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Saturday 9:43:48 PM
JaRyCu: Glitter, I owe you an apology from the last stream. I was having a bad day and took it out on you and I'm really sorry for that. I won't let it happen again.
Glitter40011: it is in no way your fault. I completely understand your frustration whether it’s vocalized or not
Glitter40011: bad day or not, I still did things to annoy you so I should be the one apologizing
JaRyCu: Doesn't matter if you understand. We've always gotten along and I verbally attacked you. That's on me.
JaRyCu: Crittle's just seemed like she's getting down lately, and I was trying to provide a little positivity to her and her stream for a bit, see if we can cheer her up. Wanna try and help me? Maybe we can learn from each other. :)
Glitter40011: as you said, the “hostility” I mentioned is actually a point of perspective, so it’s not your fault
JaRyCu: Either way, let's try and work together and keep Crittle smiling tonight. What do you say?
Glitter40011: And I can attempt to be positive, but the only way I can truly do it without having a mental breakdown is with statistics and positive relationships in scientific trends
Glitter40011: but yes, let’s do that
JaRyCu: Tell ya what, whisper me anything that might be negative and I'll help you put a positive spin on it?
Glitter40011: that is everything I say
JaRyCu: Nah. You make her smile sometimes or she wouldn't like having you here, and it's obvious she likes having you around.
Glitter40011: Since this is psychologically based, there is no way to accurately discern that without PET scans or other types of physical data
Glitter40011: I am very good at pretending to like people and faking a smile to please them so it is definitely still possible that she doesn’t like me, but again that is not empirically based
JaRyCu: I agree. As someone who's been in sales for 22 years, I can tell you that all humans have "tells" that you can read to see how they are feeling. Most of them are subconscious, meaning that they are beyond the control of the human and can be accurate signs as to how that person feels.
Glitter40011: which makes no rational sense, and I cannot analyze it
Glitter40011: Which is extremely unsettling
JaRyCu: You actually can. There is empirical evidence that helps you to analyze it. If you'd like, I can look up a few books you can read on it.
Glitter40011: That would be incredible
JaRyCu: Give me a second, I think I remember who wrote them.
JaRyCu: You don't happen to have Kindle Unlimited do you?
Glitter40011: I do
Glitter40011: But I haven’t used it in mmm well a lot of years
JaRyCu: Oh good you can get some of this list for free. I haven't read them since I have the IRL experience instead, so I can't tell you which is the best.
JaRyCu: Wait, not a Kindle, but the Kindle Unlimited program. Do you know what that is?
Glitter40011: I do, but I haven’t read a book in like 8 years
JaRyCu: OK, just making sure.
JaRyCu: I read 2-3 a month, and I listen to 2-3 more on Audible every month too.
JaRyCu: Check out this list and see which ones sounds interesting to you: https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_2?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=reading+people+&sprefix=reading+pe%2Cundefined%2C147&crid=3JZWFDXYGOBTY
JaRyCu: This one seems to be the best rated book of all of them, though: https://www.amazon.com/Definitive-Book-Body-Language-Expressions-ebook/dp/B000SEH9QG/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1546744056&sr=1-3&keywords=the+definitive+book+of+body+language+by+allan+and+barbara+pease
Glitter40011: That one seems to be very beneficial, especially for those in social situations
JaRyCu: If you're inclined, you can also look up FBI studies and training on it as well.
JaRyCu: Very quantifiable. Emotions can be manipulated in order to gain the results that you like. Sales, law enforcement, lawyers... lots of career paths include it.
Glitter40011: Definitely
JaRyCu: So you can learn how to still be Glitter, but manipulate people into thinking you're being nice even when you're not. I've told so many people to F off and had them thank me it's not even funny. It's all in the delivery.
JaRyCu: Just don't try it on me or I'll call that shit out in a heartbeat. :P :P :P
Saturday 10:27:50 PM
Glitter40011: yes, you definitely would
Glitter40011: I like being blunt though
Glitter40011: if I don’t like someone, they’ll know about it. I might as well shout it from the rooftops
JaRyCu: Being blunt has it's place and time, but there are also times where having tact and refraining from saying things is just as good.
JaRyCu: That took me forever to learn.
Saturday 10:39:24 PM
Glitter40011: It’s really hard to be nice to people who refuse to claim responsibility for their own incompetence and stupidity but blame it on you
JaRyCu: Honestly, I turn it into a game with myself.
Glitter40011: it’s like every group project I’ve ever done in school, although it’s mostly the incompetence part with only a little stupidity thrown in throughout the years
Glitter40011: I don’t like to think of socializing as a game, it messes with people’s subconscious mind
JaRyCu: I didn't tell them that they were in my game. I've always been a gamer, 35+ years now, and I see everything in life as a game.
JaRyCu: Through that lens, I can pick areas to work on at my leisure.
JaRyCu: I used to be horrible with people and felt a lot like you do, and I never got responses that made me satisfied, so I just started adjusting my reactions until I got non-negative responses, and then I kept adjusting until I got useful responses I could work with.
Glitter40011: That is reasonable, but I like avoiding people in general
Glitter40011: I’m actually very afraid of them so I avoid large social gatherings, team sports, PERSONAL INTERACTION with anyone besides jerkwad, ordering at restaurants.. etc
Glitter40011: Either I’m very blunt, or I run and hide
JaRyCu: I was robbed at gunpoint in 2009. I still have mental trauma from that incident, and I have a hard time going out with big groups, movie theatres, restaurants... anywhere where there are lots of people.
JaRyCu: There are reasons I like modding for Jansey and Grimli... when I was off for Christmas, I'd literally be on Twitch for 14 hours straight and just interact with people in stream.
Glitter40011: that is reasonable as people on stream takes away some of the pressure of interaction
JaRyCu: Exactly. It really helps out for me, too. I like interacting, but I agree with you that it's a lot of stress doing it in-person.
Glitter40011: I don’t like being wrong, and I’m very clumsy even with words, so speaking to people in person isn’t really an option
Glitter40011: I’m not even kidding you when I say that when my mother makes me order my own food at a restaurant, I won’t eat
JaRyCu: Chat rooms because a thing when I was a little older than you, around the time I was 18 and starting college. I sucked, I mean completely sucked, at talking to people at Georgia Tech. I remember taking 2 days just to say hello to a girl in my class. Online, though, I was a superstar. I could talk to everyone.
JaRyCu: Eventually that helped me to learn to talk to people and deal with them in-person, but it was a struggle incorporating their words in with their body language at first.
Glitter40011: When I go to college, I will have to find a way to get through without talking to people. I won’t even send emails without thinking I said something wrong
JaRyCu: No one sends emails anymore. You're safe there.
Glitter40011: I need it for work and for taekwondo
JaRyCu: My boss emails out company stuff, but she texts me with the important stuff.
Glitter40011: But work still owes me $90, I need to email them but I won’t
JaRyCu: Copy and paste this to your boss: "Listen up bitches. You own me $90. Give it. Signed, Glitter."
JaRyCu: j/k don't really do that :P
Glitter40011: I considered that
JaRyCu: Tell me how you'd word it. I'll tell you if it's good or not.
JaRyCu: Leave out names obviously.
Glitter40011: “This is ________, with a referee number of ___________ and I never received payment for my November games, so I was wondering how I could obtain it”
JaRyCu: That's a perfect opening. To make it easier for them, add in a small bullet list of the games/times you worked so they don't have to research it very hard.
Glitter40011: yes, I will do that
JaRyCu: Nice and simple, and for work emails you can feel comfortable in sticking to straight facts. No emotions are needed at all.
Glitter40011: the best kinds of interaction, unemotional ones
JaRyCu: Amen. And with business, you can stay emotionless.
Glitter40011: doctors are trained to be emotionless
JaRyCu: Just the opposite. They have to be able to feel with their patients and still deliver news that can destroy them.
Glitter40011: welp, that’s rather unfortunate for me then
JaRyCu: My dad was a paramedic for 40 years, either wrote or co-wrote most of the training manuals and even national laws in that field. It takes a lot out of a person emotionally, and I saw that his entire life.
Glitter40011: I can’t relate with people on an emotional level
JaRyCu: Don't lick dirt. Please.
Glitter40011: I’ve been told I lack empathy and that I am psychotic
Glitter40011: And I won’t lick the dirt unless HE licks the dirt
JaRyCu: A lot of intelligent people can lack empathy. I've learned to show it, but I have to care about someone a lot before I really feel it.
Glitter40011: I am convinced that I am actually incapable of caring about people
Glitter40011: I believe that I am subconsciously afraid of being abandoned, so I stay isolated
JaRyCu: So you might actually be capable, but you keep the "brick wall around your heart" metaphorically speaking?
Glitter40011: jerkwad says it’s more of a burial situation
Glitter40011: I actually used to be a very emotional person, I don’t know what changed
Glitter40011: I was the complete opposite of myself now, I don’t think I can call that person me
JaRyCu: That happened to me at 30. I've been isolated for the last 10 years.
JaRyCu: I know what happened to me. I'm literally just now learning to deal with it and moving on because I need something in my life that the isolation can't give to me.
Glitter40011: I can’t figure out why I completely changed. I have NO IDEA not one
Glitter40011: I’ll never know, and that kills me
JaRyCu: Everyone is different, and I really would love to see you have an amazing life by however you define that. After 10 years with no friends or relationships, I can tell you that isolation sucks and has no upside.
Glitter40011: Whenever I’m not preoccupied with something else, I’m going over years of notes to see behavioral changes, matching life events to writing etc
Glitter40011: Isolation is my way of dealing with things, I will likely do it for as long as I live
JaRyCu: Periodic isolation is not a bad thing. I'm introverted internally but have very extroverted tendencies. Being in public just stresses me out on an emotional level, so I need that alone time.
Glitter40011: I fear interactions with other people as I can’t predict what they will do or say and I can’t not know things. I have to know everything.
JaRyCu: You wanna know how to get past that?
Glitter40011: I was told that it’s psychologically impossible
Glitter40011: but the psychologist who told me that likely got their degree from the internet
JaRyCu: Here's how I got past it.
JaRyCu: I watched every single performance that Robin Williams ever did. Repeatedly.
Glitter40011: That does not make logical sense to me
JaRyCu: He was the greatest comic genius in the history of the world because he would ad lib every single thing that he did. The situation didn't matter, the questions didn't matter, the role didn't matter.
JaRyCu: He didn't need information in advance because he found the patterns in how life works and then programmed different ways to respond into his psyche.
Glitter40011: but not everything follows a direct trend
JaRyCu: Exactly. That's why you study stand up comedy. You don't do it for the jokes because it's not about the jokes.
JaRyCu: You study stand up because a truly successful stand up comic never knows what s/he will see from an audience, what the heckling will be like, so they have to find common ways to reply to all manner of things.
JaRyCu: I worked in epidemiology for 3+ years. you know what that is?
Glitter40011: Yes I do
Glitter40011: Interesting profession
JaRyCu: Epidemiology is all about "zooming out" repeatedly until you get enough data to find a pattern, and then zooming in to study the pattern.
JaRyCu: Comedy. Sales. Doctoring. Life. To me, it's all about finding patterns that I can recognize in everything and then learning how to deal with those patterns.
Glitter40011: I tend to find patterns, but I cannot trust incomplete data
JaRyCu: You're not looking for solutions. You're looking for ways to enter into the pattern and study it more safely and thoroughly.
Glitter40011: But there must be rational solutions to all irrational problems
JaRyCu: That's why you find the patterns. They help you to find the missing data.
Glitter40011: what about the data that is lost
Glitter40011: Or is inconclusive
Glitter40011: Or can’t be found
JaRyCu: Or just not discovered yet. Remember how I said everything is a game?
Glitter40011: yes I do remember that
Glitter40011: But what if life is the game and we’re just pawns?
JaRyCu: Then so be it. I'm gonna be the most fun-loving pawn I can be.
Glitter40011: I will hide in the corner
JaRyCu: Nah, take my word on it. Read some of those books, watch some Robin Williams (or another comedian if you have on you like, he's just the best), and just force yourself to go to the mall and watch people in the food court.
Glitter40011: that place smells like... teenagers....
JaRyCu: Yup. Is your mall 1 or 2 stories?
Glitter40011: 2 I think
Glitter40011: I don’t go there often
JaRyCu: So watcha gotta do is stand up on the 2nd floor looking down into the food court, and pretend to play a game on your phone so you have a reason to stand there. Then just watch the people. The singles, the couples, the families. See how they interact. See what different groups have in common vs what they do differently.
Glitter40011: The food court is on the second floor
Glitter40011: and I dislike couples, they are repulsive and oddly defensive about their relationships
JaRyCu: OK that doesn't change anything at all. Now you can buy a cookies and a drink and sit at a table and watch the people more comfortably.
Glitter40011: I don’t eat in public
Glitter40011: I will just sit there and observe
JaRyCu: I didn't say you had to eat them. They're camoflage so you can study your specimen in their natural environment.
Glitter40011: And take thorough notes on walking patterns to analyze people for spinal problems
Glitter40011: I seeee
Glitter40011: Camo cookie
JaRyCu: Yup. And you eat the cookies when you leave and feel better about it.
JaRyCu: Because cookies.
Glitter40011: hmmm
Glitter40011: Cookies.
JaRyCu: dammit i want cookies now.
Glitter40011: Go make some!
JaRyCu: This doesn't have to be our only conversation Glitter. If you ever want to talk or ask questions, you can whisper me here or on Discord. I'm good either way.
Glitter40011: Okay
JaRyCu: I'm not getting offline yet, but I'm tired.
JaRyCu: I'm ready to slip back into troll mode again and see if we can make Crittles laugh more.
Glitter40011: do it
Today, 12:00:05 AM
JaRyCu: Lemme get something to wake myself a little. I woke up at 5:30A and it's midnight now, no nap in between.
JaRyCu: If I can come up with something funny, join in with me ok? :D
Glitter40011: Will do