notkickass222urmom

wai-wai pt 9

Jun 19th, 2014
253
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  1. So, as some of you might remember, all was well in the Kingdom of Equestria. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and John had murdered all of his enemies, which resulted in him getting large amounts of cyan speedster-vag. Nothing could possibly ever go wrong with 21 (out of a total of 40) chapters left.
  2.  
  3. >Equestira mortuary: One week later:
  4. There's only one morgue in Equestria. We can only assume that it is filled with the corpse of this story.
  5.  
  6. >An doctor said, "Hey ... ehm something is wrong with him!"
  7. It's a permanent and quite serious condition called "being dead".
  8.  
  9. >Doctor 1: "I don't know his body isn't ... cold. Yes a bit but not how should be it if somepony died.
  10. You would think this would cause the doctors to assume that the body actually isn't dead. Also hey look, we're doing dialogue differently now. For some reason.
  11.  
  12. >Doctor 1: "Yes you sure, I mean ... humans have a cooler temperature as pony and he is still war, look 30°C."
  13. If we've learned anything from Andre, it's that humanity is always at war. So I don't find it unlikely that he thinks a human body, even when dead, is at 30 degrees of pure war. Gotta include that HiE misanthropy. Also the body is human, which means that it's either John, Steve, or a new OC.
  14.  
  15. >Doctor 2: "He ... he ... he still ... breath?"
  16. It's a miracle! Breathing undead!
  17.  
  18.  
  19.  
  20. >Doctor 1: "WHAT? UNPOSSIBLE!"
  21. >Doctor 1: "PULSE!?"
  22. I wouldn't thrust the doctors that still believed a "dead" body was dead despite being warm, having pulse and breathing.
  23.  
  24. >Doctor 2: "What the ..."
  25. >*No no NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*
  26. >*CLCK CLCK*
  27. >*Necks broken.*
  28. Ah, the sounds of necks being broken. Such a well known and distinct sound that you don't really need to explain what it sounds like. Well, I sure as hell didn't see that one coming. Real subtle. A twist only rivaled by the finest works of M. Knight Shalambaladingdong.
  29.  
  30. >Someone stood up. He spit his blood capsule and his "Around toxin" capsule out of his mouth.
  31. >(Info: Around toxin = is a toxin which become hypothermic your body and shut down your pulse. The person look as he/she is dead but in real he/she is only suspended animation.)
  32. Hey, look, it's bullshit! There wasn't any plot now that there's no enemies any more, so Andre needed a quick way to introduce an new one or bring in a old (Steve) one. So once again, he skips all logic and steals something from MacGyver or whatever.
  33.  
  34. >Pony assistant: "Hey whats going on? Do you ponies have any .... any ... THATS UNPOSSIBLE."
  35. >Pony assistant: "Help help HEEEEEEEELP .... *UUGHCK*
  36. I'm so invested in these characters and these scenes right here. I can really envision it all happening before me.
  37.  
  38.  
  39.  
  40. >The unknown voice said, "Time for a shower."
  41. Remember, when you're on a murderous rampage, personal hygiene is important.
  42.  
  43. >He undressed themself. He undressed his suit and his... bullet-proof vest. A bullet stuck inside it.
  44. Wait wait wait. So he was lying in the morgue, a week after he died, still wearing clothes, even though he was going to be examined by doctors?
  45.  
  46. >He went out of the shower. He wear on a new suit. He true his tie. He put on his golden clock. He putted on his sunglasses.
  47. Where does the shadow, that totally isn't Steve, get all these things? I'd imagine that even though he might travel in time now and then to bring in new stuff, he would have a hard time finding a new human suit in the Equestrian morgue.
  48.  
  49. >He opened the door. He went outside. There stood two guards. They haven't heard anything.
  50. What's the killcount so far? 5? Why do you need guards at a morgue? Is there a legit threat that someone will steal the dead bodies?
  51.  
  52. >The unknown person, "Yes yes John you thought you shift me of hm? Oh no I am back, you can´t stop me. As you said, I am to clever!"
  53. I don't even get why Andre would bring back this character. He's bland, unoriginal, uninteresting and one-dimensional. He represents nothing and has no character worthy of note. It would honestly be better to come up with a new OC at this point. And you know it's bad when I would prefer someone to come up with another shitty OC instead of using a existing character.
  54.  
  55.  
  56.  
  57. >It was ... STEVE CONNOR.
  58. Sorry for spoiling the big surprise for everyone. As I said, there's no reason for this to happen. Yet it happened. And it might keep happening. This fic has no plot, no aim, and no theme, besides "LOOK HOW COOL ANDRE, I MEAN JOHN, IS!". At least we're not dealing with a fic where stallion gang rape is hilarious.
  59. See the image for Andre's new visualisation of Steve. Sure, this version looks different, and is a whole deal younger, but death does that to a man. It makes total sense. Stop complaining and let me jerk off to RD some more.
  60.  
  61. >*PUFFFFFFFFFFFF*
  62. What does this sound even mean?
  63.  
  64. >Steve smiled, "Good, the bodytrasformation still work."
  65. So that's the sound he makes when he transforms? Does he instantly transform in a cloud of smoke? How is he a stealthy agent? With a audible and ridiculous transformation like that, we can only assume that Steve is, in fact, a magical girl.
  66.  
  67. >He was the white Pegasus pony again.
  68. But he was brown just some chapters ago.
  69.  
  70. >He left the hall with his known evil smile.
  71. Then again, I don't think Steve has ever moved his mouth without it being called evil.
  72.  
  73.  
  74.  
  75. >Author's Note:
  76. It's been a while.
  77.  
  78. >If you disliked it, I am not sad, so I know what I have to do better.
  79. So all my ad hominem (google suggests ad Eminem) are basically ok?
  80.  
  81. >First I want to thanks two special persons which loved my story and supported me with the grammar.
  82. It both fascinates and worries me that people apparently unironically enjoys this story.
  83.  
  84. >There are more people too who loved my story, I never thought that, because I never written one
  85. You've never written a story? What have I been reading for 20 chapters then? Your autobiography?
  86.  
  87. >This story is finished now
  88. wat
  89. That's it? That's the entire story? It didn't even really have a proper ending, and this cliffhanger bullshit makes me want to go hang myself. Plus, there's 20 chapters left. What can you possibly write about for 20 chapters if the story is over?
  90.  
  91. >but now I will start a new one which talks about Steve Connor
  92. Why? Why would you start a fic about the most uninteresting character in the fic? He has no story to tell, but you can tell that Andre loves the character. Is the last 20 chapters going to be the "Steve Connor show"?
  93.  
  94. >who he is, what kind of live he lives and how he entered Equestria, how he become a pony and so one.
  95. But I don't want to know any of this.
  96.  
  97.  
  98.  
  99. >The story will tell about of the dark secrets about Equestria too. (for example Rainbow Factory.)
  100. Just when I thought it couldn't get much worse, you present us with this shit? Why would I want to read about that?
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