1-11 Dream

	This colour isn't working at all. Regarding myself in the mirror, I tilt my head at a few angles, but it's only encouraging my decision. I walk back to my desk and dab the lip gloss off with a wipe, throwing it in the dustbin with the others. The glosses Saki has lent me are lined up like little soldiers as I look over them again. I'm running out of makeup wipes very quickly, it's time to make a decision. The pale rose? No, that made me look washed out. Plump cherry? No, that makes me look like I'm having an allergic reaction. Electric blue? They come in that colour? Drearily shaking my head, I wander over to my bed and lie flat on my back, staring up at the ceiling fan as it lazily spins around, doing a poor job of cooling the room. So much for cold weather.

	What am I even doing? I'm not sure when I started having a strong opinion about what shade of red to wear, but when I stop and think, it feels like somebody else's voice in my head thinking about it. Or maybe that's my voice, and the voice wondering about it is a stranger now. The old bed groans as I sit back up, looking over my room as a few straggling rays on the evening sun fall through the shutters. They say a bedroom can say a great deal about its owner, what does mine say? A pile of medical textbooks still lying on my workdesk, makeup splayed all over the nightstand, my wardrobe hanging ajar with my peacoat hanging on the door. I think if you asked my room about me, it wouldn't have a terrific amount to say. Perhaps it would complain that I don't vacuum as often as I should.

	The quick rapping on the door pulls me out of my introspection, as does the hurried sound of footsteps shortly after. Pulling myself to my feet, I pull the door open and I'm greeted by a small parcel wrapped in brown paper with a crimson bow. I lean out the door and peer down the murkily lit hallway, but whoever left it has already ran off. Frowning, I examine the box from all sides as I close the door and head back to my bed. Gingerly I untie the neat bow and the ribbon neatly slips off the paper. I'm less delicate with the wrapping paper and tear it open, revealing a tin of lavender biscuits with a note taped to the lid.

	"Dear Rika, these go excellently with the tea you picked up last week. There's quite a bit in the tin, but I think you'll find someone to share them with. Yours, Lilly". That sly little fox. I gently peel the note off of tin and fold it into my pocket, placing the biscuits in my half packed bag beside the thermos. The ribbon I still have in my hand, and I look at it in the mirror. It matches my eyes. Pulling my hair back, I tie it into a loose ponytail, finishing it with a large bow. Looking at the glosses with renewed confidence, I select cinnamon kiss, which happens to match the ribbon. I pull my coat on and do up the buttons, reaching over for my boots and slip them on. The fluorescent lights of the hall blink on when I open the door and the light outside pales from a deep orange to twilight. Everyone seems to be out doing something this weekend for the halls are quiet and empty while I make my way out of the dorm. The courtyard isn't particularly livelier, with the only other soul being a girl making her way out of the school building, tapping away at her phone as she walks off. I make for the front gates where the bus is waiting to take us out to watch the meteor shower. Where Hisao is waiting to take me to watch the meteor shower. My bag slips off of my shoulder as a sharp pain twangs in my chest and I clutch it. It passes as soon as it came on and I let out a deep breath, giving it some time before I pull my bag back up. The regularity of that can't be anything good. It must just be stress.

	Soon I'm at the bus, where Molly's standing outside, checking off names on a clipboard like last time. I don't seem to be the last one to arrive, at least. The streetlight flickers on as I walk up to her and gently tap her arm to get her attention.

	'You're here!' She states, with a poorly hidden note of surprise. I give her a wry smile in response as she quickly ticks my name off of the list. 'I'd love to chat about the trip with you quickly, but I have a few missing members still. I swear if they went to town when I explicitly told them they wouldn't be back in time I will tear them...' I let Molly mutter threats into her clipboard and step up onto the bus, looking down the aisle. The club doesn't begin to take up all the seats and the students are scattered throughout it in pairs chattering to each-other. Making my way to the back I spot Nakai beside a brunette girl I recognise from my party. She's about as close as she can be to Nakai without physically forcing him against the window. He spots me and waves, drawing me to the attention of the girl who shoots me a look that says a good number of nasty things. Nakai stands up and walks towards me and I stand like a deer in headlights.

	'You made it!' Nakai exclaims, as surprised as Molly. I would resent the implications if they weren't so well founded.

	'Apparently so!' I reply, chuckling.

	'Is there anywhere in particular you want to sit?' He asks, gesturing around the bus. I look around it, back at the girl wishing me death with her stare from the backseat.

	'Perhaps near the front,' I suggest, slowly looking back to Nakai. He nods and walks down to a seat a few rows from the driver, motioning for me to take the window seat. That means it will be a good deal harder to retreat to another seat in an emergency, but on the other hand, if I embarrass myself too much perhaps I could shatter the window and throw myself out. I tuck my bag under the seat and smooth down my coat, fussing with the belt. Nakai sits beside me and I immediately wish the seats weren't so small when I feel his thigh against mine. I recoil instinctively, and he coughs and blushes. Already off to such a strong start, Rika.

	'Do you know which girls Molly is waiting on?' I ask, attempting to brush off that awkwardness. He considers this, moving his hand to his chin.

	'I don't know their names, but apparently they caused trouble last trip as well. Something to do with mud,' he explains. I smile as I remember the mud drenched pair treading onto the bus that day.

	'I wouldn't want to be the person to cause Molly trouble,' I laugh, looking out the window at her pacing angrily up and down the length of the bus. 'For such an upbeat person she can be quite...' I trail off.

	'Firm?' Nakai finishes.

	'Firm is a way to put it,' I reply. Nakai laughs as Mutou climbs onto the bus, rubbing his brow and taking a seat right at the front. He's soon followed by two girls staring at the floor as they walk down to the back, Molly in tow staring at them until they talk their seats. She continues this gaze for an uncomfortable length of time before her face completely brightens up with an enormous smile.

	'Okay everyone! This will be a long trip so if you need to use the bathroom, well, you should have gone already because we're already running late. When we arrive I'll need everyone's help unpacking, so no running off to the beach until everything's set up,' Molly tells everyone, wagging her finger, 'we'll have a while until the shower so you'll have plenty of time for that later. If you do run off before that, be aware there will be serious consequences.' She finishes that with a sharp glare at the pair of girls, who dart their heads down at the floor. 'Mr Mutou, anything to add?' She asks.

	'No, I think you covered everything very well,' Mutou says, looking very tired.

	'Fantastic then! Let's get a move on!' She exclaims, before walking down to her seat. She passes Nikai and I and winks, I return it with a very bemused glare. The bus rolls to a start, circling around before turning down the hill. The town comes and goes and then we're out on the main road, streetlights whizzing past the window. There's not too much to look at outside, but I find myself staring out the window anyway. The world seems so small at school, even looking at the woods along the road reminds me how much of the world there is outside the gates and past the town. A handful of houses go by and I wonder about the people who live in them, what their lives are like. I have a strange amount of trouble picturing it. It seems the only adults I've really met are doctors and teachers. The only rooms I've been in are cramped dorms with bare white ceilings and lonely hospital rooms with even barer white ceilings.

	'Something on your mind?' Nakai asks, snapping me back to the world inside the bus.

	'Er, yes and no,' I clarify, 'much and very little.'

	'I... see,' Nakai lies.

	'Well, it's like,' I gesture out the window, 'do you ever look at other people and wonder what their day is like? What problems they're having, what they're looking forward to?'

	'I guess I do, although I never really considered that I do,' he replies thoughtfully, 'sometimes I watch other students in the courtyard and wonder if they feel the same way as me.'

	'the same way you feel about what?' I ask.

	'A bit,' Nakai hesitates, clearing his throat, 'anxious.'

	'I imagine everyone feels anxious sometimes,' I say, fidgeting with my cuffs, 'if not, I must be pretty pathetic.' I stare down at my lap, considering the possibility that everyone else manages through everyday life stress free.

	'If it makes you feel any better, that'd make me pathetic as well,' Nakai comments, almost resting his hand on my shoulder but thinking better of it.

	'I suppose if you're pathetic too that makes me less pathetic,' I ponder, 'although maybe it makes us both more pathetic.'

	'Hard to say,' replies Nakai, nodding. I giggle and he laughs, causing Mutou to look back at us with curiosity. I quickly cough and look away back out the window at the mystery houses with their mystery residents. They fly by while the bus brings us along the road, and slowly but surely the streetlights seem dimmer and dimmer until the whole world is black.

	There's suddenly something quite soft on my cheek and I feel a hand on my arm, gently shaking me. My eyes, that I didn't know were closed, open, and I'm staring at the back of the seat in front of us. Turning my head, I see Nakai looking down at me with a nervous smile. Why is he looking down at me? I dart up immediately away from his shoulder, cheeks turning as scarlet as the bow in my hair.

	'I, uh, thought it would be better if I woke you up,' Nakai stammers out, 'we'll be arriving soon, so I thought you'd be embarrassed if Molly found you like, um, that.'

	'That was wise,' I eventually agree, without turning to look at him. I continue to look dead ahead for a little while longer before mustering up the courage to look at him. 'I didn't realise that I fell asleep,' I slowly say.

	'You did, about an hour ago. Back on the highway,' Nakai replies, considering before continuing, 'you talk in your sleep.' The blood flushes back to my face in full force and I wish I could crawl into my coat like a tortoise. "Nothing embarrassing, don't worry!' He quickly clarifies. 'You were muttering, I couldn't really make it out anyway. Something about rain, I think,' Nakai goes on. I'm about to reply when the bus slows to a stop and Molly leaps from her chair to the front of the bus, hurrying everyone from their seats. We step out of the bus and I find myself on the seaside, with the cool ocean breeze brushing my hair across my face and the sounds of waves lapping the shore not far off. It smells of seaweed and serenity. 'Are you alright, Rika?' Nakai asks, and I notice I'm gazing out at the sea while everyone else is unloading the bus.

	'Oh, perfectly fine, sorry. I've just never seen the ocean before,' I confess. Nakai looks surprised, but doesn't comment due to  Molly yelling over at us to help. We lug heavy cases containing the telescopes and equipment up the grassy cliffside, reaching a little picnic area when we crest the top. There's a few picnic tables and a small gazebo tucked away at the back of the area, and a wooden fence running along the length of the cliff with a little pair of binoculars on a stand to gaze out at the sea. We're directed somewhere in the middle and set down the cases with relief. I roll my shoulders as I stand back up, looking up towards the starry sky.

	'You'll have plenty of time for that when everything is set up,' Molly quips as she catches up with us, 'there's plenty more back at the bus that needs brought up.' I begrudgingly comply and the next half hour passes without much event. It's hard to think when you're working so hard. Finally, Molly seems satisfied with the set up and allows everyone to wander off until the shower. I slink off to a picnic table to catch my breath after all the heavy lifting. Nakai soon joins me, sitting opposite and looking as much like death as I'm certain I do.

	'She really... shouldn't get... the members with the bad hearts... to do that,' he puffs out, resting his hand on his chest.

	'It's not like the students with spine injuries or amputations should really be doing it either,' I add, slowly lowering myself until I'm lying flat on my back on the bench.

	'That's a... fair point,' Nakai concedes, doing likewise. I look over at him under the table and he looks back, giving me a strained smile before grimacing and leaning back again.

	'You seem a bit worse off than I do,' I point out, worried.

	'It's a matter of... luck like that with... our condition, isn't it?' He replies, groaning and resting his hands on his chest. I nod back at him, frowning.

	'Would you mind if I took your pulse?' I ask, rising to my feet.

	'I couldn't object... if I wanted to.' Standing over the bench, I wonder how to check it. I don't really want to move him if he feels like this, I know how much I hate that.

	'I'm sorry about this in advance,' I say, before lifting him up and sitting down on the bench, placing his head on my lap and taking his wrist in my hand. Nakai looks very flustered but true to his word, doesn't look capable of objection. I close my eyes and focus on his pulse. His hand is warm and a lot softer than I thought it would be. No, I need to focus on the pulse. I shake my head and try and count the beats, drowning out a flood of thoughts and feelings. 1, 2, 4, 5... A minute passes by, but it feels like an hour.

	'It's fast, but it feels in rhythm. Maybe a little weak. You'll recover in a few minutes, hopefully,' I finally explain, lowering his hand.

	'That's good news,' he sighs. His face is still very pale, but it looks more like fear than ill health.

	'This is all still quite new to you, isn't it?' I ask, hoping I'm not probing. I feel his breath halt for a second, he's thinking.

	'Very new. It's terrifying, to be honest. You've been dealing with it a lot longer, right? Doesn't it scare you?'

	'Sometimes. Frustrates would be a better word. It gets in the way a lot, I think increasingly more. It feels like the more I worry about it the more it's going to give me things to worry about. Very much a terribly vicious cycle. At the same time, if it doesn't act up, I feel like things can be normal,' I reply, elaborating, 'which does make it the more painful when that's proven very untrue.'

	'I understand. I mean, I'm beginning to understand,' Nakai says, staring up at the sky.

	'I don't mean to change the topic suddenly, but if you're feeling better maybe you could sit up,' I comment uneasily. Nakai jumps up, as though he'd forgotten where he was.

	'I think this makes us even,' he says. We sit at the bench a while longer, and I can't help but question how I continually manage to humiliate myself around Nakai. At a point, you'd think I'd get used to it and it wouldn't be shocking, but I always surprise myself somehow. The other club members are relaxing on the grass, a few are adjusting the telescopes with Molly. Some have opened up their bags and begun spreading out their food on the blankets, preparing their night-time picnic in the light of little electric lanterns. Some have brought food they bought at the convenience store, others are opening up tupperware containing home-cooked curries and boiled vegetables with rice. I feel my stomach grumble, and the way Nakai looks over at me, he obviously heard it. 'Did you bring anything for the picnic, Rika?' He asks.

	'I did actually cook some chicken, but well,' I think back to the deliciously seasoned chicken and noodles I spent the evening making, sitting on the desk back in my room, 'I may have forgotten it. I did bring tea. Oh, and biscuits, apparently.'

	'Apparently?'

	'Don't worry about it,' I say, brushing off the question and remembering the note in my pocket, 'what did you bring?'

	'I picked up snacks at the store. I also brought a couple of instant ramen cups, but I was hoping someone else brought hot water for them,' Nakai replies. At that, we decide to harass our fellow students about the hot water situation. Luckily, a trio of boys had the same instant ramen idea but had the forethought to also bring a thermos of hot water. 'Where should we set up the blanket?' Nakai asks, balancing the now steaming hot noodles carefully as we walked away from the boys.

	'If you don't mind, I'd like to see the beach,' I offer. Nakai nods, and we make off down the hill we dragged all the equipment up. The stairs to the beach are next to the carpark, and wind their way along the cliffside to the shore down below. Nakai and I take about twice as long as necessary going down the stairs, trying not to spill the hot broth from the ramen all over ourselves. It's worth it when we get down, though, as the beach is breathtaking. The sand stretches on away along the rocks, and the dark, foamy waves crash down against the beach over and over. Surprisingly, no other students are down here. We gingerly step along the sand until we find a spot we're both satisfied with near the rocks. I unroll the grey and red tartan blanket I'd brought, and we huddle down. 'It sure is colder down here than it was up at the picnic area,' I observe, huddling deeper into my coat and cradling my noodles.

	'That's coastal winds for you,' Nakai replies, seemingly not at all bothered by the cold ocean breeze. We both wolf down the noodles without saying anything to each-other, too hungry to waste eating time on chit-chat. When my cup is empty, I set it aside and reach into my bag, pulling out my thermos and the spare cup.

	'Tea?' I ask, offering him the cup. Nakai gratefully accepts, holding it while I pour the Paris Black into his cup. I reach back into my bag and pull out a carton of long life milk, giving him a splash of that as well, before pouring myself a cup. 'Heavenly,' I say, sighing deeply as I have a sip.

	'You always have something new for me to try,' Nakai comments, sipping his tea.

	'There's a lot of teas out there. It would be a terrible tragedy not to try at least a good portion of them,' I explain, smiling.

	'That seems extreme,' he notes.

	'My feelings on tea could be considered extreme by some,' I quickly respond. He chuckles, having another sip. Putting the cup down, his brow furrows. He regards me and asks, 'What you were saying earlier, about wondering about other people.'

	'Yes?'

	'I wonder about you,' he says, continuing to stare. I look down into my tea.

	'Whyever would you do that?'

	'Well, you're a bit of a closed book, but you're lost in thought a lot. I think today I've learnt more about you than I have in the entire time we've known each-other. And you suffer from the same condition as I do, but you handle it so differently. I've seen you in the library studying it. I don't understand that, I want to know as little about it as I can,' Nakai elaborates, having another drink of tea and looking off at the waves, 'it's not that these things are bad. They're really interesting.' I look up, slowly, from my tea.

	'Is interesting... good?'

	'Interesting is wonderful,' he replies. I feel my heart flutter in my chest in a way that it hasn't before. I quickly put my hand to it, confused, and Hisao looks worried.

	'Are you okay?' He asks, resting his hand on my shoulder.

	'I'm fine, I just--' I'm interrupted by the sudden stream of lights blazing through the sky. 'Oh dear, I fear we may have forgotten about the meteor shower.'

	'We can see it fine from here,' Hisao says, leaning back on the blanket. I look at him and then back up to the streaming flashes of lights, endlessly soaring through the dark sky. It seems as though they're flying towards the horizon, where the deep night sky meets the calm sea.

	'We sure can,' I agree, lying back beside him, staring up at the spectacle above us with my head against his. My heart is still fluttering, but I'm not worried about it anymore. The dancing lights continue to flicker through the sky, and when I go to sip my tea I realise it's gone cold and we've been lying here for almost an hour. Nakai slowly rises, and has the same discovery with his tea. 'It's okay, I have more,' I assure him, pouring he and I another cup. Going into my bag for the milk I spot the tin. 'Would you like a biscuit? There's more than enough to share.'

	'I'd love one,' Hisao replies. I slide over to him on the blanket, leaning against his arm. Hisao relaxes his shoulder, allowing me to rest my head. From here I can hear his pulse, and it's beating to the same broken rhythm as mine.