Deadmeat Chronicles: The Jogger

>You are a jogger out for your morning run.
>You have on a tight sleeveless T-shirt cut off just below your chest.
>You have on name brand running shorts and designer shoes.
>Your name is Chad and you feel it is your duty to show the ladies what you got.
>Every time you run past a girl sitting on a bench you give a quick flex.
>Not too much though, you don’t want to overload them on the Chad.
>You have run a few miles in the park and decide to rest.
>You sit down on a bench and pull your shorts tight.
>Everyone wants to see the Chad’s package.
>You bring your hands behind your head flexing your biceps when you notice a nearby trash can shaking.
>Curiosity gets the better of you and you walk over to it.
>It is a square can on an elevated base standing on four short legs.
>The shaking is coming from underneath it.
>You look under it and find a shivering maroon unicorn fluffy, its eyes wide in terror.
>”Nuuuu, scawy munsta find Deadmeat!” It covers its face in fear.
>You laugh, “I can understand why you think the Chad is scary but trust me little dude, I’m not a monster.”
>The fluffy doesn’t take its hooves away, “Nuuuu, the scawy monsta! Dat who Deadmeat hide fwom!”
>You look around, all you see is other joggers and other people just milling around.
>”There’s no monster out here dude. I don’t think you need to be scared of anything.”
>”Nuuuu, scawy monsta out der! Deadmeat twy to see it but no see!”
>”Well where is this monster at? The Chad would like to see it too.”
>”Dunno, all Deadmeat know is two wegged monsta wun fwom it evewy day! Yoo wunning fwom it too!”
>You think on what the fluffy just said.
>You stand up and laugh, “Dude, the Chad isn’t running from a monster, the Chad is staying in shape!”
>After a minute you hear, “So… no scawy monsta?”
>”Hehehe, no dude. The Chad has to keep his body in peak form for the ladies.”
>After hearing nothing you bend down and point under the trash can to a couple of girls.
>”See those two honeys over there?”
>You stand back up, seeing a maroon nose poke out from under the can tells you he’s looking.
>”See how they’re laughing and pointing this way? That is them digging on the Chad!”
>”Wunning make fwuffy wike me?”
>”Can’t guarantee that, I’m not a fluffy pony. But it will make you better.”
>The can isn’t shaking any more but the fluffy still stays under it.
>”How wunning hewp Deadmeat?”
>”Well… like those smarty friends in your group. They aren’t smart, they’re just stronger than the rest.”
>”Smawty fwen no smawt?”
>”Nope, they just probably got in shape, you should try it.”
>You start running in place.
>”The Chad has to run again dude. Peace out.” You take off jogging again.
>You run every day.
>And some days you swear you see a maroon ball of fluff running in the tree line away from everybody.
>Stay in shape little dude.