the traitor

Aventurine has just been drugged - paralyzed stiff like a stone statue - and dragged out of a nerve-wracking, fancy party (while in disguise as someone completely different, no less) by seven of the people he never dreamed of running into at said party. Seven people he never wanted to see here. The Mighty Nein. His new, would-be friends.

He's a traitor to his country, and they all know it, but he did not know they knew until this very moment of being abducted and stolen away. It dawns on him in horror. They know. The seven of them are here, surrounding him. All of their eyes are on him at once.

<a href=https://static1.cbrimages.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Critical-Role-Jester-.jpg>Jester</a> says, "What are you doing?"

"Yes, friend, what are you doing?" <a href=https://pbs.twimg.com/media/F5QZqVrXsAAXHyA.jpg:large>Caleb</a> follows up, tone a little icy. Disappointed.

There is a long silence between him and those seven. A strange, terrible feeling weighs heavily on him. What is this feeling? To break the trust of friends? "I'm sorry," he starts quietly. "You all... weren't part of the plan."

"Well, you know we have a limited amount of time," Caleb says, his tone still cold, "and I would... <i>love</i> for you... to see... the sunrise, so." It's a threat, wrapped up in considerate lenience. He has never heard such a biting thing from Caleb, the soft and quiet and curious man who wanted to learn dunamancy so badly. "If there is a reasonable explanation, we would love to hear it."

Aventurine draws in a slow breath, then exhales quietly. He tells them it is complicated. They tell him they have all night. He reaches out toward a crate and pulls it with magic to himself to sit down. He sighs again. He tells them he has a lot he wants to accomplish, that only one person understood and believed in that idea: himself. He's done terrible things in his life, and he knows they have as well, things they regret. Things they think they are doing for the right reasons. He can't say he regrets what he has done, but he does regret how things have changed since he made that decision. They were not part of the plan.

Jester bids him to explain the plan, that they have been guessing, they don't know if they're right, they're wrong.

"He doesn't want to say it out loud," <a href=https://i.pinimg.com/originals/b4/2c/c3/b42cc378dc62caeeed25d2a465e9bcc0.jpg>Caduceus</a> says, always wise. ("You want to write it down? You want to draw it? Play charades?" Jester offers in.) "No, if he says it out loud he's gonna have to hear what it is, and he's not going to like who he is when he hears it."

They tell him they know he is a good man, and he laughs, wry, bitter. They know he's a good man. He thinks of all the things he has done, and they think he's a good man. "I am but a humble, selfish creature," he tells them. "I'm sorry, sorry that you have all been pulled into this web of lies. When I first saw you arrive with the beacon, one of the two that I gave, I knew I had to be near you to protect what we had done. I had to make sure you did not get too close to the truth. If I could control the direction of your meanderings near this endeavor, perhaps it would have been safer. But what I didn't account for was... liking you all. And there is nothing worse than betraying those you come to care about before you even came to care about them. . . The pain is somewhat comforting because"--a laugh--"I am my own punishment."

"Do you still want what you started out wanting?" Jester asks.

He is quiet for a long time. "I've spent my life working towards it. I think things got a little out of hand."

"What do you want?!" Jester insists.

"I've already told you. There are so many mysteries. My entire life, I have been propped up to be perhaps worthy of one to break those boundaries, to find applications for it to change everything. And if I don't do it, the first person who does, I don't trust them."

Caleb drops down to his knees in front of Aventurine and reaches out to turn Aventurine's face toward him, close. "You listen to me," Caleb says, serious, genuine, "I know what you are talking about. I know. And the difference between you and I is thinner than a razor. I know what it means to have other people complicate your desires and wishes. And I was like you. Was. I know what a fool I have been for years, and I'm looking at him as if I am looking in a mirror. You didn't account for us. Good. That is life. Shit hits you sideways in life, and no one is prepared, no one is ready. These people changed <i>me</i>. These people can change <i>you</i>. You were not born with venom in your veins. You learned it. <i>You learned it.</i> You have a rare opportunity here, Thelyss. One chance to save yourself. And we are offering it. And I am"--Caleb places a hand on his shoulder--"pleading with you to find your better self. He is still there."

"There is no path to redemption for me," he says back. "If... If what has been done comes to light... If what you are seemingly looking to correct is known, then I am a dead man."

Caleb leans in and kisses him low on the forehead between the brows. It surprises Aventurine. He does not know how anyone could stand to be this close to him much less touch him, but Caleb has always been that way, hasn't he? Touching him: his arm, his shoulder.

"Maybe you and I are both damned," Caleb says, "but we can choose to do something and leave it better than it was before."