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- >Have job with fluffy pony removal service.
- >People pay good money to have strays taken off property.
- >Trample flowerbeds.
- >Eat vegetable gardens.
- >Shit everywhere.
- >Little old lady calls.
- >Show up that afternoon.
- >Offers you tea & cookies.
- >Nice old lady.
- >Wonder if she really has a fluffy pony problem or just lonely.
- "Oh they're under my front porch. They trample my flowers and eat my garden."
- >Shows you the damage.
- >Partner nods.
- "Of course we can take care of this ma'am."
- >First, seal off escape routes.
- >Old lady's porch is skirted by lattice, so you only need to patch holes with wire fence.
- >Crawl under porch.
- >Reeks of fluffy pony excrement.
- >Bright light reveals 7 adults and three foals.
- >Frightened, huddled in corner.
- "Easy little fellas...I'm your friend."
- >That shit never works with ferals.
- >Only one unicorn in the bunch.
- >That's usually the Alpha...the "smarty friend."
- >Loop him with snare-stick.
- >Pull alpha out, hand him off to partner.
- >First feral fluffy goes in the transport cage.
- >Now that the alpha is gone the rest freak out.
- >Two stallions run, try to escape but find their holes blocked.
- >They try to dig.
- >Grab them by tails, hand them out.
- >4 mares huddle in corner, thumping their tiny hooves and puffing up their cheeks.
- >"Go 'way munster!"
- >They're super easy to snare because they won't leave the foals.
- >Hand out 4 mares, one by one.
- >Cage almost full, only the babies left.
- >Foals won't run.
- >Their mothers gone, foals huddle together and cry.
- >Partner crawls under porch to help with delicate fluffy foals.
- >Gather up bawling foals, try to calm them.
- "Your mothers are right outside. We'll take you to them."
- >Partner sniffs the air.
- "You smell something?"
- >Only fluffy shit.
- "No...fire."
- >Crawl out just in time to see little old lady lighting a torch.
- "This is for my begonias you little vermin!"
- >Caged fluffies scream in terror as little old lady torments them with torch.
- >Beat themselves against walls of cage in desperate effort to flee.
- >"Noooo! Pwease not hot huwt! Pwease let fwuffies go!"
- "Only place you little vermin are going is hell!"
- >Little old lady jams torch into cage.
- >Fluff goes up like a bomb.
- >Fluffy ponies writhe and scream in agony as they burn alive.
- "Lady, are you nuts?"
- >Little old lady looks puzzled.
- "What did you intend to do with them? Give them spaghetti?"
- >Explain that they are taken to rescue & relocation centers.
- >Little old lady scoffs.
- >Notices foals.
- >They've just watched their mothers burned alive.
- >Squealing in terror, fighting to get free.
- "No sense wasting matches on these rats."
- >Little old lady drowns fluffy foals in birdbath.
- "Crows like the little ones. The bones are still soft."
- >Offers you tea & cookies again.
- >Too freaked out by old murder lady to say no.
- >She tells stories.
- "I was in the French Resistance during the war. Burned 11 Nazis who were sleeping in a barn."
- >Eager to get going.
- >Crazy old broad.
- >It's gonna take hours to get the smell of burnt fluffy pony out of that cage.
- >Drive back to work.
- >Old converted fire-house.
- >Boss calls you over.
- "Did you two take a call for 348 Maplewood Lane?"
- >Nod.
- "Awww shit. We should have warned you. That crazy old bitch again."
- >Boss and co-workers all laugh at you.
- >Good natured, don't get mad.
- >Little old lady does this at least once a month.
- >Lures stray fluffy ponies onto her property with spaghetti.
- >Calls fluffy pony removal services.
- >Once fluffies are caught, burns them alive.
- >You show them the cage with 7 burnt fluffy pony carcasses.
- >Much laughter.
- >Boss explains;
- "Her check never clears either. She's just a crazy old broad who gets off on burning fluffy ponies to death."
- >Still gotta clean that cage.
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