The Tau and Blue

"Status report, Shas'Vre."
"Assimilation of the gue'la on this world is going smoothly, Shas'El. We have only experienced minimal resistance from the warriors positioned amongst the civilians. We will start relocating them to reeducation camps by the end of the day, sir." Shas'Vre Pan'zah shuffled his hoofs subtly. Shas'El K'Lem P'rer pretended not to notice.
"Excellent, Shas'Vre. How much longer until we can integrate this planet into our sept?"
"Within the month, Shas'El. If nothing goes awry."
K'Lem P'rer turned smartly to face his body guard and personal aide, "If nothing goes awry? Are you expecting complications then?"
"Well, sir, interrogating compliant gue'la revealed that most of their warriors are off further west from our landing point, fighting  off another invasion. Be'gel, sir."
The Shas'El exhaled sharply. Greenskins. The very thought of the putrid race set his teeth on edge, "What have our scouts reported?"
"It seems to be a tribe of Be'gel—"
"Only a single tribe? I was expecting at least two to a full Waaagh if they had to divert nearly all their troops to the warfront."
"Well, the first complication would be that they have a titan."
"What."
"You know, one of those large mobile fortresses used by those strange gue'la covered in spikes?"
"I know what a titan is, Pan'zah. I was expressing my incredulity at its presence."
Pan'zah shrugged, "There's no evidence to suggest that they're working in tandem with Chaos."
"Good, so there is still hope for this world." The Shas'El turned his attention to a datascreen with reports filling in from various Kau'ui, trying not to think about the implications. Orks with a titan... This was a scenario he recognized. But it couldn't be. That was years ago and on the opposite side of the sept. "You said 'first complication,' so there are more?"
"Yes, Shas'El. The titan has Tau technology crudely welded to it, sir."
"Scraplootas? We've landed on the same world as the damned Scraplootas?" It could be no other tribe. Shas'El K'Lem P'rer had been there. Fought against their insane masses. He was just a Shas'Ui then, but the thought of those ambushers and their titan yelling all
sorts of nonsense still gave him shivers. It was a Tau colony world, not an outpost or a conquest. A single tribe had taken on an entire Uash'o and nearly won, if they didn't get bored and leave or something. You couldn't tell with Orks.
"Very well. I accept this challenge, we will prove the might of the Tau over these scoundrels yet."
"One last complication, Shas'El. Which I think you should see for yourself." Pan'zah uploaded new video to K'Lem P'rer's datascreen.
The screen was fuzzy, as if seen through electrobinoculars, but between all the thuggish beasts darted a lithe form, clearly grayish-blue, clearly Tau, possibly female.
"My god, they kept slaves? Look how poorly they treat her! Nothing to wear but scraps of metal and rags!"
"Sir, they all wear scraps of metal and rags."
K'Lem P'rer ignored this comment, "And she's so skinny! I won't stand for this, starving her and forcing her to work for these brutes!" He placed his fist in his upturned palm with resolve, "We will go and save her before we march on the Be'gel. All of their Tau slaves."
"She appears to be the only one, Shas'El."
"No doubt she could also provide vital intelligence about the weaknesses of this tribe. They aren't immortal."
"I said she was a complication and not an asset for a reason, Shas'El."
"And finally we will show that the power of the Tau'va triumphs over savages even in disparate conditions." Like a titan.
"She seems happy, Shas'El."
"What? Impossible. It must be some sort of mistake. Sto'khom syndrome or something."
"Yes, Shas'El."
"Assemble a La'rua of our stealthiest warriors. I want them in and out before the Be'gel notice."
"Yes, Shas'El."
"In fact, I want to personally commend them  when they return from their mission. In fact, I want us to go out and accompany them so we can be the first ones to congratulate them on their return."
"Does that 'we' include me, Shas'El?"
K'Lem P'rer gave Pan'zah a look.
"...Yes, Shas'El."


Blue was on the outskirts of camp, happily tinkering with a trukk. She was trying to modify a railgun into some sort of extra temporary acceleration system. Mr. Squig circled around her while grunting contently to a tuneless beat, and then abruptly stopped.
Blue looked up from her work to see Mr. Squig looking around, sniffing, scanning the area with its shootas. Blue subtly reached for her shoota as well. She rolled under the carriage of the trukk as the stealthed fire warrior reached for her, missing grabbing her leg by an inch. Mr. Squig opened fire and so did she, but her light shoota did minimal damage to the stealth suit.
"What are you doing, Fio'La? We are here to rescue you!"
"We have no time. Take her before she can alert any guards." The trukk was lifted from over Blue, and in the twilight she could almost make out the outline of at least three of them. And they had shot down Mr. Squig. She opened fire again, bullets ricocheted off the inclosing Tau.
"BIG MEK, HELP! SNEAKY GITZ ARE TRYING TO STEAL—" She was zapped by some sort of stun gun and blacked out.
Blue vaguely remembered being carried away in the arms of a battlesuit as the sounds of her comrades firing upon the Tau echoed behind her. There was also something that sounded like Boris roaring. She even thought she heard Tinka yelling out the name she gave herself.


Blue woke up in a bed. She jolted upright and looked down on herself. Her clothes and armor were gone, replaced by some sort of robe. She looked at her hands, eight fingers all accounted for, but clean. No grime, no dirt, no grease, no oil stains. Her spanner was on the stand by the bed, but in a similarly horrid state, nearly gleaming. What kind of madness was this? They even removed the claws she had nailed on her hooves, which were also cleaned and manicured. Never had she felt so uncomfortable with the condition of her body. What would Warboss Urtylug say? She looked like she'd been muckin' around all her life. Her hair even got a trim.
The small room she was in was mostly empty. Beside her stand and bed there was a comfortable looking chair and a deactivated datascreen. Besides the door, the only other possibility for escape was a vent that blew fresh air into the room. But it was so small, even a grot would have trouble squeezing into it.
As Blue contemplated fitting herself through the vent anyway, the door opened. She turned to see a stately looking Tau in full regalia standing in the doorway.
"The sensors in the room indicated you were awakened, Fio'La. I hope your rescue was not too traumatizing to you, but the Shas'Ui assured me you were too panicked to escape with them willingly. Even opening fire on them!" He gave a hearty laugh that Blue immediately disliked, "You are on an Orca class dropship and I am Shas'El K'Lem P'rer. What is your name?"
Blue carefully kept her distance as the Shas'El entered the room, "They call me Da Blue Grot, but I call myself T'Ork."
"Ah, those Be'gel took you so long ago that you've forgotten your own name? What a pity. I'm sure that with your diligence, you would have risen high in your caste." He gestured for Blue to sit in the comfortable looking chair as he looked toward the datascreen which started filling with tables and reports.
"What did you do with my clothes and armor?"
"We burned the rags you arrived in away as we cleansed your body. I assure you, it was necessary. They may have been diseased. Your tool was cleaned and returned to you though, as you can see."
Blue approached the comfortable chair. It reminded her of a squig with a back mutation. She tested it warily with a hand, her palm sinking a good four inches into the cushions. She sat down and was basically consumed. It felt like melting. Blue couldn't help but think the Warboss or Boris would enjoy this more. Boris especially because he had those... never mind.
"Comfortable?" K'Lem P'rer turned to smile at Blue, but immediately turned back. "Forgive me, Fio'La T'Ork, but your robes are in disarray."
"What's it to you, ya git?" Blue crossed her legs and arms anyway.
"Never mind. Now, we don't expect anything from you, saving you was for the Greater Good, but if you have any information about that tribe of Orks, the 'Scraplootas,'" he looked over his shoulder slightly, and then completely turned around to face her, "We would be very grateful."
"You expecting me to squeal on me mates or something?"
"Your mates? But those horrible greenskins were keeping you captive!" The Shas'El's eye twitched slightly as the face of his aide floated up mouthing "She seems happy" from the depths of his brain.
"I'm more captive now than I've been in years, ya git."
"That's not possible, our reconnaissance indicated that they were ordering you around! My goodness, how far have they broken you?
"They didn't break nothing. Big Mek and Warboss order everyone around anyway." She shrugged somewhat ineffectually, "I'm just another Ork."
"No, you are Tau. You are no Ork."
"I'm plenty Orky! I can feel the WAAAGH, ya git!"
"I am a Shas'El! Not a git!"
Blue tried to sit up in the chair but failed. It might have been a trap after all, "Oh, am I rumplin' yer shortz, ye dumb git?" K'Lem P'rer turned away quickly again, "Can't face me proppa neither, eh?"
"I suppose I will have to get Pan'zah to assign you to a reeducation camp. I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, but you are further gone that I had assumed. You will not enjoy reeducation." This last sentence carried a certain menace that actually somewhat worried Blue.
The Shas'El quickly strode to the door, "If you decide to change your mind at some point before we land, perhaps we can work something out." It opened, blocked off by a barrel and a cardboard box.
"What's the meaning of this? Who put these here?" He looked around into the corridor as Blue escaped the confines of the chair finally and scrambled for her spanner.
The top of the barrel popped open, revealing the face of an Ork. "Oi, we found Da Blue Grot!"
"Greenskins? On board? But that's impossible!"
"Wuz damn 'ard gettin' aboard, dat's fer sure!" The barreled Kommando struggled to pull a gun out of his container as the boxed Kommando got up, facing the wrong way.
Before K'Lem P'rer could shout for alarm, he was hit on the back of the head with a spanner.
The Kommandos stood in front of Blue and saluted best they could. She may have been smaller and weaker than them, but it was always a good idea to treat a lucky charm nicely.
"Whut's you wearin'?"
"Dunno, but it ain't proppa. Can't move around in these." She squatted down and started tugging at the finery that the Shas'El was wearing. "Help me get these off this git."
"Should we krump 'im?"
Blue shook her head as she pulled the fancy dress pants on. "Would be too easy on a git who has only mucked about. No point in validating his life by having him die on a mission." The git didn't even have a weapon on him. "Let him wake up and know that he's failed."
There was a crunch and a shudder as the craft lurched to a halt, as if grabbed out of midair. Blue could hear the engines straining.
"Den we should tell Boris not ta stomp on dis craft, eh?"

Big Mek Tinka himself was in the dropship alongside a few other Kommandos. They were keeping the Tau at bay, and had basically barricaded off the hallway that Blue was in with metal sheets pulled from the walls and floors. She jumped up and tapped the Big Mek on the shoulder, "You came for me!"
"Uv course, ya git. I wudda crossed da galaxy fer ya. 'Ow many good luck charms like you am I gunna find? Where'd you loot dose nobby clothing frum?"
Blue was dressed in full Shas'El regalia, undeniably fancy even to an Ork. The clothes were a little tight around the hips and chest, "Looted it from some dumb git. Let's go." The two Kommados that found her were hauling the comfortable chair with them.
"Kay, when I give da word, Boris will krump dis dropship and take us 'ome."
Blue shook her head, "We'd be stompin' them while they was still weak. They only brought their sneaky gitz with them. Let them go, and they'll be back with many more gitz for a proppa Orky fight. And then we can krump them."
"Ya gunna 'ave ta explain dat t'da Warboss."
"And I'm sure he'll want a proppa fight since these humies we've encountered are mostly weak and small and not fun to stomp."
"Fine," he turned to the Kommandos, "ALL ROIGHT YA GITS. WE IZ LEAVIN' DIS PARTY FER NOW." He shouted into a little device pinned to his shoulder, "BORIS, CUT US LOOSE BUT NO STOMPIN'." The claws of the titan closed on the Orca, ripping large holes into its sides in the middle of the shootout. The Orks and Blue pressed forward and grabbed hold of the claws. The claws then retracted and allowed the critically damaged ship to chug along for a bit before its engines petered out as it crashed unceremoniously into the ground. Boris then turned around, farted out a few grots to splatter on the broken craft, and left. Mini earthquakes followed in his wake.

After an hour or so of searching, Shas'Vre Pan'zah found the battered and bruised body of Shas'El K'Lem P'rer in the dark and debris. He was still breathing. He was also stripped to his underclothes. Amusing. Pan'zah grabbed the tattered and dirty robe and covered the Shas'El with it.
He stirred and coughed, "Status report, Shas'Vre?"
"We've crashed landed. The Orks grabbed us out of the sky, took that Fio'La back, and tossed us away like rubbish. Rescue will be here in before sunrise."
"We're going to have to tell the Shas'O, aren't we."
"Yes, Shas'El. You will, Shas'El."
"I'm telling you, retrieving that Fio'La will be a priority from now on."
"Let's decide that when you have clothes again, Shas'El."
"We'll crush them with our superior forces and firepower. We will end those Scraplootas. For the Greater Good."
"Of course we will, Shas'El."
K'Lem P'rer started to lose consciousness again, "Those were really Orks, weren't they, Pan'zah?"
Shas'Vre Pan'zah imagined the promotion he would receive in the near future, the Shas'O would probably grumble as he received it...
"No shit, Shas'El."