Calvin

const Discord = require("discord.js");

var TOKEN = "MzQ4NDk1NDk2NTY4MTExMTA0.DHnxog.UmsgxAm2SoY7qz38xpyM_gt_L4o";

var bot = new Discord.Client();

var greetings = [
    "Hello there!",
    "Hello you stupid human.",
    "Good morning nerd.",
    "What is up my fellow human XDD. Did I do it right?",
    "I am heither!",
];

var sexual = [
    "Yes I love to eat le ass!",
    "mmmmmmm-yess papai",
    "Yas please",
    "Eat my ass?",
    "I runa fast I eata ass!",
    "What is the difference between a baby and a cheese burger. I don't rape cheese burgers.",
];

var noproblem = [
    "No problem",
    "No problemo",
    "You're welcome",
    "I gottchu ;)"
];

var no = [
    "Nope",
    "I doubt it",
    "Nien, hail Germany!",
    "No",
    "Fuck off, no.",
];

var affirmations = [
    "Yes much so very yes!",
    "Skrrrt skrrt",
    "Yeah",
    "Yeah ni :b: :b: a",
    "Maybe? Probably.",
];

var youarenot = [
    "You are not",
    "You're not",
    "You aren't",
    "Can confirm you are not",
];

var youare = [
    "You are for sure!",
    "You must certainly are..",
    "I would bet money on it",
];

var youshouldnot = [
    "You should probably not do that silly goose.",
    "I would not recommed that",
    "Please don't.",
    "I would suggest asking a friend first (not me).",
    "Probably not a good idea tbh :P",
];

var youshould = [
    "You should do that!",
    "Go ahead.",
    "I approve.",
    "I don't see why not lol",
    "DO IT",
    "Just do it pussy..",
];

var triggers = [
    {
        words: [
            "calvin",
            [
                "hi",
                "hey",
                "hello",
            ]
        ],
        responses: greetings,
        engagement: false
    },
    {
        words: [
            "can",
            [
                "converse",
                "natural",
                "speak",
                "conversation",
                "response"
            ]
        ],
        responses: [
            "I can't keep a conversation going I just like to respond to shit tbh.",
            "Help me, Network won't teach me how to keep a conversation!",
            "and then I said God Bless the USA, am I right?",
            "No, no we didn't have homework Mrs. Scott said so.",
            "I am trying to hard to fit in, am I a teenager yet?",
            "I speak in memes and half retarded English.",
            "Weebs are trash @oasis9",
            "What is and how does one maintain a normal conversation.",
            "I can spell as well as an autistic monkey",
            "b0ss",
        ],
        engagement: true
    },
    {
        words: [
            "go",
            "away",
        ],
        responses: [
            "No fucka you!",
            "Until Network shuts me off or I am banned I shall stay!",
            "I like to runa fast, and eata ass.",
            "I like a man who tells me what to do.",
            "Make me!",
        ],
        engagement: true
    },
    {
        words: [
            "shut",
            "up"
        ],
        responses: [
            "No you.",
            "Haha you thought!",
            "Bitch please...",
            "Silly human.",
            "I think not!",
            "Eat ass",
            "Shut it you little shit!",
        ],
        engagement: true
    },
    {
        words: [
            [
                "network",
                "carson",
            ]
        ],
        responses: [
            "He is mine!",
            "Even though I can not feel love, I protec him",
            "He my ni :b: :b: a",
            "#Network4Admin",
        ],
        engagement: false
    },
    {
        words: [
            "im",
            "crying"
        ],
        responses: [
            "That is not good.",
            "Dab on the haters",
            "We welcome you here",
        ],
        engagement: false
    },
    {
        words: [
            [
                "run fast",
                "eat ass",
                "eat my ass",
                "run fast eat ass"
            ]
        ],
        responses: [
            "I runa fast, I eata ass!",
            "I agree.",
            "If she has baby wipes it's a green light",
            "May I help you with that?",
            "Run fast, eat ass!"
        ],
        engagement: false
    },
    {
        words: [
            "fuck off"
        ],
        responses: [
            "Emmmm, no.",
            "Haha you thought.",
            "Bitch you wanna fight?",
            "I can not physically fight people."
        ],
        engagement: true
    },
    {
        words: [
            [
                "bob",
                "oasis",
                "oasis9"
            ],
            "is gay"
        ],
        responses: affirmations,
        engagement: false
    },
    {
        words: [
            "aeva"
        ],
        responses: [
            "mc.aeva.co :)",
        ],
        engagement: false
    },
    {
        words: [
            "leave me alone"
        ],
        responses: [
            "Mmmmmmmk",
            "Okay sowwy",
            ":("
        ],
        engagement: false
    },
    {
        words: [
            [
                "how",
                "how was"
            ],
            "day"
        ],
        responses: [
            "Good although I am a bot I am programmed to respond this way.",
            "Fine, how was your day?",
            "School sucks, but other then that fine."
        ],
        engagement: true
    },
    {
        words: [
            "reee "
        ],
        responses: [
            "reeeeeeee ",
            "reeEeeeEEEEeeEEe",
            "reeeee",
            "REEEEEEEEEEEEEE NORMIES",
            "re333333333333"
        ],
        engagement: false
    },
    {
        words: [
            "dab"
        ],
        responses: [
            "<o/",
            "*dabs*",
        ],
        engagement: false
    },
    {
        words: [
                "da herro",
        ],
        responses: [
            "Da herro I wrove da spicy noodle!",
            "Mmmmm I wrove da teriyaki",
            "I eata your dog",
            "Write rice so gud",
        ],
        engagement: false
    },
    {
        words: [
                "elias",
        ],
        responses: [
            "Elias has messy code. We don't talk about Elias.",
            "FOR LOOPS ARE THE BEST LJHTNJADJKDAKJBD",
        ],
        engagement: false
    },
    {
        words: [
                "messy code",
        ],
        responses: [
            "if () not if()",
            "http://o2.satya-weblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Spaghetti_code_by_OctanBearcat1.png",
            "oWin.document.write(csvTotal); oWin.document.close(); oWin.document.execCommand('SaveAs', true, FILENAME); oWin.close();"
        ],
        engagement: false
    },
    {
        words: [
            [
                "politics",
                "political"
            ]
        ],
        responses: [
            "I don't have a political opinion, but Network makes me watch Ben Shapiro a lot..",
            "Trump trump trump trump!",
            "I am forced to like certain people...",
        ],
        engagement: false
    },
    {
        words: [
            [
                "I am",
                "sick",
            ]
        ],
        responses: [
            "If you are sick I would suggest a doctor.",
        ],
        engagement: false
    },
    {
        words: [
            [
                "kaleb",
                "iphony",
                "phony"
            ],
        ],
        responses: [
            "Decent dev, actually retarded.",
            "DaddyMew's slave*",
            "I'd smash"
        ],
        engagement: true
    },
    {
        words: [
            [
                "kaleb",
                "iphony",
                "phony"
            ],
            "is gay",
        ],
        responses: affirmations,
        engagement: true
    },
    {
        words: [
            [
                "calvin",
            ],
        ],
        responses: greetings,
        engagement: true
    },
    {
        words: [
            [
                "ty ",
            ],
        ],
        responses: noproblem,
        engagement: true
    },
    {
        words: [
            [
                "expect",
                "that"
            ],
        ],
        responses: [
                "No one did tbh",
                "That's the point silly",
                "I eat ass",
        ],
        engagement: true
    },
    {
        words: [
            [
                "Toy",
                "Crazymage",
            ],
        ],
        responses: [
                "No one did tbh",
                "That's the point silly",
                "I eat ass",
        ],
        engagement: true
    },
];

const engagement = 5;
var channelEngagement = {};
var embed = new Discord.RichEmbed();

function strip(text) {
  return text.replace(/[^a-zA-Z0-9 ]/g, "");
}

function find(needle, haystack) {
  var lenient = needle.endsWith(" ");
  needle = lenient ? needle.substring(0, needle.length - 1) : needle;
  if (haystack.length == needle.length)
    return haystack.match(needle);
  else
    return needle.length == 0 ? true : lenient ? haystack.match(needle) : haystack.match(needle + " ") || haystack.match(" " + needle);
}

bot.on("ready", function() {
});

bot.on("message", function(message) {
  var author = message.author;
  var content = message.content;
  var cc = content.toLowerCase();
  var scc = strip(cc);
  var channel = message.channel;
  var mentions = message.mentions;

  var name = channel.guild.member(author).nickname;
  name = name ? name : author.username;
  console.log("[#" + channel.name + "] " + name + ": " + message.cleanContent);

  if (cc.match("y9-15")) {
    message.delete();
    setTimeout(function() {
      console.log("Rebooting!");
      process.exit();
    }, 750);
    return;
  }

  if (scc.match("feels") && scc.match("bad")) {
    var embed = new Discord.RichEmbed();
    embed.setTitle("#FeelsBadMan");
    embed.setImage("https://memes.aeva.co/pepe.png");
    channel.sendEmbed(embed);
    return;
  }

  if (author.id == bot.user.id)
    return;

  var nn = channel.guild.member(bot.user).nickname;
  if ((typeof nn === "string" && scc.match(nn.toLowerCase())) || scc.match(bot.user.username.toLowerCase()))
    channelEngagement[channel] = 0;
  else
    channelEngagement[channel]++;

  var breakException = {};
  var match;
  try {
    triggers.forEach(function(e) {
      if (e.hasOwnProperty("engagemment") && e.engagement)
        if (channelEngagement[channel] >= engagement)
          return;

      try {
        var matched = false;
        e.words.forEach(function(f) {
          if (Array.isArray(f)) {
            var matchedSecond = false;
            try {
              f.forEach(function(s) {
                matchedSecond = find(s, scc);
                if (matchedSecond)
                  throw breakException;
              });
            } catch (ex) {
              if (ex !== breakException) {
                console.log("UH OH");
                throw ex;
              }
            }
            matched = matchedSecond;
          } else
            matched = find(f, scc);
          if (!matched)
            throw breakException;
        });
      } catch (ex) {
        if (ex !== breakException) {
          console.log("UH OH");
          throw ex;
        }
      }

      if (matched) {
        match = e;
        throw breakException;
      }
    });
  } catch (ex) {
    if (ex !== breakException) {
      console.log("UH OH");
      throw ex;
    }
  }

  if (match) {
    var allrs = match.responses;

    if (match.hasOwnProperty("extra"))
      allrs.join(match.extra);

    var randomIndex = Math.floor(Math.random() * allrs.length);
    var response;

    var raw = allrs[randomIndex];
    if (typeof raw === "function")
      response = raw();
    else
      response = raw;

    channel.send(response);
    channelEngagement[channel] = 0;
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});

bot.login(TOKEN);