I'm sorry.

I hate that I even have to construct this message, but I know that at the end of the day, it is the least you deserve.

The truth is, Chris, sometimes we outgrow people. I fell in love with you when I met you. I thought you were everything I needed, but on my hiatus, I fell in love with someone else. I fell in love with myself. I became everything I wanted and needed. I became the person I sought after for so long. Upon my return back home to you, I thought I would feel comfortable and at ease. But I didn’t, and I couldn’t figure out why. All these familiar faces welcomed me back, I was happy to see them, I missed you all... But after taking a look at the bigger picture, I no longer fit in this family portrait.

There’s always some sort of drama, there’s always someone being cast out or someone talking shit. It’s costly on the brain to have to constantly readjust to welcoming people in but knowing at some point they wouldn’t be around again, and sadly I’m now placing myself in that category to save you the trouble. You and I just aren’t what we need anymore. I’m not mad at you or upset or disappointed. After simmering on things, I’ve decided that I need to do what’s best for me, even if it is walking away. 

I’ve created something stable for myself, something reliable and constant. Something calm and soothing, and in saying that I hope you know that you are welcome to visit me if you so choose. I’d like to retain a friendship, but if you do not wish that, I do understand. 

I love you, Chris. But I love myself more, and I need to do what is right for me. I hope you understand.