she wanted it.

“Ah!”

She cried with joy, as she picked up a squeaky toy hammer.

“This is exactly what I wanted, the perfect thing to buy. I do know that it is perfect, but I do not know why. Still, I think that very few would ever care, since if they tried to have it for themselves that wouldn’t be fair. I’ll take this thing and call it my own. And with it… whoever fucks with me is getting a broken skull bone-“

And then her head exploded into glitter.

…She was a clone, if you have not put it together.

“DARN IT!” The real one cried out. “What do I have to do to keep you all from getting out!?”

The glitter began to float away, as if pulled by some invisible force.

“NOT THIS TIME!”

She outstretched her hoof, and the glitter froze, hovering in the air.

“You’re just like the others, but I’m not letting any of you go anymore! Not this time! This time? You’re coming home, just like the others did! You are going to come right back and think about what you’ve done!”

The glitter reversed, flowing upward, back into her skin and dissolving away.

“There, now was that so… w-was that… so...”

She stumbled, suddenly feeling quite unwell. Her lips let out a groan and her hooves clutched to her head. Atop said head, a horn normally yellow began to flicker red.

“N-no, no I can control you… I can do this…”

Her mane started to flash, all sorts of colors and shapes glowing inside of her hair.

“I-I-I’m not going to… not going to let you push me around!"

Her wings started to twist and reshape.

“I did it for the others, I can do it for this too! It’s just a little more, it’s not a big deal, I don’t have to call anyone, I can do this!”

Her hind legs began to snap and twist, painfully taking on a new shape.

“I can do this…”

Slowly, her back began to stretch.

“I can do this!”

Finally, her pupils began to change.

“I! CAN! DO! THIS!”

And then it all went away, and she was back to normal.

A hoof raked the sweat off her brow, and her breathing became less shallow.

“… I knew I could-“

And then it all exploded.

From every pore, from every thread of hair, from every single corner of her body the magic exploded out, as if she were a balloon that had popped. It reached outward, grabbing hold of everything it’s magic could touch, twisting and changing everything. It grew, and grew, and grew, until she felt she was stretched out over all of partyland like piece of rubber, even as her body remained exactly where it had been.

“OH NO! OH NO! OH DEAR PLEASE STOP! PLEASE STOP COME BACK! OH NO! I’M SORRY! I CAN FIX THIS! I CAN FIX THIS!”

No matter how she tried, it would not come back.

“I’M SORRY! I’M SORRY! I’M SORRY!”

As she stood there shaking in regret, concoctions of varying shapes and sizes curled around her, forming into an almost protective bubble. She wept, unable to move, unable to do anything.

“I’M SORRY!... I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”

Slowly, her eyes closed, and the images of insanity filled her head.

“…I’m sorry…”

The creatures of chaos paid her no mind.

Partyland was theirs, and oh what fun they were going to have.

And quite the ways away was another chaos creature, but this one felt no joy. He felt only sadness as he futilely snapped his fingers, only making the problem worse as the things not created by him took hold of the magic and made it their own. He could not send them away, no matter how he tried.

To come closer would mean more damage.

To try his hand would only make it worse.

All he could do, with any action, would bring more chaos.

And never once, in his whole life, had that felt so horrible to say.

“I’m sorry…”
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 "Heave to ya poxy curs!" Evergreen's voice boomed out over the frantic frenzy of activity that was the now grounded Widow's Regret, "The lads in the tower bought us time and if we don't use it, we'll all be heads on pikes by nightfall!"

"You heard him, boys, faster with the damned guns!" Daw shouted, grasping a rope between her teeth attached to one corner of a cannon. On the other corners were the rest of the team of pegasi, likewise grabbing at ropes attached to the cannon. As one the four beat their wings with all their strength, slowly lifting the cannon upwards and off the deck.

"And you lot, don't forget about the harpoon gun, we need everything we've got!"

The Regret's trip through the streets of the City of Gold had been a a tumultuous and panicked one, the helmsman desperately tossing the ship this way and that as the water level fell. The wild ride came to an end with the Regret leaned against one of the city's great golden walls, and a cannonball from Brahmos' bouncing off the top before crashing into a building deeper in, scattering the most valuable rubble in history. Now it was a mad dash to fortify the walls and prepare for a siege. Even now other teams of pegasi and gryphons were hoisting cannons up into the air and onto the walls as earth ponies and diamond dogs rolled the guns up from belowdecks and carried ammunition up onto the wall.

Jacqueline Daw was no stranger to strangeness on the wild and untamed seas of the Marebbean, but even for her the situation she was in seemed surreal. Besieged by the bastard who had ruined her life when it had only just begun, rushing to fortify a city where a single house could set her up for life on a beach in the Gallopagos, counting on the abilities of a stallion she'd only met a trifling couple of weeks ago, and all of them hedging their bets on a magical gem that sat in the very center of the city. That time in Singapony had nothing on this.

The cannon fell upon the battlements with a rough clunking noise, a waiting pair of an Earth Pony and Diamond Dog quickly set about wheeling it towards the edge that faced the sea.

"That'll be th' last of 'em," Daw told the other pegasi as the last few cannons were lowered onto the wall, "Get to yer positions and just remember, if we're t'die here, we might as well drag as many of these scum-sucking wretches down t'hell with us, aye!?"

The pirates around shouted a rousing affirmative as Daw strode to the very edge of the wall and looked out at the vast array of ships in the distance. Brahmos was keeping his distance for now, sizing up the potential for further surprises no doubt. There was a stirring in her bones, a feeling of anticipation, what had begun with Evergreen's crew laying siege to the Diamond Dogs of Barkbados would soon come full circle with the mind behind the villains laying siege to them. The question was, would Brahmos' followers and toadies break themselves upon the golden walls of the lost city like the pirates nearly had all those many years ago? Daw could not be certain of anything but a singular cold fact:

No matter what was to happen, today Brahmos would meet his oh so well deserved end.

"I've seen that look in your eyes before, Jacqueline," Evergreen's voice snapped Daw out of her instrospection.

"I was thinkin'," Daw said with a deferential nod.

"About what?" Evergreen arched an eyebrow, he knew of course, but it was his nature to ask.

"Vengeance mostly," Daw replied with a glare at the ships, "He's out there, we both know it, and he's long overdue to meet his end at my blade."

"Do not be hasty," Evergreen cautioned, "Brahmos is formidable, yes, and a priority if this battle is to be won, but he is a single man out of many. Do not let sight be so clouded that you miss the dagger nearing your throat."

"Of course not, just...just saying my intent is all," Daw sighed, looking back at the tower, "You think those idiots survived their little magic trick?"

"We can only hope, Rat would be useful when they try to storm the walls," Evergreen said with a nod, "And Doc would be invaluable in keeping the injured alive...and then there's Pommel."

"Aye, then there's Pommel," Daw shook her head, "Crazy bastard, one second he's moaning about how we ain't got a chance in hell, then when Doc put forth his idea, the pale fuck goes stormin' headfirst into the damned breach."

"A lad of many contradicitions," Evergreen noted, "Declares himself a coward, then tackles a minotaur off of Tortoiga."

"Heh, calls himself an idiot, then blows a gang of monsters to kingdom come," Daw shook her head, "Dunno if it's all an act or if he really thinks he's inept."

"Perhaps the coming storm will show it, I know not," Evergreen smirked, "Though I would hope he survives, he's my best hope for grandchildren."

"HA!" Daw barked out a laugh and jabbed her mentor in the shoulder, "Th' day I'm cookin' fer a bunch of heathen fillies and colts is th' day they hang me, I ain't th' type."

"Well I used to think I wasn't the type to save a little filly from slavery, but here we are," Evergreen gave a knowing smile, his good eye glinting in the sunlight, "And if I've anything to say about it here we'll stay."

"Aye, cap'n," Daw nodded, "What do ya think the chances are we all make it outta this, ballpark as they say."

"All of us? Slim to none, I...damn," Evergreen's jaw clenched, he retrieved a spyglass from within his greatcoat, "Looks like we'll be findin' out sooner rather than later."

Without another word, Evergreen handed Daw the glass, the pegasus looked through it and her heart skipped a beat.

Rowboats, dozens of them in tight formations crested the waves, all of them headed to make landfall within minutes.

"PREPARE YOURSELVES, MEN!" Evergreen boomed, "THEY'RE COMIN' FOR US!"

----------------------

'So that's the long and short of it, we 're up against Brahmos, he's got a fuckton of ships, and we've got one. If he kills all of us, he's not going to be keen on-'

'MINOTAUR.'

'...yeah?'

'INCOMPATIBLE.'

'With what? You?'

'MAGIC. REQUIRED.'

'To talk to you, yeah?'

'SUCCESSOR.'

'Okay, now we're going in circles. I'll be frank, we win, we'll negotiate with you, try to work something out-'

'SUBMIT.'

'NEGOTIATE. We will NEGOTIATE. Brahmos will NOT. If Brahmos kills me, you lose your SUCCESSOR...whatever the hell you mean by that.'

'...TWO.'

'Beg pardon?'

'LEAVE. TWO. SIGNAL. POWER.'

'Leave two guys?'

'YES.'

'And then give them a signal?'

'YES.'

'Then they'll hit you with a magic blast aaand..'

'DESTROY. THEM. ALL.'

'...I think I'm starting to like you.'

-----------------------

"Th' fuck is this?" Daw asked, eyes glaring down at the sight before her.

Of the many rowboats that had approached the city, only one had landed, crewed by an envoy waving a white flag. An envoy made of two very imposing Diamond Dogs...

And one very familiar earth pony.

"OI! WIV CUM 'ERE'S WIFFA A MESS'GE FRUM BRAHMOS!" The pea-green earth pony shouted, his looking like it had been on the wrong side of a brawl with a battering ram.

Daw smirked, looking at Evergreen, "Oh please...please let me talk t'this little gobshite."

Evergreen gave a grin back and nodded his assent.

"OI! YEW LISTNIN UP THERE!?" Guttersnipe shouted from below.

"Oh aye aye!" Daw replied from the walls, "I just needed a minute to remember who ya were after my friends bashed your ugly face in!"

Guttersnipe clenched what few teeth he had left, "Haw haw haw, pull th' feckin' other one, ya poxy wench! Brahmos is wantin' t'thank ye fer bringin' 'im to 'is new cappidal, and 'e's willin' to let ya allll walk free if'n ya jus' surrender!"

Daw shot a look towards Evergreen, eyebrow arched, "He can't think we're going to fall for that, right?"

Evergreen shrugged, "He could be trying to perserve as much of his new 'capital' as he can."

Daw smirked, "Almost makes you wanna turn the cannons back on the city and open fire, eh?"

"If there weren't so many more promising targets I'd take you up on that," Evergreen nodded back towards Snipe, "Give him our answer."

Daw turned back towards the pea green earth pony, a hoof on her chin, "Well Mr. Guttersnipe, we've thought long and hard about your offer and we've decided...we surrender."

BOOM!

Guttersnipe's response became a yelp as the Dog to his left was suddenly stricken with a terminal case of cannonball to the torso, sending him flying back.

"NOW MOVE A LITTLE CLOSER, YA GOBSHITE, WE'LL SURRENDER THE PISS RIGHT OUT OF YA!" Daw roared at the now rapidly retreating earth pony, the white flag left behind on the sandy shores of the island as the other Diamond Dog bearing it ran alongside Snipe.

"A bold declaration," Evergreen noted, "Think that'll goad them into rushing in?"

As one the rowboats began their advance a new, legions of pirates set to conquer the

"You tell me, here they come," Daw went for her cutlass, this was going to be one hell of a fight.

----------------

"So we left Tide, Keel, and Shoals back at the watchtower so that you can give a signal to them so they can blast the evil gem of doom which will power up the monster inside of it to use for some kind of attack against Brahmos when the time is right, thusly winning us the battle?" Rat asked as he, Pommel, Shoals, and Reel galloped through the glimmering streets of the City of Gold, leaping across fissures and crags in the streets, dodging clumps of sand and sun-bleached bones of aquatic creatures littering the thoroughfares, "Am I gettin' that right?"

"Just about it!" Pommel replied, light on his hooves as he hopped a miniature dune, "I was right, damn thing wanted to stay alive just as much as we did, or at least wanted me to stay alive!"

"But if only two guys can power it, what's the third guy for?" Reel asked, trying to dislodge a crab that had attached itself to his tail.

"To watch for the signal, so the two other guys can just blast the thing at the same time," Pommel lept another crack in the ground, "We can't leave anything here to chance!"

"Aside from the obvious risks of entrusting ourselves to the whims of a mad sea god," Doc pointed out gruffly, "This whole situation has spiraled quite out of control."

"It stopped being controllable the second we entered the sea where there's nothing but storms," Pommel looked at the walls, they growing closer with every step, and so was another battle he didn't think he had any chance of surviving, let alone winning, even with the monster on his side.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

The sound of a broadside made Pommel's pace quicken, the battle, it seemed, had begun.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Chrysalis
"18"
'???'
~~~~

>OOGA CHAKA OOGA OOGA OGGA CHACKA BLAM!

"Do you have to sing for EVERYTHING you kill? Can you not just kill a thing and move on? Seriously, I'm asking, it's so annoying."

>I am under no obligation to sing.

"Thank goodness-"

>BOOM DE YADA BOOM DE YADA BOOM DE YATTA!

"AGGRHHHH!"

*CRASH!*

'MAJESTY! I am here to protect... you...'

>Thanks, 42, got it covered.

'I can see that... You sure you don't need some punchbug punches?'

>Got it.

'I can punch you know.'

>Well aware.

'...Kind of my thing...'

>Ahhh, don't be like that, lots of dimensions to you, I'm sure. GET READY TO EXPLOOOODE!

'Oh... okay...'

"She's having fun."

>I'm having fun!

"See?"

'...I'll just... stick around, in case you need me.'

>You do that.... HERE COMES THE... HERE COMES THE, YA'LL DON'T REALLY WANT IT NOW!

*BOOOOM!*

>AND HERE COMES THE-

*BOOOM!*

>ALRIGHT!?

"How do you know so many songs about exploding!?"

>Celestia has an amazing record collection.

"...Horrifying."

>I didn't think so. CLICK CLICK BOOM!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >???
~~~~~

Chaos magic was a very odd thing.

This seems like an obvious statement, but it was nonetheless very true. It was an odd, odd thing. For instance, during the initial wave of magic outburst, it did not touch everything. There were certain objects that it avoided, not out of any real intention, just because. But these objects, so close in proximity to the source of all of this magic, could not stay hidden forever.

Their time had finally come, it seemed. Another random burst of power arced over them, covering them, infusing it's magic into them. Within cardboard boxes and behind thin sheets of plastic, red orbs ignited, coming to life within it's confines. With rips and tears and the shredding of paper, the boxes fell apart, and at last they emerged.

And they grew, and grew, and grew some more, until each one stood tall, nearly as tall as Celestia.

Five figures stood together in a circle, each regarding one another strangely, but none spoke.

Instead, one stepped forward, and the other four conceded to it, very reluctantly in some cases, but conceded all the same.

The large, marking covered face scanned around, taking in all of the chaos that unfolded. With a stern, resolute nod, she regarded the four.

>You know what we have to do.

All at once, they nodded.

>Chitania Crushers, it's time to save the world!

Two cheered in agreement, one far more bubbly than the other, one gave a neutral nod, the last one just scoffed and looked away.

>Let's stomp into action!

Heroically, she pointed at the hotel.

>And save all these poor creatures from those evil, evil ponies!

Plastic wings beat against likewise plastic chitin, and with a roar charged forward.

>Crushers, we'll save them all, GET READY TO BRAWL!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >13
"Various"
~~~~

>What are you waiting for...

They were all just... staring. Just staring at her through her window. Nobody was attacking her, nobody was harassing her, nobody was moving. Not the jack in the box with a lions head, not the intersecting sentient ferris wheels, not even the giant silver eyeball with a dollar sign in the middle. They all just... stared.

>WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?

Outside, beyond her reach...

"You feel that?"

"Yeah. Wooo, that ain't pretty."

"You said it. Should we at least put it out of it's misery?"

"What, and get close to it? Your funeral."

"No yeah, that makes sense. Bail?"

"Bailing."

>...WHY ARE YOU FLYING AWAY WHAT DO YOU WANT!?

"Good thing we're doing this now, she seems clingy."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Chitania
"???"
'???'
[???]
{???}
~~~~

>This is annoying.

Normally, were she anyone else, she would have had a stronger reaction after killing three dancing snakes, fourteen tapdancing worms, and no less than four sentient caramel apples.

But she wasn't.

So she was mostly just annoyed.

Still, all she had to do was get outside, farrr from the walls that are literally cotton candy and probably a bad idea to supersize inside of. Then she could just let her disguise fall away, and fly off. Leaving all of these fools to die or whatever the hell, it didn't matter. Not her problem. Just had to get outside, and then-

"OHMYGODSHIT'SYOU!"

Something slammed into her unmoveable hide, and she knew fear.

"Oh thank goodness! I thought something might've happened to you! I'm so happy to see you're okay!... You have a nice singing voice, by the way."

'Cadence, we don't have time for this!'

"But Shiny, we can't just leave her, she's my buddy! See?"

Nothing made her blood boil more than when she gave a smile and stood like she was posing for a picture.

'Her eyes look like they're about to explode...'

"She's probably scared out of her mind! There are flying buttercakes, Shiny, FLYING BUTTERCAKES!"

>I'm fine.

"Hush hush, I won't hear of it! You are coming with us and that is final!"

[YAY! You get ta' hang out with us, lady! Don't worry, Shiny's got, like, really big shields! He won't let anything happen to ya'!]

{AHHHHHAHAHAH! INDEEEEEED! THERE IS A REASON HIS NAME IS LUMINOUS SHIELD!}

>...What?

'Don't ask. Just... ugh.'

He leaned in close and whispered to her.

'Just play along, I'll look for a time you can get away from her.'

She knew that likely, he was just doing this because he was actually capable of reading body language.

But, unfortunately, it would have to do. No point in risking discovery so soon...

"Come on, buddy! We're gonna go to safety!"

Reluctantly, very reluctantly, she let herself be dragged along.

This was going to end badly.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Celestia
“???”
________

This was getting all kinds of annoying now.

After the fifth attempt at exiting the hotel only to find herself somehow walking right back into a random hallway, Celestia huffed, cheeks blowing out almost childishly.

>Really, Discord… pulling out all the bells and whistles, I see.

When she came across the same door for the thirtieth time, the one marked overhead by the bright green ‘EXIT’ sign, she didn’t even bother opening it the normal way. No, a very concentrated blast of magic from her horn did the job equally as well, if not more so by the way it exploded outwards.

But she was not greeted with the outside. Instead… she saw another hallway.

>...Honestly, if all you wanted to do was spread a little chaos, a formal pre-warning would have been appreciated, you mangy draconequus. You know I like a bit of mischief myself….

Caught up in stamping her hoof as a filly might, Celestia didn’t notice the goblin-like creature made of funnel cake until it had already leapt into the doorway. Well, she had, but considering the madness, and outside of this vexing maze, she was eager to see what this chaos had cooked up.

And she was not disappointed.

>Well, aren’t you just an ugly little th-

Surprisingly, it spat an ice cube at her, which would have normally had about the same effect as a blade of grass. But this ice cube was in the shape of a ninja star, sharp and razor thin, and as it whizzed by managed to produce the smallest of cuts on her cheek.

>Oh dear…

The wound was rather shallow but a few renegade drops of blood still managed to run free. Upon hitting the ground, each drop sizzled like boiling water before eventually melting a quarter-sized hole right through the floor.

The creature stared, first at the floor, then to the bleeding princess.

Why in the world was she was smiling?

>Chaotic monster, you should know that my body… its temperature is hot enough to melt mountains, so you can imagine how scalding my blood must be.

She only took a step forward and with it came a wave of fear that struck the goblin-thing stupid.

>Might as well enjoy myself, right? Last day and still so much pent up stress. You’ll help relieve a touch of that, yes?

And somewhere, racing towards her as fast as he could, a shiver touched the base of Jetset’s spine.

“...She’s having some serious fun.”

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Spike
"DT"
'SS'
(AJ)
{Rarity}
~~~
>Tiara, Spoon, glad you guys are here, any sign of 77 and 42?

"77's probably playing knight in shining armor to Cheerilee, 42, probably will find her sucking Chrysalis'-"

{That is not language for a lady!}

'Uh, what happened to Spike's legs?'

>Long story.

"Gotta admit, you look good with the long legged look."

(Right, puttin' that aside, Ah wan' you an' Spike to-)

"Ugh... I know... EVAC work."

(Huh? Actually I wan' you two on street sweeper duty. Find an' mark survivor locations, but yer primary objective is search an' destroy. Clear tha way fer others.)

{Leave Evacuation to myself, Applejack, and the wonderbolts dears. Oh, and Silver Spoon, I would appreciate your help as well, if you can.}

'Sounds good to me, might wanna back away from Tiara, by the way.'

>Why, what's- WHOA!

DT is now hugging Applejack around the neck, sobbing

"YOU ARE THE BEST PRINCESS!"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >56
“Luna”
‘Dadling’
-Batmom-
________

-I only have one thing to say.-

>An’ we’re gonna have to listen, aren’t we?

‘Unfortunately….’

BOP BOP

>‘OW!’

“We shouldn’t take such pleasure in seeing them struck but we cannot help it.”

-Back to me… I only have one thing to say, and it’s this. I have a secret stash of premium chocolate under the bed, my own little stash of happy. I couldn’t give a rats ass what crazy kooky backwards nonsense is cracking off right now… if anything- I repeat, if ANYTHING- so much as blinks wrong in that general direction, I will hurt everything. Please believe me. Everything.-

>…

BOP

>OW!

-I saw that. I saw you wink.-

>YOU SAID BLINK!

“May we try this… bopping? It pleases us.”

-No your highness, I’ll be the one to sully my hooves against their stupid heads.-

“We appreciate your brave sacrifice, Glimmer.”

>…An’ you’re a-okay with her talkin’ ‘bout us like this?

‘Which one, Luna or my wittle pregger bundle of wuv?’

>…

BOP

>AGH!

-Saw you again. You’re not slick, kid.-

>I’m gonna tell not-mom on you, lady!

-I’ll bring my extra-strength can of raid, then.-

‘It’s true. She has a can. Several.’

>…BUT YOU’RE A BUG, NTL! THAT’S DANGEROUS TO YOUR LIFE!

‘Well, we… she doesn’t use it like, you know, in that way… it’s more, um… when we’re alone and stuff, it’s like a fear and control thing, safe words and all that.’

>WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

“Indeed, we are intrigued as well.”

‘You know what, never mind. Neither the time or the place.’

>I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO CONFUSED IN ALL MY LIFE!

-One blink. I will fuck a Discord up.-

'...Unf.'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 ~~~~

"...Ahhh, crap."

The purple alicorn abruptly froze, looking around in a panic next to her pink friend.

“WHAT WHAT WHAT!?”

“Nothing’s up there.”

Wearily, the orange mare turned her head skywards.

“Uh, Pinkie? Think yer’ a little off base. Looooota stuff up there.”

“This means one thing… we’re about to get a lot of company..”

“What, darling, what does this-“

“HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!”

They all turned, looking up over the horizon of a giant caramel hill that seemed to have formed just so the five figures standing atop it could be silhouetted there. Brazenly, one stepped forward.

“That’s far enough.”

Down below, every eye went wide.

“HOLY SHIT ITS CHITANIA!”

“COME ON, REALLY!? We do not have time for this!”

“…Is it just me, or does she look really weird?”

“That’s right!” The Changeling declared, dramatically swinging out her hoof. “You’re now facing the ultimate fighters, of CHITANIA’S CRUSHERS!”

They froze once more.

And then altogether face hoofed.

“You’ve gotta be freaklin’ kidding me.”

“CRUSHERS, GATHER!”

One by one, they all hopped forward.

“Crushtainia, the wrecker of beuaty!” The violet one declared, idly adjusting a monocle on her eye and her hair.

“Thuntainia, the loyal destroyer!” The blue one nodded sagely, a blank look on her face.

“Titania, the greatest of them all!” The red one cackled, joyfully smashing her hooves together.

“And IIIII’M Smashtania! The silly smasher!” The pink one giggled, bouncing around.

“And we’re…”

“THE CHITANIA CRUSHERS!”

“And we’re going to crush evil!”

They all just… stared.

“…Ah’ feel like we should’a started censorin’ these toys a’fore they got outta hoof.”

“We seriously do not have time for this!” Dash growled, looking around as the world got worse.

“THEN WE SHALL TAKE THAT TIME FOR YOU!”

As one, they groaned.

“Oh, Celestia not again.”

“THAT’S RIGHT!”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ezrbyf6t9mY

One by one, multicolored figures dropped out of the sky, landing before the ponies in striking poses.

'Rainbolt RED, The Crimson Blast! HAH!'

'Rainbolt YELLOW, The Lightning Flash! HWAH!'

'Rainbolt GREEN! Earth Shaking Strike! WAH!'

'Rainbolt BLUE! The Ocean Splitter! YAH!'

'Rainbolt INDIGO! The Nights Warrior! RAH!'

'RAINBOLTS, TOKUSENTAI!'

BOOOM!

“ACK!”

“RIGHT IN MY FACE OH SWEET CELESTIA THE COLORS!”

Sheepishly, Violet rubbed the back of his head. “…Right, forgot you guys were back there. Sorry!”

“But no matter!” Red declared, stepping forward. “We shall take on this team, and you all may go on ahead! I know you may wish to stay and engage them in battle with us, but I assure you we, THE RAINBOLTS, can defeat them with our power! Because in the end, there is nothing as strong, AS TE-“

“They left before you started talking.” Yellow pointed out.

“…Darn it…”

“So, you five are to be our opponents, are you?” The faux-Chitania declared. “Very well. For justice, truth, and all things good in this world, we shall defeat you! NOTHING GROWS TALLER THAN OUR SENSE OF RIGHTOUSNESS!”

“…Wait, hold up,” Green chimed in, “It sounds like you guys-“

“Crushers, we'll save them all, GET READY TO BRAWL!”

As one, they all leapt into the air, all sorts of energy dancing around them.

“…Freaking superhero mixup fights…”
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________