The worst copypasta
AyyLmaoCorp Oct 22nd, 2019 111 Never
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- Having the worst consentual sex is all about the timing. She has to be into you but consent stops as soon as she says no. The key is to go in with low-expectations then fucking smash the floor
- Prepwork: Need to buy something that induces vomitting. Also buy some gas station sushi, let it sit in your car for a few days. Do this after you find a girl who is interested in rubbing genitalia.
- When you find a girl who is interested say you need to make it special and don't have sex on the first date. Specify a time or place in the near future. Ladies love it when you plan.
- Day off the sex, make sure you consume the sushi that has been sitting in your card. Have an eye dropper full of the vomit inducing medicine.
- Announce you have a latex allergy and you forgot to bring your special condoms. Hope raw-dogging is okay.
- Take on a sensitive guy approach, say you haven't had sex with the lights on since your ex died in a tragic light bulb accident. This gives you the sneaky of night time cover.
- Initiate foreplay. Start by kissing her nose. Only her nose. Make out with her nose. Gently breathing up her nose. She will get frustrated and then try to give you head. Bonus points if you got a microdong.
- At this point the gas station sushi has fermented into a boiling hot fetid liquid shit in your lower intestines. Engage in tight butthole until the time develops.
- Backhand compliment her ability to give quality head. Say something along the lines of "Maybe we should just skip foreplay and go straight for the main course." or some variation of a bad dad joke.
- Enter the bedroom. Timing is everything. The lights are off so you can be sneaky. Make sure consent is given and its time for the main show. Take the eye dropper and imbibe the vomit inducer. Go for doggie style but as you aim that tiny little peen straight for Vaghalla you mistake the angle and land squarely on the taint, thus beginning ragnacock. As you ram with lightspeed, let loose the diarrhea dogs of war and expel the demons from your stomach. Bonus: In between retching, announce, "Thanks for the gold kind stranger!"
- As she turns around, cum on her face.
- Run naked out of her apartment/house crying profusely saying you are too embarrassed.
- Acquire your money.
- Call her 1 month later saying you contracted gonorrhea from her and you are suing.
- EDIT: Surprise Buttsex isn't consent. Edited to stay true to the prompt
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