Darwin's Game Chapter 36 PR test - Izu

Darwin's Game Chapter 36 Proofed by Izu - Reviewed by meterion
[m] - proof notes (ctrl-f for them)
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[144]

Ahh...! The water I finally prepared ran out...!
Ah! The water I prepared finally ran out...!

[right] What the hell do you mean by "Hunting Game"!
[right] What the hell do you mean by "Hunting Game"?!

This is just searching for water! Is this a Dowsing Game instead!?
I'm just searching for water. Isn't this a Dowsing Game instead!?

Fuck... Even the sun's setting...
Fuck... The sun's setting.

[145]

I'm wasting batteries here,
I'm just wasting batteries here,

but let's see what the thermal nightvision has to say...
but let's see what the thermal nightvision has to say.


I highly doubt I'll be able to sneak in...!
I highly doubt I'd be able to sneak in...!

[146]

There's someone there...!
There's someone there!
[m: these are valid punctuation, would not be changed.]

And he's alone...!
And he's alone!

It's just us two... I can surprise attack him...
It's just the two of us, I can attack him by surprise.
[m: first ellipses was necessary, was a complete sentence that trailed off.]

Should I kill him...?
Should I kill him?


And I'll die of thirst anyway, at this rate...
Anyway, at this rate I'll die of thirst...

[147]

And, with a surprise attack like this...?
And with a surprise attack like this...?

[middle] But, I don't have any other choice...!
[middle] But I don't have any other choice!

[151]

Answer me...!
Answer me!

Do you want to die...?
Do you want to die!?

Eeeek...!?
Eeeek!

[152]
(PR: The above lines are actually said while he's crying, so try to slur it a bit)
[m: PR lines are directed towards the proofreader. Don't ignore them]

[154]
For a mountain forest of this degree, there's obviously plenty of spring water to go around.
[m: this was an awkward line, needed changing]

So... so there's spring water around here!!?
So... So there's spring water around here!!?


I've only been thinking about the goods I couldn't get at the Supply Point,
I've only been thinking about the goods that I couldn't get at the Supply Point,


You... you saw!?
You... You saw!?

[155]

Ha... hahahaha...!
Ha... Hahahaha!


I... Back then, my head totally blanked out and I swore I'd die...!
I... My head totally blanked out and I thought I'd die back there!


Y-yes, but...
Y-Yes, but...

[156]

If you... fired that gun, you would've definitely been killed by Seigen.
If you... Fired that gun, you would've definitely been killed by the Seigens.
[m: no need to capitalize, the sentence is meant to continue after the ellipses. Seigen is also a name of a person rather than a group, but you didn't have the context to know that. However, when you don't know something, err on the side of caution.]

Well, this isn't much, but eat.
Well, this isn't much but, please eat.

What's up with this guy? He's praising me for running away...?
What's up with this guy? He's praising me for running away?

What a weird guy...
What a weird guy.

[157]

Who is this guy in the first place?
Who is this guy anyway?

His age... doesn't look much different from mine, but...
His age doesn't look too different from mine but...

But, his strength earlier wasn't ordinary.
But his strength earlier wasn't ordinary.


it felt like his movements were on par or even better than the Special Forces seen in the movies.
It felt like his movements were on par or even better than the Special Forces seen in the movies.
[m: awkward line, could have been edited better]


Hey hey, there's no such thing.
Hey, hey, there's no such thing.

[158]

Su-Sudou Kaname, you said!?
D-Did you say Sudou Kaname!?


[right most] There isn't any D-Game player in the Shibuya area who doesn't know who you are...
[right most] There isn't any D-Game player in the Shibuya area that doesn't know who you are.
[m: "player" is an person, not an object, so it is appropriate to use "who" rather than "that".]

That said, are you legit the real deal...?
That said, are you the real deal?