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1
00:01:34,393 --> 00:01:37,593
Happy birthday to me.
Happy birthday to me.

2
00:01:38,693 --> 00:01:41,733
How in hell did I
end up here again..

3
00:01:43,383 --> 00:01:45,400
Fuck off.

4
00:02:51,861 --> 00:02:57,025
My birthday actually began
the way of all my birthdays.

5
00:03:07,644 --> 00:03:10,516
Hello darling. Just ringing
to wish you a happy birthday.

6
00:03:10,644 --> 00:03:13,213
Mom? It's six a.m.

7
00:03:13,224 --> 00:03:16,768
I'm doing the FaceTime.
Una taught me. It's really marvellous.

8
00:03:16,892 --> 00:03:20,808
Mum, the point of FaceTime is that you
haven't got to put the phone to your ear.

9
00:03:20,932 --> 00:03:23,808
Oh, please..
Oh, there you are.

10
00:03:23,932 --> 00:03:26,600
This time, 43 years ago...

11
00:03:26,732 --> 00:03:30,335
I was having a lamb beriyami in an
attempt to coax you out.

12
00:03:30,708 --> 00:03:34,216
23 hours of labour.
Never been the same down there.

13
00:03:34,308 --> 00:03:37,813
It's a miracle, the gift of childbirth.
- Here it comes.

14
00:03:37,824 --> 00:03:41,144
Penny Husband-Bosworth's son
sells his sperm on the internet.

15
00:03:41,155 --> 00:03:43,257
You don't need a man, Bridget.

16
00:03:43,268 --> 00:03:46,452
Some people have marvellous lives
without them. Look at you.

17
00:03:46,463 --> 00:03:49,060
Nice flat, lovely job...

18
00:03:49,184 --> 00:03:52,268
Nice flat...
- I'm putting the phone down now, mum.

19
00:03:53,504 --> 00:03:56,432
Say happy birthday to Bridget.
Colin?

20
00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:58,184
Happy birthday to Bridget.

21
00:03:58,976 --> 00:04:00,438
Thank you.

22
00:04:00,613 --> 00:04:02,644
I love you darling. Now don't forget...

23
00:04:02,768 --> 00:04:05,436
I'm counting on you to head up
my media campaign.

24
00:04:05,447 --> 00:04:09,184
It's the parish council elections, mum.
Not the US primaries.

25
00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:16,600
The annual phone call from mum reminding
me to take my ovaries out of retirement.

26
00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:20,768
The truth was that by now I thought
I would have had a little baby to love

27
00:04:20,892 --> 00:04:23,100
with the chisel jawed love of my life.

28
00:04:23,224 --> 00:04:26,768
But sometimes life gives
you shallower compensations

29
00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:30,392
and at least I was finally down
to my perfect weight.

30
00:04:31,932 --> 00:04:33,144
Good morning, Ms. Bridget.

31
00:04:33,268 --> 00:04:34,852
You look beautiful again today.

32
00:04:34,976 --> 00:04:37,684
There was life in the old dog yet.

33
00:04:37,808 --> 00:04:40,852
Haven't exactly been put out to grass.

34
00:04:40,976 --> 00:04:42,976
Hah! Ding dong..

35
00:04:44,144 --> 00:04:47,768
But this year all these things
were brought into sharper focus...

36
00:04:47,892 --> 00:04:52,016
by an event I hadn't expected
to attend quite so soon.

37
00:05:04,899 --> 00:05:05,899
Hi.

38
00:05:09,892 --> 00:05:11,881
So how are you feeling?
Are you ok?

39
00:05:12,978 --> 00:05:14,104
Mm. Yeah.

40
00:05:14,115 --> 00:05:16,335
I just can't believe he's gone, really.

41
00:05:36,846 --> 00:05:39,421
His death seems to have
hit the eastern European

42
00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:42,022
teenage modelling community
particularly hard.

43
00:05:43,892 --> 00:05:47,060
They found the flight recorder
but still no bodies.

44
00:05:48,008 --> 00:05:51,476
Strangely fitting that he should
have died going down in the bush.

45
00:05:57,476 --> 00:06:01,060
We are gathered here
to celebrate the life...

46
00:06:01,184 --> 00:06:04,749
of Daniel Vivian Cleaver.

47
00:06:04,852 --> 00:06:09,932
Daniel was a kind and wonderful son...

48
00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:13,145
Fuck. What the fuck is he doing here?

49
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:18,144
You know what he's like,
wanting to do the decent thing.

50
00:06:18,744 --> 00:06:20,255
Is that his wife?

51
00:06:21,684 --> 00:06:24,392
Did I ever get over losing Mr. Darcy?

52
00:06:24,745 --> 00:06:27,037
Was he my Mr. Right?

53
00:06:27,308 --> 00:06:28,560
Oh Christ.

54
00:06:28,684 --> 00:06:33,892
A man of outstanding charm and charisma.

55
00:06:34,143 --> 00:06:37,771
Just a bit emotional. - I would
like to invite his loved ones up...

56
00:06:38,684 --> 00:06:43,684
to share some of their memories of Daniel.

57
00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:47,892
Daniel could be very sensitive...

58
00:06:48,109 --> 00:06:50,916
Make you feel like you were
the only woman in the world.

59
00:06:50,927 --> 00:06:52,589
I first met Daniel in Moscow.

60
00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:56,509
He once took me rowing on the
Serpentine and quoted Keats by heart.

61
00:06:56,520 --> 00:07:00,224
He could quote Keats by heart.
- Where be ye going, you Devon maid.

62
00:07:00,352 --> 00:07:03,516
And what have you there in the basket?
- Where are you going, you Devon maid.

63
00:07:03,644 --> 00:07:06,224
And what have you there in the basket?

64
00:07:07,050 --> 00:07:10,505
You tight little fairy,
just fresh from the dairy.

65
00:07:10,516 --> 00:07:13,144
Will you give me some cream if I ask it?

66
00:07:17,392 --> 00:07:19,020
He did it to everyone.

67
00:07:19,432 --> 00:07:22,724
Anybody else like to say a few words?

68
00:07:23,169 --> 00:07:24,709
Say something for his mum.

69
00:07:27,932 --> 00:07:29,308
Come on.

70
00:07:41,892 --> 00:07:44,515
Daniel was a man...

71
00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:51,278
who touched many of us here today,
including me.

72
00:07:55,106 --> 00:07:56,190
Oh dear.

73
00:07:57,224 --> 00:08:00,745
This is when Daniel would say,
"Shut up, Jones."

74
00:08:00,756 --> 00:08:05,144
And he would be right,
because all I really need to say is...

75
00:08:06,016 --> 00:08:09,852
Dear Daniel, I will miss you terribly.

76
00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:11,852
We all will.

77
00:08:17,976 --> 00:08:20,684
Give you a call?
- Yes very good. Bye bye.

78
00:08:21,476 --> 00:08:23,426
Bridget.
- Mark.

79
00:08:24,167 --> 00:08:26,472
This is Camilla.
- Hello.

80
00:08:26,483 --> 00:08:28,494
Bridget, an old friend.

81
00:08:28,505 --> 00:08:31,773
Well, less old, more childhood.

82
00:08:33,567 --> 00:08:34,735
So...

83
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:39,003
Nice memorial, as memorials go.

84
00:08:39,023 --> 00:08:42,345
Almost makes one look
forward to one's own.

85
00:08:44,414 --> 00:08:46,166
Yes, well...

86
00:08:47,357 --> 00:08:49,317
Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

87
00:08:52,948 --> 00:08:56,219
Maybe that's the reason Mark
Darcy and I never made it.

88
00:08:56,414 --> 00:09:00,746
I always felt like a verbally incontinent
old maid, even when we were together.

89
00:09:01,352 --> 00:09:04,284
Still, I wasn't going to
dwell on the negatives.

90
00:09:04,295 --> 00:09:07,184
At least no-one at work
knew it was my birthday.

91
00:09:07,442 --> 00:09:09,996
Or indeed, how old I was going to be.

92
00:09:10,060 --> 00:09:12,060
Surprise.

93
00:09:13,224 --> 00:09:15,600
Congratulations, Bridget.

94
00:09:15,611 --> 00:09:18,195
Or so I thought.

95
00:09:18,743 --> 00:09:20,495
Who told you?

96
00:09:20,506 --> 00:09:23,050
It's so hot. So many candles.

97
00:09:31,268 --> 00:09:34,360
Isn't there some sort of statute
of limitations about the

98
00:09:34,460 --> 00:09:37,660
number of sodding candles on a cake
once you get to a certain age?

99
00:09:38,653 --> 00:09:43,265
Josh, I need you to see what Reuters
is saying about the attacks on Ramallah.

100
00:09:43,276 --> 00:09:44,965
We might need a live link. And Laura...

101
00:09:44,976 --> 00:09:47,759
I may have been another
year older and still single...

102
00:09:47,770 --> 00:09:51,857
but I could always take consolation
in my job as top news producer.

103
00:09:51,868 --> 00:09:54,844
So, how will I be changing
the world today?

104
00:09:54,855 --> 00:09:57,943
Well, our main feature is the
exclusive interview...

105
00:09:57,954 --> 00:10:00,724
with the Foreign Secretary about NGochi.

106
00:10:00,852 --> 00:10:03,940
Oh, gee. How did you do that?
- NGochi.

107
00:10:03,951 --> 00:10:05,389
NGochi.
- You're good at that.

108
00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:07,100
I know. I've been practising. NGochi.

109
00:10:11,887 --> 00:10:13,839
It's harder than you think.

110
00:10:13,850 --> 00:10:16,270
Plus, have great new 30
something work colleagues

111
00:10:16,370 --> 00:10:18,670
who are not obsessed with
children and marriage.

112
00:10:18,681 --> 00:10:20,864
How do we plan on celebrating tonight?

113
00:10:20,875 --> 00:10:24,537
Well, night out with the gang.
- Please say that involves group sex.

114
00:10:24,548 --> 00:10:27,291
Gangbangs?
Ooh, we'd like to do that.

115
00:10:27,302 --> 00:10:29,793
I know a smashing little club
in the back of Berwick Street.

116
00:10:29,804 --> 00:10:31,685
Chance would be a fine thing.

117
00:10:31,696 --> 00:10:34,543
I'm beginning to think I'm
past my sexual sell by date.

118
00:10:34,554 --> 00:10:37,437
No. There are names for women
like you now, Bridge.

119
00:10:37,448 --> 00:10:39,779
You're a cougar. You are a MILF.

120
00:10:39,790 --> 00:10:45,449
I'm not a MILF, I'm not even a mum.
I am a spinster, I'm a SPILF.

121
00:10:45,460 --> 00:10:49,688
Three minutes 'till we're on air.
- It's called Voyeurz with a 'z'.

122
00:10:49,699 --> 00:10:51,506
You tell them that Cathy sent you.

123
00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:55,116
If you go on a Thursday there's a Chinese
buffet. All you can eat, as it were.

124
00:10:56,352 --> 00:11:00,979
But whose advice was, never the less,
sometimes a tad too modern for me.

125
00:11:01,479 --> 00:11:04,259
It's me, checking talk-back.
- Yep.

126
00:11:04,270 --> 00:11:06,874
You didn't freeze your eggs
by any chance, did you?

127
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:09,475
No, I imagine they're
hard boiled by now.

128
00:11:09,486 --> 00:11:11,514
You know what, Bridge? This weekend...

129
00:11:11,525 --> 00:11:14,476
you and me need to go out,
and get stuck into some serious...

130
00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:18,706
"Binge drinking, a dangerous
scourge on society."

131
00:11:18,717 --> 00:11:20,710
Is new legislation needed?

132
00:11:21,684 --> 00:11:25,464
Bridget, Miranda, I've told you,
don't talk between the bongs.

133
00:11:25,814 --> 00:11:28,005
Stick to the questions on the cue cards.

134
00:11:28,129 --> 00:11:29,173
Miranda. Cue.

135
00:11:29,184 --> 00:11:31,701
The Foreign Secretary will
be live in the studio...

136
00:11:31,712 --> 00:11:34,802
to talk about the looming
crisis in Muribundi.

137
00:11:35,310 --> 00:11:37,947
You can always try online dating again.

138
00:11:37,958 --> 00:11:41,978
The other night I was on Tinder. Half an
hour later I'm having a 3-way with...

139
00:11:41,989 --> 00:11:45,969
Prince Andrew, the Royal Special
Representative for Trade and Investment...

140
00:11:45,980 --> 00:11:49,607
He did that on purpose... has just
written his first children's book.

141
00:11:49,712 --> 00:11:51,499
He had a massive cock.

142
00:11:53,060 --> 00:11:56,828
Live in the studio I'm joined by
Foreign Secretary George Wilkins...

143
00:11:56,839 --> 00:11:59,388
who has just returned from
war ravaged Muribundi...

144
00:11:59,399 --> 00:12:01,310
Miranda, I'm in your ear.
Just follow my lead.

145
00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:04,366
Where the assassination of
bloody dictator Charles NGochi...

146
00:12:04,377 --> 00:12:07,516
has resulted in civil war.
- One shot, come back to four. Four.

147
00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:09,760
Minister, was this a military coup?

148
00:12:09,860 --> 00:12:12,660
- Well, the signs are that NGochi's
own generals did take him out...

149
00:12:12,684 --> 00:12:14,589
Hi, Tom. I can't talk.

150
00:12:14,843 --> 00:12:17,949
How was Daniel's memorial?
- It was just sad.

151
00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:19,774
I can't believe he's gone.

152
00:12:19,785 --> 00:12:22,426
It's sad.
I can't believe he's gone, actually.

153
00:12:25,063 --> 00:12:28,020
Ah... I don't think there was any
particular sadness in his passing.

154
00:12:28,031 --> 00:12:31,344
His persecution of the Ubuntu
people amounted to genocide.

155
00:12:31,355 --> 00:12:34,741
And that is well documented.
- I know he had his flaws.

156
00:12:34,752 --> 00:12:37,908
Well, I know he had his flaws.
- He could be a massive asshole.

157
00:12:37,919 --> 00:12:39,757
He could be a massive asshole.

158
00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:45,596
But I miss him. We all do.
- But I miss him. We all do.

159
00:12:46,263 --> 00:12:50,766
Well, he was certainly a very colorful
character on the world stage Miranda...

160
00:12:50,777 --> 00:12:53,243
I grant you that, but I
think the genocide...

161
00:12:53,254 --> 00:12:56,977
resulting in the deaths of over 10,000 of
his own people, men, women and children...

162
00:12:56,988 --> 00:12:59,385
probably rather put him on
the wrong side of history.

163
00:12:59,396 --> 00:13:01,212
At least he was never boring.

164
00:13:01,312 --> 00:13:03,212
Well, at least he was never boring.

165
00:13:04,398 --> 00:13:06,268
One, two, three clear.

166
00:13:06,392 --> 00:13:10,092
Do you think a spirit of democracy can
carry over into West Africa...

167
00:13:10,103 --> 00:13:11,803
Now that's NGochi's dead?

168
00:13:11,814 --> 00:13:14,800
Do you think, minister,
that the spirit of democracy can

169
00:13:14,801 --> 00:13:17,701
carry over into West Africa
now that NGochi is dead?

170
00:13:17,812 --> 00:13:20,482
Well now, that is an interesting question.
Finally.

171
00:13:20,493 --> 00:13:22,155
We're running out of time.
- Miranda, wrap it up.

172
00:13:22,166 --> 00:13:24,264
Briefly, please, Minister.
- Well it is a complicated issue.

173
00:13:24,275 --> 00:13:25,633
A 'yes' or a 'no'.

174
00:13:25,748 --> 00:13:28,505
Miranda, make it the last answer.
- Let's hope so.

175
00:13:28,964 --> 00:13:31,643
I'll take that.
Thank you for joining us on the sofa today.

176
00:13:31,654 --> 00:13:33,048
Over to you, Toby.

177
00:13:35,268 --> 00:13:37,476
Thank you, Miranda, Bridget.

178
00:13:37,923 --> 00:13:41,253
You couldn't just behave yourselves when
the new management team were here?

179
00:13:41,264 --> 00:13:42,802
They're the new management team?

180
00:13:42,813 --> 00:13:45,732
That is Alice Peabody,
new brand manager.

181
00:13:45,956 --> 00:13:49,475
Apparently 'Hard News' is too
old fashioned, too serious...

182
00:13:49,486 --> 00:13:53,807
and she is the smiling assassin, brought
in to sack anybody older than her.

183
00:13:53,859 --> 00:13:58,697
Everybody's older than her. I've got tins
of soup in my cupboard older than her.

184
00:13:58,708 --> 00:14:04,044
Look at them all. With their
apps and their ironic beards

185
00:14:04,055 --> 00:14:06,663
Maybe one of them could
get Bridget some sex.

186
00:14:06,674 --> 00:14:08,580
What?
- Bridget? Do you need sex?

187
00:14:08,591 --> 00:14:09,600
No.
- Yes.

188
00:14:10,186 --> 00:14:14,329
That's why I'm taking her on an a girls
weekend to beat all girls weekends.

189
00:14:16,510 --> 00:14:18,567
Bridget, isn't it?

190
00:14:18,757 --> 00:14:21,586
Yes, nice to...
- Team meeting tomorrow morning.

191
00:14:21,597 --> 00:14:23,601
We can do introductions then.

192
00:14:31,106 --> 00:14:32,368
Nine a.m.

193
00:14:32,999 --> 00:14:35,313
We should all start an
hour earlier from now on.

194
00:14:37,614 --> 00:14:40,726
Do you think she saw that?
- Quite possibly not.

195
00:14:40,948 --> 00:14:43,996
And you're sure you don't want to
come out with me and my crew?

196
00:14:44,774 --> 00:14:47,489
Thanks, but can't let the old gang down.

197
00:14:47,500 --> 00:14:50,799
They're stay at home moms now.
They'd be disappointed.

198
00:15:04,448 --> 00:15:06,769
Thank God for the gays.

199
00:15:10,224 --> 00:15:13,609
Now, whatever fears you're
bringing in the room with you today...

200
00:15:13,620 --> 00:15:17,895
I want you take those fears and I want
you to tell them to fuck the fuck off.

201
00:15:17,906 --> 00:15:18,906
Yeah!

202
00:15:20,432 --> 00:15:24,224
Are you ready for this?
- Yes.

203
00:15:24,352 --> 00:15:27,432
Then ride, you sexy bitches! Ride!

204
00:15:32,177 --> 00:15:35,615
Look, I'm so sorry, Bridget, but I'm
actually going to have to blow you out too.

205
00:15:37,516 --> 00:15:42,152
I didn't want to have to tell you this
today, but Eduardo and I are adopting.

206
00:15:42,493 --> 00:15:43,701
Adopting?

207
00:15:44,617 --> 00:15:47,722
What, a baby?
- Yes, a baby.

208
00:15:48,436 --> 00:15:50,364
Or gayby, in our case.

209
00:15:51,027 --> 00:15:54,169
That's fantastic news, Tom.

210
00:15:54,180 --> 00:15:57,377
I'm going to Bogota tomorrow to start
the paperwork so I've got to go and pack.

211
00:15:57,388 --> 00:15:59,512
Wonderful, go.

212
00:15:59,523 --> 00:16:01,420
Happy Birthday. Have fun.

213
00:16:01,512 --> 00:16:03,602
Congratulations.
- Thank's darl.

214
00:16:05,225 --> 00:16:07,816
Fucking excellent.

215
00:16:08,295 --> 00:16:11,866
And that was how I wound
up back here again.

216
00:16:12,110 --> 00:16:14,754
The last barren husk in London...

217
00:16:14,796 --> 00:16:20,786
and of the two loves of my life,
one is married and the other is dead.

218
00:16:22,517 --> 00:16:25,391
Right, new birthday resolutions.

219
00:16:25,402 --> 00:16:28,218
I, Bridget Jones am done
with affairs of the heart...

220
00:16:28,229 --> 00:16:32,268
and dedicating my autumn
years to the pursuit of hedonism.

221
00:16:32,279 --> 00:16:35,471
Will hang only with new free
spirited friends like Miranda...

222
00:16:35,482 --> 00:16:40,776
and when the going gets tough,
the tough go on a luxury spa weekend.

223
00:16:42,289 --> 00:16:44,017
What the fuck.

224
00:16:45,487 --> 00:16:47,192
Love the shoes.

225
00:17:01,137 --> 00:17:04,150
I didn't tell you, because
you wouldn't have come.

226
00:17:04,237 --> 00:17:06,397
Seriously, it's been five years.

227
00:17:06,408 --> 00:17:10,408
You've gotta shake yourself out of this
self imposed purge you've been in...

228
00:17:10,419 --> 00:17:13,341
ever since you split up with your
precious Mark Darcy.

229
00:17:13,352 --> 00:17:15,367
Rubbish.
I barely think of him.

230
00:17:15,378 --> 00:17:17,900
What you need is a good shafting.

231
00:17:17,911 --> 00:17:21,646
You need some good old fashioned,
lie back and think of England bonking...

232
00:17:21,657 --> 00:17:27,329
and festivals are sexual free for alls
like Sodom and Gomorrah with tofu.

233
00:17:27,348 --> 00:17:29,559
First man you meet you've
gotta sleep with.

234
00:17:29,570 --> 00:17:32,236
The first man?
I'm not taking no for an answer.

235
00:17:32,292 --> 00:17:36,031
I'm gonna find our backstage passes.
You get the maps.

236
00:17:41,676 --> 00:17:42,776
Maps.

237
00:17:42,787 --> 00:17:47,738
I may be old and inappropriately dressed,
but at least I look fucking amazing.

238
00:17:55,068 --> 00:17:57,776
That's exactly why I didn't wear my heels.

239
00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:00,608
Ding fucking dong.

240
00:18:00,619 --> 00:18:01,619
May I?

241
00:18:17,994 --> 00:18:19,326
Thank you.

242
00:18:24,101 --> 00:18:25,944
It fits.

243
00:18:30,208 --> 00:18:31,792
Bridget.

244
00:18:32,555 --> 00:18:33,998
Bridget.

245
00:18:34,810 --> 00:18:37,776
Is that your wicked stepmother?
- Yes.

246
00:18:37,976 --> 00:18:41,776
I better go before she has me
sweeping fireplaces all day.

247
00:18:43,429 --> 00:18:45,196
Thank you.
- You're welcome.

248
00:18:46,664 --> 00:18:48,695
Ah ha. Birthday resolution number two.

249
00:18:48,706 --> 00:18:52,487
Must remember the way to a man's heart
is not through beauty, sex or love...

250
00:18:52,498 --> 00:18:53,498
It's Jack.

251
00:18:53,607 --> 00:18:57,692
But merely the ability to
fall arse over tit in the mud.

252
00:18:57,755 --> 00:18:59,087
By the way.

253
00:19:00,387 --> 00:19:01,387
Right.

254
00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:05,692
Which one's ours?
- Let's try up here.

255
00:19:05,951 --> 00:19:09,203
And anyway, it's not camping,
it's glamping.

256
00:19:09,287 --> 00:19:12,509
Putting a G L in front of it
doesn't make it any better.

257
00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:17,112
Calling him Gladolf Hitler wouldn't suddenly
make you forget all the unpleasantness.

258
00:19:23,276 --> 00:19:26,372
Oh... fuck me!

259
00:19:31,457 --> 00:19:33,165
NGochi.

260
00:19:37,194 --> 00:19:39,711
NGochi.

261
00:19:41,276 --> 00:19:44,493
NGochi.

262
00:19:48,822 --> 00:19:52,702
It's 2:30 in the afternoon.
I should be Hoovering.

263
00:20:08,536 --> 00:20:11,798
This is incredible.
We've got to get a photo.

264
00:20:12,227 --> 00:20:13,409
Excuse me?

265
00:20:14,247 --> 00:20:17,009
Do you mind if we ask you
to take a photo of us?

266
00:20:17,020 --> 00:20:18,852
Yeah, sure.
- Thank you.

267
00:20:20,931 --> 00:20:23,108
Alright. Are you ready?
Hey. What're you doing?

268
00:20:23,911 --> 00:20:25,191
I was taking your photo.

269
00:20:25,202 --> 00:20:28,057
I thought you guys wanted a photo.
- Yeah, we do. Of us.

270
00:20:28,524 --> 00:20:32,132
Yes. Terribly sorry. We thought it'd
be really fun to get a photo of us...

271
00:20:32,143 --> 00:20:33,906
backstage among all these glamorous people.

272
00:20:33,917 --> 00:20:35,981
I think that's the guy from 'Bargain Hunt'.

273
00:20:35,992 --> 00:20:39,275
It'd be great if you could get
him in the shot. - Quick. Quick.

274
00:20:39,362 --> 00:20:43,263
So you don't want me in the photo at all?
- No, and you can lose the attitude, babe.

275
00:20:43,274 --> 00:20:45,108
Is it really that difficult?

276
00:20:45,481 --> 00:20:48,856
They let any old riff-raff
backstage nowadays.

277
00:20:48,867 --> 00:20:52,984
I don't know. I thought he was
kind of cute. He looks familiar.

278
00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:56,786
I think he works
at the Starbucks at Balham.

279
00:21:05,810 --> 00:21:08,024
One, two, three, singing.

280
00:21:14,816 --> 00:21:17,586
Oh my God.

281
00:21:17,872 --> 00:21:21,524
I know. It's the guy from Starbucks.

282
00:21:21,535 --> 00:21:23,035
Crowdsurfing.

283
00:21:41,873 --> 00:21:43,333
Miranda.

284
00:21:45,225 --> 00:21:46,597
Miranda?

285
00:21:48,442 --> 00:21:49,858
Miranda?

286
00:21:54,263 --> 00:21:55,568
Hey, Miranda.

287
00:21:56,605 --> 00:21:58,595
Oh, God.

288
00:22:00,745 --> 00:22:04,152
I have to admit, that was fun.

289
00:22:04,985 --> 00:22:06,609
And you're right...

290
00:22:06,785 --> 00:22:11,067
What I need is a good shafting...

291
00:22:11,747 --> 00:22:16,782
some good old-fashioned,
lie back and-think-of-England...

292
00:22:17,473 --> 00:22:18,900
bonking.

293
00:22:19,330 --> 00:22:20,692
Well, sign me up.

294
00:22:21,854 --> 00:22:23,524
Oh my God.

295
00:22:25,015 --> 00:22:27,358
What are you doing in my yurt?

296
00:22:28,666 --> 00:22:33,232
With all your clothes, and
luggage and possessions.

297
00:22:33,360 --> 00:22:36,685
Yeah, it's as if I've come in,
made it my own.

298
00:22:36,900 --> 00:22:40,066
Wait, it's you,
the creature from the Black Lagoon.

299
00:22:40,264 --> 00:22:41,652
Yes. Sorry.

300
00:22:41,663 --> 00:22:45,900
You don't really expect me to believe that you
accidentally crashed into my yurt, do you?

301
00:22:47,045 --> 00:22:50,442
Since you're here, maybe I can help you.

302
00:22:51,360 --> 00:22:54,108
Well, he is the first man I met...

303
00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:57,650
and his yurt is one heck
of a lot nicer than mine.

304
00:22:58,692 --> 00:23:03,152
Bridget, where the fuck are you?

305
00:23:03,276 --> 00:23:07,632
Bridget, I'm so pissed.

306
00:23:52,692 --> 00:23:53,944
Bridget.

307
00:23:55,008 --> 00:23:59,776
I'm zorbing with Ed Sheeran.

308
00:24:23,944 --> 00:24:25,524
Oh, God.

309
00:24:25,559 --> 00:24:30,652
I just slept with a complete stranger.
I'm nothing but a feckless prostitute.

310
00:24:31,776 --> 00:24:36,108
No, no. I'm an elegant older woman
taking men for my own pleasure.

311
00:24:36,119 --> 00:24:38,838
Or am I just a deluded middle-aged fool?

312
00:24:46,528 --> 00:24:48,152
Oh, fuck it.

313
00:24:49,900 --> 00:24:51,152
Miranda?

314
00:24:52,932 --> 00:24:54,140
Good morning.

315
00:24:56,108 --> 00:24:58,444
So it lasted six hours?

316
00:24:58,568 --> 00:25:01,276
What lasted six hours, mum?

317
00:25:01,984 --> 00:25:05,232
A puppet show that Auntie Bridget went to.

318
00:25:05,944 --> 00:25:09,349
A six-hour puppet show?
- Hello.

319
00:25:09,360 --> 00:25:12,108
Tell me, were they little puppets or...?

320
00:25:12,232 --> 00:25:14,108
Very nice size puppets.

321
00:25:14,776 --> 00:25:17,484
And did he...

322
00:25:18,608 --> 00:25:20,768
put his puppet in your mouth?

323
00:25:23,316 --> 00:25:26,457
God! I feel like my days
of puppet shows are behind me.

324
00:25:30,568 --> 00:25:32,507
I've had finger puppets.

325
00:25:35,108 --> 00:25:38,816
And has he called?
- It doesn't work like that any more.

326
00:25:38,944 --> 00:25:42,316
You just hook up with rugged
troubadors at music festivals...

327
00:25:42,327 --> 00:25:44,185
and there are no strings.

328
00:25:44,732 --> 00:25:46,652
Puppets with no strings.

329
00:25:47,438 --> 00:25:49,511
Take the wings off.
They're for little girls.

330
00:25:50,524 --> 00:25:52,154
Hello?
- Where the fuck are you?

331
00:25:52,165 --> 00:25:56,134
Speeding through lovely countryside
on our way to your christening.

332
00:25:56,145 --> 00:25:59,237
No we're not.
Why is auntie Bridget lying?

333
00:25:59,984 --> 00:26:02,743
Bridge, I thought you should
know after Tom dropped out...

334
00:26:02,754 --> 00:26:05,015
Giles asked Mark to be the godfather.
- What?

335
00:26:05,026 --> 00:26:06,423
He did what?

336
00:26:06,463 --> 00:26:08,652
Yes I know. He really
is a useless cock.

337
00:26:08,663 --> 00:26:10,316
Did it without asking me.

338
00:26:11,623 --> 00:26:15,459
Oh my God. Mark Darcy again.

339
00:26:15,615 --> 00:26:20,239
Twice in the space of a week I turn
up at church as rent-a-spinster.

340
00:26:23,730 --> 00:26:26,533
Where the fuck were you?

341
00:26:32,163 --> 00:26:33,941
Sorry.

342
00:26:38,117 --> 00:26:40,507
Good morning and welcome.

343
00:26:40,518 --> 00:26:45,452
Well, this isn't embarrassing at all.
Mark Darcy and I at the altar with a baby.

344
00:26:46,272 --> 00:26:47,980
That's lovely.

345
00:26:48,232 --> 00:26:50,999
Ok, now, nice big smiles.
Look at me. Thank you.

346
00:26:51,010 --> 00:26:52,287
Lovely.

347
00:26:52,298 --> 00:26:54,890
Ok, can I just get
the godparents now please.

348
00:26:56,540 --> 00:26:59,669
How are you?
- Very well, thank you. How are you?

349
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:01,405
Well, thank you.
Mm.

350
00:27:01,604 --> 00:27:04,892
Are you here with your wife?
I can't remember her name...

351
00:27:05,135 --> 00:27:08,960
Camilla. No, eh, no, she couldn't make it.

352
00:27:09,330 --> 00:27:12,695
Are you here with anyone?
- No, no. Not today, no.

353
00:27:13,123 --> 00:27:15,068
Come on, it's not a funeral.

354
00:27:15,192 --> 00:27:17,121
Can I get a couple of
smiles out of you two, please?

355
00:27:17,132 --> 00:27:19,645
Maybe give her a little kiss
you know, on the forehead, there.

356
00:27:23,038 --> 00:27:24,900
Ah, I was talking about the baby.

357
00:27:29,730 --> 00:27:31,652
Lovely.

358
00:27:31,976 --> 00:27:34,384
Alright. I'll see you later,
shouldn't wonder.

359
00:27:34,395 --> 00:27:37,993
Yes, unless I make a break
for it with this thing.

360
00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:41,866
Could this day actually get
any more awkward?

361
00:27:42,071 --> 00:27:45,206
Just keep walking, keep walking,
keep walking. Keep walking.

362
00:27:56,524 --> 00:27:58,794
Hello.
- Hello.

363
00:27:59,404 --> 00:28:02,087
How are you?
- Very well, thanks.

364
00:28:02,098 --> 00:28:03,558
How are you?
- I'm fine.

365
00:28:04,034 --> 00:28:05,406
So am I.

366
00:28:07,087 --> 00:28:09,464
Well, goodbye.
- Goodbye.

367
00:28:10,676 --> 00:28:12,520
A glass of wine.
- A whiskey, please.

368
00:28:12,531 --> 00:28:14,245
Big, big glass.
- Double.

369
00:28:14,256 --> 00:28:15,483
Thank you.

370
00:28:49,310 --> 00:28:54,944
I'd ask you to join me, but I'm pretty sure
you're not a big Gangnam Style kind of guy.

371
00:28:55,068 --> 00:28:57,394
I was only there very briefly.
- Where?

372
00:28:57,405 --> 00:28:58,441
Gangnam.

373
00:29:00,698 --> 00:29:04,108
What are we talking about?
- Gangnam, dancing.

374
00:29:05,278 --> 00:29:08,293
Not the suburb of Seoul?
- No.

375
00:29:08,304 --> 00:29:13,192
I'm not familiar with Gangnam, the suburb.
- It literally means south of the Han River.

376
00:29:14,787 --> 00:29:17,911
It was inhabited as early as
the Paleolithic period.

377
00:29:19,143 --> 00:29:21,979
Suddenly seems so much less catchy.

378
00:29:24,473 --> 00:29:26,933
Now something for you lovers out there.

379
00:29:26,944 --> 00:29:31,648
We are entering the erection section. Don't
say fucking erection at a christening.

380
00:29:37,624 --> 00:29:39,484
Would you like to get some air?

381
00:29:42,069 --> 00:29:43,985
I mean, some more air.

382
00:29:45,083 --> 00:29:46,502
Sure.

383
00:29:55,918 --> 00:29:59,770
I don't suppose you happen
to have a cigarette? - No.

384
00:29:59,927 --> 00:30:03,551
I gave up 1891 days ago.

385
00:30:03,619 --> 00:30:05,356
Not that people're counting.

386
00:30:05,813 --> 00:30:08,602
Since when did you smoke?
- I don't.

387
00:30:09,114 --> 00:30:10,698
It's been a tense time.

388
00:30:12,078 --> 00:30:13,746
Maybe I'm nervous.

389
00:30:15,445 --> 00:30:16,613
Why?

390
00:30:18,765 --> 00:30:20,557
You have a train in your hair.

391
00:30:21,891 --> 00:30:24,041
I'm aware of that.

392
00:30:24,898 --> 00:30:27,692
Courtesy of one of my many godchildren.

393
00:30:32,276 --> 00:30:35,024
Seems to be stuck.

394
00:30:36,706 --> 00:30:38,414
And this would be...

395
00:30:39,033 --> 00:30:41,661
Cake?
- Profiterole.

396
00:30:41,769 --> 00:30:44,893
That's technically more of
a dessert, I suppose.

397
00:30:51,241 --> 00:30:54,329
What're you doing? You're married.
- No, I'm not.

398
00:30:55,941 --> 00:30:58,583
I mean, I'm getting a divorce.

399
00:30:58,878 --> 00:31:00,546
That's why she's not here.

400
00:31:04,405 --> 00:31:06,825
Why were you together
at the memorial?

401
00:31:06,995 --> 00:31:09,174
She was just being supportive.

402
00:31:09,830 --> 00:31:12,934
She's gone back to The Hague,
where she's now living, and I'm not.

403
00:31:14,045 --> 00:31:15,971
Oh, I'm so sorry, Mark.

404
00:31:15,982 --> 00:31:18,875
At this precise moment
I'm not sorry at all.

405
00:32:34,481 --> 00:32:36,712
How the fuck am I supposed to get in here?

406
00:32:48,009 --> 00:32:49,524
Again?

407
00:32:50,276 --> 00:32:52,944
Mr. Darcy, wow.

408
00:32:55,944 --> 00:32:57,152
Bridget?

409
00:33:00,692 --> 00:33:02,232
God, I've missed you.

410
00:33:08,926 --> 00:33:10,816
Are we on schedule?

411
00:33:11,944 --> 00:33:14,192
I have a flight to Khartoum tomorrow.

412
00:33:51,608 --> 00:33:54,316
I'm so sorry, Mark. Had to leave.

413
00:33:54,444 --> 00:33:57,776
It probably sounds pathetic,
but I got scared.

414
00:33:57,900 --> 00:34:01,024
The fact that we went 'round and 'round
for the best part of ten years...

415
00:34:01,152 --> 00:34:04,360
without ever making it
across the finish line leads me to think...

416
00:34:04,484 --> 00:34:07,776
we did the best thing
by ending it when we did.

417
00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:13,316
Sometimes it feels scary
still being on my own at 43.

418
00:34:13,444 --> 00:34:16,152
But you and I have been here once before.

419
00:34:18,316 --> 00:34:20,759
We always loved the fantasy of us...

420
00:34:20,770 --> 00:34:24,658
But the reality,
as we both know, is quite different.

421
00:34:32,276 --> 00:34:35,732
We could both come up with a 100
reasons why we didn't make it...

422
00:34:35,860 --> 00:34:41,568
but in the end I always felt that you were
never there and I was mostly alone.

423
00:34:53,068 --> 00:34:56,400
No, can't go back and keep
making same mistakes.

424
00:34:56,524 --> 00:35:00,245
Must keep moving forward
and make new ones.

425
00:35:00,524 --> 00:35:03,875
And will lodge myself into
frenzied keep fit regimes.

426
00:35:03,886 --> 00:35:06,703
And allowing 4 weeks to reduce
thighs circumference...

427
00:35:06,714 --> 00:35:10,770
to squeeze largy ass into
teenage skinny jeans...

428
00:35:10,937 --> 00:35:14,161
Obviously not meant
for women of a certain age.

429
00:35:15,276 --> 00:35:18,949
All this bloody cycling is pointless.
I'm putting on weight.

430
00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:22,639
Let's rule out some of the other options,
shall we? You're not pregnant, are you?

431
00:35:23,068 --> 00:35:24,652
Of course not.

432
00:35:24,776 --> 00:35:30,045
A lady is always prepared and
I always carry these in my handbag.

433
00:35:30,403 --> 00:35:34,175
Oh, God! You didn't use those,
the vegan condoms?

434
00:35:34,186 --> 00:35:36,541
Biodegradable and dolphin friendly.

435
00:35:36,552 --> 00:35:39,984
If I'm going to be slutty, it's nice
to think I'm helping the environment.

436
00:35:40,108 --> 00:35:43,638
Christ, Bridget.
I remember when you bought those.

437
00:35:43,649 --> 00:35:46,148
That was decades ago.

438
00:35:46,230 --> 00:35:48,902
Sell by dates don't mean anything.

439
00:35:49,986 --> 00:35:50,986
Do they?

440
00:35:52,192 --> 00:35:54,867
They were a gift. Don't ask.

441
00:35:56,484 --> 00:36:00,809
Tumbling rapids,
frothing waterfalls...

442
00:36:00,819 --> 00:36:02,809
babbling brook.

443
00:36:05,969 --> 00:36:08,201
Oh, come the fuck on, Bridget.

444
00:36:20,608 --> 00:36:22,568
How long do you think it takes?

445
00:36:25,364 --> 00:36:28,045
I think that's a positive result.

446
00:36:28,532 --> 00:36:30,238
Pregnant

447
00:36:31,900 --> 00:36:34,305
I'll just make sure.
- Don't shake it.

448
00:36:34,316 --> 00:36:37,152
You'll hurt the baby.
- The baby is not in the stick.

449
00:36:39,143 --> 00:36:40,899
I think this is when you're meant to...

450
00:36:41,495 --> 00:36:43,079
jump for joy.

451
00:36:43,944 --> 00:36:47,158
Oh my God.
- You're pregnant.

452
00:36:47,169 --> 00:36:49,692
I'm pregnant.
- You're pregnant.

453
00:36:50,444 --> 00:36:54,322
I'm pregnant.
- You're going to have a baby.

454
00:36:54,923 --> 00:36:57,118
I'm going to have a baby.

455
00:37:01,908 --> 00:37:04,449
I'm going to have a baby.
- Yes.

456
00:37:08,789 --> 00:37:12,484
If you've got footage of her
punching a horse, I want it.

457
00:37:12,641 --> 00:37:16,165
Bridget, do you want a baby?
- I don't know.

458
00:37:17,295 --> 00:37:19,795
I mean, I'm 43.

459
00:37:19,987 --> 00:37:22,814
It might be the only chance
I'm going to get.

460
00:37:22,942 --> 00:37:28,362
One broken, out of date condom I might
have believed was an acciddent.

461
00:37:29,075 --> 00:37:30,199
But two?

462
00:37:32,058 --> 00:37:33,453
You wanted it.

463
00:37:34,662 --> 00:37:36,314
Maybe I did.

464
00:37:39,257 --> 00:37:41,022
Can we get a medic please?

465
00:37:45,123 --> 00:37:49,076
Oh my God. I'm pregnant.

466
00:37:49,734 --> 00:37:51,522
This is it.

467
00:37:51,930 --> 00:37:55,358
More to the point, whose is it?

468
00:37:55,969 --> 00:37:59,814
This is not how I thought
this moment would be.

469
00:38:00,308 --> 00:38:05,006
I always imagined myself in 'OK!'
magazine with the man of my dreams.

470
00:38:05,352 --> 00:38:08,140
Oh Christ! Too many dilemmas to ponder.

471
00:38:08,300 --> 00:38:09,672
Not least of all...

472
00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:12,796
Who was that man I shagged in a tent?

473
00:38:13,535 --> 00:38:17,787
And so you're age will be 43?

474
00:38:21,387 --> 00:38:22,687
So, umm...

475
00:38:23,559 --> 00:38:30,059
Which of the times with my wonderful
man do you think we got pregnant on?

476
00:38:30,190 --> 00:38:31,606
Does it matter?

477
00:38:31,734 --> 00:38:35,319
Well, yes, it's such a special moment.

478
00:38:35,330 --> 00:38:38,419
We'd like to know which one
it is so we can treasure it.

479
00:38:38,430 --> 00:38:42,755
Can't you treasure both of them?
- Yes, we will, we do.

480
00:38:42,766 --> 00:38:47,066
But surely one of those days is
more likely than the other?

481
00:38:47,424 --> 00:38:53,398
Well, actually, day 10, which was
his birthday, is a little early.

482
00:38:53,409 --> 00:38:57,734
And day 16 which was the...
- Anniversary dinner.

483
00:38:57,745 --> 00:39:01,150
Oh yes, the Osso Buco, I recall,
is a little late.

484
00:39:01,161 --> 00:39:04,295
Are you sure there wasn't another
treasurable occasion in between?

485
00:39:04,701 --> 00:39:08,339
Yes, I'm quite sure.
He was away.

486
00:39:09,826 --> 00:39:12,158
So which of the two would you go for?

487
00:39:12,314 --> 00:39:15,734
Couldn't say. They're both equally likely.
It could have been after the event.

488
00:39:15,745 --> 00:39:18,545
Because as you know, sperm can live
for several days after ejaculation.

489
00:39:18,641 --> 00:39:21,069
Couldn't you just have a guess for me?
- No.

490
00:39:21,228 --> 00:39:25,066
What about the first scan?
Would that show when conception took place?

491
00:39:25,077 --> 00:39:27,606
No. Ring this number to fix a date.

492
00:39:27,734 --> 00:39:30,690
And do bring along the father,
if you can work out which one he is.

493
00:39:32,543 --> 00:39:33,667
Right.

494
00:39:35,067 --> 00:39:36,067
Right.

495
00:39:37,106 --> 00:39:43,442
Just out of interest... If someone did have
an element of confusion about the father...

496
00:39:43,453 --> 00:39:48,206
Well, you can get a DNA sample at the
amniocentesis, and I do recommend that you have

497
00:39:48,217 --> 00:39:52,274
the amniocentesis, because there are
always more risks with a geriatric mother.

498
00:39:54,536 --> 00:39:55,935
Geriatric?
Hmm.

499
00:39:56,491 --> 00:39:59,066
That's outrageous.
- Indeed.

500
00:40:00,583 --> 00:40:04,663
Unless you can sign on for your child
support and pension at the same time.

501
00:40:06,398 --> 00:40:07,763
That's hilarious.

502
00:40:09,930 --> 00:40:12,763
It's called "news"
'cause it should feel new.

503
00:40:12,774 --> 00:40:15,799
Otherwise, it be called "olds".

504
00:40:15,951 --> 00:40:17,077
Sorry.

505
00:40:18,209 --> 00:40:20,487
Last night. Top stories.

506
00:40:20,498 --> 00:40:22,829
Earthquake in Asia, seen it before.

507
00:40:22,956 --> 00:40:25,858
Car crash on the M5...
Blah blah blah

508
00:40:25,869 --> 00:40:29,710
We're making 'old's.
We need to flip the switch, mix it up.

509
00:40:29,742 --> 00:40:32,831
I want a new triple on the shit out.
- She's on the warpath.

510
00:40:32,842 --> 00:40:36,314
Susan, the floor manager's gone.
- She's six months pregnant.

511
00:40:36,325 --> 00:40:40,298
We've got to grab the attention,
get the eyes on the screen.

512
00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:45,169
I want to see headlines like:
"Is Your Sofa Bed Giving You Cancer?"

513
00:40:45,351 --> 00:40:49,823
"Is Your Freezer Giving You Alzheimers?"
- Oh my God. Are they?

514
00:40:49,862 --> 00:40:53,907
Literally no evidence whatsoever, but you're
missing the point. You're intrigued, aren't you?

515
00:40:54,502 --> 00:40:58,836
I want to reload 'Hard News'
with a clear new objective.

516
00:40:58,852 --> 00:41:02,004
We have a presentation in twelve
weeks at the London Media Show...

517
00:41:02,020 --> 00:41:06,717
and I'm looking for someone dynamic,
innovative, focused...

518
00:41:06,733 --> 00:41:08,873
to lead the charge. Any volunteers?

519
00:41:08,984 --> 00:41:11,834
Whatever happens now,
must hold on to job.

520
00:41:11,858 --> 00:41:15,358
Must prove to fascist boss
that I may be single mother...

521
00:41:15,381 --> 00:41:18,112
but am willing to roll with the
ironic bearded hipsters.

522
00:41:18,136 --> 00:41:19,358
Anybody at all?

523
00:41:20,882 --> 00:41:25,479
Do you need to leave, Bridget?
- No, I want to volunteer.

524
00:41:25,788 --> 00:41:28,035
Hashtag: "Let's do this!"

525
00:41:37,251 --> 00:41:43,215
It's me. Turn on your TV now. Look at your
TV. Now. Now. Now. Turn on Channel 4.

526
00:41:46,314 --> 00:41:50,681
Bridget, I've found him.
He's the dating website guru.

527
00:41:50,697 --> 00:41:54,651
See, you have to trust the science.
Algorithms don't lie.

528
00:41:54,678 --> 00:41:58,105
You slept with a fucking billionaire.

529
00:42:00,525 --> 00:42:03,007
So, tell us, Bridget.

530
00:42:03,308 --> 00:42:06,861
What was it that initially attracted you
to the billionaire Jack Qwant?

531
00:42:06,877 --> 00:42:10,603
Was it his face, or his body? Big dick?
- I'd do it with him, obviously.

532
00:42:10,642 --> 00:42:12,809
If I were you I wouldn't
tell either of them.

533
00:42:12,824 --> 00:42:18,402
All you need is a DNA sample from one of them and then
you can eliminate the other one from your enquiries.

534
00:42:18,425 --> 00:42:22,834
What would I say to Mark? "Hello Mark,
I know I just left you asleep...

535
00:42:22,858 --> 00:42:27,127
but do you have any blood,
sperm or old fingernails lying around?"

536
00:42:27,187 --> 00:42:29,152
How do you even get in touch with Jack?

537
00:42:30,321 --> 00:42:31,321
Yeah.

538
00:42:32,315 --> 00:42:36,271
He is a bloody mogul.
Can't just ring him up.

539
00:42:38,561 --> 00:42:42,652
I may have just figured out how
to win favour with new boss...

540
00:42:42,668 --> 00:42:45,906
and eliminate one father from my enquiries.

541
00:42:45,937 --> 00:42:50,485
I have to say, Bridget,
I'm actually excited by this next guest.

542
00:42:50,546 --> 00:42:55,625
Relevant, relatable, extremely fuckable.
Good work.

543
00:42:55,664 --> 00:42:59,177
Welcome to CSI Hard News.

544
00:43:08,488 --> 00:43:11,254
Thank you my love. If you could
just fuck off that'd be great.

545
00:43:17,413 --> 00:43:19,657
Jack, this is Cathy. She'll get you ready.

546
00:43:19,776 --> 00:43:24,090
Hi, Cathy, nice to meet you. - I was
thinking, just a simple magenta eyeshadow...

547
00:43:24,093 --> 00:43:27,291
to make your eyes pop
and a little bit of rouge, maybe?

548
00:43:27,607 --> 00:43:30,941
Kidding.
- You funny.

549
00:43:30,950 --> 00:43:33,993
You do happen to have
a little stray gray hair.

550
00:43:34,033 --> 00:43:37,255
Oh, Jesus.
- That's it.

551
00:43:37,271 --> 00:43:40,211
Actually, there's a whole gray patch.
Shall I just... let me see?

552
00:43:40,227 --> 00:43:44,424
Yes, my hair is full of gray hair.
- Well, that's sorted.

553
00:43:44,472 --> 00:43:48,539
Jesus Christ.
- All gone, that's lovely.

554
00:43:49,354 --> 00:43:54,211
These fingernails on this silver fox could
do with a bit of a trim, couldn't they?

555
00:43:54,358 --> 00:43:57,934
These hands haven't experienced
much manual labour, have they?

556
00:43:58,169 --> 00:44:01,374
No, I'm a mathematician.
- They're silky soft.

557
00:44:01,414 --> 00:44:06,259
Tell me, Jack. Do you happen
to like Chinese food?

558
00:44:07,508 --> 00:44:12,298
Jack, let me take you to the set. Great,
thank you. I do sometimes. Thank you.

559
00:44:12,330 --> 00:44:15,954
I don't think she put any makeup on me.
- It's fine. You're looking radiant.

560
00:44:19,482 --> 00:44:22,633
Ok, coming out of ET in five, four...
And remember the gear change.

561
00:44:22,650 --> 00:44:26,938
And Miranda, cue.
- Now, though, I'm joined by Jack Qwant.

562
00:44:26,954 --> 00:44:32,107
Raised by a single mother in Baltimore, he
created the matchmaking website Qwantify...

563
00:44:32,138 --> 00:44:35,511
and he claims to have found
an algorithm for love.

564
00:44:35,535 --> 00:44:40,415
And he's here today to tell us all about
his number one bestseller Qwantum Leap '.

565
00:44:40,439 --> 00:44:45,875
It is absolutely wonderful to have you on our
sofa today. - Thank you. It's great to be here.

566
00:44:46,997 --> 00:44:51,888
Now, we'll talk all about your new book soon,
obviously. - Yes. But first let's talk about romance.

567
00:44:51,912 --> 00:44:54,315
Qwantify has found
true love for millions.

568
00:44:54,339 --> 00:44:56,578
Monitor two.
- Does it work for you?

569
00:44:56,594 --> 00:44:59,439
Now if I answer that can we
go back and talk about the book?

570
00:44:59,449 --> 00:45:00,454
Maybe.

571
00:45:00,469 --> 00:45:03,188
Can you please try not
to shag him on air?

572
00:45:03,211 --> 00:45:05,526
This is dynamite.
Tell her to flirt with him more.

573
00:45:05,547 --> 00:45:09,984
Some people had their first
crush on Farrah Fawcett.

574
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:12,582
My first crush was an algorithm.
- And we've lost him.

575
00:45:12,605 --> 00:45:17,454
If he carries on talking about algorithms I'm
putting to the VT of cats who look like Hitler.

576
00:45:17,478 --> 00:45:18,560
Back to four. Love it.

577
00:45:18,576 --> 00:45:21,388
He's avoiding the question.
Get him off maths.

578
00:45:21,408 --> 00:45:23,565
Ask him if he's with someone now.

579
00:45:23,677 --> 00:45:27,624
For someone so good at match-making...

580
00:45:27,759 --> 00:45:30,421
is there a special someone in your life?

581
00:45:30,429 --> 00:45:34,921
Apart from Lady Mary on 'Downton Abbey'? Now
can we go ahead and talk about the book?

582
00:45:34,952 --> 00:45:36,990
Cue the Hitler cats.
- Don't be evasive.

583
00:45:37,190 --> 00:45:38,390
Well, don't be evasive.

584
00:45:38,521 --> 00:45:43,087
It's apparant you have everything.
Why have you chosen to have no family?

585
00:45:43,099 --> 00:45:45,818
Why the decision to have no family?
- No children.

586
00:45:46,479 --> 00:45:47,898
And no children?

587
00:45:48,546 --> 00:45:50,387
Brilliant. Zoom in on four.

588
00:45:50,406 --> 00:45:51,839
And in on four.
- Love it.

589
00:45:52,117 --> 00:45:53,942
Look, I love kids...

590
00:45:53,966 --> 00:45:58,974
but I've always found the idea of being
a father myself kind of petrifying.

591
00:45:59,122 --> 00:46:02,942
Which is why I've been drawn to algorithms.
- Cue the Hitler cats.

592
00:46:03,305 --> 00:46:08,740
They're rational, reliable,
predictable, everything a kid isn't.

593
00:46:09,030 --> 00:46:11,814
So, can you have children?
- Can you have children, though?

594
00:46:11,942 --> 00:46:16,991
Are the soldiers working?
- Are the soldiers working?

595
00:46:19,871 --> 00:46:25,598
Well I believe so.
The barracks are in pretty regular use.

596
00:46:25,762 --> 00:46:27,668
Really? - Really?
- Yes.

597
00:46:27,691 --> 00:46:30,750
Because for someone with a
supposed algorithm for love...

598
00:46:30,765 --> 00:46:33,083
Isn't it odd that you've never found it?

599
00:46:33,257 --> 00:46:36,955
Well, I think in order to find something
you have to be actively looking for it.

600
00:46:36,963 --> 00:46:39,274
I've just been too busy; I haven't...

601
00:46:39,298 --> 00:46:43,595
What about the Qwant family bloodline? - And
what about the Qwant family bloodline?

602
00:46:43,619 --> 00:46:48,379
Are there any skeletons in the closet?
- Sexual deviants? - Sexual deviants?

603
00:46:48,399 --> 00:46:52,254
Sorry, I don't know where
we're going with all of this...

604
00:46:52,269 --> 00:46:55,618
but I have to tell you, I can attract
the wrong type of women.

605
00:46:56,495 --> 00:46:59,955
That's really great.
Thank you for sharing that with us.

606
00:47:02,312 --> 00:47:05,258
Bridget, what are you doing?

607
00:47:05,282 --> 00:47:08,021
You wouldn't believe some of the
weirdos that cross my path.

608
00:47:08,029 --> 00:47:09,848
Really?
- Get up.

609
00:47:09,864 --> 00:47:12,141
Can you tell me what she's doing?

610
00:47:12,164 --> 00:47:16,288
Ask him something about algorithms.
- Have to be the last question. Have to be.

611
00:47:16,319 --> 00:47:20,920
Lastly, algorithms.
- Yes.

612
00:47:20,935 --> 00:47:24,063
What first attracted you to them?
- The logic and...

613
00:47:24,075 --> 00:47:27,056
Wonderful, Jack Qwant,
thank you for coming on my sofa.

614
00:47:27,079 --> 00:47:29,945
I hope you've had as much fun as I have.
- Jesus.

615
00:47:29,948 --> 00:47:32,202
That's it from me. Goodbye.

616
00:47:34,226 --> 00:47:38,555
That was great. - You look really
familier, outside of being on the show.

617
00:47:38,571 --> 00:47:40,508
Are you on Tinder?
- What?

618
00:47:40,532 --> 00:47:42,502
Then we won't have met.
- No, okay.

619
00:47:47,955 --> 00:47:51,059
Well hey, how about seeing you here.
- Hi.

620
00:47:51,098 --> 00:47:53,619
Great to see you.
- Good to see you too.

621
00:47:53,635 --> 00:47:59,340
I was going to come and find you to say hello,
but you know how live TV can be, so chaotic.

622
00:47:59,363 --> 00:48:03,689
Well, you know, there are easier ways to get in
touch with me without inviting me on national TV...

623
00:48:03,713 --> 00:48:08,072
and asking me about my sperm.
- What? No, that's not what...

624
00:48:08,222 --> 00:48:10,573
I would've liked to have heard from you.

625
00:48:11,142 --> 00:48:15,201
I was disappointed when I came
back that morning, and you were gone.

626
00:48:15,311 --> 00:48:18,247
You were?
- We had an amazing night.

627
00:48:19,492 --> 00:48:22,958
And I thought you were great.
At least I did until I became a clip...

628
00:48:22,967 --> 00:48:26,436
of the 15 most embarrassing chat
show moments of all time.

629
00:48:27,220 --> 00:48:30,217
Really sorry about that. Yes that...

630
00:48:31,904 --> 00:48:35,296
I don't know how to explain.

631
00:48:41,500 --> 00:48:45,956
I'm pregnant.
- Wow. Okay.

632
00:48:46,558 --> 00:48:50,785
It's so much better than you
being mentally unbalanced.

633
00:48:51,419 --> 00:48:55,385
I'm about twelve weeks.

634
00:48:58,376 --> 00:49:00,941
Oh. Right. Wow.

635
00:49:02,915 --> 00:49:06,282
So you mean that... it's
the music festival? - Yes.

636
00:49:07,135 --> 00:49:12,765
I know, it's quite a surprise.
Yes but...

637
00:49:13,344 --> 00:49:17,215
I'm fine, and umm...
you should know that...

638
00:49:17,239 --> 00:49:21,422
I don't... I'm not looking for
anything from you.

639
00:49:21,449 --> 00:49:25,483
Except for a complete DNA check and a
review of my medical records.

640
00:49:25,721 --> 00:49:31,420
Well, the thing is, I didn't mean
for you to find out about this.

641
00:49:31,434 --> 00:49:35,821
And, umm, I'm feeling a bit foolish.

642
00:49:35,852 --> 00:49:39,508
Mortified, actually. Yes, mortified.

643
00:49:39,533 --> 00:49:45,315
I'd like to just retreat, gracefully?

644
00:49:45,370 --> 00:49:48,122
Mr. Qwant, will you sign my book?

645
00:49:48,733 --> 00:49:53,743
Oh God. I didn't even tell him that he
may not be the only daddy.

646
00:49:53,758 --> 00:49:55,384
Christina.
- I find this amazing book.

647
00:49:55,416 --> 00:49:58,119
Hey, Kitty Kirk, I need to talk to you.

648
00:49:59,500 --> 00:50:04,250
What if this DNA turns out to be Jack's?
I don't want the father to be Jack.

649
00:50:04,439 --> 00:50:08,171
I don't even know Jack.
And what if it's Mark Darcy's?

650
00:50:08,195 --> 00:50:12,310
Christ. I'll have to confess to him that
I've been a whore with dolphin condoms.

651
00:50:12,347 --> 00:50:13,347
Good.

652
00:50:13,620 --> 00:50:15,852
So the baby's ok?
- Perfect.

653
00:50:17,176 --> 00:50:21,781
See?
- Oh my God. Is that it?

654
00:50:27,333 --> 00:50:31,621
And it's alright?
- Sound as a bell. Cooking Nicely.

655
00:50:32,296 --> 00:50:33,391
Have a listen.

656
00:50:39,937 --> 00:50:41,074
There you are.

657
00:50:41,618 --> 00:50:45,030
I've recorded that for you.
You can watch that for a moment.

658
00:50:46,882 --> 00:50:49,839
So glad you decided
on the amniocentesis.

659
00:50:52,387 --> 00:50:53,887
Hello you.

660
00:50:55,538 --> 00:51:01,239
Is that your ear or your foot?
You have got very big feet.

661
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:07,222
Oh, look at you.
Waving already.

662
00:51:12,976 --> 00:51:15,146
You're the best thing I've ever seen.

663
00:51:19,358 --> 00:51:22,769
I promise I'll try my best.

664
00:51:23,648 --> 00:51:28,170
So just stay safe and snug in there...

665
00:51:28,862 --> 00:51:33,029
while I try and sort the mess out here.
And hopefully...

666
00:51:34,925 --> 00:51:39,244
What the fuck is that?
- It's the amniocentesis needle.

667
00:51:39,271 --> 00:51:43,085
We just pop it in, take a little amniotic
fluid, test it for any abnormalities...

668
00:51:43,109 --> 00:51:45,216
and also the DNA sample that you require.

669
00:51:45,232 --> 00:51:49,386
Now, there is the slightest risk of miscarriage
so you'll have to stay very still indeed...

670
00:51:49,410 --> 00:51:51,967
because we don't want the needle
to come into contact... - What?

671
00:51:52,125 --> 00:51:55,366
No, no. I'm not taking that chance.

672
00:51:55,398 --> 00:51:58,893
It's enormous.
It'd go straight through the other side.

673
00:51:58,909 --> 00:52:01,731
Come on, I'm taking you home.

674
00:52:06,215 --> 00:52:10,320
Your mother will be over the moon.
- Will you promise not to tell her?

675
00:52:10,625 --> 00:52:14,200
Just not yet.
- No, of course. I promise.

676
00:52:14,692 --> 00:52:19,019
I'm really sorry, dad, not
to know about the father.

677
00:52:19,039 --> 00:52:21,387
Don't be daft.

678
00:52:21,407 --> 00:52:26,038
I know dozens of people who could have been
anybodys. - So you're not disappointed?

679
00:52:26,483 --> 00:52:31,384
You don't think I belong on Jerry Springer?
- Not a bit, I'm thrilled.

680
00:52:32,543 --> 00:52:37,641
Actually I'm not sure if you're mine or that nice
lieutenant colonel who's 'round the bowls club.

681
00:52:39,583 --> 00:52:40,793
Only joking.

682
00:52:41,182 --> 00:52:44,701
You've got my feet.
I've always had very dainty feet.

683
00:52:47,414 --> 00:52:52,362
Just tell the truth, Bridget. You can't
go too far wrong, telling the truth.

684
00:53:03,681 --> 00:53:09,638
Mark, I have some exciting news. Mark,
I have the funniest story to tell you.

685
00:53:09,775 --> 00:53:12,392
Mark, I'm up the duff.

686
00:53:12,416 --> 00:53:14,261
My lords, my ladies.

687
00:53:14,603 --> 00:53:17,940
There is only one fraud committed
here today and it is this.

688
00:53:17,999 --> 00:53:22,721
To use the laws of one country to destroy
the freedom of speech of another.

689
00:53:23,070 --> 00:53:27,304
A cynical political expedient to take away
the right of these brave young women...

690
00:53:27,320 --> 00:53:30,473
to speak the truth about
the country they love.

691
00:53:31,281 --> 00:53:37,198
Now you may not like their
music and for that I cannot blame you.

692
00:53:37,245 --> 00:53:43,228
They may not have mastered the fundamentals of melody...
or even the most basic tenents of musicianship.

693
00:53:43,244 --> 00:53:47,848
But this is the land of Shakespeare,
Orwell, Lawrence...

694
00:53:47,886 --> 00:53:51,693
I'd forgotten just how hot
he is in that wig and gown.

695
00:53:51,702 --> 00:53:56,688
To any country, any ruler, any despot,
that here in the United Kingdom...

696
00:53:56,696 --> 00:54:01,760
we will always defend and protect women such as
these who have selflessly and courageously...

697
00:54:01,776 --> 00:54:04,708
risked their liberty and
quite possibly their lives...

698
00:54:06,706 --> 00:54:07,920
to tell the truth.

699
00:54:08,388 --> 00:54:11,691
The court will now adjourn
and judgement will be given...

700
00:54:11,699 --> 00:54:15,840
Poonani! Poonani! Power to the Poonani!
Power to the Poonani! - Christ.

701
00:54:16,162 --> 00:54:19,240
Looking forward to going back
to some good old fashioned genocide.

702
00:54:19,320 --> 00:54:20,450
Order.

703
00:54:27,920 --> 00:54:30,327
Right. How to do this?

704
00:54:30,351 --> 00:54:33,271
I didn't expect to see you again
after the events at the christening.

705
00:54:33,287 --> 00:54:34,790
Crap. He's dived right in.

706
00:54:34,814 --> 00:54:39,506
No, right. I understand.
Maybe flattery will work.

707
00:54:39,514 --> 00:54:42,126
You were very impressive in there today.
- Thank you.

708
00:54:43,173 --> 00:54:46,646
Although dealing with them over the last month
has given me a certain amount of sympathy...

709
00:54:46,670 --> 00:54:49,775
for the totalitarian dictator who
wants to silence them.

710
00:54:50,648 --> 00:54:54,197
Okay, jokes.
I'll laugh harder next time.

711
00:54:54,261 --> 00:54:57,067
There's only a certain number of
times that one can listen to the...

712
00:54:57,202 --> 00:55:01,327
resolutely un-catchy "Menstruation,
Castration, Liberation."

713
00:55:02,747 --> 00:55:07,108
Mark, that's hilariously funny.

714
00:55:13,264 --> 00:55:14,264
Please.

715
00:55:23,645 --> 00:55:27,809
So.
- So, Mark.

716
00:55:27,836 --> 00:55:28,840
Yes.

717
00:55:31,033 --> 00:55:35,585
The gardens look lovely. Autumnal.
- Yes.

718
00:55:35,696 --> 00:55:38,625
Is that a conker tree?
- Bridget.

719
00:55:44,509 --> 00:55:48,217
I am pregnant.

720
00:55:51,180 --> 00:55:54,863
Right. Well, congratulations.

721
00:55:56,375 --> 00:55:57,446
How can I help?

722
00:55:59,090 --> 00:56:01,011
I'm three months pregnant.

723
00:56:03,211 --> 00:56:04,211
Oh.

724
00:56:06,361 --> 00:56:07,668
You mean the christening?

725
00:56:09,711 --> 00:56:10,711
Yes.

726
00:56:14,539 --> 00:56:16,173
Would you excuse me for just a moment.

727
00:56:39,272 --> 00:56:41,783
I think that this is quite
possibly the most wonderful

728
00:56:41,883 --> 00:56:44,383
piece of information I have
ever received in my entire life.

729
00:56:45,883 --> 00:56:46,883
Oh!

730
00:56:48,083 --> 00:56:49,083
Ok.

731
00:56:50,032 --> 00:56:54,695
Of course I've got no expectations about how things
should work out. I just thought you should know.

732
00:56:55,088 --> 00:56:56,216
No, of course.

733
00:56:58,705 --> 00:57:03,223
I mean, how do you feel? Are you happy?
- Yes, I am.

734
00:57:03,255 --> 00:57:07,691
So much has happened in the past ten years.
A lot has changed.

735
00:57:07,699 --> 00:57:11,111
I mean, you've been married,
and I've been...

736
00:57:11,237 --> 00:57:15,250
on a number of long haul holidays.

737
00:57:15,266 --> 00:57:17,680
But... So here goes on Jack.

738
00:57:17,704 --> 00:57:19,668
I mean...
- I know about it.

739
00:57:20,885 --> 00:57:24,213
It's just right now I can't bring
myself to feel gloomy about it.

740
00:57:37,400 --> 00:57:41,371
God, how can I tell him now.

741
00:57:45,460 --> 00:57:49,922
State of emergency. Cannot sleep. Looping
thoughts going round and round in head.

742
00:57:49,938 --> 00:57:53,435
It's surely weird that tou can do
something as complicated and important...

743
00:57:53,450 --> 00:57:56,791
as growing a baby or invading
Iraq without any instruction at all.

744
00:57:56,946 --> 00:57:59,403
I keep thinking all the alcohol
I've drunk over the years...

745
00:57:59,424 --> 00:58:01,489
will give the baby
fetal alcohol syndrome.

746
00:58:01,505 --> 00:58:03,184
These are the things I could do.

747
00:58:03,467 --> 00:58:04,853
Tell Mark about Jack...

748
00:58:04,873 --> 00:58:07,647
but risk hurting him so badly
I couldn't live with myself.

749
00:58:07,740 --> 00:58:11,445
Not tell Mark about Jack, but I'd
never be able to go through with it.

750
00:58:11,453 --> 00:58:16,293
Tell both of them the other one is the father and then
if the one who isn't the father is upset about it...

751
00:58:18,532 --> 00:58:22,001
Oh Christ.
Tell no-one and make a run for it.

752
00:58:23,155 --> 00:58:26,359
Hello?
- Hey, it's the father of your child.

753
00:58:27,285 --> 00:58:29,718
Jack?
- Yeah, who else?

754
00:58:30,809 --> 00:58:31,896
Come up.
Ok.

755
00:58:37,390 --> 00:58:42,624
Oh fuckfuckfuck. He's probably employed a
team of Google Earth detectives to find me.

756
00:58:43,148 --> 00:58:45,818
Okay, just act naturally.

757
00:58:50,918 --> 00:58:51,918
Hi.

758
00:58:52,118 --> 00:58:53,118
Hi.

759
00:58:53,588 --> 00:58:55,739
Come in.
- Okay.

760
00:59:00,028 --> 00:59:03,324
You found it.
- Try it on, see if it fits.

761
00:59:06,295 --> 00:59:07,300
Wow.

762
00:59:09,779 --> 00:59:13,733
I didn't expect to see you.
- I wasn't expecting to come.

763
00:59:14,059 --> 00:59:17,758
I'm not used to being rejected. Twice.

764
00:59:19,930 --> 00:59:22,757
I hope you've got cake in that bag.

765
00:59:29,286 --> 00:59:31,183
Yeah, I've been doing a lot of thinking.

766
00:59:33,071 --> 00:59:39,027
Bridget, the whole baby situation threw me initially.
We've squashed an entire relationship into one night...

767
00:59:39,049 --> 00:59:42,212
and skipped straight
to starting a family phase.

768
00:59:42,573 --> 00:59:45,515
We never even had a real second date.

769
00:59:47,445 --> 00:59:52,324
Just so you know if we did,
I would have taken you to Ottolenghi.

770
00:59:52,451 --> 00:59:56,597
You would have had the grilled
salmon and pine nuts salsa.

771
00:59:56,732 --> 01:00:02,282
Unbelievable and healthy.
And we would have come back here...

772
01:00:02,877 --> 01:00:05,004
have incredible sex...

773
01:00:05,028 --> 01:00:09,729
spent the next couple of days
sending each other filthy texts.

774
01:00:21,151 --> 01:00:24,313
I would not have let you
do that on a second date.

775
01:00:24,329 --> 01:00:26,850
Why not. You let me on the first.

776
01:00:26,866 --> 01:00:31,029
And then we'd go on a
naughty weekend to the seaside...

777
01:00:31,045 --> 01:00:35,444
and I would prove my manliness by
winning you a cuddly toy...

778
01:00:36,417 --> 01:00:37,433
at the pier.

779
01:00:37,655 --> 01:00:40,942
I really wanted the giant Scooby-Doo.
- Oh, no-body wins that.

780
01:00:40,967 --> 01:00:42,514
The coconuts are glued on.

781
01:00:51,943 --> 01:00:54,670
What are those for?
- To apologise.

782
01:00:55,133 --> 01:00:56,640
We had our first fight.

783
01:00:57,412 --> 01:01:02,275
I was not flirting with that waitress.
She means nothing to me.

784
01:01:07,435 --> 01:01:11,250
And then I would have...

785
01:01:11,528 --> 01:01:15,551
bought Swedish
furniture for us to make.

786
01:01:16,359 --> 01:01:21,450
If we can get through this, we can
get through anything. - Anything.

787
01:01:22,754 --> 01:01:26,361
I find it adorable how your neck gets
all blotchy when you get nervous.

788
01:01:26,567 --> 01:01:29,847
And I know you'd be the greatest
possible mother to my child.

789
01:02:03,113 --> 01:02:07,182
Oh no, can not fall in love
with shiny new American.

790
01:02:07,230 --> 01:02:10,098
I'll tell them both tomorrow, definitely.

791
01:02:12,047 --> 01:02:17,068
Hi. I just wanted to connect, check how
the presentation is shaping up.

792
01:02:17,100 --> 01:02:20,678
Yeah, totally on top of it,
Neutra Bulleting the shit out of it.

793
01:02:20,693 --> 01:02:24,178
I'm relying on you, Bridget.
I need you to get this right. Understand?

794
01:02:24,209 --> 01:02:28,313
100 percent. You can count on me.
- Great.

795
01:02:33,538 --> 01:02:37,365
You alright?
- I'm fine.

796
01:02:37,540 --> 01:02:41,936
Big party.
I'm so glad to see you back together.

797
01:02:41,951 --> 01:02:44,574
It certainly is Gianni.
- Wonderful news, huh?

798
01:02:44,590 --> 01:02:45,599
Cheers.

799
01:02:46,360 --> 01:02:51,255
I was thinking about Jack.
If it's a boy, after my grandfather.

800
01:02:51,271 --> 01:02:54,759
It's a good strong name.
You can rely on Jack.

801
01:02:54,862 --> 01:02:57,085
Yes, one for the list.

802
01:02:57,100 --> 01:02:58,989
To Jack.
- To Jack.

803
01:03:01,434 --> 01:03:03,046
So this is dad, I presume.

804
01:03:03,070 --> 01:03:06,757
So glad you're here.
It's a unique and wonderful moment.

805
01:03:06,773 --> 01:03:11,356
Dr. Rawlings, I wonder if you
could maybe do me a little favor.

806
01:03:13,375 --> 01:03:17,189
So this is dad, I presume.
Pleased to meet you.

807
01:03:17,332 --> 01:03:23,520
I'm so glad you could be here.
This is a unique and wonderful moment.

808
01:03:23,536 --> 01:03:27,567
Before we start, would you like to
know the sex? - We should be prepared.

809
01:03:27,583 --> 01:03:29,499
I'm not sure...
- It's a boy.

810
01:03:29,830 --> 01:03:33,093
A boy.
- Our boy.

811
01:03:35,098 --> 01:03:36,670
My boy.

812
01:03:38,943 --> 01:03:43,754
Okay, right. This time I have to tell them.
We'll start with Jack.

813
01:03:43,770 --> 01:03:48,600
Have invited him for big scary work
presentation and will explain all afterwards.

814
01:03:51,199 --> 01:03:52,201
Welcome.

815
01:03:52,662 --> 01:03:58,423
In a digital age where every cell phone
is a camera, we are all broadcasters.

816
01:03:58,431 --> 01:04:01,430
"Hard News"
is partnering with the London Media Show...

817
01:04:01,453 --> 01:04:07,777
so you can use your smartphone to create
your own news broadcasting channel.

818
01:04:07,793 --> 01:04:13,292
Simply download the new 'Hard News' app and
broadcast directly to our studios in...

819
01:04:13,308 --> 01:04:18,261
where Miranda is waiting for
our first ever live simulcast.

820
01:04:18,269 --> 01:04:22,798
Hello everyone,
live at the London MediaShow.

821
01:04:22,814 --> 01:04:27,927
And welcome to the new look of
'Hard News' studio.

822
01:04:28,030 --> 01:04:33,253
We are live and yes,
our viewers are broadcasting.

823
01:04:33,554 --> 01:04:36,817
Right. Let's now go to the Grampians...

824
01:04:36,833 --> 01:04:42,777
where Adam Wollaston is leading a team of
Venture Rangers to the top of Ben Nevis.

825
01:04:43,420 --> 01:04:48,528
Hello, Adam Wollaston.
- 'Hard News' sucks balls.

826
01:04:51,254 --> 01:04:53,437
Jesus.
- Oh dear.

827
01:04:53,453 --> 01:04:56,858
Well, let's put that news
story firmly behind us.

828
01:05:05,191 --> 01:05:06,738
Technical glitch.

829
01:05:10,127 --> 01:05:14,989
Of course it's never been easier
to email or text the show.

830
01:05:15,020 --> 01:05:20,761
Just search
"Hard News" or simply H.

831
01:05:20,834 --> 01:05:22,105
Because...

832
01:05:23,405 --> 01:05:25,305
Be... cause...

833
01:05:25,555 --> 01:05:28,173
Holy fuck. What's he doing here?

834
01:05:28,189 --> 01:05:32,751
Because at 'Hard News', we believe...

835
01:05:34,140 --> 01:05:38,585
We believe that we are ready
and on the front line...

836
01:05:38,601 --> 01:05:42,816
asking the questions
the world wants answers to.

837
01:05:49,576 --> 01:05:50,600
Turn around.

838
01:06:02,091 --> 01:06:06,289
Thank you. Okay.
Career down the toilet.

839
01:06:06,313 --> 01:06:10,960
Both men in the same room.
What could possibly go wrong?

840
01:06:14,837 --> 01:06:17,566
I hope you don't mind me just
showing up and surprising you.

841
01:06:17,739 --> 01:06:20,631
No.
- Well done. It was very...

842
01:06:21,856 --> 01:06:24,886
Yes.
- Technically adroit.

843
01:06:25,489 --> 01:06:29,752
Mark, I would love for you to meet...

844
01:06:37,356 --> 01:06:41,876
Ariyaratna Sithamparanathan.

845
01:06:41,896 --> 01:06:48,003
Ariyaratna's is the area manager
for DTC Technological Solutions.

846
01:06:48,019 --> 01:06:50,866
Aren't you, Ari Sinatra?

847
01:06:54,383 --> 01:06:55,984
Hi.
- Hello.

848
01:06:56,384 --> 01:06:57,384
Hey.

849
01:06:59,248 --> 01:07:02,656
What the hell was that?
What'ere you thinking?

850
01:07:02,679 --> 01:07:06,134
I've got four voicemails from David
Cartwright that I dare not listen to.

851
01:07:06,158 --> 01:07:08,912
I'll be right back.
- You call that a presentation?

852
01:07:08,931 --> 01:07:11,792
I don't know whether I've the right people
around me because you're not...

853
01:07:11,800 --> 01:07:14,322
Alice, I'm so sorry.
Yeah well sorry isn't good enough.

854
01:07:14,338 --> 01:07:19,263
Excuse me. Look at me when I'm talking to you.
Excuse me. - I'm so sorry, but I really...

855
01:07:20,696 --> 01:07:21,696
What?

856
01:07:22,789 --> 01:07:25,651
Bridget, I'd like you to meet Jack Qwant.
He's rather extraordinary.

857
01:07:25,666 --> 01:07:29,209
I was just reading a profile of him
in The New Yorker. - Right, yes.

858
01:07:29,225 --> 01:07:31,875
We actually know each other.
Yes, we certainly do.

859
01:07:31,899 --> 01:07:34,100
Good job. Why didn't you
introduce me to this man before?

860
01:07:34,116 --> 01:07:37,473
He's brilliant. You know, he represents the
punk rock band that's being extradited.

861
01:07:37,489 --> 01:07:40,111
That's right.
- Yes. Yes. I knew that too.

862
01:07:40,135 --> 01:07:43,533
Hi, we've met fleetingly before as well.

863
01:07:43,556 --> 01:07:46,245
I'm in charge of data management
for most of Daventry.

864
01:07:47,145 --> 01:07:49,045
Oh. Well, umm...

865
01:07:49,306 --> 01:07:54,501
I must say it's fantastic that you're getting
on so well because you have a lot in common.

866
01:07:54,685 --> 01:08:00,679
Shall we get out of here, and find a place a bit
quieter? - Yes, why not. I booked Gianni's.

867
01:08:00,695 --> 01:08:03,075
Great.
- That sounds lovely.

868
01:08:04,895 --> 01:08:10,045
You might have to sit this
one out, Arinuth. I'm sorry.

869
01:08:16,088 --> 01:08:20,398
So do you actually believe that mathematics
can... how did you put it in your book?

870
01:08:20,412 --> 01:08:23,543
Help us analyze behavior
previously invisible to science?

871
01:08:23,559 --> 01:08:28,424
Well, my dating algorithm is to help people
find love, not necessarily replace it.

872
01:08:28,440 --> 01:08:33,208
Oh no, is incredible idea.
- Have you ever tried it out?

873
01:08:34,879 --> 01:08:40,178
You're single, right?
- Well, I'm... Yes, I suppose so.

874
01:08:41,234 --> 01:08:43,303
How did you two meet?

875
01:08:47,787 --> 01:08:50,957
Yeah.
- It's umm...

876
01:08:52,366 --> 01:08:56,064
It's sort of a funny story.
Sort of.

877
01:08:58,442 --> 01:08:59,442
You see, umm...

878
01:08:59,642 --> 01:09:05,053
a few months ago, on the fourth of the
month, I met Jack at a music festival.

879
01:09:05,074 --> 01:09:06,074
Right.

880
01:09:06,093 --> 01:09:12,268
And we got on very well
and sort of had... relations.

881
01:09:12,293 --> 01:09:18,721
And the next week, that is to say, on the eleventh of
the month at Jude's baby christening to be exact...

882
01:09:18,745 --> 01:09:24,684
following the consumption of a large amount of
alcohol, Mark and I, well, we had similar relations.

883
01:09:25,383 --> 01:09:31,311
And, um, this is the funny part, I suppose.
Owing to these relations...

884
01:09:31,334 --> 01:09:37,095
the resulting life form currently residing in my
tummy, could actually, in fact, be either of yours.

885
01:09:46,719 --> 01:09:52,775
I know I should have told you both
before but... I just didn't.

886
01:09:55,145 --> 01:09:56,855
You both seemed so happy.

887
01:09:57,178 --> 01:10:01,073
So correct me if I'm wrong, but did you just
say that the baby could be either of us?

888
01:10:04,533 --> 01:10:08,726
So you have no idea which
of us is actually the father?

889
01:10:12,318 --> 01:10:17,411
I know, it's all very confusing.
I'm sorry.

890
01:10:18,011 --> 01:10:19,111
I'm sorry.

891
01:10:19,857 --> 01:10:25,065
So however we choose to do this...

892
01:10:27,695 --> 01:10:31,319
the most important thing now is this.

893
01:10:35,068 --> 01:10:37,648
Bridget, I'm not going to
pretend this isn't a shock.

894
01:10:39,067 --> 01:10:43,075
I want you to know whatever
the circumstance...

895
01:10:44,285 --> 01:10:46,412
The most important thing is the baby.

896
01:10:47,641 --> 01:10:50,176
Who knows, this could be a great adventure.

897
01:10:50,646 --> 01:10:54,101
I'm afraid you're going to have
to excuse me. I have a meeting.

898
01:10:59,155 --> 01:11:01,574
Good night
- Mark...

899
01:11:08,764 --> 01:11:11,736
Gianni, can we have the bill please?
- Subito.

900
01:11:20,382 --> 01:11:22,300
And if I thought that was tricky...

901
01:11:22,323 --> 01:11:26,315
how would the news go down at mum's
parish council election campaign?

902
01:11:26,481 --> 01:11:29,624
Honestly, we started half an hour ago.
Where have you been?

903
01:11:29,648 --> 01:11:33,552
You said it was an emergency. Well, The
Gazette wants to take a family portrait.

904
01:11:33,576 --> 01:11:34,657
What are you wearing?

905
01:11:36,336 --> 01:11:38,917
Oh my God. Bridget, you're...
- Yes.

906
01:11:41,513 --> 01:11:46,382
Why didn't you say anything?
- I didn't want to upset you.

907
01:11:46,403 --> 01:11:51,278
Why would you?
Oh no, Bridget. Who's the father?

908
01:11:51,487 --> 01:11:56,176
It's not Mark is it? Oh, do say it is.
- There's at least a 50 percent chance.

909
01:11:56,192 --> 01:12:00,151
A 50 percent chance? - Mark and this
really nice American called Jack.

910
01:12:00,175 --> 01:12:04,453
Oh no, Bridget. An American?
Did you have a three-way?

911
01:12:04,726 --> 01:12:06,321
Mrs Jones.

912
01:12:08,250 --> 01:12:12,899
Here, take this and pretend everything
is fine. - Everything is fine.

913
01:12:12,930 --> 01:12:17,924
Ms. Jones, can we...
Here's a lovely place for you to stand.

914
01:12:21,059 --> 01:12:25,225
Are you ashamed of me?
- No darling. It's just the circumstances.

915
01:12:25,241 --> 01:12:27,695
I'm running for high office.
See?

916
01:12:28,596 --> 01:12:32,275
If you love family and you
love values... it's so long.

917
01:12:32,661 --> 01:12:35,437
It's not the 1950's.

918
01:12:35,651 --> 01:12:40,578
Look around you.
Two lesbians just adopted at number 32.

919
01:12:41,079 --> 01:12:45,370
If you don't change the way you look at things,
you're going to lose your precious election...

920
01:12:45,786 --> 01:12:47,527
and perhaps your daughter.

921
01:12:49,971 --> 01:12:52,707
Bridget, so lovely to see you.

922
01:12:52,889 --> 01:12:55,195
Are you...?
- Yes, I am.

923
01:12:55,319 --> 01:12:59,726
How wonderful.
We thought you'd just got all fat again.

924
01:13:02,943 --> 01:13:08,157
I'm now the Mary Magdalene of middle
England. Have alienated Mom and Mark Darcy.

925
01:13:08,159 --> 01:13:12,441
Am like tropical female insect that shags
men to impregnate self and eats them.

926
01:13:12,487 --> 01:13:17,319
The question is: will Mark even turn up
and engage in a polyamorous family?

927
01:13:25,937 --> 01:13:27,437
Hey.
Hello.

928
01:13:27,537 --> 01:13:30,020
First pre-natal class.

929
01:13:30,753 --> 01:13:33,011
Exciting, huh?
- Yeah.

930
01:13:34,859 --> 01:13:36,611
You look great.

931
01:13:43,195 --> 01:13:44,931
Hello.

932
01:13:45,943 --> 01:13:49,217
I'm so glad you came.
- Yeah, me too.

933
01:13:49,403 --> 01:13:52,776
I brought you a nice tea.
- Oh, wow. Thank you.

934
01:13:54,951 --> 01:13:59,693
It's off 'till this evening. But there's
a heck of a lot of caffeine in that tea.

935
01:13:59,703 --> 01:14:03,426
I brought you a... super juice.

936
01:14:04,535 --> 01:14:09,194
Thank you.
Shall we go in?

937
01:14:09,196 --> 01:14:11,585
Why not?
- Sure. Let me carry that for you.

938
01:14:11,587 --> 01:14:14,777
Thank you.
- Can I carry your phone, please?

939
01:14:15,977 --> 01:14:16,977
Okay.

940
01:14:18,911 --> 01:14:20,159
Thank you.

941
01:14:21,079 --> 01:14:23,119
And who do we have here, then?

942
01:14:23,243 --> 01:14:27,867
I'm Bridget and this is Jack...

943
01:14:27,995 --> 01:14:31,370
and this is Mark.

944
01:14:32,370 --> 01:14:38,513
Oh. Lovely.
You're our second same sex couple today.

945
01:14:41,287 --> 01:14:44,471
No, actually we're...
- Absolutely.

946
01:14:44,473 --> 01:14:48,281
We just need the gift of a baby
to make us feel complete.

947
01:14:48,367 --> 01:14:51,923
You must be the surrogate?
- Exactly, yes.

948
01:14:51,925 --> 01:14:55,203
Just helping this wonderful couple
make their dream come true.

949
01:14:55,205 --> 01:14:59,768
Mark is very nervous about all this.
All new to you, isn't it, lamb chop?

950
01:15:02,327 --> 01:15:05,867
Like all visionaries,
we encounter bumps along the road.

951
01:15:05,995 --> 01:15:10,294
How would you like to give birth
to your placenta? - Quickly.

952
01:15:35,159 --> 01:15:36,838
Are you okay? Are you sure?

953
01:15:37,240 --> 01:15:41,414
And of course massage can have
many benefits throughout pregnancy.

954
01:15:41,416 --> 01:15:45,479
Can we name some of them? - It relieves
stress and promotes feel good hormones.

955
01:15:45,481 --> 01:15:48,028
And is also to be avoided in
cases of high risk pregnancy...

956
01:15:48,048 --> 01:15:50,183
For example, when there
is a geriatric mother.

957
01:15:50,203 --> 01:15:53,414
Right, excellent, someone's
been reading up.

958
01:15:53,416 --> 01:15:56,750
Would you like to have a go? - No, I
think I'll let Jack get on with it....

959
01:15:56,752 --> 01:15:59,435
I think he seems to have it covered.
- That's very sweet of you.

960
01:15:59,437 --> 01:16:01,653
That's why I love you, my little teacup.

961
01:16:03,995 --> 01:16:07,367
What if we ask the right questions
and apply the laws of mathematics...

962
01:16:07,495 --> 01:16:10,495
so that the science of courtship
could be quantified?

963
01:17:06,827 --> 01:17:10,151
May I please make an application
to lead to an appeal...

964
01:17:10,153 --> 01:17:14,480
in the case of Her Majesty's
Government and Saddiq Al Bashir.

965
01:17:15,035 --> 01:17:18,144
As Your Lordship is aware,
Mr. Al Bashir has lost.

966
01:17:18,164 --> 01:17:22,400
So everything's alright?
- Yes, well, it's this combination...

967
01:17:22,402 --> 01:17:26,743
gherkins, anchovies,
banana juice and Pringles.

968
01:17:27,203 --> 01:17:30,429
So essentially...
- It's wind.

969
01:17:32,234 --> 01:17:38,411
Right, so, going forward regular Pringles,
not hot, spicy barbecue?

970
01:17:38,413 --> 01:17:41,632
Or possibly no Pringles at all. Try that.

971
01:17:44,979 --> 01:17:48,539
Is everything alright? Is Bridget okay?
- Yes, perfectly fine.

972
01:17:49,103 --> 01:17:54,603
She's in there with... That's Dr. Pringle.
He's testing her blood. This is interesting.

973
01:17:54,605 --> 01:17:58,457
This is a new bedside technique we're
testing out of Oslo. It's Norwegian.

974
01:17:58,459 --> 01:18:02,237
It's alright. I know about Jack. Thank you
doctor. - Oh, thank God. Why didn't you tell me?

975
01:18:02,355 --> 01:18:05,147
She's fine. He's calmed her
down completely, actually.

976
01:18:05,563 --> 01:18:08,703
I'm sorry, I got your messages.
I was in court.

977
01:18:11,979 --> 01:18:15,458
Hi. It's alright.
Can't be helped.

978
01:18:19,311 --> 01:18:22,395
You should get it.
It might be work.

979
01:18:25,355 --> 01:18:28,855
Don't worry. I got it covered.
- Yes, I can see that.

980
01:18:29,855 --> 01:18:34,777
Wow. Okay, you need to chill out.
We have to do this together.

981
01:18:34,855 --> 01:18:39,960
You know, in Peru the Um Bat Do, consider paternity
attach shared responsibility among the many tribesmen.

982
01:18:39,962 --> 01:18:43,111
Unfortunately, we Um Bat don't
live in Peru. I live in Ealing.

983
01:18:44,771 --> 01:18:47,952
Negative energy is just
so bad for the baby.

984
01:18:50,227 --> 01:18:54,778
Stop it. Both of you.
This isn't a competition.

985
01:18:57,147 --> 01:19:01,926
She's right. We should take this
toxic energy out of the room.

986
01:19:10,435 --> 01:19:11,855
I won't be a minute.

987
01:19:24,147 --> 01:19:29,468
What's up? Come on, buddy.
Why are you so angry?

988
01:19:30,687 --> 01:19:32,687
You know what?
I'm really not your buddy.

989
01:19:32,811 --> 01:19:36,315
I don't know about vibes or negative
energy or prenatal wind...

990
01:19:36,317 --> 01:19:38,000
and even less about algorithms...

991
01:19:38,002 --> 01:19:41,349
so I will confess that the laws
of attraction are somewhat beyond me.

992
01:19:41,687 --> 01:19:44,271
In fact,
Bridget defies comprehension generally.

993
01:19:44,395 --> 01:19:47,479
But despite, or perhaps owing to the
bewildering litany of catastrophes

994
01:19:47,603 --> 01:19:50,867
I've witnessed over the last 40 years, I feel
I've come to know Bridget rather well...

995
01:19:50,869 --> 01:19:52,890
and I've spent those years
caring for her very deeply.

996
01:19:52,892 --> 01:19:56,109
And that may defy automated reasoning,
but there's nothing I can do about it.

997
01:19:56,129 --> 01:19:57,303
Nothing you can do about it?

998
01:19:57,305 --> 01:20:00,587
Maybe you should try and stay around a little,
instead of saving the world by cellphone.

999
01:20:00,607 --> 01:20:01,918
I make her happy, Mark.

1000
01:20:01,938 --> 01:20:05,102
And I suppose your algorithm tells you
you're destined to be together, does it.

1001
01:20:05,122 --> 01:20:07,683
Actually it does.
The fact that you've been trying

1002
01:20:07,783 --> 01:20:10,183
and failing for the past ten
years tells me you are not.

1003
01:20:10,647 --> 01:20:12,811
No...
- I don't want to fight with you.

1004
01:20:16,103 --> 01:20:17,941
We should think about
Bridget and the baby.

1005
01:20:17,943 --> 01:20:20,639
For better or worse,
fate has brought us together.

1006
01:20:20,641 --> 01:20:24,147
It wasn't fate, it was condoms.
- What do you mean?

1007
01:20:24,271 --> 01:20:27,519
Those ridiculous dolphin friendly things
from the bottom of Bridget's bag.

1008
01:20:28,647 --> 01:20:32,387
I'm sorry, I have no idea what you're talking
about. When Bridget and I got it on, I was...

1009
01:20:32,979 --> 01:20:35,224
I was not dressed for the occasion.

1010
01:21:18,187 --> 01:21:20,147
No Mark today?
- No.

1011
01:21:25,935 --> 01:21:29,502
We must thank one person who
was prepared to fight for us...

1012
01:21:29,504 --> 01:21:32,413
when no one else would,
and we say to that person...

1013
01:21:32,771 --> 01:21:34,147
with all our hearts...

1014
01:21:38,855 --> 01:21:40,979
"Freedom!"

1015
01:21:43,855 --> 01:21:46,227
Bridget, we're back.

1016
01:21:47,771 --> 01:21:51,395
I still can't believe Mark
ducked out like that.

1017
01:21:51,519 --> 01:21:53,435
Well, it's not really his fault.

1018
01:21:53,563 --> 01:21:58,853
I suppose we just have
to hope it's Jack's, right?

1019
01:21:59,311 --> 01:22:04,380
I mean, let's face it, things could be
worse. He's pretty fucking amazing.

1020
01:22:04,382 --> 01:22:07,771
He's richer than God and he
has a very nice sized puppet.

1021
01:22:07,895 --> 01:22:12,647
He does, and we match
up very nicely on paper.

1022
01:22:13,435 --> 01:22:17,013
Well, how do you know?
- You just have to have faith.

1023
01:22:17,015 --> 01:22:22,185
You just have to ask yourself:
can I see myself growing old...

1024
01:22:22,187 --> 01:22:26,126
with this guy, and not Mark Darcy?

1025
01:22:28,479 --> 01:22:31,718
There it is. Here we go.

1026
01:22:38,818 --> 01:22:39,818
Oh, hey!

1027
01:22:41,271 --> 01:22:44,311
You know, first few months,
they only see black and white.

1028
01:22:44,435 --> 01:22:47,187
This will help stimulate spatial awareness.

1029
01:22:47,311 --> 01:22:49,271
Or early onset motion sickness.

1030
01:22:50,895 --> 01:22:54,437
I got him one of these.
A bouncy chair.

1031
01:22:55,979 --> 01:22:58,935
Not quite sure where we're going to put it.

1032
01:23:00,479 --> 01:23:06,114
About that... It's kind of cramped
in here, don't you think?

1033
01:23:08,519 --> 01:23:10,328
It's cosy.

1034
01:23:12,237 --> 01:23:17,885
You know, I've been thinking.
Might be nice if we moved in together.

1035
01:23:18,063 --> 01:23:20,407
You think we're ready for that?

1036
01:23:20,409 --> 01:23:24,860
I'm just tired of living in
hotel rooms and airport lounges.

1037
01:23:25,395 --> 01:23:30,296
We could be a family.
Me, you and him.

1038
01:23:31,395 --> 01:23:33,121
What do you say?

1039
01:23:38,395 --> 01:23:41,435
What if it's not yours?
- What?

1040
01:23:41,563 --> 01:23:44,019
What if the baby turns out to be Mark's?

1041
01:23:49,435 --> 01:23:52,116
Well, I mean, it'd certainly change things.

1042
01:23:56,979 --> 01:23:59,741
Is that what you want?
For it to be Mark's?

1043
01:24:05,603 --> 01:24:07,311
Are you in love with him?

1044
01:24:10,771 --> 01:24:15,076
I have been in the past.

1045
01:24:16,687 --> 01:24:18,103
And me?

1046
01:24:20,355 --> 01:24:23,754
I could be, one day.

1047
01:24:31,979 --> 01:24:36,068
Bridget, I haven't been
totally honest with you.

1048
01:24:37,103 --> 01:24:40,914
Mark thinks the baby isn't his,
and I let him believe it was mine.

1049
01:24:41,519 --> 01:24:43,811
That's why he disappeared.

1050
01:24:47,687 --> 01:24:50,435
Why would he think that?
- Because I let him.

1051
01:24:50,563 --> 01:24:52,603
Because I wanted you for myself.

1052
01:24:56,103 --> 01:24:58,227
We could be so good for each other.

1053
01:25:00,435 --> 01:25:06,535
97 percent.
- On paper.

1054
01:25:07,227 --> 01:25:10,033
But falling in love
doesn't happen on paper.

1055
01:25:11,519 --> 01:25:16,578
Sometimes you love a person because
of all the reasons they're not like you.

1056
01:25:19,895 --> 01:25:23,603
And sometimes you love a person
just because they feel like home.

1057
01:25:27,811 --> 01:25:29,727
I've got to find Mark.

1058
01:25:36,271 --> 01:25:41,331
Hello, Pierce. It's Bridget.
I'm trying to get hold of Mark.

1059
01:25:41,333 --> 01:25:44,895
He just got back from a trip, Bridget.
He's in a taxi on his way home.

1060
01:26:19,311 --> 01:26:20,983
Hi.

1061
01:27:04,687 --> 01:27:08,102
Approximately eight weeks to go.

1062
01:27:13,603 --> 01:27:16,278
You don't really need them, you know.

1063
01:27:16,280 --> 01:27:18,444
All they're good for is fitting car seats,
and blaming things on,

1064
01:27:18,445 --> 01:27:20,245
they really just get in the way after that.

1065
01:27:21,479 --> 01:27:25,174
You're absolutely capable of
doing this on your own.

1066
01:27:26,103 --> 01:27:27,933
I did.

1067
01:27:46,835 --> 01:27:52,662
You know what? I can do this on my own.
We can do this on our own.

1068
01:27:53,047 --> 01:27:57,419
One of the perks of being pregnant is I no
longer feel like a tragic lonely spinster.

1069
01:27:57,547 --> 01:28:00,255
Because of a miniature
miracle growing inside.

1070
01:28:00,379 --> 01:28:03,107
Hello.
Hello!

1071
01:28:05,171 --> 01:28:08,463
Mum's throwing a
Christmas party / political rally.

1072
01:28:08,587 --> 01:28:13,702
It's like the G8 summit with Scotch eggs.
Be brave. Go in.

1073
01:28:14,671 --> 01:28:16,379
Hello darling.
- Hello.

1074
01:28:16,503 --> 01:28:20,211
Sorry, I didn't realise everyone was here.
I'll just pop upstairs.

1075
01:28:20,335 --> 01:28:26,542
No, nonsense. Nonsense.
Una's had all the posters reprinted.

1076
01:28:28,465 --> 01:28:30,780
You've inspired me.
- Still so long.

1077
01:28:30,782 --> 01:28:33,304
You were quite right, as it turns out.

1078
01:28:33,306 --> 01:28:37,671
This place is teeming with single mothers,
single fathers, bisexuals, surrogates.

1079
01:28:37,795 --> 01:28:39,879
And they're all lovely and so normal.

1080
01:28:40,003 --> 01:28:43,865
Do you know, I've even got two homosexuals
on the team. - No, thank you.

1081
01:28:43,867 --> 01:28:45,879
Who knew?
- Everybody.

1082
01:28:47,503 --> 01:28:49,671
I'm so proud of you, darling.
You know that?

1083
01:28:50,171 --> 01:28:53,623
What you're doing is not easy,
but if anyone can make it work, it's you.

1084
01:28:54,379 --> 01:28:58,221
That child is the luckiest boy on
earth to have you as his mother.

1085
01:28:58,547 --> 01:29:02,316
And he's going to have the love of
a million fathers with you by his side.

1086
01:29:03,711 --> 01:29:06,623
Come on. We've got some campaigning to do.

1087
01:29:06,625 --> 01:29:10,218
Make way. Make way.
Single pregnant mother coming through.

1088
01:29:11,963 --> 01:29:17,674
Laura, Josh. We need to give six
minutes to General Lu Tong, ok.

1089
01:29:18,087 --> 01:29:21,865
It's a huge scoop.
- Yeah, Alice wants to pull the interview.

1090
01:29:21,867 --> 01:29:25,087
She's got a feature on
"Is The World Really Ending On Tuesday?"

1091
01:29:25,211 --> 01:29:28,795
Well it may as well if we lose Lu Tong.
Lu Tong stays.

1092
01:29:28,919 --> 01:29:31,047
Six minutes. Let's do this.

1093
01:29:32,463 --> 01:29:37,281
General Lu Tong, hi.
Sorry it's so chaotic in here today.

1094
01:29:37,711 --> 01:29:41,087
Thank you for coming on.
We're on, live, in two minutes.

1095
01:29:41,211 --> 01:29:45,835
Miranda will probably want to start with
what's going on in Naypyidaw.

1096
01:29:45,963 --> 01:29:48,700
Go three.
- Miranda, back to General Lu Tong.

1097
01:29:48,702 --> 01:29:52,738
Keep pressing. - So let me ask you
one more time, General Lu Tong...

1098
01:29:52,740 --> 01:29:55,711
will you take responsibility for the
human rights abuses...

1099
01:29:55,835 --> 01:29:57,671
perpetrated by your own government?

1100
01:29:57,673 --> 01:30:01,205
He's on the rack. Tight on 4.
Get those beads of sweat.

1101
01:30:01,207 --> 01:30:04,503
In you go, 4. Push it.
- I'm sorry, I can't answer that.

1102
01:30:04,627 --> 01:30:07,080
Can't, or won't, Lu Tong?

1103
01:30:07,180 --> 01:30:09,480
- Can't, or won't, General Lu Tong?

1104
01:30:09,482 --> 01:30:12,326
On balance, I'd suggest
"can't", considering

1105
01:30:12,327 --> 01:30:15,127
I've just found General
Lu Tong in the lobby,

1106
01:30:15,129 --> 01:30:17,801
and his chauffeur is currently
live on air answering

1107
01:30:17,802 --> 01:30:20,402
questions about Far Eastern geopolitics.

1108
01:30:20,404 --> 01:30:24,095
No? Any comments you want to make
about the use of sexual torture...

1109
01:30:24,097 --> 01:30:25,454
by your own military?

1110
01:30:26,547 --> 01:30:30,990
Ask him about London traffic.
- London traffic, General Lu Tong,

1111
01:30:30,992 --> 01:30:35,009
anything to say about that?
No comment there. Unbelievable.

1112
01:30:35,295 --> 01:30:39,292
That's it from General Lu Tong.
We'll see you after this short break.

1113
01:30:39,294 --> 01:30:40,685
Good job.

1114
01:30:43,671 --> 01:30:46,211
Unfortunately, you leave me no choice.

1115
01:30:46,335 --> 01:30:49,881
It is actually illegal to fire
somebody for being pregnant.

1116
01:30:49,883 --> 01:30:52,924
I'm not firing her for being pregnant.
I'm firing her for gross incompetency.

1117
01:30:52,926 --> 01:30:57,099
Bridget is the beating heart of this show.
How could you want to fire her?

1118
01:30:57,101 --> 01:30:59,948
How about for interviewing a
chauffeur instead of a general?

1119
01:30:59,950 --> 01:31:04,194
Using a TV interview to determine if a
guest might be the father of her child...

1120
01:31:04,196 --> 01:31:08,679
and being responsible for the
broadcast of six bare arses?

1121
01:31:14,171 --> 01:31:17,726
It's okay.
It really okay, Richard.

1122
01:31:18,255 --> 01:31:21,909
I was going to quit anyway.
Probably.

1123
01:31:22,419 --> 01:31:26,755
Believe it or not, I was a little
like you when I started here.

1124
01:31:26,879 --> 01:31:32,159
A little chunkier and much less makeup,
but I wanted to make my mark too.

1125
01:31:32,379 --> 01:31:34,835
But I don't want to be
part of your re-branding.

1126
01:31:34,963 --> 01:31:39,120
I haven't got the right haircut anyway
and I don't drink cocktails out of jam jars

1127
01:31:39,122 --> 01:31:41,444
or post photos of my lunch on Instagram.

1128
01:31:41,446 --> 01:31:43,946
And I suppose it's become
unfashionable to care

1129
01:31:43,947 --> 01:31:46,347
about wanting to make
something worthwhile.

1130
01:31:46,367 --> 01:31:50,738
But I would rather be old-fashioned
and unemployed...

1131
01:31:50,740 --> 01:31:53,694
than part of a show that
celebrates the inane.

1132
01:31:53,963 --> 01:31:56,764
Then maybe when my boy
is old enough to understand,

1133
01:31:56,765 --> 01:31:59,565
integrity will be fashionable again.

1134
01:32:27,547 --> 01:32:29,127
What have I done?

1135
01:32:43,919 --> 01:32:46,507
It's all very well fighting
for your principles

1136
01:32:46,508 --> 01:32:49,108
when there's no food in the fridge.

1137
01:32:53,879 --> 01:32:57,756
I mean, how difficult can
it be to find another job...

1138
01:32:57,758 --> 01:33:01,157
when you've just been fired
and your nine months pregnant?

1139
01:33:01,335 --> 01:33:06,329
And whatever happens now, I'm going
to get you one of those bloody Bugaboos.

1140
01:33:09,503 --> 01:33:11,406
Birthday?

1141
01:33:13,255 --> 01:33:15,919
Oh God, brains gone to mush.

1142
01:33:16,503 --> 01:33:17,919
First shag?

1143
01:33:23,474 --> 01:33:24,546
No.

1144
01:33:26,879 --> 01:33:28,574
Bugger.

1145
01:33:33,295 --> 01:33:34,919
I'm very sorry.

1146
01:33:37,671 --> 01:33:41,243
I've gone all crap, all of a sudden.

1147
01:33:41,843 --> 01:33:42,843
Right.

1148
01:33:53,087 --> 01:33:55,379
No, no, no, no.
Fuck.

1149
01:35:32,511 --> 01:35:35,595
Okay, new pre-birth resolutions.

1150
01:35:35,719 --> 01:35:40,387
I, Bridget Jones, am going to be
the best mother in the world.

1151
01:35:41,263 --> 01:35:43,555
I'm going to try not to
leave you in a shop...

1152
01:35:43,679 --> 01:35:48,555
or put you in the washing machine like the
woman in the newspaper with her cat.

1153
01:35:48,679 --> 01:35:53,829
Look, I know I made you a promise
to get things sorted before you got here.

1154
01:35:54,011 --> 01:35:59,547
Well the truth is, I haven't,
but you and me can do this together...

1155
01:36:00,219 --> 01:36:04,064
because knights in shining armour
don't exist any more.

1156
01:36:04,763 --> 01:36:08,753
Or do they?

1157
01:36:23,719 --> 01:36:25,366
Hi.

1158
01:36:26,511 --> 01:36:30,900
Bridget. Good God, what are you
doing there? You're all wet.

1159
01:36:30,902 --> 01:36:35,011
Yes, I locked myself out,
and left my bag...

1160
01:36:35,013 --> 01:36:40,342
Lost my keys, phone, my mind.

1161
01:36:41,303 --> 01:36:43,219
What are you doing here?

1162
01:36:44,847 --> 01:36:50,932
It seems I can always find time to
save the world, but you're my world.

1163
01:36:58,263 --> 01:37:00,803
I thought you were back with Candida.

1164
01:37:01,555 --> 01:37:05,498
You know perfectly well her name's Camilla.
- Camilla.

1165
01:37:07,847 --> 01:37:12,683
I came round your house to find you,
and she was there.

1166
01:37:12,685 --> 01:37:16,020
She came to collect her bags.
Gone back to The Hague.

1167
01:37:16,219 --> 01:37:18,347
Just taken her to the airport.

1168
01:37:37,469 --> 01:37:38,717
Thank you.

1169
01:37:42,261 --> 01:37:43,977
Bridget...

1170
01:37:45,009 --> 01:37:47,469
You know I find emotional declarations...

1171
01:37:48,677 --> 01:37:50,312
difficult.

1172
01:37:52,093 --> 01:37:53,717
But the truth is...

1173
01:37:58,925 --> 01:38:01,345
Why are my trousers warm?

1174
01:38:04,801 --> 01:38:07,133
My waters must have broken.
- Oh Jesus.

1175
01:38:07,261 --> 01:38:09,425
So sorry. I'll get a cloth.

1176
01:38:09,427 --> 01:38:11,836
But you're not due for another
two or three weeks.

1177
01:38:11,838 --> 01:38:15,633
That's a contraction. I think we
should get to the hospital quickly.

1178
01:38:15,761 --> 01:38:18,043
Absolutely.
- Let's take your car.

1179
01:38:18,045 --> 01:38:20,845
I came in a taxi.
- Oh, for fucks sake.

1180
01:38:20,847 --> 01:38:23,885
Well, how was I supposed to know?
- No, not you. The contractions.

1181
01:38:23,887 --> 01:38:25,803
No, we'll take your car.

1182
01:38:25,903 --> 01:38:28,303
- We can't. The car keys are in
my bag with everything else.

1183
01:38:30,261 --> 01:38:34,385
Five, six, seven, eight...
- Just pant, and breathe, and count.

1184
01:38:34,387 --> 01:38:36,969
Nine, ten.
- It's what your supposed to do, isn't it?

1185
01:38:43,969 --> 01:38:47,009
You should get that.
It might be work.

1186
01:38:49,301 --> 01:38:53,586
No don't!
- Oi! What the fuck?

1187
01:38:54,133 --> 01:38:58,218
That's really sweet,
but we've got to call a cab.

1188
01:38:58,809 --> 01:38:59,809
Oh, shit.

1189
01:39:00,009 --> 01:39:01,677
Right, what do we do?

1190
01:39:04,261 --> 01:39:06,177
I'll think of something.

1191
01:39:10,385 --> 01:39:12,425
Watch out.
- Out of the way.

1192
01:39:13,885 --> 01:39:17,053
We go to the hospital.
We're going to make a baby.

1193
01:39:20,177 --> 01:39:21,882
Let's go.

1194
01:39:21,884 --> 01:39:26,890
God, this is...
This is really happening.

1195
01:39:27,845 --> 01:39:31,425
I'm going to be a mother.
Maybe I'm too old for all this.

1196
01:39:31,553 --> 01:39:33,925
Wait, wait. Why're you stopping?

1197
01:39:34,425 --> 01:39:37,345
A margarita with onion and pineapple.
Number 17, thank you.

1198
01:39:37,347 --> 01:39:38,956
What?

1199
01:39:48,761 --> 01:39:52,916
Who is ordering onion with pineapple, huh?
Some people they're crazy, no?

1200
01:39:54,969 --> 01:40:00,129
Yes. Okay. Here we go.

1201
01:40:02,761 --> 01:40:05,177
Do not worry, Ms. Bridget.
We get you there.

1202
01:40:05,301 --> 01:40:08,133
There is no traffic this time of night.
It's okay, eh?

1203
01:40:08,261 --> 01:40:10,425
Vagina. Power to the vagina.

1204
01:40:10,553 --> 01:40:15,956
My God. Unbelieveable.
Is a bloody women's rights march.

1205
01:40:16,385 --> 01:40:20,638
Oh gees, not now.
- Christ, it's those women I defended.

1206
01:40:21,301 --> 01:40:23,352
It's those infernal Russians.
Just hold my hand.

1207
01:40:23,354 --> 01:40:26,208
We really need to get there.
We need to get there.

1208
01:40:27,483 --> 01:40:31,228
Right, we're getting out. Ready?
- No, I don't think it's a good idea.

1209
01:40:31,230 --> 01:40:32,761
No, Bridget... Bridget.

1210
01:40:33,553 --> 01:40:37,917
Call Jack.
- I'll come behind with the bags, Mr. Mark.

1211
01:40:38,217 --> 01:40:39,469
And I call Mr. Jack.

1212
01:40:39,471 --> 01:40:43,071
It's all right, Bridget. We'll find a way.
- I don't think I can walk.

1213
01:40:43,969 --> 01:40:46,009
It's alright.
I'll carry you.

1214
01:41:10,133 --> 01:41:13,597
Good God, Bridget. You're immense.
- I can't help it.

1215
01:41:14,801 --> 01:41:18,559
I think my lungs collapsed,
but this is not about me.

1216
01:41:18,561 --> 01:41:20,345
The contractions are starting again.

1217
01:41:20,347 --> 01:41:23,425
I'm going to have the baby in the street.
- I tell you what,

1218
01:41:23,427 --> 01:41:27,976
we'll rest for ten, and we'll walk for ten.
- Okay.

1219
01:41:44,177 --> 01:41:48,196
It's not much further.
- No.

1220
01:41:48,198 --> 01:41:52,570
I think it's about a mile and a half.
- Don't think...

1221
01:41:52,885 --> 01:41:55,301
Are you okay?

1222
01:41:56,469 --> 01:41:59,836
It's probably best if I
don't talk too much. - Yes.

1223
01:42:03,885 --> 01:42:08,889
Okay, I'm here. Okay.
I can take it from here.

1224
01:42:08,925 --> 01:42:13,780
I'm here. Okay. I got this.
- Thank you.

1225
01:42:16,677 --> 01:42:19,931
Jesus.

1226
01:42:21,425 --> 01:42:24,593
This is a two man job.
- I'm here.

1227
01:42:24,595 --> 01:42:26,677
Take her. Take her.
- I got her.

1228
01:42:26,679 --> 01:42:28,717
Jesus. Don't drop her.

1229
01:42:35,717 --> 01:42:37,677
Just inside.
- This way?

1230
01:42:37,679 --> 01:42:39,633
Yes, there.
- No, this way.

1231
01:42:40,593 --> 01:42:42,425
Okay, squeeze in.

1232
01:42:42,553 --> 01:42:44,261
Are you squeezing?
- Get her.

1233
01:42:44,263 --> 01:42:46,009
Squeeze in.
- I'm squeezing.

1234
01:42:46,133 --> 01:42:47,628
Push.

1235
01:42:49,509 --> 01:42:51,301
Closer.

1236
01:42:51,425 --> 01:42:53,203
No, no, that's fine.

1237
01:42:56,009 --> 01:42:58,553
We're out.
- Nurse.

1238
01:42:58,677 --> 01:43:00,593
Carol, Carol, wheelchair.
Wheelchair

1239
01:43:00,595 --> 01:43:05,825
One two three.
- Yes, over here. Please. Thank you.

1240
01:43:08,261 --> 01:43:09,870
You okay?

1241
01:43:11,345 --> 01:43:13,261
Which of you is the father?
- I am.

1242
01:43:13,385 --> 01:43:15,200
Right.

1243
01:43:20,177 --> 01:43:21,593
Breathe out the pain.

1244
01:43:23,177 --> 01:43:24,548
Oh, good.
- Hey.

1245
01:43:24,550 --> 01:43:27,713
I was wondering how many fathers we'd get.
A full house. Bingo.

1246
01:43:28,469 --> 01:43:30,553
Bridget, how do you want do this?
An epidural?

1247
01:43:30,555 --> 01:43:35,006
No, you can do this. A positive mental
attitude is stronger than any drug.

1248
01:43:35,008 --> 01:43:38,746
Okay? Just think away the pain. - Oh
bollocks to that. No, I want everything.

1249
01:43:38,885 --> 01:43:42,384
Gas, air, injections, morphine.

1250
01:43:42,386 --> 01:43:45,950
Bridget, remember your yoga.
- Fuck yoga.

1251
01:43:46,053 --> 01:43:47,677
Oh, I couldn't agree with you more.

1252
01:43:47,679 --> 01:43:49,061
It's supposed to relax one...

1253
01:43:49,063 --> 01:43:52,864
but I just spend the entire time clenching
my sphincter in an effort not to fart.

1254
01:43:53,385 --> 01:43:56,570
Can we turn you over?
I just need to check your cervix.

1255
01:43:59,177 --> 01:44:02,717
You're doing very well.
Turning around. Turn to me.

1256
01:44:03,301 --> 01:44:04,717
Just a little rummage.

1257
01:44:05,469 --> 01:44:08,261
Okay, ready? Rummaging... now.

1258
01:44:11,469 --> 01:44:14,466
Yes. Oh, good, good..
You at eight centimeters already.

1259
01:44:14,468 --> 01:44:16,862
That's excellent.
That means you can't have any drugs at all.

1260
01:44:16,864 --> 01:44:19,108
What?
- You're too far gone.

1261
01:44:19,425 --> 01:44:21,959
Well done. Ooh, another contraction.

1262
01:44:23,133 --> 01:44:27,717
I'm not sure how much there is to gain from
you two being at the coal face if I'm honest.

1263
01:44:27,845 --> 01:44:31,149
My ex-husband said it was like watching
his favourite pub burn down.

1264
01:44:31,177 --> 01:44:32,841
So. Your choice.

1265
01:44:34,761 --> 01:44:38,517
Maybe dad should go and
fetch mum a cool flannel.

1266
01:44:42,053 --> 01:44:43,301
I know. I know.

1267
01:44:44,677 --> 01:44:50,944
It's okay. You can do this.
Just, think away the pain.

1268
01:44:51,593 --> 01:44:53,717
Mother fucker.

1269
01:44:53,845 --> 01:44:57,807
Just think away the pain.
- Get out, both of you.

1270
01:44:59,301 --> 01:45:00,801
Where are you going?

1271
01:45:03,801 --> 01:45:07,009
I've changed my mind.

1272
01:45:07,133 --> 01:45:10,133
I've changed my mind.

1273
01:46:05,553 --> 01:46:07,367
You can do this.

1274
01:46:09,385 --> 01:46:11,093
You can. We can do it together.

1275
01:46:11,217 --> 01:46:14,009
Just think what lifes
thrown at you already.

1276
01:46:17,761 --> 01:46:20,133
You've turned disasters into triumphs...

1277
01:46:20,135 --> 01:46:25,060
with your sheer, joyful, indefatigable,
infectious lust for life.

1278
01:46:25,062 --> 01:46:28,040
You've managed this entire pregnancy
almost entirely on your own...

1279
01:46:28,042 --> 01:46:33,738
despite a lunatic mother, repressed men and
cheating boyfriends who don't deserve you.

1280
01:46:36,885 --> 01:46:38,928
Just a last few moments.

1281
01:46:39,133 --> 01:46:42,831
Just a last few moments, my love,
and then you'll see your beautiful baby.

1282
01:46:43,677 --> 01:46:48,679
What if it's not yours?
- I'll love him anyway, just as I love you.

1283
01:46:49,217 --> 01:46:53,548
The way you were, the way you are,
the way you always will be.

1284
01:47:01,345 --> 01:47:04,406
I think you better go and have
that seen to. - Thank you.

1285
01:47:04,845 --> 01:47:06,717
I'll handle it from here.

1286
01:47:10,677 --> 01:47:12,761
Think the pain away.

1287
01:47:12,763 --> 01:47:15,794
You're pushing an entire human
being out of your vagina.

1288
01:47:15,894 --> 01:47:18,694
I'd like to see them thinking it away.

1289
01:47:19,633 --> 01:47:23,925
And, with 367 of the votes...

1290
01:47:24,053 --> 01:47:28,729
the winner is Pamela Margaret Jones.
- Pamela, honey, it's Bridget.

1291
01:47:28,731 --> 01:47:31,117
Not now, Colin.
- It's about the baby.

1292
01:47:31,119 --> 01:47:34,985
I hereby declare that
Pamela Margaret Jones...

1293
01:47:34,987 --> 01:47:38,029
I'm so sorry.
You'll have to excuse me.

1294
01:47:38,093 --> 01:47:40,301
We are about to become a grandmother.

1295
01:47:42,509 --> 01:47:47,118
Well, that's it for the special late
night edition of "Hard News".

1296
01:47:48,133 --> 01:47:51,038
25 seconds to off air. 25.
- Standby.

1297
01:47:51,040 --> 01:47:52,183
Bridget's in labor.

1298
01:47:52,583 --> 01:47:54,383
Bridget's in labor!!

1299
01:47:54,385 --> 01:47:57,824
Except to say Bridget Jones is in labour!

1300
01:48:03,509 --> 01:48:05,217
Yes.
- Run the credits.

1301
01:48:05,219 --> 01:48:07,217
Credits.
- Run the credits.

1302
01:48:07,345 --> 01:48:10,671
I hope I'm bloody godmother.
- Cue the fucking weather.

1303
01:48:11,717 --> 01:48:13,217
Listen I...

1304
01:48:16,845 --> 01:48:19,054
I owe you an apology.

1305
01:48:20,261 --> 01:48:23,268
I know I haven't behaved
very well in all of this.

1306
01:48:25,301 --> 01:48:26,914
No, it's okay.

1307
01:48:51,846 --> 01:48:53,138
Hello.

1308
01:49:16,638 --> 01:49:19,470
Say hello to our beautiful boy.

1309
01:49:21,970 --> 01:49:24,178
Go ahead.
- Thank you.

1310
01:49:39,386 --> 01:49:41,138
Let's see who you are.

1311
01:49:41,140 --> 01:49:43,262
Isn't he perfect?
- Yes.

1312
01:50:04,930 --> 01:50:06,178
Hello.

1313
01:50:10,306 --> 01:50:12,094
I'm so sorry I'm late, Bridge.

1314
01:50:12,096 --> 01:50:14,306
Some lesbians are having
a stupid all night march.

1315
01:50:14,308 --> 01:50:16,511
Actually, they're marching
in aid of free speech.

1316
01:50:16,513 --> 01:50:19,031
It's rather important.
- My God, look at him.

1317
01:50:19,033 --> 01:50:20,262
Bridge.

1318
01:50:21,222 --> 01:50:24,722
I'm so sorry that we weren't here.
There's an unbelievably long march.

1319
01:50:24,724 --> 01:50:26,970
Actually, the march is critical...
- Can I be godfather?

1320
01:50:27,094 --> 01:50:29,514
Oh, I'm depending on you.

1321
01:50:30,014 --> 01:50:31,930
Oh, congratulations.
- Well done.

1322
01:50:31,932 --> 01:50:33,568
Thank you very much.
- Well done.

1323
01:50:33,570 --> 01:50:35,222
Well done, both of you.
- To all of you.

1324
01:50:35,346 --> 01:50:36,886
Where is she?

1325
01:50:36,888 --> 01:50:39,970
I'm so sorry we didn't get here on time.
Daddy's parking the car.

1326
01:50:39,972 --> 01:50:44,027
There's some march for women's rights. I
mean, honestly, do we need any more rights?

1327
01:50:45,222 --> 01:50:46,886
Mom, meet your new grandson.

1328
01:50:49,514 --> 01:50:52,346
The darling. He looks just like...

1329
01:50:55,970 --> 01:51:00,484
Not that it matters, but...
do we know who the daddy is yet?

1330
01:51:03,138 --> 01:51:04,514
Shall we find out?

1331
01:51:06,722 --> 01:51:08,722
Come on, you two.
Time for a little test.

1332
01:51:09,722 --> 01:51:12,806
It's so exciting, isn't it? It's like
the final of the X Factor or something.

1333
01:51:12,808 --> 01:51:17,183
Dial 01 if you want it to be Mark and
02 if you want it to be Jack.

1334
01:51:31,846 --> 01:51:34,138
Well, good luck.
- You too.

1335
01:51:40,806 --> 01:51:42,386
Please.
- Thank you.

1336
01:53:03,222 --> 01:53:05,999
You look beautiful.
- Thank you.

1337
01:53:06,594 --> 01:53:09,336
Hello darling. Hello.

1338
01:53:09,886 --> 01:53:11,552
Hello.

1339
01:53:21,346 --> 01:53:24,340
Hello.
- Hi.

1340
01:53:27,806 --> 01:53:31,898
We're really doing this.
- No going back now.

1341
01:53:32,470 --> 01:53:37,474
We are gathered here to celebrate the
union of Bridget Rose Jones...

1342
01:53:37,970 --> 01:53:41,054
and Mark Fitzwilliam Darcy.

1343
01:53:42,806 --> 01:53:47,237
Aand by the powers vested in me,
I now pronounce you...

1344
01:53:47,762 --> 01:53:51,491
finally, husband and wife.

1345
01:54:34,470 --> 01:54:37,274
Jack, what on earth are
you doing with my son?

1346
01:54:37,374 --> 01:54:40,174
Well, don't leave me
alone with him again.

1347
01:54:40,176 --> 01:54:43,509
I have no idea what I'm doing.
- Is he traumatized?

1348
01:54:50,886 --> 01:54:55,945
Hallo, William Jones-Darcy.
Are you ready?

1349
01:54:58,346 --> 01:55:01,222
Some champagne for you?
- Yes please.

1350
01:55:02,554 --> 01:55:07,253
Dear Diary. And so, I, Bridget Jones...

1351
01:55:07,386 --> 01:55:11,899
am a singleton no more. Married? Yes.

1352
01:55:12,178 --> 01:55:15,962
Smug? Well, it's about time, so...

1353
01:55:16,306 --> 01:55:18,222
maybe just a little.