mas mas aziz

welcome to shrink for the shy guy this
is the show for you if you are sick and
tired of being held back by fear
self-doubt social anxiety shyness
anything that's stopping you from you
being you I'm going to share the most
powerful tools and resources that I've
been discovering over the last 15 years
on my journey to eradicate social
anxiety and instill confidence first in
myself and then in every single person
that I meet on my journey you're gonna
learn these tools and how to apply them
in your life now so you can become the
most free powerful bold authentic
version of you
[Music]
hey welcome today's episode of the show
I'm excited to be with you today because
we're gonna be talking about something
that I think is very important which is
your confidence in your body your body
image how you think that you look and
how you feel about the way that you look
and this is a huge confidence problem
for most people most of us have learned
from a very young age that the way that
we look is unacceptable in some form or
another and usually that doesn't kick in
when we're little kids little kids
usually don't aren't aware of it and as
we get older more become more inundated
in in the culture and start to see if we
fit in usually around middle school
that's when people will start to get a
pretty clear idea of I look good or I
don't which is very closely linked if
not equivalent to I am worthy or I'm not
I'm popular or I'm a loser
I'm lovable or I'm unlovable I'm worthy
of dating or I'm not worthy of dating I
belong and eat friends or I I don't
deserve that it's all wrapped up in a
lot of ways in our body image and of
course that continues you know bombarded
with messages all day every day so we
got the overt you know people might make
fun of you or you might see me see
criticisms of people and their
appearance or the the covert the more
subtle just every image you see is
someone who's like unusually fit and
looks has these perfect dimensions and
so it doesn't take too long for us to
start to feel bad about ourselves and
yet what a huge drain on your confidence
because you know what do you look at
yourself in the mirror many times a day
perhaps even if you're not intentionally
trying to do it mirrors are everywhere
you look down there's your stomach you
do you see your face and reflections
like pictures photos everything right so
we have this continual potential source
of low self-esteem a reduction our
confidence you can be feeling great and
all of a sudden you see a photo of
yourself and you're like
I hate myself right and all of a sudden
you lose all those great feelings so we
want to protect you from that we want to
help you start to feel good about who
you are not just on the you know your
behavior and your personality but also
the way that you look because it's very
important to get to a place of peace
acceptance self-love in order to to have
a rock-solid confidence that doesn't
fluctuate like crazy throughout the day
so even if that's not your main goal
like maybe your main goal is social
confidence or dating confidence I'm
gonna bet that how you feel about your
body is gonna influence those areas so
let's resolve this and then help you get
out there doing the stuff that you want
to do in the world so you're not worried
about how you look and your appearance
in your body and all that so five ways
to improve your body image confidence
the first one is go deeper go deeper
it's not your body in itself it's it's a
how you react to your body and your face
or anything else is a reflection of your
relationship with yourself do you like
yourself are you habitually negative and
critical of yourself does that go beyond
your body maybe are you just negative
about you know your how you move how you
stand the clothes you wear how you come
across if you're confident enough if you
if you're articulate enough if you're
intelligent sounding enough if you're
smooth enough whatever they're you know
specific thing you're measuring yourself
on are you regularly measuring yourself
and then finding yourself falling short
and being upset with yourself so it goes
beyond the body it's that's just one
area that you do it in and so if you're
doing it all over the place
then you're probably gonna do it with
your body as well and we want to look
deeper at your relationship with you why
are you so hard on yourself why do you
criticize yourself so much
you know this is one of those things
that we can be doing for years and and
we're not fully even aware of it it's
like the whirr of a computer fan in the
background but it's just always there or
you kind of get used to it you know the
hum of the air conditioner in your house
just get used to it but this hum this
were is poisonous self-loathing dripping
in bit by bit all day long and we want
to pause for a second and look at that
and say whoa whoa that's not how helpful
it's not healthy why am i doing that
what so even just let's look at the body
because that's what we're focused on in
any aspect of your physical appearance
when you criticize yourself and first of
all what is it you know there's usually
some specific points we can criticize
aspects of our face I used to criticize
the area around my eyes a lot it's so
funny how we latch on to certain things
so the area around my eyes can be darker
and so I was like oh that's not
attractive
right that's raccoon eyes and so I would
fixate on that but I don't really care
that much about what are called crow's
feet you know wrinkles on the side of
your eye I don't really care about those
I probably I'm sure I have more of that
now then you know 15 years ago and I'll
have even more 15 years from now and
maybe it's you know men are typically
less concerned about wrinkles than women
that's a generalization that and I'm
stuck can be true for everyone but so
certain things were more susceptible to
right another thing that I noticed
myself in the past criticizing myself
for was hair loss and I still have a
head of hair but it's thinner and if you
look at it from the top down it's you
know it's it's a it's a slow retreat for
the hair and then of course my body size
that was an area that I criticized
myself all the time for when I was
younger especially I need to be I need
to be bigger leaner and stronger really
a title of a book by the way but bigger
leaner and stronger that's what I need
and so whenever I look in a mirror I
would I would just go to the points that
I thought were unattractive which was
the area on
is in my stomach me like hey the area of
my eyes is still bad and my stomach is
not like lean enough that's just what I
would look at and maybe occasional other
parts of my body my posture is not good
enough I'm not more muscular in my arms
whatever and it could be different for
you depending on your conditioning and
your gender and whatever but okay so
maybe you relate to that you're doing
that too why what is it gonna do you
really want to examine this and we're
gonna get a little more in the fifth way
about what to do here but I just want
you to start thinking about it go deeper
than just like oh you know we get
fixated oh yeah my stomach is not right
okay I'm gonna go work out a new sit-ups
and and then we get all wrapped up in
the content of that as opposed to
slowing down and being like wow you know
what would it be like to be with a
partner who every time they saw you
naked or shirtless was like mmm yeah you
should tighten up their uh you know your
arms are not quite lean enough and you
know one eye is slightly you know you're
not totally symmetrical in your face
yeah it doesn't look very good it's kind
of gross like holy cow would you want to
be with that person right and you're
doing that to yourself though so we got
to slow down a look at this and label it
as the insanity that it is okay that's
the first thing go deeper
the next thing remember I was asking you
why you do it one of the common ideas
it's gonna motivate me it's gonna
motivate me I'm gonna oh look I'm a
gross fat ugly piece of shit okay now
I'm inspired right and so number two is
use better fuel this is a second way to
improve your body image confidence use
better fuel so don't use I hate myself
and I'm gross as your primary source of
fuel it doesn't work very well it's bad
fuel it Gunks up your engine makes you
feel terrible inside maybe it gets you
into the gym or to go workout or
something maybe and that's questionable
if that's even the real source of why
you're in there and even if it does it
doesn't last very long or even if you
make progress it is never enough right
so it's a it's a dangerous unhelpful
fuel and we want to use a better fuel
attacking yourself will never make you
look better and the some of the things
that you're tagging yourself for it's
not like oh yeah I get in the gym and
get in shape and it's gone it's like
that's not changing
you know without some sort of radical
plastic surgery or other interventions
and those are largely built upon
insecurities right people don't want to
do the inner work so they're like I'll
just solve the physical appearance and
then I'll you know then I'll feel great
about myself which they don't typically
so use better fuel what's a better fuel
well you know surprisingly enough it's
actually loving and appreciating
yourself what I know that was totally
out of left field you probably weren't
expecting me to say that right what does
all this self-love stuff no nuts to that
I got to become the best the biggest the
strongest the richest the fastest and
then then I'll feel confident and I'll
love myself and I'll be all popular and
everyone will everyone will prove of me
nights at the game you're playing I can
fall into that one too but it's not it
doesn't work so we it's an inside job we
got a shift inside so we got to change
our fuel and I promise you that fuel
works so much better is positive
encouragement praise reinforcement
determination you know for the gym I was
finding that my motivation was flagging
and I was like I was going to it but I
was kind of going through the motions
and then I sat down and said okay what's
what's my deep motivation and you know
typical motivations are what six-pack
abs yeah and I I tried to have that
juice me but it just didn't I was like
yeah I do want to you know get leaner
stronger that sort of thing but that's
not enough juice I need a better fuel
and so one fuel that I found was one of
my core wise was I want to get stronger
and leaner and fitter than I ever have
because it's proving something to myself
and if you listen to my podcast from
this year earlier in the year I've
talked a lot about my journey with Kron
Payne and for 15 years I thought I was
broken thought if I push myself my body
would crumble and get injured and is
weak and I can't sustain a solid workout
I thought all that was true and so to be
in a place now or I can push my limits
and step into fear because every time
I'm reaching the edge of my physical
abilities which is where you get
stronger something in my brain kicks
into like defensive protective mode I
can't handle this I'm gonna get hurt and
so I see it as a beautiful extension of
this confidence work to bring it into
physical confidence how can I face my
fear there too
and then do what I've never done before
prove that I am stronger than I ever
thought and then just push fear back on
yet another front overcome fear and to
me that was instant juice because it
taps into my whole mode of being my hope
one of my core purposes in life so that
got me going
that's better fuel and look if the fuel
is I want to look great maybe why though
and what is great to you but but why is
it because then maybe I'll get more
dates well great but but link that up in
your mind is it because you think that
you maybe you'll feel proud of yourself
for having being able to achieve or
accomplish something you feel proud when
you look at them here great but use the
use the positive side use the carrot I
I'm gonna feel proud of myself and then
start working on feeling proud of
yourself right now that's the really
feeling grateful for your body right now
so when you look in the mirror look at
I'm going to talk a little bit more
about this is kind of leanest in a third
way but look at the places that that you
like and praise yourself for those give
yourself that acknowledgement that
credit right what if your pattern
instead of scanning the places you
didn't like was to focus on the things
that you liked shift your focus on
purpose to that which actually leads us
into the third way to improve your body
image confidence this is a very specific
technique and one of the issues is we
look most two things we see the parts of
our body or our face that we don't like
and we judge the heck out of them and
then we feel bad
or we avoid looking at those places
entirely
we're like terrified of seeing them
because we know that if we see them
we're gonna attack ourselves and feel
bad both of those are not healthy right
they're both forms of avoidance and we
want to relax and do expose your work on
the parts of ourselves that we don't
like we have to make friends with the
parts of our body that we don't like
because even if you're working on
changing it look change is slow the
problem is people try to use self-hatred
as a fuel they're overweight for example
like I hate I hate my stomach okay fine
and because of that they have to get rid
of it now and then they become
susceptible to by all kinds of weird
crappy ineffective fad things diets
pills exercise equipment that don't work
and they don't use them or they're
getting into a healthy regiment healthy
routine they're eating well they're
working out they're exercising but they
want the results like in a week and it's
like look I don't know I don't care how
much you're working out or how little
you're eating you're not gonna get
massive results in a week and they're
sure that I can be sustainable if you do
it too rapidly and crazily so I know
we're talking months and like big
changes in your body we're talking a
year or more right like big changes so
let's slow down
let's get okay with ourselves right now
along the way on the journey so what's
the part of your body you don't like and
what if you just looked at that part of
your body right now and if you can hold
it maybe even handhold it or put your
hand over it and just notice what
happens this is like a mindfulness
exercise and I'm gonna kind of deal with
you right now a mini version but I
encourage you to do this on your own
later like literally you just get out of
something and if you tend to always like
scan your stomach or your I don't know
side of your state your obliques your
love handles some aspects of your body
some aspect of your face or hair
whatever it is and you tend to avoid
looking at it or you look at it and
you're like yeah you feel like disgust
then slow down become mindful and just
give yourself to earth
minutes to just breathe look at that
part of your body and notice as you're
mind kicking the fast hyper drive of how
it's gonna fix it how gross it is how it
needs to change how it hasn't changed
how hopeless you are how angry you are
how frustrated you are how it needs
change how fearful you are that people
aren't gonna love you unless it changes
okay there goes the mind spinning bring
your attention back into your breath
into your heart just look at this body
Wow
this body you know if you weren't so
busy judging it you you might notice how
amazing this body is how it moves you
through this world how there are
trillions of operations happening
simultaneously right now in this very
second that you're listening to me cells
and communications cells in you know
inserting and excreting things energetic
communication biological blood
neurotransmitters plasma everything just
um you know billions trillions of
operations all working in some insane
form of unison the level of organization
and and symbiotic interactivity between
not only your own cells but like other
organisms like bacteria living in your
gut mitochondria living in your cells
that are like not even part of your DNA
that are like another creature that's
symbiotically living with humans it's
just it is insane and here we are
obsessing about the shape of our nose
you know it's like it's like you're on
top of a pile of money on top of a
massive pile of ten billion dollars it's
like a mountain right and you're looking
down you're like yeah that
hundred-dollar bill is a little dirty no
no I don't like it
man you got a working body you're rich
you are rich so really making friends
with the parts of your body that you
don't like yeah that exposure
the third way alright let's carry on
number four this is a big one
improve your lifestyle improve your
lifestyle take care of yourself if you
want to feel better about your body
image because a lot of challenges with
our body might come from poor choices
and poor habits of health whether it's
not sleeping sleeping regularly crazy
regular hours drinking alcohol smoking
cigarettes doing other drugs eating
processed food fast food junk food food
that lives in a pantry that doesn't need
to be refrigerated and has weird stuff
in it that you can't pronounce I'll talk
about that with my my son's the last I
can't we have that or something I'll be
like dude's got crazy chemicals in it
what are chemicals well let's talk about
that alright so yeah weird chemicals in
it maybe you shouldn't be eating it and
because all those things as a you know
accumulate to make you feel a little
more lethargic less energy less energy
to take care of your body and move less
sleep makes you feel worse less you know
more likely to eat bad food make poor
food choices
same thing with being hungover not to
mention that you know the harmful
effects of the alcohol or other
substance and so you know you can see
where you're at in life if you want to
go the you know cleanlivin path that
I've been doing the last couple years
here and it's just beginning clean
wrinkly because the more I do it the
better I feel you know and I used to
drink a lot of alcohol smoked cigarettes
smoked pot do occasional psychedelic
trips which I'm still a fan of but you
know and then as time got on I was like
well I mean I feel bad every time a
drink so I pretty much reduced to
drinking a lot and then I stopped
drinking and then I would didn't feel
good after I smoked cigarettes so I
reduced and stopped that and then pot
marijuana was that one was harder cuz I
really enjoyed it but it would feel bad
the next day I'm gonna saying it's that
way for everyone but that was just for
me when I really studied it and so stop
doing that and then I found that I would
be eating rich foods fatty foods that I
were like you know french fried
hamburger french fries soda combo well
why am i doing that
well because I'm feeling bad my heart's
empty or aching let me fill it with this
so the more I I studied it the more I
just systematically reduced and you know
the more I became able to tolerate and
feel feelings the less I need to turn to
those things and as that happened my I
mean my body form changed but I also
just felt better about myself I know the
lifestyle change you might wanna make is
workout more go to the gym go for a run
go for a bike ride and I found I've had
this multiple times where like if I
start to feel like I'm not a satisfied
my body or whatever and then it I'm not
working out that hard or whatever and I
just make a commitment and start working
out harder again I instantly feel better
about my body and nothing's changed it's
like a day later you know I'm gonna get
you radical change in your body I just
feel good about it I'm like yeah cuz
it's a reflection remember of that
relationship with yourself I'm am I
taking care of myself okay number five
core decision this is really what it
comes down to making a court decision to
be on your own side you know to be to
and part of that is to is to love your
body is to love your body as it is right
now and you know there's always going to
be a next level to achieve to attain to
work towards and and and get there and
so how can you love your body right now
and really I do think it comes there's
like the whole how do I do it and how do
I make it happen and I would say well I
think it comes down to a fundamental
decision I think that if we are clear
that this is what we want to do that
this matters most to me this is
important and I can see all the harmful
effects of not doing it and I can see
the benefits of doing it then we get
clear and we make that decision and we
can make that theoretically someday in
the future or we can make it right now
which brings us to your actions then
time for action action action your
action step for today is to make that
decision just want to do right now and
maybe you've already made a decision
like this but maybe you could just
reaffirm that you know there's a there's
a quote that I heard recently from
Louise Hay who wrote you know extremely
well selling book called about loving
your body about the body and mind-body
connection and health you're in a lot of
books about that and then her publishing
house has gone on to become one of the
leaders in the personal growth
development hotstuff world so huge
influence in that world and she had a
quote that was something like you know I
choose to treat myself in my body like a
dear friend I choose to say loving
things to myself in my body I choose to
treat myself well I blanket my cells
every cell in my body with that love
that acceptance and it creates vibrant
health in me and that's the choice that
we want to make because look whatever
your goals are whatever you think it's
gonna get you to to look better at the
end of the day what you want us to feel
good about yourself right to feel loved
to feel worthy to feel valuable to feel
proud and what if you didn't have to
earn that in fact what if giving that to
yourself right now then gave you a
better fuel because when you feel good
about yourself you feel excited about
your body you like the way you look you
want to take care of it you want to go
work out more you feel good about the
way your face looks and your appearance
you want to go there and put yourself
out there in a bigger way and interact
with more people and lo and behold your
energy is better you're more outgoing
you're more interactive and what do you
get back more positive responses so you
can decide right now I'm gonna be on my
own side I'm gonna love and accept
myself I'm gonna blanket every cell of
my body I love
septons approval warmth and just watch
watch what that does for you awesome
thanks for being with me today until we
speak again may have the courage to be
who you are and to know on a deep level
that you're awesome
talk to you soon thanks for listening to
shrink for the shy guy with dr. Aziz if
you know anyone who can benefit from
what you've just heard please let them
know and send them a link to shrink for
the shy guy comm for free blocks ebooks
and training videos related to
overcoming shyness and increasing
confidence go to social confidence enter
calm
[Music]
you


5-Ways-To-Improve-Body-Image-Confidence




,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


welcome to shrink for the shy guy this
is the show for you if you are sick and
tired of being held back by fear
self-doubt social anxiety shyness
anything that's stopping you from you
being you I'm going to share the most
powerful tools and resources that I've
been discovering over the last 15 years
on my journey to eradicate social
anxiety and instill confidence first in
myself and then in every single person
that I meet on my journey you're gonna
learn these tools and how to apply them
in your life now so you can become the
most free powerful bold authentic
version of you welcome today's episode
of the show today we're gonna be talking
about you and your identity in fact over
this episode of the next two in a series
of three episodes we're gonna be talking
about identity shifts changing your
identity transforming your identity
upgrading your identity and I'm gonna be
sharing three stories from my own life
about pivotal moments where everything
transformed for me the moment where
everything transformed because identity
transformed when your identity shifts
everything changes for you and your
world what's possible for you what you
think is gonna happen for you in your
future how optimistic you become as well
as how you behave what you do I mean
identity is such a powerful force in
fact it's such a powerful force that in
my program confidence University there's
a whole module focus on upgrading your
identity long before we get to you know
what to say and how to start
conversations and how to be more
confident and all that stuff so we got
to change your identity so I'm talk a
little bit about identity right now and
I'm gonna get into the the first pivotal
identity shift for me in my life so
identity is how you see yourself it's
most simplest definition how you see
yourself what you think of yourself what
you believe to be true about yourself it
often comes in the form of I am and it's
a collection of multiple IMS
I am tall I am short I am a man or I am
a woman or it could be more complex for
you right if you're transgender or
something like that
I am of this descent I am of this
nationality I am what I'm an American I
am a Mexican I am and it could be you
know as as varied as you wanted to be as
nuanced as you want it to be and also
it's like as all the characteristics all
the things we describe ourselves as I am
intelligent I am stupid I am funny I am
boring I am attractive
I am unattractive or ugly I am desirable
I am undesirable I am lovable and worthy
I am unworthy I am unlovable right and
so these make up our identity how and
makes up how you see yourself and then
when you have that identity it controls
how you behave how you show up so if
your identity is I am short and
unattractive what's that going to do to
your romantic life maybe even your
social life if your identity is I'm not
capable or I'm gonna get overwhelmed or
I'm not good enough at this task how is
that gonna affect how you show up at
work to work on that task your identity
determines your behavior determines what
you do it determines what you don't do
and what you avoid it is a powerful
force inside of you and here's a really
interesting thing we stay consistent
with our identity we you know so if we
think I'm shy I'm a shy person then we
show up to a situation and lo and behold
we carry out the same pattern we react
shyly and not only do we conform to
identity we do our best to make sure
that reality does as well that that
everyone outside of us kind of falls in
line so if we let's our identity is I'm
unattractive and the people that I'm
attracted to you are gonna reject me we
probably would never approach them but
even if we do we do so in a way that is
subtly trying to bring about them
rejecting us whether we do it really
awkwardly or really timidly or in some
off-putting way subtly and we're usually
not aware of it
I was really trying to connect but we do
something that just pushes them away and
they're like I don't want to talk to you
and like you see you see I knew it
because our identity gives us a sense of
certainty at least we know how to
predict the world how it's gonna go even
if it's shitty certainty like it's not
gonna go well we still have that
certainty and gives us a sense of
control in life and without that sense
of control man we can feel overwhelmed
we can feel anxious we can feel
extremely vulnerable in life so we we
get that control any way we can even if
it's negative and what I want to share
with you today is a story of how it
flipped from negative to positive for me
in one key area of my life and these
stories then when I share of these next
three weeks are chronological in the
sense that they you know this first one
is from my maybe 20 22 21 years old and
the next one will be my later my 20s and
the next one is just from this last year
so the first identity shift is I am
attractive I am attractive is that part
of your identity you know how you know
now you find out you just saw what a lot
of identity is unconscious you know
we're not walking around saying to
ourselves
I am desirable and worthy or I am
undesirable it manifests and how you
behave and how you talk to yourself in
your head so one way to kind of make
your identity more conscious is just to
say one of those identity statements I
am attractive so just say it out loud
right now or in your mind I am
attractive and then notice what happens
what it will happen is you will either
have a an internal yes or an internal no
it's like a feeling it's a sense like
yeah that's true no that's not true
or somewhere in between I was like wow
that's kind of true it depends on how
you define attractive are you talking
about physical characteristics and ifs
are we talking about just face or face
and body or you know then maybe some
calculations are going on but in general
does that is that true for you I am
attractive and attractive doesn't just
mean appearance I mean you know you can
define it however you want right but I
don't define attractiveness just by
appearance I mean attractive and it's
most core essence is the you know you
attract things
to you you attract people to you and
that that's not just how you look that
is your energy that's your enthusiasm
that's your ability to listen and pay
attention and connect with others that
is your heart and it's not just
romantically attraction is everything
right you know you attract friends you
attract business opportunities you
attract promotions people want to hire
you want to promote you want to work
with you
so are you attractive interesting to see
what your identity is there for me for
many many many years probably since the
age of about 11 my identity was I am
unattractive before 11 I don't think I
had a negative identity about my
appearance I think I liked the way I
looked when I was 11 got to middle
school and I became unattractive that's
where I adopted that identity and I
adopted it because I looked so I went to
a small private middle school
Episcopalian middles middle school and
the it was a small my class was maybe
like 50 kids or something in my
particular grade so very small and out
of the 50th us there was 48 of them were
white there was one african-american kid
and then me and I I got there I was a
little know how I was I was I was I
think I was less shy around guys at that
age my shyness my social anxiety hadn't
really kicked in yet and and I didn't I
don't know I guess I was just starting
to acknowledge or notice women like
before then I was just a little kid and
like you have friends that are guys and
girls and there's no romantic interest
for me and a few things came together
one I noticed that I became interested
in girls and I noticed that girls seemed
to connect with or things seemed to
happen with other guys and not with me
part it was maybe I was timid and not
putting myself out there you know that
there I did I was new to the school and
a lot of those other guys had been there
a long time I don't know the reasons but
my mind
concluded that it was because I'm
unattractive that's why that's why you
know women aren't interested in me and I
even though that was true that they
weren't interested in me it was just
that's how I interpreted the situation
right and then based upon that I started
to look for why well it's this about my
face and my eyes look different than
their eyes and my skin and maybe I don't
have the right socks
maybe I'm wearing the wrong kind of
underwear like I just started to look at
what makes me less attractive and it was
a mixture of my physical appearance like
my face my eyes are not attractive and
I'm just generally not attractive I
don't know why but just a general
overall undesirable romantically to
women that was my identity that was my
story and it got lodged in there as they
do and then we make sure that it
sustains and that's exactly what I did
so I'll tell you more about that and
then how I broke free right after this
hey dr. Aziz here in the next 30 seconds
I want to share with you the secret to
break free of your shyness and social
anxiety and here's a tip it's not
getting more information it's not
listening to more of these podcasts or
reading another book or reading another
blog that could be a part of your puzzle
but that leads to information overload
and you don't need information you need
transformation that means applying what
you learn so go to the social confidence
Center calm now check out the products
page and get one of the products
particularly confidence unleashed or the
confidence code or 30 days to dating
mastery one of those programs will guide
you through with transformation they go
way beyond information and into actually
teaching and showing you how to have
that shift so please go to that website
now if you truly want to make a
difference in your life now okay so I
have this negative identity
I am unattractive and if you have that
identity a powerful process for you to
do is to ask yourself where did I learn
that because you learned it somewhere
and it could have been one moment or in
a certain environment like for me it was
the middle school environment but then
the backdrop was also the larger me
yeah and messages I was getting about
you know people that were brown or
people that were my dad was from
Pakistan and there was a lot of mocking
of people from India and her Pakistani
descent you know in media and TV shows
and things that I saw so I just kind of
took it in that oh that's less
attractive and you could think about
that for you where did I learn this who
taught me this and sometimes people
teach you directly like you're teased or
made fun of for something but sometimes
it's indirectly maybe you just watch
your dad or your mom you know do
something you watched your mom weigh
yourself and say I'm a pig or something
like that like you just watch that as a
kid and all of a sudden you're like oh
if you're overweight you're you're
unlovable you're unworthy you're
unattractive so reflect on that for
yourself as you listen anyway I carried
it forward for years so I go into high
school and you know now I'm pretty
strongly shy especially around women and
and I'm definitely not attractive so I
don't put myself out there in the same
way it's there's a lot of timidness if I
do put myself out there a lot of you
know even if I work up the courage a lot
of self-criticism and self-doubt and
tons and tons more comparison to the
other guys who seem to somehow get
girlfriends but I never did and on and
on and that identity continued and
continued and continued and the
fascinating thing about an identity is
it feels so real doesn't it it feels so
true and what I found in people is if
you challenge their identity too
directly and I've made this mistake with
clients because sometimes I just see
through people's identities so easily
you know just having done this work for
so many years I'm just like wow that's
like a paper-mache building to construct
it around you but it's so not true but
if you challenge it to directly people
can react negatively and like freak out
and fight back because that's who I am
man you don't understand this is just
true it feels so solid so real but it's
not and I really started to discover
that it was not so when I made a
commitment to myself to break
something you know this story I'm not
gonna go into the whole story of it I
tell it in my ebook five steps to
unleash your inner confidence which you
can get at the site for this podcast
shrink for the shy guy shrink for the
shy guy calm or at social confidence
Center calm social confidence Center
calm is where you can get that ebook and
I go into full depth but basically was
reaching a low breaking point and then a
deep core committed decision I am going
to do something different
and I'm gonna figure this out I'm gonna
do whatever it takes
and so I started to learn I mean two
teachers online and studied like well
how do you become a confident man how do
you talk to women and and initiate
conversations and I just it always seems
so mysterious and confusing to me and I
was so scared of it and so I learned
some basics and then every person I was
reading from and watching videos from
was saying you you have to go do this
you have to go practice this and I was
just terrified terrified but I was so
desperate and so ready to do whatever it
took I don't want to live another 20 30
40 50 years of loneliness and feeling
inadequate and unattractive so I was
like I'm gonna go do this and in my mind
though my identity was still I'll
unattractive so I was like okay I'm
unattached my unattractiveness and and
want to date me I was my thinking at the
time and so I started you know
approaching women and I had come to work
up to it and just faced a lot of fear
I've got something you want to work on I
have a program called 30 days to dating
mastery 3-0 days to dating master where
I talk all about that and and help guide
you step-by-step through the processes
that I went through some of the exact
activities I did and you know TSW that
shit works because oh bit by bit I
started to have these interactions and I
remember there was some moments where I
would I would approach a woman and I
remember there's this these two young
women and one of them out of camera and
she was taking photos of her friend I
just went up and said what do you guys
taking photos for that's an interesting
camera what's going on and are you
posing you know are you modeling
it's kind of playful teasing a little
bit and that interaction sticks out to
me because it was like they were these
are a women that I didn't know but I
approached on like a street that were
all of a sudden talking to me and like
interested and engaged and it was so
different than what I thought was
possible it's like but wait I'm
unattractive I'm undesirable but it's
interesting when we have a when reality
does not conform it is inconsistent with
our identity something different is
happening there they seem attracted to
me they seem engaged and talking to me
do we change our identity right then and
there and say you know what maybe I'm
not unattractive maybe that was just a
big story that I told myself starting at
age 11 or what do we do instead we say
man that was a fluke I don't know what's
going on there that was just shit and
sometimes we don't even have a valid
reason to discount it we're just like
yeah but what about this mmm just some
sort of nonverbal grunt is enough to
just push it aside the power of staying
consistent with our identity right so I
had some experiences like that but they
didn't like really change my identity
but I started to see that well if I took
action and here's the biggest thing that
I want to communicate with any client
that I work with or anyone in my groups
or at the weekends is always like you
have to test out reality you have to
test the edge and see what actually
happens because your identity your story
about what's gonna happen is just
usually fabricated it's usually not true
and it's just the fact that we believe
this story so that we don't take the
effective action we don't get a
different response and we just stay in
that holding pattern we stay stuck
sometimes for months years decades or
for our entire lives and so we have to
test the edge we have to see what really
happens and be open to being wrong
that's another one that's the reason we
stick with our identities it's like I
got to be right I got to be consistent
it's like no you could be wrong but if
nothing is was as it seems but if it's
entirely possible for you to be free of
that right now in this very moment no
matter how long the history has been
it's crazy and for a lot of us we can't
pretend that and we and it's a slower
process but it doesn't matter it's fast
or slow the key is to open the
possibility that you can have a new
identity and I'll never forget the
moment where the identity like shifted
in a core deep way that will stay with
me for the rest of my life I'm looking
forward to share with you I'm gonna take
a quick break right now when we get back
I'm gonna share that story of that
moment where my identity shifted deeply
about from I am unattractive to I am
attractive I am desirable and if you
want that as your identity
stay tuned listen that story will help
open things up for you stay tuned does
working with dr. disease actually work
can you really break free from social
anxiety and live a life of confidence
success and happiness here is what one
client had to say about his experience
what would I say to somebody considering
coming to see dr. disease for a live
weekend do it I mean don't stop it
it's it's what you need if he if you're
doubting it just do it I would
definitely recommend dr. disease to
anyone who wants to improve their
confidence and social skills
he's I don't think anyone else out there
is offering anything like what he does
it's especially that something that's so
geared towards people who you know who
who kind of lack in the social
confidence area to get started on your
journey towards lifelong confidence with
dr. Aziz simply go to social confidence
centered calm forward-slash coaching
welcome back so a story what is it so
here that here's what happened to shift
an identity I think there's a couple of
things happening and there's probably
other factors too but two core ones is
like you as I was talking about earlier
test the edge you you take new action
and see what really happens so for the
identity shift in the absence of that
you know just kind of sit on your couch
and do some affirmations and and she it
I don't think that's gonna do it I think
it's got to be combined with taking new
action that's like okay if I was
attractive what would I do
well I'd walk upright up there and start
a conversation okay well then I got to
take that action so you start taking
that action but that doesn't immediately
shift the identity I think which shifts
the identity is consistently taking that
action over time and then also getting
responses from the environment that are
showing you hey how you used to see
yourself is not true hey you are capable
you are attractive you are effective you
are smart you are whatever it is
whatever new identity you want to take
on so I was doing that I was in a
process of that and there's this tipping
point moment where there was this
amazing woman that I'd worked with I was
so drawn to her so attracted to her
she'd pretty much rebuffed me when she
first started working at the place I was
working at and then I went off on my own
like personal growth journey for six
months and just really immersed myself
and all this stuff and just totally
transformed the way I related to her I
stopped being so pleasing and just
started being a lot more boldly myself
and we ended up having a date and it was
awesome I mean I was just acting because
I've been practicing over the last
months just being bold and so we'd go to
a place and she's like oh my friends
want to come can they meet up with us
and in the past I would have been like
that sounds so scary I'm so
uncomfortable and maybe I would have
said yes but been she's been so
uncomfortable around her friends and
quiet or just made an excuse and left
but this time I was like sure yeah Brad
have him come meet us and they did and I
like engaged with her friends and
flirted with one of her friends a little
bit and in a playful way and just like
because I'd been practicing that stuff
and and then at one point there was some
music playing on the bar we're at and I
just grabbed her hand and like walked
towards the dance floor with her walking
behind me and I remember listening to
David DeAngelo some guy saying like you
know be willing to lead in some way be
kind of a powerful man who's willing to
lead and so I just did it and I have no
fucking idea what I'm gonna do when I
get to the dancefloor I don't even dance
but I remember hearing another guy
saying women like a guy who can dance
and you don't got to be good at it you
just gotta be willing to get out on the
dance floor
it sounds like okay and I was doing that
I was willing to step into uncertainty
willing to step into the unknown and
that is when your identity shifts but my
identity didn't shift that night it
shifted the next afternoon where we had
a great time we were hanging out and we
had so much fun she's like oh hey let's
um I want to get I get off of work at
such a such time let's let's get some
sushi she want to get some sushi dinner
the next day and I was like sure that
sounds great and so it's the next
afternoon and I'm going to the store
it's like the middle of the afternoon
like a couple hours before I'm gonna
meet up with her or gonna go home take a
shower
chill out and then go go meet with her
and I'm in a Albertsons it's like I just
a supermarket chain and I'm just buying
a few things and as I'd been doing and
practicing over the last month's the
cashier was this young woman I just set
a few back and forth a little bit of a
banter with her and that's a practice
I've been an issue you know been doing
for months was just like not heavy
flirting which is a little bit of banter
a little bit of engaging conversation
anywhere I could do it anywhere I could
practice it so I just can almost did it
like a habit so I was doing that with
her not thinking about much and there
were these two women in line behind me
and I didn't really even pay attention
to them I don't know I think I was just
kinda in my own world that day and I got
out and I was walking towards my car
with my two grocery bags and either hand
and I'm almost to my car across the
parking lot and I hear hey and I just
keep walking cuz I'm like I don't know
what's going on I didn't think it was
about me and then I heard hey and I
could tell his directed towards me so I
turned around and I was like just saw
these two beautiful young women like
walking right towards me and I was just
kind of like oh okay I don't know what's
happening right now and like did I drop
something you know what's going on
because I can't be that they're
attracted to me right that's not who I
am and yet they get they got there and
then I see when I was like hey how's it
going and I'm like good and I'm still a
little bit on my heels like confused
like what's going on all of a sudden all
of a sudden it clicks it's like stupid
obvious it's like Aziz they're coming to
talk to you
they're like attracted to you and I was
just like whoa so then I like clicked in
and I was like clicked into on mode and
I was like
how's it going what do you guys up to
today you know and they chatted a little
bit and what I was like yeah you know
we're gonna go back and watch a movie
this is like a Friday afternoon or
something or Saturday I don't even
remember the day say we're gonna go back
and watch a movie you want to come hang
out with us
and I was like what what I didn't say
that but in my mind it was like
confusion but I was what really and
these were like you know intelligent
funny attractive women I was like ah but
I literally had like not that much time
I mean if I wasn't seeing so when I was
gonna see me that mean up with that
night I probably would've hung out with
them but I was really into this woman I
just had dated and the night before and
I don't know just didn't really want to
go blow that off to hang out with these
two women so I you know I got one of
their numbers and I said oh you know no
thanks I can't do it today but you know
I'm getting me get your number I don't
think I ever followed up with her but in
that moment there was this powerful
shift of like oh oh no I am attractive I
am desirable whoa everything that I told
myself everything I believed was false
it wasn't that I was ugly it wasn't that
I had these dark circles under my eyes
that made me repulsive to all women and
no woman could find me attractive that
was fundamentally false that was not
true that's not how reality was and it's
like every time I've had one of these
identity shifts that's the first one
when I share the next two in the next
two episodes it's like this lemon is
like fucking movie moments it's like a
matrix moment where neo wakes up and is
like whoa everything everyone's trapped
in a robot machine world or some you
know inception some kind of movie where
you wake up out of a dream it's like
what what and then there's this kind of
like period of a couple days or weeks
afterwards I'm still just trying to
comprehend it and like what but in a
good way
like an excited way like holy shit maybe
maybe something is different maybe
something else is possible and maybe I
am attracted I am I am and and really
taking that in and then all of a sudden
being able to operate and behave
accordingly
well Howard J Howard I show up to this
if I knew deep down that I was
attractive right and it shifted
everything had changed when I would see
in a tree woman that I was drawn to
instead of like uh you know straight up
straight up avoidance or like oh god
this I want to when I'm so scared and oh
no it became like ooh who's she
I want to move towards her and then I
would do that because I knew well
there's you know I don't know if she's
available or open but I know I'm
attractive so if she is available and
interested then there's a good chance
you'd want to go out with me
and when you have that man it changes
everything it opens up all doors so
let's take this and apply it for you and
turn it into an action time for action
action action your action step for today
is to uncover more of your identity just
sit and think about that what are your
Iams I am what what are the things that
you believe about yourself and if you
find some stuff in there that is
negative unhelpful does not support you
and being the most bold free powerful
liberated confident version of you
then ask yourself where did I learn that
so basically just reflect on your
identity and if you want to go much
deeper in this as I mentioned there's
confidence University a program I have
you can go to find out more about that
on my site social confidence Center comm
or directly to the confidence University
site which is called the confidence
University comm the confidence
University comm and we do them as I said
there's a whole module on identity
there's a lot of in-depth stuff there
and also there's a chapter in the book
on my book the art of extraordinary
confidence that's about stories and in
theirs as our identity stories I need
some interesting exercises in there so
there's ways to go a lot deeper this and
also simply reflecting on this is going
to help you and maybe opening up to
where or what I want an identity shift
where would I want that for me and
you'll be able to think about that more
in the next two episodes you're gonna be
out to other identity shifts
for for you that I think you're gonna
find really fun and inspiring and I look
forward to sharing those with you in the
not-too-distant future the next few
weeks so until we speak again may have
the courage to be who you are and to
know on a deep level that you're awesome
talk to you soon thanks for listening to
shrink for the shy guy with dr. Aziz if
you know anyone who can benefit from
what you've just heard please let them
know and send them a link to shrink for
the shy guy comm for free blocks ebooks
and training videos related to
overcoming shyness and increasing
confidence go to social confidence enter
calm
you
[Music]

Identity-Shift-1-I-Am-Attractive


.........................................


[Music]
and now it's time to ask the shrink
hey welcome to this bonus episode of ask
the shrink this is a bonus episode if
you would like to get a better sense of
the show this is your first time
listening you might want to start with a
full-length episode where we go much
more in depth these are just ways for me
to answer your questions things that are
coming up as you're listening to this
show as you're taking action as you're
transforming your life stuff happens
right and I'm hear from you I want to
answer your question so if you would
like to ask me questions go to shrink
for the shy guy calm that shrink for the
shy guy calm you couldn't send me a
voice question or also send me an email
or message to a site that I will get a
chance to read and answer possibly in an
upcoming episode you can also get my
ebook there five steps to unleash your
inner confidence which is an extremely
focused simple set of five steps that
you can use right now to start
increasing your confidence and building
the muscle building the skill of
confidence so today's question is from
Ishmael he says hey dr. Aziz it's your
sincere follower and supporter Ishmael
hope you are doing good thank you I've
got your book the art of extraordinary
confidence and it is truly life-changing
awesome the bet I love that book by the
way it's my favorite thing that I've
created today the best part is how to
handle my emotions my question is that
even though I've become more confident
and I know I have good qualities
whenever I go in public or socialize
there is a constant pressure in my head
that I'm not good looking how do i
anchor and enforce good believe these
new good beliefs thanks a lot I'm very
grateful for your apply awesome this is
a great question
so I am glad that you're benefiting from
that book let's see what we can do to
help you let go of this constant
pressure in your head that you're not
good looking
so constant pressure in my head that I'm
not good looking sounds to me like a
critic in your mind
and your voice in your head saying
you're not good looking and it probably
picks at specific characteristics about
you that you know therefore you're not
good looking your your hair your height
your eyes your weight your face your
nose whatever right picks up multiple
things and judges you for them
and it sounds like it's uncomfortable
and it's also distracting you it's also
taking and it's absorbing a lot of your
attention and that's actually by design
right because as you remember in the
book we talked about the safety police
for those of you don't know this the
safety police is the collection of
voices in your head that distracts you
challenges you tells you suck criticizes
you whatever it needs to do scares you
whatever it needs to do to prevent you
from taking action it wants to keep you
safe and specifically what actions Oh
risks so my first question for you
ishmael is what if you if you knew you
were good-looking
or highly desirable because sometimes we
focus on our appearance but what we
really want is to be highly attractive
right highly desirable and part of that
is looks but a much bigger part of that
as our energy but if you knew that you
were totally good-looking so you could
just
you got enough feedback from other
people telling you that you started to
believe that let's just say you knew you
were totally good-looking
what would you do when you're in public
or socializing
specifically how would you show up who
would you talk to
how would you talk to people would it be
different would you talk to people that
you're attracted to would you approach
them would you flirt would you ask them
out
would you do differently
that's what we want to know because this
whole thing about not being I mean I get
it I told myself the same thing for so
many years and I picked it specific
things I did it all the time
but that was all designed because if I'm
not good-looking then women are gonna
reject me guys who are cool and popular
not gonna be my friend so guess what I'm
not gonna approach those women I'm not
gonna talk to guys that are cool and
popular and confident and successful I'm
just gonna hang back I'm gonna hide and
that's what buying
into that voice does
it stops us from taking that action
okay if I didn't believe that story what
would I do so hopefully you've figured
that out got some at least one or two
specific ideas
then the key is to go do those things
even though you're not good-looking or
you tell yourself you're not
good-looking I don't know maybe you are
maybe you're not maybe you're like Igor
from the Frankenstein least uh cartoony
versions of Frankenstein okay yeah
if so you really gotta work on you know
the confidence and the personality but
you know what it's so much if it is
about our energy so
I was able to when I started to take
those risks do the things that you would
do even if you know if you were
good-looking
you get an amazingly different results
different responses mm-hmm and I noticed
that I ate when I started approaching
women and being more bold flirting
taking more risks
I mean scare the shit out of me I
started to do it more and more
all of a sudden women seem more
interested in talking to me and my face
hadn't changed my height hadn't changed
my weight hadn't changed nothing had
changed in my physical body hmm so the
key here is to not get focused in
because the safety police wants you to
get super focused in like no I am good
looking I am good looking I have to
reinforce this belief that I am good
looking and I have to convince myself of
it first for the next six to 12 months
and then I'll go talk to her and then
I'll go approach those people and then
I'll do whatever it is that you would do
it's got to be now the belief change is
not something we do first it is a result
the confidence is a result of the action
that you take it's the outcome it's not
it's not a prerequisite it's not like it
happens first
go out there and take those actions
uncover what it is that you would be
doing and then just start doing it and
if you're not sure you know if you're
scared great there's a whole chapter in
there about fear right five ways to
blast through fear and overcome it
and they're different than what you
might think if you've never at that book
about taking bold massive powerful
action man there's a whole chapter on
that I'm sure you've read that ish man
one's a beast it's like twice as long as
the other chapters because I'm a big fan
of action so you have the tools in that
book but the key is to get into that
action to take that those steps even
before you're ready and get ready you
might have some awkward interactions you
might be scared that's okay cuz I got
some great stories of bubbling my way
through a lot of interactions at first
that's how we get to where we want to be
so you got this man you're awesome
thanks for listening you and everyone
else until we speak again may have the
courage to be who you are and to know on
a deep level that you're also talk to
you soon
[Music]
Up

How_To_Stop_Thinking_Im_Unattractive


,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


coming to you from the Center for social
confidence in Portland Oregon
welcome to shrink for the shy guy
helping men everywhere go from social
anxiety to social domination with your
host dr. Aziz
hey everybody welcome to today's episode
of the show today I am super excited
because we have a phenomenal interview
lined up with a guy who is really study
inside and out how to show up more
confidently more charismatic Lee how to
really be highly authentic and highly
attractive and what I love about what he
teaches is it really resonates with with
what I've seen which is when we're
trying to be how we think we should be
maybe you've studied I don't know some
sort of pickup artist or something
online who's teaching you this is how
you need to be in order to be attractive
there's a piece of it that's exciting
and enticing right I mean that wrote me
in I remember when I was really
struggling with my confidence it was
like oh my god this person has the
secret I can learn something from them
and it's gonna help me get exactly what
I want which is that at that time my
life was dates and relationships but
there's something missing there and if
you've been down that road or you know
what I'm talking about where you want to
be you you want to know that you your
most authentic self is what's most
attractive and there's a beautiful
balance about how to bring more and more
of you out but how to do so in a way
that is highly attractive highly
magnetic for your dating life also for
friendships and also and work in
business I mean the reason people
succeed in business is not because
they're technically skilled that's only
a piece of it it's also the
relationships they can build how
magnetic they are to others to partners
promotional partners investors employers
employees so this is super important for
all areas of your life I'm really
excited without further ado let's dive
into our interview and adjacent module
expert interviews my guest expert today
is Jason Rodgers and Jason Rodgers helps
men express their most confident
authentic selves in their social lives
their dating lives and careers he has a
system that helps men unleash what he
calls their authentic superstar
personality which I'm very curious to
dive more into today so he's a speaker
he's a personal development coach for
men he's created peek under pressure
calm and he's the founder of Peak Inc
which is a personal development brand
that's dedicated to helping men grow in
many ways that we mentioned before he's
also an author for the good men project
which many of you may have heard of
which is a large online publication with
over 5 million visitors per month so
awesome and thank you so much for coming
Jason dr. Zee's thanks for having me
it's an absolute pleasure man I'm
excited for this I'm excited yeah so me
too and one of the first things is you
know we met online you reached out to me
and I checked out some of the stuff
you're doing and there's a lot of things
that I see in what you're doing that I
think make it really powerful and one of
those I think is you're demonstrating
just in who you are and how you show up
and how you talk and everything this
authentic superstar personality and
that's a very enticing interesting way
of phrasing it I wanted to start there
well what is that what is an authentic
superstar personality sure man you know
I'll share quickly with kind of where it
came from and then I'll hit it with a
definition I kind of started entering
this space for guys I wanted to make an
awesome impact and my audience when I
started producing content they loved
these breakdowns that I was doing on
YouTube these video breakdowns where I
was looking at you know a Robert Downey
jr. or a Russell Brand or these
different personalities if you will and
they're they're superstars if you will
to there there's the these personalities
these icons that a lot of people know of
and so I was looking at their social
skills but also kind of the mindsets
that they had to and where they're
coming from now after doing this four
hour an hour and hours and hours and
hours you know probably a couple hundred
hours now I've broken down this content
produced all these videos
what I started noticing were these very
very very clear patterns and at first
when I started doing these breakdowns I
actually wasn't that excited about it I
thought man you know I don't want to
teach guys to put a mask on you know I
don't want to teach guys to try to be
something they're not because that's
really contrary to what I believe is
that core confidence that we really want
to have his people and to live these
amazing lives but what I noticed more
and more is I really dived into these
these characters these people and that's
really what they are is they're people
they're not characters as I saw these
clear patterns and in who they were and
we can talk about those those filters or
those traits as I call them but really
this authentic superstar personality is
I call it is just your most confident
authentic self but also that you're
putting out in the world in the most
attractive way possible so it's it's
really blending this idea that you want
to be here confident self you want to be
authentic and you want to be real but
one thing I used to really ignore
growing up and into my early 20s was
this idea that social skills matter too
in how you show up also matters so you
have to play in the social world if you
want to get to where you're trying to go
so it's really blending this idea of
confidence authenticity but then yes
attractiveness too and your dating life
your social life and in your career
that's really fascinating because it
actually reminds me of something that I
heard who knows win on some love line of
Adam Carolla and dr. drew back he
listened to ton of that when I was in
high school and I'd stay up late to
listen to it so be like 11:30 and I
remember him saying one time in one
episode like he was kind of going off on
someone was like just wanting to be
authentic and he's like look if I was
just a hundred percent authentic I would
wear a dirty t-shirt baggy sweatpants
and take a crap in the middle of the
sidewalk when I felt like it and and
he's making a great point there which is
like there's this balance of yet you
know Who am I really what do I want but
we do exist in a world where we're going
to be interacting with other people and
they're gonna have impressions of us and
we don't want to get totally freaked out
and try to just lose ourselves to
impress others but at the same time we
have to exist in that social world as
you said so I think that's a I think
you're highlighting something really
important there it's that that fine line
and it's tough you know it's a tough
thing to find and I think I'm sure you
see this with everything you do is that
all of these ideas are awesome and you
know that definition of blending this
authenticity in this this confidence but
also this attractiveness you know maybe
it sounds kind of enticing but it's all
just an idea until you really get out
there and interact in the world and
really play around with these ideas for
yourself so that's always something that
I really recommend and I'm sure I know
you do too dr. Zee's with with everyone
that you work with an impact is yeah
learn these awesome ideas or these
social skills or these different
mindsets but get out there and put it
into play I think it's so important I
know for me was a game changer
absolutely and there's a lot of second
email just yesterday was the guy saying
I think whose late 30s and he's like I
have years of theoretical knowledge
built up and I love that theoretical now
years of your medical knowledge know
like I know that is a trap and
especially now with the Internet and
just endless information we can take in
so yeah let's let's break it down I
think the best way to do that would be
let's uncover some of the core secrets
or insights that you've gained from
doing these and now someone stood out to
me by the way is your breakdowns I think
they're very clever they're very helpful
and they I mean they're things that I
did even before I knew I was doing and I
would watch a character in a movie and
be like I want to be more like him and
do it so we can absorb those we can
activate that what's already inside of
us those traits that are already there
bye-bye
my modeling and amplifying so let's talk
about some of the core ones and then we
can talk about not just making it
theoretical but how do we really apply
this and take the risks to do it so
first and foremost let's look at what
are some of the main traits of these
superstars these qualities that you've
noticed across the some of the big ones
we're gonna pause right here take a
quick break and continue with our
interview with confidence expert Jason
Rodgers
are you single do you want to meet
someone but feel completely held back
and stuck when it comes to meeting women
flirting and getting dates after
spending over a decade of his life stuck
in the same struggle dr. Zee's found the
way to freedom and confidence with women
it's what he teaches his private clients
how to do everyday want to get there
yourself go to 30 days to dating mastery
calm to get a free copy of dr. Aziz's
ebook 7 ways to start conversations with
women anytime anywhere and start meeting
women today yeah absolutely
the first 2 are kind of the yin and the
yang if you will I see this with every I
mean fill in the blank with any guy that
that just kind of shows up in the world
that seems to have these awesome
opportunities maybe like a George
Clooney or a Brad Pitt or even just that
guy that you know locally that just gets
on really well with everybody that
everyone kind of seems to like it's this
kind of paradox of being light or this
light heartedness that you see combined
with this boldness and those are kind of
oppositional ideas or traits you don't
want one hand the lightness it's kind of
that that playfulness that nonchalance
it's a little bit carefree and this has
really attractive and really likable in
the world because we live as you know in
a world where there's so much stress
there's so much tension and anxiety and
there's so many deadlines and pressures
of life so when we meet somebody who
shows up with that that a little bubble
of lightness a little puff of air you
know wearing that smirk and it's just
that little bit of a lighter energy
we're all drawn to that I know I for one
I'm hugely drawn to that when I meet
somebody you know it's that you meet
five people in the day and you're kind
of at that that just in your normal
grind of life whatever it is kind of
that that that day-to-day moment and
then you meet somebody who's just a
little bit more light and a little bit
more easygoing and you're instantly like
whoa who's this guy who's this person
it's really really attractive but then
the other side of it then I see a lot it
with with any personality that you
really you really see these people
especially on on talk shows and stuff
like that craig ferguson's an example a
lot of these different gentlemen is this
boldness now there's a lot of ways of
expressing boldness I was actually just
talking about this yesterday was
somebody
working within that I believe my god
Mahatma Gandhi was extremely bold you
know incredibly bold life now was he
Bolden and speaking really loud and in
kind of hammering and in all of this no
but it's just almost this actions speak
louder than words and you see that with
these people we look up to especially
men
you know everything we're really talking
about here and all the work I do is
focused on men I am a sometimes hey
could you do these breakdowns for women
they say I'm just smart enough to do one
thing pretty well I can't I can't focus
on any more than that and expect to
deliver a value but what I have seen
with guys is when you start with this
light carefree emotion that you can kind
of cultivate do some different mindsets
and some different things but then also
bring that boldness to the table and and
how you show up that's a really powerful
start that I think will help anyone
listening really show up more
authentically and more confidently as
well yeah I love it I love it and I
think we should dive into each of those
because they're they're both so
important and some of the things that I
jotted down as you were saying here was
light heartedness almost like they're
above the stress that we feel in the
world or can get sucked into into the
world you said a light smirk they're
easygoing and you didn't say this word
but I think kind of what I associate to
that is maybe humor they're gonna make
jokes they're gonna not take things so
seriously as well absolutely totally and
maybe a quickness to smile is what I'm
imagining is well not in like a scared
to just please you kind of you know
primate grimace you smile like I mean no
harm but an actual life they're quick to
smile there there's a laugh or a smile
is just like right there about to burst
through totally absolutely I couldn't
agree more that smile is infectious I
just I know with some of the guys that
I've helped out sometimes there's this
this uncomfortable smile and that isn't
what you know that's a little different
and I know I've experienced that
massively myself we haven't talked about
my story but it still it feels something
I'm working on right because I grew up
really anxious myself but there is that
difference between that genuine warm
smile that really rises people up versus
almost that uncomfortable smile so
there's there's that but yeah man it's
this I call it self amused it
and self-amused and just kind of going
through the world of of life and that we
all have our own unique personalities we
all have our own sense of humor we've
all seen a movie that cracked us up and
one thing I often invite guys to do is
to think about those those favorite
movies you've seen those favorite funny
movies you've seen in the characters in
those movies and to almost loop that
type of humor throughout your day and
kind of create an inner dialogue where
you're seeing the world through that
lens almost as if that character would
see it now I don't want you to think
maybe like a Ben Stiller where you know
he gets his junk stuck up in the zipper
in the first five minutes of was it I
think it's everything Something About
Mary so I don't want to be the guy who's
just getting pummeled about life it's
not about that but it's just this kind
of finding a way to find a little bit
more humor in the day and you know for
me I'm not I'm not a comedian type in
any way shape or form I'm not the guy
that's gonna come in with with canned
jokes but you don't have to have canned
jokes in my opinion to be a guy who can
elevate the mood and to have that sense
of humor but just thanks self-amused and
kind of cracking jokes for you too to
keep things fun for everybody you your
interact with that is great and it's
something that I naturally do without
thinking about it because I'll get into
something and then probably like a lot
of people you kind of go you watch a lot
of it or listen to a lot of it so for
example one show that I love love love
love is eastbound in town have you seen
that no no no so it's Danny McBride
who's a comedian is a superstar the very
first the first two minutes of the first
episode of the first season they show
him in this meteoric rise to fame as a
pitcher and Major League Baseball you
know he's the he's the backup pitcher he
gets brought in for the final game of
the World Series throws the final
strikeout pitch and becomes a megastar
and then it's like this the next you
know minute and a half clip is just a
super fast-forward of clips in his life
of him like going from team to team
becoming worse and worse offending
people being you know just like it just
kind of already his career is collapsing
and then the show starts with him kind
of washed up back in
hometown as a you know he's applying to
be a high school gym teacher and that's
hilarious
and yet in his mind he's the greatest
pitcher of all time
so he's this kind of like humorous kind
of narcissist character and I absolutely
love him and the show and I find that
after watching a few of these episodes I
will think like his name's Kenny Powers
and I'll think like Kenny Powers all
curse like Kenny Powers hmm I'll have a
little bit of a of a bravado swagger
like Kenny Powers and and I'm smiling as
I do this because I am self amused I am
more likely to make jokes be a little
maybe he's a little more shocking or
off-color and his humor or something so
I might bring a little bit of that in
and you can you can live that carrot you
can bring some of that humor into your
life and it and it works it makes people
laugh it brings more of you out big time
and that one huge shift that you were
talking about right there is is you
started with finding the show which I
want to watch Danny McBride that guy's a
absolute dog as I call it the guy's
funny as heck and I get that she already
sounds hilarious I don't watch much TV
but that one I may have to make an
exception for but what I love what you
just said there doctors these I think is
so appliable for everyone listening is
that you found him funny first and
foremost you know it wasn't like you
were trying to be you know it's not like
you're trying to be what was in Danny
powers or Kenny Powers here you know it
was like you thought it was funny and
then it comes out naturally so there's
this real it's almost reverse
engineering it is kind of how I try to
play it with guys and that don't crack
the joke just to get the laugh in that
like yeah if you're funny guy and you're
good at stand-up that's different you
know what most guys listening to this I
imagine aren't that naturally like the
guy who's just cracking the zinger after
zinger after zinger Kevin Hart style so
when you kind of come from it naturally
to self amuse a little bit more you
notice that you aren't putting any
pressure on people to laugh and that's
such a powerful and kind of attractive
thing in and of itself to be able to
share something that could be funny
without needing somebody to laugh it
takes any pressure that could be there
and completely alleviates it and it's
that light heartedness
now you're enjoying a moment together I
see that so much in my life in with
people I work with and then certainly
with all these video breakdowns I do is
super powerful exactly like you were
talking about we're gonna pause right
here for just one more moment and then
we're gonna resume with Jason Rodgers in
just one second let me ask you a
question when you were about to meet
someone new do you assume they won't be
interested in you do you predict that
the woman you have a crush on won't want
to go out with you this is the default
assumption it makes you feel anxious and
hesitant to connect with people if you
want to transform this and begin to see
the world from a more fearless place
then you might want to check out dr.
Aziz's new e-book and audio training
called the approval assumption in it he
teaches you how to transform your
default assumption to one that gives you
more confidence boldness and freedom
around anyone whether they're
long-standing friends business
acquaintances or complete strangers this
program is being offered as an exclusive
bonus for people who invest in
confidence unleashed to learn more about
how to get your copy today go to
www.imtcva.org Corollas funding Tamir
whatever because like well there's a
sums there's some resonance in my own
humor and that's a you want to find that
also I think this is really big because
a lot of guys wonder how to be more
funny you know I understand being funny
is great and people like you how do you
do it and I think the stand-up route is
a I mean that is a long road that's like
you know I want to be more musical great
why don't you study classical guitar
and play that for the next five years
and then you'll become musical it's like
no you can be musical now there's a song
outside of you now maybe your voice
isn't amazing but you still sing that
shit in the shower so haha we want to
have that with our humor because
stand-up comedy is designed to look
off-the-cuff and casual but it is
extremely yeah performed dialed in
practiced and so on so I think that we
want to just find those the people that
are funny and then use that kind of
humor that's self amusing you say what's
funny to you in the moment it doesn't
have to be a pre-planned thing because
if it is you know there's a high chance
of it being exhaust a note huge point
you made there is one I mean if you
study like a Kevin Hart for example or
you study uh
you know Robin Williams rest in peace
like any of these guys who just crushed
it was data that's their life I mean
they're literally all day long committed
to their craft now for everyone
listening you have a job you have a life
you have other things you're not gonna
be able to work out comedy for fifteen
hours a week right oh that's that's
crazy and so as opposed to aiming for
that root what's so cool and you already
talked about this I want to hit on it to
a huge point I know you see this dr.
Zee's is this this idea of being present
to the moment one of the big traps it's
easy to get into in conversation and
life and all that we do is you're
thinking ahead of what you're gonna say
next you're thinking back about what you
said before and how that played out in
the mind of the person you're talking to
the girl you're talking to or the social
group right and if you watch the can
rustle brand he's the guy that I'm
really fascinated with because this guy
is the sharpest mofo I've ever seen with
wit now he stands for some things and
he's a crazy dude and you know all of
his opinions aside if you watch his his
live interviews this guy is the sharpest
witted dude on the planet now do I think
he's probably smarter than the average
bear yeah I do though I think he's
probably a high IQ dude certainly
probably higher IQ than myself but just
because Russell Brand probably has an IQ
of 140 doesn't mean you can't learn what
he's doing you notice if you watch him
he's right in this moment in most of
what he's saying is just either a huge
over exaggeration a massive under
exaggeration or a totally misdirected
statement that nobody expected him to
take
the interaction with and so he's really
just throwing curveballs you brought up
Danny McBride in the movie you know
pitcher so much of comedy is just
throwing a curveball people expect you
to say acts and you say why instead oh
wow that's kind of funny you know it's
just you improvising in the moment but
there's no script there it's just you
living in the moment enjoying life and
and not needing the laughs but
paradoxically when you don't really need
it so often in in many aspects of life
dating included when you don't need it
good things can certainly happen
hopefully that adds a little bit of
value absolutely and those are super
valuable techniques that's the right
word but people I mean sometimes
breaking humor down can be really
helpful because it's not especially like
the kind of humor that you can use
moment to moment that doesn't involve
any setup or pre-planned in a routines
or anything it's really just those
little things that you said exaggeration
and you can amplify something or
exaggerate it and all of a sudden it
becomes funny because it's so obviously
over the top right or you can say you
know misdirection the curveball the
thing that people weren't expecting and
that only comes out of as you said being
very present in the moment and just
looking for that just being right there
with that person and whole Italy I think
that you know instead of making it like
oh I got to be funnier I have to learn
how to be funnier I mean sure you could
but I really want to encourage everyone
listening like you are now just find
those opportunities you might already do
it with friends with people that you're
comfortable with but then all of a
sudden and this is where I think it is
can lead us into the second piece which
is the boldness we get around someone
that we don't know that well
we're at an official function like a
networking meeting or a mixer or a date
or approaching someone we find
attractive whatever it is and we're
where we feel more attached to an
outcome we feel more nervous then we
tend to be less bold and so the problem
though is the exaggeration the
misdirection the curveball those are all
kind of slightly bold maneuvers because
they're stepping outside of the norm
they're stepping outside of the expected
mmm yeah so let's talk about boldness
what have you seen in Russell Brand or
any of the other people you've broken
down what what is boldness what are they
doing how do they do it
that brings us to the end of our time
today and the end of the episode there
are so much good stuff here that I don't
want to cut out so we're gonna have it
split into another episode the rest of
the interview and we're gonna continue
diving into this idea of your authentic
superstar personality but before we do
anything else there's one thing we got
to do and Jason talked about it in the
interview and I talk about it all the
time get into action axes your action
step for today is to find a character
find an actor a TV personality could be
interviews you've seen with them or
their actual character in a movie or a
TV show find that person and study them
break it down what are they doing how do
they stand how do they move what are the
subtle things that they do do they shift
the topic do they challenge someone are
they light harder than they are they
bold and if so how are they
communicating that get really specific
study their movements model them and
infuse that into your interactions this
week the way you talk to people the way
you greet people whether or not you even
approach people letting that character
move through you there's a reason why
you're drawn to that character there's a
reason why you're picking them now it
may or may not be Kenny Powers
but finally who that is for you bring it
into your life and rock and roll and
we'll continue next week with this
interview we're gonna get more into
being funny a deeper dive into that as
well as boldness boldness and dating and
relationships which is huge as well as
boldness in your business in your career
and how to really create the life that
you want and in all areas so stay tuned
for that until we speak again may have
the courage to be who you are and to
know on a deep level that you're awesome
thanks for listening to shrink for the
shy guy with dr. Aziz if you know anyone
who can benefit from what you've just
heard please let them know and send them
a link to shrink for the shy guy gone
for free blocks ebooks and training
videos related to overcoming shyness and
increasing confidence go to social
confidence enter calm
[Music]

Highly-Authentic-Highly-Attractive-With-Jason-Rogers-Part-1


...............................................................


coming to you from the Center for social
confidence in Portland Oregon
welcome to shrink for the shy guy
helping men everywhere go from social
anxiety to social domination with your
host dr. Aziz
hey everybody welcome today's episode of
the show today is awesome this is part
two of my interview with Jason Rogers
where we're gonna be talking about how
to be highly authentic and highly
attractive and if you didn't get test
the first part of interview I highly
recommend it
because he shares a lot of great stuff
in there about what he's seen in the
most confident and charismatic people on
the planet which are these superstars
that he studied include Russell Brand
George Clooney other people he's broken
down what are they doing how do they
show up not just as a character on TV or
on a movie but in interviews in extended
interviews we get to see how they relate
how they deal with spontaneous questions
how they challenge or don't in different
situations so he's really studied this
as well as a ton of other stuff you'll
see as we dive further into the
interview just how much he's read how
when she's studied so a wealth of
information great conversation and we're
gonna be getting more into boldness
today in the interview and how to bring
more of that into your life what that
actually means and if you'd like to get
all the information about the show as
well as the show notes and information
about Jason go to shrink for the shy guy
com shrink for the shy guy calm also in
just a few days we are starting the
early bird special for tickets for my
live event which is in October of this
year in Portland Oregon called the
ultimate confidence breakthrough I'm
super excited about that event I think I
even mentioned it in my conversation
with Jason because man nothing gets us
into action like being with a group of
other people who are committed who are
also wanting to take action so this is
definitely something you don't want to
check out if dating and mastering your
dating life your relationships is
important to you and not just how to get
a number or how to get laid or some sort
of pickup artist thing this is about how
to unleash a level of masculine powerful
confidence in yourself that you're going
to be able to walk over and start a
conversation not with a script or pickup
line but
being you and there's some great stories
in the interview about how both Jason
and I have learned how to do that and
have a great success with that and I
think it's so refreshing it's like oh
man I can just be me but bold you
confident you the powerful you that
comes out when you're not doubting
yourself and criticizing yourself and
shading on yourself in your own head
that's the you that's the most
attractive and that's what the event is
all about activating and bringing out so
you know you have maximum value you know
you have something to offer you know
it's actually a benefit in someone's
life to have you as a as a boyfriend as
a date and then you're also gonna learn
all of the ways like what's your style
how do you start a conversation how do
you keep it going how do you ask for
numbers how do you flirt how do you
escalate to physical contact kissing sex
as well as overcome the dating
challenges you know you want to date
multiple people how do you have
conversations about sex what if she gets
upset about something
all of that stuff is what we do a deep
dive in the weekend super excited about
it so if you want to know more about the
early bird where it's 50% off it's about
a 10 day period that we're doing that go
to shrink for the shy guy calm and sign
up on my list there there's an e-book
you get when you sign up as well so sign
up on the list there you can also go to
social confidence Center calm and get on
my list there that's how you're gonna
get access to the early bird if you're
already on my list stay tuned we'll be
sending out some emails very soon about
that so without further ado let's get
back into that interview with confidence
expert Jason Rogers
expert interviews those are all kind of
slightly bold maneuvers as they're
stepping outside of the norm
you're stepping outside of the expected
Hey yeah so let's talk about boldness
what have you seen in Russell Brand or
any of the other people you've broken
down what what is boldness what are they
doing how do they do it
yeah absolutely you know I actually
quickly want to talk about something
they don't bring it to Russell Brand I
went to a he's a big guy in the I'm sure
you've probably heard of him his name is
Brendon Burchard I'm not sure how
familiar the audience would be with the
guy Brendon Burchard he's a motivational
guy inspirational guy also a marketing
fellow for us entrepreneurs but one
thing you see with Brendon Burchard when
he has these seminars I went to a live
event and I'm always interested you take
these speakers and we'll talk about
boldness and this actually ties right
into boldness you go to a Brendon
Burchard event and he's in front of you
know a thousand plus people and half of
them have probably never really seen him
before you know he has some clever ways
to get people that I don't think are
that familiar with his work in the door
but anyways that's beside the point but
what you see with Brendon Burchard
is instantly he has this assumed
familiarity with you where he talks to
you as if you've already known each
other and that's such a tough thing to
do when you go talk to the girl you meet
somebody the networking event is to kind
of penetrate their world in your world
and create this experience where you're
just being I use the word bold because
it's how you would talk to your best
friend and so to to bring this into what
you asked dr. Zee's about boldness is
what I see is the boldness is really
just almost this unapologetic being you
now of course you have to put in the
disclaimer look man if you're if you're
working directly under your boss and you
know I can't think of a specific example
off the fly what would be something I
don't know just something really bold
like hey man how did you get laid this
weekend you know something like that
might not work you know it could and
here's the thing it could be the very
thing that actually secures you in the
job it's bold it's a risk and so it's
you know it's we've seen examples of
both where the guy says hey you know how
did it go this weekend did you get lucky
and the boss is like you're my number
one guy right-hand man right or it's
like you are absolutely over the line
you know pack up your stuff you rolling
and that's kind of if you look at these
people we look up to in life is so often
and we do respect the people who take
risk most of the people who really hit
it big in any industry if you read their
biographies I'm a huge fan of
biographies and you see these patterns
is that they took massive risk I like
Arnold Schwarzenegger he was you know a
20 year old guy he was trying to become
mr. strongman and he was actually in the
Austrian military and he snuck out of
the military to go to these bodybuilding
events and he could have I think
literally been kicked out in the country
and there were massive repercussions it
was a bold move you know so a lot of
boldness isn't even what you say but
it's just kind of who you are and it's
it's it's a trained skill that way I
think we all as men are wise to try to
cultivate but bonus I think it's just
kind of a way of living your life a
little bit riskier than the average Joe
and yeah well of course there's risks I
believe it's worth it you know I love
the Emerson quote and then all I'll give
back to you dr. Zee's I can talk and
talk all day but I love the Emerson
quote always do the thing you're afraid
to do I try to reply that in my mind and
just try to do something every day that
I'm a little nervous to do and I find
that's a great way to cultivate a little
bit more of this boldness that we so
often kind of admire in these in these
men that we see that we look up to hmm I
love it we're gonna pause right here for
just one moment take a quick break and
then continue with our interview with
Jason hey it's dr. Zee's here and I'm
sure by now you've heard about my
unstoppable confidence mastermind groups
where we take eight guys who are held
back in some way maybe they're not
having the relationship success that I
want the dating confidence the ability
to speak up and just own it at work or
increase their sales there's some level
of self-doubt that's holding them back
and we help you just obliterate that so
you can move towards what you want in a
truly unstoppable way and the results
have been phenomenal and seeing the
people that go through this group and
here's why it's so powerful because you
step up and you say I'm gonna do this
for six months you also get around other
people and that inspires you like
nobody's business it's not just you and
you in your own head you get support
from each other you get inspired you get
encouraged you get challenged sometimes
and that's what helps you really break
through to the next level then on top of
that not only are we talking regularly
on the phone so you can do it from
anywhere in the country anywhere in the
world we also meet for two and a half
days in-person in Portland and have a
really intensive experience that's like
diving deep into whatever stopping you
and then just shredding it so you can
move forward faster than ever before and
as I said the results have been been a
phenomenal it's been amazing to watch
the guys grow so quickly I've been
shocked at how fast people can grow
especially with those weakened
intensives so if you really want to jump
on board with this I would love to talk
to you more about it go to social
confidence center.com forward slash
mastermind that's social confidence
Center com forward slash mastermind and
I mean that is that's something well you
said a lot in there about you said about
cultivating this skill that's really
powerful
and when I if you look up bold like the
dictionary definition of bold is showing
an ability to take risks so that in
itself you said it you know saying that
making that joke with your boss is a
risk that's exactly right that's what
makes it bolt is a willingness or an
ability to take a risk and so much of
the time when our life is not the way we
want it to be it's probably related to a
lack of willingness to take risks and
our date univer if your dating life is
not where you want it to be you probably
not taking risks to put yourself out
there start conversations ask women out
if you are in a relationship but it's
kind of not that exciting or you're
losing it or your heart it's probably a
lack of risks lack of risk of being
vulnerable direct having a hard
conversation and then same thing in our
work in our career I mean as you said
those people that are icons every single
one of them has a story of a crazy level
of willingness to take risks and that
can be inspiring and for some that can
be overwhelming like oh my god that
sounds so scary I don't even know but
that
why I love what you said there about the
skill of boldness so do you really think
that bold this is a skill and if so how
do we develop it is the Emerson quote
how we develop it what's your
perspective sure and this is merely
perspective but I read something
interesting and I forget if it was the
Navajo Indians it was an Indian tribe up
near Wyoming in the Dakotas and I forget
what the name of it was but for lack of
a better term it was the Indians and a
trained courage courage very similar to
boldness they actually trained the kids
to cultivate boldness to answer your
question short absolutely
I believe you can cultivate boldness
I've certainly seen this in my own life
and it's much of what I do is to get
guys exposure to start doing the thing
they're afraid to do and that builds
that confidence but with the Indian
example they actually took three and
four year old kids before they even
really knew it was up and they already
had them doing these incredibly bold
things I think one example was they
would bring him out on the hunt and have
them get like really kind of close
closer than was probably safe to to the
men hunting animals if it was a boy a
young boy another thing they did is they
and this was up when it was cold in the
winter they made the kids jump into to
freezing water and stay there for a
while which is you know naturally
especially when you're out in the woods
a potentially fatal event you know so
they basically made the young kids
experience risk and take risk and
experience these these heavy situations
real early in life and of course that
helped the tribe thrive later on because
now you have this twenty-year-old young
buck who has a world of experience which
is I think in this world of technology
and everything is something that's
becoming easier and easier to avoid you
know you can use tinder and swipe left
and swipe right and you can you know
send a message and we're losing some of
that I think that you had to have in the
past so I think today is actually a
cooler time than ever before to take
those risks because as I believe is
actually easier to stand out as a guy
now than it was before because you don't
have to take risks to survive and thrive
today yeah where he's passed yeah and I
and I love that and I love that you were
talking about
you mentioned earlier your your own
story and I'm curious about something in
the in the present about how you do that
but maybe before I ask the question
about the present just a short version
what what is your story
you know around this confidence courage
boldness where did you start where what
did you work through just so we get at
context awesome first of all I have more
to grow I am always trying to to level
up in this area of my life I think it's
really important I certainly started
from humble beginnings I was I love this
story I was 15 and my folks wanted to
order some food for take-out and my mom
threw me the phone and said hey place
the order now I try to play it cool you
know I'm 15 years old and you you have a
big huge ego when you're 15 and so I'm
trying to play cool and I get the number
and I dial but in the inside I'm
freaking out and my heart is pounding
out of my chest
I was just socially anxious about
talking to a stranger and so long story
short I pick up the phone lay the
answers and I make a fool of myself I
scream out I want a number 19 and she
was like um hello your name who are you
what are you doing you freak you know
it's kind of what she was self
communicating and I hung up the phone
and I literally said I can't do and I
ran upstairs right so I was really
socially anxious growing up I could go
at length for this story but the short
of it is is I was the prom reject and I
realized wow I my dating life sucks I
went through high school basically with
a nice huge prom rejection where
everyone saw me and laughed at me and
that was quite awkward for me being a
teen and so that was kind of the
realization of wow I need to understand
this whole dating thing and so you know
and I had a public speaking fail in
there too I was the valedictorian of
Santiago Canyon college and I choked in
front of this big old audience of about
a thousand people and really flub this
speech right so then I went to UCLA in
the short of it is I ought to every girl
on that campus some of the multiple
times I talk to girls in the library in
the gym on the way to class after class
in the coffee shop and everywhere in
between always at 2:00 in the afternoon
with no liquor where there's a lot of
social judgment and I just got myself to
take all of these quote-unquote risks
you know risks just insofar as I was
rejected hundreds of times and with that
I got hundreds of numbers and
I finally was cool so that was kind of
the modality I initially used to and
it's really not that bold I mean think
about compared to taking down a beast to
survive for your family what I mean
approaching a girl is nothing in
comparison which is why I say I on the
scheme of things I'm really not that
confident as a guy compared to what they
were doing in the past but that was my
first mechanism for building more of
that confidence and in in my life that's
that's really fascinating because there
that's the last thing you just said is
really interesting is like hey and when
you do put it in that perspective you
know like jumping into ice water in the
mountains or taking down an animal those
are a lot more serious threats I wonder
if a lack of serious threats then in a
way makes us that boldness muscle has
atrophied in a way and so then you know
approaching someone becomes this major
threat or calling someone on the phone
becomes a major danger to my totally
live with my life really and so I love
that you face that and that you sounds
like you did massive exposure and just
to the point where you you know it
wasn't just about well let me do this
just a little bit enough to get a date
it was like I'm gonna make a practice of
this oh yeah there were stories I mean I
went everywhere I went to the point
where it would be in the library and you
know UCLA it's a pretty academic school
I mean you could drop a pen and people
would hear it for a hundred feet and I
would get myself eventually and at this
point it wasn't scary whereas a year
before approaching a girl was terrifying
and so this is just the idea of the
power of repeated exposure I would see a
girl in the library and you know a sexy
girl and at this point how it's just all
about this and I on my studies until I
wouldn't talk to her I just knew in the
back of my mind I was like I should go
talk to her I should dog as I call it
dogging is kind of going and approaching
a girl right and so I would go and talk
to her and you could just feel you know
most times people don't actually notice
when we talk to girls that's called a
spotlight effect but in the library they
do notice when you say hey
I had just had to say you were
absolutely stunning my name is Jason I
would just feel like 50 heads turning
I'm still laughing at the mental memory
50 heads turning just like watching you
do this thing and that would have
freaked me out and still to this day
actually I don't approach women quite as
much growing the business doing these
different things I would be no more
nervous to do that now than I was then
but at that point in my life I was so
immersed in this approaching lemon that
the the repeated exposure got it to this
point where it literally the fear
disappeared and so I really believe in
this this idea of repeated exposure and
some of the research on on the amygdala
and in repeating you know yourself to
certain exposures are really confirming
that indeed it deregulates the fear base
part of your brain the amygdala which
has some really powerful effects for
guys who are trying to get more
confident in in a specific area of their
lives
we're gonna pause for just one more
moment and then get back to the
conclusion of the interview with
confidence expert Jason Rogers it was
subji dog so busy nothing hey men check
it out
I found this new program online called
text your way to sex do it is awesome no
way man
does it work oh yeah man I've gotten
laid like 400 times in the last month yo
yeah for real oh man hey J dog maybe
this can help me I got this girl that I
met and we talked and she was totally
into me and then we were texting and I
text through like four times in a row
and she didn't respond maybe you can
tell me what to do to text her into six
no doubt check it I can look up exactly
what to say after she doesn't respond
after the fourth text here I go
okay here's what you say you ready wizzy
yeah hey
insert girl's name Calma okay hey
Tiffany
comma all right what do I say next G
talk one of the hot babes that's into me
at this club reminds me of you
you missed out period you missed out
damn send that shit yo and she will be
texting you for sex in like three
minutes yo yeah yeah yeah yeah there is
a ton of stuff out there on the internet
that will give you a false sense of
certainty that you know exactly what to
do in every situation and it's most of
it is just garbage and it doesn't create
good relationships it doesn't actually
make women want you and it doesn't lead
to a satisfying relationship with a
girlfriend or maybe even someone you
want to make your wife if you want to
learn how to show up boldly confidently
strongly assertively and actually
attract women by being the most powerful
man that you are and then know how to
text or what to say coming from that
place and I strongly suggest you check
out my program 30 days to dating mastery
which is gonna teach you everything you
need to know not in some weird script
form but by tapping into your own
masculine confident power and then
step-by-step getting out into the world
and doing missions and breaking through
your own fears so you're no longer stuck
and doubting yourself to get started
today go to 30 days to dating mastery
com that's 3-0 days to dating mastery
calm and you can also sign up there for
a free ebook that I'll send you which is
called 7 ways to start conversations
with women anywhere anytime no weird
pickup artist stuff just you being your
most badass confident self
absolutely and I love that spotlight
effect and the funny thing is is if I
was in the library and I heard a guy
saying that or kind of got wind that was
happening
I'd watch too I feel like what's totally
good
this is a high drama this is better than
a soap opera like this is real life
what's gonna happen next and you know
the assumption is that there's it's all
loaded with judgment but actually I
think it's it's often just it's exciting
it's we're curious we're fascinated and
if someone is judging it's probably I
don't know pushing one of their buttons
probably if it's a man judging you he's
jealous about your boldness and your
ability to do that but I remember that
holding me back for for a long time ever
I've it's funny how those moments where
you challenge that and go into the
spotlight kind of get burned into your
memory I remember I had a moment where
it was just I was similar to you is like
I'm gonna do this and so I would just
like I'm gonna find opportunities in
places to to practice and and and during
the day too because I didn't I didn't
want to drink or anything like that so I
remember I went to a Starbucks I don't
think I even wanted anything at the
Starbucks I just was there to you know I
saw a woman on working on her laptop but
there was people like she was in the
couch area and there's like a person on
either side and there's a table and
there's people and I'm like that is that
is the worst like there is no way to
hide that yeah yeah I'm gonna talk to
her and and yet there's something in
there around that emerson quote right
like just do i this is not his words but
but do what scares you basically yeah
and when you really get that that that
builds something inside of you that that
lasts forever regardless of what she
says or does then there's this this
willingness that emerges and so I
remember I walked right up to her and I
looked at her I said hey I wanted to say
something she's like uh and I was like
you have the most beautiful I kind of
paused dramatically she looked at me
laptop that I've ever seen and then she
laughed and then I you know I asked her
what are you working on blah blah blah
and then and I could feel the eyes on me
but it's okay and you survived I
survived and we're so much better off
for it you know it's like going into the
water and being fucking cold for 30
seconds or 60 seconds or whatever but
you survive and you're stronger for it I
love that story I loved what I thought
you were gonna say you're beautiful the
beautiful laptop in this that it's
missing turbo I know present moment you
know that's that power of not you know
guys look for pickup lines I'm sure
you've been asked what what do I say
like what's the line and I love saying
try to trust your gut and just feel it
out in the present moment there's no way
you could have said that in the way you
did if you thought ahead of time what
I'm gonna say so super powerful they're
super powerful I love that story and
those are the stories you're right you
remember those and it's not so much the
outcome like for both of our stories we
actually don't even talk about when what
came as a result because that's not
really what it is it's it for me it'll
never be about you know what happened
afterwards I mean the others are in the
cool thing is this good things do happen
without a doubt good things do happen
especially the repeated practice but
it's about who you kind of a common
that's why I I love what we're talking
about can do for people far beyond their
dating lives far beyond getting a number
or anything like that it's so much
deeper yeah and it's so much more
empowering in my opinion well absolutely
and I think you know the dating it's
sort of what what is the the thing that
we want most and maybe at that time in
your life I know it was for me to is
like well I want to I want to feel more
confident people but I also want to be
able to date like you know college man
that's supposed to be experiencing
something and for me I didn't get
started until the very end of college
with this stuff so all of college had
passed by and I was like oh shit this is
not gonna this is this is not gonna
happen on its own so then it was the
focus on women but you're absolutely
right because that muscle of boldness is
what creates the success or the feeling
of success in every area of our lives
our social lives our relationships and
and in career and I've been studying and
reaching out and talking to people and
working with people a lot more about
confidence in the business world and
entrepreneurship and I keep seeing the
same
name stuff I'm like it's the same things
its boldness its willingness to take
risks and it's just funny how we can
apply that skill across the board to
anything to create an extraordinary life
I love it dr. Zee's now you you're
spot-on you you're the expert man you
know and and to great things I just want
to share that are completely tied in
that relates what we're talking about
the first is the idea the spotlight
effect which we talked about the Spalla
effect is really cool there's research
on it and basically the spotlight effect
is actually they did Studies on it I
won't go through the studies you can
check it out just google the spotlight
effect but they found that people
actually pay way less attention to us
than we think see like the story that
the doctor ZZZ and IH told about you
know for you in the coffee shop dr.
season for me in the library
those were the unique situations where
there's people right there so they do
actually notice what we're up to but I
know from experience most times people
don't pay attention for more than three
seconds the spotlight effect actually
shows that people aren't focusing on us
into the spotlight we believe is honest
is actually not there hmm super powerful
and research to back it not just my
opinion PSA's and although my
experiences have certainly validated it
so a lot of times people don't really
notice what we're up to nearly as much
as we think we do and then the other
thing that's really interesting and I'm
sure um you you've talked to guys about
this yourself dr. Zee's is that our
brains are still pretty much hardwired
for for life in the prehistoric time is
out in the savannahs of Africa
dr. Lieberman writes a really cool book
the evolution or when is that dr.
Lieberman oh I forget evolution
something to do with evolution but the
short of it is is our brains are still
hardwired for the old-school way of life
where you're literally in a tribe of a
hundred people and if you approach the
the the Chiefs daughter 50,000 years ago
and you made up kind of a foolish move
and you try to screw the Chiefs daughter
the Chiefs gonna kill you or kick you
out of the tribe and then 50,000 years
ago now you're in the savannahs of
Africa and you're you're fucked you know
like you're dead there's lines there's
Tigers there's bears you're gonna get
eaten and that's still a lot part of how
our mind works which is why I think we
have this aversion is guys especially to
be bowl
to take risks to ask the girl out social
rejection fear all of these these core
things we all feel I feel am I feeling
everyday fear anger or not anger fear of
rejection fear of criticism in its
deeply hard rooted into our brain
because if you messed up back in the day
maybe you were toast
but now you know the girl just you know
you make kind of a social faux pas or
kind of screw something up and you know
maybe a couple people laugh at you and
you you leave and in your not getting
kicked out of the tribe you you know
reload your chips you can go again so
it's a real interesting idea of of kind
of why we have the fears we do and I
know you know a lot more about this
probably than I do I've just read the
books on it but it's interesting man and
hopefully inspiring for guys listening
to try to realize that to take more
action knowing that the psychology of
the fear is a little bit misguided given
the 21st century we live in absolutely
and I think you said really good stuff
there I don't even need to add anything
to it because it's it's spot-on and what
I would love to ask you and and a little
bit of time we have remaining is
sometimes you know we you've done so
much growth and progress so much and
you're helping people along that path
now and yet you said very early on you
know I'm still doing this I'm still
growing I'm still pushing and I'm the
same way I'm like this is not there's
not some end state where it's like oh
great now I don't have a comfort zone I
don't ever have to push outside of it I
just have coasted you know they'll be
weird I'd be dead so how making this a
way of life you know doing what scares
you going outside the comfort zone what
are some one or two things ways that you
are doing that in your life now and I'll
share as well just so our listeners know
like this is a lifelong journey and
we're all working on this together
awesome you know I just try to find
opportunities that that I feel that
nervousness and I always try to move
towards them and I'll be the first to
admit I don't always do it I don't
always do it now I do it more than I
ever used to I just do things that that
keep me on my toes you know I go to
different networking events I've ever
been to before I just had I actually on
his ass to do I go to Toastmasters I'm
in a couple events there I like
Toastmasters I think it's a powerful
event for a lot of guys looking to build
more
confidence and there's always someone
who drops out of a role so just
yesterday I did a humorous role and
you're supposed to go up and just make
people laugh and I literally had five
minutes to prep for it and I'm you know
I had my experience public speaking
where I can jokes and it went really
terrible and I got cricket so in front
of about a thousand people so that's a
real fear that I've always kind of had
is is actually going up with the
expressed intent of making people laugh
so that was something I did just what
was that Monday actually this is
Wednesday of recording so that was two
days ago but in general it's just trying
to find something that pushes your
comfort zone and there's a million
opportunities man is we can see I
noticed every day there's something that
that creates that little nervousness in
me and I try to do it as often as I can
and it's a muscle I believe a muscle
that uh that you want to keep working
out in the same way you go to the gym
you know once you go to the gym it's
routine three or four days a week I know
I'm going to the gym I know what I'm
gonna do and you get in that habit and
that's kind of what's cool is you almost
make pushing your comfort zones the
habit and you kind of get that that
appreciation I think for for the
experience that you don't have when you
start how about you dr. Zee's absolutely
well I love that and I and I think what
your what I'm hearing in there is that
you have to look for you have to be
looking for those opportunities you know
fight what where's that feeling that
feeling and then moving towards it
instead of running away from it I think
the very first step is needing to look
for it because if we're not looking for
it we will as you said we have you know
hundreds of thousands of years of
programming in our nervous system that's
going to guide us to avoid it and to not
go there and so we take some of that
conscious attention onto like well what
what would scare me here and I think
sometimes figuring out what we really
want will also highlight what really
scares us because the path to get what
we really want often involves facing our
fears yeah I'm doing the same thing
looking for opportunities regularly for
me it's interesting it's it's mostly in
the business world now that I'm facing
fear the dating it's interesting so I
have this dating event coming up in a
couple of months and I'm sort of some of
the prep work for it and I'm like I got
to get into let me get into the water a
little bit and get back to what it's
like because I don't actively go out an
approach attractive
at this point I'll talk to women I'll
talk to attractive women sometimes too
but I'm not going out with the express
purpose to practice that and so just a
couple date over this last weekend I was
like oh I'm gonna start doing that again
if I'm in a supermarket or whatever and
I see it attractive women just go have a
conversation with her because I wanted
to get myself back into that experience
especially as I'm going in to teach
people and help them break through that
the places where I naturally and
organically noticing a lot as I said is
in the business world and for me it's
just reaching it's just exposing myself
to more and more rejection really so its
rejection with more people reaching out
to more people interacting with a larger
and larger list of people and getting
the occasional I don't like you
you're an asshole that kind of thing and
just like really exposing myself to that
or going and interacting with people
that I hold in high esteem mentors
teachers people that I might think oh
they're better than I am why would they
talk to me and I'm organizing a summit
where I'm approaching the most inspiring
and confident people in the world that
some of them have like five gatekeepers
and I'm pulling out all the stops on
some of them I have connections to so
I'm like working the way through the
back door some of them I'm just like pet
founding the gate and getting rejected
love it it's just like well yeah this is
uncomfortable this pushes my buttons
let's do this because it's no different
than approaching that woman it's no
different than speaking up or making
those jokes just about facing our fear I
love that man and you bring up a super
powerful point that that I think is so
important for everyone to to consider is
it's awesome when you're pushing your
comfort zones as you're talking about
dr. Zee's with that end goal in mind you
know for me actually too I don't
approach women as much as I used to and
a lot of what I'm doing the same thing
you're just at a grander scale at this
point is is reaching up you know
reaching up to different people being
willing to get rejected I'm writing and
different you know trying to get in to
ask men right now I've yet to been
accepted to that and in being willing to
submit and to hear the yes you're the no
reach out to different people in the
space that
and for me right I'm trying to grow this
brand Pete gank and you're trying to
grow your business so that's kind of the
area of focus and then having that that
courage or that boldness and not
willingness to hear the no is so
powerful for helping you get what you're
trying to get man because if it's worth
it I know you know this and I know
everyone and listening knows anything
worth having is is not gonna come cheap
not going to come easy if it were easy
everybody would have it super powerful I
love it does ease absolutely I feel like
there's like there's so many different
directions we could go I would love to
go get even more and but perhaps we'll
have another conversation in the future
what is the best way for people to find
out about you and your what you're up to
if they want to go deeper into watching
your breakdowns what what do you got
well how can people learn from I think
you have a ton to offer Thank You dr.
Zee's I appreciate that two places I
would invite guys interested to check
out first is I'm on YouTube at
youtube.com slash jason rogers peak p EA
k there's a lot of cool breakdowns there
i do these video breakdowns that we
referenced earlier that help guys
socially and it'll help you out socially
with different different points you know
with women and networking and different
things so I would check that out but
what I also have that I actually just
put together really really cool we
talked about two of those those traits
as I call them these authentic superstar
personality traits these real core
pillars that that I think is a man we
all want to be cultivating we talked
about the lightheartedness in the
boldness those were two of them they're
six and I have that on my website at
peak under pressure calm and I want to
share those with with more guys cuz I
think for me the more I become grounded
in those six all six of them the more
all aspects of my life improve I'm more
confident my dating life my social life
and I've been able to start getting more
moments and with growing my business
that I didn't have before
having that awareness to those six so
that's at peak under pressure calm I
would encourage guys if they've liked
this and they're interested to go there
enter their email and get those six
traits sent to their inbox awesome and
we will have links below the show and
the show notes at shrink for the shy guy
calm so if you're listening to this on
your phone or whatever and you want to
just be able to click a link just go to
shrink for the shy guy calm and click on
the show notes for this episode and
awesome thank you so much for joining us
today Jason and thank you for all that
you're doing
thank you dr. Z it's a pleasure man this
has been fun this has been real fun we
got to do this again soon
that brings us to the end of today's
episode the end of the interview at the
beginning of action axes your action
step for today is to bring more boldness
into your life notice what he's saying
notice what I'm saying notice probably
what you've heard in a lot of different
places in your life which has got to
find what scares us and we got to do it
there is no way around that
there is no pill there's no magical herb
there's no patch there's no sentence
there's no magic dust there's nothing
that's going to eliminate the need to
face what you fear and to do what scares
you of course there are tools to
overcome the fear to get more on your
own side to stop beating yourself up and
there's a wealth of those in this
podcast in other programs that I have in
the things that Jason is teaching but at
the end of the day guess what we got to
take action so go out there today and do
something that scares you or this week
do one thing that scares you look for
that opportunity during the day and take
that super small risk even if it's
really small that's great because that's
something you're more likely to do and
then you can build momentum so look for
those risks take them and stay tuned get
on my list to find out more about the
dating confidence weekend I think it
could really help transform your
experience in your dating life and man
that's what I really want for you
because when I got the area of dating
and relationships handled in my life and
was able to create Anna Mae
relationship with an amazing woman that
just feels good I mean that's just that
solves a lot of problems now I notice of
all our problems there's still other
problems in life but it just feels
really good to have that handled and I
want that for you and it's totally
possible and any bullshit story that
you're telling yourself like I'm too
short or I don't have enough experience
or I'm awkward or anything man I want to
help you bust through that I want to
help you bust through that fast and
that's what the weekend can do so stay
tuned for that to find out about the
early birds and until we speak again may
have the courage to be who you are and
to know on a deep level that you're
awesome talk to you soon thanks for
listening to shrink for the shy guy with
dr. Aziz if you know anyone who can
benefit from what you've just heard
please let them know and send them a
link to shrink for the shy guy calm for
free blogs ebooks and training videos
related to overcoming shyness and
increasing confidence go to social
confidence enter calm
[Music]
you


Highly-Authentic-Highly-Attractive-With-Jason-Rogers-Part-2