Explaining Everything

Over the past year and a half, this game has affected me in so many ways, both positively and negatively.  It was mostly something I could go to, a game I could play to relieve stress, like most games are meant to do, as games are supposed to be fun, right?  Eventually, around September/October of last year, I began to become extremely stressed out from school and my family.  Geometry Dash was the only thing I could get away to.  Kinda my only confidence in a way.  However, I always compared myself to others, as I was never satisfied with myself.  The point of the matter is:

I hacked on and off on my main account (at the time) YGYoshI.

I started with New Down Bass, proceeding to hack Future Circles, Galaxy Breaker, Wolfstep, Quest for Perfection, Bloodbath 99% (As my sole purpose began to deceive others into attention, as I thought that it would help me escape reality, kinda like what some people use drugs for), A Bizarre Phantasm, Infernal Abyss 88,86, and 100%, and Allegiance.  Then, I met a friend named David.  Everyone probably knows him as "David Priss".  Sooner or later, he was able to replace the need to hack levels for fame.  He was able to distract me from my habit of lying to a large group of people, and I am still thankful for that to this day, although we are not friends anymore.

I eventually started to play legit again.  This was when I started to work on "Mujigae", YGYoshI's most well known level to this day for some reason.  Around this time, I beat invisible M A N I X.  I was really proud of myself as I didn't have to hack to beat it, although I did have thoughts of hacking it and tried at one point, however the audio cues weren't the same and I didn't want to relearn them.  I then got 87% twice on Unnerfed Paracosm Circles which really pulled something on the inside of me, perhaps a nerve?  I felt really ashamed in myself that I couldn't complete something, and obsessed over it too much.  Then, I spent some time reconsidering what I wanted people to see in me as a GD player.  Do I want people to see me as someone who can beat a certain level multiple times?  Or just a typical 144hz player who can fly straight?  I realized that if I wanted to be known, I had to do something different.  Different from the majority of other players.  I began to work on timing levels.  I was able to get 64% on The Hell Zone, but this time, I fell into stress.  I didn't hack it right off the bat, I gave it my best shot.  However, my jealousy and lust for completion and attention took over, and I eventually gave into the stress of hacking it.  I was happy that I didn't have to play it anymore, but at the same time, I was deeply ashamed of myself.  I became more and more isolated as I had to keep this secret to myself.  I learned how to bottle up everything, which is never good to do.  Then I began working on my 2nd level called Chuwi.  This level was an attempt at a different style, however it didn't turn out to be that original.  Both Mujigae and Chuwi were worked on very late at night, as I was not able to work on school during the night time, however at that point, my sleeping schedule was completely turned around.  Eventually afterwards, I saw a oppourtunity for fame.  In a video, EVW said he would shout out the first person who completed a certain challenge level, namely EVW Challenge by naiDe.  I quickly started trying it, however I was not able to do it myself, so again, I fell into the stress of hacking it and got a shoutout, which made me feel extremely guilty.  I realized that what I was doing was wrong, however I couldn't help myself at that point because at that point, I was unable to share my true emotions with anyone.  Then, I began to become a bit closer with someone named Diamond.  Everyone knows him as one of the best players in that game.  However, my habit of bottling emotions kept me from socializing with someone that I trusted, in real life.  I knew at that point, I needed help, but again, I couldn't get the help I needed from anyone.  We beat Duelo Maestro together and that was that.  I then shouted out my friend Chris (SirHc), with the full knowledge that he hacked.  Even he didn't know that I was a hacker at that time.  I eventually wanted to start playing legit again, as I grew some motivation to redeem myself in a way.  I rebeat Wolfstep, and I also beat AlphA, twice. I then began working on my ultimate goal at the time, which was to become the best timing player.  Hatred was verified.  I began working on it, and got 61%.  Then I got 72%, and 74% (on stream).  The entire time on that stream afterwards, Gulli joined and began to mock my inability to be consistant.  This sparked another nerve in me, as I was being mocked.  Kinda like how my parents and people at my public school did to me.  It made me feel as if all of my efforts to escape reality were useless as they all came back to me at that time.  I again, fell into the stress of hacking it.  This made me feel horrible on the inside.  My hardest levels beaten at the time were hacked.  I ignored it though.  Then I decided to stream Unnerfed Planet Circles later on.  I wanted to make sure people thought I was legit.  I didn't want it to get even worse for me.  Then I ended up being a massive hypocrite and exposed SirHc.  He ended up backstabbing me which made me feel horrible.  I didn't want to lose friends, it again made me feel that all of my efforts for decieving people for fame were a complete and total waste.  I twisted the story in the exposal so I wouldn't expose myself.  It was stated that Chris asked me to hack Allegiance, however I hacked it by my own consent, as I lacked the skill at the time to beat it myself.  Then, I was asked by someone to verify a level called TechnoPhobia.  I promised myself that I wouldn't fall into the stress of hacking it this time.  I poured all of my effort into making a part for it.  However, it eventually died off.  Soon after that, I hacked The Hell World.  Again, I fell into the stress of hacking it.  I got 69% x2 and tons of progress on stream, however it was due to a huge confidence loss that I realized that I had to hack it or else I would suffer majorly.  I hacked it in 2 attempts.  I was really happy that I didn't have to play it anymore.  I began to play legit again after that.  I felt as if I accomplished my goal, and people saw me as a different player, which wasn't even what I wanted anymore.  The game affeced me so much that I didn't even like the fame that I had.  Was it worth the way it affected me long term?

I beat Old Lezicuv and a few others and ended my "career" with Niflheim.  Of course I got hate for it as I did with everything during the time.  I realized that the entire time, hacking didn't get me anywhere.  It didn't distract me from reality.  It just brought me way closer than I wanted it to.  I quit shortly after, still keeping it a secret to everyone, including the people I trusted the most.

I still stalked the community a little bit, and I was active in my discord server at the time.  Eventually I met someone named Vinny.  He soon became one of my best friends and one of the people I trusted the most.  Around that time, I made an alt called Featherix.  No one knows about this alt excluding a few people.  I don't even remember why I made it. I completed some levels on 60hz, nothing too special.  My main alt during the time was Kiwi.  It was a joke alt, however I upload tons of unlisted things on it that only a specific group of people knew about.

I eventually confessed my love to Vinny, and I wanted to show him how much he meant to me.  The first level in this video is that.  A old level called "Itsuwari".  Don't want to explain much about it, but it means a lot to both me and Vinny.  About a month later I decided to confess to hacking to that entire group.  It made me feel.. free.  However I wanted to be able to redeem myself.  To this day, I've rebeaten every single level that I hacked legit, except The Hell World, The Hell Zone, New Down Bass, and Infernal Abyss.  I played the game in hibernation, playing other levels like Old Twisted Tranquility, and of course, redeeming myself.  However, this only stressed me out more.  At that point, The only purpose the game served was to stress me out.  It caused so many unnecessary problems in both my relationship and in my life entirely.

One week in July, Vinny had to leave for a week, which left me almost emotionless, as I relied on him as someone to help me with my emotions.  So I poured what I had left into another level meant for him.  The 2nd level in this video is "Welcome Home".  No one knows about either this or Itsuwari because I deleted both of them, however they are back on my account called "C O I N".

However one day in August, I felt the motivation to come back on an alt called Swithi (this alt).  I beat tons of levels, including the hardest level I've beaten, Conical Depression X.  However I soon realized that the game was ruining me.  I shouldn't have came back if I couldn't handle the effect the game put on me.

The main point is, I can't play this game anymore as it affects my health and my relationship.  I don't find enjoyment in playing the game.  I don't find enjoyment in associating myself with the community, despite the few nice people who looked up to me.  I'm sorry if you looked up to me as a player and I let you down by hacking.  I tried my best to redeem myself, however I can't continue living like this.  I want to start eliminating stressful sources in my life, so I can make an effort into improving what I have.  If I keep playing this game, my life is never going to improve.  I hope to leave all of this in the past.  That's why my channel's name is "forget".  I hope everyone will be able to forget about me and move on. Thank you to everyone who likes me or hates me.  I can't promise that I'll ever even look back, as even the thought of this game hurts me.  I felt the need to explain everything so I don't keep thinking back on it.  I just felt that it was necessary to let this all out.