Jack Gits Gud: A Jumpchain Snippet

Jack Gits Gud: A Jumpchain snippet

"Jack. Jack, listen to me" urged the disembodied spirit wearing a beaked mask "this is a terrible idea. This is worse than your idea of making pandabots"

"Hey, lay off the pandabots!" whined the pasty, reheadead boy genius currently attempting to drill into an ancient shrine in a mountain cave somewhere on the outskirts of Dubai. Several nearby drones supervised, some drilling, others carrying portable air conditioners. "I'm telling you, they would've been a perfectly good idea if Pandabubba hadn't sued for plagiarism!"

"Imbecile! Putting aside your idea to run hyperadvanced machinery on ALCOHOL, might I remind you that the chi signature of this...this entity is unlike anything I've ever sensed before?!" Wuya screeched. "I sense a great, unspeakable evil emanating from beneath the bedrock, like nothing I've ever seen since-well, looking into a mirror I suppose. Actually-I sense something worse than evil within this being, Jack! Something...alien, that shouldn't exist! And the really confusing thing is-I sense great good too!"

"Yadda yadda yadda, Wuya, you're thinking too much! I'm evil, you're evil, he's evil, once I revive him-at half power of course-I'm sure we'll all get along fine! After all" he bragged, trying to ignore the inexplicable horror and revulsion that began to fill the cave and creep through his brain like a nest of spiders "I'm the greatest evil boy genius of all time! I'm a natural leader!"

"Gah! Fine! Just don't blame me when things go wrong!" snapped Wuya. "I'm going back to the lair, because /any moment now/ something big and bad is going to break out of the bedrock, chew through your robots like the scrap metal they are and start ruining EVERYTHING for EVERYONE-"

-the bedrock cracked. And a rush of tenebrous, undulating pseudopodia broke out, several strands smacking into Jack before he even had time to scream. More and more came out, like a surge of vines growth fastforwarded, until the cave was full of rushing tentacles. More and more tentacles rushed out of the rock-to Wuya's shock, some of them could whacked into her with solid force before she dodged out of their way. There was a rush of magical energy-and those robots who weren't crushed in the initial surge suddenly exploded. Black and green, they pulsed with energy, supple yet strong like reinforced rubber, with flashes of glowing red energy riippling down them now and then. Wuya furiously tried to remember what, if any, Heylin Apprentice could /possibly/ resemble this abomination, while Jack had only stopped screaming because he'd run out of air, and was on the verge of catatonia.

The tendrils soared higher, and higher, encircling the skies. Ghostly apparations manifested, red lightning crackled between the strands and the maws of hideous monsters opened and shut, struggling to escape their inky oubliette. At last, the surge terminated in a massive, rotating, deformed spiral that hovered ominously above the desert.

A perfectly normal human voice spoke-from many mouths. "Whew, I NEEDED that. Man, I really should've thought about the whole being sealed away for 1500 years thing before doing this. Oh well, easy come easy go". The spiral paused. Various eyes appeared all over its biomass, scanning the environment. "But I digress! At last: After 1500 years, I'm free, to-"

One of the eyes widened, taking in the figures on the mountain. "...oh, it's...huh. Those guys. Go figure. Thought you guys would be harder to find, actually. How's it going?"

There was silence for a while, punctuated by Jack's renewed sobbing. "...could be worse, I suppose" offered Wuya. "Generally, this is the part where something starts mugging Jack here for Shen Gong Wu"

"Oh yeah-about that. Hey, HEY JACK! LISTEN! JACK! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?!" Cringing like a whipped dog, the boy genius gawked at the thing-that should-not-be yelling at him. "Congratulations kiddo, you won the karmic lottery today-because I'm your Heylin fairy godfather! We're gonna do great things together, you and I!"

"Evil-wha?" whimpered Jack. "What" deadpanned Wuya.

"Alright hang on, gimme a sec" The spiral compressed itself, tentacles streaming down and compressing impossibly, fitting into a humanoid shape that hurt the eyes to look at and pulsated like old blood. A watery, white pair of eyes and a cartoon mouth drew themselves on the thing's face. "That's better. Now where were we?"

"Heylin fairy godfathers. Which aren't a thing" Wuya floated backwards, cautiously. "What manner of Heylin master /are/ you?"

"Oh, it doesn't matter who I am" scoffed the humanoid abomination. "What matter is OUR plan! Right, Jack?" It clapped the trembling boy on the shoulder. "You ready to take over the world, rule it with an iron fist and earn the respect and adoration you've been owed from the whole world!"

"I-yes! YES OH MY GOD THANK YOU" squaled Jack, snapping out of his horror to grab the figure in a bear hug. "THANK YOU SO MUCH ohmigod you're amazing, you're incredible-so evil!-I just knew you'd see things my way! I knew it! Everyone doubts me and nobody gives me any respect-I’m so lonely-but I KNEW, I KNEW someone out there would see my potential to be the best evil boy genius there ever was and” he suddenly lurched back “ew ew ew why do you feel worms?”

“Just call it anti-hug armor, kid. And you can call me Anon” laughed the entity.  “Anyways-I’ve been watching you for a while now.  Long, long before I got stuck in that ol’ puzzle box. I gotta say-I had my doubts at first” Jack winced “-but y’know what? You got the gift kid! I mean, you’re really good at this whole robotics thing, y’know? Even back when I was your age, I don’t think I could’ve run an enterprise on your scale AND get the bills paid on time. You’ve got a good line in treachery and creative problem solving.  And best of all-you’re creative!”

“I know, right?!” Jack was hopping up and down, a silly grin on his face. “So-can we take over the world now? Can we? CAN WE?!”

“Whoa whoa whoa, slow down, partner! Let’s have a look at your flaws, first!”

“But I don’t have flaws!” protested Jack “I’m an evil genius! I’m so smart, I can think circles around people, and come up with, like, a bazillion master plans before-”

A blow of invisible force took Jack off his feet and dumped him into the sand. Wuya cackled as the boy reached between his legs and started dry-heaving

“See what you did there? You can’t expect people to sit around and wait for you to finish talking all the time, Jack. Gloating’s a sucker’s game. And-you wanna know something funny?”

“…mnah?”

“This whole Heylin business is holding you back. All of it. You’re not cut out to be some sort of kung fu wizard, working with what you’ve got right now”

“Urgh…w-wha?” Jack stammered, unsteadily rising to his feet. “B-b-but you said you were going to help me take over the world-“

“From a /boardroom/, my boy” At some point, Anon had clapped one arm around Jack’s skinny shoulders and started marching vaguely in the direction of the nearest city, Wuya grumpily following the pair. “What do you want, Jack? To spend your life getting into fisticuffs with some, some multicultural representatives who punch you in the face all the time? Don’t you want to afford better things for your evil lair? Your robots? Heck, with the money you could make you could pay off people to get your public image up to scratch! Get all the girls you ever wanted fawning over the boy genius who’s about to change the world we live in-”

“Uh” Jack blushed. “About that-“

“Point is: Once you have a steady job, you’ll have all the free time you NEED to get your robots up to scratch for kicking Shaolin butt. With your brains and penchant for backhanded dealing, you’ll be taking the corporate world by storm! It’s like wheeling and dealing with the Heylin, but your opposition doesn’t have magical powers! Well…most of ‘em”

Jack seemed to consider this for a moment, his eyes hazing over with dollar signs and stifled resentment. “I don’t wanna go to school” he whined. “School’s boring and I hate going to classes-“

“University, actually.  And again: Boy genius, yes? Apply yourself, and you’ll do just fine.  Well, not dressed like that. C’mon, we’re giving you a makeover-and then I’m going to share with you a little something I call otherworldly cosmic power”

Jack opened his mouth to retort, and closed it. “…dude”

Anon waved a hand. A blue portal appeared near them. “So here’s the deal: You’re going to get a makeover. You’re going to go back to school, earn your degree-think of it as being undercover with the good guys, if that helps. You’re giving me a 50% cut in any Shen Gong Wu we collect-you, of course, can have the first one we pick up. And in exchange-I’m going to give you the magic, might, insight and backing you’ll need to rule the world with minimum effort”

He extended a hand. “Do we have a deal, Mr Spicer?”

“50 PERCENT?!” shrieked Wuya. “Don’t think either of us believe a word out of your mouth for a /moment/ you lying, fast talking charlatan of a-why do I even bother” she groaned as Jack had not only already grabbed onto Anon’s hand, but collapsed to his knees, breaking down in incoherent tears of happiness.  “Well…I suppose I won’t be wanted here. I’m off“

Anon glanced at her, one eye brow manifesting and raising itself. “The reversing mirror” he whispered.

“…what of it?” snapped Wuya, eyes narrowed.

“You have an interest in it” Anon declared, the bonhomous tone of his voice refusing to abate even as Jack tried to kiss his shoes while holding on to his hand. “Just as you have an interest in the serpent’s tail. What if I could get it for you and-some other items? I’m open to negotiation, it’s not like I’ll need all of those things”

“Hah. Very well” conceded Wuya grudgingly.

“Aw, why’s she coming along? What’re you guys talking about, anyway?” asked Jack as they stepped-and floated-through the portal

“Oh, just talking shop, you know how it is!” Anon cheerily announced as they talked through a busy Dubai bazaar. “Rule one of the global dictator business: Always learn as much about anyone and anything new that might get involved in your plans. I’m not saying to have a plan to kill everyone you meet, but-well, you might want to consider having a plan to /defeat/ everyone you meet”

“I-I guess that makes sense.  Where’re we going, anyway?”

“Little taste of good things to come, Jackie-boy” Anon grinned, withdrawing a key from within his shadows as he faced a battered door. “This is where the magic happens. Welcome…to the Warehouse”

==============================================================

Two years could change a lot in a growing boy. After much hemming and hawing Jack had been persuaded to swap out his iconic trenchcoat, goggles and messy mop of hair for a sensible crew cut and a smart casual ensemble with colors other than black. It was even trickier picking a course,  though he was finally persuaded to take Business Studies after Anon pointed out all the adoring fans he earned at the robotics club after Jack, in a fit of boredom, built a sentient Big Dog-esque machine out of a copywriter and rode it through the halls like a bucking bronco. Anon himself proved to be a savvy business; based on selling some sort of solar panel investors everywhere were paying top dollar for shares. Jack himself had quickly figured out all the internships he’d been getting had something to do with a certain mysterious shapeshifting benefactor, who would periodically check up on him in various forms, wink and give him the thumbs up.

To his own surprise, Anon and his associates’ training regiment (while often leaving him beaten, bruised and twitching from genetic experimentation) had Jack feeling far more confidant and capable than he’d felt in-well, ever. Sometimes he wondered what Wuya and Anon were talking about all the time, but he’d decided it was probably some sort of niche Heylin stuff which-didn’t seem all that important these days. He’d hadn’t actually thought about his old life in ages; after a few pointers from Anon Jack quickly managed to at least not alienate everyone on campus. Within weeks he’d made a name for himself as a tech-savvy young entrepreneur who was thought of as “the cool kind of geek” as he overheard at the cafeteria. Certainly he’d never had so many people try to get to know him, and soon Jack founded himself  the president of several societies, where he got a kick out of telling people what to do.

And so on graduation day, Jack found himself practically skipping past the janitor tidying someone’s mess, out into the open air (how had he managed without this stuff for years?), contemplating the turnaround he’d seen his life go through as he clutched his diploma (First honors) with pride. He wondered if Anon was fighting with the Shaolin Warriors at that very moment; Jack’s newfound skill as a young entrepreneur kept him busy inventing and, yes-interested in the course material, with his professors’ praise of such a creative and talented young man finally driving him away from distraction for once in his life. For once, he thought, he was finally being given the respect he was due.

He walked into the alley, where the janitor morphed into the familiar face of Anon. Anon waggled a key at Jack, who by now was kind of used to his mentor just sort of popping out of random people in a flurry of tentacles.

“How was your extra-credit assignment?” he asked.

“Eh, not too bad” shrugged Jack. “Had to fall back on some Elder Scrolls stuff and ecto-tech, but I got it working in the end” He gestured at the air, brandishing a pair of compact magitech gauntlets. “Hey Alchemy-bot, bust that wall down willya?”

From behind a bin, the concealed drone expanded, revealing several circles of alchemic formulae-which started glowing and cycling. A blast of concrete rose up to knock a hole in a nearby wall.

“That’s the spirit, Jack” said Anon, opening the Warehouse. “If it ain’t working, apply another paradigm of scientific enquiry or magical theory. Anyway,  I know you’re looking forward to your graduation present-but we got some stuff to take care of first”

Four people were playing poker around a table; even now, Jack instinctively stayed with Anon between himself and the group. “Oh hey, Anon’s back. How’s the runt, boss?” asked a punkish woman with red and black hair, who was wiping what looked like ketchup from her lips.

“Aww, lay off him Mary, he remotely performed alchemy today! He’s come a long way from the foppish little geek we all knew and tolerated!” retorted  Anon. “Oh, and speaking of which-ASAMI! Do the thing!”

“The thing?” asked a tall Japanese woman cut like Bruce Lee, currently holding the Ace of Clubs. “You sure about that, boss? The thing, right here, right now?”

“That’s right! Do it!”

“Alrighty then” And in the blink of an eye, the martial artist flung a handful of steel cards at Jack, while grabbing her chair and flipping over the table to bring it crashing down on the boy. His heart pounding, Jack barely cartwheeled out of the way in time, crouching down in a low stance as Asami’s right arm blurred at him. A parry, a backflip, a roll-Jack sidestepped and screeched as he lunged at the woman in a spinning kick. Taking the offence, he unleashed a fury of slower but less predictable palm strikes, a few improvised pressure point techniques, retreating whenever his blows were turned aside all the while his feet whirled about the warehouse floor like a dervish. At last, he rolled under a kick and grappled his opponent-only for her to body slam him into the ground, knocking the wind out of his chest.

Shaking her head sadly, she announced “Sorry boss. I was going at less than 25% power and I still floored him. I’ve done my best but he just can’t take a hit. Slippery little fella, though, he’s no fighter but he can dodge alright”

“Fine, fine!” Anon was hammering on the side of an odd engine, the one he called a “geneforge”. “We’re not all cut out to be warriors Jack, and warrior is kind of Asami here’s thing. Hey Sensei! SENSEI! The new kid’s here for his injection!”

“BLADES OF GLORY NO JUTSU!” shouted the downed boy, whirling as he delivered a turning kick towards the back of his mentor’s head radiating ice chakra as it swept through the air like a comet-only for the woman to instinctively dodge it as Jack’s motion carried him back to standing-only for an errant backfist to catch him in the face.

“A for effort Jack, but-don’t push your luck alright?” Asami helped the cowering boy to his feet, handing out some tissues. “If you’re going to fight dirty” chimed in Anon, “/don’t/ fight anything like your opponent. If they’re experienced, they’ll see it coming anyway”

“Wub we gon-“ Jack asked, and stopped when a long-haired man climbed out of the geneforge.

“Take it easy Jack, your regeneration should be setting in any moment” tutted Orochimaru, advancing on Jack with a massive needle full of purple fluid. “And don’t be such a big baby, you need this healthy dose of amino acids and prions if you want to grow up-well, tall at least”

“Uh, Anon? Is this really necessary? And uh, what are we gonna do tonight?” asked Jack, forcing himself to backpedal slowly instead of run away.

“’fraid so. Don’t worry, we’re just making sure you don’t catch any nasty side effects from your Chakra infusion” Anon cocked his head. “Wouldn’t want you to miss out on your graduation present, after all”

“Wait you mean this isn’t-ARGH” yelped Jack, as Orochimaru took advantage of his distraction to put him in a taijitsu hold and inject the fluid straight into his deep muscle.

“All better!” announced Orochimaru cheerfully. “Now you /don’t/ have to worry about your Chakra and plasmids spontaneously combusting from being so close to each other in a year or so!”

“…really? Oh. T-thanks doc” mumbled Jack, rubbing his thigh and trying to ignore the bees spilling out of his pockets.

After he’d recovered his bearing, Anon announced the itinerary: He’d set up a meeting with one of Jack’s old associates from his villain days to retrieve a Shen Gong Wu.

Jack’s part, he noted, would be very crucial in that plan. And as he explained it, Jack’s stomach filled with lead. Which was absurd, he knew this was coming but-

Following that, Jack would be formally announcing the opening of his company and his joint project with Jack-practically an unprecedented event given Anon’s guise as a fairly venerable CEO and Jack’s recent graduation. Following that, they’d be discussing how to deal with would-be dogooders and pesky rivals such as-

“-Chase Young?” asked Jack, trying to delay the inevitable. “Why haven’t you dealt with him already, Anon? I mean, you could literally, I dunno, step on him or something. Didn’t you murder all his cats with a virus last week?”

“Why?” asked Anon. “Remember Jack: He keeps all the other Heylin in line from time to time, and since he’s no threat to me individually-why waste time and effort going to fight him on his home turf, instead of letting him come to me? The only way he could possibly be a threat is if he gets desperate enough to start using those things” Anon nodded at a pile of Shen Gong Wu next to Orro, the gigantic third card player.

“You mean-like the Wu we’re trading from Selina tonight?”

“Exactly! And I’ve been reliably informed that him-along with a few other vested parties-will be making a grab for it as well”

“Makes sense, I guess. Heh, remember when you framed Pandabubba for animal abuse and put him out of business?”

“Exposed, not framed -he was /already/ running a panda bear bile factory, I just told a few interested parties the facts of the case. I guess he just couldn’t BEAR a bazillion lawsuits at the same time!”

Jack and Anon shared a brief evil laugh. Just like old times, thought Jack.

“But seriously-you’re going to learn a lot tonight, Jack. About evil. About how to doublecross with the best. You’ve done a good job so far, and now’s your chance to prove your dedication to evil once and for all!”

“Sweet!” cheered Jack, almost like he meant it.

“Don’t do it”. The fourth card player, a pink haired young woman was looking at Jack with-pity? He’d never tried to talk to Elodie; she didn’t have Asami’s build or Mary’s-well, her everything really-but there was something about the way she carried herself.

“Jack” she repeated “you go along with Anon’s plan-you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life”

“Y-you better not be threatening me, ‘cause-“

“I’m not threatening you, Jack. I’m telling the truth”

He averted his eyes; that look she kept giving him. It was like she was attending a funeral.

“So when do we meet?” he mumbled.

Anon opened the door with a flourish. “Right about now”

And in an hour or so Jack found himself in a seedy backroom behind a casino in Vegas. Anon had announced he’d be keeping an eye out for  stragglers, which left him alone on the other side of a billiards table with a blonde thief in a catsuit. Between them was a sack. He said nothing. His palms sweated.

“Long time no see, Jackie-boy!” chirped K-Ashley, thought Jack. Her name is Ashley. “Thought you were out of the Heylin business, you Anon’s sidekick now or something?”

“I was”

“Wait, retired or Anon’s sidekick? Ohmigosh, don’t tell me you’re doublecrossing him already!” Katnappe clutched her cheeks in mock horror. “Haha, but seriously-I really wouldn’t. Anon’s really been making waves in the Heylin community, y’know? Don’t tell me how I know, but I heard he recently burnt down the Shaolin Warriors temple! They say he hangs around with Wuya all the time, and that she-“

“Ashley” Jack rasped. “Ashley,  I’m not”

“Wow, you must in tight with him then! He barely ever works with anyone! Hey, can you do me a solid and put in a good-“

“Ashley. I, you-who are you? We’ve worked together for ages and sometimes-I dunno, I feel like a barely know you”

She snorted in derision. “Geez Jack, I swear I’m leaving this deal here and now if you’re trying to hit on me”

“No, no wait-Katnappe” Jack blurted. “I’m sorry. I-I’m not trying to hit on you but I just. I just wanted to. I don’t want this to be the last time you and I meet and not know anything about you. I, you’re my /friend/, Ash. I just”

“Well, don’t call me Ashley alright? I’m kinda on the job here” Katnappe was starting to look worried.

Jack grimaced. “…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.  I shouldn’t have said anything”

“Jack, what-“

“I’m so sorry” Jack whispered as he fired the shotgun wired underneath the table.

He shut his eyes.

He squeezed the trigger again.

After a while, someone clapped him on the shoulder.

He turned his head. He made to open his eyes. Anon’s presence darkened the room, and he couldn’t read his expression. Mostly because Anon wasn’t bothering to manifest a face.

“I told you not to talk to them, Jack” Jack wanted to tell himself he was in awe of Anon’s evil, that he wasn’t scared shitless of the /thing/ that was holding a jar for some reason.

“I told you nothing good would come of it”

Jack gulped. “I killed her”

“You don’t want to kill” Anon stated.

Jack realized he’d started crying, for the first time in years. “I-I don’t know what I want” he mumbled. “I want-she’s my friend”

“All this time I’ve been teaching you. Teaching you how to break a man with numbers and how to build machines to get the job for you.  And you never thought it would come to this?”

Jack buried his head in his arms.

He tried not to listen to the gurgling and gasping. He tried not to think about K-her, sprawled on the ground because he pulled a trigger.

Anon looked at him for a moment, and sat down next to him, putting down the jar.

“I’ve stabilized her breathing” he announced.

Jack looked up, his eyes red and puffy. “Y-y-you mean-“

“Nanomachines, Jack” Anon didn’t sound angry or even disappointed. Jack was wondering if he felt anything at all. “They harden in response to physical trauma. Right now, they’re stabilizing the bleeding, accelerating the healing process and preventing shrapnel from spreading. She’ll live. She might even walk again after a few months”

Jack said “I don’t want to do this anymore” and meant it.

Anon nodded slowly. “I know. But you want to be successful. You take pride in your skills”

Jack nodded.

There was silence for a while. Finally, Anon reached over and put his arms around the boy for a moment.

When he let go, he said “I’ve called an ambulance. Do you still want to start up your company?”

Jack choked. He swallowed and said “Yes”. He stood up, and met Anon with watery but resolute eyes.

Anon smiled. “That’s the spirit, Jack. But first-we’re going to have to take care of a few things”

They went out of the backroom. Jack noticed everyone had left at some point; it might have had something to do with Orro’s massive, powerarmored bulk and the minigun he was toting on one arm.  There was a man on his knees with his arms tied behind his back and a hood on his face. Asami leaned on a nearby table and waved at Jack, who understood why the man was covered in bruises. A girl he didn’t recognize played with fire in her hands, and Jack realized why the man’s clothes were singed. And Mary was playing the piano, singing “Non, Je ne regrette rien”. Jack squinted, and saw the wirelike cappilaries sticking out of the man’s upper body-and all the way along the ceiling, to Mary’s fingertips-and understood why drops of blood spattered all about the man, who twitched and jerked now and then.

Anon had opened the jar. Something tried to crawl out-and before it could, he snatched it up and swallowed it.

“Our friends at the Xiaolin Temple do fine work” he said to no one in particular, as Hannibal Roy Bean screamed, his already withered and roasted form subsumed by acidic tentacles. “I’m still amazed they were completely accepting of an unknown variable they’ve barely known for a month providing crucial information about one of their most infamous foes”

“They’re just kids, Boss. But” warned Asami “I think the old man knows I know more than I should. I shouldn’t go back”

“Agreed. But all in all, I view Operation Sixth Ranger as a success given we acquired the Moby Morpher, even if cut short. Don’t you agree, Mr. Young?”

Jack felt sick. He saw the hood fall off his one-time idol, who looked up at Anon with shock-and then determined resignation.

Anon immediately put his hand over his face. There was a burst of lightning, and the smell of burning flesh.

Jack looked away.

“Jack?”

Jack didn’t move.

“Jack, I want you to look. I gave you this power, remember? It’s okay if you don’t want to be evil anymore. It’s okay if you want out. But you have to understand the consequences of what I’ve given you”

Out of the corner of his eye, Jack saw something moving-

“NO, Mary” For the first time that night, Anon raised his voice. “There’s no need for that. I trust Jack to make the informed choice here”

“Psh, moodkiller. Alright fine, have it your way” grumbled Mary, barely an inch away from Jack. Slowly, the boy turned around.

He watched Chase die.

“He was an annoyance. Now he is a statistic” said Anon. The tone of his voice hadn’t changed throughout the night, Jack realized. This was business as usual for Anon.

Jack didn’t say anything.

“Well, time’s a wasting” Anon clapped his hands, and invisible force brushed what was left of Chase Young underneath a nearby table. “We’ve got places to be tonight, you and I. You ready to enter the world of big business, Jack?”

“Yes” said Jack.  Slowly, he realized one of his hands was clenched into a trembling fist. “Wait!”

“Hmm?”

“The Xiaolin warriors. Anon, I-I gotta know…what did you do to them?”

Anon looked at the ceiling thoughtfully as he walked briskly.

“Nothing much so far. For now, they’re merely homeless”

==============================================================

It was the tenth year since he’d met Anon, on Christmas day.

“Thanks for accepting my invitation, Anon. I wasn’t sure you’d come after-well, I know you’re a busy guy” said Jack Spicer, yuppie CEO of Spicer Enterprises (the world’s only exporter and producer of almost self-sustaining, all purpose Utility-Bots™, as well as the pollution recycling Eco-Bots™ and spacefaring Astro-Bots™ amongst other revolutionary products) as he forced a smile.

The man in the tuxedo quickly assumed his natural humanoid form. The woman who he’d arrived linking arms with giggled as his arm rippled along with the rest of his body, her red hair and facial tattoos lending her a certain predatory appeal. For some reason she seemed to have a chopstick in the pocket of her robes.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, my boy!” Anon laughed heartily. “Gosh, young people these days-you grow up so fast I can barely recognize you from the scrawny little nebbish I helped out all those years ago!”

“Let’s not dwell on the past” Jack smiled, trying to hide his nervousness as he poured wine.  “It’s…really been something.  Going into business, I mean. Feels-well, really silly I didn’t do this sooner, y’know?”

“I always knew you had the gift, Jack. You just needed a little advice, and a push in the right direction-oh, and several chakra injections. I’m sure those help, on top of weekly sparring to build character”

Jack smiled in nostalgia, in spite of himself.

The restaurant they were being served in overlooked New York. It was so exclusive that it had been custom built on top of Jack’s office, and only had one table; it was basically a private canteen. Jack frowned; he hadn’t accounted for Anon bringing friends, but if need be he was sure he could take down his minion along with Anon. It would only be a minor adjustment

“I suppose you’re the main ruling force of Heylin now?” asked Jack. “Haven’t been up to date on what they’ve been up to recently”

“Stuff and nonsense. Why would I ever want to do that? It’s never been about taking over the world for me, my boy” Anon grew eyes, rolled them, and sublimated them again. “After all, if it were I wouldn’t have bothered to teach you all your tricks”

“Then I gotta ask: Why? What was the point? You spent two years teaching me to be evil-or, I dunno, maybe you were trying to teach me to be good or-something, look the point is-Why do this? Why me?” Jack almost shouted, his composure threatening to unravel.

“Why, the challenge, dear boy” Anon raised his head to the ceiling. “The challenge…it keeps my benefactress happy”

“Benefactress?

“Jack, there are beings beyond time and space, causality and creation” Anon spoke as cheerfully as when they’d first met, despite the subject matter. “To a thing as grand as they, our pride and sorrow are of equal clout. Each as important as the other-each a novel form of entertainment. And to fail to entertain one in particular would bring an end to-well. That’s a little harder to explain, but suffice to say I have a vested interest in building you up”

The woman kicked him playfully. “Trying to make me jealous, Anon? What’s so special about this other woman?”

“Not at all” Anon’s fingers and eyes met hers. “Believe me-the benefactress is not one to trifle with. But that brings me to my next point, Jack”

“Which is?” Jack tried not to shudder at something in her voice.

“I’m leaving”

“You’re a busy man, Anon. I’m sure you’ve got lots of places-“

“Not the country, Jack. The universe. No, the multiverse. The totality, if you will, of all existence”

Jack regarded Anon with silence.

“And I just wanted to take this chance to say goodbye” concluded Anon “because-and you’re perfectly free to disbelieve at this point-when I leave, no time will pass. Everything, everyone you know, will-“

“You won’t be leaving, Anon” said Jack quietly.

“Huh?”

“Not now, not ever, you’re going down YOU MURDERER!” screamed Jack, launching a fist straight at the Jumper. Who caught it, and flipped Jack over the table.

Jack rolled and raised his gauntlets. A concrete wall smashed into where the Jumper was a second ago; Jack barely blocked his biological blade with a shield of kinetic force. The ceiling’s panels opened up and dozens of turrets fired-Anon gritted his teeth as he was pelted with incendiary rounds and worse despite his superhuman speed, even as he deflected a few with his butterknife. In a blast of entropic magic, some of them shorted out-only for others to glow brightly as alchemized lines absorbed the magic.

Jack had pulled out an electrified staff from somewhere, and brought it sharply down on Anon-only to be blasted with a surge of Haki that knocked aside nearby furniture and also the windows. Again he raised his hands to shower Anon in lightning, surges of chakra, and frosty blasts-all of which failed against the magical shield Anon would have rammed Jack with if he hadn’t been a second quicker on the update, blindsiding his former mentor with varied energy bursts and a side order of bees. In response, a burst of tentacles punched through the floor and most of the roof, several sending Jack sprawling across the ground despite his quick reflexes. Another quick gesture-and a Genjutsu illusion permeated the room with fog.

“Theatricality and deception. Powerful agents to the uninitiated” commented Anon as he vaguely sauntered through the illusory maze, swatting at stray bees. “But we are initiated, aren’t we Jack?”

He winced as an errant bolt of plasma caught him in the sides. With a casual Force pull, the rest of the turrets were yanked out and crushed. Poison gas started spewing from the floor; Anon panted a little as the combined firepower and gas finally started to have an effect.

“I tire of this game. Accio!” From behind a couch, Jack came flailing to Anon’s grasp-but turned his motion into a dropkick. Anon unsheathed an energy blade and cleanly sliced through the assailent

Circuitry and ruined gears scattered all around him, some still smoking hot. Anon kicked the ruined Jackbot™ aside, searching for the real boy-

-and a puzzle box fell out.

There was a blinding flash of light. Circuitry and arcane sigils inscribed throughout the building glowed and hummed. And the Heylin master vanished. Only the box remained.

A trapdoor opened. Jack-the real Jack-scrambled away from the command center where he’d been piloting his doppleganger across the floor, scarcely believing he’d finally put one over his old mentor. He picked up the cube, and had to fight the urge to throw it. After what he’d seen, he had to take this to a secure Shaolin vault-even if that meant getting into contact with his old enemies-coming clean about everything and making sure this thing was locked down tighter than-

-Someone was clapping.

Jack slowly turned to regard the red-haired, barefooted woman, holding the odd chopstick as a forcefield of green fire dissipated around her.

“Oh /bravo/, boy genius. I for one never thought you’d actually get this far, even with the help you’d been given! Shame it’s come to this really. Alohomora!”

The spell, supercharged with Heylin might, quickly caught up with the box even as Jack threw it. Mid flight, green flames swept over it, disintegrating until a blackened, shadowy phantasm bloomed out of the box, floating upwards and solidifying until Anon stood once more before Jack, none the worse for the wear.

“I’ve upheld my end of the bargain. I trust you’ll do the same?” Jack’s jaw dropped as he finally recognized Wuya’s voice. He also realized that at some point he’d fallen to his knees, Anon’s Haki effortlessly sapping him of the will to fight.

“But of course. What would be the point of an Unbreakable Oath if it was, well-breakable?” Anon swaggered across the wreckage, and met Jack’s eyes-as invisible fists suddenly started punching at the ceiling until it was completely removed in a matter of seconds.

“There we go” he said, making some odd hand gestures at Wuya. “Half and half, as promised”

Wuya raised her hands to the skies. Which were now on fire with green, searing Heylin flames. “Mmm, now that’s more like it. A pleasure doing business with you, Jumper. I don’t suppose you’ve reconsidered the last part of our agreement?”

“Afraid not. You’ve got all your power back Wuya, all of Asia’s yours for the taking. But my…dubiously loyal apprentice has worked hard to get where he is today.  He’s more than earned a week’s head start before you turn your attentions to the rest of the world”

“Well, I suppose I can allow that considering I will soon be the last Heylin Master in existence” Wuya tossed the wand back to Anon, who caught it smoothly. “Will I ever see you again?”

“Oh yes. Not for a while, sooner than you think but-yes. One day, in the distant future I shall return to this world you two will no doubt be fighting over now that all the competition has been removed. Winner gets to come with me on a /fantastic/ adventure across the worlds!”

“All?” croaked Jack.

Anon turned to him, a wry smile scribbling itself on his amorphous visage. “Well…not quite. A certain Xiaolin terrorist organization is still on the run, after suffering some unfortunate thefts, assassination attempts, public framings and one spectacular betrayal, if I do say so myself”

“You didn’t kill them?”

“Four children and an elderly man? Jack, please. I didn’t /have/ to kill them” The pressure around Jack abated and he slowly rose to meet Anon’s gaze. “All in all-great setup with that robotic switcheroo and the puzzle box; keeping it simple minimizes the ways a plan of attack can go wrong. Now, what did you do wrong?”

“Uh, I-I didn’t recognize Wuya?” Jack wondered how he was going to die while Anon made ‘keep going” gestures with one hand. “I…I could’ve tried to defeat you somewhere underground, where I could seal off your magic? Not having a contingency plan in case you escaped? I didn’t fully analyze all your powers?”

“Right on all counts! Though to be fair, there’s no way you could’ve known about /all/ my tricks. Like, say, my half-ghost physiology letting me instantly rematerialize after being sealed. Always mind your surroundings, kiddo”

“Look, can you just get it over with and-“

“I’m proud of you” said Anon.

Jack rocked backwards, blanching. “You-I-but I tried to kill you!”

“Completely understandable. All in all, I rate your attempt a solid C-, good ideas hampered by imperfect understanding and failing to account for outside variables. Do aim for better execution nest time”

“Yeah but” Jack tried not to laugh hysterically at the pun and partially succeeded. “But…why? I thought. I mean, I wasn’t evil enough so I thought you’d given up on me and you were just messing with me for kicks and-“

“I’ve always been open about my intentions Jack. I made you into a multibillionaire with a foothold in every first world country, because you had the gift /and/ because it was a worthy challenge.  I showed you what killing a man feels like so you could be certain whether this was the path you wanted-if that also rid me of a minor nuisance, then all the better” Anon spread his arms “Do as you will, I have not dictated your options, only offered choices. I promised you rulership over the world Jack, and I damn well kept that promise. You could buy small governments with what you’re making now. What you do with your resources is up to you-and I’ve set up a little opposition” he nodded to Wuya “to make sure you won’t be getting complacent anytime soon”

Anon extended a hand. After a few seconds, Jack reached for it.

“…I think I’m gonna be good” he croaked. “Real good”

“And I respect your decision”

Jack’s grip tightened. “Anon, I…I owe you a lot, man. I know I couldn’t have gotten here without you. I know you’ve done right by me-but. This isn’t right. You. You didn’t have to kill those people”

“Really? And what are you going to do about that, Jack Spicer? Consider that I may or may not have seeded every piece of advanced technology gifted to you with nanites programmed not to act against me”

Jack thought for a while. “I’ll think of something”

Anon nodded in acknowledgement. And he waited for the new day to take him where it would.