Now, too, I had nothing to take my mind off what was happening
to me. My mother and my father—I was leaving them forever.
My home on an island—I was leaving it forever. What to make of
everything? I felt a familiar hollow space inside. I felt I was being held
down against my will. I felt I was burning up from head to toe. I felt
that someone was tearing me up into little pieces and soon I would
be able to see all the little pieces as they f loated out into nothing in
the deep blue sea. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I could see
that it would be better not to think too clearly about any one thing.
The launch was being made ready to take me, along with some other
passengers, out to the ship that was anchored in the sea. My father
paid our fares, and we joined a line of people waiting to board. My
mother checked my bag to make sure that I had my passport, the
money she had given me, and a sheet of paper placed between some
pages in my Bible on which were written the names of the relatives—
people I had not known existed—with whom I would live in England.
Across from the jetty was a wharf, and some stevedores were loading
and unloading barges. I don’t know why seeing that struck me so, but
suddenly a wave of strong feeling came over me, and my heart swelled
with a great gladness as the words “I shall never see this again” spilled
out inside me. But then, just as quickly, my heart shriveled up and the
words “I shall never see this again” stabbed at me. I don’t know what
stopped me from falling in a heap at my parents’ feet.
       When we were all on board, the launch headed out to sea. Away
from the jetty, the water became the customary blue, and the launch
left a wide path in it that looked like a road. I passed by sounds and
smells that were so familiar that I had long ago stopped paying any
attention to them. But now here they were, and the ever-present “I
shall never see this again” bobbed up and down inside me. There was
the sound of the seagull diving down into the water and coming up
with something silverish in its mouth. There was the smell of the sea
and the sight of small pieces of rubbish floating around in it. There
were boats filled with fishermen coming in early. There was the sound
of their voices as they shouted greetings to each other. There was the
hot sun, there was the blue sea, there was the blue sky. Not very far
away, there was the white sand of the shore, with the run-down houses
all crowded in next to each other, for in some places only poor people
lived near the shore.