YOU ARE NOW TALKING TO A RANDOM FUCKASS. SAY SOMETHING, ASSHOLE!

Roxy: [[ Humanstuck, warning for NSFW and age-difference. Any male canon character is welcome. ]] Roxy Lalonde kicked the front door shut behind her as she entered the large sprawling house that she’d recently started calling home. “I’m home!” She called out to no one in particular, kicking her shoes off and tossing them near the door before dragging her bag to the kitchen. Her car keys were tossed onto the counter and her bag deposited on the kitchen table so she could go rifle around in the refrigerator for food. All the while, she kept her ears open just in case her mother was home (what a fat chance that was) or her new stepfather was home early and doing work in his office. Roxy got out things to make a sandwich, frowning as she thought about her stepfather. She called him by his given name of course, and never ‘Dad’ or any nickname like that. She was nearly eighteen for God’s sakes. And yet, she mused, the fact that she was barely an adult didn’t keep him from staring. Especially when she’d spent so much time out by the pool during the summer. Shaking her head, Roxy finished making her sandwich and stole a bottle of gin before going to curl up in front of the TV and watch old soap operas. Ah, what a glamourous life. She stretched out on the couch. Half the bottle gone later Roxy was asleep on the couch, stretched out with her shirt rucked half-way up her stomach.

Dave: ((Sorry for the slow reply, I was tabbed when it connected because it took forever to reconnect to someone; so Alpha Dave is good?))

Roxy: [[ Yup! ]]

Dave: ((Alright, cool deal, I'll work something up.))

Roxy: [[ Thank you!!]]

Dave: The clamor that Roxy made was barely audible to Dave over the sound coming through the overly large studio headphones that were wrapped around his ears. Playing with the sound filters for his latest ironically shitty "It Keeps Happening in 3D" to get the perfect pitch that laid somewhere between nails grinding across a chalkboard and those little flute things that people played at soccer games. After masterfully finishing up, he cracked his knuckles and stood, loosely hanging the beforementioned headphones on the seat of his fancy work chair. He dug his hands into his pockets and made the trek over to the kitchen, instantly seeing the signs that someone was home. His shaded eyes scanned over to the elaborate counter to see the keys to his stepdaughter's car, making the obvious connection that it was her instead of his wife. Naturally after the fact, he made his way to the living room to view the scene of the sleeping girl and the half bottle; paying perhaps a little too much attention to her bare midriff. He thought for a few moments before nonchalantly clearing his throat in an attempt to rouse her from her slumber.

Roxy: One of Roxy's arms hung over the side of the couch and she was snoring. Just a bit. When her stepfather cleared his throat she only rolled over to bury her face further into the couch, flapping a hand behind her. "Nah. Gonna sleep five minutes more, Mom." She murmured, sighing and squirming before settling down much more. She was a heavy sleeper. Always had been and always would be. Quite possibly it was the reason why she was late to school one too many times. Oh well. Rolling back over her eyes cracked open just a bit and she grunted before covering her eyes with her arm. "Ugh."

Dave: Dave strolled over closer to the sleeping girl, trying to decide on a steady course of action. He confiscated what was left of the gin and reached out to place a rough hand on her warm arm, giving it a gentle shake to help coax her from the lulls of sleep that she was enveloped in. "Don't you think it's a little early to be drinking? By early I mean like three years. I was young too once but it's definitely not a wise idea to be hitting the sauce this soon. I won't tell your mom though, It can just be our little secret or something." There you go, Dave, way to assert authority as a parental type figure without seeming too uncool or anything like that. "So... yeah." He proceeded to stand there, waiting to see how she'd react.

Roxy: Roxy groggily listened to him, snickering slightly. Oh man, that 'I'm-a-parental-figure-but-I'm-totally-cool' act. Her friends thought he was cool already, being some bigshot near-celebrity but she thought otherwise. "It's never to early to drink." She replied, sitting up and rolling her eyes at him. "And that's totes not creepy. 'It can just be our little secret.' Damn." Reaching for the bottle again she ran a hand through her hair. "So....what's for dinner?"

Dave: Ah man, Dave mused, that probably did come off a little creepy. He casually flicked the bottle away from her grasp, using the speed and dexterity that came natural to him. "It isn't creepy, I'm just looking out for you. Plus your mother would absolutely kill me if I let that cat out of the bag that you were kicking back the alcohol." He figured that using a cat idiom would appeal to her, he knew the Lalonde women just loved them cats. "As far as dinner goes I could make something totally awesome like..." He trailed off for a second, figuring he could bluff his way through not actually having any culinary skills. "ordering Subway or something. Gotta eat healthy to stay healthy."

Roxy: She just snorted, especially at that cat pun, shaking her head at him and trying to reach for the bottle again. "Mom already knows. And she doesn't care. Why do you think the liquor cabinet isn't locked?" Ooo, Subway. The dinner of champions. "Yeah? I want a whooooole footlong for myself. Mm, a meatball footlong." Smirking she stood up, giving up on grabbing the bottle and just deciding to get another half empty one. "I'll be up in my room if you need me, dearest Dave." Batting her eyelashes and blowing him a kiss, Roxy swept into the dining room to rummage through the liquor cabinet.

Dave: A lesser man probably would have blushed at the kiss blow, but not Dave Strider. He tried his best to shake away the improper thoughts that he found himself having for his step-daughter from the suggestive way she acted. It was hard not to feel himself drift back to it though, she looked so much like her mother; the woman that he married and loved. The biggest difference was that Roxy's body was still in it's prime. He let out an almost silent sigh before calling Subway and ordering her the whole meatball footlong she wanted; and a chicken breast six inch for himself; gotta keep up with the protein intake. While the food was in transit he decided to polish off the remaining bottle of gin in his hands. If Rose didn't care then why should he be strict about drinking rules around the household? In what felt like minutes, he was answering the door for the delivery guy and exchanging money for food, realizing that they probably had this route pretty much memorized due to how frequently he ordered food to be delivered here when he was working alone. He looked at the kitchen table that still had Roxy's bag on it, deciding that hey if there's not going to be a rule about drinking then why should there be one about eating at the table, and after all she said she'd be in her room. He walked up and knocked on her door, still respecting her privacy with a short "Hey, food's here. Got your whoooooole footlong for you. Meatball."

Roxy: After acquiring the delicious substance, Roxy traipsed up to her room and booted up her computer. She uncorked the bottle and took a swig, tapping her foot to an invisible beat. As soon as the computer was booted up she logged onto Pesterchum and started up a webcam feed with her bff (and technical step-uncle but w/e) Dirk before hopping away to change her clothes. She chattered to him, stepping out of the dinky plaid skirt and white oxford shirt she and the other girls at the Saint Dolores Academy for Exceptional Young People were required to wear. That and the ever suffering blazer she had left in her car. Settling down in flannel pajama bottoms and an old t-shirt, Roxy made sure her headset was on. Just in case. By the time Dave was knocking on her door with the food, the bottle she'd brought upstairs was empty. And. She was feeling depressed. Notably because she'd been yammered to about the new lacrosse captain, Jake English, by Dirk AND Jane who'd messaged her asap. Jeez. There were better things to do than ogle at some loser on the lacrosse team. Perking up at the anticipation for her sandwich, Roxy plastered a smile on and threw open her door. "Yeah? Where is it? In bed?" She snorted a laugh at her own stupid joke, shaking her head as she reached for her sandwich bag.

Dave: Dave rolled his eyes at the joke, although this was a pretty futile gesture on his part since he was wearing his ever-present shades, although he decided to call her out on the joke regardless. "Yeah, Roxy, I got a footlong just for you and you can scope it in all its meaty glory on the bed. I don't know how you found out what I had in plan for you since I had that shit wrapped up tighter than a mummy." He complied in handing her the bag containing her food, suddenly feeling very overdressed as he looked her over and noticed her changed out clothes; still wearing his ironically over formal suit jacket and slacks.

Roxy: "Don't think Mom would be too happy with that." She smirked, taking the bag and looking into it. The aroma of meatballs and marinara sauce and cheese beckons her. Roxy groaned, moving to set the bag on the table before curtsying low to him. "Thank you, o wise and humblr paternal figure. Without out you I would starve." She slunk down into her chair and pointedly ignored the flashing of Pesterchum as she grabbed the bag to unwrap her sandwich, choosing to surf the web instad.

Dave: "You never know. I thought she'd be upset with you drinking but that got turned on it's side. Besides that's only if she knows, right?" He decided to push how far he could go with this. If it turns south he could always chalk it up to a bad ironic joke or something. "So this is your room, huh. I just realized I haven't exactly been in here since you set the place up your way." He peeked his head through the frame, looking around at the general theme of things. "Oh yeah, and you're welcome for the whole me keeping you from starving and being dead thing."

Roxy: Roxy swiveled around in her chair to watch him, in the middle of chomping down on her sandwich. "Keep it up. You're doing a better job than my mom." She smirked again around another bite of meatball. Sauce dribbled down onto her chin and she licked it up. "Yeah. I set it up the Ro-Lal way." With a nod she took another bite of her sandwich and wiped her mouth. "You know. You and Dirk aren't that different. Both of you are tall and lanky and know-it-all assholes." She was grinning again around the sandwich, eyes narrowing slightly to challenge Dave. In a away. "I wonder if you'd both be the same in the sack."

Dave: A shadow of a smirk flashes across Dave's face as she engages him in conversation in earnest. "Now are you implying that you've slept with my brother? Because I can assure you that everything he knows, I either taught him or I can do it better than he can." He was confident in his statement, as was tradition for Strider men to be competitive to push each other to greater heights. "Or maybe I'm misinterpreting what you're saying." He found himself walking into her room fully now, sitting down at the edge of her bed and unwrapping his own sandwich, taking a bite out of it while spreading his legs a little to accommodate for their length, and to assume the natural coolguy sitting pose.

Roxy: "Maybe I am." Her tone kept a sing-songy ring to it as she bit into her sandwich again and swung her legs. "Man, wouldn't you like to hear the story." Taking another bite she thoughtfully chews and swallows. "It wasn't anything special anyway. Just him experimenting and me bein' his loyal willing subject." Another bite of her sandwich and she ripped off a bit more than she usually chews, taking time to chew and swallow bit by bit. "I bet you have tricks you didn't even teach him. 'Cuz back then he was preeeetty bad." Roxy watched Dave take a sit on the edge of her bed. She sat up a bit straighter, still swinging her legs.

Dave: "Of course I didn't teach him everything. A master doesn't give away all his tricks right off the bat like that, it's just bad business. I mean you could always ask your mom though, she's a happy customer of the Strider deluxe package." He took another bite of his sammy, using his hand to cover his mouth as he chewed. "But yeah, Dirk never said a thing about you two at all, especially about you being a 'loyal, willing subject'." He takes a few seconds to take her in again, looking her up and down and monitoring her reaction as he spoke. "If we're going to speak about similarities though, I bet you'd be a lot like your mother; but probably a bit wilder, right? More energetic and lively."

Roxy: "Gross, don't talk about my mom." Roxy made a face from where she was wiping her mouth after demolishing six inches of sandwich. Looking down at the other half she made a face and wrapped it up for later before wiping her mouth. "I'm not surprised. He doesn't talk about me with anyone. Big weirdo." She rolled her eyes as she set her sandwich aside. Taking a moment she acknowledged the barrage of orange pestering and typed a sassy 'lol w/e ganna suck ur bros dick byeeeee <3333' before setting her status to away and swiveling back to face Dave. "Well, of course. I'm not uptight and reserved like she is. Plus, I'm young with lots of spunk left in me." She slid her hands over her thighs, tilting her head at him to watch him eat.

Dave: The first mom remark elicited a quiet snort from Dave as he watched her, trying not to pry too much at her computer screen. He was pretty sure he caught something about a dick but with his filter of his shades it was too blurry to make out perfectly. "Lots of spunk in you, huh? That's too easy to even make a bad ironic joke about." It was pretty obvious she chose her words carefully. He finished his sandwich as silently as he could, crumpling up the wrapper and setting the bag aside. "Seriously though, she is pretty reserved, I've tried to get her to loosen up but I guess you don't want to hear any of the sloppy details." His eyes trailed down to her thighs as he spoke, failing to resist the urge to bite down on his lower lip as he saw her hands placed there, his thoughts fleeting back to how much like her mother the young girl looked like, wondering what all tiny details would be similar without clothes on. A wave of relief washed over him once he remembered that he was wearing slacks that were loose enough to not betray how excited his scandalous thoughts made him.