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PIRATEJOKES (Brandon)

darkmystycfyre Apr 25th, 2019 (edited) 108 Never
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  1. What do you call a pirate that skips class?  Captain Hooky!
  2. How did Captain Hook died?  Multiple stabbings. He got a bad case of an itchy rash.
  3. Why is pirating so addictive?  They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!
  4. How do pirates know that they are pirates?  They think so, therefore they arrr.
  5. Why did the pirate go to college?  To become an arrrrchitect!
  6. How do pirates communicate with each other?  With an Aye phone.
  7. What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?  He got marooned.
  8. What is regularly given to the sea around 8 am, if the digestion is right?  The captain’s log.
  9. What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?  A bird that will talk your head off.
  10. How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheaply?  He bought it on sail.
  11. Why don’t the Chinese make very good pirates?  Because they’re not very strong in the ‘Arrrr!’ department.
  12. What’s the difference between a pirate and a strawberry farmer?  The pirate buries his treasure, the farmer treasures his berries.
  13. What has 6 legs, 6 arms and 6 eyes?  6 pirates.
  14. Who was the first pirate?  Noah, the builder of the Arrrrk.
  15. What does the pirate say when he steps on a Lego?  Arrrrrrgh!!!
  16. What did the ocean say to the pirate?  Nothing, it just waved.
  17. How did Capitan Hook die?  He got distracted and wiped his butt with the wrong hand.
  18. In case his ship is sunk, every pirate carries a bar of soap with him at all times.  You know, to wash him ashore.
  19. What’s the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate?  One has a rumbling tummy, and the other’s a tumbling rummy.
  20. Why did the pirate cross the road?  To reach the second hand shop.
  21. Dan: I know a pirate with a wooden leg called Joe.  Frank: Really? I wonder what he called his hook.
  22. What does a Dyslexic Pirate Say?  RRRRRRA!
  23. How does a pirate declutter his ship?  By having a yarrrrd sale.
  24. Why are pirates bad at cards?  It’s kind of hard to play when you’re sitting on the deck.
  25. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?  A carrot.
  26. What is pirates’ favorite choice of music?  aRR n’ B.
  27. What kind of a ship is most feared by pirates?  The Steady Relationship.
  28. Why don’t you usually see a pirate that is a smoker?  Because they use the patch.
  29. How does a pirate get to the top of the building?  By elevataaaarrrrr!
  30. Why do pirates make great lawyers?  Because they have very good arrrrguments.
  31. What is a pirate’s favorite letter?  P. because it would be an R, but it’s missing a leg.
  32. Why don’t pirate marriages last much? Because of all the arrrrguments.
  33. Wooden pegs and hooks are really expensive these days.  They cost an arm and a leg.
  34. Why is it so hard for pirates to learn to read?  Because they spend months and months at C.
  35. How can you tell a pirate has fallen for modern technology?  It’s the iPatch that gives it away.
  36. How did the pirate become a boxing champion so fast?  Nobody was ready to take on his right hook.
  37. What happened to the pirate when his wooden leg caught fire?  He got burnt to the ground.
  38. What Did The Pirate Say When His Wooden Leg Got Stuck In The Freezer?  Shiver me timbers!
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