Larfleeze, jump #45 or thereabouts

[Larfleeze redux, jump #45]

Drawbacks: Long-Running Series, Titanomachy, Light Saturated: Life (1800)

Lantern: White

Overemotional: Life (Free)
The Unmitigated Greed of Larfleeze w. Living Power Battery: Life (1300)
Cave of Treasures (Free)
Larfleezia: Tuatha-Danmazons (1150)
Goddess of the House of Tuath-Dan: Sena (750)
Box of Emotion: Life (550)
Power Ring: White (250)
Do I...Know You? (150)
Jumper Corps (0)
-Grail: Lantern, Overemotional: Ultraviolet (Free), The Unmitigated Greed of Larfleeze: Ultraviolet (300), Box of Emotion: Ultraviolet (100), Cave of Treasure (Free), Aesthetics (0)
-Elodie: House of Tuath-Dan, Aeshetics (Free), Armory (Free), Divine Durability (300), Celestial Starsoul (0)
-Didi: Lantern, Overemotional: Death (Free), The Unmitigated Greed of Larfleeze: Death (300), Box of Emotion: Black (100), Cave of Treasure (Free), Aesthetics (0)

You'd be surprised how little can happen over a few billion years. Once you get into the swing of them, god wars aren't so different from normal wars.

Despite like, a decade of going cold turkey from evil Grail still needed her violence fix like a nicotine addict needed gum. So did the Necrosword, for that matter. In hindsight giving someone who actually became more stable by turning into an avatar for the dark side of the Source the Slicer of Worlds may have been a mistake.

>*the approach of a thousand plasma hound-mounted screaming gods"
>Azura: "Okay, I know I said we were destined to win this one, but we might be a LITTLE outnumbered so maybe we should double back to fight another day and-"
>Grail: "HA HA HA, WHAT IS THIS? I BRING YOU WAR AND YOU FROLIC?!"
>*the sound of plasma and god-flesh being mulched in a shadowy blender*

And I was legit worried about what my creepy, creepy imoutos would do without something to distract them. Especially with how quickly #4 figured out how to use what we'd salvaged from the High Evolutionary and our iso-8 stockpile to turn the other imoutos into living love batteries too.

>Approaching gods: "Quick, an opening! We can finally get on that planet of mongrels and-"
>Imouto Corps: "BEWARE OUR POWER"

So. I DID wildly Equation and Phoenix at the incoming gods, but more as the last line of defence than on the front lines.

(Cont'd)

I accidentally got married along the way, after deliering a hopesplosion to the tummy of one of the marauders. You'd think there wouldn't be time for a wedding ceremony in a cosmic war, and you'd be surprised. She DID show me the omnimetals that let me buff my eliatrope powers enough to portal the whole planet into the prime universe, though.

She also explained the planet I'd apparently saved by showing up during a godly bombing run. Apparently if the 9 motionless skinny things that completely ignored waves of Jumperforce and golden lasers being fired near them were this universe's analogue to the Guardians of Oa, the planet was it's analogue to the Amazons. Except also a convenient exiling place for it's unwanted demigod spawn. I asked Sena /why/ they were all female. She looked very embarrassed in the middle of a space war, explained just how inbred the gods had become and by the end admitted it was probably for the best the goddesses in charge of that planet were long dead.

I regretted asking.

My attention turned to Earth 15. Navigating plank time and narrative was harder when everything got all red and imaginary unless you vibrated just right. So when I finally slipped in, a star was going nova. There's a kid begging his mom to get out from under the rubble. And I barely got in the way of the blast in time to deliver the force of a million exploding suns.

Back on Earth Prime. The Maltusians of Oa see me descending from on high. With the Power Cosmic, I reconstructed what the kid and his mom called the Travel Lantern. The Maltusians were excited. So excited they decided to remove their own emotions with it's technology. After some encouragement in this direction I talked them into agreeing the primal power ring produced by this act was best kept far, far away in a safe pair of hands.

Did I mention a lot can happen in a billion years? The trick, I realised, was finding the RIGHT billion years.

(Cont'd)

Pointing on that ring was like touching the mother of all joybuzzers. Imagine an electric shock made of anger, fear and so on, all at once. That is how plugging yourself into the entire Emotional Electromagnetic Spectrum do. More to the point, it made travelling through time much, MUCH more precise.

Which is how despite everything, I ended up where and when Larfleeze was moaning about his troubles to a very, very tired butler.

"Hey! Hey, you there! It's Larfleeze isn't it?" I asked.

"Do not interupt Larfleeze's solilquy!" he moaned. "Can't you see Larfleeze is in the winter of his discontent?! All his stuff is gone, even his ring!"

"Have...have you tried calling it back? You know that's a thing right"

"..."

"..."

"YES. LARFLEEZE COULD DO THAT ALL ALONG. LARFLEEZE IS DOING THAT RIGHT NOW, STRANGE LIGHTNING VEINED PERSON"

"Oh. Great! Because your stuff's in the Green Lantern's custody!"

>one space hitchhiking trip later
>3 space cop chases later, by the same furry space cop
>5 delays caused by Larfleeze being distracted by shiny objects later

We were in a Green Lantern holding cell. Larfleeze was increasingly confused by what his stuff was, and had started guessing at random things it could be. Deputy custody offer G'nort stepped in to check on the prisoner.

"Oh hey, you're lantern Anon! Thanks for wrangling this rascal! What happened to you after Blackest Night?" he asked.

"Fell through a plot hole. Anyway Larfleeze, let me present to you your stuff: A long-lost living relative!"

"You are telling Larfleeze" said Larfleeze disbelievingly, "that Larfleeze's real treasure...was the friends he made along the way?"

"Yep"

"Well, dang!" said G'nort. "I hope nobody holds THIS against me"

Larfleeze went dead silent.

Then he pounced and gave us a big hug, yelling "THIS IS THE BEST TREASURE OF THEM ALL! LARFLEEZE IS RICH AGAIN! RICH...IN FRIENDSHIP! AND FAMILY!"

>FIN