/PoFg/ stoner raccoon/human

>end up with a raccoon owner after she caught me digging through her trash, how ironic, and she offered me some pizza
>turns out she's a stoner
>wears mainly hoodies and baggy sweat pants and the odd few longer skirts
>she's pretty chubby and she's got several inches of height on you, but her being a coon makes it look cute at least
>been a couple months living with her now
>her simple apartment is pretty messy
>you're no neat freak but even this is too much for you
>you at least clean up the place a bit when she's out or at work, don't want her to see you cleaning lest you end up has some maid or some shit
>the fact she actually had a job shocked the shit out of you, figured she was a NEET
>of course it was just some shitty/simple convenience store/gas station
>doesn't help she wastes most of her money on weed, booze, and delivery food
>she'd have her friends over often enough and they pretty much hotbox the apartment
>they tried to get you high by blowing smoke your way but gave up once they saw you didn't react much or really got stoned
>high school helped you learned you're pretty resistant to weed, or at least the generic/lower tier stuff
>it's worse when she drinks since she doesn't just causally drink she always goes full force and gets completely shit faced
>you've lost count of how often you end up petting her back while she's hugging the toilet and puking pizza/Chinese/etc out
>or putting a blanket on her where ever she passed out at
>fuck, you sleep in her bed more than she does at this point
>she does get fairly affectionate at times
>she's got this thing having you sit on the floor against the couch while she sits on the couch and pets/combs through your hair with her claws
>wonder if this is some raccoon thing, the chirping/chitterings noises she makes are pretty cute anyways
>she tends to vent to you when it's just the two of you
>and my god is it so stereotypical you'd swear you were in some stoner comedy
>how her life is shit because she's stuck in a shitty apartment, has a boring shitty job, her life is going nowhere, each weekend is the same of getting stoned/wasted, how she doesn't have a decent boyfriend, etc etc
>most of the time you'd spend with her holding you like a security blanket through the whole rants
>you do try your best to comfort her without giving away how much you really knew
>the worst though is when she gets stoned/drunk by herself
>she was manageable when stoned by herself since she'd just rather clingy and shower you with compliments that just mainly her shitting on herself
>like how you were so good to put up with her, how you hadn't run away and abandoned her to find a better owner, how you were the only guy to actually keep her company, and more depressing shit like that
>it's worse when she got drunk on her own
>you quickly found out she was a sad drunk and her own depression and self-loathing would sky rocket
>she'd just bawl her eyes out while nursing whatever cheep booze she manged to buy that week
>you got pretty good at tricking her into drinking more water during those times by refilling empty cans with water and handing them to her
>helped make the hangover the next day less harsh
>you're surprised she never tried to have sex with you or god forbid see if you'd fall for the peanut butter trick
>her friends trying to egg her own just so she'd be less pent up weren't helping
>it's kind of cute how she'd lock herself in her room and masturbate like she was ashamed you seeing her do that
>she's a screamer too so you're pretty sure the whole apartment complex could her her every time
>and she'd always have this guilty/embarrassed afterward while never looking you in the eye for the rest of the day
>there were the odd times she'd get a date
>she'd get so excited and run around the apartment looking for her skirts and a less raggedy looking hoodie
>she actually take a shower more often and you'd be there brushing her fur or what of it she'd let you see
>she'd go out on her date and return home late mostly drunk
>her boyfriends never last for long
>a couple days at most before she'd return home one night crying because she got dumped again and you'd have to listen to her crying about the reasons she was dumped
>the worse one was when some asshat opossum
>she came home early on one of her date nights sniffling
>you were getting ready for another long night of her crying episodes only to stop when you see she has a bloody nose and is using her sleeve to soak up the blood
>she looked pretty shaken and then a loud banging started at the door that caused her to jump and shake more
>the opossum was demanding to be let and trying to say he didn't mean to hit her that hard
>that struck a nerve with you
>the worse part is she actually got up to open door to talk to the asshole
>you were close by making sure nothing more happened
>he was making it out like it was her fault he hit her and such
>you had the fight the urge to not grab one of the kitchen knives nearby
>then he did something really stupid
>he forced his way in and caused her to fall back
>you moved in front of her while glaring at the opossum
>he had a good foot on you but he was just hungry skeleton has far as builds go
>he moved to push you out of the way but he dropped has soon as you hit him in the face
>real fucking glass jaw this pussy
>got a kick out of seeing he had his own bloody nose now
>since he was just reeling on floor whimpering like a baby you had to drag him out of your apartment and off the to the curb
>once you back to the apartment and closed the door she jumped you crying and rubbing her face against you desperately
>you both ended up in her bed this time
>the whole night she clung to you like you'd float away if she let go
>the next couple of days she'd make sure you were always within sight of her and has soon as you sat down she'd be holding you again and petting/rubbing against you
>she actually got ice cream for the booth of you
>of course she made sure you walked with her to the store never letting your hand go the whole time
>when you got back the two of you ended up sharing the tub of ice cream together
>you wonder when you got this protective of her
>she ended up getting food for you more regularly now too
>she'd just let you eat the leftovers of take out most of the time before
>you tried to do stuff when she was not around to keep yourself busy and not just eat out of boredom
>partially cleaning only got so far, but you did manage to find some small weights under a pile clothes one time
>funny enough they were bright pink and pretty much the only pink things she seemed to own
>using them and doing simple exercises like push-ups, crunches, squats, etc gave you something to do
>you were never a fatass, but at the same time you weren't really in shape either
>you noticed you look like you dropped several pounds and your arms and legs had a little definition to them
>maybe you should try to find something else to do too before this gets out of hand
>she'd come home sometimes when you were in middle of an exercise
>she didn't seem to give much a reaction so you didn't have to stop and figured what you were doing was common to see other humans in this world do too
>you always did it without a shirt on since you didn't want to go around smelling like sweat for a long time due to her not going to the local washers that often
>you did notice she'd watch you more often when she came home to you doing that if a sort of guilty look on her face and sniff at the air occasionally
>you'd take a shower afterwards and you also guess this wasn't too abnormal for the local human pets either and she also looked relived when she first learned you could wash yourself
>you walk around the apartment afterwards with no shirt looking for a decently clean hoodie of hers to wear
>picking them up and checking for stains and sniffing them caused her get nervous and you also figured out she'd go to the washers not long afterwards seeing you do that too
>funny, it's like you're training her like a pet
>speaking of, her hoodies weren't bad but they too baggy on you
>though you would catch yourself sniffing the one you were wearing from time to time because it had her scent on it
>god did you feel like a pervert when you did that shit
>she would buy you some new clothes every now and again too, with mixed results
>sometimes they were little big or a little small on you
>you wonder if she was getting human pet clothes or just buying from a regular store
>not sure why she doesn't just take you with her when getting you clothes, but you are technically a stray she's letting live in her apartment
>she never got you a collar and you briefly wonder if this is one of those no pets allowed apartments too
>probably costs a lot to get registered and all shit you had to do back in your world when buying/owning a pet
>oh well, at least you got some good laughs in when she mistakenly tries to put on one the hoodies she got for you and can't because of the smaller size
>she'd get so embarrassed and this cute type of angry/pouty
>she'd take you out for walks sometimes, mostly just to convenience stores so you can help carry stuff, but she was ever given much trouble for having a pet with no leash/collar
>some would give her compliments on how well behaved and calm you were and asking her how she trained you to be like that
>always made you get a small internal giggle out of that and her having to explain she didn't do anything
>it also gave you some insight into the other humans too
>the local ones of this world just seemed not right to you
>like there was something missing from them that made you and them different
>you could always tell by just looking in their eyes
>though it was weird when you come across another human like you stuck in this world
>you'd both do the same thing, look at each other and then to your "owners"
>and then wonder what their lives are like

>This sucks so much right now.
>My damned facial hair has grown in too much and I don't usually rock the full face of hair look, so I'm in itchy hell.
>My hair has also grown out more too and it's not like I can just go buy a razor or go to a barber.
>My plight and state hasn't gone unnoticed either.
>My "owner" and her friend, fuck if I remember her name but you're sure she's a coyote, has I scratch my beard from time to time while talking.
>"You know, if this keeps up he's going to end up looking like some of your old boyfriends." Said the coyote.
>"Oh fuck you. But yeah, something needs to be done about that." Dannie said while reaching over to scratch my neck.
>Oh thank fuck for raccoon claws because this feels wonderful.
>Couldn't help but lean into her more has she helped itch my face.
>"So are you going to shave him yourself or take him into one of the pet groomers?"
>"Wait, what do mean shave him myself?"
>Well that made me pay a lot more attention to the conversation.
>The thought of Dannie running a sharp blade across my neck is not a pleasant one and I can't do it myself because I'm pretty sure that is too smart for the humans of this world.
>"You know, those razors you see in stores for pet grooming. Pretty sure you sell 'em at the little store you work at too."
>"Shit! You mean those blades on a stick? I don't know if I could do that without hurting him." Dannie said while looking down at me and holding my head closer to her.
>"I heard it's not that hard has long as the human holds still. It's also cheaper than bringing him to a groomer especially if their face hair grows in fast."
>I don't care how much extra it costs, pick the fucking groomer!
>Unfortunately, that's rather hard to convey with just a look.
>"I I don't think it'd be a good idea to do it myself. Do you know if a grooming shop is close by?"
>"I know there's one not too far, but it's far enough you can't walk and you don't have a car."
>"Oh. Um, do you know how to shave a human then?"
>Oh gee, like that's any better instead of you cutting my neck open.
>"Why would I know how to do that. You know I don't have a human. Look, how about I just drive you out there and you can owe me... a favor." The coyote bitch said while looking at me for that last bit.
>The fuck does that mean?
>And fuck off with that creepy look too!
>Pretty sure being molested isn't a good trade off for a fucking shave, you cunt.
>"I'm not going to let you molest him." Dannie said quickly.
>Holy fuck you're a actually a good owner!
>This requires me to hug her, and hide a bit behind her, while rubbing my face against her side.
>"Oh come one! Quit being stingy with him. He's kind of short, but I've seen him in those tight shirts you get him and I know he's got a decent body on his cute little ass."
>Did she really need to lick her lips after saying that?
>I'm going to need to remember to avoid her next time Dannie has a drunken get together with her girlfriends here.
>Fuck, it's not like I don't do that already with the gang of idiots that come over anyways.
>"I don't fuck him you perv!"
>Oh wow, she managed to look a perfect mix of angry and embarrassed.
>Also didn't know raccoons could poof up like cats can, cute.
>"Really? You still haven't used him to have a good time. With you're luck with boyfriends I figured you'd have fuck the little guy into a coma by now. Fine then! Next time you score some green you have to invite just me so I can smoke most of it with you."
>"Yeah, yeah I can do that Rebeca."
>Oh goody, a stoned and horny coyote will try to rape you later.
>Also, that's what her fucking name was.
>Probably going to forget it again later anyways.
>"Great! How about we go tomorrow? We're both off and I need to buy some stuff from the other shops around there too." She said while getting up and grabbing her stuff.
>"See ya Dannie. And see you too cutie." Rebeca said while doing that dumb little finger wiggle thing when she was saying bye to me.
>Eugh, I'm going to have nightmares now.
>"God, Beca is such a creepy slut at times. But she can't have you." She said while pulling on top of her while she lays down.
>Then I feel her wrap her arms, legs and tail around in a full body hug.
>Oooooh fuck, being stuck in this world may just be worth it for feeling this comfy.
>Can't help but melt and relax into this embrace.
>Now if only she'd... mmn there it is.
>Her petting/stroking my head and hair while cuddling me like this.
>Why does this feel so good and make feel guilty at the same time?
>She moved her face down to rub her muzzle against the side of my face, but only did it once before pulling back and making a face.
>"The sooner you get shaved the better. That really doesn't feel has nice to do has it does when your face is all smooth."
>Couldn't help but give an annoyed sound at that and just lay on her some more.
>We stayed like that for a little longer before she got me to get up so we could go to sleep.
>Well, downside is creepy coyote lady shows up again tomorrow, but on the upside I'm getting a shave.