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- "My Lord, I bring news."
- Typhus Marburg paused in his study of the situation map of the dreary little planet his forces were engaged in
- ravaging. "Yes?"
- "Lord. Starships have appeared in the outer system and are on course for a landing. They have been identified as
- elements of the Flesh Tearers."
- "Yeah? Tell them to sod off and find their own world. Tell 'em we got here first."
- "Sire, you misunderstand. They are here to defend this world!"
- "What! Why? It's a sorry state of affairs when the followers of Chaos start to defend the weakling Imperium from each other!"
- "Um, Lord... the Flesh Tearers are a loyalist chapter."
- "They are? With a name like that! Are you sure they're not one of ours?"
- "Positive, My Lord."
- "Have you been able to call for any assistance?"
- "The Astropaths have contacted other forces nearby. Unfortunately this has also alerted other loyalist forces in the sector and they are also headed our way."
- "Bugger. So who gets here first then?"
- "The Alpha Legion, sire."
- "It never rains, it only pours, hey?"
- "Umm..."
- "What!"
- "The Alpha Legion is one of ours."
- "It is?!"
- "Yes."
- "I'm confused. You're telling me that a mob called the 'Flesh Tearers' isn't one of ours but a mob called the - what was it again..."
- "The Alpha Legion, sire."
- "Right... a mob called the Alpha Legion is one of ours."
- "That is correct, sire."
- "So who else is showing up to this barney then?"
- "The Blood Drinkers."
- "One of ours?"
- "One of theirs."
- "OK."
- "The Iron Warriors."
- "One of theirs?"
- "No. One of ours."
- "Go figure."
- "The Dark Angels."
- "Now I've heard of them. Followers of Slaanesh aren't they?"
- "No, I think you're thinking of The Fallen, sire. The Dark Angels are Loyalists too."
- "Bugger. So who else then?"
- "The Emperor's Children."
- "Oh, that one's too easy. They're obviously loyalists with a name like that."
- "Um, not exactly my Lord."
- "Really?"
- "Yes, Lord. They're one of ours too."
- "This is silly. All the really evil sounding names are being used by weakling loyalists while it seems as though the
- forces of chaos have got the naff monikers. Are there any more of these I should know about?"
- "A few, Lord."
- "OK then, spell it out for me, starting with Loyalists that sound like traitors and then moving onto traitors that sound like Loyalists."
- "I will attempt to do so, Lord. OK - the Loyalists that sound like traitors... the Marauders, Rampagers, Destroyers and Storm Lords (all White Scar second foundings in point of fact)."
- "I like the sound of the Storm Lords. You sure they aren't one of ours?"
- "Quite sure. Then there's the Blood Drinkers and the Flesh Tearers - both of which are Loyalist second founding of the Blood Angels."
- "With names like that I'd always assumed they were more bone headed followers of the blood god."
- "Not so far, My Lord. Then there's the Red Talons..."
- "I thought they were renegade pirates."
- "No Lord, that's the Red Corsairs."
- "Oh. OK. Continue."
- "The Brazen Claws are loyalists too."
- "Good name for a Khornate force though isn't it?"
- "Yes Lord. Then there's the Black Guard (not to be confused with the Black Legion which IS one of ours), the
- Revilers, and the Raptors."
- "Hold on a minute! The Raptors? They're definitely ours. Hell we've got a small unit of them attached to our forces
- haven't we?"
- "My Lord, those are the troops known as Raptors but there is also a loyalist legion with the same name."
- "Must get a bit confusing for the loyalists then?"
- "I imagine so, My Lord. There are also the Doom Eagles, the Silver Skulls, and the Iron Hands (not to be mistaken for the Iron Warriors, who are ours)."
- "Bloody hell. Is that it?"
- "There are also some lesser known chapters that also seem to cause occasional confusion."
- "Such as..."
- "The Doomfarers are one that our forces have occasionally encountered."
- "Oh yeah. Those yoyos. So what about the Chaos forces that sound like loyalists then..."
- "Well as mentioned earlier there are The Emperor's Children, The Iron Warriors, the Thousand Sons, the Lunar
- Wolves (who changed their name to the Sons of Horus and then to the Black Legion)..."
- "Well at least they're easily IDed as one of ours now. The Black Legion eh? Now that's a proper name. Just positively oozes evil from every pore."
- "Yes, Lord. To continue, there are also the Word Bearers, and the Alpha Legion."
- "The Word Bearers? What kind of silly name is that for a Chaos Legion?"
- "They used to be missionaries sire"
- "We you'd think that once they switched to our side they'd change their name to something a little more in keeping with being evil mad men. I mean come on 'The Word Bearers'? It's a silly name."
- "Yes my Lord"
- "You know, I think the forces of Chaos should have proper Chaos names. There's no room for mistakes when you're called something like 'The World Eaters' or 'The Death Guard'..."
- "Actually Lord, both those chapters had those names when they were loyalists."
- "You're kidding."
- "No, My Lord."
- "Yeesh. I would have thought names like that would be a bit scary for the average imperial citizen. I mean "Yay we're being rescued by the World Eaters" just doesn't sound credible while "Aargh! Flee! It's the World Eaters" seems much more likely."
- "Yes, My Lord. I believe the latter is more likely these days anyway."
- "Makes no bloody sense at all."
- "Yes, My Lord."
- "Kill 'em all and let the Chaos Gods sort 'em out I say."
- "Sounds like a completely reasonable approach to me, My Lord."
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