RiptideTempora Egofagging Like it's 2008

<<Introduction>>
Hello, my Twitter handle is @RiptideTempora, and I've apparently caused a minor bit of confusion for a couple of buttsore individuals over the past couple of months, so I'm writing this so I can copypaste a link to this instead of having to put forth effort of explaining this later. I think they call that innovation: Putting forth effort now so you can be lazy tomorrow. I'm a reverse-procrastinator in that way.

tl;dr this pastebin is everything you need to know to get to know me, if you're too lazy to get to know me directly

<<Who is this faggot?>>
I'm just a programming student in the United States. I've got a clear understanding of PHP and Javascript, and I've been branching out to many others (Bash, Java, C, C++, Python, Ruby, Perl). Obviously I know HTML5 and CSS, and I use jQuery like it's going out of style (which is to say, like it already hasn't).

One person thought I was affiliated with the Rustle League. This is demonstrably false. I am the comedy version of a script kiddie. A talentless hack. Whereas RL is like, radioactive lulz. Although some of their antics have bordered on bullying, they're largely hilarious in everything they do. They're clever people who aggressively pursue a free speech agenda through deprecation of anyone who isn't boring.

A handful of others seemed to think I'm a hacker. Depending on your definition (a touchy issue for the folk especially in need of Preparation H), I don't qualify for that designation. (See below for my definition if you're interested.) I'm certainly not stupid enough to try to hack into an already hacked server to try to remove my name from a defacement webpage. (Aside from `man netstat`, that's a great way to get v& for CFAA violations and have every bullshit thing you've ever tweeted get used against you in court.)

<<Do you even l0pht bro?>>
I've received a couple of invitations to join hacker crews (probably script-kiddie level, 99% sure they never got off the ground anyway), and my answer is always going to be the same: Not interested. This is what I do with my time:
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LEGEND
	=	Reading hacker ezines from the 2000s (I recommend this activity; interesting stuff!)
	|	Self-education (reading comp sci papers, practicing bash, reading man pages, etc.)
	x	Playing video games with close personal friends
	$	Work
	@	College
	#	Sleep

I don't have the time to put my livelihood at risk in pursuit of fame and ego. If you do, consider buying a porn subscription and a fleshlight instead. Because shit.

<<What does "hacker" mean to you?>>
A hacker is someone who exercises ingenuity in solving a perceived problem. In the old school sense, this meant writing code that did something clever (the "clever programmer" definition). In a more modern sense, this could also mean solving social issues through computer intrusion (excellent example: when the information security industry was buying the media hype around Dan Kaminsky in 2009, a group of hackers called Zero for 0wned broke into his computer systems and exposed his poor security practices).

I believe this necessitates some form of creativity or creative action. Even if your outcome is destructive, if you had to write your own 0day exploit, there's no doubt in my mind that you're a hacker.

What falls short of being a hacker is downloading Backtrack/Kali, buying a RAT off HackForums, and loading a trojan onto some innocent bloke's blog to steal banking information and deface personal websites-- all for the sake of satisfying your own need for attention.

<<Outro>>
This is already tl;dr so I'll just leave it with some quotes from people near and dear to me. If anyone actually reads this all and still feels like I'm a threat (I'm looking at you, seriousmode), get a life.

"Just because you can, doesn't mean you should."
"If you think you know, you don't know. If you don't know, find out."
"The only thing that truly separates us is distance and time." (Corollary: If you have the time and can go the distance, you can reach or even surpass anyone.)

~RT