“Heh, yeah,” Rayas paused. “Hey… can I ask you something?”

“Sure, what’s up?”

“Um. Remember when we were playing Never Have I Ever earlier? And Reese said ‘never have I ever had surgery’?”

“Oh. Yeah. Sorry if me showing off my scars made you uncomfortable,” he said.

“No, no, not at all. I was gonna say… they actually made me feel… a little jealous?” Rayas blushed.

“Jealous?” he asked.

“Y-yeah. I don’t know. I think I’m cis. Probably. But I can’t help but wonder, like, what if I wasn’t? You know? Moving in with Addie has been great, I love her so much, but ever since I’ve moved in I’ve noticed more how stuff like ‘miss’ and ‘ma’am’ and ‘lady’ bother me. And they kinda always have but lately it’s been worse than usual. Also when I’ve been staring in the mirror lately, I don’t really like what I see. Something just feels wrong. But… I didn’t have that when I was trying on this suit I’m wearing. That I bought in the men’s section. And seeing you shirtless tonight, which sounds really weird out of context, but anyway, seeing you shirtless made me think that maybe that’s why I’ve been feeling weird? Maybe… maybe top surgery is something I want? Maybe I wanna be like the guy I saw on the poster in the store that made me wanna buy this suit… or like you...? ...Shit, this isn’t sounding very cis of me, is it? Fuck.”

Vaughn sat there in silence, unsure of what to say.

“Sorry, I’ve just been meaning to talk about this for a while. I'm kind of trying to rationalize it as I'm saying it. Also I’m still kinda drunk right now,” Rayas said.

“No, no, don’t be sorry. It’s okay, I’ve just… never really been on the other side of giving advice before. I’ve usually been the one asking for it. So… would you say you’re questioning right now then?” he asked.

“I. I guess?” Rayas awkwardly said.

“Hm. Okay. Well, when I was first fig-”

“Wait. Addie’s coming,” Rayas interrupted as Addie walked out of the door. “I don’t want her to know any of this yet. Is that bad?”

“Nah, I get it. I won’t say anything, just, know that it’s okay to be unsure and you don’t have to rush into anything. And you can call me or Cedar anytime you want to talk more about it. Okay?”

“Thanks Vaughn,” Rayas said.