Zombie Poners in Equestria CYOA [Yeah It's Ded]

https://8ch.net/pone/res/326581.html
https://web.archive.org/web/20190805034155/https://8ch.net/pone/res/326581.html

Your name is Anonymous Shitposter. You don't know how you ended up in Equestria but today you're going to really wish you could go back. You've been living in a cabin on the outskirts of Ponyville for a year or two now. Though the little ponies have long since learned that you don't want to eat them, you are, for all the intents and purposes of this world, a giant monster. You tower at least two feet over the heads of average ponies, and, not that you've ever beaten Big Mac in arm-wrestling, but you're a fair bit stronger than the average pony as well. You'll never crack a skull with your bare hands, but your strength and dexterity may help you to overcome obstacles that many ponies can't. Furthermore, while you're not completely immune to magic, your alien body isn't a great conductor for it.
The position within the timeline is within season two. This means no crystal tree-castle, no Twilicorn, no Discord, and the Elements of Harmony are still in Canterlot.
The Situation: Day Lucio Fulci in Equestria. You've just woken up, and are about to discover that there's a horde of zombie ponies in Ponyville, all craving your brains.

>THUD
>grey sunlight filters through an overcast sky before pentrating your window and sneaking through your curtains
>THUD
>there are no singing birds to help you blink the sleep out of your eyes
>THUD
>no whining grasshoppers to make you roll over and groan
>THUD
>there is only the
>THUD
>of someone at your front door
"Hang on!"
>the dirty work-clothes you fell asleep in are now stiff and crackly with dried sweat
>THUD
"I'm coming, hold your horses!"
>now where are your boots?
>there they are
>you slip them on and stretch your limbs
>THUD
"Yeah yeah, you're real important."
>finally, you get to opening the door
"Oh, hey, Mrs. Firedoubt. I know, I know, I'm scheduled to come paint your house this afternoon, I haven't- whoah!"
>Mrs. Firedoubt has just jerked her head forward and attempted to bite your crotch
>you jump back
"How are you already this angry? I haven't even started yet!"
>the wrinkly old hoof of your final client takes a lurching step through your door
"Look, do you want a refund, or-"
>Mrs. Firedoubt opens her mouth
>and lets out a breathy moan
>within that moan seems contained all the despair in the world
>it makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand straight up
>and...
>that's not cranberry sauce on her mouth
>is it?
"Uh, Mrs. Firedoubt, are you all right? You look a little... pale."
>welp, you've seen enough zombie movies to know where this is going
>there's a back door you could escape through
>or maybe you should grab some tools and just take care of the zombie in your living room yourself

>eh
>as unnerving as all this is, it seems like you can outpace Mrs. Firedoubt at a regular walk
>and, zombie or no, you're not sure if you can bring yourself to smash a pony's head in just yet
>at a brisk walk, you make for your workshop
>as a free agent of home improvement, you've got some useful stuff here
>you put on a tool-belt and start grabbing some stuff that seems relevant
>a hammer
>a crowbar
>a screwdriver
>and, of course, your trusty Leatherman
>man
>there's a lot of boards and nails in here too
>hopefully Mrs. Firedoubt will have shambled away if you should ever need any of this
>exiting the workshop, you find Mrs. Firedoubt about halfway across the living room
>fuck, that's creepy
>in spite of yourself, you find yourself jogging to the back door
>the coast looks clear
>so you slip outside
>now
>what should you do now?
>Fluttershy is your closest neighbor
>and you know how sensitive she can be
>maybe you should go make sure she's okay?
>or maybe you should head to the library
>if there's anyone who can help you understand what's going on, it's Twilight Sparkle
>also, the fact that she's the only one in town who can shoot laser beams from her head makes her pretty attractive as a traveling partner
>but she lives in the center of town
>or maybe you should head over to Sweet Apple Acres
>the Apples are ponies who know how to work with their hooves
>working with them, you could probably turn their sturdy farmhouse into a nice little fortress
>but that's all the way on the other side of town
>well
>there's no guarantee this is a full-blown zombie apocalypse or anything
>maybe you should just scout out the town to see how bad things are?

>the sound of thuds on the back door jolts you out of thought
>well
>checking on Fluttershy would be the right thing to do
>also the easiest
>you jog til your back door is out of sight
>and then begin a cautious, brisk walk toward Fluttershy's home
>the good news?
>you don't see any zombie ponies on the way over
>the bad news?
>you don't see any living ponies either
>every gust of wind
>every leaf that blows through your peripheral vision
>every creaking tree-branch
>it's enough to give a guy a heart attack
>it doesn't help that you're walking along the edge of the Everfree Forest
>that place is spooky enough when there aren't any zombies
>but now, even the mysterious forest is holding its breath in silence
>finally, you see Fluttershy's cottage
>you break into a jog out of relief
>but the relief doesn't last
>your foot catches on something soft
>your face hits the ground
>panic overrides the daze of the impact, and in an instant you're back on your feet
>oh...
>your gasp is deep and drawn-out
>what you've tripped over is a dead bear
>its belly is burst open
>its huge guts are ripped and torn and strewn about
>as much as you'd like to scream, your vocal chords don't seem to be working
>you break for Fluttershy's house at a sprint
>and you seriously hope that bears can't be zombies
>the door to the cottage is broken inwards
>you can hear moans inside of it
>carefully
>oh so carefully
>you peek inside the house
>okay
>there's three zombies in there
>an earth pony, a pegasus, and a unicorn
>tell-tale claw marks are raked all across their bodies
>nobody you know, thank fuck
>now where's Fluttershy
>ah, there she is
>backed into a corner with tears streaked down her face
>defensively holding out a birdhouse with her wings
>these zombies seem to be moving much more slowly than Mrs. Firedoubt
>probably due to all the muscles and tendons that bear out there managed to claw through before he went down
>even so, they're closing in, and there's no direction Fluttershy can run in
>what do?

>oh geez
>oh man
>oh fuck
>you can't leave her there
>all right
>on the count of three
>one...
>two-
"Hey!"
>you've jumped into the door frame and begun waving your arms
>you begin screaming "Hey!" like Kurt Cobain at the Zombies in the hopes that they'll react to the greater stimulus
>and boy do they
>instantly and mindlessly, all three of them turn around and are shuffling toward you
>Fluttershy's eyes grow wide with awe
"Fluttershy! Fly out of that window as soon as it's safe. We'll outrun these things as soon as you're out of there."
>she nods breathlessly
>okay
>this is a pretty good plan
>in a few minutes you'll have these zombies clear of that window
>and then Fluttershy will get out of the house
>and then you'll run off together to-
>oh shitdicking niggers that pegasus just spread its wings
>you're backing the fuck up out of the door now
>oh fuckcuntering shitstains IT'S TAKING FLIGHT
>you're pretty sure you're fucking dead
>but to your amazement, the zombie pegasus doesn't fly right into your face
>instead it lands about three feet away from you
>for an instant you're relieved
>and then it spreads its wings out again
>ah
>now it is flying into your face
>you fall flat on your ass
>the thing ends up flying over your head
>it lands some five feet beyond you
>even as you're getting up, your hand is reaching for your tool-belt
>if your mind wasn't non-functional from terror, you'd probably have a cool one-liner here
>like, "It's hammer time."
>no sooner do you have the hammer settled in your hand than the pegasus finishes turning around to face you
>and then it launches again
>shit shit shit shit
>you jump off to the side and wildly swing your hammer at the zombie's head
>it connects
>a chunk of scalp and mane come off of its head
>but the creature lands unfazed
>to answer the question of whether or not zombie pegasi can fly:
>they can't
>but it seems as though they can hop
>like chickens
>either way, this thing is moving way too fast
>and you're way too scared
>and there's no way you can-
<"Don't you DARE hurt my friend!"
>Fluttershy descends from the heavens upon the unfortunate zombie
>her hooves wrap around its chin
<"Hi-YA!"
>the head is lifted up
>and twisted hard
>with a loud CRACK, the zombie pegasus falls limply to the ground
>only its head is still making frantic biting motions
>Fluttershy extends her hoof to you
<"Come on, Anon. The others are coming out of the house."
>well, now that Fluttershy is with you
>what next?

>Fluttershy's moment of confidence disappears when the two remaining zombies let out their moans
>actually, she's clinging around your leg now
"Hey, I wanna meet with Applejack. You wanna come with?"
<"Okay."
"All right. But you have to let go of my leg."
>the pair of you dash away from the cottage together
>but when you get to the edge of town
>you stop
>you don't see any zombies
>but
>you hear them
"Sounds like there's a whole bunch of them in the center of town."
>Fluttershy grows pale
<"But that's where Twilight lives!"
>you inhale sharply
"Yeah. It sure is."
<"We can't just leave her!"
"Fluttershy, if there's one pony in this town who can take care of herself, it's Twilight."
<"All by herself?"
"Well... she's got Spike with her. And besides, it's dangerous in there. Sweet Apple Acres should have less zombies, and the Apples are probably boarding up the house right now. And if I pitch in, we can make sure nothing gets inside. Fluttershy, we'd be safe there. Not to mention that they'd have food in case this takes a while."
>Fluttershy looks down at her hooves
<"I don't know... I don't like it. Wouldn't Twilight be able to keep us safe too? With her magic?"
"That's a good point, but..."
>you sigh
"I don't like it either."

"Oh no. Fluttershy, you shouldn't have shouted like that."
>your buttery companion's pupils shrink at those words
<"Wh-why?"
"See for yourself."
>you point at the town
>it's at least...
>a dozen
>zombie ponies
>and their cries will probably attract more if you don't get out of their sight soon
<"Oh no..."
"Come on, Flutters. It's time to go."
>Fluttershy shuffles, and looks between you and the town
"What, are you still worried about Twilight?"
<"Uh huh."
>you've really gotta go
"All right. Tell you what. You can fly, right?"
<"Y-yes."
"Okay. I can't. I've gotta start running for Sweet Apple Acres now. I can't help Twilight, but maybe you can."
<"You want me to..."
"Just... fly over Twilight's house. Hell, check on Carousel Boutique and Sugarcube Corner too, if you think you can. If your friends are in trouble, meet me at Sweet Apple Acres. Then... I don't know, we can figure something out."
<"Just check?"
>the horde is growing
>and you can see a few pegasus zombies starting to hop through the crowd
"Yeah. Go, go now! I've gotta run!"
>Fluttershy winces at the yelling
>and then she takes off
>and so do you
>you've got to sprint to get out of sight of those hoppers
>but eventually
>you do lose them
>and, skirting silently around the town
>you eventually come to a field of apple trees
>your imagination is telling you there's a zombie behind every tree
>fortunately, your senses are telling you otherwise
>but, coming within sight of the farmhouse...
>now your senses are telling you something a little less convenient
>by your count?
>that's eighteen zombies
>a makeshift barricade has been erected around the entirety of the house
>it's made up of wagons, plows, carriages, barn doors, and other heavy components of farming life
>all the zombies are concentrated on one area of the barrier
>on the other side of that spot in the barrier is Big Mackintosh
>he's valiantly pushing the zombies back with a hoe
>within the barrier is Applejack
>she's busy nailing a board to a window
>it doesn't look like anyone
>or anything
>has noticed you yet

>all right
>you do not feel like getting close to that horde
>fuck
>better get somewhere secure before those zombies realize they don't have to climb a barrier to get to you
>but where?
>your eyes lock onto the barn
>the doors have been ripped off and placed in the barrier
>but that window up top tells you that there's an upper level you can climb into
>it looks empty from here
>and you would guess that any nearby zombies would be attracted to the clamour over by the farmhouse
>you run on over to it
>it feels like you've been doing a lot of running today
>the interior of the barn is empty
>like, not just devoid of ponies living or undead
>but actually stripped of all large furnishings period
>even bags of feed and fertilizer went into the barrier
>all you can see is a ladder
>and frankly, that's all you want to see
>you climb the ladder to the upper level of the barn
>also empty
>all right
>you're safe for now
>but you've got to think
>if Fluttershy's got bad news, she's probably going to the farmhouse with it
>you crawl toward the window
>and peer out at the farmhouse
>Apple Bloom has come outside to hold the boards in place while her sister nails them
>Granny Smith is now ineffectually wielding a broom alongside Big Mac's hoe
>it looks like what they're planning to do is board up the windows and retreat inside the house
>it's not clear whether Applejack can finish doing that before Big Mac gets tired and the barrier gets toppled
>maybe it would be better to seek refuge somewhere else
>but where?
>your hammer weighs heavy in your tool belt
>you could always get down there and help them
>it'd be risky, but...
>geez

>fine
>you guess you'll do the right thing
>again
>man, you'd better get some kind of medal after this bullshit it over
>down the ladder you go
>peeping out the barn door, you map out a course from here to the other side of the barrier
>you keep your head down and on a swivel
>and go
>all right
>walking briskly
>walking briskly
>oh FUCK what was that noise?
>it was you stepping on a stick
>walking briskly
>the barrier is within ten yards now
>your chosen point of entry is an old-fashioned tractor with some bags of feed sitting in the seat
>climbing onto the tractor
>okay, climbing over the tractor
>wait
>why isn't your leg following you?
>you look back to see what you're caught on
>and
>well
>remember how you shat bricks when you saw the zombie pegasus start flying?
>well
>just imagine what you're shitting when you look back and see
>your ankle is caught in the icy glow of a zombie unicorn's magic
"Shit, shit, shit, shit! That is NOT fair!"
>the creature is some three feet away from your poor foot
>okay
>wait
>let's be rational here
>judging by how close it was before it grabbed you…
>maybe zombie magic is really short range
>maybe it's really weak, too
>you give your leg a good, hearty tug
>two feet close and closing
>you throw your hands on your leg and tug again
>one foot close and closing
>okay
>you reach deep inside yourself
>you brace your back for an almighty tug
>its mouth is open for the bite
>and
>PULL
>you fall flat on your ass on the inside of the barrier
>the rotting jaws close on thin air
>a claw-hammer soars over the barrier and makes a squelching noise on the other side
>you look up to see where the hammer came from
>Applejack looks down at you with a cocked eyebrow
/"Nonermous, what are you doin' here?"
>you make a show of springing to your feet and brushing the dust off your shirt
"I'm, uh, here to save you."
/"Right. Well, if you're tryin' to help out, ya better get to it quick. You can help me board up the windows, or you can grab a shovel and help Big Mac push those things away til I'm done. Either way would be real appreciated."
>Applejack runs back to the window she's been working on
>you peek on the other side of the barrier
>the unicorn is shuffling off back to the rest of its horde
>the claw of the hammer is just barely embedded in its forehead

>you shake your head
>and jog after Applejack
>you meet her with your trusty hammer unsheathed
"What do you want me to do?"
/"There's a pile of boards and a bag of nails 'round back. You take care of the back windows, and I'll take care of the front ones."
>around back there are indeed boards and nails exactly as promised
>all right
>time to wreck the property value on Sweet Apple Acres
>thanks to your bipedalism and opposable thumbs, you're able to get the first nail in pretty quickly
>you swivel the other end up level with the first end and get the second nail in quickly as well
>just to be safe, you throw in two more nails on the bottom corners of the board
>this window looks like it'll need about four of these boards to be completely covered
>thankfully, the Apple family residence is a simple home
>just two windows in the back, and two windows in the front
>there's not even a back door
>for ten bits an hour, you'll usually have a job like this done in about 70 minutes
>for the skin on your back though?
>let's see if we can't get it done in 10
>you're on the final board of the first window when the first zombie appears at the back of the barrier
>there's not a whole lot you can do about it, since it was obviously attracted by the sound of you pounding your hammer
>well
>it's just one
>right?
>you grab four boards and head over to the other window
>that's when the fucking thing starts moaning
>and one zombie becomes two
>the first board is up, amazingly enough, in under a minute
"I swear, if you let me live I'll never drag out my hours on a job ever again."
>the sheer rapidity with which you get your second board up leaves you sweating and ragged
>the horde back here is at least as big as the one up front
"HEY! I COULD USE A ZOMBIE-PUSHER BACK HERE!"
/"NAIL THEM BOARDS FASTER, GOSH DARNIT!"
>third one's up
>and
>oh fuck oh fuck
>there's a plowshare in the barrier that's starting to wobble
>no sooner do you have the final board up then-
>CRASH
"OH NO NO NO NO"
>you run around front to see the Apple sisters working on their final board as well
"B-b-buh-buh-buh-buh... th-the... th-the..."
/"What are you on about, Nonermous?"
"The-the-the... barrier's down in the back!"
>Applejack gasps
>she shouts out to Big Mac and Granny Smith
/"Everybody in the house, now!"
>Big Mac grabs his grandmother by the scruff of her neck and gallops on in
>once everybody's in, Applejack barks another order
/"You two big fellas, brace yourselves on that door! Everybody. Stay. Quiet."
>you see where she's going with this and press yourself against the door
>ideally, there would be enough time to board up the door
>but there just isn't
>and with zombies already inside the barrier?
>you've got to offer them zero stimulus until they go away
>that means no pounding nails, or any other noises
>soon enough, the thuds begin
>and they go on
>boy do they go on
>it feels like hours
>Applejack and Granny Smith both spend the whole time curled up around Apple Bloom
>finally
>it sounds like the zombies are breaking away, one by one
>eventually
>the whole house is silent
>you let out a breath you didn't know you'd been holding
>and whisper to Applejack
"Applejack, I met Fluttershy."
/"How was she?"
"Good. Listen, she might be-"
>you're interrupted by a sound as of tapping on glass, coming from the upstairs
>Applejack draws her claw hammer
/"I'll take care of it."
"Wait, Applejack. This is what I've been trying to tell you about. That could be Fluttershy."
>Applejack sighs
/"Or it could be one of those things. What do you wanna do, check it out for yourself?"

"You wanna go together?"
>Applejack rolls her eyes and heads up the stairs without a word
>that's probably not supposed to be a yes
>but you take your crowbar in your hand and follow after her anyway
>the tapping is coming from one of the upstairs rooms
>Applejack positions herself by the appropriate door
>then she looks at you and starts making gestures with her hoof
>like a... swish, swish, chop
"What?"
/"Get behind me. We'll go in together. I'll check out the window, and you check in the back corners and behind the door for anythin' unpleasant."
"I don't know why you thought you could communicate that with hoof-swishes."
/"Shut up."
>the door is kicked in
>you go in backwards just behind the apple horse
>the back corners don't evidently have anything
>and there's nothing behind the door either
>good
>you turn around to see Applejack already fiddling with the window
>on the other side of the glass, Fluttershy waves meekly at you
>oh good
>when Applejack gets the window open, Flutters floats on in
"Fluttershy, you're safe."
<"Mm-hm."
"What did you see in town?"
<"Um, there are a lot of ponies in the library. I couldn't see Twilight, but it looks like her magic is protecting the doors and windows, so she has to be in there."
"See? I told you she'd be all right."
<"But... Sugarcube Corner and the Carousel Boutique were empty. I woke up Rainbow Dash to help me look for Rarity and Pinkie, but..."
"Well, maybe they're in the library too."
/"Wait. What do you mean you 'woke up' Rainbow Dash?"
>Rainbow's protest flies into the room before she does
~"Oh, give me a break. It's still super early in the morning."
>the technicolor pegasus lands on the floor and stretches her wings
/"It's 11."
~"Exactly!"
<"Now, Applejack. Rainbow Dash's home is on a cloud. You musn't blame her for not noticing our troubles sooner."
"Musn't?"
~"Look, now that I'm awake, it's obvious what we need to do."
/"Oh, is it?"
~"Psh, yeah. All we have to do is get to Twilight. We can have her cast that cloud-walking thing on everyone and carry them all off to my place. Once everyone's safe, we get the gang back together and kick some butt!"
/"What do you mean by 'kick some butt'?"
/"Well, I don't know. Twilight will figure that out. Heck, she's probably already got something worked out, but she's stuck in the library keeping up those shields. Once we get her out of there, it'll be easy."
<"But... Twilight is keeping up all those shields! I don't think she can do that while casting dozens of cloud-walking spells."
>Applejack scratches her chin with her hoof
/"Well, it could work... if there were some way to keep the zombies away til the pegasus-folks had finished carryin' everyone off to Dash's place."
>Applejack is looking at you appraisingly
>Rainbow Dash is looking at you amusedly
>Fluttershy is looking at you embarrassedly
>why are they all...?
"W-wait, we're not talking about bait, are we? H-h-hang on, I might be able to come up with a better plan than this..."

"Why don't... we just get, like, some kind of big speaker to lure the zombies away?"
>Applejack just looks at you like that's the dumbest shit she's ever heard
/"Well where do you intend on gettin' a big speaker from?"
"That, uh... DJ pony. She doesn't live too close to the center of town, does she?"
~"You mean Vinyl? I mean, she's not right there in town square, but if you turn on one of her speakers they'll all hear it."
"Well that's sort of the point. That way the zombies get far enough away from the library so Twilight can take down the shields and let you in and do that other magic stuff you were talking about."
>the ponies trade skeptical looks
<"Anon, your idea is good, but... if you attract them to Vinyl Scratch's home while you're in it, how will you get away? And what if she's still home?"
"Look, I know there's some risk to my plan, but I don't think I can outrun a big horde of zombies all day. Especially not if there's pegasi."
/"Awright, it's your hide. I don't care how you distract those things, as long as you distract 'em."
>outside the farmhouse is a devastated scene
>farm implements are scattered and broken across the grass
>the grass itself is torn up where unrelenting hooves dug into the earth as their owners attempted to shamble through walls
>but all
>is still
/"They could still be lurkin' in the orchard. Keep your voices down and come on."
>the town proper appears still as well
>but the hum of distant moans is still carried on the wind
>Rainbow Dash taps you on the shoulder
~"Hey, Anon. I'll take you to Vinyl's place. I'll hang around the rooftops and look out."
>Applejack nods and taps Fluttershy
/"While they're doin' that, we'll go find a place to hide out."
>she looks at Dash
/"We'll meet up back here when we hear the music playin'. Come on, Fluttershy."
>the pair of them cautiously dart into the town
~"You ready, 'Non?"
>you nod
>Rainbow Dash zips onto the nearest rooftop
>she looks around from the high vantage
>then waves for you to come follow her
>you heft your crowbar in your hand and do just that
>what follows is a journey that consists of dashing into a shadow
>waiting for Dash to check out the next shadow
>and then dashing into the next one
>as you get closer to your destination, the moans get louder
>and it becomes possible to make out the library through the gaps in the buildings
>the horde is completely focused on the glowing magic that protects the place
>there's easily over a hundred of the fuckers
>it looks like a pretty desperate situation
>eventually, Rainbow Dash lands
>she points to a nearby house
~"That's the place. How do you want to get in there?"
>the coast seems more or less clear
>but looks can be deceiving

"Ah, can you fly around and check things out for me? Just, like, peek in the windows and stuff?"
>Rainbow rolls her eyes
~"Why do I have to do all the work?"
"Man, those wings are really useful in a situation like this. Please?"
>she fluffs up her wings a bit at that
~"Fine."
>Dash lazily floats on over to the house and circles around it
~"I don't see anything, come on."
>you zip over to the house
"Did you see that the front door was busted in?"
>the pegasus lands next to you
~"Well, no. That doesn't mean there's anything still inside though."
>you are about to enter the House of Really Loud Fucking Noises
>proceed? y/n

>>326666
"Very nice. Impressive."
~"What?"
"Never mind. Let's just get inside and get this over with."
>exhale
>and move
>even with the general disarray in the house, it's apparent that Vinyl Scratch was a fairly wealthy pony
>though you're not sure how wealthy she's going to be after she has to pay to get blood stains out of her pure white shag carpet
~"Take a left. The sound system should be in that big room over there."
"Come here often, do you?"
~"Yeah. Vinyl throws the best parties in town. I mean, Pinkie's parties are fun and all, but they're a little... eh..."
"Yeah, I know what you mean."
~"Uh, don't tell her I said that."
"I won't"
~"Ever."
>coming to the corner, you peek your head into the big room
"Shit."
~"What?"
"There's one in there."
>Rainbow flies up above your head and peeks her head around the corner, too
~"Shoot."
"What?"
~"That's her. Don't you recognize her?"
"What? Vinyl Scratch?"
~"Yeah! This sucks!"
>you smack your crowbar into your palm
"I'll take care of her."
~"Whoah, whoah, whoah. Don't hurt her or anything."
"Hurt her? She's already dead!"
~"Yeah, but... you don't know. She still looks... sort of... alive. Maybe Twilight will have a cure when we get to her."
>the predatory moan of the zombie sounds throughout the house
>it's ambling toward you now
>you can make out a faint glow on its horn pulsing in and out of life
>each pulse is accompanied by a puff of magic grasping out at nothing a few feet in front of the thing
"Yeah, well, now she's coming this way. And we're gonna need to get past her somehow to operate that speaker."

"All right, all right. Go find something to tie her up or something."
~"Got it!"
"If that thing gets within grabbing distance I'm smashing it. You have, like, 30 seconds."
~"Psh, easy."
>a rainbow contrail leads out of the hallway
>1
>2
>3
>the thing lets out another moan
>4
>5
>6
>fuck, it's moving faster as it's getting closer
>7
>8
>9
>no choice now
>you raise the crowbar high
>but before you can bring it down
>the body of Vinyl Scratch is caught in another rainbow blur
>and when the dust settles...
"What the hell is that thing?"
~"I don't really know. It looked like a muzzle and a horn-ring in one piece."
"It looks like fetish gear to me."
>Rainbow turns bright red at that
~"What? There's no way. It's just a... safety... thingy?"
"So what are those velvet hoof-cuffs?"
~"Let's just... turn on the speaker now."
>now that the thing is writhing helplessly on the floor, you waltz on over to the sound system
>part of it looks like an ordinary record player
>the other part of it is a wall of speakers that takes up... well, the entire wall
>nearby is a pile of records
>you pick out three that sound interesting
>Haute Tourettes, by Neighvana
>Night Whinny, by Krabapple Vinski
>and the Pony Pokey, by Pinkie Pie
>hm
>decisions, decisions

_____________________________________

This was a CYOA on 8chan /pone/. But then 8chan died. If it comes back we might be able to finish it, but if not then RIP.

UPDATE: 8chan is apparently scheduled to come back shortly after September 5. While this is obviously fantastic news, I'm expecting some personal shit to pop up around then that'll keep me off the internet for a few weeks. Not sure if anyone's still gonna be interested in this CYOA by the time I get back.

UPDATE: 8chan obviously didn't come back on Sep 5. However, as of Oct 15, 8kun seems semi-alive and it looks like /pone/ is getting migrated to it. If this thread is still alive when we get back I'll try to get this going again.

UPDATE: 8kun was supposed to come up on Oct 17. It's the 19th now, and Dudwheels is watching the domain like an obese hawk so if it comes up he can kvetch til it gets shut down again. I don't think our home is coming back, pro/pone/nts. RIP.

UPDATE: Today on the 6th of December, /pone/ has risen from the grave at last. Undead pro/pone/nts prowl about the board searching for content. I have taken the gruesome duty of sating the hoard by providing that content.

_____________________________________

>well
>if you're trying to attract zombies
>some really loud grunge ought to do the trick
>you stick Haute Tourettes on the turntable
>and you go ahead and queue the rest of the Neighvana album after that just in case you need the extra time
>in a few seconds, the ground is rumbling as the speakers spew "HEY! HEY!" into the air at incomprehensible volumes
>you cover your ears and fall to your knees
>Rainbow Dash, who had been engaged in lightly bobbing her head to the music, sees this and rolls her eyes
>she's tapping you on the shoulder and screaming something into your ear
"What?"
>she shakes her head and begins pushing on your back
>you get the impression that she wants to leave
>probably because of the horde of zombies that's certainly on its way here right now
>you nod and get up without covering your ears
>bursting out the front door and into the street, you can see that the heard is already shuffling straight toward the sound
>your first though is to get out of their way
>so you run off to the side, skirting the town square to see how the library is looking
>the ground around it is trampled and torn up from dozens of undead hooves
>but the coast is clear
>the windows of the building are covered by shining, pink shields
>but the front door is wide open
>Twilight Sparkle leans out of it and waves at you to come inside
>Rainbow Dash is already rocketing toward the great oak tree
>you jog in after her, anything but close on her heels
>Twilight slams the door shut behind you and puts the shield back up over it
>inside the library, dozens of ponies sit huddled together, including all six members of Twilight Sparkle's group of friends
>Applejack makes a motion like she's whooping when she sees you and Dash
>but for some reason she sounds weirdly quiet
>Twilight says something to you, but you just can't make out what the fuck she's saying
"What?"
>Dash rolls her eyes and mumbles something to Twilight
>Twilight nods and casts some sort of spell
>all at once, the sensation of hearing returns to your ears
"Whoah, what'd you do?"
_"Undid the 30 years of hearing loss you just inflicted on yourself."
"Oh. That feels pretty good."
>even inside the library, you can still hear Neighvana screeching from Vinyl's house
_"I asked you how long that music is going to last."
"Uh, maybe about 45 minutes."
>Twilight grimaces
_"That's not much time to figure something out."
~"Psshhh, I already figured it out, egghead. Just cast the cloudwalking spell on all the unicorns and earth ponies, and the pegasi can carry them up to my house."
_"Hmm…"
>Twilight glances at you, and then frowns
_"Hmmmm…"
>in the end, she nods
_"All right, that's a solid plan. But we'll have to work fast. Grab some strong pegasi and have them get ready to start carrying ponies. I'll get started on the spells."
<"Oh! I can help carry ponies!"
>Rainbow Dash cringes
_"Ah, Fluttershy… it's not that we don't think you're a strong flyer, but… um… you could be more help to us if you'd deliver a message."
<"A message? Where do I have to go?"
_"Oh, not far. It's just a message for Anon over there."
"What?"
<"For Anon?"
_"This is, uh, gonna take your delicate touch, Fluttershy."
"Oh, fuck, just tell me."
<"What is it?"
>Twilight whispers something into Fluttershy's ear
>Fluttershy flinches
>looks at you
>cringes
>looks at Twilight
>and nods
<"Oh, my. I'll tell him right away."
_"Thanks, Fluttershy. I have to start casting those cloudwalking spells right away, but, uh… good luck."
>Twilight begins barking orders at the crowd, and ponies start lining up in front of her
>Fluttershy gingerly walks up to you
"Oh, just tell me."
<"Uhm… okay, Anon. So… Twilight just told me… that… uhm… mumblemumblemumble…"
>you tap on your ear, afraid that it might be going bad again
"Come again?"
>Fluttershy takes a deep breath
<"Anon, you can't go to Rainbow Dash's house. The cloudwalking spell won't work on you."
"What?"
<"N-not to imply that you're overweight or unwanted in any way, but… uhm, Twilight says that your body is too heavy and too foreign for the spell to work on you."
>well
>shit
<"Now, you've been very brave today, Anon, so we don't want to just abandon you to the zombies."
"What do you mean?"
<"My friends and I are staying down here on the ground too, because we have to find a way to fix things. Anon, if you'd feel safer with us, you can come with us on our journey. Or, if not, we can help you bunker down somewhere before we leave, and you can just hide out on your own til this all blows over."

>the thought of hunkering down in some building while the dead mill about outside seems unappealing
>after all, no barrier is perfect
>and if they managed to get in somehow, it would be harder to avoid getting cornered
>"journey" implies the comparatively open spaces of the outdoors, where it should be easier to dodge the shuffling undead
>also
>you've never been on an adventure before
"I'd honestly rather tag along with you guys."
>Fluttershy smiles
<"Well that's wonderful, Anon. I'm sure you'll be a big help."
>Fluttershy trots to Twilight to report the completion of her mission
>but Twilight is focusing on her cloudwalking spells right now
__"Uh huh, thanks Fluttershy."__
>Rainbow Dash pauses in mid-air, a green unicorn mare in her hooves
~"Huh. Didn't take 'Non for the kind of guy who'd risk his hide like that."
"What the hell's that supposed to mean?"
~"Look, I'm not saying you're a scam artist, but we all pretty much know you as the guy who over-charges for shoddy construction jobs."
>the mare in Dash's hooves nods in agreement
>once again, you silently swear you'll never drag out your hours ever again
>you'll turn over a new leaf
>you'll-
"Wait. Shoddy?"
~"Uh... gottagobye!"
>the unicorn disappears with a yelp as Rainbow Dash zips out the window with her
>the evacuation efforts go on for some time
>but eventually, Twilight casts her last spell on her little dragon friend and sends him away with a grey pegasus mare
>Rainbow Dash returns from her last trip
>the Neighvana album in the distance fades to silence
>Twilight and Dash are both sweating and stooped, but they join their friends - and you - without so much as a falter in their stride
_"Everybody whisper. I don't want to have put up those shields again. The light attracts zombies."
>silent nods of assent ripple through the dim, quiet library
_"We don't have much time, so I'll cut to the chase and tell you what I've found. The zombied are connected by some sort of magical link to something in tne Everfree Forest, I can't tell what. I suspect that if we deal with whatever it is they're connected to, mostly everyone will return to normal."
<"What about that one whose neck I broke?"
>Twilight cringes
_"Well, she... won't return to normal... probably..."
>Fluttershy squeaks into her hooves
~"I knew you had a plan, egghead."
_"It's not much of a plan. We'll have to climb Canterlot Mountain, retrieve the Elements of Harmony, journey back down through Ponyville to the Everfree, and deal with the source of this magic as quickly as possible. If we want to save everyone, there's a time limit."
/"How much time?"
_"Three days. The zombies are decaying very slowly, but they are decaying. By my estimation, we have about three days to save them. After that, their bodies will be too far gone to return to normal operation, and they'll die for real as soon as that Everfree magic is cut off."
/"Three days? Twilight, Canterlot's a quick trip by train, but it'll take all of us two days to hike all the way up and back down again. And we don't even know how long it'll take us to find the Elements in between, seein' as we don't know what's up there."
_"It won't take us two whole days if we go now and go fast, Applejack. That's why-"
/"Two whole days, whole day and a half, one whole day; it's still too long when we don't even know what it is we're lookin' for in the forest."
_"What are you saying?"
/"I'm sayin' let's just go straight into the Everfree Forest."
_"How are we supposed to deal with something this powerful without the Elements?"
/"The Elements are inside of us-"
_"That theory hasn't been proven yet."
~"You know, I could just fly up to Canterlot and grab the Elements myself. Wouldn't take more than an hour."
/"We don't know that because we don't know what's up there. Who knows how long we could be waitin' for you, or if you'd even come back at all?"
>and so on
>and so forth
>eventually, the discussion comes down to this:
>Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy all believe in some sort of plan to go to Canterlot
>Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity are sold on just going straight to the Everfree Forest
>the conversation fades as Applejack and Rainbow Dash simply glare at each other
>finally, a light goes off in Rainbow Dash's head
~"You know, we haven't heard from Anon yet."
"Didn't you just call me a shoddy con artist?"
>Rainbow Dash waves her hoof dismissively
~"That's all in the past, 'Non. You're the tie-breaking vote. Come on, what do you think?"

"Uh, what are the Elements of Harmony again?"
>six looks falling somewhere within the range of the "is-this-faggot-retarded glare" fall upon you
>Rainbow Dash actually facehoofs
~"You know, the little jewel things we used to save Equestria like… a million times?"
_"Twice."
"Look, keeping up on the news is hard."
~"The point is, we use them to beat big evil magic things."
_"I don't know what's in the forest, but we probably don't stand a chance without the Elements."
"Well, that does sound fairly important."
/"But they're in Canterlot, which means we gotta trek up a mountain, pick our way through the most populated city in Equestria, find the Elements, and trek back down the mountain. If we only got three days to save everyone, I don't think we should be wastin' precious time like that."
>Twilight frowns
_"The Elements aren't a waste of time."
<"W-well…"
>discussion stops as Fluttershy dares to speak up
<"I-I mean… Even if we can't save everyone… we'll at least save everyone who hasn't already been bit… I mean… if that's not too mean…"
>damn
>a ruthlessly logical point for the shy little pegasus
"Look, I still don't exactly get these Element things, but it sounds like we kind of need them if we want to not die."
~"Ha! I win! Here, just to make everyone happy, I'll just zip up to Canterlot and get them myself. We'll be in the forest in, like, an hour."
_"No! That's not what we agreed on, Rainbow Dash. We have to stick together. We don't know what could happen to you if you go out all alone, and the Elements are useless without all six of us."
>and, just as you thought the debate was over
>it starts anew
>maybe you should offer your two cents now instead of later
>but what should those two cents be?

_____________________________________

UPDATE: IT'S DED. Sorry guys, but I have to go away for a number of months again soon. We probably could have finished this if 8chan hadn't gone down for so long, but it did, and now I'm out of time. I'm just glad I was able to finish Dime Novel in time. Anyway, I'll try to work on some stuff while I'm away so I can dump it on /pone/ if it's still there when I get back. Until then, see you around space horsefuckers.