R11:CO1_04.txt

こころ「ゆに！　助かったのね！？」%K%P
Yuni! You were saved?!

声が自然と溢れ出す。%K%P
I blurted it out spontaneously.

そこにいたのは間違いなく、私が探し求めていたゆにだった。%K%P
I took a closer look. There was no mistaking it: sitting in front of me was Yuni, the boy I'd been searching for so desperately.

ゆにはベッドと壁の狭い隙間で毛布にくるまりうずくまっていた。%K%P
Wrapped up in a blanket, Yuni sat crouched in the narrow space between the bed and the wall.

こころ「大丈夫！？　どこもケガしなかった！？」%K%P
Are you all right?! Are you hurt?!

私はゆにの前にひざまずくと、その両肩に手をかけた。%K%P
As I knelt down in front of him, I put my hands on his shoulders.

手のひらに確かな感触……。%K%P
What my palms felt was real....

今ここに彼が存在することの奇蹟を、私は心から祝福し、感謝した。%K%P
He's alive, right here and now. I gave thanks from the bottom of my heart for this blessing.

再会の喜びに胸が躍る。%K%P
My heart was racing from the joy of our reunion. A feeling of excitement ran through my body, powered by the hot blood charging through my veins.

たかぶる感情は熱い血潮となって全身を駆けめぐり、私はどうにもこらえきれなくなって彼の身体を抱きしめようとした。%K%P
I could no longer hold myself back. My body rushed toward him. I wanted to hold him tightly in my arms.

しかし……。%K%P
But....

ゆに「誰……？」%K%P
Who...?

唇からこぼれたそのひと言に、私の衝動は遮られた。%K%P
That one word escaping from his lips stopped me dead in my tracks.

ゆに「誰ですか……？」%K%P
Who are you...?

こころ「ど、どうしたのよ、ゆに……」%K%P
Wh, what do you mean, Yuni...?

こころ「私よ、私！　覚えてないの！？」%K%P
It's me! Don't you remember?!

こころ「あの飛行機が墜落したとき、隣に座ってたじゃない！」%K%P
I was sitting right beside you when the plane crashed!

あまりの戸惑いに私の声はうわずってしまっていた。%K%P
My voice was high and shrill with confusion.

ゆにの瞳はぼんやりと虚ろで、焦点も定まっていないようだ。%K%P
Yuni's hollow, lifeless eyes were staring off somewhere; they appeared lost, not focused on anything in particular.

ゆに「人違いじゃないですか……？」%K%P
Are you mistaking me for someone else...?

ゆに「ぼく、あなたのことなんて知りませんけど……」%K%P
I... have no idea who you are...

こころ「そんな……」%K%P
How...

こころ「でも、きみは楠田ゆにくんなんでしょう！？」%K%P
But you ARE Kusuda Yuni-kun, right?!

ゆに「どうして……ぼくの名前を……？」%K%P
My name... How... how did you...?

こころ「だってそれは……」%K%P
Because, you see...

言いかけて、私は言葉を呑んだ。%K%P
I swallowed the words I was going to say, stopping in the middle of my sentence.

ふと、あることに気づいたのだ。%K%P
I suddenly realized something.

この状況、この会話、先ほど部屋に現れた女性とのやり取りに似ている。%K%P
This situation, this conversation: they were all too similar to those which had taken place a short while ago, in that hospital-like room with that strange, moody woman.

私は彼女に見覚えがなかったが、彼女は私のことを知っていた。%K%P
I had no idea who she was, but it seemed like she knew something about me.

私はゆにのことをしっかりと覚えているというのに、彼の方はまったく心当たりがない様子だ。%K%P
And now, although I clearly remembered Yuni, he didn't seem to have any clue as to who I was.

立場こそ逆転しているけれど、状況の本質はあのときと変わらない。%K%P
Although the roles were switched, the situation was basically the same.

そう言えば、先ほどの女性は、私が『楠田ゆに』という名前を告げたとたんに表情を一変した。%K%P
Now that I think about it, that woman's expression only changed when I mentioned the name "Kusuda Yuni."

いま目の前にいる彼も、私が名前を知っていることに対して疑問を抱いているようだ。%K%P
And now, the person right in front of me also questioned me as to why I knew HIS name.

これは一体どういうことだろう？%K%P
What the heck is going on?

この建物の中では、私がゆにのことを知っていてはイケナイのだろうか？%K%P
Was it a bad idea for me to admit I knew Yuni, I wonder?

私は彼の姿をじっと見つめた。%K%P
I looked at him again.

彼の視線は私の背後、どこか遠いところへと向けられていた。%K%P
His eyes were pointed somewhere behind me, as if they were staring at something far away.

感情をなくしたその表情は、干乾びた人形のように色褪せて見えた。%K%P
His expression was void of all emotion, like that of a faded and dried-up doll.

私の脳裏をよぎるのは、無邪気にぬいぐるみと戯れていた彼の姿……。%K%P
In my head, I could still remember how he had played so innocently and cheerfully with a doll, a small plush bear....

私は何か大切なものを失ってしまったような気がした。%K%P
I felt as if I'd just lost something incredibly precious to me.

こころ「そう、忘れちゃったんだ……」%K%P
I see, so you've forgotten...

こころ「だけど、その方が幸せかも知れない」%K%P
Well, maybe it's for the best.

ゆに「幸せ……？」%K%P
For the best...?

こころ「あの機内で起きたこと……」%K%P
What had happened on the plane...

こころ「私だって、記憶を消したいぐらいだもん」%K%P
I wish I could forget that as well.

ゆに「あの、ちょっと待ってください」%K%P
Um, just a moment.

ゆに「さっきから、言ってることがよくわからないんですけど……」%K%P
I don't quite understand what you're trying to say...

こころ「？」%K%P
?

ゆに「ぼく、忘れてなんかいませんよ」%K%P
I haven't forgotten anything.

ゆに「あの飛行機に乗ったときのことから、墜ちたときのことまで全部……」%K%P
From the time I got onto the plane, right up until the crash, everything...

ゆに「全部、覚えてるんです」%K%P
I remember everything.

その意味を理解するまでには時間がかかった。%K%P
It took a while for me to digest his words.

つまりこういうことだろうか？%K%P
In short, what that meant was...

ゆには機内で起きたすべての出来事を覚えている。%K%P
Yuni remembered everything about the flight and the crash.

にもかかわらず、私に関する記憶だけがすっぽりと抜け落ちていて……。%K%P
However, he had no memory of me...

ゆに「とにかく、あなたは何か誤解してるんだと思います」%K%P
Anyway, I believe that there's been a misunderstanding.

誤解？　誤解なんかしていない。%K%P
Misunderstanding?  I'm pretty sure I couldn't have gotten anything mixed up.

私は確かにゆにのことを知っているのだ。%K%P
I was very certain I knew Yuni.

ゆに「ひとつ訊いてもいいですか？」%K%P
May I ask a question?

ささやくような問いかけに私の思考は妨げられた。%K%P
My thoughts were interrupted by his whispering.

ゆに「他の人達は……どうなったんですか……？」%K%P
The other people...  What happened to them...?

ゆに「あなたもあの飛行機に乗ってたんでしょ？」%K%P
You were on that plane as well, weren't you?

なにも言うことができない。%K%P
I was unable to speak.

もちろん混乱や戸惑いに言葉を失っていたせいもあるが、実際、その問いに対する答えを私は知らなかったのだ。%K%P
My confusion had left me at a loss for words as it was. Needless to say, his question didn't make things any easier for me.

私の記憶は墜落の直前のところでプツリと途切れている。%K%P
My memory stops at the point just before the crash.
//old: My memory had stops at the point just before the crash.

凄まじい衝撃を感じて意識を失い、気がついたときにはあの部屋のベッドで寝ていた。%K%P
I had probably lost consciousness from the immense impact; when I came to, I found myself on the bed in that strange room.

ゆに「そうですか……」%K%P
I see...

黙り込む私の様子から何かを悟ったのだろう、彼は唇を震わせながら呟いた。%K%P
He seemed to have made sense of something simply listening to my silence; his lips trembled as he mumbled something.

色褪せた表情に陰りが射す。瞳に浮かんだ涙が揺れる。%K%P
He went pale, his expression clouding over. From his pupils, large round teardrops started to form and shake haphazardly, sparkling in the light.

彼は感情を失っていたのではなかったのかも知れない。%K%P
It looked as if he hadn't lost any of his emotions after all.

ただそれを心の奥底に封印していただけで……。%K%P
He had just tried to seal them up deep in his heart....

ゆに「ごめんなさい、何かわかったら教えてもらえますか？」%K%P
I'm sorry, but if you figure anything out, can you please tell me?

ゆに「実はぼく、あるひとを捜してるんです」%K%P
You see, I've been looking for a certain person.

ゆに「こころって名前のひと……」%K%P
A person named Kokoro...

ゆに「名字は確か、冬川……」%K%P
Her family name was... Fuyukawa.

ゆに「冬川だったと思います」%K%P
I think it was Fuyukawa.

私は耳を疑った。%K%P
I couldn't believe my ears.

ぞわぞわと広がっていく悪寒はもう止めることができない。%K%P
My body started trembling nervously... I tried to calm myself down at first, but then realized I had no control over it and simply gave in.

あの褐色の女性だけならまだしも、ゆにまでもが私を『冬川こころ』として認識していないのだ。%K%P
So it wasn't just that dark-skinned woman who was acting strange. Even Yuni didn't recognize me as "Fuyukawa Kokoro."

私は自分の存在のすべてを否定されたような気がして恐ろしくなった。%K%P
To have my whole existence simply denied like that was frightening, to say the least.

ゆに「どうしたんですか？」%K%P
Is something wrong?

かぼそい声で、ゆにが尋ねてくる。%K%P
Yuni asked in a delicate voice.

私は……。%K%p
I am....

自分が冬川こころであると訴える
Tell him that I'm Fuyukawa Kokoro

何も言わない
Don't say anything

私はそれでも訴えずにはいられなかった。%K%P
I couldn't help but tell him again...

私こそが冬川こころであると……。%K%P
That I myself am Fuyukawa Kokoro...

他の誰でもない、今ここにいる私だけが本当の私であると……。%K%P
No one else, only the me who's here right now: the true me....

こころ「ゆに、よく聞いてね……？」%K%P
Yuni, listen carefully, okay...?

こころ「きみが捜してるひと、冬川こころという名前の乗客は、助かったわ」%K%P
The person you're looking for, the passenger named Fuyukawa Kokoro, she survived.

ゆに「……えっ？　……ほんとに？」%K%P
...Eh? ...Really?

こころ「うん……」%K%P
Yes...

ゆに「じゃあこころんは生きてるんだね！」%K%P
Then, Kokoron's alive!

ゆに「今どこにいるの！？　こころんに会わせて！　ぼくをこころんのいるところに連れてって！」%K%P
Where is she right now?! Let me see her! Can you take me to her?!

ゆにはたちまち勢いづくと、私のもとへと詰め寄ってきた。%K%P
Yuni seemed to take heart from this, and he moved closer to me.

私は無駄だと知りながらも、こう言わざるを得なかった。%K%P
I knew it'd most likely be useless, but I couldn't help saying it.

こころ「ここにいるじゃない……」%K%P
She's right here!

こころ「冬川こころはここにいる」%K%P
Fuyukawa Kokoro is right here.

こころ「私よ……」%K%P
It's me...

こころ「私が……こころなの……」%K%P
I'm... Kokoro...

そう告げたとたん、メガネの奥の瞳が険しくなった。%K%P
As I told him that, the pupils behind his glasses sharpened.

そこに表われていたのは怪訝や疑問ではなく完全なる否定だった。%K%P
His face showed neither suspicion nor doubt, but complete and utter denial.

ゆには敵意をむき出しにして私のことを睨みつけていた。%K%P
Yuni glared at me, his expression hostile.

ゆに「ねえ、さっきから何わけのわかんないこと言ってんの？」%K%P
Hey, what's all this nonsense you're trying to tell me?

ゆに「あなたが冬川こころなわけないでしょう？」%K%P
How can you possibly be Fuyukawa Kokoro?

この言葉を聞いたのはこれで２度目だ。%K%P
This was the second time I'd heard those words.

さすがに平手打ちをもらうことはなかったが、態度が豹変したことについてはどちらも同じだった。%K%P
As expected, he didn't slap me or anything, but his sudden change of attitude pointed to the fact that that was the least of what he wanted to do right now.

こころ「たぶんそう言うんじゃないかと思ってた」%K%P
I expected you'd say something like that.

こころ「でも、これは事実なのよ」%K%P
But it's the truth!

こころ「私は誰が何と言おうと間違いなく冬川こころなの」%K%P
Regardless of what anyone says, I am unmistakably, undoubtedly, and truly Fuyukawa Kokoro!

ゆに「ふーん、そっか」%K%P
Hmm, I see...

ゆに「ぼくをからかおうってつもりなのかも知れないけど、そうはいかないよ」%K%P
I don't know if you're trying to make fun of me, but I won't be fooled so easily.

ゆに「そう言えば、伝えるのを忘れてたね？」%K%P
Now that I think about it, I never really told you that, did I?

ゆに「こころんの性別は、女性なんだよ」%K%P
Kokoro is a girl.

したり顔のゆに……。%K%P
Yuni now had a triumphant look on his face....

私にはその表情の意味が理解できない。%K%P
The meaning of which I didn't quite understand.

こころ「だ、だから？」%K%P
A, and so?

ゆに「だから、そういうことさ」%K%P
So, it means exactly that!

ゆに「あなたはどっからどう見ても女性とは思えないし……」%K%P
No matter how I look at you, there's no way I can think of you as a girl...

ゆに「言葉づかいをちょっと変えたぐらいじゃそんなことはごまかし切れないよ」%K%P
Changing the way you speak a little is hardly enough to fool me.

ゆに「ぼくをだますんなら、せめてそれらしい格好をしておくべきだったね」%K%P
If you're going to try and trick me, the least you could do is try to look the part.

格好……？%K%P
Look the part...?

言われてみて初めて気がついた。%K%P
Now that he mentioned it, it had come to my attention.

床にひざまずいたまま、自分の姿を眺めてみる。%K%P
That ever since I had woken up, I hadn't had the chance to even glance at myself in the mirror.

私は返答に窮した。%K%P
So there was no way for me to come up with a sure-fire comeback.

この期に及んで自分が冬川こころだと主張したところで何になるだろう。%K%P
What would it take for him to realize that "I" am Fuyukawa Kokoro?

ゆにの反応は目に見えていた。%K%P
I couldn't quite make out Yuni's expression at the moment.

こころ「ううん、何でもないの……」%K%P
Well, it's nothing...

そう呟くのが精一杯だった。%K%P
It took all I had just to mutter that.

ゆには不思議そうに首を傾げている。%K%P
Yuni tilted his head curiously.

そんな彼の何気ない仕草に、私の胸は絞めつけられるように痛んだ。%K%P
His nonchalant gesture made my chest tighten and my heart feel another short, constricting burst of pain.

もうこれ以上耐えられそうもない。%K%P
I couldn't endure any more of this.

一刻も早くこの場を立ち去りたかった。%K%P
I couldn't stay here anymore.

私は彼から視線をそらして言った。%K%P
I turned my eyes away from Yuni and spoke.

こころ「それじゃあ私、行くね？」%K%P
Well then, I'll be off now, all right?

こころ「突然こんなとこに来ちゃったりしてごめんなさい」%K%P
I'm sorry for barging in here so suddenly.

こころ「でも……」%K%P
But...

こころ「きみに逢えて嬉しかった」%K%P
I was happy to see you.

言い残して立ち上がる。%K%P
Leaving him with those words, I stood up.

立ち上がった私の目の前には窓があった。%K%P
As I did so, I saw something as good as mirror in front of me.

カーテンの隙間から外が見える。%K%P
I could see it through the curtains.

外は暗闇……。%K%P
Darkness reigned outside....

きれいに磨かれたガラスの表面には室内の様子が映し出されていた。%K%P
So the beautifully polished glass had nothing to show but the reflections of the objects inside the room.

もちろん映っていたのはそれだけではない。%K%P
Of course, the walls, the lighting, and the furniture were not the only things that could be seen there.

私自身の姿も、闇に塗り込められておぼろげではあったが確かにそこに浮かびあがっていた。%K%P
My own appearance was faintly floating in it, painted hazily in the darkness.

こころ「えっ……？」%K%P
Eh...?

幻影を見たのではないかと思った。%K%P
I thought that maybe I was hallucinating.

目を閉じて、再び開いてみたが幻は消えなかった。%K%P
I closed my eyes and opened them again, but what I had first thought was an illusion didn't want to disappear from the slick glass surface.

背筋を伝って冷たい汗が流れ落ちる。%K%P
A cold sweat ran across my back.

悲鳴をあげようにも、何かが喉にへばりついて声が出せなかった。%K%P
I wanted to scream, but something was stopping me; it felt as if something was stuck inside my throat.

取り乱した私は慌てて自分の姿を確認した。%K%P
Panicking, I hastily tried to reaffirm what I had seen.

まるで見覚えのない服装をしていた。%K%P
I was wearing clothes I didn't recognize at all.

服装だけではない。%K%P
And it wasn't just my clothes that seemed alien to me.

節くれ立った十本の指、血管の浮き上がった手の甲、太いかいな、ゴツゴツとした体つき……。%K%P
The ten brutish fingers, the well-defined blood vessels crisscrossing the back of my hand, the rugged silhouette...

髪に触れてみると、その質感も長さも私のものとはまるっきり異なっていることがわかった。%K%P
I ran my fingers through my hair, only to notice that its length and texture didn't feel like mine at all.

それでもまだ状況が呑み込めなかった私は、ゆにに向かってこう叫んだ。%K%P
Still not grasping the situation, I swallowed hard and turned to Yuni, almost crying out.

こころ「ねえ！？　鏡持ってたわよねぇ！？」%K%P
Hey?! You had a mirror with you, right?!

ゆに「……鏡？」%K%P
...A mirror?

こころ「持ってるでしょう！？　ポケットに入ってるはずよ！」%K%P
You should have one, shouldn't you?! It should be in your pocket, right?!

ゆに「な、なんで知ってるの……？」%K%P
H, how did you know...?

こころ「いいから早く貸して！」%K%P
Never mind that, just hurry up and give it to me!

ドギマギとうろたえながら、ゆにが折りたたみ式の鏡を取り出す。%K%P
Still confused, Yuni quickly took out his folding mirror.

私はそれを素早く奪い取ると、鏡の奥をのぞき込んだ。%K%P
I quickly snatched it and stared at it intently.

こころ「嘘……」%K%P
No way...

こころ「どうして……」%K%P
Why...

私は愕然とした。%K%P
To say I was astonished would be a gross understatement.

そこに映し出されていたのは見知らぬ男性の顔だったのだ。%K%P
Reflected in the mirror was the face of an unfamiliar man.

こころ「こんなの私じゃない……」%K%P
This isn't me...

こころ「私じゃない私じゃない私じゃない私じゃない……」%K%P
It isn't me it isn't me it isn't me it isn't me...

失われた面影を求めて顔中を撫でまわす。%K%P
The inside of my head is spinning, mixed, shaken and blended by the confusion overwhelming me. I need to see my face!

その動きにあわせて男の相貌もぐにゃぐにゃと歪んだ。%K%P
My movements, disfigured and distorted, are reflected almost perfectly on the face of the man in the mirror I'm holding.

こころ「何なのよ、これ……」%K%P
What... is this...?

こころ「どうして……なんでこんなことに……」%K%P
How... why did this happen...

鏡の中の男は気のふれた狂人のように目を剥いていた。%K%P
The eyes of the man in the mirror bulged like a lunatic's.

正視に耐えかねた私は乱暴に鏡を閉じると、壁に向かって思い切りそれを投げつけた。%K%P
He was looking straight into my eyes. I couldn't bear it anymore. I violently clamped the mirror shut and threw it against the wall with all the strength I had.

低くうめき声をあげながらうずくまる。%K%P
I fell to my knees, letting out a low moan.

神経は鈍化し、感覚は麻痺し、思考の一切は渾沌の底へとたたき込まれた。%K%P
My nerve endings had gone dull, senses numbing, all my thoughts thrown into the pits of chaos and assaulted by raging doubt and uncertainty.

あの男は誰……？%K%P
Who is that man...?

あの男が私……？%K%P
Am I that man...?

だとするなら私の知っている私はどこへ行ってしまったの……？%K%P
If that's me, then where did the 'me' I used to be go...?

私は誰なの……？　どっちが本当の私なの……？%K%P
Who am I...? My mind or my body, which one is the real me?

わからない……わからない……わからない……。%K%P
I don't know... I don't know... I don't know....

何かが狂っている。この世界は私の知っている世界ではない。%K%P
Something has gone horribly wrong. This world wasn't the world I knew anymore.

いま思えば、目覚めたときに感じた奇妙な違和感もきっとそのせいだったのだろう。%K%P
Now that I think about it, ever since I woke up, I'd been feeling a strange, uneasy sense of, for lack of a better word, "incompatibility." Now I finally knew the reason why.

異分子として紛れ込んだ私を世界が拒絶しようとしているのだ。%K%P
It felt as if the world was starting to reject me, and slowly, I began to disappear.

圧倒的な孤独感、疎外感にさいなまれ、自分自身の存在がとても稀薄なもののように思えてくる。%K%P
Overwhelmed by loneliness and neglect, my own existence started to fade.

私は不安で不安でたまらなくなった。%K%P
Anxiety took over.

叫び出したいほどの恐怖に理性を失いかけていた。%K%P
Everything that I am was replaced by a fear which made me want to scream out in desperation.

こころ「助けて……」%K%P
Help...

こころ「誰か私を……助けて……」%K%P
Somebody... help me...

私の意識はそこで途絶えた。%K%P
I lost consciousness.