Oblivious Anon - Hearts & Hooves Day

Rarity

>You are Anon
>And you are currently suffering from a dreaded disease you brought with you from your homeland
>That. Feel.
>It's Hearts and Hooves Day, and ponies are running around being gay with one another
>Happy, loving gay, not queer.
>"Howdy Anon!"
>Braeburn cheers as he walks by with Caramel.
>Okay, queer too.
>But as for you...
>You sigh and toss back another beer.
>Such is the life of Equestria's only human.
>"Pardon, excuse me... Anonymous?"
>Rarity trots up to you with a smile on her face.
>Ouch, that really hurts to see her so cheery.
>Probably has a big date planned.
>You sigh and stare at the ground, trying not to sound utterly miserable.
>You fail.
"Hello Rarity."
>The posh pony's smile turns downward as she looks at you again.
>"Dear, are you feeling all right? You look simply miserable."
>She doesn't need to know the extent of your suffering.
>You wave her off and sigh.
"I'm fine."
>The mare's lips pull down further
>"Not with a tone like that; come darling, what's wrong?"
>Rarity hoists herself up on the bench beside you and pats her hoof against your knee.
>You make a face, but eventually relent, holding out your beer bottle towards the ponies having fun.
"Well, it's Hearts and Hooves day, and I'm alone again. Just, it hurts."
>Rarity nods a little and sighs.
>"I know exactly what you mean. I had my heart set on a particular dashing young male, and he never asked me..."
>You snort a little, suppressing a smile.
"So I guess we're two of a kind? Stuck alone, together for H&H Day?"
>You smile a little, offering her a bottle.
>Rarity's eyes register the briefest flash of hurt before she takes the glass and nods.
>"I suppose we are. Would you mind if I stayed here with you?"
>Shrugging, you chuckle and shake your head.
"Not at all, but I'm probably going to get mopey."
>Rarity flashes you a smile.
>"I'm here for you, dear."
"Of course."
>You sigh and settle back into your seat, watching ponies bounce by.
>Languishing in that feel.
>Same as it ever was.

Twilight

>Another Hearts and Hooves Day
>Ho-Fucking-Hum
>Once again, you're alone.
>Thankfully, you don't have to spend it by your lonesome; Twilight was nice enough to invite you over to read books.
>Not that reading books gets you hard or anything, but it's sweet of her to offer.
>So, here you are, leaning with your back against Twilight as the two of you read.
>She, "Marvelous Magical Methods"
>You, "Thirteen Steps to Happiness"
>The twelve step edition just didn't work for you.
>The minutes tick by and Twilight turns her head.
>You can feel her eyes staring into your shoulder.
>"So, um, A-Anon?"
>Grunting, you turn the page.
>Twilight takes the offered sound and continues.
>"I just wanted to say, thanks for coming over today. I'm, not the best at conveying how I feel, so Hearts and Hooves Day has always been a little... difficult."
>That's, kind of cute, in a very sad way.
>You tear your eyes away from the page and smile back at her.
"Completely understandable, it can be hard to get your message across sometimes."
>Twilight's eyes sparkle as she grins wider and nods.
>"Um, I was just wondering, if you'd like something to drink? I could make some tea..."
>You nod, deciding to humor her.
"Sure, sounds great."
>The purple pony makes a squeaky sound of delight before bouncing towards the kitchen.
>When she's out of sight, you sigh and hang your head.
>What a miserable day.
>"Hey, Anon!"
>You spot Spike, the purple dragon waving at you.
>"What are you doing sitting around here? Come on, Big Mac was telling me about this place where all the mares are really hungry for the D."
>Spike grins wider
>"I don't really know what he means by that, but it sounds like a dessert buffet! You comin?"
>You glance down at the page.
>'Follow your desires'
>You grin at the baby dragon.
"Sounds good. See you Twilight!"
>After you burst out the door, the purple unicorn trots back in, a confused frown on her face.
>"A-Anon?"
>She glances around the room, her frown deepening.
>"But... our date..."

Pinkie Pie

>Day H&H in Equestria
>You stroll into Sugar Cube Corner and immediately wish you hadn't.
>Couples everywhere, making lovey-dovey faces at one another.
>Just what you needed.
>As that feel kicks in, you stumble over to the counter.
>A puffy pink mane tickles you under your nose.
>"Heya Noingo-Boingo, happy Hearts and Hooves day!"
>You sigh and look over at Pinkie.
"Yeah, happy day to you too, Ponko."
>The happy mare smiles and holds out a box.
>"Here's your cookies! You sure you don't want to share them with anypony?"
>The mare bats her eyes.
>You shake your head, completely missing the action in the process.
"Nah, no one to share them with. Just going to drown my sorrows in confectioners sugar."
>Pinkie, undeterred, gives a small giggle.
>"Oh, I do that all the time! Well, have fun!"
>You grunt and leave, the party pony waving the whole time.
>Mrs. Cake trots up beside her employee.
>"Pinkie? You sure you want to let him go?"
>The pink mare turns and grins.
>"He won't be gone long; I wrote out a declaration of love with icing on those cookies. He'll be back to sweep me off my hooves in no time."
>Mrs. Cake smiles and nods, going back to work, leaving her expectant tenant with a silly grin on her lips.
>As you're walking home, a horn toots at you.
>Leaping out of the way of an oncoming bicycle, the package slips from your hands and lands in a puddle.
>You stare at the box as cookie crumbs slowly begin to float to the surface.
>With a grunt, you toss the box in the trash and shake your head.
>Hearts and Hooves day really bites.

Applejack

>Today's the day!
>You got a love letter in your mailbox from a secret admirer last week.
>They declared their love for you and asked you to meet them at a party going on at city hall on Hearts and Hooves night.
>You're not much for parties, but the chance at love is too good to pass up.
>You arrive dressed as well as can be expected, strolling into the party and smiling at the ponies there.
>The minutes slowly tick by and you begin to feel more and more out of place.
>You check the clock several times
>The meeting was over an hour ago at this point.
>As you squirm in discomfort, you finally lose your nerve and turn around, marching out.
>Stupid Hearts and Hooves day...
>Applejack, dressed to the nines with her hair pulled up in a bun, frowns, lowering her hoof and glancing to her friends.
>Tears well up in her eyes as she chokes out.
>"Why, why didn't he notice me? I kept tryin to call him over..."
>As the girls crowd around her, she rubs her hoof against her face.
>"I did everything I could to stand out too..."

Rainbow Dash

>Day Fuck This Day in Equestria
>Be hanging with your bro, Rainbow Dash.
>Since she's a total lesbian and the only homohorse in town, you're taking solace in one another's misery.
>You grab a handful of chips and crunch away.
>Dash, while your bro, is still a girl and loves to talk about the most inane things.
>"So, Thunderlane comes up to me and is like, 'Hey RD, I know you don't have a date for Hearts and Hooves Day, so what say you and me get together and...'"
>Dash makes a clicking noise with her tongue.
>You both laugh, though you end up spewing some chips in the process.
>Smirking, Dash continues her story.
>"So I told him, 'No way! I'm spending the day with Anonymous!' And he got really mad and stormed off."
>She lapses into silence, taking another sip from her drink.
>It's good to know that you've got such a great friend in Rainbow Dash.
>Willing to blow off a chance at a normal life to be miserable with you.
>You grin and throw an arm over her shoulder.
"Hey Dash?"
>The pegasus glances up at you, her bright red cheeks standing out starkly against her coat.
>"Y-yeah?"
"This is the start of something special, you know?"
>The blue blur's smile grows as she glances sheepishly down at her hooves.
>"I, I guess it is, huh? You and me...?"
>You nod and ruffle her mane.
"Who needs dates when we have each other, right bro?"
>You see Dash's expression falter, but she adopts a pained grin and closes her eyes.
>"Yeah, I, I guess. But, maybe we could, you know, try this Hearts and Hooves thing? You and me?"
>You buzz your lips and roll your eyes.
"No thanks. Too much trouble."
>Hopping to your feet, you start towards the kitchen.
"Can I get you another drink?"
>As you walk away, you hear Dash sigh.
>"Make it a double..."

Fluttershy

>Day When Will It End in Equestria
>Wake up
>Triple S
>You're pouring yourself a bowl of cereal when the knock comes at your door.
>With a sigh, you open the door and start your day off right.
"Good morning Fluttershy..."
>Giving her a quick once over, you shake your head.
"No, rose petals and candy are not my fetish."
>"O-Oh."
>Cowardly Custard frowns, the flowers visibly drooping in her hoof.
>As you move to close the door, she speaks up again.
>"Um, Anon?"
>Oh goodie
>Today's a two-fer.
>Putting on your best smile, you stick your head into the small opening and sigh.
"Yes, Fluttershy?"
>Butterstutter dances around, leaning heavily on one pair of hooves, then the other before biting her lip and looking up at you.
>"I-Is your fetish... a romantic dinner for two at Chez Magnifique in Canterlot, followed by dancing along a moonlit river boat ride, complete with fireworks, sparkling wine tasting,"
>Fluttershy pauses and takes a deep breath.
>"Afterwards coming back to Ponyville, sharing a chaste kiss before moving up the bedroom and having a tender, affectionate night of kissing, spooning and gentle love making?"
>When you don't immediately slam the door in her face, you can see her eyes widen.
>Muttering Margarine takes a hesitant step forward, doing that squeaking thing ponies do when they get excited.
>...She's totally making fun of your forever alone status.
"Bumbling Butterscotch, you're a cunt, you know that?"
>You slam the door closed and storm inside to eat your cereal.
>On the other side of the door you hear Fluttershy burst into tears.
>Fucking Hearts and Hooves day.
>And Fucking Fluttershy too.