Sarah-Anna (reflection)

	Sarah wasn't thinking about It. Not one bIt. She walked up the bread aisle, not thinking about It, and down the bread aisle, not thinking about It. For not thinking about "it" was of paramount importance. She checked her list that her mother gave her in the morning as a last minute chore to do in the afternoon after she got off school. Because she was the oldest, and the only kid that could drive, she got to pick up the groceries.

	However, her mother didn't equate the curse. If she knew what would happen if she came in contact with It, if the packaging lightly brushed her skin, or if she even looked at It, her mother would forbid her from even going near the grocery store.

	"Salsa and Tortilla Chips" was the next thing scrawled out on the pad in her mother's chicken scratch of handwriting. That was good. It was far away from the aisle that contained the thing that she wasn't supposed to think about. The mere thought of them crossed her mind for a split second, and she, in a panic, dashed it away.

	But not before her nails turned their natural color, her tennis shoes went from  laces to velcro, and her low-cut top with cursive writing on it turned into a conservative pastel tee.

	She remained calm, and let her heart rate slow down. She didn't know why, but she was sometimes very sensitive to It. At one point when she was thirteen, she could touch It, just for a second, without fully changing. But that was long gone now. It seemed that, with age it just got more twitchy. She was afraid of the consequences when she became an adult and had kids. Then she would have to deal with It on a regular basis.

	She grabbed the tortilla chips at the top of the aisle, and then turned the corner. She froze where she stood, because she saw It. Well, she didn't almost immediately change because it was just the implications of It. She saw a toddler, sitting in a shopping cart, minding her own business. She knew that toddlers were a sign of It, and so It invaded her mind again.

	She ducked back behind the head of the aisle, out of sight of the toddler. However, it was enough for her hair to be put up in pigtails, a pacifier to invade her mouth, for her car keys in her hand to turn large and plastic.

	She knew her mother would be pissed if she didn't do what she said, and nobody noticed her change.

	Nobody ever noticed her change.

	She waited a little while, and peeked around the corner again. She saw the feet of the mother just pass the far end of the aisle and she knew she was safe. She walked confidently to the salsa and threw one in her cart.

	Then the toddler squealed, and she immediately shut her ears.

	The crying of toddlers and babies implied toddlers and babies, and toddlers and babies implied It. Images and thoughts of It invaded her mind again. Forcing them out, she remained still and quiet for several seconds, shutting out the sound of the outside, waiting for the toddler to be quiet. Her orange short shorts fuzed with her t-shirt to become a shortall, and she saw the buttons and zippers of her shorts disappear, only to reappear on the back of the shortalls.

	Again she trudged on, her brain screaming for her to escape this personal hell, but she knew the hell her mother would put on her was much worse than the mere risk of It. So she checked the last thing on her list.

	"Paper Towels"

	Such an innocent two words, but how great the implications. The paper towel aisle was where the Its were stored and displayed. She physically shivered. It wasn't like she could just focus on one wall. They were wall-to-wall for an entire half of an aisle. It wasn't like she could just ignore them. She decided she would just close her eyes and count her steps.

	She rounded the corner and shut her eyes. Walking along, she felt the presence of It on each side of her. Suddenly, she slipped, probably on a wet patch on the floor. Her hand shot out by reflex, grabbing one of the shelves. Also by reflex, her eyes opened. Hanging by the shelf, she got a faceful of It.

	The packaging smiled at her, invited her, invaded her mind and thoughts. The smiling, shirtless and pantless baby seemed welcoming. Above the charming tot was printed, in a very stylized script, a single word.

	"Luvs"

	The change happened immediately. She felt herself get shorter and shorter. Her shoes changed from a generic Nike logo to Dora printed on either side. An embroidered Elmo sewed itself on to her shortalls. The shortalls also began to "make room" in the butt of the bottom half for the grand finale. Her wallet (which she was carrying, because it didn't fit in her pocket and she was too lazy to lug her purse around school) became a small, well-loved bear. Her pacifier grew a lanyard and clip, and clipped itself to the breast of her shortalls.

	Once she passed age thirteen, she started to get pudgy. First it was her stomach (not really making her fat but making her loose her core that she worked out so hard for) then her chest. Her cheeks fattened up, her arms became shorter and stubbier. Same with her legs. Her toes and fingers becoming like sausages, stubby and small.

	Once she reached a certain age (around three), the grand finale began. She felt her panties thicken, and she visualized them becoming cotton, and growing kiddish prints, and then becoming plastic and pink with Disney Princesses, and finally thickening out majorly and changing to a Sesame Street print to become full-blown diapers. She shrunk a little more and stooped to her knees, loosing the ability to walk due to her age.

	She sniffed, that was the only sign of her emotion. She had lived with it all her life, and by god was she going to deal with it now. Sarah already knew what was going to happen next.

	"Get off the floor Anna, people walk there!"

	Always Anna, no reason why.

	Her mother picked Sarah up and put her in the child chair of the shopping cart she was now in control of. Sarah felt the squish of the diaper as it bore the weight of her on the wireframe cart.

	It was almost too fitting for Sarah to need a diaper change right after she becomes a baby. Every time for literally hundreds of changes she has never, not once ever changed into a dry Anna.

	Her mother did another thing routine. She grabbed two or three packs of diapers and threw them into the cart. Again, every time in all of the hundreds of changes (she estimated about two hundred in her seventeen and a half years of life, ranging from six hours to two months, usually favoring the 1-2 day mark) her mother picked up diapers, and every time Sarah already has more than enough. It seems as though when she changes the house is full of them, as if to remind her of the curse. They are always brought in but never put away in front of Sarah, so she has no idea where they go. It's not like she could ask, either. Her mother has no recollection of her ever turning into a baby after she changes back and as Anna she is incapable of speech, save baby garble and the occasional "Mama".

	Sarah's mother (named Katie, Katie Jones) wheeled her daughter and the shopping cart towards the checkout. Sarah aimlessly sat, clutched her teddy bear and sucked her pacifier all through the capitalist process of buying goods and services. Her mother carried her to the car.

	It wasn't Sarah's car anymore, that was home, probably, unless Sarah took it. It was replaced by a van. An old van that Katie had when she first gave birth to Sarah. In "reality", the van had broken down a year ago and wasn't really needed because Sarah was driving, and Molly didn't need to have a huge space to throw tantrums anymore. Molly was the second sister in this bi-female universe, she was eight years old, and Sarah liked her. She listened to her sister vent about boys and school and the future with confused attention. She provided no advice, because she herself was seven or eight when the vents happened, but it provided a sort of "soundboard" for Sarah to bounce her thoughts off.

	However, when Molly was just born, Sarah went through infancy with her. When Molly was brought home, for the next three years Katie's home was inundated with all things infant, and nine year old Sarah was in a constant state of change. In the infrequent lulls in infanthood, Sarah would stay far away from Molly as possible until she was forced to interact with her. From third to fifth grade, Sarah was almost never "at" school. 99% of the time she was changed into Anna, and whoever was Sarah then went for her.

	As soon as Molly was brought into the home, Sarah changed into Molly's newborn twin, Anna. Anna grew up with Molly all through babyhood, until Molly finally started wearing pull-ups, and then Anna regressed back to her normal age range. Sarah remembered it vividly, as soon as she caught a look at her mother carrying that bundle into the house, she was right there in her father's arms coming in after her before she knew it.

	There are still echoes of of that era in the house. Whenever her mother would bring down some artifact from either girls infancy, Sarah would at least react to it. (Very vividly there was a time when she was talked into laying in her old crib to "see how big she'd gotten" the result was the rest of the day teetering on the edge of a change. She remembered getting very close, to the point that she looked like a big teenaged baby, except pull-ups instead of diapers.) Her last change, coincidentally, was two months ago at her grandmother's house, when she showed Sarah and Molly how baby care was like when she was in her diaper days.

	Katie strapped Sarah into her carseat, and began to drive home. To Sarah, carseats were just an elaborate ploy to make the baby as uncomfortable as possible. The harness was too tight, and it squished her damp diaper up against her crotch. It wasn't new to her, but it certainly wasn't welcome. Katie pulled into the driveway and Sarah saw that her car was there

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Author's note: Regressed Sarah will now be referred to as Sarah-Anna, while older Sarah will just be Sarah. However, by characters in the story unbeknownst of the change, Sarah-Anna is just "Anna"
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	Katie parked in the garage, and Sarah rushed out to help her. Katie picked up bags from the trunk while Sarah carried Sarah-Anna inside. Immediately Katie started to assign jobs.

	"Molly, get the rest of the groceries out of the car. Sarah, go and change your sister."

	"Which one?" Sarah joked.

	Molly went out to fulfill her mother's wishes and Sarah carried Sarah-Anna and the three packs of diapers up the stairs. Sarah dropped the diapers at the top of the stairs, and continued to cart Sarah-Anna to the "nursery".

	The "nursery" in reality was just an empty room. However, during the change, it was transformed into a world of pastel and padding. The door was in the bottom-right corner. The top-left corner had the crib, and the bottom-left the changing table. In the middle of the right wall was a walk in closet. A full half of the shelving units in the closet were diapers, and the rest was sparsely populated by baby clothes.

	Sarah laid her sister on the changing table and went to work. She changed Sarah-Anna lickety split. Instead of refastening her shortalls, Sarah allowed her to go without clothes save a diaper. Placing her on the ground. Sarah-Anna crawled off.

	Sarah-Anna knew she wasn't going to get privacy, so she accepted her fate and crawled down the steps to the living room. Molly was there, apparently done with the groceries.

	Molly regarded Sarah-Anna as an angel. She knew next to nothing about the hardships and the stress of child care. Sarah-Anna was just a slightly more alive and slightly more related baby doll. To Molly, if Sarah-Anna dirtied her diaper,  it was both cute and interesting. To Sarah and Katie, it was just another change.

	"Do you want to watch TV?" asked Molly in a patronizing tone. Not looking for an answer, she turned on instant streaming and started Sesame Street.

	Sarah-Anna loved Sesame Street. It was a fun show, great for the infants because of its simplicity and gentleness. Great for older kids, because of the fun, endearing puppets, and great for young adults for a simple nostalgia trip. Of course, Sarah-Anna preferred to watch her Sesame Street in a T-shirt, pants and panties, not a diaper with some of the show's characters printed on the front.

	Although, Sarah-Anna did not know Sesame Street without diapers. Sesame Street, along with a multitude of shows (from Dora to Whinny the Pooh) that brought the change. Literally all she saw of those shows was done sitting on the carpet in front of the TV in a white, fluffy diaper.

	She turned around, and there were her two sisters, intently watching the screen as Elmo popped into view. Sarah pointed beyond Sarah-Anna's head toward the TV set.

	"See Anna? That's Elmo. Can you say Elmo?"

	Knowing her sister won't relent, she tried to tongue out the red monster's name.

	"Em-mo."

	Her sisters smiled and nodded.

	"That's right Anna, Elmo," Sarah said.

	They watched Elmo and Co.'s antics unabated for about an episode until Katie entered the room.

	"What is she doing out of her playpen? By god, she could've gotten into something! She's one and a half, girls, that's the prime choking age!" Katie yelled.

	"We were watching her!" Molly said, rather hurt by her mother's scoldings.

	"Yeah right you were watching her! You were watching the same crap she was! Maybe I should put you in diapers if you continue to act like this!" She continued her threat. "If I catch her out of her playpen again, you'll be in the same situation she is for the whole weekend!"

	Sarah let out a giggle.

	"That goes for you too missy! Don't think they won't fit you, and don't think I won't make you use them! If they aren't big enough, I'll just stop by Rite-Aid!"

	Sarah, for the most part, shut up.

	Sarah-Anna was picked up by her biggest sister and deposited in the playpen in front of the TV. She whined.

	"Sorry squirt, you're in the brig, captain's orders," Sarah said sullenly.

	"Hey, watch that backtalk, or you may be serving paci penance!" Molly joked. Sarah laughed, and then Katie stomped her foot in the kitchen, and all of them were quiet.

	During the next episode, Sarah-Anna wet her diaper thoroughly. She wet with no resistance, because she knew that there was no escape from nature's call. The Sesame Street character on the front turned a shade darker.

	Five episodes. Two and a half hours. It was six thirty when they got up to go to dinner. Katie came in to retrieve her baby, and, finding her wet, took her upstairs for a change. She pulled off her diaper and saw her bottom and crotch sensitive and inflamed. Katie turned visibly red. She screamed down for the two older daughters.

"Girls! Report to your new nursery, immediately!"

	Both Molly and Sarah slunk up the stairs to the nursery. They sat on the floor while Katie began her spiel. First, she pulled up Sarah-Anna's legs.

	"Girls, what is this?" she asked.

	Both mumbled, "diaper rash."

	"And why does my lovely, adorable, dependent, helpless baby have diaper rash?"

	Again the mumble, "because she sat in her wet or messy diaper for a long time."

	"And whose job is it to change the dearest infant?"

	"Whoever sees her go."

	Katie had her two eldest right where she wanted them.

	"So you were in the room with her, and saw her wet, but didn't change her?"

	"…yes"

	Katie moved from her stationary position, she pat Sarah on the shoulder.

	"Go, and shave your crotch. Do it now before I punish you more."

	Sarah immediately left the room for the shower. Katie turned to Molly.

	"As for you, you don't have any hair down there, so you get it first. Strip."

	Molly hesitated.

	"Strip!" her mother said.

	Molly tentatively removed her clothes, down to the panties. Katie scooped her up and put her on the changing table.

	Joneses had the strange attribute of not really growing at all before puberty. As a result, Molly was only about ten or eleven inches taller than one and a half year old Sarah-Anna, and not much wider or longer.

	The result was a diapered Molly. She looked like a very large infant the way she lay on the table, getting the last tapes of her diaper on.

	After getting changed, Molly was told to wait in the nursery. Katie left the house in her car and in five minutes was at the pharmacy. She asked a clerk.

	"Hi, I need diapers for a seventeen year old girl, about 130 pounds and the same height as me. As thick and as baby as possible please."

	The clerk was a respectful, 24 year old grad student. "Right this way miss."

	The employee led her to an aisle and package of "ultra strength maxi car briefs" they were quite thick medical diapers. While they were thick enough, and had the same shape and style of baby diapers, they lacked the prints.

	"Do you have any prints or wetness indicators that are infantile?"

	The clerk turned her around and she was faced with a variety of diaper stickers. Some for show, others for wetness. She picked out a pack of bunny and heart wetness indicators, and she picked up baby block diaper stickers. She also picked up a "kit" to make your own, in the hopes that she could print some Sesame Street ones, since that was the girls favorite distraction from the needs of their sister. She also picked up some late toddler diapers for Molly, for fear that the baby ones couldn't hold her wettings.

	To put this in perspective, Anna was her "last" child. She had her at thirty-eight, and she was desperate to keep her safe, happy and healthy. She also expected help from Anna's sisters. However for the past months, after the novelty of a baby in the family had worn off, they had been slacking.

	So now, Katie has had enough. If they couldn't fulfill the needs of a mere infant, then they were no better than one.

	Katie walked in the door just as Sarah was exiting the shower. Clean-shaven and nervous, Sarah waited in the nursery. She already saw the state of Molly, and she feared she would get little mercy. Katie came up and put on wetness indicators and front stickers on all of Sarah's diapers one by one. She took one out and changed Sarah easily into the diapers. They fit perfectly. The rest of the diapers and Molly's bigger ones she put into the closet.

	"I'm going to make dinner, everyone get in their beds. If I catch a toe on the ground, I'm putting bars of both of your beds."

	The girls rushed off to their rooms, and Katie put Sarah-Anna in her crib too.

	Sarah-Anna had to say, this was one unique change. Most of the changes go by normally, but this one was out of whack. She heard her mother clanging pots downstairs, and the creak of old cabinet hinges.

	Fifteen minutes later, Katie came to get Sarah-Anna and called for the girls. Katie was down first, so Sarah-Anna got to see what was about to go on.

	There was one high-chair, one infant carseat and one toddler carseat, each one had a baby bottle and each one had a plate of seemingly random foods placed in front of it. The carseats were obviously prepared by Katie in order to humiliate the older sisters, but for Sarah-Anna, this was a regular dinner.

	As the girls walked into the kitchen they simply got paler and paler.

	“Don’t touch your food, just sit down in your chairs,” Katie said with overwhelming authority. Neither girl dared challenge her, so they both sat down. Katie remained standing.

	“Here’s how this dinner will go. You will not touch your food. I will feed all three of you, and you may not get up from the table. No talking.”

	Katie began with Sarah-Anna. She shoveled food into her mouth until one of the four food “groups” had disappeared from her plate. Then she turned to Molly and did the same. She fed all three girls seemingly mechanically until all the food was gone. She let each girl out of their “high-chairs” and took them to the living room.

	In the living room Sarah saw her playpen. The playpen was a special one. It was called (oh so cleverly) a party-pen. A party-pen was designed to expand exponentially to fit up to twenty babies. Her mother had expanded it to fit Sarah-Anna and her sisters.

	“Now, You’re all going to sit and play with toys and watch a movie. Afterwords, straight to bed, no buts. Sarah, Molly, I’ll change you both for school tomorrow.”

	Sarah realized quickly what this meant, “wait, we have to-.”

	Her mother snapped at her. “Yes! Now pray your sister chooses a short movie so you both will go to bed without needing to go!”

	Both girls were mortified. Katie picked up Sarah-Anna and brought her to the huge collection of movies in a big cabinet. She undid the child lock and held Sarah-Anna to the rag-tag group of baby movies.

	Well, it was sparse when Sarah-Anna was still Sarah, but now it took up half of a ceiling-to-ceiling shelf.

	At this point Sarah-Anna had to make a decision. Would she try to embarrass her sisters by choosing the longest movie? Or would she be nice, and pick something like an episode of Sesame Street? It was refreshing to have a choice for once as a baby, and her sisters wouldn’t necessarily interpret her choice as kindness or cruelty, so she decided that they would suffer. So she chose the Wiggles World Tour 1994 as her choice. A two and a half hour long concert.

	The sisters all sat cross legged in the play-pen while the oldest two were forced to watch the Wiggles. Sarah-Anna just played with her toys. She found it strange, but as she was a baby she was strangely entertained. Not just the Wiggles, either, pretty much anything from toys to books. She watched the Wiggles and played with her blocks while her sisters squirmed and her mother presided over the whole scene on the couch.

	Molly was the first. Sarah-Anna watched her as her legs squeezed tighter and tighter. Finally she broke. “Mom, please may I use the bathroom?” And mother just looked at her with a cold stare. Finally, a fart was heard, and another, and then quiet sobs as Molly emptied her bowels into her diaper. You could see that it took on a darker hue and thickened with the naked eye.
	Katie walked over to Molly as she was quietly sobbing and picked her up. Laying her daughter on her lap, Katie quietly cooed in her ear and rubbed her messy bottom.
	“Shhhhh, honey. Now do you see how bad it is for poor little Anna? Mommy still loves you, you just need to learn to take care of your baby sister.”

	The mother placed her child down on her butt in the playpen. Molly inhaled sharply as the mess squished in her pants.

	Sarah slid away from Molly ever so slightly, seeing her own fate waiting in her little sister’s seat.

	Eventually, the movie ended and all the girls got up to go to bed. Katie noticed Sarah’s diaper was discolored in the front. She smiled slightly.

	“Oh dear, why didn’t you tell me?”

	As soon as Sarah realized what she was talking about, her hands rushed to the front of her diaper. She blushed and ran upstairs.

	“Goodnight honey!” Katie yelled.

	Katie decided not to taunt Molly as she rushed up the stairs as well. She sighed as she picked herself up and walked over to her baby. She took the baby up onto her hip.

	“They’ll learn one day. At least I hope.”

	Sarah-Anna didn’t even notice that her diaper was wet, she was focusing so much on her two sister’s discomfort.