the queen

The world is burning around me. I can see it in everyone's faces, most of all his. I wish I could say that I didn't care, blow it off like I've blown off just about everything else in my life. But I'm afraid. Most of the scars have faded away by now, but there's still a black mark on my face that hasn't quite gone away.  It's reminded me of the truth of my condition. For a while... it meant strength, a resistance against that which had once made me so weak and vulnerable. I didn't have to watch my back every time I walked down the street. It was power. But power brings those who want to steal it, doesn't it? And we are, all of us, wolves. Scavengers. Not to be trusted.

He was right. How fragile everything is... it's more clear now than ever. All of us, every one of our kind hangs from such a thin thread, at the mercy of constant struggle, both inside and out. We hold onto our best and try to stave off the worst. But we can only do so for so long. It was so much easier to not think of these things, to bask in power and influence and socialization. But now that trouble has come, it is the both of us that face the danger. The first targets.

I am afraid. There is no point in lying about that. But I won't hide. I see him, on the verge of breakdown and I feel ever more determined to help. He may have fought and gained his power, but he hasn't /survived/ as I have. I imagine very few have. I am very well aware of my own strength. And though it may lead me to be to become harmed in worse ways than this, I will continue my work. For him.

It's so stupid, isn't it? I never thought it would be this way. I remember a time that I fucking hated him. I tricked him, scared him so badly he didn't leave his haven for days, nearly starved himself into torpor. I still don't quite understand how it happened. He got me back, but at the same time, there is something... real about what I'm feeling. Is it still true love if it was influenced by some outside force? Heh. Suppose it doesn't matter all that much. I know he feels the same about me. Throwing himself straight into the lion's den just to ensure that I would survive... I wasn't even there for that, you know. That was a decision he made on his own, bond or not.

I know he loves his chess metaphors. And if I have to be the piece that moves the most, in every direction and yet stays so vulnerable, who puts herself in the line of fire for the greater good, so be it. I'll put on my smile and keep fighting, keep pushing forward. And if he burns, then I'll follow him into the flames.