Thread 2: Stories 61-75

_______________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
"Shining"
'Twilight'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What kind of Buffalo shit is this!?"

>Nice ta' see you too, Shiny! How's the wife?

"Traumatized. I went to go see her and she was still carrying around the dummy. She went through one of those "Who do I shoot!?" moments for a little bit before shooting the doll. She said her love showed her the real me. I didn't have it in her to point out that the other Shining Armor couldn't talk and, in fact, was a stuffed toy that had red hair."

>...Interestin'.

"But back to my real problem, what the hell is this!?"

>What? Looks like a normal form to me.

"It's denying me access to the royal stipend!"

>What's yer' point?

"PRINCE! OF! THE! EMPIRE!"

>Oh right, forgot about that. What do ya' want me ta' do about it?

"Well, seeing as YOU are the one who signed this, I was hoping that maybe, just maybe, you would get over whatever kick you're on right now about seeing me suffer and rescind that!"

>Mmmmm, nope! Yer' gonna have ta' ask yer' wife!

"......Oh dear, that's my limit."

>Oh please, what're ya gonna-

~~~~~~~~~One fight scene later~~~~~~~~

On the positive side, you should both be walking again in no time! The spinal injuries are minor, and thankfully you both tested negative for rabies! Everything's okay now.

>When Ah' get out of this cast, Ah'm gonna shove a boulder right up yer' princely backside.

"When I get out of this sling, I'm going to make you eat that hat. After I've dipped it in sulfuric acid."

Oh, you two! But next time you play fight, you really should be more careful. You almost knocked over that statue in the square!

>Ah will eat yer' soul.

"I would threaten the same, but you clearly don't have one to give."

>Ah said soul, not balls.

"Hate."

Oh you guys!

_______________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
"Shining"
'Luna'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>....Yer wife still mournin' the doll?

"She said their time together was very special to her, and she wanted a proper send-off."

>Y'know Ah' was jus' tryin' ta get her ta' notice you, right?

"....No, I didn't."

>Yeah, guess Ah' was being pretty vague.

"I appreciate it."

>Really?

"Yes. Thank you."

>Ya' know Celestia's jus' enjoying watchin' you get beat by Applejack 42, right?

"Yes. I do. Which is why I'm not using magic. Let her enjoy it. Let her laugh. She was never going to actually honor the bet, but maybe at least Cadence will notice eventually?"

>Erm....

"Let me dream."

'No!'

>Dang it Luna!

'His scream is funny!'

>AH' WILL SICK TWILIGHT ON YOU!

'...I'll be good!'
_______________________________________________________________________________________

>"So, where's Chryssy?"

"She's in the ballroom, as usual."

>"Thanks Celly."

AppleJack makes her way past an AppleJack changeling that is in the room for some reason, going through the castle until she reaches the now overtaken ballroom.

>"Hey, Chrysalis?"

'What?'

>"Y'seen 42?"

'Yes.'

>"...Gonna tell me where he is?"

'No.'

>"...Why not?"

'He wants to be alone.'

>"Well, where is he? Ah'll wait fer him."

Chrysalis sighs and points in the direction of the toilets just beyond the ballroom. 'In there. Do wait for him to come out though.'

AppleJack moves out the room toward the lavatories, leaning against the wall where the entry to the toilets resides. She knocks a hoof on the door after waiting for at least half an hour.

>"Hey, 42? Ya in there, sugar?"

A fumbled sound is heard.

_Wait a minute! I'll be out!_

AppleJack raises an eyebrow. What's all that noise going on?

>"Y'alright in there?"

_I'm fine! ~Crash~ Oh Buck... I'm alright, please wait!_

>"Ya don't sound fine. Ah'm coming in!"

_No!! Wait!!_

A distinct panicking sound is heard as AppleJack opens the door. 42 really does sound like he needs some help... When she opens the door and enters, she's met with the most peculiar sight.

A changeling stands there, but not in a morphed form.The changeling is lithe, and as before, 42 had given himself blond hair, but it was longer, more shaped. And he had very voluptuous eyelashes. A smaller horn, smaller ears, a slight larger tail and wings.

AppleJack could of sworn...

>"42, are ya a girl?"

42 looks ashamed. Turning away from AppleJack. AppleJack isn't disgusted whatsoever, simply curious.

_There's a reason I present myself as a male..._

>"Ah'm not judging ya, sugarcube. Ah'm listenin'. Honest truth."

_There's only allowed to be one female changeling. The Queen is that changeling. All others are killed until she decided to have a daughter to take her place when she dies._ A tear rolls down her face. _Please don't tell my Queen. I'll be put to death._

AppleJack smiles reassuringly. Moving over to comfort the distraught changeling that's starting to sniffle.

>"Well you don't gotta worry none. This here aint th' changeling lair... place, ya lived in. This here is our princesses home. Ya under our protection, see?"

That sobers 42 up a bit.

_Really...? I don't think it will matter to my Queen._

>"Oh it will sugar. If she tries anything, I'm gonna go Moose Lee on her arse."

_Who's Moose Lee?_

>"Never ya mind that jus' now. Say, what was that crash ah heard?"

42 glances behind her at the mess on the floor.

_Oh, it was pheromones from male changelings. Without it... My kind would tell I'm not male..._

>"Ah see, well, like ah said, yer under our protection. Now lets go out there, huh?"

_O...okay..._

_______________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack two, or whatever your number is now, so nice of you to visit me again. How are you?

"SHHHH!"

>Alright. Can I get anything for you? A photo album? Maybe a childhood toy of some sort?

"SSHHHHHHH!"

>Alright, you skulking in my room is one thing, but you shushing me is a bit too much. What's the deal?

"I'm hiding!"

>Mind. Blown.

"No, seriously! I think I made Chrysalis mad!"

>And you decided to hide with me.

"I like you!"

>...Heartwarming. What'd you do to make her mad?

"Well... I MIGHT have insinuated that your wife was hotter than her."

>Awkward for so many reasons.

"Aaand... that maybe it wasn't YOU that was bad in bed?"

>I'm torn between questioning your social skills and wondering how the conversation could have even reached that point of interest, go on?

"That's pretty much it, so I'm hiding until I can slip back into a crowd. She can't tell us apart."

>At the risk of sounding racist, this is actually a common problem, I think.

"Soooo.... wanna prove me right?"

>Nope.

"Wow, most guys start with 'are you a girl?'"

>Yeah, because obviously males carry around a can of spray on pheromones. You've discovered our secret, you master of espionage you.

"Espiwhatnow?"

>Sorry, happily marr... well, I'm married at least.

"She cheated on you with a doll."

>You know what? I'll find it in my heart to forgive her for that one.

"Damn... can I still hang out here? Please? She'll eat me."

>Fine. Just sit in the corner or something.

"Yay! I don't know why everyone calls you useless, you're nice."

>It's a mystery to us all.
_______________________________________________________________________________________

>TWILIGHT! TWILIGHTTWILIGHTWILIGHT-

*Smack!*

"Get a hold of yourself, Cadence! Now, calmly and quickly tell me exactly what you set on fire."

>It's not that!

"Tell me what you broke."

>Not that!

"Money you took?"

>NO! Well, yes, but not that!

"Oh dear Celestia it finally happened. Okay, just be calm, I'll go get the lye and get the bathtub ready, I just need you to get the body upstairs as quickly and as quietly as possible-"

>What!? No! Not that! I think Shining Armor is cheating on me!

".....Pfffffftthahahahaha!"

>Stop laughing, this is serious!

"C-can't breath! I CAN'T BREATH!"

>His with a Changeling in our room right now!

"O-OH GOD! AHAHAHAHAHSS-STOOOP! MAKE IT STO-AHAHAHAHA"

>I knew that imposter would come between.... Twilight? OH FUCK! TWILIGHT! BREATH! BREATH GIRL!

"GLlllkhahallk!"

>O-okay, okay! Call Applejack, she'll fix eeeverything! And then I can get back to... what was I asking her again? Shoot, I just lost it. Something about Changelings?

"GLLK!"

>Right, shit! TWILIGHT!
_______________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
"Shiny"
'AJ2'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>SHINY!

"My name is Shining Armor. Seriously, two words, is this so hard to remember? It's cute when Twilight does it, but everyone else-"

>Shut yer' cake hole and listen!

"I don't even eat cake."

>Applejack is missin'!

"Look deep within yourself, and I think you'll find that the Applejack... was inside you all along."

>.........

*SMACK!*

"Worth it!"

>Ah' meant Applejack number, er, either two or sixty five, or maybe ten? Ah' don't know. The Changeling one!

"No kidding. She dangerous?"

>No! He's as dumb as a sack O' rocks and twice as thick, Ah'm worried about him settin' somethin' on fire!

"Harsh."

>Will ya' jus' help me before he burns yer' whole empire to the ground?

"Sorry, can't. Real busy."

>ARRRGH! You are so useless!" *leaves, slamming the door behind her.*

'...Did she seriously not see me in here?'

"You are pretty far in the corner."

'I know but... that kind of stung'

"Oh, I'm sure she's just stressed and didn't mean it."

'Mmm.'

"You want to play candyland again?"

'....Mhmm.'

"C'mon, you can be the green one."

'Uhwanna be blue. I like blue.'

"Okay, you can be blue. But we're going to have to skip over some of this, Pinkie ate some of the game pieces. Tried to tell her they weren't real..."

'Mkay. Should we tell Applejack I'm here?'

"You know what? Let's give her a bit. More time to play."

'Yay!'
_______________________________________________________________________________________

>Celestia, a word please?

“Why must you go against your element and lie so blatantly, Applejack? You know it’s more than a mere ‘word’ you wish to say. It’s more likely a collection of words that will once again leave me looking down an empty cider bottle wondering where I went wrong in life….”

>Prob’ly around the time y’all made me an Alicorn princess.

“Yes. There seems right about where things went belly-up.”

>Well, that’s yer fault, ain’t it? Anyway, we’re gonna need an increase of the castle’s culinary expenses, mostly in the way of dolled out pay and shortage of supplies.

“What? Why?!”

>Calm yer flanks, Celly, the cake’s fine. We jus’ had to hire more hooves to deal with the increased food demand at the castle. Vis-à-vis, Chrysalis and her bumblin’ Changelings. Also, because of this, we all might be short a few cakes this month—

“Oh no we won't, not when I banish every single wretched Changeling hide in my castle to the moon."

> —unless we pull some funds from Cadance?

“Are you actually asking if it’s okay to take monetary compensation away from an empire that’s barely off the ground? Are you mad, Applejack? Do it.”

>Y’all can be pretty damn scary when yer’ cake’s in danger, Ah see this now. Movin’ on, in order to keep a monopoly on the Changelings we need t’keep ‘em here and we need t’keep ‘em fed. And that takes love.

“Newsflash! A race of pony that thrive on love need to eat love! Good find, dear, do go on.”

>See if y’all crack jokes after this. We’ve had approximately twelve cooks fall out near death due to love exhaustion, as in, pourin’ all their love into the Changeling food, and that builds up in hospital bills. Bills that might take a chunk out of yer precious cake funds.

“…”

>Yeah, that’s Ah thought. Now! Mah plan is to have Cadance come over here every so often for about a week to help the cooks out. She’s the love princess, she has a near infinite pool of love to give. And the Changelings can eat that. It’ll save pony hours, trips to the hospital, and all’a that will ensure Ah don’t have to dip into nopony’s cake stash. Sound good?

“Everything except the part about being in close proximity with Cadance. And for consecutive days at that.”

>It’s a sacrifice we’re all gonna have to make. Or the cakes suffer.

“What about Chrysalis? She did sort’ve… you know, seal her away, masquerade as her, wreck mayhem, and steal her husband.”

>And rutted ‘em, too, apparently.

“Yeah, that too. That’s going to sting.”

>Well, we’ll deal with it how it comes, Celly.

“For cake.”

>Fer cake.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

>Princess Celestia? Ah' have a question.

"Ah hah! But you see, I've devised a way out of this, DEAR APPLEJACK!"

>...Is that the rocket?

"Not just any rocket, you living regret in pony form! It's the rocket I will use to- wait, did you say "THE" rocket? As in, there was another one?"

>Yep. There's the one you ordered and spent way too much of our budget on ta' make sure it's totally safe, and then there's the one yer' currently sitting on, which is actually a firework Prince Blueblood ordered for his birthday party. Jus' wanted ya' ta know about the mixup.

".....Drat."

>Enjoy yer' trip, highness.
_______________________________________________________________________________________

>Shining
"AJ2"
'AJ42'
~~~~~~~
"Go fish!"

>We're playing Candyland, AJ

"Oh yeah... How do you play this, again?"

>...

>You know what?

"What?"

>I'm gonna do it

"Do what, Shinny?"

>I-wait, why are YOU calling me Shinny, now?

"I thought that was your name..."

>Anyway, I'm going to beat fourty-two today!

"How?"

>Magic

>Changlings can't use magic, right?

"Well-"

Shining teleports to fourty-two, leaving AJ2 to her own mindings

"Oooh! A candy cane!"

Shining takes in his area, and notices he's in the lunchroom. A blond changling sits at the first table, eating a sandwhich.

>Wait.. YOU'RE A GIRL?!

Shining makes the changling known as fourty-two jump in her seat.

'You like to make others choke, Sherclop?'

>No...

'What do you want?'

>I'm going TAKE YOU DOWN!

'You sure?'

>Most defintely!

Shining transports to behind fourty-two--aaaand he's down

'That was predicable.'

Fourty-two gets up and leaves, leaving the the unconscious white stallion on the floor, again. She had socked him in the face as soon as he was behind her
_______________________________________________________________________________________

>Shining
"Cadence"
'AJ2'

~~~~~~~~~~~
'Yay! Boardtrot is mine!'

>Hey, way to go. Lucky roll.

'Pfft, all skill, baby! Soon, all of the board shall be mine! MWAHAHAHAHA!'

>Whatever you say, Applejack 2.

With the thunder of a thousand angry love letters, the door flies off it's hinges. Amidst the wreckage, Cadence dramatically leaps forward.

"NOOOOOOOOO!"

And then lands about a foot away from the door, and about ten from the bed Shining Armor and Applejack 2 are sitting on.

>....Honey, are you okay?

"Shining Armor! My love, my one true stallion of my heart! I am so sorry!"

>...M'kay, gonna see where this goes.

"That imposter may have deceived me, but know that it was you, YOU, who I hold in my heart of hearts! You who I love! Please, do not stray for me for that transgression! Come back to me, please!

'Is... is she talking about me?'

>Cadence, are you under the impression we're doing something uncouth?

"Are you not?"

>Not unless you have a particular attachment to this monopony game.

"...Oh. Well, this is embarrassing. I had this whole speech cooked up and everything."

>Besides that speech you used, you mean?

"Oh no, that was the lead in. Paragraph one of, like, twenty."

'...Damn, you had time to write all that, and still thought we were doing stuff?'

"I may have gotten distracted writing it."

>I'll say. So... now what?

"Well, we could, you know, do romantic makeup stuff."

>Can't. Applejack 2 is hiding from Chrysalis, and I can't kick her out.

"Really? You know what I'm talking about, right?"

>She's hiding because she told Chrysalis you were hotter than her.

"....So, can I get in on this game?"

'I'm not starting over!'

>There there, of course you want. Here, dear, you can have half my stuff and money.

"Goody!"

'Yeah yeah, I'll still crush you both!'

>Bring it!

"Together, we can win!"

'....So are you seriously not aware that was a giant doll?'

"...Shut up."
_______________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
"Celestia"
'Chrysalis'

~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Howdy Princess, jus' had a quick....

"This is exactly what it looks like."

>Now see, yer' pullin' mah' leg there. Cause what it looks like ta' ME is that yer' currently sittin' on a giant couch an' watchin' some sappy movie while Chrysalis sits next ta' ya' bawlin' her eyes out an' eatin' a tub o' ice cream. That's what Ah' see."

'Screw you, loser! SHE IS NOT UGLY YOU DON'T NEED TO CHANGE HER!'

"It's just a movie, Chrysalis."

'WHY DOES SHE NEED TO CHANGE!? HUH!? MAYBE HE NEEDS TO CHANGE! MAYBE HE'S THE ONE WHO'S BAD IN BED!'

>Ah'm not sure how ta' take this.

"Like I am. Completely detached from it."

'If they were real friends, they wouldn't say you were UGLY!'

>So, about these forms....

"Applejack, two choices. One, deal with it yourself, or two, you trade places with me. Choose."

>....Oh mah stars, look at the time! It's 'buck off' o' clock! Ah best be off!

"My my, how time flies."

'YOU STUPID POPULAR GIRL! YOU'RE DUMB! YOU'RE ALL DUMB!'

"Except when you want it too...."
_______________________________________________________________________________________

>Celestia, can Ah talk to y’all about something real quick?

“Oh but if only I could detach my ears….”

>Oh but if only Ah could go jus’ one measly hour without findin’ something grievously wrong with Equestria’s economy, financial standin’, and sociopolitical endeavors.

“…”

>…

“Touché… but know this! One day you’re going to come to me with a question and I’ll be able to rub a hoof all in your face and proclaim that there exists no problems because I’ve corrected them all.”

>Ah can only hope, but today sure as sugar ain’t that day. Now then, the Queen of the Gryphons… Ah don’t know what was racin’ through her mind when she appointed Gilda to be her liaison but she has and they seek a meetin’. Here in Canterlot. At the castle.

“Oooookay, and? This isn’t necessarily your first time handling this, Applejack.”

>But it will be the first time Ah’m handlin’ it with a species that eats bugs.

“I still don’t get what… Oh. Oh, shit.”

>Gryphons are big on family, and this castle where all of us are is technically our home. They’d consider it an insult if we didn’t invite ‘em into our… home. Where there are bug-ponies. Bug-ponies who’d prob’ly make one helluva snack for a Gryphon.

“I wouldn’t count them out so fast, dear. From what I’ve seen and heard, AJ42 is a prolific fighter in her own right. True, besting Shining isn’t exactly hard but she does so with talent to spare.”

>Ah… y’all know she’s a she…?

“You insult me, Applejack dear. Of course I know, since day one. This is my castle, is it not? I may be slight-hoofed on ergonomic handling but I do pay attention, and apparently a bit better than others. Now, while I doubt Gilda will try anything of the sort, I do believe Applejack 42 should be able to provide a good amount of protection.”

>Hrrrm… y’all wouldn’t be wrong, but… ya know, this is all yer fault, ‘Tia.

“Come again?”

>This meetin’? The one bringin’ this bug-eatin’ predator to our front door? It was supposed to be handled a little over eleven ago! BY YOU! Before the Changelings moved in and even before Ah became an alicorn princess!

“Oh. Well. Yes, I can see that… um, then consider this a good lesson in preparing for the worst!”

>UGH!

*POP!*

“...I see the ancient Apple Family tradition is as strong as ever today.”

>Ah’m gonna go now, before Ah bust my other eye out.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
“Luna”
‘Lunar guard’
_______

>Hey, Luna? Ah got a q-

“If thou have come to further torment us on our posterior, then let the laugh be on thee! For look!”

>Well, no, that’s not what Ah came f- whoa, at least warn a pony ‘fore ya just go pointin’ that thing everywhere!

“Behold! Our rump looks decidedly smaller, does it not?”

>Luna. Ah’ll be apple with ya. Ah’m not lookin’ at that.

“But thou must! Twas thine’s comment that saw us undertake this diet! We need approval of our ways! Thou MUST gander!”

>Not even for the richest harvest in all of Equestria.

*door opens*

‘Princess Luna, my liege, about my change in shift, I….’

“…”

>...

‘...I can see you're busy so I shall take my leave. But know that everyday serving you is a pleasure, Princess.’

*door closes*

“Did… did we just essentially ‘moon’ our subordinate?”

>Ah’d say so, Luna. Ah’d, uh… say so. And by the way his jaw cracked the ground there, Ah’d say the diet ain’t goin’ so well….
_______________________________________________________________________________________

‘Applejack 2’
>Applejack42
______

‘Hey, 42, why do you have that helmet?’

>It’s a shining symbol of my status as a warrior.

‘But… it’s not shining.’

>Shining Armor does not shine either and yet it’s his name.

‘Shiny’s also not made up off what looks like three different helmets thrown together into a badly made one.’

>I cannot say. He certainly fights like he’s three different ponies mashed into a single being. Disjointed movements, terrible form, second-guessing, hesitancy….

‘Hey, yeah, about that! Can’t you go easy on him?’

>Why ever for?

‘To make him happy!’

>His happiness doesn’t matter to me. Only the Queen’s.

‘Well… I care!’

>Then you’d want me to keep beating him.

‘That makes no sense! Why would I? That just makes him almost suicidally sad!’

>But then it’s you who cheers him up, is it not?

‘I...huh?’

>As long as I keep beating him senseless, you get to spend more time with the alabaster failure cheering him up.

‘Ooooh, I never thought about it like that!’

>Because you rarely think.

‘Okay then! Next match, try and break his spine! That’ll make him really sad! Can you do that?’

>And I thought I was vicious.
_______________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
"Chrysalis."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Ya done cryin'?

"I was not crying! I was simply... too caught up in the wonderful acting."

>Oh yeah, cause those cheesy romance movie are jus' known all 'round for their wonderful performances.

"Not that talking with isn't just *wonderful*, but what did you need?"

>Jus' wanted ta' tell ya' that Applejack 42 won his fiftieth time today. Though ya' might be happy about that.

"Forty two... forty two.... not ringing a bell. Which one is that?"

>...The one with the helmet.

"Oh, we put the helmet on one of them? Great!"

>Ya' watched 'er fight, like, a dozen crazy monsters.

"Oh! You meant Money-Changeling! Why didn't you say so? That's clearer-wait a damn minute!"

>What?

"You've been doing more fighting and you didn't invite me!? I COULD BE MAKING MONEY NOW! Who is he fighting!?"

>We ain't takin' bets, it's jus' Shining Armor ramming headfirst inta' the thing like he had a deathwish and hated walls.

"Oh. Okay then."

>Don't ya' wanna watch him humiliate himself?

"Nah. That actually sounds pretty boring. If Money-Changeling ever gets back into the for-profit section, give me a call."

>Uh, sure.

"Now, to burn through the rest of theses...*leaves with stack of movies in tow."

>....I'mma keep this from 42, Ah' think.
_______________________________________________________________________________________