About a Boy (2002)

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HOST: Okay, you ready for this?

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CONTESTANT: As ever.
HOST: Let's do it.

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Let's play Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

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Who wrote the phrase ''No man is an island''?

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John Donne? John Milton?

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John F. Kennedy?

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Jon Bon Jovi?

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WILL: Jon Bon Jovi. Too easy.

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And, if I may say so,
a complete load of bollocks.

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In my opinion, all men are islands.

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And what's more, now's the time to be one.

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This is an island age.

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A hundred years ago,
you had to depend on other people.

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No one had TV or CDs or DVDs or videos...

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...or home espresso makers.

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Actually, they didn't have anything cool.

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Whereas now, you see...

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...you can make yourself a little island paradise.

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With the right supplies and the right attitude...

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...you can be sun-drenched, tropical, a magnet...

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...for young Swedish tourists.

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ANSWERING MACHINE: Hi, it's Kristina.
I haven't heard from you.

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I had a great time last weekend.
So give me a call, okay? 'Bye.

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WILL: And I like to think that perhaps
I am that kind of island.

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I like to think I'm pretty cool.

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I like to think I'm Ibiza.

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[Happy, light, instrumental rock music]

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MARCUS: There were people who had
a good time in life.

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I was beginning to realize I wasn't one of them.

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I just didn't fit.

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I didn't fit at my old school.

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I definitely didn't fit at my new one.

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I heard that some kids
got taught by their parents at home.

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Mum couldn't do that,
unless I paid her to teach me.

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Because it was just her and me.
And she went to work.

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She made £400 a week.

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Where was I gonna get
that kind of money from?

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Maybe if I was like that movie kid,
Haley Joel Osment...

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...I could pay her that much.

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But if that meant being
good at drama, forget it.

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I was crap at drama.

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'Cause I hated standing
up in front of people.

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So, basically, I had to go to school.

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[Light, upbeat instrumental piano music]

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[Music becomes livelier]

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[Car lock beep]

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WILL: The sad fact is that,
like any island dweller...

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...from time to time I had
to visit the mainland.

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CHRISTINE: This is Imogene.
You can hold her if you like.

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That's.... Well, okay.

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Yeah. Got her. Lovely.

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Yeah, she's delightful, isn't she?

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I know. Isn't she?

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To tell the truth,
I'm being crap with her.

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You better take her back.

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CHRISTINE: She could've been yours
if you got your act together.

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WILL: Just think of that, yeah.

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So, the place is looking really nice.

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JOHN: Barney, Barney, Barney.

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Say hello to Will, Barney.

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WILL: Here we go.
It's the Antichrist.

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Hello, Barney. How are you?

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-He's lovely.
-Yeah.

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And what about you, Will?
Any desire for a family of your own yet?

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WILL: I'd rather eat Barney's nappies.

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Not really. I'm sort of all right as I am.

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Please, Will.

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What does that mean? "Please" what?

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Look at yourself.

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You're 38 and you've never had a job...

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...or a relationship
that lasted longer than two months.

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I wouldn't exactly say you were okay.

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I mean, I would say you were a disaster.

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I mean, what is the point of your life?

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Bloody hell.

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You're right.
There's probably no point to my life...

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...but thank you for bringing it up.

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The reason we wanted you to come here today
was we wanted to ask you...

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...how would you like to be
Imogene's godfather?

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WILL: Seriously?
CHRISTINE: Seriously.

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Listen, I'm really, really touched.

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But you must be joking.

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I couldn't possibly think
of a worse godfather for Imogene.

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You know me.
I'll drop her at her christening.

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I'll forget her birthdays until her 18th,
when I'll take her out and get her drunk...

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...and possibly, let's face it,
you know, try and shag her.

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I mean, seriously, it's a very, very bad choice.

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We know, I just thought you had hidden depths.

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No. No. You've always had that wrong.

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I really am this shallow.

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[Soft guitar music]

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Here we are.

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You know you don't have to walk me
to school anymore now, Mum.

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I know the way now.

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But what if I like walking you to school?

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Right.

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Who are you?

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I'm me.

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And what are you not?

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A sheep.

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Right. And what does a sheep go?

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[Baaing like a sheep, laughing]

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[Kids chattering in background]

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Marcus?

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I love you.

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Look.

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I love you, too.

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[Soft guitar music]

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"I love you, Marcus!"

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[Kids repeat "I love you"]

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KID: "Love you!"

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Look at him!

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[Music becomes livelier]

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WILL: While I couldn't accept the offer...

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...to become their child's godfather...

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...I did allow them to set me up with Angie,
a rather beautiful coworker of Christine's.

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They had, however, being them,
neglected to tell me one thing.

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There's something you don't know about me.

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Yeah?

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Something exciting?

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[Angie giggles]

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I think so, yes.

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I have a 3-year-old boy.

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WILL: I wanted to throw the napkin on the floor,
push over the table and run.

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Brilliant. I love kids.

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Yeah. I like messing about with them.

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Doing kid things.

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I'd have been disappointed
if you didn't have a child.

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Why do you say that?

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WILL: God knows.

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Mainly because it sounded smooth and winning.

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Because I love kids so much. They're so lovely.

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WILL: What in God's name are you saying,
you idiot?

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She can't be buying this rubbish.

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But she did buy my rubbish.

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And for the next few weeks
I was suddenly Will the Good Guy.

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Her kid took to me,
mainly because on our first meeting...

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...I took him to the zoo
and held him upside down by his ankles.

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I wish relationships
with proper humans were that easy.

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You know, you are brilliant.

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WILL: I came to realize that with single mums...

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...particularly ones who'd been badly treated...

143
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...and eventually abandoned by the father
of their children, you became by comparison....

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You are a wonderful person.

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No, I'm not.

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WILL: But it was hard
to be wonderful all the time.

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Eventually I began to wonder whether
Angie was exactly what I was looking for.

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For instance, she was late for the new IMAX
movie because the babysitter hadn't turned up.

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ANGIE: I'm so sorry.
WILL: It's all right.

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WILL: That pissed me off.

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-You okay?
-Yes.

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WILL: And there were deeper problems.

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She couldn't stay at my place,
and she didn't have a DVD, or satellite or cable.

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So we were always stuck watching some crap
made-for-TV movie about a kid with leukemia.

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TV DOCTOR: I'm afraid there's nothing
we can do.

156
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TV MOTHER: God! No! Please, please, no!

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WILL: I was going to have to end it.

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But having been Will the Good Guy...

159
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...I didn't relish going back to my role of Will
the Unreliable, Emotionally-stunted Asshole.

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EX: I'm sorry?

161
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You're breaking up with me? You...

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...self-centered bastard.

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I can't believe I've wasted all this time with you!

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You useless, superficial loser.

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ANGIE: Will...

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WILL: Then something magical happened.

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I'm sorry.

168
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I'm not sure this is working out. It's not you.

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You've been great. It's me.

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Well, my situation with Louie and his dad.

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I'm not ready to launch into a relationship
with anybody new.

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Yeah.

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I'm so sorry.

174
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I think I understand.

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You're a wonderful man, Will.

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WILL: I'd never watched a woman
cry without feeling responsible before.

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She even wanted me to forgive her.
It felt amazing.

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Listen, you don't have anything
to feel sorry about. Really.

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WILL: So that was the end of Angie,
but the beginning of a whole new thing.

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Single mums.

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Why hadn't anyone told me about them before?

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Passionate sex, a lot of ego massage
and a guilt-free parting.

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There must be thousands, just waiting
for a nice guy to sleep with and break up with.

184
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Fabulous, sexy, gorgeous single mums.

185
00:11:03,982 --> 00:11:05,891
Can I have Cocoa Puffs?

186
00:11:05,984 --> 00:11:07,728
No, it's not Sunday.

187
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MARCUS: The crying had started again.
And it scared me...

188
00:11:12,408 --> 00:11:14,068
...'cause now it was in the mornings.

189
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She'd never done that before.

190
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I couldn't figure it out. Nobody was dead.

191
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She had a job as a music therapist,
which is kind of a teacher for sick kids.

192
00:11:27,256 --> 00:11:29,664
So there was enough money
for food and everything.

193
00:11:29,758 --> 00:11:31,466
Should I get my own breakfast?

194
00:11:31,552 --> 00:11:33,343
No, I'm doing it.

195
00:11:42,021 --> 00:11:45,022
So, you looking forward to school today?

196
00:11:45,107 --> 00:11:47,184
[Light, folk rock music]

197
00:11:48,486 --> 00:11:50,443
TEACHER: Today, you'll need to effect...

198
00:11:50,572 --> 00:11:53,489
...the decimal point when you multiply it by 10...

199
00:11:53,575 --> 00:11:55,863
...100 and 1000.

200
00:11:57,912 --> 00:12:00,747
[Sings] "Nothing to do but frown

201
00:12:01,124 --> 00:12:06,248
"Rainy days and Mondays always get me down"

202
00:12:10,925 --> 00:12:13,167
Thank you very much, Marcus.

203
00:12:13,261 --> 00:12:15,135
[Soft guitar music]

204
00:12:15,222 --> 00:12:17,095
[Kids laughing]

205
00:12:23,897 --> 00:12:25,356
Hi, Nicky. Hi, Mark.

206
00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:28,974
-Are you going to Computer Club later?
-I don't know. Marcus...

207
00:12:29,861 --> 00:12:32,149
Madonna! Go on, give us a song!

208
00:12:32,238 --> 00:12:33,732
You'd like that, wouldn't you?

209
00:12:33,823 --> 00:12:35,733
Spice Girls or something. Three of them.

210
00:12:35,826 --> 00:12:37,154
Yeah. Hey, Spice Girls.

211
00:12:40,914 --> 00:12:42,871
You made me lose my football.

212
00:12:44,084 --> 00:12:48,296
Marcus, we don't really want you
hanging around with us anymore.

213
00:12:48,631 --> 00:12:50,872
-Why not?
-Well, it's because of them.

214
00:12:50,966 --> 00:12:53,254
-They've got nothing to do with me.
-Yes, they do.

215
00:12:53,343 --> 00:12:56,842
We never had trouble with them
before we started hanging out with you.

216
00:12:56,930 --> 00:12:59,303
Now we get it every single day.

217
00:12:59,599 --> 00:13:01,925
Besides, everyone thinks you're weird.

218
00:13:02,019 --> 00:13:03,763
Only a bit, though.

219
00:13:06,148 --> 00:13:07,393
Okay.

220
00:13:10,152 --> 00:13:11,267
'Bye.

221
00:13:18,076 --> 00:13:19,239
MARCUS: There you have it.

222
00:13:19,536 --> 00:13:23,616
I was having a shit time at home
and a shit time at school.

223
00:13:27,336 --> 00:13:30,253
Will: It was fine deciding
single mums were the future...

224
00:13:30,339 --> 00:13:33,340
...but the frustrating truth was
I didn't have their numbers.

225
00:13:33,425 --> 00:13:35,632
-Hi, Dad.
-Hey.

226
00:13:38,723 --> 00:13:40,549
WILL: Where did they hang out?

227
00:13:45,855 --> 00:13:48,346
[Bold, funk instrumental music]

228
00:14:02,831 --> 00:14:05,582
WILL: I'm a single father,
I have a 2-year-old boy.

229
00:14:05,667 --> 00:14:07,873
I'm a single father, I have a 2-year-old boy.

230
00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:10,203
I'm a single father, I have a 2-year-old boy.

231
00:14:10,296 --> 00:14:13,048
I'm a single father, I have a 2-year-old boy.

232
00:14:13,758 --> 00:14:14,789
WILL: SPAT.

233
00:14:15,010 --> 00:14:16,338
This was exciting.

234
00:14:16,428 --> 00:14:19,179
A potential gold mine of single mums.

235
00:14:19,264 --> 00:14:22,348
I could see the beautiful creatures now,
getting roaring drunk...

236
00:14:22,434 --> 00:14:25,388
...forgetting their troubles,
ready to rock and roll.

237
00:14:25,478 --> 00:14:27,886
MOIRA: That was when
I was 7 months pregnant.

238
00:14:27,981 --> 00:14:32,358
By the time I had the baby,
he was in Majorca with another woman.

239
00:14:33,278 --> 00:14:36,860
Not even the one
he cheated on me with the first time.

240
00:14:37,365 --> 00:14:40,817
Well, with me, it was the week before the birth.

241
00:14:41,995 --> 00:14:44,035
He said I'd got too fat.

242
00:14:45,582 --> 00:14:47,990
Mine was shagging his secretary.

243
00:14:48,627 --> 00:14:50,169
Such a cliché.

244
00:14:50,587 --> 00:14:53,504
WILL: I'll tell you one thing:
Men are bastards.

245
00:14:53,798 --> 00:14:54,913
After about 10 minutes...

246
00:14:55,008 --> 00:14:58,294
...I wanted to cut my own penis off
with a kitchen knife.

247
00:15:01,389 --> 00:15:02,468
Me.

248
00:15:02,557 --> 00:15:03,423
Yes.

249
00:15:05,477 --> 00:15:07,600
I have a 2-year-old. Ned.

250
00:15:11,691 --> 00:15:14,811
He's got blue eyes
and sort of sandy-colored hair...

251
00:15:14,903 --> 00:15:17,110
...and he's about 2'3''.

252
00:15:18,741 --> 00:15:20,532
And his mum left.

253
00:15:21,076 --> 00:15:23,697
-Really?
-Yeah.

254
00:15:24,329 --> 00:15:27,663
Yeah, I mean,
obviously it was a very big shock...

255
00:15:27,959 --> 00:15:30,366
...because we were so happy, you know?

256
00:15:30,461 --> 00:15:34,044
Sandra's neurology practice
was just up and running...

257
00:15:34,715 --> 00:15:39,258
...and then one day her bags were packed,
and my best friend was waiting outside...

258
00:15:39,345 --> 00:15:40,803
...in his Ferrari.

259
00:15:40,888 --> 00:15:42,596
Yeah. You know, the Modena?

260
00:15:42,681 --> 00:15:47,759
The one with the supercharged engine,
where you can see it through the back window?

261
00:15:49,105 --> 00:15:52,355
-You got dumped then?
-Yeah.

262
00:15:56,696 --> 00:15:59,447
SUZIE: May I ask, does your ex see Ned at all?

263
00:16:01,742 --> 00:16:03,984
Sorry, I didn't catch your name.

264
00:16:04,454 --> 00:16:05,402
Suzie.

265
00:16:05,747 --> 00:16:06,945
Suzie.

266
00:16:07,540 --> 00:16:09,996
She doesn't see much of him, no.

267
00:16:10,376 --> 00:16:12,534
How does he cope with that?

268
00:16:12,795 --> 00:16:14,455
He's a very good little boy.

269
00:16:14,547 --> 00:16:16,788
Very, very brave.

270
00:16:16,882 --> 00:16:19,208
They've got amazing resources, don't they?

271
00:16:19,302 --> 00:16:21,923
Just the other day I was thinking about my ex.

272
00:16:22,013 --> 00:16:26,591
He came crawling up, put his little pudgy arms
around my neck, and he said:

273
00:16:26,810 --> 00:16:28,719
"You hang in there, Dad."

274
00:16:29,228 --> 00:16:31,637
God, that's amazing for a 2-year-old!

275
00:16:32,816 --> 00:16:34,013
Is it?

276
00:16:34,108 --> 00:16:35,982
[Affirmative sounds]

277
00:16:36,569 --> 00:16:39,487
Yeah, he's very special. Very, very special.

278
00:16:39,572 --> 00:16:42,527
Sometimes I think, you know,
he's the one taking care of me.

279
00:16:42,617 --> 00:16:45,155
Teaching me the ways of the world.

280
00:16:47,413 --> 00:16:48,742
Sorry.

281
00:16:53,003 --> 00:16:53,916
Thank you.

282
00:16:54,004 --> 00:16:57,124
WILL: My God, what a performance!
I was even fooling myself.

283
00:16:57,215 --> 00:16:59,920
[Light, funky instrumental music]

284
00:17:02,888 --> 00:17:05,177
There you go. You okay?

285
00:17:05,266 --> 00:17:06,641
Yeah. Perfect, thanks.

286
00:17:06,725 --> 00:17:08,220
-Trust me?
-Of course.

287
00:17:08,310 --> 00:17:11,015
WILL: By the end of the evening,
I had a date lined up.

288
00:17:11,105 --> 00:17:13,097
ALL: Single parents alone together!

289
00:17:13,189 --> 00:17:17,520
Single parents alone together!
All for one and one for all!

290
00:17:19,780 --> 00:17:23,860
WILL: The problem was I also had
an imaginary 2-year-old son.

291
00:17:54,648 --> 00:17:58,728
The date was a SPATpicnic in Regent's Park,
with everyone bringing their kids.

292
00:17:59,278 --> 00:18:00,689
Sadly, Ned couldn't be there.

293
00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:03,449
His mum had come
and picked him up at the last second.

294
00:18:03,532 --> 00:18:05,157
-What a shame.
-Yeah.

295
00:18:05,242 --> 00:18:06,440
I'm sorry.

296
00:18:06,535 --> 00:18:09,869
-Got it.
-This is Megan, by the way.

297
00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:11,498
Hello, Megan.

298
00:18:11,582 --> 00:18:12,447
Yeah.

299
00:18:12,541 --> 00:18:14,950
A friend of mine from SPAT
isn't feeling so great...

300
00:18:15,044 --> 00:18:17,749
...so I said that we'd take her kid
to the picnic, too.

301
00:18:17,839 --> 00:18:19,961
-Is that all right?
-Yeah.

302
00:18:20,049 --> 00:18:22,457
The more the merrier. Right.

303
00:18:22,552 --> 00:18:24,344
Come on, slowcoach!

304
00:18:27,765 --> 00:18:29,307
MARCUS: I hated that SPATlot.

305
00:18:29,392 --> 00:18:34,767
Mum's friend Suzie was fine, but now there
was that wally who wanted to get off with her.

306
00:18:34,856 --> 00:18:36,765
Marcus, Will. Will, Marcus.

307
00:18:37,191 --> 00:18:38,520
Hi there.

308
00:18:40,111 --> 00:18:41,106
Right.

309
00:18:41,195 --> 00:18:46,237
Pile in, everyone.
Look what a mess Ned made of the car seat.

310
00:18:47,952 --> 00:18:49,780
What a shame he can't come.

311
00:18:50,205 --> 00:18:51,996
So, what do you do?

312
00:18:52,791 --> 00:18:53,704
Me?

313
00:18:54,959 --> 00:18:58,494
WILL: There were too many lies
to keep track of so I told the truth.

314
00:18:58,588 --> 00:19:02,040
-Nothing.
-Well, before then.

315
00:19:02,717 --> 00:19:05,504
-What do you mean, before I did nothing?
-Yeah.

316
00:19:05,637 --> 00:19:07,511
I did nothing.

317
00:19:08,140 --> 00:19:10,595
You've never worked?

318
00:19:10,767 --> 00:19:15,394
I've done the odd day here and there, but, no.

319
00:19:16,857 --> 00:19:18,434
Crazy, isn't it?

320
00:19:18,817 --> 00:19:19,813
It's...

321
00:19:24,197 --> 00:19:25,228
Brilliant.

322
00:19:26,617 --> 00:19:29,322
WILL: My God, I was going to have to tell her.

323
00:19:29,411 --> 00:19:34,204
What happened, in fact,
was that my dad wrote a song...

324
00:19:34,291 --> 00:19:38,206
...in 1958, and it's quite a famous song...

325
00:19:38,295 --> 00:19:41,665
...and I basically live off the royalties of that.

326
00:19:41,757 --> 00:19:43,133
You know Michael Jackson?

327
00:19:43,217 --> 00:19:45,090
He makes a £1,000,000 a minute.

328
00:19:45,177 --> 00:19:47,419
That's £60,000,000 an hour.

329
00:19:47,513 --> 00:19:49,305
I don't make a £1,000,000 a minute.

330
00:19:49,390 --> 00:19:51,216
-Nothing like, sadly.
-How much then?

331
00:19:51,308 --> 00:19:52,471
Marcus!

332
00:19:52,559 --> 00:19:56,510
WILL: I was beginning to wonder
if we'd be stuck with this weird kid all day.

333
00:19:56,606 --> 00:19:58,728
So, what's this song then?

334
00:19:59,483 --> 00:20:02,568
If you can live off it, we must've heard of it.

335
00:20:02,904 --> 00:20:05,145
It's Santa's Super Sleigh.

336
00:20:05,239 --> 00:20:07,481
WILL: God, please don't sing it.

337
00:20:07,699 --> 00:20:13,121
[Sings] "Look who's coming round the bend
It's Santa and his reindeer friends

338
00:20:13,206 --> 00:20:18,034
"With a ho, ho, ho and a hey, hey, hey,
It's Santa's super sleigh"

339
00:20:19,003 --> 00:20:21,329
I expect people do that all the time.

340
00:20:21,839 --> 00:20:24,165
No, I think you two are the first.

341
00:20:24,259 --> 00:20:28,173
Sorry. I don't understand.
How does that make you money?

342
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:30,719
Do carol singers have to pay you 10 percent?

343
00:20:30,806 --> 00:20:34,306
They should, but you can't
always catch the little bastards.

344
00:20:34,394 --> 00:20:37,561
So, how often do you look after him?
Marcus.

345
00:20:37,647 --> 00:20:39,770
Every once in a while.

346
00:20:40,567 --> 00:20:42,855
His mum's a little off-color sometimes.

347
00:20:42,944 --> 00:20:45,400
MARCUS: You call it off-color, I call it nuts.

348
00:20:45,530 --> 00:20:48,946
She's not nuts, Marcus.
She just needs a weekend taking it easy.

349
00:20:49,033 --> 00:20:52,901
We'll have a nice picnic, and when
you get home, she'll be all rested up.

350
00:20:52,996 --> 00:20:55,867
My God! What the hell is that?

351
00:20:55,957 --> 00:20:57,701
My mum's homemade bread.

352
00:20:59,585 --> 00:21:01,792
It looks pretty good.

353
00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:04,002
No, it isn't. It's healthy.

354
00:21:05,300 --> 00:21:08,254
[Ducks quacking:
light, cheerful instrumental music]

355
00:21:43,130 --> 00:21:45,169
You miss him, don't you?

356
00:21:47,092 --> 00:21:47,957
Who?

357
00:21:50,304 --> 00:21:51,335
Ned!

358
00:21:52,139 --> 00:21:53,170
Yeah.

359
00:21:53,891 --> 00:21:56,097
Yeah, very much.

360
00:21:56,185 --> 00:21:57,928
He'd have loved this.

361
00:22:00,731 --> 00:22:02,640
I think I killed a duck.

362
00:22:06,278 --> 00:22:08,235
MARCUS: I was only trying to feed it.

363
00:22:08,990 --> 00:22:11,397
WILL: What's that floating
in the water next to it?

364
00:22:11,492 --> 00:22:13,449
Is that your mum's bread?

365
00:22:13,661 --> 00:22:17,160
You didn't have to throw the whole loaf.
That would've killed me.

366
00:22:17,874 --> 00:22:21,207
You the one who was throwing
bloody great loaves at the ducks?

367
00:22:21,376 --> 00:22:24,295
Yeah, he was, but I've stopped him now.

368
00:22:24,381 --> 00:22:26,788
You know, boys will be boys, and all that.

369
00:22:26,883 --> 00:22:27,878
So he killed it.

370
00:22:27,967 --> 00:22:31,051
No. Sorry, I misunderstood you.
The duck was dead already.

371
00:22:31,137 --> 00:22:33,924
He was throwing bread
to try and sink the body...

372
00:22:34,015 --> 00:22:36,506
...because Megan here was getting upset.

373
00:22:39,103 --> 00:22:42,223
Marcus wouldn't kill a duck.
Would you, Marcus?

374
00:22:42,315 --> 00:22:46,182
No. I love ducks. They're my
second favorite animal after dolphins.

375
00:22:46,277 --> 00:22:49,029
They can kill sharks with their noses.

376
00:22:51,408 --> 00:22:53,815
I'll have to wade in and get it.

377
00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:57,280
Listen, I hope it's not some sort of epidemic.

378
00:22:58,707 --> 00:23:01,661
I think we beat the rap there, mate.

379
00:23:02,376 --> 00:23:04,084
Yeah. Well.

380
00:23:06,798 --> 00:23:08,043
FIONA: Marcus?

381
00:23:13,555 --> 00:23:14,669
Mum.

382
00:23:25,109 --> 00:23:29,438
MARCUS: That day, the Dead Duck Day,
was when it all began.

383
00:23:30,197 --> 00:23:34,443
That bloke Will just followed us in
and I didn't tell him not to.

384
00:23:34,618 --> 00:23:38,864
Afterwards, I realized that there was no way
I could have been nervous just then...

385
00:23:38,955 --> 00:23:42,906
...because just then I didn't know
there was anything to be nervous about.

386
00:23:43,002 --> 00:23:45,956
But then I put the key in the lock,
opened the door....

387
00:23:46,046 --> 00:23:47,244
SUZIE: Are you decent?

388
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:50,331
MARCUS: And a new part of my life started.

389
00:23:50,426 --> 00:23:51,588
Bang!

390
00:23:51,677 --> 00:23:53,551
[Dramatic music]

391
00:23:56,056 --> 00:23:57,301
[Baby crying]

392
00:23:57,391 --> 00:23:58,885
Jesus Christ.

393
00:23:59,059 --> 00:24:00,056
SUZIE: Oh, my God.

394
00:24:00,895 --> 00:24:03,979
-Will, call an ambulance.
-Marcus, where's the phone?

395
00:24:05,023 --> 00:24:07,266
Where's the phone, mate?

396
00:24:08,569 --> 00:24:10,645
[Ambulance siren wails]

397
00:24:17,995 --> 00:24:20,700
[Soft, dramatic instrumental music]

398
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:25,999
WILL: It was horrible. Horrible.

399
00:24:26,712 --> 00:24:30,046
But driving fast behind the ambulance
was fantastic.

400
00:24:30,883 --> 00:24:31,915
SUZIE: She's conscious.

401
00:24:32,218 --> 00:24:34,175
She was okay in the ambulance.

402
00:24:34,262 --> 00:24:35,756
She was asking after you, Marcus.

403
00:24:35,847 --> 00:24:37,638
That's nice of her.

404
00:24:38,766 --> 00:24:42,551
Listen, you know this has
nothing to do with you, don't you?

405
00:24:43,145 --> 00:24:45,815
I mean, you're not the reason that she...

406
00:24:46,148 --> 00:24:49,933
You're not the reason that she's here.
Isn't that right, Will?

407
00:24:52,447 --> 00:24:54,689
Yeah, that's right.

408
00:24:56,243 --> 00:24:58,033
I'll go get you some water.

409
00:24:58,244 --> 00:25:01,280
-I can get that.
-No, you're okay.

410
00:25:01,372 --> 00:25:03,449
[Phone rings in background]

411
00:25:09,005 --> 00:25:10,832
Your mum's going to be okay.

412
00:25:10,924 --> 00:25:12,299
Yeah, I suppose.

413
00:25:12,926 --> 00:25:15,547
That's not the point, though, is it?

414
00:25:15,637 --> 00:25:18,722
Right, you mean you're afraid
she might try again?

415
00:25:18,807 --> 00:25:20,716
Just shut up, all right?

416
00:25:22,519 --> 00:25:24,642
There you go, warm and flat.

417
00:25:24,855 --> 00:25:26,349
Are you with Fiona Brewer?

418
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:27,851
Yes, I'm her friend Suzie.

419
00:25:27,941 --> 00:25:30,728
This is Marcus and Will.

420
00:25:30,819 --> 00:25:33,488
She's recovering well,
but we'll keep her overnight.

421
00:25:33,572 --> 00:25:38,483
I'm going to get a consent form for Ms. Brewer
so the boy can stay with you two tonight.

422
00:25:38,744 --> 00:25:39,942
Right.

423
00:25:42,497 --> 00:25:44,656
So, my place or yours?

424
00:25:45,166 --> 00:25:46,330
Sorry.

425
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:49,995
[Soft, slow guitar music]

426
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:00,719
Okay.

427
00:26:00,808 --> 00:26:03,477
-I should get back to Ned, I think.
-I'll take that.

428
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:04,888
All right.

429
00:26:04,978 --> 00:26:07,055
WILL: All in all, this was very interesting.

430
00:26:07,148 --> 00:26:09,270
So I'll call.

431
00:26:09,358 --> 00:26:11,849
WILL: But I wouldn't want to do it every night.

432
00:26:11,944 --> 00:26:13,023
See you soon.

433
00:26:13,112 --> 00:26:16,196
WILL: The thing is,
a person's life is like a TVshow.

434
00:26:16,324 --> 00:26:18,648
I was the star of The Will Show.

435
00:26:18,784 --> 00:26:21,951
And The Will Show wasn't an ensemble drama.

436
00:26:22,121 --> 00:26:24,659
Guests came and went, but I was the regular.

437
00:26:24,748 --> 00:26:27,157
It came down to me, and me alone.

438
00:26:27,584 --> 00:26:30,585
If Marcus' mum
couldn't manage her own show...

439
00:26:30,671 --> 00:26:34,716
...if her ratings were falling,
it was sad, but that was her problem.

440
00:26:34,884 --> 00:26:39,961
Ultimately, the whole single-mum plot line
was a bit complicated for me.

441
00:26:46,228 --> 00:26:48,518
[Sad, soft-rock folk song]

442
00:28:12,691 --> 00:28:15,645
I got the letter. Thanks.

443
00:28:18,697 --> 00:28:21,817
Oh, my God. I'd forgotten.

444
00:28:23,035 --> 00:28:24,410
You forgot?

445
00:28:24,494 --> 00:28:26,119
You forgot a suicide letter?

446
00:28:26,205 --> 00:28:29,656
I didn't think I'd have to remember it, did l?

447
00:28:33,879 --> 00:28:36,880
Did you read the part
where I said I'd always love you?

448
00:28:36,966 --> 00:28:40,050
It's a bit hard for you
to love me when you're dead, isn't it?

449
00:28:40,136 --> 00:28:41,511
I'm sorry.

450
00:28:48,852 --> 00:28:52,898
I can understand why you're angry, Marcus.

451
00:28:58,321 --> 00:29:01,690
I don't feel the same as I did yesterday,
if that's any help.

452
00:29:01,783 --> 00:29:02,731
What?

453
00:29:03,201 --> 00:29:05,028
It's all just gone away? All that?

454
00:29:05,536 --> 00:29:06,568
No, but...

455
00:29:07,914 --> 00:29:11,164
...at the moment, I feel better.

456
00:29:11,500 --> 00:29:13,410
"At the moment" is no good to me.

457
00:29:13,503 --> 00:29:17,204
I can see you feel better at the moment.
You just put the kettle on.

458
00:29:17,299 --> 00:29:21,379
But what happens when you finish your tea?
What happens when I go back to school?

459
00:29:21,469 --> 00:29:24,969
-I can't be here to watch you all the time.
-I know.

460
00:29:26,266 --> 00:29:30,133
We have to look after each other. The two of us.

461
00:29:31,063 --> 00:29:34,894
MARCUS: Suddenly I realized
two people isn't enough.

462
00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:36,645
You need a backup.

463
00:29:36,735 --> 00:29:39,985
If you're only two people,
and someone drops off the edge...

464
00:29:40,072 --> 00:29:41,649
...then you're on your own.

465
00:29:41,740 --> 00:29:43,447
Two isn't a large enough number.

466
00:29:43,533 --> 00:29:45,490
You need three, at least.

467
00:29:45,869 --> 00:29:48,538
-Three what?
-Nothing.

468
00:29:49,081 --> 00:29:50,824
MARCUS: But I'd had a great idea.

469
00:29:51,959 --> 00:29:55,541
WILL: The important thing in island living
is to be your own activities director.

470
00:29:55,628 --> 00:29:58,381
I find the key is to think of a day
as units of time...

471
00:29:58,465 --> 00:30:01,881
...each unit consisting
of no more than 30 minutes.

472
00:30:01,968 --> 00:30:04,341
Full hours can be a little bit intimidating...

473
00:30:04,430 --> 00:30:06,885
...and most activities take about half an hour.

474
00:30:06,974 --> 00:30:08,717
Taking a bath: One unit.

475
00:30:09,309 --> 00:30:10,685
Watching Countdown:

476
00:30:10,769 --> 00:30:12,145
Okay....

477
00:30:12,479 --> 00:30:13,559
WILL: One unit.

478
00:30:14,523 --> 00:30:16,563
Web-based research:

479
00:30:18,236 --> 00:30:19,231
Two units.

480
00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:22,819
Exercising: Three units.

481
00:30:23,699 --> 00:30:26,486
Having my hair carefully disheveled: Four units.

482
00:30:26,577 --> 00:30:28,736
It's amazing how the day fills up.

483
00:30:28,830 --> 00:30:30,952
I often wonder, to be absolutely honest...

484
00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:33,709
...if I'd ever really have time for a job.

485
00:30:34,627 --> 00:30:36,666
How do people cram them in?

486
00:30:36,753 --> 00:30:38,627
[Cell phone rings]

487
00:30:42,051 --> 00:30:43,426
Yeah, Will here.

488
00:30:43,719 --> 00:30:45,842
MARCUS: It's Marcus.
WILL: Pardon?

489
00:30:46,013 --> 00:30:47,258
It's Marcus.

490
00:30:47,347 --> 00:30:48,511
WILL: Marcus?

491
00:30:49,183 --> 00:30:51,591
Marcus. Hi.

492
00:30:52,645 --> 00:30:54,472
How'd you get my number?

493
00:30:54,689 --> 00:30:55,638
From Suzie.

494
00:30:55,732 --> 00:30:58,649
I thought you'd like to take me out for the day
on Saturday.

495
00:30:58,735 --> 00:31:00,609
And why did you think that, Marcus?

496
00:31:00,695 --> 00:31:02,402
Suzie said we hit it off.

497
00:31:02,488 --> 00:31:04,279
WILL: Did she?
MARCUS: Yeah.

498
00:31:04,407 --> 00:31:07,324
-And you said, "See you soon."
-I said what?

499
00:31:07,410 --> 00:31:08,442
MARCUS: ''See you soon.''

500
00:31:08,536 --> 00:31:12,285
The night you dropped us off. Remember?
You said, "See you soon."

501
00:31:12,457 --> 00:31:16,406
This is soon, all right, Marcus.

502
00:31:16,669 --> 00:31:19,955
The thing is, mate,
my life is kind of hectic at the moment.

503
00:31:20,048 --> 00:31:22,124
Why? I thought you did nothing.

504
00:31:23,218 --> 00:31:27,167
I've got Ned and stuff to look after.

505
00:31:27,555 --> 00:31:31,055
Matter of fact, I should be on the way
to preschool right now.

506
00:31:31,143 --> 00:31:32,388
What's that noise?

507
00:31:32,477 --> 00:31:34,019
That's a lawn mower.

508
00:31:34,104 --> 00:31:36,891
So, you know, just time-wise it's not....

509
00:31:38,483 --> 00:31:41,650
Tell you what, just hold the line one sec.

510
00:31:41,737 --> 00:31:43,563
Hold on, one sec. Thanks.

511
00:31:43,655 --> 00:31:45,695
WILL: But then I thought, ''Why not?''

512
00:31:45,782 --> 00:31:48,534
Why shouldn't I take
the poor little sod out for a meal?

513
00:31:48,618 --> 00:31:51,904
I could be Uncle Will.
Cool Uncle Will, King of the Kids.

514
00:31:53,540 --> 00:31:55,533
Okay, Marcus. You're on.

515
00:31:55,625 --> 00:31:57,618
I'll come if you take my mum, too.

516
00:31:57,711 --> 00:32:01,708
She has no money, so we'll have to go
somewhere cheap or you'll have to treat us.

517
00:32:01,798 --> 00:32:04,206
Listen, don't beat about the bush, Marcus.

518
00:32:04,301 --> 00:32:07,302
Why should l? We're poor.
You're rich. You pay.

519
00:32:07,388 --> 00:32:09,215
Bring your little boy, I don't mind.

520
00:32:09,305 --> 00:32:10,635
That's really big of you.

521
00:32:10,725 --> 00:32:12,847
Fine. Come round at 12:30 or something.

522
00:32:12,935 --> 00:32:14,179
Remember where we live?

523
00:32:14,269 --> 00:32:18,598
Flat 2, 31 Craysfield Road,
Islington, London, N12SF.

524
00:32:18,690 --> 00:32:20,268
England, the world, the universe.

525
00:32:20,359 --> 00:32:22,980
MARCUS: Yeah.
WILL: Marcus?

526
00:32:28,033 --> 00:32:31,283
So, Fiona, how are you?

527
00:32:32,663 --> 00:32:37,241
-I mean, how are you feeling?
-My stomach's fine.

528
00:32:38,335 --> 00:32:39,534
Great.

529
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:43,501
I must still be a bit barmy, though.

530
00:32:43,591 --> 00:32:46,711
This kind of thing doesn't go away overnight,
does it?

531
00:32:47,678 --> 00:32:48,710
No.

532
00:32:51,307 --> 00:32:55,435
MARCUS: If Mum was going to get Will to marry
her, she'd have to quit making jokes.

533
00:32:55,519 --> 00:32:56,634
At least she looked good.

534
00:32:56,729 --> 00:32:58,437
I had her put on that nice hairy jumper...

535
00:32:58,522 --> 00:33:01,559
...and the earrings she got from her friend
that went to Zimbabwe.

536
00:33:01,651 --> 00:33:03,939
WILL: The kid seemed to think
this was a date.

537
00:33:04,028 --> 00:33:06,317
As for his mum, she was clearly insane...

538
00:33:06,406 --> 00:33:09,572
...and appeared to be wearing
some kind of Yeti costume.

539
00:33:09,659 --> 00:33:12,862
This had better be quick.
We were definitely not ordering starters.

540
00:33:12,954 --> 00:33:14,578
I'll start with the artichoke, please.

541
00:33:14,663 --> 00:33:17,783
Then I'll have a mushroom omelet with fries
and a Coke.

542
00:33:17,875 --> 00:33:20,876
-I'll have the vegetable platter.
-We're vegetarians.

543
00:33:21,170 --> 00:33:22,201
I'd never have guessed.

544
00:33:22,296 --> 00:33:24,669
Steak sandwich, please, mate. Thanks.

545
00:33:28,553 --> 00:33:30,510
MARCUS: This was going really well.

546
00:33:30,597 --> 00:33:34,641
I wondered if we were going to move into
Will's place or move into someplace new.

547
00:33:36,811 --> 00:33:41,058
[Sings] "I heard he sang a good song

548
00:33:41,733 --> 00:33:44,734
"I heard he had a style"

549
00:33:46,405 --> 00:33:49,192
WILL: I knew, of course,
the song couldn't last forever...

550
00:33:49,283 --> 00:33:51,856
...that I'd soon be at home, tucked up in bed.

551
00:33:51,952 --> 00:33:54,442
I knew it, but I couldn't feel it.

552
00:33:55,914 --> 00:33:59,199
[Sings] "And there he was, this young boy"

553
00:33:59,501 --> 00:34:02,704
WILL: I must've been insane.
All I'd wanted was a date with Suzie.

554
00:34:02,796 --> 00:34:04,255
This was my punishment.

555
00:34:04,339 --> 00:34:08,633
[Sings] "Strumming my pain with his fingers"

556
00:34:10,178 --> 00:34:12,930
WILL: The worst part was
when they closed their eyes.

557
00:34:13,140 --> 00:34:16,010
[Sings] "Killing me softly with his song

558
00:34:16,101 --> 00:34:17,928
"Killing me softly"

559
00:34:18,603 --> 00:34:20,311
Come sing with us, Will.

560
00:34:20,773 --> 00:34:23,346
I should really get going. Thanks.

561
00:34:24,985 --> 00:34:27,820
WILL: That's the problem with charity.
You must mean it.

562
00:34:27,904 --> 00:34:29,696
You have to mean things to help people.

563
00:34:29,782 --> 00:34:33,530
Like the time I volunteered
to help out at a soup kitchen...

564
00:34:33,618 --> 00:34:35,944
...and very nearly made it.

565
00:34:36,038 --> 00:34:38,078
Or the time at Amnesty International.

566
00:34:38,165 --> 00:34:42,033
Did you know in Burma you get seven years
in prison for telling jokes?

567
00:34:42,128 --> 00:34:45,663
Next time you laugh, think of Pa Pa Lay,
the Burmese standup comedian.

568
00:34:45,756 --> 00:34:48,792
We're at a crucial stage
in our struggle for human rights...

569
00:34:48,884 --> 00:34:51,720
...which have been grossly abused
by the ruling junta.

570
00:34:51,803 --> 00:34:53,381
We need your support more than ever.

571
00:34:53,472 --> 00:34:55,381
Together we can make a difference...

572
00:34:55,474 --> 00:34:58,760
You're kidding.
And what's your boyfriend say about that?

573
00:34:59,103 --> 00:35:02,354
Wait a minute.
You say you haven't got a boyfriend?

574
00:35:02,439 --> 00:35:05,013
Talk about human rights violations.

575
00:35:10,239 --> 00:35:12,813
Is that right? You're in the bath now?

576
00:35:14,118 --> 00:35:16,276
WILL: You have to mean things to help people.

577
00:35:16,370 --> 00:35:18,114
Fiona meant Killing Me Softly.

578
00:35:18,206 --> 00:35:22,784
Killing Me Softly meant something to her
and look where she ended up.

579
00:35:24,754 --> 00:35:28,834
Me, I didn't mean anything, about anything,
to anyone.

580
00:35:29,133 --> 00:35:32,833
I knew that guaranteed me
a long, depression-free life.

581
00:35:34,181 --> 00:35:36,469
[Stealth instrumental music]

582
00:36:02,125 --> 00:36:05,541
WILL: Yet over the next few days,
I did have a strange feeling.

583
00:36:05,629 --> 00:36:08,250
Like a presence lurking at the back of my mind.

584
00:36:08,340 --> 00:36:10,083
And I didn't like it.

585
00:36:20,602 --> 00:36:22,262
[Doorbell rings]

586
00:36:23,605 --> 00:36:25,894
You don't have a kid, do you?

587
00:36:27,234 --> 00:36:28,099
What?

588
00:36:28,193 --> 00:36:30,482
You don't have a kid, do you?

589
00:36:30,570 --> 00:36:32,610
Of course I do! What are you on about?

590
00:36:32,698 --> 00:36:33,777
No, you don't.

591
00:36:33,865 --> 00:36:37,151
I've been watching you,
and you don't have a kid.

592
00:36:38,620 --> 00:36:41,574
WILL: What is it to you, anyway?
MARCUS: Nothing.

593
00:36:41,832 --> 00:36:45,995
Except you've been lying to me,
my mum and my mum's friend.

594
00:36:46,670 --> 00:36:48,248
-Can I come in?
-No.

595
00:36:48,339 --> 00:36:49,453
Why?

596
00:36:49,548 --> 00:36:50,544
'Cause I'm busy.

597
00:36:50,758 --> 00:36:54,885
-What are you doing?
-I'm watching TV.

598
00:36:55,805 --> 00:36:58,212
I could watch it with you, if you like.

599
00:36:58,349 --> 00:36:59,677
That's very nice of you...

600
00:36:59,767 --> 00:37:02,009
...but I usually manage on my own, thanks.

601
00:37:04,939 --> 00:37:07,264
Don't you have homework to do, or something?

602
00:37:07,358 --> 00:37:09,315
-Want to help?
-No, that's not what I meant.

603
00:37:09,402 --> 00:37:11,560
I meant, why don't you go home
and do your homework?

604
00:37:11,653 --> 00:37:13,196
I'll do you a deal.

605
00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:17,575
I won't tell anyone you don't have a kid
if you go out with my mum.

606
00:37:21,789 --> 00:37:24,245
You'd want your mum
to go out with someone like me?

607
00:37:24,333 --> 00:37:25,792
MARCUS: You're not too bad.

608
00:37:25,877 --> 00:37:29,080
I mean, you told lies,
but apart from that you seem okay.

609
00:37:29,922 --> 00:37:32,628
And she's sad. I think she'd like a boyfriend.

610
00:37:33,968 --> 00:37:35,960
I can't just go out with someone...

611
00:37:36,053 --> 00:37:39,505
...because you want me to.
I'd have to like the person, as well.

612
00:37:39,599 --> 00:37:43,217
-What's wrong with her?
-Nothing's wrong with her, it's just the system.

613
00:37:43,311 --> 00:37:46,182
That's how it...
I'm not talking about this with you.

614
00:37:46,273 --> 00:37:47,553
Just go.

615
00:37:47,649 --> 00:37:49,557
Okay. But I'll be back.

616
00:37:49,650 --> 00:37:51,643
I'm really scared!

617
00:37:53,279 --> 00:37:57,028
WILL: That's the best I could come up with,
''I'm scared.''

618
00:37:57,283 --> 00:38:00,367
But as a matter of fact, I was.

619
00:38:00,453 --> 00:38:04,202
[Light tapping,
followed by heavy guitar music]

620
00:39:06,646 --> 00:39:08,140
Okay, that's it. Tim, goodbye.

621
00:39:08,439 --> 00:39:10,645
-Jill, goodbye. Carol, goodbye.
-Goodbye.

622
00:39:10,733 --> 00:39:14,600
And from me, arrivederci. Bye-bye.

623
00:39:14,695 --> 00:39:16,355
[Applause]

624
00:39:23,454 --> 00:39:25,327
Thanks. See you.

625
00:39:41,013 --> 00:39:43,967
HOST: Hello, everybody.
Welcome to the game of Countdown.

626
00:39:44,058 --> 00:39:47,178
You remember yesterday, Carol,
I revealed to a grateful nation...

627
00:39:47,270 --> 00:39:49,097
...that our guest, Tom O'Connell--

628
00:39:49,189 --> 00:39:52,143
CAROL: Yes.
HOST: He, like all of us, changes for each show.

629
00:39:52,234 --> 00:39:53,609
But he is such a--

630
00:39:57,238 --> 00:39:58,816
HOST 1: Is that right?
HOST 2: Yeah.

631
00:39:58,906 --> 00:40:02,110
Another term for Hosta, I think.

632
00:40:02,410 --> 00:40:03,406
HOST 1: Yes, well.

633
00:40:03,494 --> 00:40:07,788
Named after Heinrich Christian Funck,
who also invented disco dancing.

634
00:40:10,751 --> 00:40:13,124
Yes. I've got all his audios.

635
00:40:16,425 --> 00:40:18,713
[Chiming instrumental music]

636
00:40:51,168 --> 00:40:55,082
Mum, did you always know
I was going to be a vegetarian?

637
00:40:55,756 --> 00:40:57,036
Yeah, of course I did.

638
00:40:57,132 --> 00:41:00,715
I didn't decide on the spur of the moment
'cause we ran out of sausages.

639
00:41:00,803 --> 00:41:03,175
Did you ask me if I wanted to be a vegetarian?

640
00:41:03,264 --> 00:41:05,138
What, when you were born?

641
00:41:05,308 --> 00:41:07,549
I do the cooking and I don't want to cook meat.

642
00:41:07,643 --> 00:41:10,134
You have to eat what I eat.

643
00:41:11,397 --> 00:41:14,066
But you don't let me go to McDonald's, either.

644
00:41:14,566 --> 00:41:17,188
Is this premature teenage rebellion?

645
00:41:17,820 --> 00:41:20,109
I can't stop you from going to McDonald's.

646
00:41:20,198 --> 00:41:22,819
I'd just be disappointed if you did.

647
00:41:25,744 --> 00:41:29,030
MARCUS: Don't worry, Mum.
I won't go to McDonald's.

648
00:41:29,748 --> 00:41:31,408
[Savage yelling]

649
00:41:32,710 --> 00:41:37,123
MARCUS: After a few visits, Will seemed to think
he had to ask me serious questions.

650
00:41:37,215 --> 00:41:41,295
But I knew he really wanted to watch
Xena: Warrior Princess.

651
00:41:41,386 --> 00:41:43,260
So, how's it going at home then?

652
00:41:43,346 --> 00:41:46,051
-You mean my mum?
-Yeah.

653
00:41:46,473 --> 00:41:48,513
She's all right, thanks.

654
00:41:51,729 --> 00:41:54,184
I mean, you know, she's...

655
00:41:55,858 --> 00:41:59,607
Yeah, I know. No, nothing like that.

656
00:42:03,449 --> 00:42:05,573
Does it still bother you, then?

657
00:42:06,661 --> 00:42:08,120
Does it bother me?

658
00:42:08,204 --> 00:42:09,663
[Boom]

659
00:42:09,998 --> 00:42:11,575
SUZIE: [Distorted] Are you decent?

660
00:42:16,129 --> 00:42:17,837
MARCUS: Every single day.

661
00:42:18,048 --> 00:42:20,539
That's why I come here, instead of going home.

662
00:42:20,634 --> 00:42:23,303
A bit. When I think about it.

663
00:42:25,848 --> 00:42:27,590
Fucking hell.

664
00:42:28,308 --> 00:42:30,799
[Light, cheerful instrumental music]

665
00:42:30,894 --> 00:42:34,762
MARCUS: I don't know why he swore like that,
but it made me feel better.

666
00:42:35,690 --> 00:42:39,226
It made me feel like I wasn't being pathetic
to get so scared.

667
00:42:42,739 --> 00:42:45,693
WILL: I wouldn't make the mistake of asking
about Fiona again.

668
00:42:45,784 --> 00:42:47,575
Marcus was clearly screwed up about it...

669
00:42:47,661 --> 00:42:51,611
...and unfortunately I couldn't think
of anything to say that'd be of any value.

670
00:42:51,707 --> 00:42:54,280
Next time he could talk to Suzie,
or a counselor...

671
00:42:54,376 --> 00:42:57,496
...or anybody capable
of something more than an obscenity.

672
00:42:57,588 --> 00:42:59,794
Shit! It can't be.

673
00:42:59,881 --> 00:43:03,001
[Santa's Super Sleigh is heard
on the store intercom]

674
00:43:03,093 --> 00:43:05,217
WILL: November-the-sodding-19.

675
00:43:05,304 --> 00:43:09,468
Six weeks before Christmas
and already they were playing the bloody thing.

676
00:43:10,142 --> 00:43:11,305
Dad?

677
00:43:11,394 --> 00:43:13,053
[Mystical music]

678
00:43:19,109 --> 00:43:21,102
MARCUS: What was your dad like?

679
00:43:21,904 --> 00:43:23,399
WILL: A bit sad, really.

680
00:43:23,906 --> 00:43:27,524
You know, he wrote one crap song
that turned out to be a massive hit...

681
00:43:27,618 --> 00:43:31,402
...and then spent the rest of his life
trying to write a better one.

682
00:43:31,497 --> 00:43:33,454
Do you ever want to write songs like him?

683
00:43:33,541 --> 00:43:35,748
Is that what the guitar's for?

684
00:43:37,253 --> 00:43:38,332
No.

685
00:43:39,714 --> 00:43:42,204
So, that's just there to look cool.

686
00:43:42,884 --> 00:43:43,797
Yeah.

687
00:43:47,472 --> 00:43:49,796
I like Santa's Super Sleigh.

688
00:43:49,890 --> 00:43:52,595
[Marcus hums Santa's Super Sleigh]

689
00:44:02,695 --> 00:44:04,771
[Marcus stops humming]

690
00:44:06,824 --> 00:44:09,909
KID 1: Madonna! Come here!
KID 2: We've got something.

691
00:44:10,203 --> 00:44:12,610
KID 1: He's getting away, look!
KID 2: Hurry up!

692
00:44:12,705 --> 00:44:16,288
NARRATOR: On Pet Rescue today,
the clever stoat keeps everyone...

693
00:44:16,376 --> 00:44:18,664
...on their toes in Somerset.

694
00:44:18,753 --> 00:44:21,458
[Soft, feel-good instrumental music]

695
00:44:34,394 --> 00:44:36,682
[Doorbell rings frantically]

696
00:44:39,191 --> 00:44:41,266
[Kid's voices]

697
00:44:44,446 --> 00:44:45,821
Hey!

698
00:44:46,031 --> 00:44:47,988
WILL: What are you doing?
KID: Who are you?

699
00:44:48,075 --> 00:44:49,273
WILL: Who am I?

700
00:44:49,367 --> 00:44:53,579
Bugger off, that's who I am! Go on, piss off!

701
00:44:55,540 --> 00:44:57,118
Who were they, then?

702
00:44:57,209 --> 00:44:58,454
Who?

703
00:44:58,543 --> 00:44:59,622
What do you mean, "Who?"

704
00:44:59,711 --> 00:45:02,582
The ones
trying to embed sweets into your skull.

705
00:45:02,672 --> 00:45:03,752
Oh, them.

706
00:45:03,841 --> 00:45:07,755
They're just a couple of older kids.
They started following me after school.

707
00:45:07,845 --> 00:45:09,505
Does this happen often?

708
00:45:09,597 --> 00:45:12,301
They never chucked sweets before,
they just thought of that.

709
00:45:12,391 --> 00:45:15,926
I'm not talking about the sweets.
The kids trying to kill you.

710
00:45:16,020 --> 00:45:18,345
Yeah, they give me a hard time.

711
00:45:18,564 --> 00:45:22,064
You know, about my hair,
and my clothes and singing and stuff.

712
00:45:22,192 --> 00:45:23,652
And what? And singing?

713
00:45:25,113 --> 00:45:27,983
Sometimes I sing out loud without noticing.

714
00:45:28,741 --> 00:45:30,318
That's not a brilliant idea, is it?

715
00:45:30,409 --> 00:45:34,453
I said I did it without noticing, didn't l?
It just happens!

716
00:45:34,830 --> 00:45:38,579
I'm not going to do it on purpose, am l?
I'm not stupid, you know.

717
00:45:38,710 --> 00:45:42,873
My advice is to keep out of people's way.
Try to make yourself invisible.

718
00:45:42,964 --> 00:45:44,374
How can I be invisible?

719
00:45:44,465 --> 00:45:46,753
One machine in your kitchen
is an invisible machine?

720
00:45:46,842 --> 00:45:48,550
I don't think so.

721
00:45:50,763 --> 00:45:53,634
I just try not to think of it, that's all.

722
00:45:54,851 --> 00:45:58,302
It happens, and I wish it didn't,
but that's life, isn't it?

723
00:46:00,523 --> 00:46:03,061
There's nothing I can do about it.

724
00:46:03,151 --> 00:46:05,227
[Soft instrumental music]

725
00:46:06,487 --> 00:46:07,567
No.

726
00:46:09,448 --> 00:46:12,568
There is something we can do about it, Marcus.

727
00:46:13,328 --> 00:46:14,870
You're coming with me.

728
00:46:14,955 --> 00:46:18,572
MARCUS: I was worried he was going to take me
to the headmistress' office.

729
00:46:20,126 --> 00:46:22,000
But instead he took me shopping.

730
00:46:22,086 --> 00:46:23,331
I don't get it.

731
00:46:23,421 --> 00:46:25,081
We're starting with your feet.

732
00:46:25,173 --> 00:46:29,170
I can't make you invisible,
but I can make you blend in with the crowd.

733
00:46:30,011 --> 00:46:33,463
I don't know how to tie them.
They've got these funny strappy things.

734
00:46:33,556 --> 00:46:34,802
It's called Velcro.

735
00:46:34,892 --> 00:46:37,299
It's a revolutionary new technology.

736
00:46:40,021 --> 00:46:43,141
For Christ's sake. It's not hard.

737
00:46:45,444 --> 00:46:47,436
All right, wait a minute, it is a bit hard.

738
00:46:47,529 --> 00:46:50,483
-Everything all right?
-Yeah, thanks.

739
00:46:51,908 --> 00:46:54,661
Pretty trendy, your old man, isn't he?

740
00:46:58,206 --> 00:47:00,246
There. You think you look cool, don't you?

741
00:47:00,334 --> 00:47:01,496
Don't know.

742
00:47:01,668 --> 00:47:05,535
-Do you think I look cool?
-Yeah, Marcus.

743
00:47:06,590 --> 00:47:09,425
-I think you look cool.
-Yeah.

744
00:47:12,054 --> 00:47:15,304
That's it, you got the walk. That's really cool.

745
00:47:16,850 --> 00:47:20,054
Brilliant. High five. Yeah.

746
00:47:20,479 --> 00:47:23,646
WILL: I was suddenly hit by an extraordinary
rush of well-being.

747
00:47:23,732 --> 00:47:26,568
So this is what people meant by a natural high.

748
00:47:26,652 --> 00:47:28,894
And it only cost £60.

749
00:47:28,988 --> 00:47:31,989
I had made an unhappy boy temporarily happy.

750
00:47:32,158 --> 00:47:34,315
And there wasn't anything in it for me at all.

751
00:47:34,409 --> 00:47:36,486
I didn't even want to shag his mum.

752
00:47:37,663 --> 00:47:39,121
[Thunder]

753
00:47:40,415 --> 00:47:41,875
[Sobs]

754
00:47:47,757 --> 00:47:50,544
Marcus! What happened to your shoes?

755
00:47:50,760 --> 00:47:52,420
They stole them.

756
00:48:02,522 --> 00:48:04,515
Why would anyone want to steal your shoes?

757
00:48:04,607 --> 00:48:06,813
MARCUS: I could see I had to tell the truth.

758
00:48:06,901 --> 00:48:09,937
The problem was,
the truth would lead to a lot more questions.

759
00:48:10,029 --> 00:48:11,607
MARCUS: They were nice ones.

760
00:48:11,698 --> 00:48:14,069
They were just ordinary brown lace-ups.

761
00:48:14,158 --> 00:48:17,325
No, they weren't. They were cool new trainers.

762
00:48:17,495 --> 00:48:19,821
Where did you get cool new trainers?

763
00:48:19,914 --> 00:48:21,657
MARCUS: She had loads more questions.

764
00:48:21,749 --> 00:48:23,541
Will bought them for me.

765
00:48:25,169 --> 00:48:26,200
Will?

766
00:48:27,422 --> 00:48:30,043
-The guy who took us to lunch?
-Yeah.

767
00:48:30,384 --> 00:48:32,340
MARCUS: He's sort of become my friend.

768
00:48:32,927 --> 00:48:34,636
He's sort of become your friend?

769
00:48:34,721 --> 00:48:37,212
MARCUS: She kept repeating
the last thing I said.

770
00:48:37,307 --> 00:48:38,967
Except she shouted it.

771
00:48:39,267 --> 00:48:41,556
I go round to his place after school.

772
00:48:41,644 --> 00:48:44,313
You go round to his place after school!

773
00:48:44,397 --> 00:48:48,181
-You see, he doesn't really have a kid.
-He doesn't really have a kid?

774
00:48:48,276 --> 00:48:50,399
Can I play computer games now?

775
00:48:50,612 --> 00:48:51,692
Where does he live?

776
00:48:51,779 --> 00:48:54,615
He's not there at the moment.
He's out to dinner.

777
00:48:56,701 --> 00:48:59,702
WILL: Christine had asked me to dinner
for a pep talk.

778
00:48:59,788 --> 00:49:03,204
You will end up childless and alone.

779
00:49:03,292 --> 00:49:05,331
Both fingers crossed, yeah.

780
00:49:07,253 --> 00:49:08,748
You must have a lot of courage.

781
00:49:08,838 --> 00:49:10,831
Why is that, Christine?

782
00:49:11,509 --> 00:49:14,959
Most people need something in their lives
to keep them afloat...

783
00:49:15,053 --> 00:49:18,090
...and you have absolutely nothing.

784
00:49:18,849 --> 00:49:20,758
Doesn't that scare you?

785
00:49:21,477 --> 00:49:23,434
Do you know what you want?

786
00:49:25,022 --> 00:49:26,600
Yes, I do. I'll have the steak--

787
00:49:26,691 --> 00:49:30,225
What the hell are these little
after-school tea parties about?

788
00:49:30,736 --> 00:49:32,694
Hi. Sorry? What did you say?

789
00:49:32,780 --> 00:49:36,908
I was just wondering why a single,
childless man would want to hang out...

790
00:49:36,993 --> 00:49:39,483
...with a 12-year-old boy every day?

791
00:49:39,578 --> 00:49:42,615
You didn't tell your mum
that you've been coming round?

792
00:49:42,706 --> 00:49:45,114
-I think I forgot.
-Tell me what?

793
00:49:45,793 --> 00:49:47,620
What are you doing with my son?

794
00:49:47,712 --> 00:49:50,037
Wait a minute. What are you suggesting here?

795
00:49:50,130 --> 00:49:52,373
-I'm not suggesting anything.
-I think you are.

796
00:49:52,467 --> 00:49:56,049
You were suggesting that
I've been interfering with your son.

797
00:49:56,137 --> 00:50:00,597
I'm simply asking you
why you entertain 12-year-olds in your flat.

798
00:50:00,683 --> 00:50:03,173
-My God!
-Oh, my God!

799
00:50:04,103 --> 00:50:07,104
What do you have to say for yourself?

800
00:50:07,731 --> 00:50:08,895
Well?

801
00:50:08,983 --> 00:50:10,727
Don't "well" me!

802
00:50:10,818 --> 00:50:12,442
Don't "well" me about this!

803
00:50:12,528 --> 00:50:15,234
He comes over uninvited every night!
Do you know why?

804
00:50:15,322 --> 00:50:19,155
He's having the shit bullied out of him at school!
And you haven't got a clue.

805
00:50:19,243 --> 00:50:21,283
You send him out like a lamb to the slaughter!

806
00:50:21,371 --> 00:50:24,989
He's been taken to pieces every day of the week,
you daft, fucking hippie!

807
00:50:25,083 --> 00:50:27,787
I think you're being a bit melodramatic.
Marcus is fine.

808
00:50:27,877 --> 00:50:32,006
MARCUS: Strange. Will had it right, Mum didn't.
It should be the other way around.

809
00:50:32,089 --> 00:50:33,999
You haven't had much contact with kids.

810
00:50:34,092 --> 00:50:36,843
I used to be a bloody kid!
I went to a bloody school.

811
00:50:36,928 --> 00:50:40,379
I know when kids can't settle down
and when kids are miserable!

812
00:50:40,473 --> 00:50:44,092
Look at him, for Christ's sake!
Don't accuse me of being melodramatic.

813
00:50:44,185 --> 00:50:47,720
-This coming from a woman who tried to--
-Cowabunga!

814
00:50:48,898 --> 00:50:51,604
-What's the matter with you?
-Nothing.

815
00:50:51,777 --> 00:50:53,400
I just felt like a shout.

816
00:50:53,486 --> 00:50:54,767
Jesus, what a family.

817
00:50:54,862 --> 00:50:58,362
Will, you're disturbing the other customers.

818
00:50:58,450 --> 00:51:00,027
It's fine. I'm sorry. I'm done.

819
00:51:00,118 --> 00:51:02,691
-Okay, so, you're not...
-What?

820
00:51:03,580 --> 00:51:05,703
No, I'm not! No, I'm not.

821
00:51:06,375 --> 00:51:08,035
Listen, don't worry about it.

822
00:51:08,127 --> 00:51:10,332
I won't open the door to Marcus again, okay?

823
00:51:10,420 --> 00:51:12,793
I'll be glad to be rid of the pair of you, frankly.

824
00:51:12,881 --> 00:51:14,624
Go on. Bugger off.

825
00:51:17,136 --> 00:51:18,250
Sorry.

826
00:51:27,563 --> 00:51:29,057
So that's it, is it?

827
00:51:29,148 --> 00:51:31,935
You're just out of his life, like that.

828
00:51:32,109 --> 00:51:32,938
Excuse me?

829
00:51:33,026 --> 00:51:35,268
Let's say you're right and I'm wrong.

830
00:51:35,362 --> 00:51:37,272
Let's say there's this whole world...

831
00:51:37,364 --> 00:51:40,863
...that I don't understand,
and somehow, miraculously, you do.

832
00:51:40,951 --> 00:51:43,074
What are you going to do about it?

833
00:51:43,162 --> 00:51:46,116
I'm not going to do anything.
He's none of my business.

834
00:51:46,207 --> 00:51:48,911
-You're a selfish bastard.
-That's what I tell him.

835
00:51:49,001 --> 00:51:52,619
-He always puts himself first.
-But I'm on my own.

836
00:51:53,005 --> 00:51:54,001
It's just me.

837
00:51:54,089 --> 00:51:56,842
I'm not putting myself first.
There's nobody else.

838
00:51:56,926 --> 00:51:57,957
Yes, there is!

839
00:51:58,052 --> 00:52:00,459
There's Marcus. You're involved now.

840
00:52:00,554 --> 00:52:02,761
He keeps coming around your bloody house.

841
00:52:02,849 --> 00:52:05,304
You've come into his life for a reason.

842
00:52:05,393 --> 00:52:07,017
You can't just shut him out.

843
00:52:07,103 --> 00:52:10,187
You can't shut life out.
''No man is an island."

844
00:52:10,273 --> 00:52:12,230
-She's right, you know.
-Yeah, she is.

845
00:52:12,316 --> 00:52:13,858
No, she's not! She's wrong!

846
00:52:13,942 --> 00:52:15,852
Some men are islands. I'm a bloody island!

847
00:52:15,945 --> 00:52:17,356
I'm bloody lbiza!

848
00:52:18,781 --> 00:52:20,821
What are you talking about?

849
00:52:21,575 --> 00:52:23,983
Do you want to come over for Christmas?

850
00:52:24,078 --> 00:52:26,320
[Soft, peppy instrumental music]

851
00:52:26,581 --> 00:52:29,866
WILL: No, Marcus, I do not want
to come over for bloody Christmas.

852
00:52:30,084 --> 00:52:34,296
I do not want to spend Christmas
with Miss Granola Suicide and her spawn.

853
00:52:35,965 --> 00:52:38,207
I'd always thought
what you did with Christmas...

854
00:52:38,301 --> 00:52:41,634
...was sort of a statement about
where you stood in life.

855
00:52:42,180 --> 00:52:45,514
I was going to spend this Christmas
the way I usually did.

856
00:52:45,766 --> 00:52:48,851
Watching videos and getting drunk and stoned.

857
00:52:50,980 --> 00:52:54,100
[Santa's Super Sleigh is heard
on the store intercom]

858
00:53:01,658 --> 00:53:04,908
TV CHARACTER: Before you came,
I was all alone.

859
00:53:05,329 --> 00:53:07,237
It is bad to be alone.

860
00:53:07,706 --> 00:53:10,742
Alone, bad.

861
00:53:11,542 --> 00:53:13,500
Friend, good.

862
00:53:14,046 --> 00:53:17,379
Friend, good!

863
00:53:17,466 --> 00:53:19,091
[Characters laugh]

864
00:53:19,175 --> 00:53:20,717
TV CHARACTER: Now come here.

865
00:53:21,178 --> 00:53:24,297
WILL: The good news was it wasn't
just me and Fiona and Marcus.

866
00:53:24,389 --> 00:53:27,141
The bad news was, well....

867
00:53:27,351 --> 00:53:31,135
So, you're Marcus' dad.

868
00:53:31,605 --> 00:53:37,145
Yeah, I guess so.
And this is my girlfriend, Lindsey.

869
00:53:40,989 --> 00:53:42,448
And Lindsey's mum.

870
00:53:45,661 --> 00:53:47,120
Hi there.

871
00:53:47,204 --> 00:53:48,864
[Feliz Navidad playing]

872
00:53:55,963 --> 00:53:58,833
-Thanks, Dad.
-That's okay.

873
00:53:59,300 --> 00:54:00,960
WILL: I had to hand it to the kid.

874
00:54:01,052 --> 00:54:04,468
He could be enthusiastic
about some truly crap present.

875
00:54:04,972 --> 00:54:07,510
Wow, a tambourine! Thanks, Mum.

876
00:54:08,309 --> 00:54:09,589
Isn't that cool, Will?

877
00:54:09,685 --> 00:54:12,306
Yeah, that'll come in handy.

878
00:54:12,396 --> 00:54:14,519
I saw it and I thought, "This'll be perfect."

879
00:54:14,607 --> 00:54:19,518
Maybe you can perform at that school concert.
Get a pop group together. Make some friends.

880
00:54:20,070 --> 00:54:21,481
Maybe, Mum.

881
00:54:23,532 --> 00:54:27,482
When you sing,
it brings sunshine and happiness into my heart.

882
00:54:28,621 --> 00:54:30,080
Thanks, Mum.

883
00:54:35,045 --> 00:54:37,714
This one's from me.

884
00:54:45,347 --> 00:54:48,217
Brilliant! What is it?

885
00:54:48,517 --> 00:54:49,975
It's a CD, Marcus.

886
00:54:50,434 --> 00:54:53,187
By Mystikal. They're cool. You'll like them.

887
00:54:53,271 --> 00:54:55,560
And what kind of music is Mystikal?

888
00:54:55,857 --> 00:54:58,775
It's sort of world music.

889
00:54:59,485 --> 00:55:01,063
''Shake Ya Ass.''

890
00:55:01,488 --> 00:55:03,279
Slash rap type thing.

891
00:55:04,198 --> 00:55:06,072
Shake Ya Ass?

892
00:55:06,159 --> 00:55:07,487
Is he Moroccan?

893
00:55:07,577 --> 00:55:09,535
I'm afraid we haven't got a CD player.

894
00:55:09,621 --> 00:55:10,617
It's great anyway.

895
00:55:10,705 --> 00:55:15,166
I know you haven't got a CD player,
so, I got you one of them as well.

896
00:55:15,460 --> 00:55:17,418
LINDSEY'S MOM: What a lucky boy.

897
00:55:18,672 --> 00:55:20,047
Look, Mum.

898
00:55:20,549 --> 00:55:23,218
-Open yours, Will.
-All right. Thanks a lot.

899
00:55:28,224 --> 00:55:31,011
-Marcus, is this a joke?
-Yeah.

900
00:55:32,686 --> 00:55:33,931
It's not bad.

901
00:55:34,354 --> 00:55:37,309
SUZIE: Hi. Sorry, I'm dead late!

902
00:55:37,565 --> 00:55:39,558
-Have I missed anything?
-No, come on in.

903
00:55:39,651 --> 00:55:42,224
-Merry Christmas.
-Merry Christmas!

904
00:55:42,988 --> 00:55:44,447
WILL: Hey!

905
00:55:45,824 --> 00:55:47,532
Long time no see.

906
00:55:49,119 --> 00:55:50,317
Where's Megan?

907
00:55:50,412 --> 00:55:54,825
At her dad's. Where's Ned?
At his mum's for Christmas?

908
00:55:56,794 --> 00:55:58,869
[Dog barks in background]

909
00:56:01,924 --> 00:56:02,955
Yeah.

910
00:56:03,092 --> 00:56:06,341
No. I should probably go, shouldn't I?

911
00:56:06,762 --> 00:56:10,594
You could go pose as Santa,
try and shag some carol singers.

912
00:56:10,683 --> 00:56:12,640
Are you a professional Santa?

913
00:56:12,726 --> 00:56:13,971
How lovely!

914
00:56:14,061 --> 00:56:16,553
Right. That's it. I'm off.

915
00:56:16,647 --> 00:56:18,390
Thank you very much. It was great.

916
00:56:18,482 --> 00:56:21,152
Suzie has every right to express her anger.

917
00:56:21,277 --> 00:56:22,855
Yes, and she's expressed it.

918
00:56:22,945 --> 00:56:25,234
Now I have a right to bugger off.

919
00:56:25,323 --> 00:56:27,399
Thanks a lot. 'Bye.

920
00:56:27,491 --> 00:56:28,654
Wait!

921
00:56:29,201 --> 00:56:30,993
He's my friend. I invited him.

922
00:56:31,078 --> 00:56:33,071
I should be able to tell him when to go home.

923
00:56:33,164 --> 00:56:35,536
I haven't told Will to go, Marcus.

924
00:56:35,625 --> 00:56:38,875
Suzie's angry and has every right to be,
and she's telling him so.

925
00:56:38,961 --> 00:56:40,076
She's right, Marcus.

926
00:56:40,171 --> 00:56:41,998
Just leave it, okay?

927
00:56:42,673 --> 00:56:45,046
All he did was make up a kid for a couple weeks.

928
00:56:45,134 --> 00:56:47,672
God, that's nothing. So what? Who cares?

929
00:56:47,762 --> 00:56:49,802
Kids at school do worse than that every day!

930
00:56:49,889 --> 00:56:52,807
The point is, Marcus,
Will left school a long time ago.

931
00:56:52,892 --> 00:56:55,134
He should've grown out
of making people up by now.

932
00:56:55,228 --> 00:56:57,553
-That's for sure.
-It's not fair to gang up on him.

933
00:56:57,647 --> 00:56:59,390
He's been better behaved since then.

934
00:56:59,482 --> 00:57:04,773
He bought me trainers, he lets me go round
to his house and he knows what kids need.

935
00:57:04,863 --> 00:57:07,899
FIONA: What?
Expensive footwear and obscene music?

936
00:57:07,991 --> 00:57:11,075
If there's something you really need
then we can talk about it.

937
00:57:11,161 --> 00:57:14,779
No, we can't. It's not a discussion,
it's an argument, and you always win.

938
00:57:14,872 --> 00:57:17,826
-Why not just tell me what to do?
-I want you to think for yourself!

939
00:57:17,917 --> 00:57:20,456
I'm thinking for myself! And I want Will to stay!

940
00:57:20,546 --> 00:57:23,036
He's not the only one
who ever did anything wrong!

941
00:57:23,131 --> 00:57:25,337
Remember how we met? Remember why?
Because you--

942
00:57:25,425 --> 00:57:30,051
Because you threw a loaf of bread
at a duck's head and killed it, basically.

943
00:57:31,848 --> 00:57:33,925
[Suzie and Fiona laugh]

944
00:57:34,517 --> 00:57:36,807
Excuse me? What's this about a duck?

945
00:57:36,895 --> 00:57:39,350
Are we having duck? Delicious!

946
00:57:40,024 --> 00:57:41,898
[Caroling music]

947
00:57:41,983 --> 00:57:44,023
WILL: Of course we were not having duck.

948
00:57:44,111 --> 00:57:47,065
Instead we had nut loaf with parsnip gravy.

949
00:57:48,866 --> 00:57:51,653
As I sat there, I had a strange feeling.

950
00:57:52,369 --> 00:57:54,278
I was enjoying myself.

951
00:57:54,997 --> 00:57:57,570
I'd never really enjoyed Christmas before.

952
00:57:57,749 --> 00:58:00,039
My mother used to make me sing
Santa's Super Sleigh...

953
00:58:00,127 --> 00:58:02,583
...in front of my inebriated uncles and aunts...

954
00:58:02,671 --> 00:58:05,079
...just to get at my dad, I think.

955
00:58:05,466 --> 00:58:09,131
But Christmas at Marcus',
I'm ashamed to say it, gave me...

956
00:58:09,220 --> 00:58:10,963
...a warm, fuzzy feeling.

957
00:58:11,430 --> 00:58:14,930
I held that feeling responsible
for the strange events that followed.

958
00:58:16,477 --> 00:58:18,718
[Light, pleasant instrumental music]

959
00:58:18,812 --> 00:58:21,517
WILL: First of all, Marcus got a crush on a girl.

960
00:58:21,607 --> 00:58:23,683
MARCUS: Hello.
ELLIE: Piss off.

961
00:58:25,611 --> 00:58:29,609
WILL: And then, even stranger, so did I.

962
00:58:30,741 --> 00:58:32,319
It was all Marcus' fault, really...

963
00:58:32,409 --> 00:58:36,703
...because once you open your door
to one person, anyone can come in.

964
00:58:37,456 --> 00:58:39,580
On New Year's Eve, I met Rachel.

965
00:58:39,666 --> 00:58:42,372
She was interesting, smart and attractive.

966
00:58:42,504 --> 00:58:46,086
And for about five minutes,
I had her convinced that I was, too.

967
00:58:46,173 --> 00:58:48,297
...things like political events.

968
00:58:48,384 --> 00:58:49,249
Okay.

969
00:58:49,343 --> 00:58:50,802
You in television?

970
00:58:51,137 --> 00:58:54,471
Am I in television? No.

971
00:58:54,557 --> 00:58:56,763
-Everyone else is in television.
-Yeah.

972
00:58:56,851 --> 00:58:58,013
I watch television.

973
00:58:58,102 --> 00:59:01,186
Right, right.
So you're more in front of it than in it.

974
00:59:01,272 --> 00:59:03,229
-In it, yeah.
-Yes, I get it, yeah.

975
00:59:03,316 --> 00:59:04,561
WILL: It was torture.

976
00:59:04,651 --> 00:59:09,063
For five minutes I realized what life would be like
if I were, in any way, interesting.

977
00:59:09,155 --> 00:59:12,690
If I had anything to say for myself,
if I did anything.

978
00:59:12,784 --> 00:59:14,528
But I didn't do anything.

979
00:59:15,203 --> 00:59:19,247
And in about 30 seconds she'd know
and she'd be gone like a shot.

980
00:59:19,457 --> 00:59:21,949
So what do you do?

981
00:59:24,170 --> 00:59:27,670
I'm sort of taking a bit of time off at the moment.

982
00:59:27,758 --> 00:59:30,165
-Sounds good, yeah.
-Yeah.

983
00:59:31,011 --> 00:59:32,803
Time off from what?

984
00:59:33,346 --> 00:59:39,599
To be absolutely honest,
time off from time off, in fact.

985
00:59:39,770 --> 00:59:44,646
The interesting thing about me is
I don't actually do anything.

986
00:59:47,903 --> 00:59:50,821
-You don't do anything?
-Actually, no.

987
00:59:53,408 --> 00:59:55,864
-Nothing.
-Nope.

988
00:59:56,578 --> 00:59:57,574
Wow.

989
00:59:58,997 --> 01:00:00,113
That's...

990
01:00:01,666 --> 01:00:03,291
GUEST: Now, Rachel, darling.

991
01:00:04,545 --> 01:00:07,712
East Coast or West Coast rap?

992
01:00:07,797 --> 01:00:09,079
RACHEL: I have absolutely no...

993
01:00:09,175 --> 01:00:13,386
WILL: There. She was gone.
There was no more to say.

994
01:00:14,304 --> 01:00:16,630
All rap music sounds exactly the same to me.

995
01:00:16,724 --> 01:00:17,673
WILL: Or was there?

996
01:00:17,766 --> 01:00:21,550
I tell you what. I know a 12-year-old
who'd kill you for saying that.

997
01:00:21,645 --> 01:00:23,389
-Really?
-Yes.

998
01:00:23,480 --> 01:00:26,101
-So do l, come to that.
-Yeah?

999
01:00:26,525 --> 01:00:29,194
-Yeah. What's yours called?
-Mine?

1000
01:00:30,904 --> 01:00:34,404
He's called Marcus.

1001
01:00:35,492 --> 01:00:37,984
Mine's Ali. Alistair.

1002
01:00:38,579 --> 01:00:40,121
WILL: And there it was.

1003
01:00:40,206 --> 01:00:43,242
It wasn't a lie.
It was 100 percent her assumption.

1004
01:00:43,793 --> 01:00:46,034
Well, 50 percent, at the very least.

1005
01:00:46,128 --> 01:00:48,205
[Soft instrumental music]

1006
01:00:49,006 --> 01:00:52,791
WILL: I was in fantasyland again.
But this time it was different.

1007
01:00:53,136 --> 01:00:58,296
SPAT was for fun. This was serious.
I acted in self-defense.

1008
01:01:06,691 --> 01:01:08,767
We arranged to get our lads together.

1009
01:01:08,860 --> 01:01:11,896
Which means
we arranged for us to get together.

1010
01:01:12,113 --> 01:01:14,686
Single parents, alone together.

1011
01:01:16,076 --> 01:01:18,282
ALL: Happy New Year!

1012
01:01:19,370 --> 01:01:21,280
WILL: I was in deep trouble.

1013
01:01:22,874 --> 01:01:25,910
And there was only one person
who could help me out.

1014
01:01:26,002 --> 01:01:28,290
[Hip hop music to Shake Ya Ass]

1015
01:01:35,845 --> 01:01:40,554
[Sings with CD] "Shake ya ass, but watch ya self
Shake ya ass, show me what you workin' with

1016
01:01:40,725 --> 01:01:42,552
"Shake ya ass, watch ya self

1017
01:01:44,688 --> 01:01:48,686
-"Show me what you workin' with"
-What did you just say to me?

1018
01:01:49,859 --> 01:01:52,944
You heard me, squitty little shitty
snot-nosed bastard!

1019
01:01:53,029 --> 01:01:54,108
Sorry.

1020
01:01:54,322 --> 01:01:56,730
I was singing along to this song by Mystikal.

1021
01:01:56,825 --> 01:01:58,236
It's a rap.

1022
01:01:58,369 --> 01:01:59,863
You like rap?

1023
01:02:00,079 --> 01:02:00,944
A little.

1024
01:02:01,038 --> 01:02:04,288
It's by black people, mostly.
They're angry most of the time.

1025
01:02:04,375 --> 01:02:06,865
But sometimes they just want to have sex.

1026
01:02:08,003 --> 01:02:09,202
You taking a piss?

1027
01:02:09,296 --> 01:02:11,039
'Cause if you are, you'll get a slap.

1028
01:02:11,131 --> 01:02:12,625
I'm not taking a piss.

1029
01:02:12,716 --> 01:02:15,503
I don't even know how to take a piss.

1030
01:02:15,928 --> 01:02:18,051
-What's your name?
-Marcus.

1031
01:02:20,557 --> 01:02:21,933
I'm Ellie.

1032
01:02:22,184 --> 01:02:23,892
Hi, Ellie. Nice to meet you.

1033
01:02:23,978 --> 01:02:28,474
Not so fast. I'm not ready for physical contact.
Next thing you know, we'll be having sex.

1034
01:02:28,566 --> 01:02:30,523
And where will that get us?

1035
01:02:30,692 --> 01:02:33,859
And stop telling strangers to shake their ass.

1036
01:02:34,697 --> 01:02:36,689
Okay, Ellie. See you!

1037
01:02:38,034 --> 01:02:40,739
[Sings song without saying the word "ass"]

1038
01:02:47,501 --> 01:02:48,995
Hello, mate.

1039
01:02:50,129 --> 01:02:52,703
Listen, I need your help.

1040
01:02:53,007 --> 01:02:54,964
[Light, happy instrumental music]

1041
01:02:55,050 --> 01:02:57,340
Why did you tell this lady I was your son?

1042
01:02:57,428 --> 01:02:58,709
No, I didn't tell her.

1043
01:02:58,805 --> 01:03:01,722
I told you,
she just got the wrong end of the stick.

1044
01:03:01,808 --> 01:03:03,136
So just tell her.

1045
01:03:03,226 --> 01:03:05,302
-No. Can't do that.
-Why not?

1046
01:03:05,395 --> 01:03:09,724
We're really going around in circles here.
Just accept the facts, okay?

1047
01:03:09,941 --> 01:03:11,435
You're my son.

1048
01:03:11,526 --> 01:03:13,483
I'll tell her, if you like. I don't mind.

1049
01:03:13,569 --> 01:03:15,942
That's very kind of you, Marcus, but no.

1050
01:03:16,031 --> 01:03:18,319
-Why not?
-For Christ's sake!

1051
01:03:18,408 --> 01:03:22,073
She's got a rare disease
and if she believes something that's not right...

1052
01:03:22,162 --> 01:03:26,575
...then hears the truth, her brain will boil
in her head and she'll die, okay?

1053
01:03:27,125 --> 01:03:29,034
That's a load of shit.

1054
01:03:29,835 --> 01:03:33,620
I'm really interested in this woman.

1055
01:03:33,924 --> 01:03:36,165
What do you mean, interested?

1056
01:03:36,551 --> 01:03:38,425
What's so interesting about her?

1057
01:03:38,512 --> 01:03:40,303
Okay, Marcus, here.

1058
01:03:40,638 --> 01:03:43,509
Here's my last scrap of dignity. Enjoy it.

1059
01:03:43,892 --> 01:03:46,300
I want to go out with her. Okay?

1060
01:03:46,395 --> 01:03:48,767
I'd like her to be my girlfriend. There, I said it.

1061
01:03:48,855 --> 01:03:51,524
Brilliant! Why didn't you just say that?

1062
01:03:51,942 --> 01:03:53,851
I don't know.

1063
01:03:54,235 --> 01:03:57,402
I was embarrassed or something,
'cause this is a bit new for me.

1064
01:03:57,489 --> 01:04:00,063
I just met her, her name's Rachel. She's sort of--

1065
01:04:00,158 --> 01:04:01,949
There's this girl at school. Ellie.

1066
01:04:02,035 --> 01:04:03,909
I kind of want her to be my girlfriend.

1067
01:04:03,996 --> 01:04:05,787
I'm not exactly sure.

1068
01:04:05,998 --> 01:04:07,623
I've been meaning to ask you.

1069
01:04:07,708 --> 01:04:11,706
What's the difference between
a girl who's your friend and a girlfriend?

1070
01:04:11,795 --> 01:04:15,295
Well, I don't know.

1071
01:04:15,757 --> 01:04:18,083
Do you want to touch her?

1072
01:04:18,177 --> 01:04:19,422
Is that so important?

1073
01:04:19,512 --> 01:04:21,172
Yeah, you've heard about sex, right?

1074
01:04:21,263 --> 01:04:22,888
It is kind of a big deal.

1075
01:04:22,973 --> 01:04:25,013
I know. I'm not stupid.

1076
01:04:25,685 --> 01:04:28,140
I just can't believe there's nothing more to it.

1077
01:04:28,228 --> 01:04:32,392
I mean, like, I want to be with her more.
I want to be with her all the time.

1078
01:04:32,483 --> 01:04:35,353
And I want to tell her things
I don't even tell you or Mum.

1079
01:04:35,444 --> 01:04:37,936
And I don't want her to have another boyfriend.

1080
01:04:38,030 --> 01:04:40,069
If I could have all those things...

1081
01:04:40,157 --> 01:04:43,491
...I wouldn't really mind if I touched her or not.

1082
01:04:44,328 --> 01:04:46,368
Well, you'll learn, Marcus.

1083
01:04:46,747 --> 01:04:48,905
You won't feel like that forever.

1084
01:04:48,999 --> 01:04:51,491
[Light, happy instrumental music]

1085
01:04:53,129 --> 01:04:54,837
Okay, how do I look?

1086
01:04:54,922 --> 01:04:56,749
Good. How do I look?

1087
01:04:58,968 --> 01:05:01,969
Just be as normal as you can, okay?

1088
01:05:02,972 --> 01:05:04,680
WILL: Good advice for Marcus.

1089
01:05:04,765 --> 01:05:06,474
I wish I could have followed it.

1090
01:05:06,559 --> 01:05:08,303
I'm sorry it's such a mess.

1091
01:05:08,395 --> 01:05:10,433
That's where I work.

1092
01:05:12,190 --> 01:05:14,811
WILL: My mouth was dry
and my palms sweating.

1093
01:05:14,900 --> 01:05:17,357
I didn't know what the hell was happening to me.

1094
01:05:17,487 --> 01:05:20,274
...manage to tidy up. Ali?

1095
01:05:20,365 --> 01:05:23,282
WILL: All I could do was stand there,
grinning like an idiot.

1096
01:05:23,368 --> 01:05:26,238
-Should we just go upstairs?
-Sure. Okay.

1097
01:05:28,998 --> 01:05:30,113
Ali.

1098
01:05:30,500 --> 01:05:31,531
Marcus.

1099
01:05:32,502 --> 01:05:33,533
Marcus.

1100
01:05:34,337 --> 01:05:35,369
Ali.

1101
01:05:36,464 --> 01:05:39,299
You're in my year at school.

1102
01:05:39,592 --> 01:05:42,344
Really? Yeah, I think I've seen you around.

1103
01:05:42,428 --> 01:05:43,294
Great!

1104
01:05:43,388 --> 01:05:45,630
Then you guys'll have a lot to talk about.

1105
01:05:45,724 --> 01:05:47,551
Will, this is Ali.

1106
01:05:47,809 --> 01:05:49,470
Ali, this is Will.

1107
01:05:49,811 --> 01:05:52,267
-All right.
-All right.

1108
01:05:53,899 --> 01:05:57,184
Do you guys want to hang up here for a while?

1109
01:05:58,153 --> 01:06:00,275
-Yeah, sounds good, right?
-Yeah. Okay.

1110
01:06:00,363 --> 01:06:02,237
WILL: For a moment, I loved him.

1111
01:06:02,324 --> 01:06:03,782
Really loved him.

1112
01:06:03,867 --> 01:06:06,109
RACHEL: You can show him
your new computer games.

1113
01:06:06,203 --> 01:06:08,112
Good. Okay, catch you later.

1114
01:06:08,204 --> 01:06:10,244
Let's leave them to it.

1115
01:06:10,957 --> 01:06:13,246
[Radio plays punk rock music]

1116
01:06:19,466 --> 01:06:22,384
If your dad goes out with my mum,
then you're dead.

1117
01:06:22,469 --> 01:06:23,928
Really dead.

1118
01:06:24,471 --> 01:06:27,591
-Don't worry. He's all right.
-I don't care if he's all right!

1119
01:06:27,682 --> 01:06:29,592
I don't want him going out with my mum!

1120
01:06:29,685 --> 01:06:33,386
I don't want to see him
or you around here ever again, okay?

1121
01:06:33,481 --> 01:06:35,354
I'm not really sure it's up to me.

1122
01:06:35,440 --> 01:06:38,525
Well, it better be! Or you're going to die.

1123
01:06:38,610 --> 01:06:42,525
MARCUS: I was getting the feeling
that maybe this kid Ali was a serial killer.

1124
01:06:42,615 --> 01:06:45,699
Can I have a go on your computer?
What games you got?

1125
01:06:45,867 --> 01:06:47,576
Are you listening to me?

1126
01:06:48,037 --> 01:06:51,287
Yeah, it's just that I can't really
do much at the moment, can l?

1127
01:06:51,374 --> 01:06:54,577
I mean, Will, that's my dad...

1128
01:06:55,753 --> 01:06:58,623
...he likes your mum,
and I think she's keen on him.

1129
01:06:58,714 --> 01:07:00,339
She's not keen on him!

1130
01:07:00,508 --> 01:07:02,300
She's only keen on me!

1131
01:07:02,385 --> 01:07:04,211
[Indistinct chatter]

1132
01:07:04,512 --> 01:07:06,255
WILL: One amazing thing about Rachel...

1133
01:07:06,347 --> 01:07:10,095
...was that I wanted to kiss her every time
she said something interesting.

1134
01:07:10,601 --> 01:07:12,309
Which was all the time.

1135
01:07:12,603 --> 01:07:15,439
It was sexy. It was weird.

1136
01:07:16,565 --> 01:07:20,101
RACHEL: I use Bristol boards, India ink and...

1137
01:07:21,362 --> 01:07:22,773
Am I boring you?

1138
01:07:23,031 --> 01:07:24,489
No, no. No.

1139
01:07:25,867 --> 01:07:27,907
-What?
-Nothing.

1140
01:07:28,285 --> 01:07:30,859
It's just you looked like Marcus just then.

1141
01:07:31,914 --> 01:07:32,745
Did I?

1142
01:07:32,832 --> 01:07:36,331
I think it's sweet how much
he seems to take after you...

1143
01:07:36,586 --> 01:07:39,670
...and the way he dresses like you, as well.

1144
01:07:40,257 --> 01:07:43,957
I don't think I dress like Marcus, really.

1145
01:07:44,052 --> 01:07:45,510
[Footsteps]

1146
01:07:46,221 --> 01:07:47,466
[Door opens]

1147
01:07:47,556 --> 01:07:48,586
Marcus?

1148
01:07:52,436 --> 01:07:55,520
WILL: Wait! Hang on. Hang on.
Come on, we're going back.

1149
01:07:55,605 --> 01:07:58,143
-He's off his head.
-No, he's not.

1150
01:07:58,233 --> 01:08:02,480
He said he'd cut me up into little pieces
and hide me under the floorboards.

1151
01:08:02,696 --> 01:08:05,531
-He did?
-No.

1152
01:08:05,615 --> 01:08:07,489
But I'm sure he's capable of it.

1153
01:08:07,576 --> 01:08:09,615
It'll be different. You'll like it, I promise.

1154
01:08:09,703 --> 01:08:12,906
Marcus, Ali has something to say to you.

1155
01:08:15,334 --> 01:08:16,745
Doesn't he?

1156
01:08:18,254 --> 01:08:19,582
Sorry, Marcus.

1157
01:08:20,923 --> 01:08:23,247
I didn't mean to say those things.

1158
01:08:23,800 --> 01:08:25,176
It's okay, Ali.

1159
01:08:27,096 --> 01:08:29,551
Ali finds all this very difficult.

1160
01:08:29,932 --> 01:08:32,055
Yeah, so does Marcus.

1161
01:08:34,102 --> 01:08:35,762
Don't you, mate?

1162
01:08:36,439 --> 01:08:38,431
You know, I mean, divorced parents...

1163
01:08:38,523 --> 01:08:41,774
...and not knowing
how to feel about new people.

1164
01:08:43,779 --> 01:08:47,030
Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely the way I feel.

1165
01:08:47,365 --> 01:08:50,154
Ali didn't get along
with the last bloke I went out with.

1166
01:08:50,244 --> 01:08:52,450
-He was a liar!
-All right, darling.

1167
01:08:53,372 --> 01:08:55,530
He wasn't 100 percent good news.

1168
01:08:56,042 --> 01:08:59,956
-I'm not saying that you and I are.
-That's okay.

1169
01:09:00,212 --> 01:09:02,620
He fancies you. He told me.

1170
01:09:06,010 --> 01:09:08,335
-Thanks a lot, mate.
-Oh, dear.

1171
01:09:08,429 --> 01:09:09,924
WILL: Cheers, mate.

1172
01:09:13,475 --> 01:09:15,967
Don't look so worried, sweetheart.

1173
01:09:16,979 --> 01:09:17,761
[Soft instrumental music]

1174
01:09:17,855 --> 01:09:18,721
Ellie!

1175
01:09:18,815 --> 01:09:21,305
-Marcus? What, are you stalking me?
-No.

1176
01:09:21,400 --> 01:09:23,559
Too bad. Made me feel like a celebrity.

1177
01:09:23,653 --> 01:09:26,902
Yeah, but I didn't know that then, did l, sexy?

1178
01:09:28,741 --> 01:09:30,864
WILL: All I'm saying is, you know, watch out.

1179
01:09:30,952 --> 01:09:34,996
It just looks a bit more like owner and pet
than boyfriend and girlfriend.

1180
01:09:35,081 --> 01:09:36,908
MARCUS: At least I'm honest.

1181
01:09:37,042 --> 01:09:38,120
What does that mean?

1182
01:09:38,209 --> 01:09:40,534
It's just that you and Rachel...

1183
01:09:41,463 --> 01:09:44,333
What? What does that mean?

1184
01:09:44,758 --> 01:09:47,878
I don't know,
I think there's a problem with you and Rachel.

1185
01:09:47,969 --> 01:09:51,801
I mean, like, you want to be with her
but she thinks you have a son.

1186
01:09:52,015 --> 01:09:53,046
And you don't.

1187
01:09:53,141 --> 01:09:55,181
If you're going to be with someone...

1188
01:09:55,268 --> 01:09:57,889
...shouldn't you tell them things like that?

1189
01:09:58,688 --> 01:09:59,768
No.

1190
01:10:00,107 --> 01:10:02,597
I mean, you know, like the truth.

1191
01:10:04,236 --> 01:10:05,979
What's wrong with you?

1192
01:10:06,738 --> 01:10:09,822
WILL: But later that night,
when I was on my own...

1193
01:10:10,033 --> 01:10:13,200
...I remembered the deal
Marcus was prepared to strike.

1194
01:10:14,454 --> 01:10:16,780
Yes, I wanted to touch Rachel.

1195
01:10:17,374 --> 01:10:20,291
But at this moment, if I had the choice...

1196
01:10:20,669 --> 01:10:24,085
...I'd settle for the less and the more
that Marcus wanted.

1197
01:10:24,798 --> 01:10:27,087
Jesus, was I turning into Marcus?

1198
01:10:27,176 --> 01:10:29,666
Would he be buying me shoes soon?

1199
01:10:30,887 --> 01:10:34,173
I took his advice and told Rachel the truth.

1200
01:10:35,225 --> 01:10:37,301
Or very nearly the truth.

1201
01:10:37,436 --> 01:10:40,187
That I wasn't Marcus' natural father.

1202
01:10:41,439 --> 01:10:43,183
And that is not natural seaweed.

1203
01:10:43,275 --> 01:10:47,225
WILL: The problem was, once I told the truth,
I knew there'd be more questions.

1204
01:10:47,320 --> 01:10:49,894
I don't get it. If you're not his natural father...

1205
01:10:49,990 --> 01:10:54,154
...and you don't live with him,
then how is he your son?

1206
01:10:54,537 --> 01:10:55,699
Yeah, I see.

1207
01:10:55,997 --> 01:10:59,282
It must look very confusing from the outside.

1208
01:10:59,375 --> 01:11:01,782
Tell me how it is on the inside.

1209
01:11:02,502 --> 01:11:05,173
It's just one of those long, boring stories.

1210
01:11:05,256 --> 01:11:07,663
Look, do you want to move on to wine?

1211
01:11:07,758 --> 01:11:09,751
You want some Chinese rice wine, miss?

1212
01:11:09,844 --> 01:11:14,968
You would like to try,
I suspect, the Panang Paneng.

1213
01:11:16,266 --> 01:11:17,132
Yeah?

1214
01:11:17,768 --> 01:11:18,848
No.

1215
01:11:20,647 --> 01:11:22,972
Tell me about your relationship with Ali.

1216
01:11:23,065 --> 01:11:26,765
-Is that as complicated as mine and Marcus'?
-No.

1217
01:11:26,860 --> 01:11:30,561
I slept with his father,
and then nine months later I gave birth.

1218
01:11:30,656 --> 01:11:31,687
Pretty straightforward.

1219
01:11:31,782 --> 01:11:34,191
Yeah. I envy you that.

1220
01:11:35,453 --> 01:11:39,747
I'm really sorry to harp on about this
but I haven't got it all worked out yet.

1221
01:11:39,832 --> 01:11:44,245
You are Marcus' stepfather,
but you don't live with him or with his mother.

1222
01:11:46,381 --> 01:11:49,299
No, you see, wait.

1223
01:12:00,603 --> 01:12:03,521
I never said he was my son.

1224
01:12:03,857 --> 01:12:04,687
Did I?

1225
01:12:04,774 --> 01:12:08,060
The words "I have a son called Marcus,"
never escaped my lips.

1226
01:12:08,152 --> 01:12:10,395
It's what you chose to believe.

1227
01:12:10,489 --> 01:12:12,280
Yeah. Right.

1228
01:12:12,657 --> 01:12:14,780
It's me that's the fantasist.

1229
01:12:14,910 --> 01:12:18,741
I wanted to believe that you had a son,
so I let my imagination run riot.

1230
01:12:18,830 --> 01:12:20,989
Obviously I played a part, I can see that.

1231
01:12:21,083 --> 01:12:24,866
No! Not at all.
I met you and I thought, "Cute guy.

1232
01:12:24,961 --> 01:12:28,247
"God, if only he had a son.
A geeky, teenage kid, if possible."

1233
01:12:28,340 --> 01:12:31,175
Then you turned up at my house
with Marcus, and bingo!

1234
01:12:31,259 --> 01:12:35,838
Now I made this crazy link
'cause of some deep psychological need in me.

1235
01:12:36,723 --> 01:12:39,428
You shouldn't beat yourself up about it.

1236
01:12:40,686 --> 01:12:42,844
It could have happened to anyone.

1237
01:12:46,191 --> 01:12:51,316
The first time I met you
I thought you were a bit blank.

1238
01:12:53,824 --> 01:12:56,113
But then you changed my mind.

1239
01:12:57,578 --> 01:12:59,487
Maybe I was right.

1240
01:12:59,997 --> 01:13:01,871
-Rachel, listen.
-Yes?

1241
01:13:03,000 --> 01:13:04,874
[Poignant piano note]

1242
01:13:12,635 --> 01:13:14,674
I'm sorry, you're right.

1243
01:13:18,390 --> 01:13:22,684
I am a blank.

1244
01:13:24,313 --> 01:13:28,264
I'm really nothing.

1245
01:13:32,697 --> 01:13:36,362
I don't know what the hell I was thinking of,
I'm sorry.

1246
01:13:36,450 --> 01:13:38,527
[Melancholy piano music]

1247
01:13:57,555 --> 01:13:58,587
'Bye, Ellie.

1248
01:13:58,681 --> 01:14:00,341
Marcus! My man!

1249
01:14:01,518 --> 01:14:02,513
SIMON: 'Bye, Marcus!

1250
01:14:02,602 --> 01:14:04,262
CLASSMATE: See you, Marcus!

1251
01:14:04,354 --> 01:14:06,429
[Piano music continues]

1252
01:14:21,454 --> 01:14:23,114
[Fiona cries]

1253
01:14:23,540 --> 01:14:24,654
Mum?

1254
01:14:24,749 --> 01:14:26,825
[Melancholy rock song]

1255
01:14:50,025 --> 01:14:54,936
TEACHER: So, if z = 17, does x > 2?

1256
01:14:55,322 --> 01:14:56,697
Marcus?

1257
01:14:58,200 --> 01:15:00,442
MARCUS: I didn't know what the answer was.

1258
01:15:00,536 --> 01:15:02,694
I didn't know what ''x'' equaled.

1259
01:15:02,788 --> 01:15:05,113
And I didn't know how to help my mum.

1260
01:15:15,217 --> 01:15:16,877
MARCUS: And then I realized.

1261
01:15:16,969 --> 01:15:19,804
There was something she said
I could do for her.

1262
01:15:19,889 --> 01:15:24,634
-I'm thinking of singing at the school concert.
-You? At the rock concert?

1263
01:15:25,352 --> 01:15:28,804
I don't think that would be
a very good idea, Marcus.

1264
01:15:28,898 --> 01:15:30,273
Will you accompany me?

1265
01:15:30,357 --> 01:15:32,315
All I've got is a tambourine.

1266
01:15:32,943 --> 01:15:36,277
No, I'm sorry. It's suicide.

1267
01:15:37,823 --> 01:15:40,315
I mean, they'll crucify you.

1268
01:15:41,452 --> 01:15:44,157
[Melancholy piano music]

1269
01:15:46,665 --> 01:15:48,325
[Doorbell rings]

1270
01:16:05,184 --> 01:16:06,928
Mum's at it again.

1271
01:16:10,231 --> 01:16:13,149
-At what? Sorry.
-What do you mean, what?

1272
01:16:14,277 --> 01:16:15,522
The crying.

1273
01:16:15,611 --> 01:16:18,150
She sits in the house all day, crying.

1274
01:16:18,240 --> 01:16:20,730
She does it in the mornings, too.

1275
01:16:23,745 --> 01:16:28,288
It's as bad now as it was
before the Dead Duck Day.

1276
01:16:34,005 --> 01:16:36,876
Marcus, I'm sorry, mate...

1277
01:16:39,219 --> 01:16:41,046
...I'm a bit busy at the moment.

1278
01:16:41,138 --> 01:16:44,174
You're busy? Doing what?

1279
01:16:46,560 --> 01:16:49,050
-Didn't you hear me?
-I heard you.

1280
01:16:49,229 --> 01:16:52,515
-What do you want me to do about it?
-I don't know.

1281
01:16:52,608 --> 01:16:55,181
-You could talk to her.
-Yeah? And what would I say?

1282
01:16:55,277 --> 01:16:57,436
-I don't know!
-Why would she listen to me?

1283
01:16:57,529 --> 01:16:59,190
Who am I to her?

1284
01:16:59,906 --> 01:17:01,698
-I'm nobody.
-You're not nobody.

1285
01:17:01,784 --> 01:17:04,108
-You're--
-Who? Who do you think I am?

1286
01:17:05,246 --> 01:17:06,621
Who do you think you are?

1287
01:17:06,705 --> 01:17:10,655
You come here uninvited,
you disrupt my life, you screw things up.

1288
01:17:11,210 --> 01:17:13,783
What do you want from me?
This isn't my problem.

1289
01:17:13,879 --> 01:17:16,750
I'm not your family, mate. I'm not.
I'm not your uncle.

1290
01:17:16,840 --> 01:17:18,085
I'm not your big brother.

1291
01:17:18,175 --> 01:17:21,627
We've established pretty firmly
that I'm not your father, either, am l?

1292
01:17:21,721 --> 01:17:22,586
But...

1293
01:17:22,679 --> 01:17:24,008
I'll tell you what I am.

1294
01:17:24,097 --> 01:17:28,475
I'm the guy who's really good at
choosing trainers or records, okay?

1295
01:17:28,560 --> 01:17:31,230
That's it. I can't help you with real things.

1296
01:17:31,396 --> 01:17:34,813
I can't help you with anything
that means anything.

1297
01:17:37,195 --> 01:17:38,903
You could try.

1298
01:17:48,456 --> 01:17:49,700
You're right.

1299
01:17:50,416 --> 01:17:51,910
You can't help me.

1300
01:17:52,001 --> 01:17:53,412
How could you?

1301
01:17:53,503 --> 01:17:56,207
You're a stupid person who watches TV all day...

1302
01:17:56,297 --> 01:17:57,292
...and buys things.

1303
01:17:57,381 --> 01:18:01,877
You don't give a shit about anybody,
and nobody gives a shit about you!

1304
01:18:07,183 --> 01:18:09,674
[Door opens and slams shut]

1305
01:18:21,864 --> 01:18:24,569
[Acoustic guitar]

1306
01:18:25,702 --> 01:18:28,407
[Upbeat rock music]

1307
01:18:32,584 --> 01:18:35,668
MARCUS: Mum said my singing brought
sunshine and happiness...

1308
01:18:35,754 --> 01:18:37,212
...into her life.

1309
01:18:37,464 --> 01:18:40,714
So I'd do it, even if it meant mine was over.

1310
01:19:10,580 --> 01:19:11,695
Look, Mum.

1311
01:19:25,804 --> 01:19:27,881
[Rock song continues]

1312
01:19:54,416 --> 01:19:59,577
WILL: My life is made up of units of time.
Buying CDs: Two units.

1313
01:20:01,257 --> 01:20:03,926
Eating lunch: Three units.

1314
01:20:06,096 --> 01:20:09,345
Exercising: Two units.

1315
01:20:11,809 --> 01:20:14,431
All in all, I had a very full life.

1316
01:20:24,322 --> 01:20:28,486
WILL: It's just that it didn't mean anything.

1317
01:20:35,667 --> 01:20:40,044
[Combination of the continuing rock song
and Santa's Super Sleigh]

1318
01:20:41,506 --> 01:20:47,212
[CD player] ''Look who's coming
round the bend''

1319
01:20:55,437 --> 01:20:59,565
WILL: The fact was there was only one thing
that meant something to me:

1320
01:21:00,275 --> 01:21:01,935
[Doorbell rings]

1321
01:21:11,578 --> 01:21:15,362
WILL: Marcus. He was the only thing
that meant something to me.

1322
01:21:15,875 --> 01:21:18,875
And Fiona was the only thing
that meant something to him.

1323
01:21:18,961 --> 01:21:21,368
And she was about to fall off the edge.

1324
01:21:21,881 --> 01:21:23,541
[Doorbell rings]

1325
01:21:25,300 --> 01:21:27,376
[Rock music continues]

1326
01:21:40,107 --> 01:21:42,313
ALL: Single parents alone together!

1327
01:21:42,401 --> 01:21:44,394
Single parents alone together!

1328
01:21:44,487 --> 01:21:48,864
Single parents alone together!
All for one and one for all!

1329
01:21:51,159 --> 01:21:54,363
-Fiona!
-Will, we haven't seen you for a while.

1330
01:21:54,496 --> 01:21:55,872
How's Ned?

1331
01:21:56,374 --> 01:22:00,786
Who? He's a load of crap. He doesn't exist.

1332
01:22:01,962 --> 01:22:03,373
Yeah, I made him up.

1333
01:22:03,464 --> 01:22:04,922
-You made him up?
-Yeah.

1334
01:22:05,007 --> 01:22:07,546
-To meet women.
-You're sick.

1335
01:22:08,469 --> 01:22:10,795
-Fiona, I've got to talk to you.
-Go ahead.

1336
01:22:10,888 --> 01:22:13,724
No, you know, properly talk to you, privately.

1337
01:22:13,808 --> 01:22:16,892
No, this is a circle of truth.

1338
01:22:16,977 --> 01:22:20,560
Whatever you have to say,
you can say it in front of everybody.

1339
01:22:21,565 --> 01:22:25,896
Okay. Please don't try
and commit suicide again.

1340
01:22:28,615 --> 01:22:31,865
I can't believe you just said that.
That is my private experience.

1341
01:22:31,952 --> 01:22:34,703
Yeah, well, that's the thing, isn't it? It's not.

1342
01:22:34,788 --> 01:22:36,365
Marcus is worried about you.

1343
01:22:36,456 --> 01:22:38,495
I'm worried because he's worried about you.

1344
01:22:38,583 --> 01:22:41,703
Will, I don't have plans to commit suicide.

1345
01:22:41,794 --> 01:22:42,790
You don't?

1346
01:22:42,879 --> 01:22:44,539
Not at the moment, no.

1347
01:22:45,298 --> 01:22:47,706
Great. Great!

1348
01:22:47,800 --> 01:22:49,924
Good.

1349
01:22:50,012 --> 01:22:52,882
You know I'm not attracted to you, right?

1350
01:22:54,600 --> 01:22:57,968
What are you on about?
No. What are you, nuts?

1351
01:22:58,728 --> 01:23:00,935
Right. Wrong word completely.

1352
01:23:01,189 --> 01:23:06,184
But that's something that
we should, you know, talk about a bit.

1353
01:23:06,278 --> 01:23:08,603
The crying in the morning thing, the depression.

1354
01:23:08,696 --> 01:23:11,022
Let's get that fixed.

1355
01:23:11,116 --> 01:23:14,201
FIONA: That's what men think, isn't it?
WILL: What?

1356
01:23:14,744 --> 01:23:17,829
That unless you've got the answer,
unless you can say:

1357
01:23:17,914 --> 01:23:22,079
"I know a bloke in the Essex Road who
can fix that," then there's no point bothering.

1358
01:23:22,169 --> 01:23:23,165
No.

1359
01:23:24,588 --> 01:23:26,415
Well, yeah, okay. I would.

1360
01:23:26,507 --> 01:23:29,543
I'd love to know the name of the bloke
in the Essex Road...

1361
01:23:29,635 --> 01:23:31,960
...because I've got a feeling I'd be useless.

1362
01:23:32,054 --> 01:23:34,047
Will, you're not useless.

1363
01:23:35,349 --> 01:23:38,765
You're here. And that matters.

1364
01:23:39,728 --> 01:23:40,926
Right.

1365
01:23:41,021 --> 01:23:43,394
-Now, can we... Do you mind?
-What?

1366
01:23:43,690 --> 01:23:47,225
-Marcus is singing at the school concert.
-Marcus is singing?

1367
01:23:47,319 --> 01:23:48,730
-Yeah, singing.
-At school?

1368
01:23:48,821 --> 01:23:50,445
It's a pop concert. He's so excited.

1369
01:23:50,531 --> 01:23:53,734
-I want to get there on time.
-Wait, wait. What's he singing?

1370
01:23:53,826 --> 01:23:58,239
[Sings] "Killing me softly with his song

1371
01:23:58,539 --> 01:24:01,077
"Telling my whole life"

1372
01:24:01,542 --> 01:24:03,203
[Tires screech]

1373
01:24:03,293 --> 01:24:07,078
-What time does this thing start?
-What have you got against Marcus singing?

1374
01:24:07,173 --> 01:24:11,669
You know the dream where you're at school
without your trousers on and everyone laughs?

1375
01:24:11,761 --> 01:24:14,928
-What's the connection?
-That will be Marcus, but for real.

1376
01:24:15,014 --> 01:24:17,719
If he sings that song in front of those kids...

1377
01:24:17,809 --> 01:24:20,097
...you can just write him off until university.

1378
01:24:20,186 --> 01:24:23,389
If he reaches university,
'cause he's going to get torn to shreds.

1379
01:24:23,481 --> 01:24:26,102
You cannot stop someone
from expressing themselves.

1380
01:24:26,192 --> 01:24:30,024
He's not expressing himself!
He's expressing you, okay?

1381
01:24:31,531 --> 01:24:32,645
Oh, God.

1382
01:24:33,783 --> 01:24:37,318
What? Jesus Christ.

1383
01:24:37,620 --> 01:24:41,285
You're right. Will, am I a bad mother?

1384
01:24:41,708 --> 01:24:46,204
No, you're not a bad mother.
You're just a barking lunatic.

1385
01:24:46,379 --> 01:24:48,087
No, I am. I am a bad mother.

1386
01:24:48,173 --> 01:24:51,542
I've let things slide
and I haven't been noticing properly.

1387
01:24:51,635 --> 01:24:54,126
He's a special, very special boy.

1388
01:24:54,220 --> 01:24:56,711
And he's got a special soul, and I've wounded it!

1389
01:24:56,806 --> 01:24:59,677
Please, just shut up. You're wounding my soul.

1390
01:25:00,811 --> 01:25:03,515
[Light, easy instrumental music,
while car screeches]

1391
01:25:12,572 --> 01:25:15,490
[Music becomes faster and heavier]

1392
01:25:27,880 --> 01:25:30,205
WILL: Okay, you park it.
FIONA: What?

1393
01:25:33,761 --> 01:25:36,465
[Rock song faster and more urgent]

1394
01:25:49,193 --> 01:25:52,527
[Tires squeal]

1395
01:25:53,531 --> 01:25:55,524
[Group sings hip hop song to music]

1396
01:26:18,181 --> 01:26:19,260
Hi.

1397
01:26:20,558 --> 01:26:21,933
What are you doing here?

1398
01:26:22,018 --> 01:26:23,845
That's Ali up there.

1399
01:26:29,734 --> 01:26:33,518
He's talented.

1400
01:26:46,960 --> 01:26:48,620
[Cheering]

1401
01:26:58,262 --> 01:27:03,423
Now that was the Def Penalty Kru
with Murder Fo' Life.

1402
01:27:04,143 --> 01:27:07,180
Our next big act is Marcus Brewer...

1403
01:27:07,271 --> 01:27:10,641
...singing Roberta Flack's beloved
Killing Me Softly.

1404
01:27:10,734 --> 01:27:12,394
[Laughter]

1405
01:27:13,236 --> 01:27:16,854
He'll be accompanied by Simon Cosgrove
on the recorder.

1406
01:27:19,200 --> 01:27:20,825
Marcus, I can't do this.

1407
01:27:20,910 --> 01:27:23,663
-That lot's going to shit all over us.
-But you said...

1408
01:27:23,746 --> 01:27:27,412
I'm sorry. Here's your £5 back.

1409
01:27:29,753 --> 01:27:31,296
Any moment now.

1410
01:27:31,379 --> 01:27:33,456
[Disgruntled chatter]

1411
01:27:45,602 --> 01:27:48,223
Come on, Marcus, you wally!

1412
01:27:52,443 --> 01:27:53,522
Wait! Wait!

1413
01:27:53,611 --> 01:27:56,018
Excuse me. What is going on here?

1414
01:27:56,196 --> 01:27:59,779
Nothing. Everything's under control.
I'm just his voice coach.

1415
01:28:00,034 --> 01:28:01,528
What are you doing here?

1416
01:28:01,619 --> 01:28:06,080
I heard you were about to commit social suicide,
so I dropped by.

1417
01:28:06,165 --> 01:28:07,872
-My accompanist left!
-Brilliant.

1418
01:28:07,958 --> 01:28:09,832
-You don't have to do it.
-I can't do that.

1419
01:28:09,919 --> 01:28:12,789
Yeah, you can.
Just tell them: Artistic differences.

1420
01:28:12,880 --> 01:28:15,453
You can't work without him.
He had a drug problem.

1421
01:28:15,549 --> 01:28:17,838
My mum wants me to sing it.
lt'll make her happy.

1422
01:28:17,927 --> 01:28:23,087
Look, mate, nothing you do
can make your mum happy, all right?

1423
01:28:23,599 --> 01:28:27,265
Not in the long term.
She has to do that for herself.

1424
01:28:27,353 --> 01:28:31,018
-Get over here right now!
-Just bugger off, will you!

1425
01:28:31,148 --> 01:28:34,648
What I'm saying is, the important thing is
to make yourself feel happy.

1426
01:28:34,736 --> 01:28:38,650
I've tried just making myself happy.
She's tried making herself happy.

1427
01:28:38,823 --> 01:28:41,444
It doesn't work.
You need other people to make you happy.

1428
01:28:41,534 --> 01:28:42,909
But that's just it.

1429
01:28:42,993 --> 01:28:47,158
If other people can make you happy
then they can also make you unhappy.

1430
01:28:47,249 --> 01:28:50,866
What, you think those people out there
are going to make you happy?

1431
01:28:50,960 --> 01:28:52,752
Hang on. Wait. Marcus, don't.

1432
01:28:52,837 --> 01:28:55,162
Marcus! Bollocks.

1433
01:28:56,507 --> 01:28:58,583
[Clapping fades out]

1434
01:29:08,895 --> 01:29:11,386
[Poignant piano notes]

1435
01:29:12,733 --> 01:29:14,441
BULLY: Come on, Britney!

1436
01:29:14,610 --> 01:29:16,768
Yeah, give us a song, then.

1437
01:29:16,861 --> 01:29:18,404
[Laughter]

1438
01:29:23,952 --> 01:29:25,695
This is for my mum.

1439
01:29:31,584 --> 01:29:35,914
[Sings] "I heard he sang a good song

1440
01:29:36,965 --> 01:29:40,547
"I heard he had a style

1441
01:29:42,011 --> 01:29:45,879
"And so I came to see him

1442
01:29:46,058 --> 01:29:49,758
"to listen for a while

1443
01:29:51,480 --> 01:29:55,430
"And there he was this young boy

1444
01:29:56,276 --> 01:29:59,977
"a stranger to my eyes"

1445
01:30:00,072 --> 01:30:01,945
You're rubbish, mate!

1446
01:30:02,032 --> 01:30:03,692
[Laughter]

1447
01:30:07,580 --> 01:30:12,407
[Sings] "Strumming my pain with his fingers

1448
01:30:15,254 --> 01:30:19,466
"Singing my life with his words

1449
01:30:19,550 --> 01:30:21,294
[Boos and jeers]

1450
01:30:26,390 --> 01:30:28,466
[Guitar music begins]

1451
01:30:33,106 --> 01:30:36,723
[Sings] "Killing me softly with his song

1452
01:30:36,901 --> 01:30:38,644
''Killing me softly''

1453
01:30:38,778 --> 01:30:41,186
Who the hell is that?

1454
01:30:41,739 --> 01:30:46,318
"Telling my whole life with his words

1455
01:30:46,452 --> 01:30:52,656
"Killing me softly with his song

1456
01:30:56,921 --> 01:31:00,290
"I felt all flushed with fever

1457
01:31:00,383 --> 01:31:04,048
"embarrassed by the crowd

1458
01:31:04,178 --> 01:31:09,683
"I felt he found my letters
and read each one out loud

1459
01:31:11,561 --> 01:31:15,179
"I prayed that he would finish

1460
01:31:15,690 --> 01:31:18,608
"but he just kept right on

1461
01:31:18,693 --> 01:31:22,477
"Strumming my pain with his fingers

1462
01:31:22,572 --> 01:31:25,608
"Singing my life with his words

1463
01:31:26,243 --> 01:31:27,274
''Killing me softly''

1464
01:31:27,410 --> 01:31:28,869
Give it a rest.

1465
01:31:29,162 --> 01:31:32,862
"Killing me softly with his song

1466
01:31:32,957 --> 01:31:38,462
"Telling my whole life with his words
Killing me softly

1467
01:31:40,465 --> 01:31:43,253
"With his song

1468
01:31:49,933 --> 01:31:52,222
"He sang as if he knew me"

1469
01:31:52,311 --> 01:31:53,224
Will.

1470
01:31:53,312 --> 01:31:55,767
"ln all my dark despair"

1471
01:31:55,855 --> 01:31:56,887
We're finished.

1472
01:31:56,982 --> 01:32:01,774
"And then he looked right through me
as if I wasn't there"

1473
01:32:01,862 --> 01:32:03,320
Will, come on.

1474
01:32:08,994 --> 01:32:10,453
Will, we're finished.

1475
01:32:12,372 --> 01:32:14,246
[Boos and jeers]

1476
01:32:19,213 --> 01:32:22,499
WILL: So there I was,
killing them softly with my song.

1477
01:32:22,592 --> 01:32:25,925
Or rather, being killed.
And not that softly, either.

1478
01:32:26,178 --> 01:32:28,752
I was singing with my eyes closed.

1479
01:32:29,181 --> 01:32:30,557
Was I frightened?

1480
01:32:30,641 --> 01:32:32,301
I was petrified.

1481
01:32:32,726 --> 01:32:34,719
This was definitely not island living.

1482
01:32:34,812 --> 01:32:38,560
"Killing me softly

1483
01:32:39,066 --> 01:32:42,352
"With his song"

1484
01:32:51,912 --> 01:32:53,822
Thank you, Finsbury.

1485
01:32:55,249 --> 01:32:57,954
I'd like to introduce
one or two members of the band.

1486
01:32:58,043 --> 01:33:00,831
Marcus Brewer on vocals and tambourine.

1487
01:33:03,424 --> 01:33:05,133
And that's about it.

1488
01:33:05,218 --> 01:33:07,543
Let's get off quick. Get off.

1489
01:33:08,305 --> 01:33:12,053
Marcus, thank you. For the song.

1490
01:33:12,517 --> 01:33:13,631
You were terrific.

1491
01:33:13,726 --> 01:33:15,221
-You think so?
-Yeah.

1492
01:33:16,688 --> 01:33:19,225
As a matter of fact, I think we should celebrate.

1493
01:33:19,315 --> 01:33:20,478
Okay.

1494
01:33:20,983 --> 01:33:24,685
How about McDonald's?

1495
01:33:25,030 --> 01:33:27,022
-McDonald's?
-Yeah.

1496
01:33:27,115 --> 01:33:28,573
Thanks, Mum, but it's okay.

1497
01:33:28,658 --> 01:33:31,232
No, really. I want to go to McDonald's.

1498
01:33:31,328 --> 01:33:33,035
You know, I'm not really hungry.

1499
01:33:33,121 --> 01:33:37,036
Come on. Are you telling me
you couldn't murder a Big Mac?

1500
01:33:37,125 --> 01:33:38,240
Mum!

1501
01:33:39,920 --> 01:33:41,877
Okay, another time.

1502
01:33:41,964 --> 01:33:43,837
[Soft piano music]

1503
01:33:44,758 --> 01:33:45,789
Any time.

1504
01:33:48,428 --> 01:33:51,097
I'll be around a while, you know.

1505
01:33:59,690 --> 01:34:03,734
WILL: By the following Christmas
things were back to normal.

1506
01:34:04,945 --> 01:34:06,226
TV: Before you came--

1507
01:34:06,488 --> 01:34:09,857
WILL: Every man is an island.
And I stand by that.

1508
01:34:11,618 --> 01:34:16,197
But clearly, some men are part of island chains.

1509
01:34:17,374 --> 01:34:20,660
Below the surface of the ocean
they're actually connected.

1510
01:34:20,753 --> 01:34:23,504
So you're going to marry my mum, then?

1511
01:34:23,839 --> 01:34:25,002
Don't know.

1512
01:34:25,090 --> 01:34:26,205
Why?

1513
01:34:26,675 --> 01:34:28,086
You think she's up for it?

1514
01:34:28,177 --> 01:34:30,750
-I used to want him to marry my mum.
-You serious?

1515
01:34:30,846 --> 01:34:34,215
Yeah. But that was when she was depressed
and I was desperate.

1516
01:34:34,308 --> 01:34:36,182
Thanks, mate. Cheers.

1517
01:34:36,477 --> 01:34:39,846
RACHEL: How do you use this blender-thing?
WILL: You don't.

1518
01:34:40,189 --> 01:34:42,810
MARCUS: I used to think two wasn't enough.
WILL: Christ.

1519
01:34:42,900 --> 01:34:44,774
MARCUS: Now there were loads of people.

1520
01:34:44,860 --> 01:34:47,150
And that was great. Mostly.

1521
01:34:48,989 --> 01:34:52,655
Are you two lazy bastards
gonna get up and help, or what?

1522
01:34:54,078 --> 01:34:56,995
So how do you know Will?

1523
01:34:57,081 --> 01:35:00,995
We volunteered together
at Amnesty International a couple years ago.

1524
01:35:01,085 --> 01:35:04,419
Yeah, that's right.
How is the Burmese situation, Tom? Better?

1525
01:35:04,505 --> 01:35:05,964
I mean good?

1526
01:35:06,633 --> 01:35:09,717
Yeah, and he called me up
out of the blue for Christmas lunch.

1527
01:35:09,803 --> 01:35:11,345
So, here I am.

1528
01:35:11,429 --> 01:35:12,758
Really?

1529
01:35:14,140 --> 01:35:16,014
[Soft piano music]

1530
01:35:20,771 --> 01:35:23,393
So, listen, what's the deal
with you and Ellie now?

1531
01:35:23,483 --> 01:35:26,898
Is she your girlfriend?

1532
01:35:27,069 --> 01:35:28,813
Are you insane?

1533
01:35:30,991 --> 01:35:33,316
Where did you get those trainers?

1534
01:35:33,409 --> 01:35:36,161
-Why? What's wrong with them?
-Nothing.

1535
01:35:36,329 --> 01:35:37,491
What?

1536
01:35:38,206 --> 01:35:40,993
By the way,
I do think you and Rachel have a shot.

1537
01:35:41,084 --> 01:35:44,204
-I mean, if you don't screw it up.
-Thank you.

1538
01:35:46,840 --> 01:35:48,749
WILL: I'd created a monster.

1539
01:35:49,051 --> 01:35:51,044
Or maybe he created me.

1540
01:35:53,931 --> 01:35:56,766
MARCUS: I don't know
what Will was so upset about.

1541
01:35:57,434 --> 01:36:01,135
All I meant was
I don't think couples are the future.

1542
01:36:01,480 --> 01:36:04,351
You need more than that. You need backup.

1543
01:36:05,025 --> 01:36:08,191
The way I saw it,
Will and I both had backup now.

1544
01:36:10,447 --> 01:36:13,733
It's like that thing he told me Jon Bon Jovi said:

1545
01:36:13,826 --> 01:36:15,734
''No man is an island.''

1546
01:36:15,735 --> 01:36:25,735
subtitle by PINOYPIRATE