Thread 6: Stories 16-30

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>AJ10
“AJ56”
_______

“Welcome back, AJ10304624! How’d the whole interview thingie work out for- hey… what happened to the camera I made you?”

>You mean the cereal box on a stick?

“Right, the camera!”

>Shining Armor gave me a real one! Look at all these buttons, they look really tasty! Wasn’t that nice of him? I wonder if all the ones I interview will be as generous….

“Mine was better.”

>Yours didn’t have a flash. Or an optical zoom. Or even a lens to zoom with.

“...Well, mine was bigger.”

>I will give you that. Yours was definitely bigger.

“That’s what SHE said!”

>...what?

>I dunno, I heard that in one of Moony’s weird romance movies. It seemed to fit the situation….

>Oh. And by the way, I’m AJ10 now! Shining renamed me!

“GASP! He can’t do that!”

>But he did, literally less than- wait. Did you really just say the word ‘gasp’?

“No? Anyway! You’ll have to get that cleared with bugbutt first!”

*FLASH!*

“MY EYES!”

>And I’m off in pursuit of the best ever interview! And to spy on everyone! Mwahahaha!
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>AJ 12
"AJ 10"
~~~~~~

>Uh, Applejack... whatever, are you okay?

"N-n-noooo."

>I wasn't really asking, I was just hoping you would tell me why you're curled up. On the floor. Rocking back and forth while whimpering and hugging your camera. Nice camera, by the way.

"T-thanks. It was a gift. Shining Armor is a nice pony."

>Name isn't ringing a bell, so I'll take your word for it. So what happened.

"I-I wanted to interview a Changeling."

>Aaaand?

"I asked 77."

>...Oh crap.

"I SEE THEM WHEN I CLOSE MY EEEEEYES!"

>Yeah, that'll happen.
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>AJ12
"77"
'???'

>So here we are, the Crystal Empire.

"Why am I here again?"

>Because Applejack said this place was super nice to Changelings.

"Uh..."

>So I'm betting on being chased by an angry mob and need backup.

"I see. Hey, do you hear a whistling sound?"

>No I-wait, yeah I do, what is that?

"What is tha-HURK!"

A black blur slams into 77 and sends him flying, creating a crater far away as 12 clings to a support beam, a sonic boom occurs.

>What the hell!? 77? 77!?

A figure trots out of the crater, smiling and skipping, she passes 12.

'La la la la la~'

>2...the hell was that?

'Your friend REALLY needed a hug, I could feel it all the way across town! I don't think I've ever hugged a pony that hard before...'

12 runs over to the crater.

>77 are you okay down there!?

"Physically? In utter agony. Emotionally? Pretty good actually."
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>AJ56
"DT"
'SS'
-Applebloom-
~~~~~

>Hey... flatflank?

"What, bug monster?"

>Have you noticed things look a little... weird today?

"No, stupid, I have not."

'I think he's talking about all the ponies huddling around us.'

>Yeah, I normally eat my lunch alone. This is kind of weird.

"Oh, I see. Well, bug monster, let me clear it up for you. This, which is to say all the ponies surrounding us, is what happens when ponies like I, and I'll speak slowly so you understand, aaaare poooopppular. I can see why you, a horrible chitin covered creature spit up from tartarus's backside, would be unfamiliar with the idea."

'I don't think that's why they're doing that.'

"DT, be reasonable with me. Me and you are the prettiest, richest and smartest ponies in this school, why wouldn't they want to be around us?"

>They're closer to me than you.

"Well, we obviously can't let them get TOO close, they're not THAT influential. Unlike Me. And Silver Spoon."

>I think there's another reason.

-There is.-

"Shut it blankflank!"

-No. We're all huddlin' next to ya' because we're afraid o' the demons. Ah' don' wanna be near ya', but iffin' some beast crashed outta the sink or something and ah' had ta pick between ya'll and Sweetie Belle, ah' pick the gal with more weaponry than the airforce an the indestructible but monster-

"Oh please like I would-"

The wall suddenly shattered inward, unleashing a hellish, twisted spawn of what appeared to be a dragon and a spider. Like drawn to the flame, it instantly clamped down on the first body in range.

And promptly shattered it's teeth on 56's carapace.

This would probably have caused it some pain, if the part of the brain that allowed for such wasn't re-situated about ten feet behind the creature in question following a rocket to the head.

As it dropped dead, everyone huddled around the three juuuust a bit closer. But otherwise, lunch continued as normal.

-Ya'll were sayin'?-

"...Shut up."
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>AJ56
“Luna”
-Spike-
________

Luna stood staring daggers at the plateful of cake on her table, eyes narrowed into menacing slits as she paced back and forth in front of it.

“Oh yes… you think us weak! We can see it in your sparkling glaze, oh yes, 'tis all too clear! Thinking we cannot resist the sweet allure of just one bite, that our resistance is but a paper in the breeze! Well… you would be right!”

And without another word, Luna dove, forgoing the provided fork to take a direct bite from the tempting pastry.

“Mmmmngh~ By our own moon, thish ish delishush….”

The sudden crack of her door swinging open nearly caused her to choke as she jumped and whipped around.

“Tis not what it seems! W-we were just-”

>M-moooons….

“AJ… 56…? What is the matter, why do you drag yourself upon the ground so?”

>I… I feel faint… no l-love in days, I--I… help….

“By mine sister’s name, how is this possible? What can we do?!”

>Rump… I n-need love… fuh-from your rump….

“W-what? But… we were under the impression you creatures thrived on emotional love…?”

>Sp-special case. Please… can’t f-feel legs….

AJ56 reached out with a trembling hoof and Luna bit her bottom lip, slowly approaching.

“...alright, fine! J-just this once! What do we do…?”

>Sit on my f-face… that should work…

“You jest with us.”

A couple haggard coughs from AJ56 caused Luna to whirl around, her wobbling orbs hovering over him.

“And you’re sure there’s no other w-”

>None. H-hurry….

“O-okay, just… don’t move or do anything weird.”

>Promise.

*FWUMP*

“…”

>…

“Is… is that enough?”

When she received no answer, Luna stood and glanced over her shoulder to see that AJ56 was quite unconscious, though with a grand smile over his face. It was at that moment that Spike appeared in the doorway, his eyes drifting from the dazed Changeling to Luna who looked confused as she prodded him with a hoof.

“Did we kill him…?”

-Wow… I just lost a bet.-

“...bet? What bet do you speak of?”

-I bet he wouldn’t be able to trick you into sitting on his face. Can’t believe he pulled it off….-

Luna twitched.

“...what?”

-Yeah, his life was never in danger.-

“Oh, we beg to differ, purple one.”
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"Applejack"
>Pinkie
~~~~~~~~~

*The scene is set. A bubbly pink pony bounces down the streets of Canterlot with a cart full of her belongings strapped to her back, singing a merry tune.*

*A certain Orange Princess just happened to also be out and about in Canterlot that day.*

"Pinkie? Pinkie! What're ya doin' in Canterlot?"

>Huh? OH! Hey Applejack! I live here now! Isn't that great?! Y'see, the Cakes got a letter in the mail a few days ago from Princess Celestia asking them to move the bakery to Canterlot so she could get her cakes faster. And with the money they've been making from royal orders lately, they just couldn't refuse.

*Applejacks eyes grew wide, and her pupils shrunk to pinpricks.*

"Ya… Live in Canterlot now? As in, close to the castle?"

>Yup! Isn't it sooooo cool? Now I get to visit you EVERY DAY!

"Yeah… Cool. A-ah gotta git goin' Pinkie. Ah'll see ya later.

>Okie dokie lokie! Bye Applejack!

*With those parting words, Applejack began to make her way slowly back to the castle, all the while her headache increasing at the thought of Pinkie… and her royal duties… Every. Day.*
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>AJ 18
"Cadence"
'SA'
~~~~~

>Cadence.

"18"

>Have fun at the orphanage?

"The little fillies enjoyed it. I made them a skating rink. Out of love magic. Did you file all of my little paper things so I can get more shampoo?"

>Requisition forma are all filed.

"Appreciate it."

>Thank you.

"..."

>....girlwhosaysicansleepwithshinysayswhat?

"Wouldn't know, never met her."

>DAMN! You're getting smarter!

"Right? I'm so proud of myself I went to FOUR different saloons!"

>Never mind.

"WHY YOU!"

*Cadence tackles her, and the two start rolling around pulling each others hair.*

*Shining Armor walks in.*

'...Wait, one of those IS Cadence.'

"Ow! Not my tail! It's sensitive!"

>EEEP! You're the one going after ears! Don't, it tingles!

'...I-I am so confused. This isn't technically ruining a fantasy, but it's still not...'

>WHOA! Watch where you put that crown! Sensitive!'

"I'LL SHOW YOU SENSA-...Shiny?"

>What're you... hey, he okay?

"I... I don't know! He's just, just frozen! Shiny! Shiny wake up!"

'Error. Not found. Please come back later.'

"Oh, okay."

*Cadence leaves.*

>...Is there smoke coming out of your ears?

'No, that's a turkey.'

>...M'kay then.

*She leaves too.*

'...AH HAH! It IS Sexy-Awwww... crud.'
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>AJ 10
"Cheerilee"
~~~~~~

>Thanks for seeing me misses Cherry lee!

"It's Cheerilee, sweetie. And I'm always happy to talk about my students!"

>Cool! Like that one up in the corner?

"...Uh, no, let's not talk about him. He's... sleeping."

>Oh, okay. Can we talk about the cool art project on the ceiling?

"No no, let's not talk about that. It's, uh, it's in progress. Don't want to step on any hooftips by showing it too early."

>What about the bubbling thing on your desk.

"...Brought it from home! And, well, I don't want to make this about my personal life, it's all about the students!"

>Oh, okay. Is that a student?

Cheerilee turns around, noticing that her chalkboard has shifted until it has become a pane of glass. On the other side, standing among a hellish landscape, is a skinless pony, smiling happily thanks to the hooks holding his cheeks apart.

"... it is not."

>Too bad, he seems nice.

"I'm sure he is."

The pony suddenly pulled out a giant hammer, and arched backwards.

"... WELL LOOKS LIKE WE'RE OUT OF TIME! THANK YOU FOR COMING!"

>But I didn't ask any questions about-

Before she could finish her sentence, she was out in the hallway, and the door was slammed shut.

Funny, she could have SWORN she just heard glass breaking, followed by a hail of gunshots, but it was probably all in her mind.

Yeah, she'll go with that.
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>AJ
"Celestia"
~~~~
>Celestia, I'm gonna have to be straight with you on this one....

"Wow applejack, that's a curveball coming from you. The Element of Honesty, being honest. Next you'll tell me the sun is round."

>Har har, but i think you've jumped the gun on this one princess, I was gonna congratulate ya!

"And i suppose it's my fault ag- wha?"

>Movin' pinkie to canterlot was a fantastic idea! The amount we're saving in shipping alone is enough to extend the cake budget by a whole 10%.

"Well for once, I'm glad my brilliance is able to come to light."

>Don't go pushin' it, there's still the issue of where you moved her

"What, the new castle quarter? It's all brand new buildings, what could possibly be wrong with it?"

>Don't ya'll remember why there's all new town being built where we used to have a VIP lodging wing?

"...The neighbouring countries gave up visiting us because of the endless stream of newly surfacing problems?"

>A good guess, but no. It's because that whole wing got demolished by a certain blimp-sized fashionista princess!

"Oh please, cadence is as thin as a rake!"

>Ah meant rarity.

"...Oh."

>And , we never did find a way to move her royal hugeness out of the courtyard either.

"I'm not seeing what this has to do with pinkie..."

>ya'll went and put the primary producer of royal confectionery next to an endless maw rivaling even luna's crazy appetite. We'll be out of cake in a week, maybe less, unless you think of a way to guarantee those cakes get past rarity.

"...You know, i think I know just the ponies for the job."

~~~~
>Pinkie
"???"
~~~~
>You absotively posilutely sure you can get these cakes past big ol' rarity?

"Of course! There is no way such a foul she-devil could be allowed to defile the sustenance of the holy sun-bringer celestia (praise be upon her)"

>Okey dokey lokey! Good luck with the deliver, Ally-Kally

"I have told you, pink pie, it is Al-kalim!"
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>Applejack
“Celestia”
‘Luna’
-Chrysalis-
[Cadance]
{Twilight}
~~~~~~

>Alright, new business is now-

*Pap!*

>...Chrysalis, would ya' please stop throwin' the paper airplan-

*Pap!*

>This is serious-

*Pap!*

>AH' WILL WEAR YOU LIKE A DRESS!

-Hah! Pay up, fillies!-

"Damn! You couldn't hold out for two more planes?"

'T'was a fools bet, sister!'

{But the odds! My calculations couldn't have been wrong!}

[Shoot!]

-Hah! Next time I need to bet for a night with Shiny.-

'Ugh! But what if someone beside you wishes to participate? Thou cannot believe any but thyself would take part... and perhaps Twilight.'

-BURN!-

{I never have any idea what you guys are talking about, and it bothers me.}

"It shouldn't. Those two have absolutely no room to talk in that area."

-Pfft, like you ever get any--

"Imagine if you will, an explosive. An explosive so powerful, so immensely strong, so unspeakably hot, that it could reduce a diamond the size of my head into dust. Imagine it, gathering slowly, building and building, starting as just a gentle warmth, before evolving, changing, twisting from it's original bright flame into a hellish nightmare of fire, perverting what was once beautiful like a match turning into a raging forest fire. Imagine it! Oh, and as you sit there, bubbling in the woe and horror of the sight in your minds eye, picture it, don't shy away! Picture it letting out it's all powerful eruption, it's abhorrent and terrifying wrath, all of that IN YOUR LAP! See this in the world within your puny skull, imagine the pain and horror, and THEN SAY THAT AGAIN!"

-....I-I'm good.-

'We have suddenly decided we have nothing left to say.'

[MY MIND! IT BUUURNS!]

{I am so confused.}

>...Please never do that again.

"Very well. I believe you had an agenda?"

>No, you know what?

She tosses the papers into the air, and walks away.

It's not long before everyone but the smug Princess Celestia join her.
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>Pinkie Pie
"Joe"
~~~~~
One day, Pinkie Pie was skipping merrily through Canterlot to make a non-royal delivery when suddenly...

"Well, well, well... So tha Cakes have moved ta Canterlot."

Pinkie whirls around to come muzzle to muzzle with none other than DOUGHNUT JOE

>GAAAAASP!

"Did you jus' SAY 'gasp'?"

>No, I said 'GAAAAASP!'

"Oh, alrigh' then."

>So... We meet again, don't we?

"Fer tha last time. There's only room fer one confectionary shop in this major, cosmopolitan capital wit' a population in tha millions. An' it's gonna be MY shop!"

>Oh, yeah? Well it's me, Mr. and Mrs. Cake, and the twins are already learning the ins and outs of baking! Pound made his first Play-Doh Doughnut just last week and Carrot's been making nut logs since she was born! Meanwhile, there's just one of you...

Joe smiles.

"You'd like to think that."

Snapping his hooves (somehow) two shadowy figures step out from behind him revealing MULIA MILD and GUSTAVE LE GRANDE!

"Seems tha one outnumbered 'ere right now is you."

Pinkie backs up and finally begins to flee.

>YOU WIN THIS ROUND! BUT THEW CAKES GANG IS GONNA RULE CANTERLOT! WE ALREADY HAVE CUSTOMERS IN HIGH PLACES!

"All tha political connections in connections in Equestria ain' gonna save you! C'mon, gang, let's beat hooves, paws', an' talons back ta tha shop. We gotta get them new crystal sugar sprinkles on the streets fer that customer samples on Sunday!"
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>Applejack
“Celestia”
_______

>Wanna see something funny, Tia?

“How can you lie so easily? You know damn well this won't be funny, and probably make me want to dive out the window.

>Depends on how ya look at it.

“Can I at least…? Before you start?”

>Go ahead.

Celestia unlatched her window and pushed it open.

“Alright. Primed and ready. Continue.”

>Remember how not too long ago ya told me not to worry about y'all goin’ over the cake budget?

“Yeeees, I do.”

>Do ya now? Good, good. And so Ah guess that means ya also remember me question' how the budget stayed the same while ya got yer' hooves on even more cake, right?

“It… sorta rings a bell.”

>Great. And when Ah asked how that was possible, what did ya'll tell me?

“That it was all in your imagination?”

>Correct! Ten fer’ ten, Tia.

“Really? Well, alright then, yay for me! So we’re done now?”

>Not yet. There’s just one more thing Ah’d like ya to see.

“Of course there is….”

Applejack rustles around on the table before lifting a glossy photo.

>This is what Ah’d like to call Exhibit A. If ya can, kindly explain to me why this is showin’ you, Tia, handin’ over some of Twilight’s experimental weaponry to ponies from Saddle Arabia in exchange fer bits.

“...I plead the fifth.”

>Overruled.

“You can’t-”

>Just did.

“H-how did you even get-”

>Courtesy of AJ10, our resident photographer. She thought y’all might be in some sort of trouble and came to me… but we both know what really happened. Yer gluttony fer’ cake drove you to commit an act of treason. Against yerself, basically.

“…”

>Now would be the time to jump out the window, Tia.

And so Celestia did, only to get wedged by her hips, which had grown thanks to her massive intake of sweets.

“I’m- ungh! I'm stuck….”

>Good.

“Could I possibly ask you for help?”

>Help? Hawh. Ah’m about to go get 56. He’s gonna have a field day with y’all caught like that.

“Damn Changelings….”

>Yer fault.

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>SA
"AJ2"
'Cadence'
~~~~~~

>...Three... Two... One...

*BLAM!*

"SHINY IT'S SNOWING!"

>It's always snowing, Two.

"YEAH BUT THIS IS THE SPECIAL SNOW!"

>Is that so?

"YEAH!"

>You want to go play?

"UH HUH!"

>Got your mitts?

"WEARIN' EM!"

>Coat?

"SNUGGIE!"

>Hat?

"PROTECTIN' MY BRAIN!"

>Well then....

*Poof*

>SNOWBALL FIGHT!

"No fair, you got a head start!"

>All is fair in love and war, Two!...except that no no nononowait!

[GRAAAAAAAH!]

*SHOOM!*

>Freakin' smoke monster! Entire snowbanks are off limi-...uhhh, Two that's too much.

"The avalanche?"

>The avalanche."

"...I'mma do it anyway."

>....I regret nothing!

*BOOM!*
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>DT
"AJ10"
'SS'
~~~~~
>Alright, 'Applejack Ten', if you monsters HAVE names!

"We normally go by numbers, but my full name's Applejack 10304889!"

>... I'm not even going to try to remember all that. You're going to tell me everything I want to know about you freaks!

"That's not how this works! I'm supposed to interview you!"

>Huh?

"I wanted to write a column about local, Ponyville children so I thought I'd start with you! So, tell me, what does your cutiemark mean to you?"

An hour of vanity appeal later and some photos

'So... how'd the interrogation go?'

>It went great! It's gonna print in tomorrow's paper!

'Wait, what? weren't you interrogating other changelings to find a weakness?'

"... Crap."

The next day, the first ever Changeling newspaper was published with only one article/column called "Confessions of a filly Drama Queen."
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>Celestia
"AJ"
~~~~~~

>...Applejack.

"Celestia! Got a question for ya."

>What is it this time? "How could you have let this go so wrong?" "How can you spend so much on cakes?" "Why do you suck so much, Princess?"

"Nah, Ah'll save those fer' another day. Jus' wanna know which of these ya' wanted first."

>Hm?

She finally brings herself to turn around, looking at the two envelopes that Applejack is holding up.

"First one's the current report on how well we're doin' compared ta' the Empire. Second is... ah' don't know, actually. Shinin' Armor sent it, but ah' don't know what it's about. Side project o' yours?"

>...Y-yes. Give me the second one, please.

Her tone is a little worrying, but she hands it over anyway. Celestia turns her back on the other princess, and opens the envelope.

Applejack can't see the paper, but she knows somethings not right when Celestia goes ridged.

"Ya'll alright?"

>F-fine!

"Ya' sure?"

>Y...Yes, Applejack, I am perfectly alright.

"Okay... ya' want the other one now?"

>No.

"No?"

>Burn it.

"...Come again?"

>Go throw it in the fire. I don't care about it. It's useless to me.

"...Alright."

She leaves, and after she is out of hearing range, Celestia finally allows herself to sit down, and read the note out loud, just to hear it again.

>'You're doing a good job, and thank you for being our Princess. We couldn't do it without you.'

She takes a long, deep breath.

>I'm not going to cry. You can't make me cry... Damn it.

Even as she curses herself, she's still smiling.
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