The Golden Rule (Article 1): Bros before ho's.

Article 2: A Bro is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his Bros are doing it.

Article 3: If a Bro gets a dog, it must be at least as tall as his knee when full-grown.


Article 4: A Bro never divulges the existence of the Bro Code to a woman. It is a sacred document not to be shared
           with chicks for any reason...no, not even that reason.


Article 5: Whether he cares about sports or not, a Bro cares about sports.


Article 6: A Bro shall not lollygag if he must get naked in front of other Bros in a gym locker room.


Article 7: A Bro never admits he can't drive stick. Even after an accident.


Article 8: A Bro never sends a greeting card to another Bro.


Article 9: Should a Bro lose a body part due to an accident or illness, his fellow Bros will not make lame jokes
           such as "Gimme three!" or "Wow, quitting your job like that really took a lot of ball." It's still a
           high five that Bro still has a lot of balls...metaphorically speaking, of course.


Article 10: A Bro will drop whatever he's doing and rush to help his Bro dump a chick.


Article 11: A Bro may ask his Bro(s) to help him move, but only after first disclosing an honest estimate on both
            time commitment and number of large pieces of furniture. If the Bro has vastly underestimated either,
            his Bros retain the right to leave his possessions where they are-in most cases,stuck in a doorway.


Article 12: Bros do not share dessert.


Article 13: All Bros shall dub one of their Bros his wingman.


Article 14: If a chick inquires about another Bro's sexual history, a Bro shall honor the Brode Of Silence and play
            dumb. Better to have women think all men are stupid than to tell the truth.


Article 15: A Bro never dances with his hands above his head.


Article 16: A Bro should be able, at any time, to recite the following reigning champions: Super Bowl, World Series
            and Playmate of the Year.


Article 17: A Bro shall be kind and courteous to his co-workers, unless they are beneath him on the Pyramid of
            Screaming.


Article 18: If a Bro spearheads a beer run at a party, he is entitle to an excess monies accrued after canvassing
            the group.


Article 19: A Bro shall not sleep with another Bro's sister. However, a Bro shall not get angry if another Bro says
            "Bro, your sister's hot!"


Article 20: A Bro respects his Bros in the military because they've selflessly chosen to defend the nation, but
            more to the point, because they can kick his ass six ways to Sunday.


Article 21: A Bro never shares observations about another Bro's smoking-hot girlfriends. Even if the Bro with the
            hot girlfriend attempts to bait the Bro by sayin, "She;s smoking-hot,huh?" a Bro shall remain silent,
            because in this situation, he's the only one who should be baiting.


Article 22: There is no law that prohibits a woman from being a Bro.


Article 23: When flipping through TV channels with his Bros, a Bro is not allowed to skip past a program featuring
            boobs. This includes, but is not limited to, exercise shows, womens's athletics, and on some occasions,
            surgery programs.


Article 24: When wearing a baseball cap, a Bro may position the brim at either 12 or 6 o'clock. All other angles are
            reserved for rappers and the handicapped.


Article 25: A Bro doesn't let another Bro get a tattoo, particularly a tattoo of a girl's name.

Article 26: Unless he has children, a Bro shall not wear his cell phone on a belt clip.

Article 27: A Bro never removes his shirt in front of other Bros, unless at a resort pool or the beach.

Article 28: A Bro will, in a timely manner, alert his Bro to the existence of a girl fight.

Article 29: If two Bros decide to catch a movie together, they may not attend a screening that begins after 4:40PM.
            Also, despite the cost savings, they shall not split a tub of popcorn, choosing instead to procure
            individual bags.

Article 30: A Bro doesn't comparison shop.

Article 31: When on the prowl, a Bro hits on the hottest chick first because you just never know.

Article 32: A Bro doesn't all another Bro to get married until he's at least thirty.

Article 33: When in a public restroom, a Bro (1) stares straight ahead when using the urinal; (2) makes the
            obligatory comment, "What is this, a chicks' restroom?" if there are more than two dudes waiting
            to pee; and (3) attempts to shoot his used paper towel into trash can like a basketball...rebounding is
            optional.

Article 34: Bros cannot make eye contact during a devil's threeway. (Two Bros)

Article 35: A Bro never rents a chick flick.

Article 36: When questioned in the company of women, a Bro always decries fake breasts.

Article 37: A Bro is under no obligation to open a door for anyone. Is a woman insist on having their own
            professional basketball league, then they can open their own doors. Honestly, they're not that heavy.

Article 38: Even in a fight to the death, a Bro never punches another Bro in the groin.

Article 39: When a Bro gets a chick's number, he waits at least ninety-six hours before calling her.

Article 40: Should a Bro become stricken with engagement, his Bros shall stage an intervention and attempt to heal
            him. This is more commonly know as "a bachelor party."

Article 41: A Bro never cries.   !Exceptions: Watching Field of Dreams, E.T. or a sports legend retires.

Article 42: Upon greeting another Bro, a Bro may engage in a high five, fist bump, or a Bro hug, but never a full
            embrace.

Article 43: A Bro loves his country, unless that country isn't America.

Article 44: A Bro never applies sunscreen to another Bro.

Article 45: A Bro never wears jeans to a strip club.

Article 46: If a Bro is seated next to some dude who's stuck in the middle seat on an airplan, he shall yield him
            all of their shared armrest, unless the dude has (a) taken his shoes off, (b) is snoring, (c) makes the
            Bro get up more than once to use the lavatory, or (d) purchased headphones after they announced the
            in-flight movie is 27 Dresses, See articles 35.

Article 47: A Bro never wears pink. Not even in Europe.

Article 48: A Bro never publicly reveals how many chicks he or another Bro has banged.

Article 49: When asked, "Do you need some help?" a Bro shall automatically respond, "I got it," whether or not he's
            actually got it. !Exceptions: Carrying an expensive TV, parallel parking and expensive car, or loading
            and expensive TV into an expensive car.

Article 50: If a Bro should accidentally strike another Bro's undercarriage with his arm while walking, both Bros
            silently agree to continue on as if it never happened.

Article 51: A Bro checks out another Bro's blind date and reports back with a thunbs-up or thumbs-down.

Article 52: A Bro is not required to remember another Bro's birthday, though a phone call every now and again
            probably wouldn't kill him.

Article 53: Even in a drought, a Bro flushes twice.

Article 54: A Bro is required to go out with his Bros on St. Patty's Day and other official Bro holidays, including
            Halloween, New Year's Eve, and Desperation Day (February 13).

Article 55: Even in an emergency that requires a tourniquet, a Bro never borrows from or lends clothes to another
            Bro.

Article 56: A Bro is required to alert another Bro is the Bro/Chick Ratio at a praty falls below 1:1. However, to
            avoid Broflation, a Bro is only allowed to alert on Bro. Further, a Bro may not speculate on the
            anticipated Bro/Chick Ratio of a party or a venue without first disclosing the present-time observed
            ratio.

Article 57: A Bro never reveals the score of a sporting event to another Bro unless that Bro has thrice confirmed
            he wants to hear it.

Article 58: A Bro doesn't grow a mustache. !Exceptions: Tom Selleck.

Article 59: A Bro must always post bail for another Bro, unless it's out of state or, like, crazy expensive.

Article 60: A Bro shall honor thy father and mother, for they were once Bro and chick. However, a Bro never thinks
            of them in that capacity.

Article 61: If a Bro, for whatever reason, becomes aware of another Bro's anniversary with a chick, he shall
            endeavor to make this information available to his Bro, regardless of whether he thinks his Bro already
            knows.

Article 62: In the event that two Bros lock on to the same target, the Bro who calls dibs first has dibs. If both
            dibs at the same time, the Bro who counts aloud to ten the fastest has dibs. If both arrive at the
            number ten at the same time, the Bro who bought the last round of drinks has dibs. If they haven't
            purchased drinks yet, the taller of the two Bros has dibs. If they're the same height, the Bro with the
            longer dry spell has dibs. Shoudl the dry spells be of equal length, a game os discreet Broshambo shall
            determine dibs, provided the chick is still there.

Article 63: A Bro will make any and all efforts to provide his Bro with protection.

Article 64: A Bro must provide his Bro with a ticket to and event if said event involves the latter Bro's favorite
            sports team in a playoff scenario.

Article 65: A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drinks among Bros. !Exceptions: A Bro is off the hook if his
            Bro orders a drink that arrives with an umbrella in it.

Article 66: If a Bro suffers pain due to the permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, his Bro
            shall offer no more than a "that sucks,bro" and copious quantities of beer. To eliminate the
            possibility of any awkward moments in the future, his Bros shall also refrain for any pejorative
            commentary-deserved or not-regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the requisite
            backslide window has fully closed.

Article 67: Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out that he is a
            tool.

Article 68: If a Bro be on a hot streak, another Bro will do everything possible to ensure its longevity, even if
            that includes jeopardizing his own personal records, the missing of work, or, if necessary, generating
            a realistic fear that the end of the world is imminent. !Exceptions: Dry spell trumps hot streak.

Article 69: Duh.

Article 70: A Bro will drive another Bro to the airport or pick him up, but never both for the same trip. He is not
            expected to be on time, help with luggage, or inquire about his Bro's trip or general well-being.

Article 71: As a courtesy to Bros the world over, a Bro never brings more than two other Bros to a party.

Article 72: A Bro never spell-checks.

Article 73: When a group of Bros are in a restaurant, each shall engage in the time-honored ritual of jockeying to
            pay the bill, regardless of affordability. When the group ultimately decides to divide the check, each
            Bro shal act upset rather than enormously relieved.

Article 74: At a red light, a Bro inches as close as possible to the rear bumper of the car in front of him, and
            immediately honks his horn when the light turns green. That way, if another Bro is several cars behind,
            he'll have a better chance of making it through the intersection before the light turns red again.

Article 75: A Bro automatically enhances another Bro's job description when introducing him to a chick.

Article 76: If a Bro is on the phone with a chick while in front of his Bros and, for whatever reason, desires to
            say "I love you," he shall first excuse himself from the room or emply a subsonic, Barry White-esque
            tone.

Article 77: Bros don't cuddle. !Exceptions: NONE!

Article 78: A Bro shall never rack jack' his wingman.

Article 79: At a wedding, Bros shall reluctantly trudge out for the garter toss and feign interest for the benefit
            of the chicks present. Whichever Bro gets stuck with the garter shall lightheartedly pretend he's not
            horrified at the thought of being the next one to drop before scurrying to the bar for a very stiff
            drink and/or shots.

Article 80: A Bro shall make every effort to aid another Bro in riding the tricycle, short of completing the
            tricycle himself.

Article 81: A Bro leaves the toilet seat up for his Bros.

Article 82: If two Bros get into a heated argument over something and one says something out of line, the other
            not expect him to "take it back" or "apologize" to make amends. That's inhuman.

Article 83: A Bro shall, at all costs, honor the Platinum Rule: Never, ever, ever, ever "love" thy neighbor. In
            particular, a Bro shall never mix it up romantically with a co-worker. !Exceptions: (1) Co-worker is an
            eight or better. (2) You are co-worker's superior. (3) Co-worker dresses a little slutty. (4) Company recently sued for sexual harassment-unlikely to happen
            again. (6) You are switching floors soon. (7) You and co-worker get stuck in elevator.

Article 84: A Bro shall stop whatever he's doing and watch Die Hard, The Shawshank Redemption, Top Gun, The Big
            Lebowski, the first half of Full Metal Jacket, or porn if it's on TV.

Article 85: If a Bro buys a new car, he is required to pop the hood when showing it off to his Bros.

Article 86: When a Bro meets a chick, he shall endeavor to find out where she fits on the Hot/Crazy Scale before
            pursuing her.

Article 87: A Bro never questions another Bro's stated golf score, maximum bench press, or height. He can, however,
            ask the Bro to prove it, traditionally in the form of a wager.

Article 88: If a Bro, for whatever reason, must drive another Bro's car, he shall not adjust the preprogrammed
            radio stations, the mirrors, or the seat position, even if this last requirement results in the Bro
            trying to drive the vehicle as a giant praying mantis would.

Article 89: A Bro shall always say yes in support of a Bro.

Article 90: A Bro shows up at another Bro's party with at least one more unit of alcohol than he plans to drink. So
            if a Bro plans on chugging a six-pack, he shall bring a six-pack plus at least one can of beer. If the
            party sucks and/or there are too many dude, the Bro is entitled to leave with his alcohol, though
            etiquette dictates he should wait until nobody is looking.

Article 91: If a group of Bros suspect that their Bro is trying to give himself a nickname, they shall rally to
            call him by an adjacent yet more demeaning nickname.

Article 92: A Bro keeps his booty calls at a safe distance.

Article 93: Bros don't speak French to one another.

Article 94: If a Bro is in a bathroom and runs out of toilet paper, another Bro may toss him a new roll, but at no
            point may their hands touch or the door open more than 30 degrees.

Article 95: A Bro shall alert another Bro to the presence of a chesty woman, regardless of whether or not he knows
            the Bro. Such alerts may not be administered verbally.

Article 96: Bros shall go camping once a year, or at least attempt to start a fire. !Note: Attempt to start a fire
            outside.

Article 97: Where a Bro went to college is going to kick his Bro's college's ass all over the field this weekend.

Article 98: A Bro never lies to his Bros about the hotness of chicks at a given social venue or event.

Article 99: A Bro never asks for directions when lost.

Article 100: When pulling up to a stoplight, a Bro lowers his window so that all might enjoy his music selection.

Article 101: If a Bro asks another Bro to keep a secret, he shall take that secret to his grave. This is what makes
             them Bros, not chicks.

Article 102: A Bro shall take great care in selecting and training his wingman.

Article 103: A Bro never wears socks with sandals. He commits to one cohesive footgear plan and sticks with it.

Article 104: The mom of a Bro is always off-limits. But the stepmom is a Bro is fair game if she initiates and/or
             is wearing at least one article of leopard print clothing...provided she looks good in it...but not if
             she smokes menthol cigarettes.

Article 105: If a Bro is not invited to another Bro's wedding, he doesn't make a big deal out of it, even if, let's
             face it, he was kind of responsible for setting up the couple and had already picked out the perfect
             wedding gift and everything. It's cool. No big whoop.

Article 106: Given an option on quantity when ordering a beer with his Bros, a Bro always selects the largest size
             available or shall never hear the end of it that night.

Article 107: A Bro never leaves another Bro hanging.

Article 108: If a Bro forgets a guy's name, he may call him "brah," "dude," or "man," but never "Bro."

Article 109: When Bros attend a sporting event and see themselves on the JumboTron, they shall purse their lips and
             flex their biceps while informing the crowd that their team is number one, despite any objective
             rankings to the contrary.

Article 110: If a Bro is hitting it off with a chick, his Bro shall do anything within his means to ensure the
             desired outcome.

Article 111: If a Bro discovers another Bro has forgotten to sign out of his email, the Bro will sign out for him,
             but only after first sending a few angry emails to random contacts and then deleting all sent messages.

Article 112: A Bro doesn't sing along to music in a bar. !Exception : A Bro may participate in karaoke.
             !!Exception To Exception: No chick songs.

Article 113: A Bro abides by the accepted age-diffrence formula when pursuing a younger chick
             !Formula: x< or = to y/2+7     x= chick's age; y= Bro's age

Article 114: If a Bro must crash on his Bro's couch for an extended period of time, he shall offer to split the
             cost of toilet paper and the cable bill if said period exceeds two weeks. If he stays longer than a
             month, he shall offer to contribute some rent. If he stays longer than two months, he shall steam
             clean the couch or have it incinerated, whichever is more applicable.

Article 115: A "clothing optional" beach doesn't really mean "clothing optional" for Bros.

Article 116: A Bro shall not kill another Bro or a Bro's chances to score with a chick.

Article 117: A Bro never willingly relinquishes possession of a remote control. If another Bro desires a channel
             change, he may verbally request one or engage in the fool's errand of getting up to manually change
             the channel.

Article 118: When a Bro is with his Bros, he is not a vegetarian.

Article 119: When three Bros must share the backseat of a car, it is unacceptable for any Bro to put his arm around
             another Bro to increase space. Likewise, it is unacceptable for two Bros to share a motorcycle, unless
             said motorcycle is equipped with a sidecar...a Brotorcycle.

Article 120: A Bro always calls another Bro by his last name.

Article 121: Even if he's never skied before, a Bro doesn't trifle with the bunny slope.

Article 122: A Bro is always psyches. Always.

Article 123: Two Bros shall maintain at least a three-foot radius between them while dancing on the same floor,even
             when reenacting the knife fight from "Beat It," which, I guess, two Bros shouldn't do anyway, or at
             least not very often.

Article 124: If a Bro should shoot an air ball, strike out while playing baseball, or throw a gutter ball while
             Browling, he is required to make some sort of excuse for himself.

Article 125: If a Bro is driving ahead of another Bro in a Bro Train, he is required to attempt to lose him in
             traffic as a funny joke.

Article 126: In a scenario where two or more Bros are watching entertainment of the adult variety, on Bro is
             forbidden from intentionally or unintentionally touching another Bro in ANY capacity. This may include
             but is not limited to: the high-five, the fist bump, or the congratulatory gluteal pat. Winking is
             also kind of a no-no.

Article 127: A Bro will always help another Bro reconstruct the events from the previous night, unless those events
             entail hooking up with an ugly chick or the Bro repeatedly saying "I love you, man" to all his Bros.

Article 128: A Bro never wears two articles of clothing at the same time that bear the same school name, vacation
             destination, or sports team. Even in a laundry emergency, it's preferred that a Bro go out half naked
             rather than  violate this code...half naked from the waist up, naturally.

Article 129: If a Bro lends another Bro a DVD, video game, or piece of lawn machinery, he shall not expect to ever
             get it back, unless his Bro happens to die and bequeath it back to him.

Article 130: If a Bro learns another Bro has been in a traffic accident, he must first ask what type of car he
             collided with and whether it got totaled before asking if his Bro is okay.

Article 131: While a Bro is not expected to know exactly how to change a tire, he is required to at least drag out
             the jack and stare at the flat for a while. If he needs to consult the car's ownership manual to
             locate the jack, he shall do so from inside the car, where he is not visible to passerby and where he
             can discreetly call a tow truck, after which it is recommended that he hide the jack by the side of
             the road so he'll have a legitimate excuse when the tow truck arrives.

Article 132: If a Bro decides to let all of his Bros down and get married, he is required to invite them to the
             wedding, even if this directly violates the wishes of his fiancee and results in a "no sex" penalty or
             whatever lame domestic punishment couples might employ.

Article 133: A Bro only claims a fart after first accusing at least one other Bro. !Exception: "Pull my finger."

Article 134: A Bro is entitled to use a woman as his wingman.

Article 135: If a scenario arises in which a Bro has promised two of his Bros permanent shotgun, one of the
             following shall determine the copilot: (1) foot race to the car, (2) silent auction, or in the case of
             a road trip exceeding 450 miles, (3) a no-holds-barred cage match to the death.

Article 136: When interrogated by a girlfriend about a bachelor party, a Bro shall offer nothing more than an
             uninterested "It was okay."

Article 137: When hosting, a Bro orders enough pizza for all his Bros. !The Pizza Equation: P=3b/8   p= number of
             pizzas(rounded up to the nearest integer)   b = number of Bros(including yourself)

Article 138: A real Bro doesn't laugh when a guy gets hit in the groin.

Article 139: Regardless of veracity, a Bro never admits familiarity with a Broadway show or musical, despite the
             fact that, yes, "Broadway" begins with "Bro."

Article 140: A Bro reserves the right to simply walk away during the first five minutes of a date. (aka. The Lemon
             Law)

Article 141: A Bro can only get a manicure if (a) he's trying to sleep with the hot Asian woman performing the
             manicure, or (b) it's been longer than a month since his last manicure. It's called the Bro code, not
             the Slob Code.

Article 142: A Bro shall seek no revenge if he passes out around his Bros and wakes up to find marker all over his
             face.

Article 143: When executing a high five, a Bro is forbidden from intertwining fingers or grasping his Bro's hand.

Article 144: It is unacceptable for two Bros to share a hotel bed without first exhausting all couch, cot, and
             pillows-on-floor combinations. If it's still unavoidable, they shall prevent and accidental spoonage
             by arm wrestling to determine who sleeps under the covers. Once decided, each Bro shall don as many
             lower layers as possible before silently fist bumping the other Bro good night.

Article 145: A Bro is never offended if another Bro fails to return a phone call, text, or email in a timely
             fashion.

Article 146: A Bro refrains from usuing too much detail when relating sexual exploits to his Bros.

Article 147: If a Bro sees another Bro get into a fight, he immediately has his Bro's back.

Article 148: A Bro doesn't listen to chick music...in front of other Bros. When alone, a Bro may listen to,say, a
             Sarah McLachlan album or two, but only to gain valuable insights into the female psyche, not because
             he finds her melodies tragically haunting yet curiously uplifting at the same time.

Article 149: A Bro pretends to understand and enjoy cigars.

Article 150: No sex with your Bro's ex.