There are many ways to ruin your own fun when trying to have it. There are just the natural ways that happen like burning yourself out or at least not having fun people of other people being rude to you. Or anything like that, sometimes it's just all you, however. Self-inflicted wounds that are the hate of others, and the thought that you may be better than one, better than one who is on the same level as you, one who is the same as you. Some forget some forget that everybody is a person, everybody has a reason for something. Thinking about this itself is enough to even make you never want to think about it again. So we don't, we turn to jokes, we turn to shutting everything out, maybe. Sometimes it's best to see whats real, though what is real is depressing, so we fall back into the pattern of simply joking around. Trying to be noticed, trying to be remembered. For what? What reason is there to be remembered if you'll be gone anyway, what reason is there to be anything if it all ends in the same destination that may or may not be undefined. It all makes no sense to just joke around or to just be too serious. To think about it like this, nothing at all makes sense. It's all just trying to pick apart and see who is who, who does what and trying to think about somebody in a simple one dimensional way. There are many things to a person, and a person isn't who they are on the internet. Or who they are to you, or what you try to think about them. Just by seeing a name, you may hate somebody. But they saw the same as you did, they felt all the emotions you do. They may see things differently, thought is unique. That doesn't mean you can shut somebody out for different thoughts, or perhaps hate somebody for their own thoughts. That is opinion, opinion is fact to the mind, and subject to other minds. Though of course, the statute that these opinions are facts to a mind is shattered when you take into account that thoughts and opinions are flowing, fluxing, and changing. Never stable, weaving through the winds of other minds, disrupted by turbulence and other phenomena of the air, mind, and body. Temporary, the fact would be in this case. Some things are harder to change, like pre-positioned and pre-formed thoughts of people you barely know, people you barely speak to. You try to think that you can just hate somebody because they are that person. You don't know this person, however. You don't know who could they could be. You don't know what they were, and if you try to ask, they may be rude about it. Everybody has their reasons, but to say what is good reason is pretentious... Putting yourself through others shoes empties you, empties what makes you, you. Or perhaps what is you was 'empty' in the first place. The phrase 'empty' sounding like some dumb analogy for saying you are numb. Empty is something hard to place, the feeling you get when you just sit down and feel like wanting to cry at every second. Devoid of something, though nothing exactly. I don't know.  I don't know if anybody would, who could I be if I smarter, who could I be if I had made all the right choices. Though that would not be, would it? Why would I want to be me, in this case? Am I happy? I think so, though what does that mean exactly. What are the properties of being happy, how do I be it, how do I say it? Was I ever happy, am I only a variation of happy, can anything like this be achieved in full? Questions posed rhetorically, though only hoping for an answer. Words are thrown out haphazardly onto a page, knowing they won't be read. Sometimes it just feels pointless to try to write. To try and find an answer.