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- >They lead you back down the hall to your cell and leave you there.
- >It was daytime schedule so the cells were open.
- >Your cell mate was gone, so you flop down on the bed again.
- >Half your limbs hang off of it, being a prisoner they didn’t really care about your comfort.
- >You pick the book back up, open it, and stare at the page for a few moments not actually reading.
- “Iron… iron…”
- >Just beyond the edge of the book you spy the little ventilation grate.
- >You can’t help but smile, time to get out of here.
- >With a quick twist you roll off the bed and toss the book down.
- >A rather conspicuous and loud screeching grabs the attention of the other prisoners as you move the bed under the grate.
- >The crowd begins to gather around your cell, no guards yet, prisoners only.
- >You spring on top of the bed and reach for the grate, upon contact it turns to water.
- >A cake falls out of the hole and lands square on your face.
- “What did I expect?”
- >The small crowd laughs and chortles as you reach up to wipe away the cake.
- >However your hands close around a small putty like brick wrapped in tight paper.
- >You pull the brick away and look at the label.
- *Careful, don’t want a cavity now*
- “Shiv, who’s got shiv.”
- >The surrounding prisoners give you a funny look.
- “Really?”
- >You slam the brick into your incisor and move the new hole under your nose.
- >Almonds.
- “Discord this is some plastic paddy shit right here.”
- >a quick pat down of the rest of the cake reveals the detonator.
- >It’s one of the old chemical pencil style detonators.
- >You leap off the bed and pull the adhesive strip off the back and slam it against the wall.
- >Taking a quick peak behind you confirms your suspicions, the rest of the pony prisoners are closing in around you.
- >Not hostile, just curious.
- “Ya’ll might want to step back… further… just go around the corner.”
- >The plastic explosive gives way before the detonator, you have just the song for this.
- “My da he’s up in long kesh, to me it’s just not right, I say a special prayer for him as I go to bed each night”
- >You continue singing as you search for the Daring book.
- “Today it was his birthday I sent him in a cake with semtex in the candles.”
- >You smash the binding of the book against the chemical vial.
- “He’ll be out before I wake!”
- >The fuse said ten seconds, but knowing Disco it’s probably more like three.
- >With a thud you join the other prisoners standing behind the walls.
- “Drop yer jaws and cover yer ears! The winds are singing freedom!”
- >You follow your own advice as you mentally count down the fuse, next to sits you cell mate.
- >He’s following your example, sitting on his him legs and dropping his jaw.
- *Thwoom!*
- >None of the prisoners wait for the dust to settle, already starting to pour out the hole.
- >Your cell is on the third story so most of the earth ponies have to rely on the unicorns or pegasi.
- >Not wasting any time you grab your cell mate and pick him up off the ground and shake him slightly.
- “Spread your wings buddy, it’s time!”
- >The small Pegasus nods frantically as the alarm goes off.
- >You hold him high as you leap out the newly formed door.
- >Oh, it’s bright out.
- >With clipped wings and a heavy human your cellmate doesn’t do so well.
- >The fall is much faster than you would have liked, but not enough to break anything.
- >Landing however is pretty jarring.
- >You recover pretty quickly as your cell mate worms his way out of your grip and take off into the surrounding woods.
- “You could at least say thanks!”
- >Ponies continue to exit through the blast hole and stream into the forest in front of you.
- >No point in running, it’s not like the guard are out here alre-
- >Dogs, you hear dogs.
- >No, running is a sound idea.
- >About a week ago you found a sign post pointing the way to Canterlot and started following that road.
- >How have you stayed alive and fed?
- >Same as always Anon, stealing shit from idiot midget horses.
- >Hell, managed to make off with a whole cart of pottery.
- >Which you promptly filled with water and other essentials foraged from the surrounding area.
- >You have only entered Canterlot at night, instead residing on the mountain side outside the city… fortress… thing.
- >You have a small fire, dug deep into the ground to prevent you from being seen.
- >These binoculars are coming in real handy, to think all it cost you was a trash can through the window.
- >For once in your life you’re actually going to plan and study a target.
- >Because you’re going to take back your goddamn two stroke.
- >Alright, you got this, tonight’s the night.
- >While most ponies left their doors unlock on a consistent basis, government buildings were a different matter entirely.
- >First there was a three story wall surrounding the whole goddamn palace.
- >So through the gate house then.
- >Not to fear, ingenuity and hick science is here.
- >Also a bunch of stolen pipes n’ shit, ha, you stole stuff to steal other stuff.
- >Taking a quick peak up and down the street confirms that it’s empty.
- >You step out into the streets and begin to spray the aerosol into the rear chamber, as you aim the barrels.
- >Alright good, you place the fuse and light, and run for the moat.
- >You never really considered it, but maybe you should stop stealin’ at some point.
- >Nah.
- >With a thud you land on the embankment next to the gate house, making sure to keep low and avoid the exterior lanterns.
- >This would be so much easier if Disco was here, but he’s been gone ever since the break out.
- *Bo!-Thwump*
- >There’s the aerosol cannon, and there’s the grapefruit ammunition smeared on the gate’s doors.
- >”What was that?”
- >”Somepony out there!?”
- >Wait for it.
- >”Hello?”
- >”Dude just open the door.”
- >The gate locks shift, great metal contraptions from what you can hear.
- >Once the metallic clanking stops the gate opens slightly, enough to maybe stick an eye out.
- >”Hello?”
- >Wait for it.
- >The door swings all the way open.
- >”Hello? Anypony out there?”
- >Now, with a sudden burst of energy you pull yourself onto the edge of the bridge.
- >It takes a little effort but you manage to stay behind the open door.
- >Once there you push off the railing of the moat, gain a foothold on the knocker and climb on top of the great wooden door.
- >”No one’s here.”
- >It’s a good thing these doors are so big, any thinner and you might not have been able to balance.
- >”Egh, whatever, let the next shift deal with it.”
- >The door begins to close as the guards resume their night shift chatter.
- >Once in reach you grab onto the railing for the top of the gate house and pull yourself into a decorative ledge next to two stone alicorns around some sort of crest.
- >”Did you hear that?”
- >You push yourself further into the crevice in case the guards on top of the gatehouse look over.
- >”I don’t hear anything.”
- >”You gotta stop going to those concerts; it’s ruining your hearing.”
- >Shift change should be any minute now.
- >”What can I say, I like them.”
- >There’s the sound of a hand bell being rung in the distance.
- >You hear hoofsteps, moving away from you.
- >”Finally.”
- >”I should take-“
- >Yeah, their conversation isn’t important.
- >Slowly you begin to extract yourself from your hiding spot and grab onto the railing for a second time.
- >If your observations are accurate you have about a minute before the next shift shows up.
- >With a grunt you pull yourself over the ledge and calmly walk to the other side.
- >As you know from experience ‘stealth running’ is a fast way to look like a drooling moron.
- >Once on the other side you hop the railing, and take a quick peak down.
- >A raised planter, perfect.
- >You gently lower yourself as you hear more hoofsteps and idle conversation.
- >Drop, land, nice and quiet.
- >With that you gently make your way through the plants, keeping a close eye on the ground.
- >All to do now is walk across the courtyard, once again, planning has paid off, you know that there’s only one team of guards patrolling the open area.
- >You squat down in the bushes and wait for them to pass.
- >This is suspiciously easy.
- >Ponies were always bad at security, really bad, you publicly laughed when it was announced that Canterlot was infiltrated.
- >They call themselves a military, you’re working hard not to laugh right now.
- >Alright deep breath, lift the door and open.
- >As suspect the staff entrance to the palace was completely unlocked.
- >You begin your journey up the stairs and come out to a small service kitchen.
- >It’s nearly empty save for a single maid preparing a small tray of food, horse food too.
- >Goddamn, you can’t stomach the sight any more fucking hay.
- >She walks over to a dumb waiter and pulls a lever, the whine of magic kicks up and it drops down.
- >The maid promptly hangs her apron and takes her head piece off and leaves out the door.
- >Once the door closes you step out, wonder what sort of goodies they eat here, you open the pantry and pull out the first jar.
- >Fuck. Yes. Beef jerky, probably meant for other species.
- >Wait, what the hell.
- >Other species? This is just the building for the science team.
- >You spy a directory pinned to the wall and saunter over, still cramming bits of dried meat into your mouth.
- >There’s the directory, lets see, bubble #1 is…
- *P. Celestia: Private study*
- >Did you just break into the ‘that’ palace?
- >Huh.
- >This is just embarrassing, it literally was just a wall and some skimpy guard teams.
- >You didn’t even have discord helping, what the shit guys.
- >Looking back at the directory you run one finger down the list and continue eating the jerky with the other.
- >There, found it, ‘Science Team Storage’ two floors down.
- >But.
- >Wait, two of the four princesses reside here… There’s a whole lot of shit that you simply can’t leave without.
- >You cram the last mouthfuls of beef jerky into your face hole as you set the dial on the dumb waiter.
- >Turns out learning their written language was a good idea.
- >Moments before you climb in a small twinkle catches your eye, a small little personal sized bottle of bourbon.
- “Nifty.”
- >You take the bottle, pop the cap, and crawl into the dumbwaiter making sure to bring a couple of burlap sacks with you
- >The wine of magic carries you up to your destination as you take little sips of bourbon.
- >Gotta pace yourself it’s going to be a long night.
- >The dumbwaiter moves quickly and comes to a gentle stop at your desired room.
- >Slowly you slide the roll doors open and gently un-pretzel yourself from the dumbwaiter.
- >Your eyes never leave the sleeping pony in the room; she’s laid in a huge bed and her mane won’t stop moving.
- >As you begin to set your feet on the floor Celestia stirs and rolls over in the bed.
- >You freeze in place and watch her roll about.
- >Wait a moment; you try your hardest to focus your eyes in the dark.
- >She’s wearing earplugs, really big ones too.
- “Oh, sweet, you don’t mind if I stop by for a little bit?”
- >You begin to load up the burlap sack with everything that appeals to your inner magpie.
- “I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d just thank you for the fair and humane trial.”
- >You place the sack of loot in the dumbwaiter and send it back to the service kitchen as you being to work on the second one.
- “As you can see, the system works, I am now an esteemed guest to the royal crown. Completely reformed.”
- >Something stops you, looking down you find yourself holding a framed photo.
- >It’s a very young Twilight and Celestia, in childrens handwriting in the corner it reads:
- *Thank you Princess Celestia, I will try my hardest.”
- >There’s a moment of hesitation, then you place it back on the dresser.
- “Not worth anything anyways.”
- >Well you’ve taken everything of value that you can grab from this room.
- >It’s time.
- >One of the few things you didn’t take was the little pots of ink.
- >Grabbing a brush from her desk you begin your work.
- >Dicks.
- >Just drawing dicks everywhere.
- >You finish putting the cumslit on the big one covering the huge window.
- “Look, isn’t it brilliant, I think I really captured the prick like nature of your people.”
- >You toss the brush aside and begin to cram yourself into the dumb waiter again, already having spent too long here.
- “It’s been fun but I gotta run, you make sure to keep in touch.”
- >You lower the dumb waiter to the kitchen, drop off any new loot, and walk across to the other dumbwaiter.
- >It’s Luna’s turn now.
- >Crawl into the dumbwaiter; raise yourself up to the proper floor.
- >Slowly lift the shutter, shit the lights are still on.
- >You can hear a shower running however.
- >Alright, speedy theft time.
- >There’s a mannequin in the corner wearing all her royal accoutrements.
- >Target 1 sighted.
- >With little care for noise you run over and nab the crown and shoes.
- >The neck thing is all one piece and seemingly painted in place.
- >Seriously fuck magic.
- >The shower stops, and you book it back to the dumbwaiter.
- >With a great clatter you slam yourself into the tiny confined space.
- >”Who’s there?!”
- >You hit the exterior lever and call out in a thickly accented voice.
- “Oh, don’t cha worry your head about it laddie, it ain’t but tha wind.”
- >You slide the dumb waiter closed as the door bursts open.
- >“Gaurds!”
- >Well it was fun while it lasted, time to hit up the science team storage and high tail it.
- >To where?
- >Eh, cross that bridge when we come to it.
- >The dumbwaiter moves down, take another sip.
- >You pull the bottle from your prison jumpsuit and take a little more than a sip.
- >The dumbwaiter stops, leap out and push over the bags of Celestias stuff.
- >Speed is a top fucking priority right now.
- >Aha! You grab the crown and royal jewelry and toss them in the bag with Luna’s.
- *whi-bang*
- >The sound of teleportation echoes above you.
- >”Luna, we came as quickly as we could!”
- >You hear a door open above you.
- >”Someone drew phalluses across walls!”
- >It’s an inevitability, this is too funny, a gut busting laugh surges forth.
- >”There! Below us.”
- >You hear a clatter of armored hoofs as the guards move to the stairs.
- “Gypsy shit.”
- >Back into the dumb waiter, set the dials hit the lever.
- “Ya’ll gotta catch me first!”
- >It’s oddly calm just listening to the whine of magic in the dark.
- >It comes to a stop and you clamber out, only stumbling slightly.
- >Hooray for basement levels, no matter where you are they always look the same.
- >You throw the burlap ties over your shoulder and go to the floor map posted just a few steps down the hall.
- >You jog that short stretch, ponies are undeniably faster in a straight line.
- >Then again, four on the floor doesn’t lend itself to speed turning.
- >The brain performs some quick numbers checks, you have maybe like six minutes before they get to this floor.
- >There’s the door… and… it’s… locked. First locked door you’ve encountered this whole time.
- “Fuck you to god.”
- >You tear off a sleeve of your jumpsuit with your semi-drunken hobo power.
- >Time to perform some high tech lock picking.
- >Your cloth wrapped hand punches right through the thin glass view port.
- “Ow, bitch. Fuck.”
- >Blindly groping around for the lock is a good way to cut up your arm.
- *click*
- >Finally, drawing your arm back you take a moment to inspect it.
- >Just some shallow, but painful cuts, nothing arterial.
- >You begin to tie the ripped sleeve off around your arm as you walk in.
- >There’s a large cell in one of the corners, a very familiar figure sits in it.
- “Disco! Whatcha waiting around for buddy?”
- >”Just waiting to be turned to stone as soon as they figure out a way.”
- >You scan the rest of the room; it’s full of half-baked and partially finished inventions.
- >Including the two stroke.
- “C’mon man, were getting out of here.”
- >”Can’t, it’s my punishment for helping you.”
- >Looking back you see him wagging a ring on his paw.
- >”Magic inhibiting and sized too small. I really should have told you to hold off on the escape.”
- >He extends his hand to look at the ring, you can already hear hoofsteps coming through the broken door.
- “So, if you didn’t have that you could warp out right?”
- >”Correct.”
- “And you would also get your magic back?”
- >”Correct again.”
- >Pick up the two stroke and a rather large piece of glass.
- >Reaching in you pull his arm out through the bars and set it down on a nearby table.
- >”Anon whatever you’re planning I can assure you that Cel-“
- >You slam down the piece of glass on the ringed digit.
- >He lets out a yelp of pain, that pitches from a tenor to a soprano as you bring the two stroke down on top of the bit of glass.
- >Again.
- >The digit comes off, you pick up the digit and remove the ring.
- “Ah heh, here.”
- >You hand him back his bit of paw and pocket the ring.
- >He gives you a laconic and tired look before literally screwing his finger back in place and turning into a swarm of ants.
- >The ants form together on the other side.
- >”Well, that was a dreadful affair.”
- “Yeah, well. How do we get out of here?”
- >The hoof steps are getting really close now.
- >”I would like to leave a small parting gift first, but I believe we shall leave by the most elegant system around.”
- >On cue a rocket powered train smashes through the walls and comes to a halt.
- “Jesus Christ… This fuckin awesome.”
- >He grabs the table you were using and crumples it in his hands, transforming it into a jack-in-a-box.
- >You begin climbing up the train’s ladder, as Discord turns the crank on it.
- >It lets out a playful little melody, the guards round the corner spears raised.
- >Time for another drink, it’s empty.
- “Eat shit you-“
- >As you throw the bottle Discord turns the handle a final crank, the top explodes off launching scorpions through the ranks of the guards.
- >He slowly turns and climbs up into the train.
- >”Let us leave this place and never return.”
- “I assume this is the on button.”
- >Behold, you are right.
- >The train smashes through the walls and emerges from the ground, in the castle courtyard.
- >As it moves forwards sections of track appear before it, as the ones behind it disappear.
- >Within seconds the two of you are already out of sight of Canterlot and the palace.
- >Without saying a word discord moves to the car behind the engine.
- >After standing around for a few moments, confused by his sudden shift in demeanor, you decide to join him.
- >His normal dry humor seemed lacking.
- >The next and only car on the train was a bar/ dining car.
- >Discord is sitting at the bar with a martini in front of him.
- >You go behind the bar and make yourself a white Russian.
- >He didn’t seem inclined to talk.
- >So you stand across from him and begin sorting your haul.
- >The engine, a bunch of really ornate jewelry, and of course, all the royal stuff.
- >You reach under the counter and find a couple cartons of cigarettes, you tear one open and take out a pack.
- >Tap, open, and offer discord one.
- >He reaches for it, at the last minute you pull it back.
- “Look, I can tell something’s eatin’ at ya. Ain’t good to keep it locked up.”
- >He reaches again and you let him take one.
- >You take one as well, and pull up an ashtray from behind the bar.
- >Something was really eating at him, if he wasn’t using his magic for little things anymore.
- “Look, I’m sorry they found out alright.”
- >He hasn’t even light the damned cancer tube yet.
- >With a grumble you grab a candle off the wall and light it for him, catching your own before you put it back.
- >If he doesn’t want to talk then fine, you’re perfectly happy to simply drink and relax.
- >This goes on for a while.
- >”Teaching me friendship, what a crock.”
- >You warily regard him for a few seconds.
- >”First time I do something for nothing, what I would consider a true act of friendship.”
- >You take another sip as he talks, this is important. Let him say his piece.
- >”Did you know they’ve been tracking me this whole time? I didn’t.”
- >”In the last week I’ve burnt every bridge I’ve made in the past year or so.”
- >He sighs and goes quiet.
- >The train starts to slow down quickly, taking you off your feet and sending the drinks flying across the room.
- >”That must be our stop.”
- >You scrabble up to your feet and look out the window, some scattered streetlights but not really much of anything.
- “Where is ‘our stop’?”
- >”A small little costal village as far away from Canterlot as this continent will allow.”
- >The two of you step down from the train, which had parked itself in the middle of the main street.
- >It’s should only be about six AM or so but the sun suddenly just appears in the middle of the sky.
- “Oh man, she must be pissed.”
- >”Pray tell, what else did you do?”
- “I drew dicks all over her room.”
- >Disco lets out a little smile, good to see him happy.
- >”Well, what do we do now?”
- “I hear the Griffons have some nice shiny stuff.”
- >He looks down at you for a moment considering the options.
- >”You go ahead, there’s some stuff here I want to do.”
- “Flutters?”
- >He chuckles and looks down.
- “You don’t get caught again now.”
- >”No promises.”
- >You put out your hand, he takes it.
- >With that you begin your walk towards the docks to find a ship to stow away on.
- “You better visit me!”
- >He gives a thumbs up before teleporting out and removing the train.
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