Undyne the Unlying

Dammit, why was this so hard?

Undyne paced the kerb alongside the house, struggling with how to imagine the conversation playing out. And yet all she could conclude was a look of utter disappointment she was determined to avoid, but didn't know how.

Dammit, why was this so hard?!

So what if he was disappointed? He wasn't her dad! What could he do? Fire her? There wasn't a Royal Guard to be fired from anymore. She could do whatever she wanted! Even if it broke the heart of a mentor that had practically raised her and-

"Goddammit, why is this so fu-"

She slapped her hand across her mouth and looked around. It was a good decision. The snowbunny kid was walking down the street and had turned around as she started yelling. She was pretty sure he already knew "goddammmit", so she wouldn't be getting a call from his mother about where he learned a new word.

This was stupid. More than stupid, it was cowardly. How would Alphys react if she saw her acting like this? For all Alphys' insecurities, Undyne doubted they were as hard to cope with as this one. And she couldn't confide in Frisk or Papyrus or anyone if this was going to work. She kinda wished she was just asking for a lawnmower. Being told no wouldn't be heartbreaking, and cutting the grass with her spear was kind of a challenge.

Screw it. No way out but through. She marched up the path to the front door and jabbed the doorbell fiercely.

And it wasn't like he'd say no, was it? She could count on one hand the number of times he'd refused something that wasn't dangerous. He'd lend that lawnmower to anyone, even if his own grass looked more like a jungle. Even if he really wanted to keep the lawnmower for some reason. Well why would she disappoint him by taking it away? Maybe she should just not mention it. But what if she really needed to cut her own? Would he really say no? She couldn't believe he's say no. SHE'D be the one disappointed in HIM if he refused. Get with the times. You know, spear cut grass looks better anyway, screw it! Wait, why was she thinking about lawnmowers, that wasn't even-

The door opened.

"YOU CAN TAKE YOUR LAWNMOWER AND STICK IT UP-"

"U-Undyne?"

She winked rapidly. Asgore was standing there, in a large bathrobe, a look of utter bewilderment on his face at her opening remarks.

"Oh! Sorry, Asgore! Was thinking about something and got carried away."

"Uh, h-howdy. Do, erm, do you need my lawnmower? I can lend it to you-"

"No no! It's nothing like that. It's- hey, what's up with the robe? Why are you taking a bath in the middle of the afternoon?"

He still looked puzzled, no doubt recovering from her introduction. "Hmm? Oh. Well you s-see, I was, ah, working in the garden this morning. Got a bit messier than usual, and I wanted to clean up properly before I take up father duties this evening."

"Oh." she said simply. That made sense. "Well I can come back later if you-"

"Of course not, I can, um, re-heat the water myself. Come on in! Would you like some tea?"

"Sure."

The temperature seemed to jump by ten degrees as she crossed the threshold of the front door. No doubt she was still feeling anxious about telling him and asking. Getting closer to the moment made it all the harder. She sat on the bar stool in the kitchen, the only chair that wouldn't make her look like a kid at the table. As Asgore rarely had guests in his kitchen, he hadn't fretted about getting one built for his size.

He eyed her as the kettle boiled, making small talk about the weather, and taking the time to talk breathlessly about the tulips he had just gotten which were in a pot, ready for planting in his garden. When she only grunted in mild interest, this caused him to change tack, showing her a tea cup he found in a yard sale that was mostly blue, but with a red handle and a yellow band in the middle, all a perfect match for her scales, hair and teeth. She actually grinned at this, for coincidences like this were pretty funny. Before long there were two cups on the table, including the blue one, and Undyne drank first, hoping this somehow made a good impression.

"Oh hey, I recognise this stuff. Chameleon tea, right?"

"Chamomile. It is good to help one relax. Forgive me Undyne, but you seem a touch restless."

"What? I'm always restless, you know that!"

He chuckled. "True. But more restless than usual."

Dammit, she'd already tipped her hand. He knew she was here to talk about something super serious. That limited her options. It was a shame, she liked her odds of jumping through the window with minimal glass damage. Papyrus made it look so easy. To his credit, Asgore did not press her. He just calmly drank his tea, which made Undyne feel like she should drink more of hers. They sat in silence for a few minutes.

"So," he said at last, "how is the gym coming along?"

"Huh? Oh, it's great!" she chirped, with a grin slightly larger than usual. "It's fulla monsters, and even some humans. Everybody's getting in shape, and I don't even have to be on their case to do it! Not many people working on the high-end weights though."

"Hmm," mused Asgore, "were these the weights you told me start at a minimum of three hundred pounds?"

"Yeah. I mean, Greater Dog uses 'em sometimes, but often they're pristine. Like I have them all to myself! Never seen a human touch 'em though."

He smiled affectionately, and possibly with a glint of knowing something but deciding not to explain.

"The exercise machines are really popular too! Never touch them myself, I prefer just sprinting around town. But Alph- Alphys, she did a good job engineering them so they could be used by all sorts of shapes! Ever seen a moldsmall running? It's a helluva sight."

"I shall have to pay a visit." he said warmly. "It sounds like an excellent example of humans and monsters living together."

He started talking about public engagements he had undertaken recently. Undyne only half-listened and raised her cup again, only to find it empty. Good time for taking stock: how did she feel? Well, there were still nerves, and the house still felt warm to her, but the anxiety seemed to have loosened its grip. She didn't know whether it was the tea or the small talk that had done it, but she was going to avail of it. So she screwed up her courage.

"...and when they had me open a cafe for them, I couldn't resist saying no to their hot chocolate. It was delicious, though I doubt it was worth the marshmallows on my beard-"

"Asgore."

Her calm, steady tone stopped him dead in his tracks. It was a rarity.

"I want to talk to you about Alphys."

His smile vanished. "Is she alright? Has she been hurt? Is there anything I can do-"

"No, no! Nothing like that! It's..."

She pinched the center of her face and exhaled. This was harder than she thought.

"Look. You know I'm friends with her, right?"

"Well of course. You live with her for a start, to cut down on costs. You're always watching those 'anime' cartoons with her when I visit. I liked the one about hamsters..."

"Yeah, well..." she took another breath, "it's more than that. I like her."

"I would be surprised if you were friends with her and didn't like her-"

"No, not like that! I, well, LIKE HER like her."

He sipped his tea thoughtfully. "So she is your best friend? That's nice-"

"Yeah, she is! But that's not what I'm saying! Why is this so hard?!"

Not wanting to break Asgore's cup, she carefully placed it on the table, and instead clenched her hands together tightly.

"Undyne, are you alright?"

"DAMMIT ASGORE, I LOVE HER!"

It must have been loud, something fell off a table upstairs with a thump.

"Erm..."

"AND NOT LIKE A SISTER! WE GET PASSIONATE ABOUT STUFF TOGETHER EVEN THOUGH IT'S DIFFERENT STUFF AND I THINK I MAKE HER MORE CONFIDENT AND SHE GETS ME TO ACTUALLY THINK STUFF THOUGH AND I LOVE HOW THAT WORKS! AND I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK, IT'S HOW I FEEL AND I'M NOT HIDING FROM IT!"

Her heart was pounding. The gauntlet had been thrown down. She folded her arms tightly and had a mutinous look of defiance on her face as she beheld his naked surprise at the outburst. Waiting for it to melt into shock or disappointment or, god help her, anger.

Instead, he took a long drink of his tea, and smiled.

"Undyne, what on Earth made you think I didn't already know?"

There was a tearing sound in her head. The script she had thrown together just been ripped in half, and was being crumpled into a ball.

"You-? You already-? When?!"

"Always. It was obvious just from how you talked to each other when we stood before the exit to the Underground. You think I do not know love when I see it? I was married, you know. The whole town knows. Frisk is my child, they helped get you together. They saw no reason to hide that from me."

"I... You never commented on it. I thought maybe you didn't notice..."

"Well, why would I comment on something so obvious? And, if I may, adorable?"

Undyne was completely wrong-footed. It was like trying to kick a door down when there was no door in the frame.

"You, you're okay with us?"

"You thought I would disapprove?" he frowned. "I thought you knew me better than that."

Her eye bulged in her head. The chain of logic that had concluded this meeting had to happen in the first place looked rusty and fragile.

"Well obviously I didn't tell you when the Barrier broke. There was too much going on, wasn't there? I didn't even think anything of it. And then Alphys went on a kick of looking up human history. Actual human history, not the books we found in the garbage. And she would read out stuff about how humans were really stuck up about... our kind of love. Especially Royalty, they were expected to have children. And I dunno, I thought maybe..."

"I grew up back then, so I may share their views?"

She wished she was at her own table, so she could slam her head in shame and feel satisfied breaking it in half. How could she have misread him like this over a stupid book?

"Well, the book is correct. Back then there was a lot of pressure to procure an heir or two. And human options for such are limited to, em, 'traditional' means. It was easier for myself and... the Queen to have a child, but if push comes to shove, there are magical options for monsters to overcome that difficulty."

"Yeah, I know about those-"

"And incidentally, while I tended not to pry on my fellow Sovereigns, merchants often carried rumours of what they got up to once an heir was procured. Keeping up an appearance is still merely an appearance. You know, sometimes I thought the war was to try and silence what I knew about them. And they were nothing, you should ask Gerson about some of the stories his Grandfather told him about the rulers of the great empires of old. They made my contemporaries look like saints."

"So, it never bothered you? Even back then?"

"I cannot lie, it was not particularly common back then, even among monsters. As you've learned, human ideas about it can be more influential than you might think when you are exposed to them. But it was still just a fact of life. When we are already so diverse, such love is inevitable."

"But-"

"Undyne, listen." It was his turn to be calm and steady. "Love is love. I know what it is to lose that love. Through accident, tragedy and my own foolishness I lost it. If others can find their own happiness, I take joy in that happiness existing. Do you know Hephaestus and Flopsy?"

"The guards that used to patrol Hotlands?"

"You do know they're together, correct? I just sent them a house warming package. They make a lovely couple."

Undyne looked surprised. "I heard they were a thing, but I hadn't heard they moved in together."

"Only a couple of weeks, they've been taking it slow. I sent them a selection of teas, ointment for soothing chaffed scales, and the same sort of brush I use to groom the fur of my ears."

"Ooh, that's a good one. Back in the Royal Guard barracks Hephaestus was always complaining how matted his ears got!"

"Yes, word of that reached me."

Undyne was feeling a whole lot better. The ache from kicking down a door that wasn't there had faded.

"So, you're cool with me and Alph? No problems?"

"I do have one question."

She grinned. "Shoot!"

"If you knew about Hephaestus and Flopsy, and assumed I didn't approve, why only hold yourself to that standard?"

Her grin faded again. She didn't feel scared or guilty however. It was something she hadn't actually considered before then.

"I never made the connection, really. I mean, the Guard's over, so it didn't kinda matter?"

"And yet it mattered to you?"

"Well most folk still call us guards. Everyone knows I was captain. And we're still friends, obviously, after you trained me for half my life. I... damn, I dunno... I wanted to make sure I wasn't making the Royal Household... this family you have, look bad by..."

Her words held her attention as she stared at her empty cup. She could feel Asgore staring at her. She kinda wished there was an explosion so she didn't have to think about what she just realised. But then something large and fuzzy covered her hands.

"Undyne," he said softly, "if there was ever anything you did that may have brought the family into trouble, it was not following your heart for someone that really complements you. As your former employer, as a friend, as... Well, I wish you and Alphys every success."

She looked up at him. His smile was exceedingly gentle, and his eyes had a peace to them she had rarely seen.

"Thanks." she managed to choke out. The act of doing so unblocked the anxiety completely. As it melted away, she gave her own gentle smile. And now the last part would be easy.

"Now," he said, suddenly businesslike, "if I may, was there a reason you decided to discuss all this with me right now?"

"Yeah!" she grinned. "I've been thinking long and hard, and... I wanna take Alphys out somewhere nice this week and... and pop the question."

His eyes brightened so much Undyne thought she saw fire in them. Her hands were suddenly bare, as his regrouped beneath his chin and enormous smile. He was an overgrown kid.

"Oh, that is terrific news! I am sure she will agree!"

"Well she better!" laughed Undyne. "And I wanted to check with you before I planned it: If she says yes, will you... as King, can you preside over the wedding?"

He clutched his chest in affection. "That would be the least I could do!"

"Thank you, Asgore. I really appreciate it."

She had meant to yell, to smash something, maybe even punch his arm, her usual means of celebrating. A warm steady acknowledgement was not a card in her deck, and she had somehow played it nevertheless.

"Welp!" she bellowed, trying to get back on track. "Lots to do. I haven't even got a ring yet! I guess that's first. See you later-"

"Wait a moment."

She had just gotten to her feet when she noticed how serious Asgore's face had become. Not grave, as it often had in the Underground, but he had resolved to say this.

"You are probably going to get a lot of people giving you advice about married life. Might I, erm, get the first volley in?"

"Sure!"

"Well, really, I have one piece of advice. And it's the one I learned the hard way: Listen to Alphys. Never shut her out of your decisions. Let her say her piece. There may be times you will do what you would have done alone anyway, but never let her feel like you have acted without her."

She nodded grimly. Undyne knew exactly where he got this advice from.

"That makes sense. But why not tell Alphys this too?"

He tilted his head slightly, a golden eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, stupid question, she already listens."

"Good luck, Undyne." he repeated.

She lunged forward, catching him in a massive hug. Despite the fact her arms barely reached his back, he found it hard to breathe. Finally, she released him.

"Well, see ya at the aisle, Fluffybuns!"

She marched out of the kitchen, Asgore following behind her. He watched her wrench the door open and continue marching onto the street and towards town. Asgore waved at her until he was quite certain she was out of sight, and then closed his door and fiddled with the tiny lock.

"She is gone!" he called.

"At last."

He heard the footsteps before he turned around. Toriel was wrapped in one of his spare bathrobes, and was taking care not to trip on the edge of it. Asgore carefully wrapped his arms around her.

"I am so sorry you had to sit up there for so long. Being interrupted two days in a row, who would have thought? Undyne had a lot to talk about."

"I heard half of it before I even risked opening the door. Try as she might, Undyne is not suited to discretion, even with her own feelings. You... I think you said the right things to her."

"Thank you." he beamed.

"So, you did not tell her that Alphys came here yesterday asking your advice on how to propose to her?"

Asgore looked offended. "Tori, I promised the Doctor I wouldn't tell anyone! Besides, it will be interesting to see who beats who to the punch."

She chuckled warmly. "The speech about lost love was a bit melodramatic, Asgore."

"Well, it is true. Or...? Perhaps when they marry we might be...?"

She frowned momentarily at him. "Do not ask me that. It is still too soon. I told you, one day at a time and we shall see. I do not want false hope spreading around."

"Well then, shall I attempt to bargain one more day out of you? Oh, will they be back from the movies by then?"

"Sans promised three hours minimum. And do not look like that, he can keep secrets. As long as you do not have to broker any more matrimony. Perhaps we should leave a window open however. It will help cool the house down faster."

"You always did think of these things." he said as a dull heat rose in his muzzle, bending over a little to nuzzle her nose. He would have carried her, but the broad stairs weren't broad enough for such theatrics, so he satisfied with keeping his arm wrapped round her shoulder.

"Oh Asgore, I admit I missed this."

"Erm," he hazarded sheepishly, "you wouldn't happen to feel ready to... to call me Fluff-"

"Do not push your luck... Gorey." She giggled at the name.

Well, that was progress.

****

[That was the canon ending. But what if it happened like this?]

"Well, see ya at the aisle, Fluffybuns!"

She marched out of the kitchen, Asgore following behind her. He watched her wrench the door open and continue marching onto the street and towards town. Asgore waved at her until he was quite certain she was out of sight, and then closed his door and fiddled with the tiny lock.

"She is gone!" he called.

"Like, took her long enough!"

The lanky green figure peeked out of his spare bathrobe, which was almost a tent on her.

"But, omigosh, Alphys is gonna be like so surprised! She was sure she was gonna ask Undyne first!"

"Well let us not be hasty, Bratty," said Asgore fairly, wrapping his arms around her, "perhaps Alphys shall get there first."

"Oh, you big fuzzy goofball!" giggled Bratty. "You should like open a betting pool on it!"

"That would betray Alphys' confidence. I can't do that."

"I was kidding silly billy! Like I'd do that to Alphys, she's like a sister to me! But anyway," she flickered her eyelashes at him and carefully wrapped her tail around him, "you and I have, like, unfinished business."

"I believe we do." said Asgore eagerly. "For all my talk of love, I have been actively denying myself, even after the barrier broke. In this new age, I should not dwell on the past. You are wonderful at making everything seem young and new. It's a perspective that has helped me a great deal recently."

"Oh Fluffybuns, I'm flattered! But please keep this secret. I, like, haven't figured out how to tell Catty about this. We made a pact in school if one of us ever got you, and omigosh I wanna make sure she doesn't kill herself."

"A king knows how to be discrete." he said warmly. Kissing her on her scaly cheek, he picked her up and proceeded to the stairs, Bratty giggling excitedly the whole way.

****

[Or maybe like this?]

He watched her wrench the door open and continue marching onto the street and towards town. Asgore waved at her until he was quite certain she was out of sight, and then closed his door and fiddled with the tiny lock.

"She is gone!" he called.

"Ugh, finally."

The squat, off-white figure clambered down the stairs.

"You, er, didn't mind being cooped up there, Jerry?"

"Wouldn't have been so bad if I could use my phone, but your internet speed is terrible. I keep telling you to spring for cable."

"Perhaps I should get Alphys to guide me when she is not busy being proposed to. Now..." he scooped Jerry up in his arms with a warm smile, "where were we?"

The rubbery lips twisted into a coy look. "You were saying my name a real lot."

"Well, I cannot help myself. With you, I can drop all pretence of acting the king. You do not care for such things or my personal foibles. I can let my guard down in a way I have not for so long."

"Yeah," muttered Jerry, checking his phone, "and I don't give a crap about the whole kid-murderer thing."

"W-well," stammered Asgore, "that is a benefit too."

A noodly arm caressed his horn as he carried Jerry back upstairs.

****

[This is a good one]

Asgore waved at her until he was quite certain she was out of sight, and then closed his door and fiddled with the tiny lock.

"She is gone!" he called.

Clunk.

Asgore turned round to see his other guest. The large rock had appeared in the hallway without being entirely clear how this happened.

"She sure took her time." she complained.

"I am sorry, Thirdy," pleaded Asgore, "she had something really important to talk to me about."

"At least she didn't see me. I'm just not ready to put out that I'm going out with the king. Can you imagine if my brother Fourth got wind of this? He's such a chatterbox, everyone would know at once. And Second, he's got such a big head, he'll think it makes him like your heir or something. God, he's so full of it sometimes!"

"Hmm, I don't think I've met them yet. Not formally at least."

"That can come later, Gor-gor. You need to warm me up again."

"Ah," he said wistfully, "I love how solid you are even in matters of the heart. You keep me grounded. I have always been prey to flights of fancy."

"Gotta keep your feet on the ground if this is gonna work." she said coquettishly.

With a grunt, Asgore picked her up and carried her up stairs again.

****

[One more for luck]

"She is gone!" he called.

"Arf!"

A small white bundle of fur bound down the stairs and leapt into Asgore's equally fluffy hands, and started licking him.

"Easy there, boy. Thank you for waiting, Undyne really needed me there."

"Arf."

"Well, yes, I can finagle you a seat at the wedding if I'm presiding it."

His tail wagged.

"Now, shall we get back to the important business of belly rubbing?"

"Woof!"

"But I just fed you an hour ago."

He whined.

"Oh, very well. You certainly know what to say to make me change my mind. It's as if you know exactly how I'll react to everything. Like you created me."

"Woof?"

"Yes, we can play fetch later."

The small dog barked happily, and followed Asgore into the kitchen, but not before stopping, turning around and winking at nobody in particular.