Hi Shelby,

One of the things that I like to emphasize that true liberation/enlightenment isn’t a permanent state of being or mind, so it’s important not to become attached to any particular state of being, such as you’ve experienced here. These kinds of “grace” experiences are quite common, and they never last. Sometimes they can last up to a few years, but for most, a few weeks is more common.

Rather than looking at this as a state to be regained, I’d encouraging looking at it as a “reset” period where you gave yourself to opportunity to experience yourself outside of your normal patterns and egoic constructs. So now this can serve as a barometer for you to gauge how you are doing in any given moment. Think about which patterns were absent or non-active when in this state, and observe how such patterns of self-idenfication get in your way, subsequently. Resting in liberation means persistent attention to where you are putting your focus and energy - whether you are acting unconsciously, resisting, projecting, etc. or resting in presence and awareness. Egoic patterns are often subtle, and terribly tenacious, so they like to reassert whenever they can, so it takes vigilance to be aware of how they are acting on you and influencing your experience of yourself and reality.

So rather than chasing after regaining this experience, take the opportunity to observe yourself and see how your choices and action might be getting in the way and causing you disruption. Just be with each moment as it arises. True liberation is flexible, open, and responsive to relaxing into what is, rather than how we want things to be. It can sound cliche, but it is about learning how to go with the flow of how things are rather than trying to control outcomes or states. The less you try, the more easily you can just be :) As you mention, the experience arose without trying, and the ego can’t do anything in particular to get it back, because that’s just the ego trying. Only by not trying and giving up can these states spontaneously flourish.

As a side note, alcohol usually gets in the way of this way of being (at least, for most people, most of the time). ;)

Overall, just keep in mind that there’s always a difference between an “enlightenment experience” - even one that lasts weeks or year - and genuine liberation. It’s not about a permanent state, other than being energetically flexible, open, and clear - and within this, experience, perception, and awareness are constantly shifting and changing, so it’s learning how to go with that and embody it fully in any moment. Sometimes it’s ecstatic and blissful, and other times, not so much. It’s by finding your center and resting there that you can find the unchanged level in the midst of the ever-changing.

Hope this helps :)

All the best,

M