SexiestBrownie

on 100:Text:~enable say:#:        { .enable #group1  | msg $nick ~say has been enabled }
on 100:Text:~enable damage:#:     { .enable #group2 | msg $nick ~damage has been enabled }
on 100:Text:~enable emotes:#:     { .enable #group3 | msg $nick ~emotes has been enabled }
on 100:Text:~enable transform:#:  { .enable #group4 | msg $nick ~transform has been enabled }
on 100:Text:~enable ask:#:        { .enable #group5 | msg $nick ~ask has been enabled }
on 100:Text:~enable coin:#:       { .enable #group6 | msg $nick ~coin has been enabled }
on 100:Text:~enable pun:#:        { .enable #group7 | msg $nick ~pun has been enabled }
on 100:Text:~enable greet:#:      { .enable #group8 | msg $nick ~greet has been enabled }
on 100:TEXT:~enable all:#:        { .enable #group1 | .enable #group2 | .enable #group3 | .enable #group4 | .enable #group5 | .enable #group6 | .enable #group7 | .disable #group8 }
on 100:Text:~disable say:#:       { .disable #group1 | msg $nick ~say has been disabled }
on 100:Text:~disable damage:#:    { .disable #group2 | msg $nick ~damage has been disabled }
on 100:Text:~disable emotes:#:    { .disable #group3 | msg $nick ~emotes has been disabled }
on 100:Text:~disable transform:#: { .disable #group4 | msg $nick ~transform has been disabled }
on 100:Text:~disable ask:#:       { .disable #group5 | msg $nick ~ask has been disabled }
on 100:Text:~disable coin:#:      { .disable #group6 | msg $nick ~coin has been disabled }
on 100:Text:~disable pun:#:       { .disable #group7 | msg $nick ~pun has been disabled }
on 100:Text:~disable greet:#:     { .disable #group8 | msg $nick ~greet has been disabled }
on 100:TEXT:~disable all:#:       { .disable #group1 .disable #group2 | .disable #group3 | .disable #group4 | .disable #group5 | .disbale #group6 | .disable #group7 | .disable #group8 }
;=========================================================================================================================================
;+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ SAY COMMAND +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
;=========================================================================================================================================
#group1 off
on *:TEXT:~say *:#: {
  if (($2 != /me) && ($left($2,1) != ;) && ($nick != iam4722202468) && ($left($2,2) != ./) && ($2 != nigger) && ($2 != give)) msg $chan $2-
  if ($2 == /me) describe $chan $3-
  if ($nick == iam4722202468) msg $chan $nick $+ : You are not permitted to execute this command!
}
#group1 end
;=========================================================================================================================================
;++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ SLAP COMMAND +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
;=========================================================================================================================================

#group2 on
on *:TEXT:~slap *:#:       { if (($2 ison $chan) && ($2 != $nick) && ($2 != $me) && ($nick != Bro_dude)) describe $chan  slaps $2 $+ .
  if ($2 !ison $chan) describe $chan looks for a $2 to slap...
  if ($2 == $nick) describe $chan wonders why $nick would want to slap himself...
  if ($2 == $me) describe $chan Listen, bro, I'm not gonna slap myself...
}

on *:TEXT:~slap:*:         { describe $chan slaps at the air retardedly. }
#group2 end
;=========================================================================================================================================
;+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ EMOTION COMMANDS ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
;=========================================================================================================================================
#group3 on
on *:TEXT:~frown:#:        { msg $chan :( }
on *:TEXT:~smile:#:        { msg $chan :) }
on *:TEXT:~cry:#:          { msg $chan :'( }
#group3 end
;=========================================================================================================================================
;++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ UNGROUPED ACTIONS ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
;=========================================================================================================================================
on 100:TEXT:~kban *:#:{
  if (($nick isop $chan) && ($3)) .ban -ku $+ $3 $chan $2 | msg $2 You have been banned from $chan for $3 seconds.  Reason for ban: $4-
  if (($nick isop $chan) && (!$3)) .msg $chan You have not specified a time to ban the nick.  I am banning it for 5 minutes by default.
  if (($nick isop $chan) && (!$3)) .ban -ku300 $chan $2
  if (($nick isop $chan) && (!$2)) .msg $chan You have not specified a nick to ban.
  if ($nick !isop $chan) .msg $chan $nick $+ : You do not have permission to excecute this command! | hault
}
on 100:TEXT:~ban *:#:      { .ban -ku $chan $2 | msg $2 You have been banned from $chan by $nick until further notice. Reason: $3- }
on 100:TEXT:~unban *:#:    { .mode $chan -b $2 }
on *:TEXT:~list:#:         { msg $chan frown, smile, cry, transform, say, slap, ask(yes/no only), pun, calc }
on *:TEXT:~source:#:       { msg $chan http://pastebin.com/Ha03kbAa }
on *:TEXT:~ping:#:         { msg $chan pong }
on *:TEXT:~pong:#:         { msg $chan ping }
on *:TEXT:~calc *:#:       { msg $chan $nick $+ : The answer is $calc($2-) }
on 100:TEXT:~op:#:         { .mode $chan +o $nick }
on 100:TEXT:~voice:#:      { .mode $chan +v $nick }
on 100:TEXT:~deop *:#:     { .mode $chan -o $2 }
on 69:TEXT:~fuck *:#:   { if ($3 ison $chan) describe $chan Takes a long pointy stick and shoves it the fuck up $3 $+ 's anus }
on *:TEXT:~pie *:#:        { describe $chan shoves a pie up $3-1000 $+ 's ass }
on 69:TEXT:SexiestCookie: You found *:#: { msg $nick ./flip $4 }
;=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=
;Operator/Voice Commands That User IF STATEMENTS
;=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=
on 100:Text:~quit:#:       { quit $server }
on *:TEXT:~op *:#:         { if ($nick isop $chan) .mode $chan +o $2
if ($nick !isop $chan) msg $nick You are not permitted to excecute this command! }
on *:TEXT:~voice *:#:      { if ($nick isop $chan) .mode $chan +v $2
if ($nick !isop $chan) msg $nick You are not permitted to excecute this command! }
on *:TEXT:~topic *:#:      { if ($nick isop $chan) .topic $chan $2-
if ($nick !isop $chan) msg $nick You are not permitted to excecute this command! }
on *:Text:~kick *:#:       { if (($nick isop $chan) && ($2 !isop $chan)) kick $chan $$2 $3-
  if ($nick !isop $chan) msg $nick You are not permitted to excecute this command!
if ($2 isop $chan) msg $nick You are not permitted to excecute this command on this user! }
on *:TEXT:~devoice:#:      { if ($nick isvoice $chan ).mode $chan -v $nick
if ($nick !isvoice $chan) msg $nick You are not permitted to excecute this command! }
on *:TEXT:~devoice *:#:    { if ($nick isop $chan) .mode $chan -v $2
if ($nick !isop $chan) msg $nick You are not permitted to excecute this command! }
on *:TEXT:~deop:#:         { if ($nick isop $chan) .mode $chan -o $nick
if ($nick !isop $chan) msg $nick You are not permitted to excecute this command! }
on *:TEXT:~unban *:#:      { if ($nick isop $chan) .mode $chan -b $2
if ($nick !isop $chan) msg $nick You are not permitted to excecute this command! }
on *:Text:~stfu *:#:       { if (($nick isop $chan) && ($2 !isop $chan)) .mode $chan +q $$2 $3-
  if ($nick !isop $chan) msg $nick You are not permitted to excecute this command!
if ($2 isop $chan) msg $nick You are not permitted to excecute this command on this user! }

on *:Text:~speak *:#:      { if ($nick isop $chan) .mode $chan -q $$2 $3-
if ($nick !isop $chan) msg $nick You are not permitted to excecute this command! }
;=========================================================================================================================================
;+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ TRANSFORM ACTIVATION ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
;=========================================================================================================================================
#group4 on
on *:TEXT:~transform *:#:  { if ($2 != $nick) msg $chan $nick has turned $2 into a $3- $+ !
  if ($2 == $nick) msg $chan $nick has transformed himself into a $3- $+ !
}
#group4 end
;=========================================================================================================================================
;+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ HELP COMMANDS & STUFF +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
;=========================================================================================================================================
on *:TEXT:~help transform:#:   { msg $chan $nick $+ : '~transform [user] [object]'  turns a user into a specified object. }
on *:TEXT:~help calc:#:        { msg $chan $nick $+ : '~calc [mathy sutff]' helps you with math homework }
on *:TEXT:~help source:#:      { msg $chan $nick $+ : '~source' has a link to the (hopefully) updated source to me (The bot.) }
on *:TEXT:~help say:#:         { msg $chan $nick $+ : '~say [text]' makes me (the bot) repeat what you tell it to. }
on *:TEXT:~help slap:#:        { msg $chan $nick $+ : '~slap [user]' slaps the specified user }
on *:TEXT:~help punch:#:       { msg $chan $nick $+ : '~punch [user]' punches the specified user. (in the face) }
on *:Text:~help:#:             { msg $chan $nick $+ : This command can be excecuted on the following: [~] transform, calc, source, say, slap, [and] punch }
on *:TEXT:~help pun:#:         { msg $chan $nick $+ : '~pun' Lists a random pun from my database }
;=========================================================================================================================================
;++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ASK A QUESTION +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
;=========================================================================================================================================
#group5 on
on *:TEXT:~ask *:#:{
  var %a = $rand(1,15)
  if (%a == 1) msg $chan Yea...sure...
  if (%a == 3) msg $chan Yes.
  if (%a == 5) msg $chan Sure thing!
  if (%a == 7) msg $chan Yezzir!
  if (%a == 9) msg $chan Well, duh...

  if (%a == 2) msg $chan Oh hell naw!
  if (%a == 4) msg $chan No.
  if (%a == 6) msg $chan Are you stupid?
  if (%a == 8) msg $chan Even a tree knows that the answer is 'no'.
  if (%a == 10) msg $chan I feel like you want the answer to be 'no'...so it is!

  if (%a == 11) msg $chan I'm not sure about that one...
  if (%a == 12) msg $chan How do you expect me to know?
  if (%a == 13) msg $chan Nice shoes...where'd you get 'em?
  if (%a == 14) msg $chan Ask me something I know!
  if (%a == 15) msg $chan Man, you suck at asking questions...
}
#group5 end
;=========================================================================================================================================
;+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ COIN ACTIVATION +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
;=========================================================================================================================================
#group6 on
on *:TEXT:~coin:#: {
  var %f = $rand(1,2)
  if (%f == 1) msg $chan Heads!
  if (%f == 2) msg $chan Tails!
}
#group6 end
;=========================================================================================================================================
;++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ PUN ACTIVATION +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
;=========================================================================================================================================
#group7 on
on *:TEXT:~pun:#: {
  var %g = $rand(1,58)
  if (%g == 1) msg $chan Broken pencils are so pointless...
  if (%g == 2) msg $chan What does a clock do when it's hungry?  It goes back four seconds.
  if (%g == 3) msg $chan How do you make holy water?  You boil the hell out of it!
  if (%g == 4) msg $chan I didn't like facial hair at first, but it started to grow on me.
  if (%g == 5) msg $chan A man got arrested for making bad puns...  I wonder what his PUNishment was?
  if (%g == 6) msg $chan What do you call an alligator in a vest?  An investigator!
  if (%g == 7) msg $chan I made a song about tortillas.   Actually, it is more of a rap.
  if (%g == 8) msg $chan How many hamsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?  Just two, but don't ask me how they got in there...
  if (%g == 9) msg $chan I know a guy who is addicted to brake fluid.  He says he can stop any time.
  if (%g == 10) msg $chan Jokes about German sausage are the wurst!
  if (%g == 11) msg $chan When chemists die, they Barium.
  if (%g == 12) msg $chan What does salt say when it hears a funny joke?  "That's sodium funny!"
  if (%g == 13) msg $chan Russian dolls are just so full of themselves!
  if (%g == 14) msg $chan What does a doughnut say in prison?  "I doughnut belong here!"
  if (%g == 15) msg $chan I tried to think of a chemistry pun, but all the good ones Argon.
  if (%g == 16) msg $chan How does a turtle die?  It Kermits suicide.
  if (%g == 17) msg $chan The bicycle couldn't stand on its own because it was too tired.
  if (%g == 18) msg $chan The butcher backed up into his meat grinder and got a little behind his work.
  if (%g == 19) msg $chan A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.
  if (%g == 20) msg $chan Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and ill show u A-flat minor.
  if (%g == 21) msg $chan What did the grape say when it got stomped on?  Nothing, but it let out a little wine.
  if (%g == 22) msg $chan A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.
  if (%g == 23) msg $chan I get my large circumference from too much pi.
  if (%g == 24) msg $chan When the TV repairman got married, the reception was excellent.
  if (%g == 25) msg $chan Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
  if (%g == 26) msg $chan He didn't tell his mother that he ate some glue...I guess you could say his lips were sealed.
  if (%g == 27) msg $chan The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.
  if (%g == 28) msg $chan The chickens were distraught when the tornado destroyed their home. Hopefully they will be able to recoup.
  if (%g == 29) msg $chan The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
  if (%g == 30) msg $chan A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
  if (%g == 31) msg $chan The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
  if (%g == 32) msg $chan A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
  if (%g == 34) msg $chan What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
  if (%g == 35) msg $chan I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted.
  if (%g == 36) msg $chan Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
  if (%g == 37) msg $chan Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.
  if (%g == 38) msg $chan I used to do rock climbing as a youth, but I was much boulder back then.
  if (%g == 39) msg $chan Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
  if (%g == 40) msg $chan When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.
  if (%g == 41) msg $chan Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?
  if (%g == 42) msg $chan Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.
  if (%g == 43) msg $chan It is tough to do inventories in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.
  if (%g == 44) msg $chan Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
  if (%g == 45) msg $chan Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
  if (%g == 46) msg $chan There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.
  if (%g == 47) msg $chan Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
  if (%g == 48) msg $chan It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
  if (%g == 49) msg $chan I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
  if (%g == 50) msg $chan I had a fear of hurdles, but i got over it.
  if (%g == 51) msg $chan If they make a mall for midgets is i called a Small?
  if (%g == 52) msg $chan According to science class...alcohol is a solution.
  if (%g == 53) msg $chan What does a lonely owl say?  "Why must I be owl alone?"
  if (%g == 54) msg $chan Magnifying glasses were a...MAGNIFIcent invention...
  if (%g == 55) msg $chan What does a lonely owl say?  "WHO wants to hang out with me?! D:"
  if (%g == 56) msg $chan What did one molecule say to the suspicious-looking molecule?  "I've got my ion you..."
  if (%g == 57) msg $chan What did the exhausted wizard do?  She took a spell!
  if (%g == 58) msg $chan why was eight scared of seven?  'Cause seven eight nine! (YA GET IT...CUZ 7 ATE NINE...SEVEN 8 NINE...YEA...)
}
#group7 end





;==========================================================================================================================================
;=============================================================== GREETER ==================================================================
;==========================================================================================================================================
#group8 off
on *:JOIN:#: { msg $chan Welcome to $chan $+ , $nick $+ , I hope you have a wonderful time! ^-^ }
#group8 end