out of time just as I figured out why the clock was ticking

For a while now I've been saying
"I'm running out of time"
I never knew what for exactly. I was always in such a rush to get to success.
I've procrastinated so much.

The doctor's said that my father's mother has less than a week to live.
He refuses to go.

I wont kno what to do when she's gone. I am concerned for my dad.
How will her handle it?

She wasn't the best mother to him.
But she was his mother.

To lose your mother. Any mother, is anything.
A reminder to him at least what a mother should be.
He wants to disconnect and not feel.
But he will feel.
I'm worried for him.

It's my responsibility to take care of the family now. My dad WILL need time. Whether he believes it or not.
I ran out of time. I wont be there to make sure he gets his time to recover.
I imagine, from the little I know about his relationship with his mother, that it will be a confusing experience.

My dad has been so strong for us.
Just like a fuckin' comic book hero.

Really. He's stood up against bad guys for us.
He's saved my life.
I almost drowned once and he dived in all of his clothes to save me. I panicked for no more than a second. and he  was there.
I've never seen my dad scared. He has always been brave and hard working.

I wont be able to return that.
I could have.
My clock is ticking. I've still got a chance.
I can't give up. There will be a period of time where he will be disturbed without any place to find peace. I need to swiftly come in and support the family. Somehow.

I wish it wouldn't take such a push just for me to get up and do the right thing and be strong for those I care about.
So much time wasted on my behalf... just fucking dicking around on the internet, being scared of learning more complex code.
I wish it didn't take that push.

I will not mope here at what I could have become and at what I know I should be compared to what I am.

I will go now