Thread 100: Stories 61-75

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 Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
[Luna]
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter, and I'm lost in my own dreamhouse!
The group climb up a ladder in a tight tunnel.

["'...'"]

>What a fill~

["'...'"]
They keep climbing

>With creamy sweetness inside~

["'...'"]

>What a fill~
>I'm getting a fork for you.
>What a joy to my mouth
>Your taste is surpreeeeme...

>I'd use my knife
>Not for manners, but for youuuu (cake eater)
>And in time...there'll be nothing else~
>Cliiiimbing will eventually lead on to youuuu (cake eater)
>But I'm stillll in this dreeeeam cake eateeeeer
>But I'm stillll in a dreeeeeeam cake eateeeeer~

[For goodness sake, shut up Pinkie! If this tunnel wasn't so small I'd just fly us up.]

"...I liked it."

'...I actually liked it too.'

[...damn tag alongs.]

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>Pommel
"Past Pommel"
~~~

"...Uh-"

>Yes. We're captain now.

"Are you like... me from several years in the future?"

>No. Bout a couple months.

"Then... then how-"

>Do not fucking ask.

"But-"

>Don't. Ask.

"I'm not even back in Canterlot yet, I'm with this really annoying fatass gryphon-"

>Don't ASK!

"..."

>....OH DEAR CELESTIA I'VE ONLY BEEN HERE A MONTH WHY IS IT SO BAAAADDDD!?

"...i wonder if Rat would take me back..."

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>Past Fleetfoot
"Fleetfoot"
~~~~~

"OH FUCK IT'S PAST ME! Listen, LISTEN YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER! A couple months down the line, you're going to do something veeerrrrryyyyyy stupid, DON"T FUCKING DO IT YOU MORON!"

>...Dash? Is that you?

"NO! JUST DON'T DO IT YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH!"

>Changeling? I bet you're a changeling.

"ARE YOU FUCKING LISTENING TO ME RIGHT NOW!? YOUR JOB AND LIFE BURN TO CINDERS!"

>Wannnnkkk... wank wank... don't give a fuck.

"OH DEAR FAUST HOW CAN YOU BE SO ANNOYING AND OBLIVIOUS!?"

>...Hey, you ever feel like you need a 'boost' sometimes?

"....Shit."

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 >Sweet Note
"Past SN"
~~~~

>Oooooh... ohhh dear.

"Oh howdy sugar bean! You lookin' for a good time? Dang ya'll look fancy! Bet'cha you can afford a looottta tricks..."

>It hurts to see this...

"Hey, ya' look kinda familiar. You ever been round here?... HEY! SLIPPY! She look familiar!?"

>Make it stop.

"Ahhh, notta big deal... so, how you feelin' bout a little fun? My rates ain't that high even, but don'tcha be trying ta' skimp, or big Daddy Slicky will mess ya' up!"

>...CHITTYYYYYYY! MAKE WHATEVER IT IS MAKIN' THIS HAPPEN STOP! PUNCH IT PLEASE!

"Whoa, ain't into that... unless-"

>Unless double, I know!

"Oh, so we have met! Huh... think I'd remember someone who looks that fancy..."

>CHITTY HIT IT PLEASE!

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 >Gwen
"Past Gwen"
~~~~

>...it's all downhill from here.

"FUCK!"


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>Vekir
"Past Vekir"

>Everything is Catbirds!

"Hurrah!"

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 >Past 7
"7"
~~~~

>Holy greenspit! What the fuck happened to you-er me!?

"We've finally come to understand."

>I look like a hobo! I'm already homeless, and somehow I found a way to look LESS presentable!

"We are advancing Changeling kind."

>Is the answer you've found bulimia!? Do you throw up love after every meal now!? Did we get our ass kicked or something!?

"Frequently."

>... Oh.

"Yeah, ever since we got shot so many times we now set off metal detectors when we walk by, it's pretty much just been loss after loss after loss against anyone of note, and more time spent in the hospital than most cancer paitents."

>...oh...

"But this is all looking up now! Soon our Queen will thank us, and we shall be worthy of changeling history!"

>Do... do I at least win the contest?

"The what now?"

>The contest. With Jestset? For the hair?

"Oh, right! Forgot all about that!... Huh, I actually won that one a long while ago. Completely forgot!"

>...

"What?"

>At some point my life went horribly astray.

"Hey, I only maybe probably have brain damage from when our buddy Applejack nearly caved in our skull, thank you!"

>...horribly astray...

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 >Pj
"PPJ"
~~~~

>.... Huh.

"We didn't really change much, did we?"

>Nope.

"...wanna fly around and sing Germane inspired rock songs?"

>I really, really do.

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>Arana
"PAra"
~~~~~~

"...."

>I'm a plot device, I think.

"Moving up in the world!"

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>Pommel
"???"
-Daw-
'Haymaker'
[QS]
{SG}
(SuckerPunch)
~PJ~
=Arana=
+Actarius+
~~~~

>...Owww... my... my head... what happened? Why... all I remember is someone shouting 'Ah hah!' and then... pain.... annnnd, now I am tied to a chair, that happened.

-Some wanker clubbed us over the head and tied us up.-

>Thank you, love of my life, could not put that together on my own... what the hell?

'Ow... owww... the fuck hit me?'

>I am noticing a lot of guards. Is this an invasion? Because, sad as I am to admit it, you are barking up the exact wrong tree if you want to take out threats that will stop you. We are really damn low on the list.

{Oh hey, tied up in a room with a stallion on your back, just another Monday, eh Quicksilver?}

[FUCK YOU!]

{Pointed in the wrong direction for that one.}

(Why did I have to get tied up with these assholes...)

+Huh... this actually makes me think of JJ, for some reason.+

>Our guards, everyone.

+I'm not a guard anymore.+

~HEY! I'm over here too!~

=It's okay if you don't notice me. That's for the best.=

-HOLY SHIT A TALKIN' SPIDER!-

>Okay, so this is probably not a plot by Chrysalis.

=...actually...=

~Yeaaaah, about that...~

"It's not! It's a plot by ME!"

>OH NO! NOT... uh...

-...uhhhh...-

[Er...]

{Y-you?}

~I'll just come out and say it, who the fuck are you?~

=He looks a LITTLE familiar...=

(Right? But can't remember where...)

"That's right! ME! CHEESE SANDWICH! And unfortunately, you all must DIE!... Sorry!"

>...I'm lost. Did you guys do something to make him mad?

'I've never seen this asshole in my life!'

[Ditto.]

{Same.}

~Very much so yeah.~

"No, you're right, I've met exactly none of you, and that's why you must DIE!"

>...Sound logic.

-The fuckin' 'ell is wrong with you!?-

"I'm sorry, really! But you're the only ones who fit the profiles!"

>Just...walk me through this.

"Okay, I need to get rid of OC's, which are all of you guys, BUT I need to get rid of SPECIFIC OC's, as most of them are totally unrelated and won't help at all! Long story short, this means Canterlot, because that's where Pinkie, the character I bounce off of lives, so I obviously have to kill OC's there..."

>...Okayyyyy?

"I was going to grab Fuzzy and the Buzz too, but they literally only showed up ten threads ago, they don't have past versions I can kill, and killing future versions won't help me. So, you guys!"

>This is mostly guards, I'm noticing... gettin' some racist vibes...

"Well, I don't want to go to the Empire to join Shiny's crew, so going at Forty Two or Eighteen would be wholly pointless and not help me in the least. Annnd, the rest of the Hive just went back to the Empire for the second time, so they're all discounted. Forty One and Jugglejack go where the Hive goes and only care about those two, so if I take you guys out I remove them by proxy with less bloodshed and bullets, and apparently 32 has been through enough shit to last him a lifetime, so I'd feel bad killing him.... oh, and I will probably be disintegrated if I tried this on Two. Sorry, but most of the changelings are Empire-Pony related. You all live here."

+...I see the logic, this still feels racist.+

"There's changelings in there too!"

=Like, two of us...=

"You're the only ones who live here!"

~I actually go with the hive most days too, so can I-~

"Pfft."

~Wow I am transparent.~

'But, wait, what about 12?'

"Lives in Ponyville till later threads, doesn't help me."

-What about those wankers hanging out with the big bug?-

"That would be her daughter or her friend... she, uh... she's not someone I want to fight. You guys I can handle, though!"

>That's a blow to the pride...

[BULLSHIT!]

{BULL!}

"I can so! Obviously! I did it!"

{NEVER!}

"Huh?"

=Um... I'm like, a plot device usually? I don't get much screentime either.=

~I literally have not done something even mildly interesting since Cordyceps, and that's when I ran away. My last notable thing is RUNNING.~

>Yeah, guard stuff aside I don't show up either. I don't even think I've interacted with Pinkie. I'm there for an action scene, but you seem more comedy guy.

-I tried ta' join the gunclub right before the fuckin' thing all fell apart, and I ain't done shit since except show up for an action scene then fuckin' vanish!-

(My last thing was GETTING SAVED! I didn't even do anything interesting Vs Chitania!)

'I don't even think I was THERE for that!'

-How the bloody hell are we takin' up so much screentime that you just plain can't squeeze in there!?-

[WE WOULD KILL FOR A THING LIKE YOU GOT IN PARTYLAND!]

{KILLLL!}

"...Well... shit!"

[Just kill the changelings for fucks sake!]

~RACIST!~

{It solves every problem!}

=How? All the important ones hang out with someone not-Pinkie. Even Chrysalis only sees her on one off gags. Shoot, even I don't see her! And I live in her office sometimes!=

[It just feels like that would solve the problem, even though they're technically unrelated.]

~...You just don't want to get shot.~

{NO FUCKING SHIT!}

"Look, my options are you guys or moving over to Cranada, and I don't like Cranada!"

-We don't even do the same gags you do! It's not like we're running over your 'thing' or something!'

'She's right, I'm actually the straight man in my entourage.'

(I'm part of a duo.)

[{+Same!+}]

"Look, THIS WILL FIX EVERYTHING SOMEHOW!"

+... Isn't this all Non-Canon anyway?+

>'~[{(=What.=)}]~'

+So, it'll all go back to normal next time anyway, won't it?+

"...NOOOOOOO! THIS HAS ALL BEEN FOR NOTHIIIINNNG!"

+Sorry, you want to talk about it?+

"...Screw it."

BLAM!

>HOLY SHIT!

-HA! That was awesome!-

'What's awesome about him shooting himself!?'

+The fact he'll be fine in the next story?... That's pretty cool.+

>So we're gonna get untied by the next story, right?

...

>...R-right?

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>AJ
"SA"
'Chrysalis'
~~~

>...

"...So are you going to explain why she's hugging me?"

>Nope.

"...Are you gonna explain why you're hugging me?"

'Nnngh...'

"...is anyone going to explain why she's hugging me?"

>...Ah'm gonna hug ya' too.

"What."

'Nngh.'

Shuffleshuffle.

>...

'...'

"...This is the most unsettling thing that has ever happened to me, bar none."

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 >Cadence
"Past Cadence'
~~~

"So do we ever get any better?"

>Kinda? We're working with Rarity, but I'm getting the impression she also doesn't know a ton about things like politics either.

"Huh... so-"

>So yeah, we just mostly let 18 handle the minutia and we work on public speaking, debates with foreign ministers, appearances and stuff like that. We're the face.

"...."

>...What?

"Now, see, when you say it out loud, I kind of feel..."

>...

"...like this is the BEST IDEA EVER!"

>RIGHT!?

>"EEEEEEEEE!"

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>Zecora
"Past Zecora"
~~~~~

>...

"...You see anybody?"

>Nope.

"Thank fuck, that damn rhyming got on my nerves. So, anything interesting happen?"

>I'm learning dream magic and advanced spells from Princess Luna.

"Kickass!"

>Right?

"...29 finally get what we're throwing his way?"

>Of course not.

"GODDAMN, buggo! Just... oop! Someone's coming."

>Yes me twin, I see them as well. Hold your tongue, no need to curse them to hell.

"But our private conversation has been spoiled! I think a bit of privacy is worth it for all we've toiled."

>I know, but we must keep up as we always have. The looks on their faces makes an excellent calming salve.

"Tis true, I must admit. Though while you're here... that ass will not quit."

>Oh yes, we can hardly tear our eyes away. Say, while we are still in temporal limbo... would you like to play?

"Sold."

TACKLE!

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>AJ
"Past AJ"
~~~

"...Do Ah' get ta' do somethin' this time?"

>Ya'll get ta' do a ton o' stuff, but it ain't fun. Lotta hittin' things.

"Don't seem like Mah' style."

>Ya' adapt pretty well, and then ya' get it in yer' fool head it only works sometimes.

"...Do ya' regret it?"

>The sad part? Nope... still feel kind vindicated that Ah' got ta' break 'er arm.

"...That's kinda sad."

>Do ya' feel sad?

"...no."

>...

"...that's kinda sad..."

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>SA
"AJ"
'Past SA'
~~~

"Ooooo~."

>Yep. Unfortunately went a little too far back with this one.

'Oh my gosh! I look so big! You must be from the future!'

"Ya'll look so cute with yer' hat."

'Hey! I will have you know this is the plus fifteen helm of Arnor! I gain sixteen charisma points if I combine it with this amulet of Sensuality!'

"Oh yeah, yer' real charismatic."

'Hee hee... thaaanks.'

>Make it stop.

'OH FRICK! I have to know! Do we bang an alien!?'

>We're happily married.

'...But do we bang an alien?'

>We're respected and known far and wide.

'...BUT DO WE BANG AN ALIEN!?'

>Sort of? More like being raped by an alien.

'...In... in the-'

>No, as in she looked like our current wife and brainblasted us so we thought we were having sex with her.

'But not the gross kind of... that. Just the 'oh no! I've banged TWO different mares, but cannot be blamed?'

>...

"Wow."

>I WAS TWELVE!

"Woowwwwww...."

'Is she a hot alien?'

>Tall black thing over there.

'....SCOOORRREEEE!'

>We were betrayed.

'ORRRRRRRRREEEEEEE'

>It took months to-

'OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEE-'

>Kill me.

"You er' him?"

>Kill one kill the other.

"Fair enough."

'YEAH! TOTALLY HAMMERED THAT LIKE THE PLUS EIGHTY WARAXE OF SALISHE!'

>...

"Chargin' mah' attack."

>I thank you.

"No need, this became a mercy kill a bit ago."

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