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- >Piss drunk on your back porch in the suburbs.
- >No fence on your property because fuck my three neighbors and their scenery-obscuring fences.
- >Cleaning my gun because fuck boredom.
- >Already drunk by 2 pm because Fuck unemployment.
- >Ball of neon blue fuzz comes around the side of your house and waddles into your back yard.
- >"See? Fown' gwassies an' safe pwace! Nuu munstahs! Has foodies!"
- >It's a fucking fluffy pony.
- >Reddish-brown, what's that called? Fuck colors more complicated than those you learned in elementary school, you're drunk.
- >Red/brown fluffy pony waddles into your yard, it's slow and three times as fat as anything that size has any right to be.
- >"Smawtie fwiend good fwiend. Good pwace fow bebbehs! Bebbehs come soon!"
- >And it's fucking pregnant. Last pregnant thing you had to deal with is still leaching money from your hard-earned unemployment insurance check.
- >FUCK THIS.
- >Slam down empty beer bottle on your plastic lawn-chair's armrest. The sudden noise scares the fluffy ponies, who gasp and turn their bulbous eyes at you in terror.
- >"YOU LITTLE SHITS, I'LL TEACH YA TO TRESSPASS!"
- >Eye-hurting blue pony puffs up his cheeks.
- >"Go 'way munstah! This pwace fwuffie's nao!"
- >Before the little piece of crap can finish giving his speech, you've grabbed him by the scruff of his fluff. He cries like a bitch.
- >The other one actually doesn't shit, it just pivots and tries to run, but it's so pregnant that the damn thing can't really do much besides flail.
- >"Nuu! Nuu gif fwuffy owies! Be mummy soon! Fwuffy need hewp!"
- >Scoop it up too.
- >Strut over to the fence of FUCKING neighbor # 2.
- >The Jew with the big Rottweiler that growls and jumps against the fence if you come within 3' of it?
- >Well today the Jew-dog is gonna be entertaining you!
- >Chuck Pony 1 over. it doesn't have any special powers or nothing, you just hear it land with an "Owie"
- >Chuck the pregnant pony over. it must of been a flyer, because it flitters it's tiny wings uselessly as it falls and lands with a similar "Owie!"
- >Hear the beast growl and go straight into a flurry of barks.
- >DIS GUN BE GUD.gif
- >Dog charges out of it's hutch / kennel / thing that looks more expensive than your last pickup truck
- >Saliva and teeth and barking from the dog, screaming and shitting and pissing from the ponies.
- >You run back to get your beer and hope you don't miss the show.
- ----
- >Be retired Isreali soldier from Unit Oketz.
- >Tired of war. Tired of shelling. Tired of Palestinians.
- >Have family and partner I love dearly.
- >Move family to a suburb in the United States.
- >Couldn't leave partner, Deena behind.
- >Deena is extremely heavily trained special forces canine soldier.
- >Her purpose: keep people from entering secured facilities.
- >Even now, she considers this backyard as her secured facility.
- >My wife cannot go into my backyard unless I am there.
- >Our children are not allowed in our backyard unless I am there.
- >The neighbors know not to come into our backyard unless I am there.
- >Except for that asshole behind me with no job. Fuck him.
- ---
- >The barking has stopped.
- >Get to fence in time to see the Rotweiler sniffing the fluffy ponies.
- >"Nuuu! Nuu gif fwuffy owies munstah! Go 'way!"
- >It licks one of them.
- >"Wha- Munstah fwiend? Nuu is munsta'! Yu fwiendwy!"
- >"Munstah kissy owies, make bettah!"
- >"Nuu munstah! Is new mummy!"
- >The rottweiler appears to be smiling in a confused-doggy kind of way.
- >WHAT THE FUCK?
- ----
- >Be Deena.
- >Protect. My place. My protection.
- >Enemy at wall! Enemy at wall!
- >Rush for enemy!
- >Wait, not enemy.
- >Too small. Not smell like gun. Not smell like bomb. Not smell like person.
- >Smell like food?
- >But is not time to eat.
- >Commander is not feeding me.
- >I do not eat.
- >Seem harmless enough.
- >Like small rodent.
- >Rodent are fine. Do not attack rodent. If I attack rodent, Bomb or gun or Person could get past wall.
- >Still... little taste?
- ---
- >Dog was all bark and no bite?
- >FUCK THAT!
- >You'll stomp the fucking fluffies to death if the dog won't do shit!
- >Vault the fence.
- ---
- ENEMY AT WALL!!!!
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