RGRE Snippets (Often lewd) (incomplete)

Sep 14th, 2016
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  1. > Be Mr. Cake
  2. > You've been noticing the mares in town acting funny
  3. > Whispering in little groups, trotting in place, settling down whenever a stallion walks by
  4. > That wouldn't be so unusual, but they quiet down even when Snips and Snails go by
  5. > You take your cleaning rag and meander along the walls of your pastry shop
  6. > It's mid-afternoon, and there's only Berry Punch and Vinyl Scratch gossiping in the corner
  7. > Hmmm
  8. > You edge closer
  9. > "-Tent in the Everfree. Bring him food, he gets real affectionate if you do. Real Affectionate."
  10. > Vinyl tilts her shades
  11. > "You telling me there's a stallion cuddling for food? How deep in the Everfree?"
  12. > How-
  13. > Ugh, mares
  14. > To trap a poor stallion in dangerous woods and extort cuddles out of him
  15. > You thought they were better than this
  16. > You consider throwing out these disgusting ponies, but it's more important to save that poor stallion
  17. > You head back to the kitchen
  18. "Sweetums? I'll be out for a little while, a pony needs my help."
  19. > Your angel beams at you
  20. > "That's my sugar drop. I'll prepare something for the poor dear, and maybe something sweet for you too~"
  21. "You're the only sweet thing I need, honey pie."
  22. > "I know~"
  23. > Stars, you love this mare
  24. > You set off towards Sweet Apple Acres
  25. > You could use some moral support, if you're going into those woods
  27. > Big Mac flares his nostrils
  28. > "I don't like that at all, nnnope!"
  29. > You have to trot quickly keep up
  30. "Me neither, Big Mac, me neither."
  31. > You shiver a bit as you enter the shade if the Everfree, but press onward
  32. > It's not even difficult to find the trail, you just have to follow the smell of what may be almost every mare in town
  33. > You hear some giggling nearby
  34. > Familiar giggling
  35. > Oh no
  36. > You come around a dense stand of trees to find Pinkie Pie in the sordid embrace of a
  37. > Pale, hornless Minotaur?
  38. "You too, Pinkie Pie?"
  39. > She and the stallion freeze
  40. > He's the first to react
  41. > "Holy shit, a talking horse!"
  42. >...
  44. -------------------------
  47. > Be Rarity
  48. > Where have all the good stallions gone
  49. > Where are all the gods
  50. > "Good morning, Rarity!"
  51. "Good morning Twilight, how are you?"
  52. > It seems stallionists have managed to make herds almost mainstream
  53. > The idea of a beloved stallion expecting you to let another mare in...
  54. > You shiver
  55. > You have your business to worry about too
  56. > Quite frankly, marriage is too big of a risk these days for a working mare
  57. "Is a loyal stallion too much to ask?"
  58. > "Oh, you were monologuing in your head. I'll be back later."
  59. "Hm? Oh, I shall see then, sorry about that Twilight."
  60. > Where were you?
  61. > Oh yes
  62. > Oh wait
  63. "Good morning, Anonymous, how can I help you today?"
  64. > "I was stopping by to thank you for the socks, they are easily the most comfortable I have ever worn."
  65. > What a shameless fellow
  66. > "Ah, Anonymous, you are quite welcome. I do pride myself on my lingerie, and-"
  67. > You look down
  68. > Sweet stars above, he's wearing them right now
  69. "Perhaps you'd like to come ins-, ah, haha, have some tea with me, and we could talk about your wardrobe?"
  70. > "I'd be glad to join you."
  71. > You pull out a chair for him and set a pot to boiling
  73. --------------------
  76. > Be Anon, Bartender, on a slow afternoon
  77. > You serve the good stuff
  78. > Hot chocolate with the tiniest marshmallows
  79. > Eggnog
  80. > All kinds of milkshakes
  81. > And so you hear all the sob stories
  82. > Husband ran away for five minutes
  83. > Being low horse in the herd pile
  84. > Tripped and skinned a knee
  85. > Forgot to bring food to a potluck
  86. > You dole out pats and reassurances carefully
  87. > You are here to help them forget, not develop a dependency
  88. > Here comes one of your regulars
  89. > Princess Sparkle pulls up a stool, her wings drooping low
  90. "The usual?"
  91. > She nods
  92. > You pour a tall glass of milk and set out a plate of homemade Oreos
  93. > Pinkie Pie is a good supplier
  94. > An Oreo rises, dunks, then disappears into the little pony's mouth
  95. > You wait, idly wiping a glass with a cleaning rag
  96. > By the third cookie, her head is propped up on her hoof, and she is sighing
  97. > "You know, they say stallions like a confident mare."
  98. > You hum an acknowledgement
  99. > "But then there are mares that don't take no for an answer. Who don't notice when they're making the guy uncomfortable."
  100. > Lyra
  101. "Have to have balance. Moderation and all that."
  102. > She nods
  103. > "See, I have seen too many mares of the second type, and I try not to be like that. I try so hard, that I just do nothing."
  104. > You're going to have to cut her off after this plate, you can tell
  105. > You set down your glass and switch to wiping the counter
  106. > Twilight laughs, a sad, bitter thing
  107. > "I end up just helping them. Helping everypony. I like it too, but it's all I can do. Can't build on it. Can't recognize the signals."
  108. > She knocks back the rest of the milk, swaying on the stool
  109. > Probably drank some soda before she got here
  110. > Still kinda weird how sugars and fats affect these horses in different ways
  111. > You make your way around the counter
  112. > Twilight sets the glass down and lays her head on her crossed forehooves
  113. > Her eyes droop as the milk hits
  114. > " 'm jus' the princess a frenship. 'sall."
  115. > You wait for her to fall completely asleep, then pick her up
  116. > She's warm in your arms as you make your way over to the nap corner
  117. > You lay her in a cot and draw the blanket up to her chin
  118. > You look around the empty bar, then pull a chair next to her and sit down
  119. > You stroke her mane, and murmur softly
  120. "You're a good pony. Who's a good pony? You are."
  121. > After a few repetitions, you are rewarded with a smile on her sleeping face
  122. > Your employer had been uncertain about having a male Bartender
  123. > Said the mares would try to take advantage of you, hit on you
  124. > Admittedly, some did
  125. > More often though, they just needed someone to talk to, who wouldn't think they were weak
  126. > Times like these, you're glad you can be there for them
  127. > The bar is silent and warm
  128. > No street sounds
  129. > No yelling
  130. > Just two lonely souls, breathing deep and slow
  132. -------------------
  134. > It started out innocently enough
  135. > Be Anon at a boring state function
  136. > Luna is at your side, looking similarly bored
  137. > Twilight is incredibly nervous, her mane slightly unkempt and her wings keep rustling
  138. > You tuned out whatever civil matter was being discussed long ago
  139. > Something about more colts in higher positions
  140. > For some reason, you just can't keep your eyes off of Twilight Frazzle
  141. > You murmur,
  142. "Looks like someone could use a cuddle."
  143. > Luna jolts to attention, trying to control her surprised expression
  144. > "Dost thou speak of me?"
  145. "Ah, no, sorry. I was just thinking Twilight could use some tender love and petting. Brushy brushies, you know?"
  146. > Luna quirks an eyebrow
  147. > "How forward. Art thou volunteering thyself for the duty?"
  148. "Uh, sure? It's what friends do, right?"
  149. > Luna covers her mouth with a hoof, her eyes sparkling with mirth
  150. > "Forsooth, tis nothing but the truest duty of a compatriot. 'Tis my suggestion to thee to act upon thy inclination once this tiresome affair hath reached its end. Perhaps in some secluded site, her bedroom as an ensample."
  151. > Sounds reasonable
  152. "I'll take your advice. Thanks Luna."
  153. > She nods regally, then turns her attention towards the current speaker
  155. > After the meeting you make your way to the frazzled mare
  156. > She's walking rather quickly, but your long legs can keep up rather easily
  157. > Twilight looks up at your approach
  158. > "Hello, Anon. Is there something you need?"
  159. > You fall into step beside her
  160. "Not really. I was just thinking that you could use some rest and relaxation."
  161. > She chuckles
  162. > "Don't we all. I wouldn't worry about it, I'm a strong mare, I can handle a little stress."
  163. > You grunt, unconvinced
  164. > She stops before a door
  165. > "W-well, I'm going to take a nap. I'll see you around, Anon."
  166. > Time for some grade - A friendship
  167. "Mind if I join you?"
  168. > She looks up at you with wide eyes
  169. > "Wha- Y-"
  170. "I could brush your mane, massage your wings, things like that. You look like you could really use a cuddle."
  171. > Twilight's wings rise to half-mast
  172. > She glances around nervously
  173. > "A-are you sure? What about your reputation?"
  174. "What, is someone saying I'm a bad cuddler? Don't worry, I'll be gentle."
  175. > Twilight's face turns red, clearly out of embarrassment for doubting a true friend
  176. > "If you're okay with it..."
  177. > She opens the door and you follow her into the bedroom
  178. > What follows changes your life
  179. > You always knew these ponies were cute
  180. > Little hoovsies, soft bellies, big eyes
  181. > You were not prepared for the full range of squeaky noises they made when massaged and cuddled
  182. > The little pawing motions they made when you snuggled up as the big spoon
  183. > The sigh as she falls asleep, more relaxed than you have ever seen her
  184. > This could get addicting
  186. > Be Celestia, troubled by a crime spree
  187. "The mares won't even talk. After they recover, they refuse to admit that a stallion overpowered them. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to investigate their dreams, dear sister."
  188. > Luna looks uncomfortable with the prospect
  189. > It's hard to remember how it was long ago, but even you would be uncomfortable intruding on a dream of being struggle cuddled
  190. > You can't even imagine how it would be for your sister
  191. > "Very well. I shall take the Royal highway in service of this investigation. No doubt I shall discover the identity of the assailant."
  192. > You smile, comforted by her confidence
  193. "You are a treasure, dear sister."
  194. > Luna acknowledges the compliment with a dip of her head
  195. > "Thee as well. If thou wilt excuse me, I shall make my preparations."
  196. "Of course. Good luck."
  198. > Be Luna
  199. > Thou hast painted thyself into a corner
  200. > Thou knowest the most likely villein
  201. > Thou set him upon this path thyself
  202. > Nevertheless, thou shalt be thorough in thy investigations
  203. > Far be it from thee to let some other cuddler escape justice amidst the crimes that thou hast unwittingly instigated
  204. > Ye take that Royal road into Dreaming, and brace thyself for the lascivious scenes that do await thee
  206. > Be Anon, walking the streets of Canterlot at night
  207. > You sort of know that these tiny horses are embarrassed about being cuddled in public, so you try to be discreet
  208. > It's the best if you can get them comfortable in their own home
  209. > Other times, you bring them to a nearby hotel room
  210. > You save those pillows for backalley cuddles
  211. > You find yourself wandering into the humbler parts of town
  212. > That's where you find her
  213. > Matted gray fur
  214. > Tangled white mane
  215. > Wearing a chipped saddle
  216. > If you had to guess her age, early to late thirties?
  217. > Ponies are better at aging gracefully than Asian women
  218. > Estimated time without a cuddle:
  219. > Too long
  220. > You walk over to the picnic blanket she has spread out in the alley
  221. "Excuse me,"
  222. > She looks up at you with dull blue eyes
  223. "I got rather lost, could you give me directions to your home?"
  224. > She tilts her head, brows furrowing
  225. > Her eyes focus sharply, then she lowers her head in shame
  226. > "I don't have one."
  227. > You kneel before her, placing your hands on her squishy face and lifting her gaze to yours
  228. "Would you like to live with me?"
  229. > Her cheeks redden immediately
  230. > "
  232. ------------------
  235. > Be Anon, no longer riding the elevator to work
  236. > No, instead you are standing on some stone column as a small zebra in a mask dances around a fire
  237. "What the fuck."
  238. > Its head whips towards you
  239. > "Hallowed poo, a talking statue!"
  240. > You are clearly dealing with a magic zebra here
  241. > Female, by the sound of her voice
  242. > You look down at yourself
  243. > Grey slacks and jacket, black tie, normal formal wear for the company you work at
  244. > You look back at the wary zebra
  245. "Uh, hi. My name is Anonymous, and I am not a stature."
  246. > She bows slightly
  247. > "I am called Zecora but could you answer me, are you truly a Lord of fertility?"
  248. "Lord of fertility? I'm just a data entry clerk."
  249. > She takes off her mask, shaking out her mane a bit
  250. > Zecora licks her lips
  251. > "From the tales I hear, hiyumans are fertile every season of the year."
  252. "Well, yes that is true."
  253. > She smiles at you
  254. > "Truthfully, I did not expect the rite to succeed, but now that it has, may I have your seed? For mares whose loins lack motion, they would drink your potion."
  255. > ...
  257. ------------------
  261. > Anon starts getting friendly with a mare
  262. > Mare's friends look nervous, try to subtly hint that the mare is dangerous
  263. > Anon talks to mare about her back talking friends
  264. > Turns out she is into pony bdsm
  265. > Things like calling you an idiot
  266. > Bopping your arm with a pillow
  267. > Making sandwiches for her
  268. > Letting her blow raspberries on your tummy
  269. > etc.
  271. --------------------
  274. > Anon is an endangered species
  275. > For the good of the future of the human race, Celestia appoints the most fertile mares to bear as many children as possible
  276. > The designated broodmares are varyingly fond of Anon, and varyingly okay with the situation
  279. Possible broodmare ideas:
  281. > Pinkie Pie, friendly with anonymous, but embarrassed and awkward about the sex side of things
  282. > She always treated him like a sis since he was always a marely stallion
  284. > Mayor Mare
  285. > (Old enough that she'll probably have twins, young enough to reliably get pregnant)
  286. > Sees this as her civic duty, is cordial with Anon, but not too attached
  287. > Secretly likes the idea of getting knocked up by a younger stallion like Anon
  289. > Fleur de Lis
  290. > Indignant that they sent her to some rural nowhere for the foreseeable future
  291. > Made a deal with the Princesses that she can return to her modeling career after she bears Anon five children
  292. > Grimly determined to get pregnant as soon as possible
  293. > Actually thinks Anon is an okay guy, but takes out her resentment with the situation on him
  294. > After a while, starts to feel guilty for some reason
  296. > Cheerilee
  297. > Likes Anon, thinks he would be a good father
  298. > Really excited about how many kids she'll get to help raise
  299. > Very, very supportive of the other mares in brooding
  300. > Gives them tips for positions and strategies for maximum fertility
  301. > Tries to make the broodherd as much like a real herd as possible
  303. > Bonbon
  304. > Was the most surprised when the spell singled her out for fertility
  305. > Was a monogamous lesbian with Lyra, resents being forced to rut a stallion
  306. > Dicks are gross
  307. > Meanwhile Lyra is 300% hype about Bonbon mating with a human
  308. > So many questions about what it's like
  309. > Sadly, Lyra had her tubes tied a while back, so she can't get into the broodherd
  311. -----------------
  314. > Be Anon, officially one year older than you were before
  315. > The gifts you got range from subtle,
  316. > A bottle of amantillado
  317. > To...not subtle
  318. > A cream filled eclair and a strawberry donut
  319. > Thanks, Ponk
  320. > To cute
  321. > A blushing Luna magics over a little hoofmade booklet of coupons and teleports away
  322. > And so, when the party is over, that is the first one you actually look at
  323. > At least half of them read,
  324. > "Facilitated dream: Anypony you want, anywhere you want, anything you want."
  325. > The rest of the coupons look older and a bit more ragged
  326. > Vouchers for massages, doing the dishes, hugs, and one for cleaning her room
  327. > You have immediate flashbacks to your own childhood, and the terrible little coupon gifts
  328. > The books you read
  329. > The terrible drawings you later found out Mom actually kept
  330. > You sit down heavily on the bed, reminiscing about a life you cannot return to, even if you could go back home
  331. > The sun sets, and you sigh
  332. > You think you know what you want to do with your first coupon
  334. > Unending whiteness surrounds you
  335. > Luna fades into view, still a little red around the cheeks, her eyes half-lidded
  336. > "So soon? My, but you are an eager colt. Tell me, what can I become for you, what is your desire?"
  337. > Huh, it actually worked
  338. "Can you be a Zeppelin, customized to store and launch aircraft?"
  339. > She looks startled, then shrugs
  340. > "In your dreams, I can be anything you want me to be."
  341. > A boyish surge of joy fills your heart
  342. "Sky pirates, assemble!"
  344. > Be the dread zeppelin Eclipse
  345. > You do not know how you feel about your new form
  346. > The feel of Anon clambering around your decks, leaning from your windows, gripping your controls with firm confidence
  347. > Perhaps he was raised without a father?
  348. > T'would explain all this fillyish fantasy
  349. > You plow through a cloud in Anon's dream, envelop tingling with the condensation
  350. > When you burst through the other side, Anon gives an order through your speaker system
  351. > You are not familiar with this form of vibration, but it is not unwelcome
  352. > Numerous biplanes launch from your bays, descending upon an unsuspecting skybarge that you may have given a solar insignia to
  353. > Your horn blasts in exultation at the plunder and destruction of the Solar Confederacy
  354. > It is matched by Anon's shouts of glee and triumph
  355. > You believe you shall entertain the dreams of this human again
  357. > Be Celestia, passing by your sleeping sister
  358. > She's making weird noises in her sleep
  359. > Probably motorboating a dreaming stallion's balls again
  360. > You glance around her room and sigh
  361. > If only she would clean it more often
  362. > You shake your head and move on
  364. -------------------
  367. > Be Anon, not in Kansas anymore
  368. > Due to a freak magical accident, your entire apartment fell on some rampaging giant bug
  369. > Unlike the movie, that means at least half of your stuff is broken or ruined, the apartment itself is more rubble than home now
  370. > Fortunately the munchkin horses are more than hospitable
  371. > You end up renting a room in the local clothes store, living on a government stipend until you can get a job
  372. > You get by trading favors with your landlady, mostly babysitting the prospective butt tattoo guild
  375. > Be Anon, the sad
  376. > Because of a certain...reputation you have gained, the no fun committee audited your Halloween, that is, Nightmare Night plans
  377. > 90% of your decorations have been confiscated, but you are proud to know they are used during interrogations of hardened criminals
  378. > Likewise, Fluttershy and her speaking mouth pony Twilight Sparkle vetoed literally all of your costume ideas
  379. > Even the paper bag you drew a frowny face on
  380. > They didn't find one mask, but that one is more humorous than scary
  381. > It was more dispiriting than you expected
  382. > In the end, you prepared a bowl of candy and sat outside your apartment in your rubber horse mask
  384. > Oh hey, it's the branded bum rush gang
  385. > You swing your rubbery head their way, and they freeze
  386. > Maybe you can still be scary after all?
  387. "Hey girls, it's just me, Anon."
  389. ---------------------
  392. > Be Anon, Ambassador of the Human Race
  393. > Which is to say, the only human around, who also has no contact with his home country, and thus no political power
  394. > Mostly, you are just an exotic male Celestia shows off at diplomatic functions
  395. > Speaking of which,
  396. > "Did you try that workout I mentioned? My minotaur friends swear by it."
  397. > You were not prepared for stallion smalltalk
  398. "Oh, yeah, it was pretty good. A real full-body routine."
  399. > Power Play clops his hooves together in happiness
  400. > "I'm so glad! The peanut oil rub you gave me did wonders for the mistress, so it's good that I repay your kindness, at least in part."
  401. > Truth be told, you don't really enjoy talking about fitness and oils
  402. > Gotta change the subject
  403. "It's no big deal, I wasn't going to use them any time soon. Speaking of flammable things, what do you think of the new Dragonlord? Not as brash as the usual dragon hen, I think."
  404. > Power Play glanced down the length of the ballroom where the dragon in question was talking with the princesses
  405. > He shrugs
  406. > "Her scales have a good hue, but that's about it. Not much different from any other mare, as far as I'm concerned."
  407. > Celestia catches your eye over the heads of the crowd, beckoning you over with a tilt of her head
  408. > You nod, then turn back to Power Play
  409. "Sorry to cut our chat short, diplomatic duty calls."
  410. > He gives you a sympathizing look
  411. > "I won't keep you then. Don't get gobbled up by the mares, you big lug."
  412. > You work your way through the crowd, murmuring greetings and excuses, until you step into the open space around the princesses
  413. > The Dragonlord widens her eyes, her wings flaring for flight
  414. > You hold up your hands in what you hope is a pacifying gesture
  415. > Celestia looks on in interest
  416. > "Lady Ember, may I introduce Ambassador Anonymous?"
  417. > Lady Ember flexes her claws nervously
  418. > It would have been threatening if she wasn't a head shorter than you
  419. "Pleased to make your acquaintance, Lady Ember."
  420. > She glances between you and Celestia, then finally replies
  421. > "I did not think to meet a human, especially in Canterlot of all places. Have the tribes returned to Equestria then?"
  422. > Tribes?
  423. "Not to my knowledge. I arrived here by accident, and from another world. I had thought I would be the only human on Equestria."
  424. > Lady Ember looks to Celestia
  425. > "Another world?"
  426. > The Princess nods
  427. > "We had a unicorn who worked extensively on portals and other forms of magical travel. We believe some of his experiments misfired after deteriorating, and summoned Anon. But you spoke of tribes, does Dragon lore have tales of humans?"
  428. > Ember nods, watching you with less wariness and more interest
  429. > "Legends speak of a nomadic race of warriors, mighty and cunning. There was much honor to be gained in defeating a human champion, but they all left to parts unknown in the distant past. Presumably, to this other world."
  430. > Huh
  431. "Neat."
  432. > Celestia giggles behind her hoof
  433. > Lady Ember smiles begrudgingly
  434. > "Before I leave, I should like to spar with you, Anonymous."
  435. > You bow
  436. "I'd be honored."
  438. > The morning sun finds you in a small arena, practicing sword strokes
  439. > It often amuses visiting dignitaries to have their strongest retainer duel with you
  440. > Partly out of pride, you are sure, but you get more mud-arena wrestling challenges than can be accounted for by international one-upmanship
  441. > Your plate armor clanks in the crisp air of early spring, cool enough to offset the heat of exertion and the insulation that comes with wearing full plate
  442. > You catch a whiff of sulfur in the air and turn
  443. "Lady Ember, good morning."
  444. > She flaps down into the arena, clad in her own armor
  445. > Is that bronze?
  446. > "Good morning, Anonymous. Might I say that you cut a striking figure in your armor?"
  447. "Why, I do believe that is the goal of our spar, to cut your striking figure whilst I'm in armor."
  448. > She blushes rather prettily
  449. > "Do not think that I shall go easily upon you for the sake of that flattery."
  450. > Oh, this is fun
  451. "Of course not, I am sure you are no easy dragon. Shall we begin then, and see how hard I am for you?"
  452. > You shake your limbs loosely and fall into a ready position
  453. > She dons her helmet, hiding her beet red face
  454. > "You have demonstrated your cunning. Let us test your might!"
  455. > Her wings folded close to her body, she charges you on all fours, crossing the distance between you in a heartbeat
  456. > You swipe at her, but she dodges around your blow and slams into your chest with her shoulder
  457. > You stagger back a step, but hold your ground
  458. > You feel her tense to jump off of you, and you begin a backhand swing
  459. > You catch her in mid-leap, denting the armor on her side
  460. > Lady Ember grunts, her hind claws digging into the dirt as she lands
  461. > At the same moment, her wing snaps open, catching you right in your right armpit
  462. > You hiss in pain, but press forward with rapid steps
  463. > She backs up just as quickly, weaving sinuously with each step
  464. > You lunge, swinging your sword in a horizontal arc
  465. > She dashes beneath and then behind you
  466. > Something wraps around your trailing foot and twists, pulling your leg out from under you
  467. > You roll with the motion, what you think is a tail pinned under your other leg
  468. > You continue the roll and find yourself straddling the writhing form of the Dragonlord
  469. > Her motions become less frantic and more...
  470. > "How forward, Anonymous. At least kiss me first."
  471. > She reached up slowly to your helmeted head, breathing rather heavily behind her own
  472. > Not gonna work, you've fought mares before
  473. > You headbutt her with a clang of metal on metal, her head bouncing from impacting the ground
  474. > She gasps
  475. > You rear back for a repeat performance
  476. > The air before you fills with a roaring fire
  477. > You scramble back, your armor uncomfortably warm
  478. "That's cheating!"
  479. > Lady Ember hops back onto her hind legs
  480. > "Hardly. You've been using your damnable pheromones this whole time!"
  481. > ...
  482. "Are you saying I smell sexy?"
  483. > "Yes!" she growls
  484. > Oh
  485. > Neat
  487. -------------
  490. > Be Anon, out for an evening stroll
  491. > You're still getting used to the culture, but everyone is really nice
  492. > Free samples at the market, holding doors open for you, and they think you are really funny
  493. > The minotaur guys at Mooers are great, best coworkers you could ask for
  494. > Still, you do feel lonely from time to time
  495. > Not so much tonight, though
  496. > The moon is big and beautiful and the stars are so clear
  497. > It's a perfect night
  498. > You turn the corner, nodding happily at a passing stallion
  499. > He gives you a nervous smile and moves on
  500. > Further down the street is a fairly large mare with a black coat and a big flowing blue mane
  501. > She looks a little nervous too
  502. > Well, you don't want to come off as creepy, but nighttime in the big city is a dangerous place for a lady
  503. > You walk towards her
  504. > She notices you out of the corner of her eye, and turns to fully face you
  505. "Hey, it's pretty dark out. If you like, I could escort you to wherever you need to go."
  506. > Was that creepy?
  507. > She looks you up and down, assessing your dangerousness, probably
  508. > "Impertinent co-"
  509. > She pauses
  510. > "Escort, you say? How much do you require for your service?"
  511. > Is this a cultural thing?
  512. > Still, your have your own cultural hangups
  513. "I wouldn't dream of charging you for such a thing. It's what any real-"
  514. > What's the horse word?
  515. > Oh yeah
  516. "-stallion would do in my place."
  517. > She blushes rather prettily
  518. > "Very well. Follow me, colt."
  519. > You amble on beside her as she leads you through the streets
  520. > She sneaks glances at you, and you aren't really sure what to make of that
  521. > Is she being shy?
  522. > You get the feeling she's some sort of high class mare, maybe she lived a sheltered life for a while
  523. > Or maybe she just feels awkward walking with a stranger
  524. > Maybe some smalltalk is in order
  525. "Beautiful night, isn't it?"
  526. > You are rewarded with a small smile
  527. > "I have always thought so. I used to wish it would last forever."
  528. > You chuckle
  529. "Yeah, I know the feeling. So, what brings you out here at this hour?"
  530. > She gazes down at the pavement
  531. > "I had thought to
  533. -------------------
  536. > Be Anon, Jack of all trades
  537. > In other words, you'll do nearly anything for bits, which has gained you a certain reputation
  538. > When you arrive in Canterlot, you are immediately subjected to a number of medical scans, verifying that you are indeed free of certain diseases
  539. > Even so, you get odd looks as you are ushered in to meet Shining Armor and Twilight Sparkle, the acting regents
  540. > They seem uncomfortable
  541. > Twilight coughs
  542. > "Anonymous, I trust that you are aware of the situation?"
  543. "From what I hear, the princesses are down with some sort of sickness."
  544. > She nods
  545. > "Pegasus pox. It's especially serious for older ponies, and we don't know how badly the Royal Sisters will be affected."
  546. > Shining Armor stares at you grimly
  547. > "Do to your immunity, you'll be the orderly carrying out the physicians' treatment. This is very important, and you will be compensated accordingly. Will you accept this commission?"
  548. > You bow
  549. "Of course. It would be my honor."
  550. > Shining Armor motions a maid over
  551. > "Very well. Dusty Tufts will escort you to the doctors."
  552. > As you follow behind the gray mare, you catch a bit of the regents' whispered conversation
  553. > "-omiscuity"
  554. > Heh
  555. > Out in the halls, Dusty is quiet for a time, her hoofsteps and your footsteps echoing softly
  556. > Looking a bit more closely, you notice she isn't as young as you had first thought
  557. > Faint lines around the eyes, a certain... gravitas about her flanks, the almost concealed blush as she opens her mouth to speak
  558. > "Are you really the Ladder of Ponyville?"
  559. > You grin
  560. "I have been called that, but never to my face."
  561. > Dusty blushes more obviously now
  562. > "I-I had heard you offer all kinds of services. I don't have any bits on me now, but perhaps after the Sisters are better, I could hire you for some work?"
  563. "I am always open to business propositions. You can find me at the Honeygrape Inn, room nine. Until then, how about I give you a free sample?"
  564. > Her eyes widen as your fingers slip into her mane, scratching the scalp between her ears
  565. > Her hind legs buckle, and she leans into your touch, a soft sigh escaping her lips
  566. > Just as one of her front hoofs begins to make pawing motions in the air, you pull your hand away
  567. > Dusty Tufts makes a wordless whine, then gradually turns beet red as her higher thought processes catch up
  568. > She points at a distant door with one shaking hoof, unable to meet your gaze
  569. > "Th-they are th-through that door."
  570. > She promptly flees
  572. > The looks you get from the doctor mares are pretty entertaining
  573. > Some look... hungrily at you
  574. > Others are stern and disapproving
  575. > One had a distinctly envious look on her face
  576. > You take notes on the treatment plan they present, asking questions when needed
  577. > You can tell a few are won over by your professional manner and diligent attention
  578. > Once the doctors are satisfied you know what to do, they direct you into the adjoining rooms where the Sisters are being treated
  580. -------------------
  583. > Be Anon, summoned before the Ponyville Moral Council
  584. > i.e. Mayor Mare, Cheerilee, and Applejack
  585. "I get that clothing is somehow lewd here, and I am willing to continue to go without a shirt and pants. However, I must draw the line at my underwear."
  586. > Mayor Mare adjusts her glasses
  587. > "If you are willing to go that far, what is the problem with removing your underclothes as well?"
  588. "I don't feel comfortable with my dick exposed, especially when there are foals about."
  589. > Cheerilee shakes her head
  590. > "You don't understand, Anonymous. I teach the young ones about such things fairly early, and we cover reproduction each Spring. They are quite prepared for the occasional inadvertent erection, but to leave the bulge partially concealed in such a lewd manner..."
  591. > Appulhorse nods
  592. > "Just keep it in your sheath, and it'll all be fine."
  593. > ...
  594. "Sheath?"
  595. > The mares look at you, then each other
  596. > Cheerilee gazes at you in concern
  597. > "You know, where your stallionhood retracts when there isn't a fertile mare around?"
  598. > You shrug
  599. "I don't have one."
  600. > Mayor Mare laughs nervously
  601. > "I am sure you are mistaken, it is a simple fact of biology."
  602. > Snapplepack frowns
  603. > "He's tellin' the truth. Ifn' you don't mind me askin', what kinda equipment you got down there?"
  604. > You look down at your boxers
  605. "The normal kind, for humans. Not sure how to describe it."
  606. > Cheerilee cleared her throat
  607. > "We are all mares of the world here, you wouldn't have to be embarrassed about showing us."
  608. > You look her straight in the eye, but she seems sincere
  609. "Uh huh. I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours."
  610. > She nods
  611. > "That's fair."
  612. > Cheerilee stands up and turns around, looking over her shoulder at you expectantly
  613. > Her tail flips up, her back legs splayed slightly
  614. > Dose cheeks
  615. > Dat view
  616. > Anon Jr stirs a little
  617. > You glance at the other two curious mares, then sigh
  618. > You slide your boxers down
  619. > Treebucker chuckles
  620. > "Well, if that's all, there ain't no reason to get up and bothered about showin' it around town."
  621. > Rude
  622. > Cheerilee smiles at you
  623. > "Indeed. The shape is a little unusual, but I doubt any mare would be bothered by the compliment of your arousal."
  624. > Your gaze lingers on the teacher's firm ass and revealed slit
  625. > Little Anon perks up
  626. > Mayor Mare makes a strangled cry of surprise
  627. "Yeah, I'm kind of a grower like that."
  628. > Cheerilee's marehood winks once, and she quickly turns back around, blushing furiously
  629. > Applejack just stares slack jawed
  630. > You yank your boxers back up, but there's no hiding the bulge
  631. > Mayor Mare moans, then covers her mouth in shock
  632. > Cheerilee stares at the ground, biting her lower lip
  633. > Applejack keeps muttering "muh appuls" over and over again
  634. "Huh, you girls weren't kidding about hiding it being more sexy."
  635. > Mayor Mare wipes her brow, still not meeting your eyes
  636. > "Mr. Anonymous, you absolutely must not go out in public in your condition."
  637. "You volunteering to do something about it?"
  638. > You jiggle the goods for her benefit
  639. > She squeaks, and you hear a splash
  640. > Cheerilee clears her throat, still averting her eyes
  641. > "Anonymous, please, ah, take care of that before you go out in public. In the mean time, I think you see our point?"
  642. > You take in the sight of the three vibrantly blushing mares, and the puddle under Mayor Mare
  643. "Fair enough. Hey, Mayor. Want to help me with this?"
  644. > You do a little pelvic thrust
  645. > She runs a hoof through her mane
  646. > "I, I really couldn't, it would be appropriate for a mare in my position to..."
  647. > While she speaks you swagger up to her, her nose dipping to sniff at your package
  648. > Cheerilee coughs
  649. > "Mayor Mare, we are the moral council. It is our obligation to..."
  650. > You slide your boxers down your hips just a bit
  651. > The teacher licks her lips
  652. > "Make sure Anon is, ah,"
  653. > You pull your boxers down a bit more, your tip just barely peeking out
  654. > Applejack swallows
  655. "You know, I'm going to feel pretty weird, going around without any clothes. I would really appreciate anything you mares could suggest to make me feel better."
  656. > Mayor Mare pants heavily, quivering before you
  657. > Applejack wobbles over, a determined look in her eye
  658. > "Anon, enough with the fancy talk. Let's make like wagon on the road and rut."
  659. > And so you did
  661. ----------------
  664. > Be Seashell, scoping out the Chocolate Milk Bar
  665. > For some reason, Princess Sparkle is banned from here
  666. > That's good for you, you never got along with her that well
  667. > Probably because you...
  668. > You're dumb
  669. > Even momma and poppa think so
  670. > You remember-
  671. > Oh wait
  672. > Hot colt over coming your way
  673. > Fluff the tuft, Seashell, colts like that
  674. "You here for the chocolate milk?"
  675. > No, that was dumb, you are-
  676. > "Good guess. Any recommendations?"
  677. > The skinny minotaur smiles at you
  678. > You blush
  679. "Well, I like the strawberry chocolate milk. It's like real strawberry and chocolate, but milk. It's really good."
  680. > He nods and waves at the bartender
  681. > "Strawberry and chocolate please."
  682. > He listened!
  683. > Most ponies don't even ask you about stuff
  685. > You lick your lips
  686. "My name's Seashell. What's yours?"
  687. > The bartender sets the glass in front of the colt
  688. > He leans casually against the counter, his whole attention on you
  689. > "I'm Anonymous. You can call me Anon.
  691. --------------------
  694. > Be Anon, newly arrived citizen of smallhorseland
  695. > The local comaraderie czarina explained things to you, about their culture and things
  696. > Apparently you are supposed to by the woman here
  697. > When in Rome, you guess
  698. > Which brings you to your hot chocolate party
  699. > It's kinda nice just sitting around a table while rain patters against your window, talking with friends
  700. > The mares all make some attempt at polite conversation, but you can see them eyeing your chest
  701. > Eyes up here, ladies
  702. "And then they made me their chef. Speaking of which, I think the cake is ready, I'll go get it."
  703. > You stand up, towering over the waist high ponies, and stride away, swaying your hips for fun
  704. > If you are going to be the woman, you might as well go all the way
  705. > You listen while you busy yourself with the fridge
  706. > "I'd like a bite of his cake, if you know what I'm saying!"
  707. > Oh blitzkrieg blue, you scoundrel
  708. > "Rainbow Dash, how terribly uncouth. What if he hears?"
  709. > Too late, low catch rate
  710. > You are somewhat proud of how the cheesecake turned out
  711. > Only a little cracking on the top which you had covered with a nice layer of blackberry jam
  712. > You turn around, and almost bump into Furatta Shiai, beastmaster ninja
  713. > She looks you strait in the pectorals
  714. > "Do you need any help with that? It looks awfully heavy..."
  715. > You chuckle
  716. "It's fine, this should be a..."
  717. > Pumped Precog's head whips around
  718. "Cakewalk."
  720. > Darlin Clementine winces
  721. > "Pinkie, Ah'd appreciate it if you kept it down some, alright?"
  722. > You put the cake down on the table and set about divvying it up
  723. > Captain Platonic accepts her plate
  724. > "Thank you, Anon. I'm sure you'll be a great husband one day, with cooking like this."
  725. > Her friends chuckle and echo her thanks
  726. "It's my moral obligation. No one should live without tasting cheesecake at least once in their life. Now, let's eat!"
  727. > You smile at how quickly they devour the dessert
  728. > You take small bites yourself, making small, somewhat exaggerated noises of pleasure
  729. > You can feel their glances on you, but you focus on your slice of cake
  730. > You take a larger forkful this time, and make a shuddering moan as you chew
  731. > All other sounds of eating stop
  732. > You cover your cheeks with your hands, pretending to be embarrassed
  733. "Oh I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me just now."
  734. > Purple Corkscrew gives you a strained smile, her fair face flushed in arousal
  735. > "Think nothing of it, dear. We're glad to hear how much you enjoy this treat you made for us."
  736. > Nods all around
  737. > You smile shyly
  738. "I guess I can let loose a little, we are friends after all."
  739. > Rainbow Pride grins suggestively
  740. > "Yeah, colt. Go on and let loose on us all."
  741. > She receives glares from the more polite and/or subtle mares, but ignores them
  742. > Meanwhile, you take another bite, lean back, and groan like a bad porn actress
  743. > You squirm and clutch at your chest, groping your pectoral
  744. >
  746. ---------------
  749. > Be Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship, Palhoncho, Tomodachi Taichou, and First Speaker of Acquaintances
  750. > You had adapted to the wings, the responsibility, even the crystal castle that made you feel like a tiny little toy
  751. > Then your big brother babysitter banger best friend forever found he could no longer live with a certain tenant, and shipped him ponyvilleward
  752. > Something about stealth mode
  753. > You are getting some suspicions about what that something was
  754. "Neigh! Neigh! Anon, where are you? Neigh!"
  755. >
  757. -------------------
  760. > Be Anon, studying for Equestrian citizenship
  761. > Mares telling you they'll herd with you so you can be naturalized automatically
  762. > Nice try
  763. > At any rate, you thought you'd get some dull history text and such, but it turns out that Princess Sunbum personally wrote the book
  764. > So you end up reading a series of memoirs of a political leader about various developments as they happened
  765. > Things like the Royal Fire Parchment Act, where some mare official tried to hide her corruption by burning the scrolls recording her crimes
  766. > The princess enchanted all the Canterlot letterhead so that when it burned, it teleported to her
  767. > While she was collecting evidence this way, she also got a fair few rough drafts before the final report was sent, so she just codified it as priority message service afterward
  768. > Neat stuff like that
  769. > Then there's the cake tax, and
  770. > No, that can't be right
  771. > You check the time
  772. > Court should be over, should be okay to ask her about it
  773. > You stroll down the hallways, nodding to the maids and courtiers as they pass
  774. > As you got closer to Celestia's private chambers, the stares grew more inquisitive, and whispers followed in your wake
  775. > Things like "new courtesan" or "30 minutes!", whatever that is about
  776. > You stop a short distance from the two mares guarding the door
  777. "Hey, could you let the Princess know I'm here? I have a question about some of the citizenship test's content."
  778. > One of the mares nods and slips inside
  779. > You wait patiently, stretching after being in a pony-sized chair all morning
  780. > You groan as your muscles lose some of their ache, breathing deep, relaxing breaths
  781. > For some reason the mare in front of you is blushing, not quite meeting your eyes
  782. "Oh, is my fly unzipped?"
  783. > You look down, but no, you're good
  784. > The mare's eyes are getting a little shaky, trying not to look at something at about waist height...
  785. > Abruptly, the door opens and the other guard returns to her post
  786. > Celestia pokes her head out, takes in the situation, and smirks
  787. > "If you are quite done tormenting poor Primary Response, I can answer your question."
  788. > Tormenting?
  789. > You shrug
  790. "Alright. I was reading about the cake tax, and I think one of your printers had a bit of fun at your expense. The book says that you control the sun by keeping your flanks full and bounteous, the mass of your flanks sufficient to form a thaumo-sympathetic link with it. Rather poor taste for a joke, in my opinion."
  791. > She smiles at you
  792. > "Yes, I'm familiar with that passage. Now, where is the mockery? Is it just after that?"
  793. > ...
  794. "You mean to tell me, that you really do eat five cakes a day, to maintain the caloric intake to keep your rump plump enough to move the sun?"
  795. > Celestia nods
  796. > "The calories also help offset the magic drain from keeping the spell going. Luna has a similar routine for the moon, if smaller in scale, and using the candy from Nightmare Night."
  797. > ...
  798. "No joke?"
  799. > "I am quite serious. I wouldn't worry too much about the ins and outs of magic, though. The test is mostly about civic matters."
  800. "Gotcha. Thanks, Celestia, this was a...learning experience."
  801. > She smiles
  802. > "Of course. Oh, and when you get to eclipses, come to me again, I'll have a special demonstration for you."
  803. > You raise your eyebrows
  804. "Well alright, looking forward to it. See you around, Sunbeam."
  805. > "Until then, Anon."
  806. > She retreats into her quarters, leaving you standing in front of two gobsmacked guards
  807. > That's odd
  808. > What's so surprising?
  809. "Did I miss something? Is it the nickname?"
  810. > They glance at each other
  811. > Finally, Primary Response turns her reddened face towards you
  812. > "Eclipses are, ah, a highly personal event for her majesty. There haven't been any since she captured the Dragon Prince two hundred years ago."
  813. > Some sort of war thing?
  814. > Capturing a prince...
  815. > Hold on, you need to reimagine this
  816. > A powerful king captures an exotic princess and...
  817. > You grin
  818. > The other mare nods her head, a wry smile on her face
  819. > "Congratulations."
  820. "Thanks. Well, I'd best be reading, maybe I'll get the bit on eclipses soon."
  821. > You saunter off to your little study area, humming happily to yourself
  823. > Be Primary Response, several days later
  824. > It's so hard keeping watch when the sun keeps flickering on and off
  825. > What you wouldn't give to be a certain princess right now
  827. --------------------
  830. Combine this with no magical aura/object permanence
  832. > Be Scripted Event, keeper of the Royal schedule
  833. > You were just getting to the draconic ambassador's request for an audience when
  834. > The royal sisters' heads jerk upward, scowling
  835. > You pause in your duties, laying the quill aside
  836. "Something the matter, your majesties?"
  837. > Celestia frowns
  838. > "Anonymous is being naughty again, but I can't find him."
  839. > Luna licks her lips
  840. > "We would never k- never mind. Continue, Events. It does not matter."
  841. > You slowly nod, forever grateful to be a mere earthpony
  842. > "It seems there is an extensive gem cavern just off our coast, and-"
  843. > Luna leaps out of her seat, looking around frantically
  844. > "I know you are there, Anonymous! Do not underestimate the power of the Diumvirate!"
  845. > Celestia looks around anxiously, but calms down slowly
  846. > "Sister, it is a ruse. He is not within the castle, our guards would have apprehended him."
  847. > Luna grudgingly returns to her seat
  848. > "He uses his masculine wiles too well, sister. No pony is safe."
  849. > You sigh
  850. > There is little more that will be done this meeting, you are sure
  851. "Your majesties, if we would return to the offshore gem deposit, the Dragon Ambassador would like to negotiate mining rights and a proper tribute for the incursion. Please think on it, and I'll set the audience for the afternoon two days from today. Is that acceptable?"
  852. > Celestia focuses on you, her ears swiveling vigilantly
  853. > "Yes, that will do. Thank you, Event."
  854. > Then she stiffens, nostrils flaring
  855. > Luna does the same, and they disappear in twin flashes of light
  856. > ...
  857. > You peruse behind the curtains along the walls, and find nothing
  858. > Then you hear something softly land on the floor behind you, an immense presence
  859. > You slowly turn your head to see the hulking form of the Sisters' Scourge
  860. > Rumor has it the Gryphon Empire hired him to disrupt the Monarchy
  861. > Others say it was Labyrinthia, or the Cloud Gremlin Alchemist's Guild
  862. > As he pounces on you, you suspect nopony hired him
  863. > He just enjoys tormenting mares
  864. > As the first wave of belly rubs rocks your mind and body, you hear him whisper
  865. > "Not a word of this to the rumps on high."
  866. > You are about to protest, but then he nuzzles your tuft, fingers digging and rubbing at your sides
  867. > You whimper in fear and arousal
  868. "Not a word."
  869. > "Good."
  870. > With surprising gentleness, he caresses your forehooves, pecking you lightly on the cheek
  871. > And then, just as soon as he arrived, he departs, leaving you shivering and feverishly warm on the floor
  873. ------------------
  876. > Be Sotharia, third circle descendant
  877. > Not for the first time, you wish you had manifested as an incubus, they get summoned all the time
  878. > But no, you are a pony succubus for a world that is 80% mares
  879. > The chances of you-
  880. > Whoa!
  881. > You feel a tug on your spine, and you follow it gladly
  882. > You rise from a circle, red smoke billowing around you
  883. > You strike a seductive pose for your summoner, who is a...
  884. > "Huh, it actually worked."
  885. > Minotaur? Thing?
  886. > You don't see any teats, so today is your lucky eon
  887. "Yessssssss, I have answered your call. What is your name, succulent morsel?"
  888. > He flips through a book with his delicate fingers
  889. > "Hold on, there's a bit before that. Ah, here it is. By the tree and stone, I abjure thee to bind thyself with thy name."
  890. > Drat, first time summoners are usually too flustered to get it right
  891. "Very well, I bind myself to your will in the name Sotharia."
  892. > He smiles at you
  893. > "That's a pretty name."
  894. "Th-thanks."
  895. > What is with this colt?
  896. > "Okay, next is, By my will and might, I bind you in my name, Anonymous. But you can call me Anon."
  897. > Well, so much for running rampant this time around
  898. > Still, you have a job to do
  899. "You have done well in binding me, master Anon. What do you say we enjoy the fruits of your competence?"
  900. > He sits down on a couch, grinning
  901. > "Yeah, do what you like. I want to see what succubi do for foreplay."
  902. > You walk towards him, your hips swaying, your eyes and smile sultry
  903. > You hop up onto the couch and lean against his shoulder
  904. > Sulfur and Stars, this colt is tall
  905. > And deliciously warm
  906. > You slide a hoof down his arm, until you are holding his hand
  907. > You gaze up at his no doubt flustered fa-
  908. > He tilts his head
  909. > "Was that supposed to be lewd?"
  910. > He gives your hoof a squeeze
  911. > Your legs buckle beneath you as a wave of heat crashes inside you
  912. "B-buck yeah, you lewd colt, squeeze my hoof again!"
  913. > Master Anon is frowning now
  914. > "Is that all?"
  915. > You nuzzle his shoulder, mind fuzzy from all the energy you are drinking up
  916. "Mmmm, if you want more..."
  917. > You lift your muzzle
  918. > And give him a peck on the cheek!
  919. > The few stallions you've had all crumpled at this stage, but this colt, this colt
  920. > "Looks like I'll have to do things myself."
  921. > What does he mean by th-
  922. > His lips meet yours, pressing and parting
  923. > A hot, greedy tongue invades your mouth
  924. > His desire pours into you, hotter than the fires of Tartarus
  925. > You moan weakly, returning the kiss as best you can
  926. > Then a hand slides over your hip, grasping at your flank, and you can think no more
  928. > Be Anon
  929. > This succubus thing is kinda disappointing
  930. > A little frenching and an assgrab, and she's out cold
  931. > At least she's got a cute smile
  932. > Still, you'd feel weird about sexing up an unconscious girl, uh, mare
  933. > Time to talk to the manager
  935. > And thus Anon fed the entire succubus population
  937. -----------------
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