Thread 32: Stories 16-30

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Gah!" Pommel winced as Doc pressed an alcohol-soaked rag to his cheek, "Damn that stings..."

"Oh, I'm sorry, is infection prefereable?" Doc sneered, "Because I assure you these things were more than likely crawling with SOME kind of bacteria. Horrible creatures, Faust only knows how they were made."

"You're telling me...got any theories?" Pommel asked.

"A few, currently the leading hypothesis is 'This Fucking Tempest', you can't look at a place like this and not assume there's some kind of magic behind it," Doc grimaced, "I'm beginning to think we've made a terrible mistake coming here...but, what can I say? I'm a greedy old bastard at heart. Let me tell you, if this city of gold turns out to be fake, I might just take a long walk off a short plank and not give that damnable pale bull the satisfaction."

"Yeah...speaking of which," Pommel looked around, "Do you know anything about that guy? Daw and Evergreen have history about him, but...hell, I'd like to know exactly what we're dealing with here besides a pissed off minotaur and his gang of thugs."

"Gangs of thugs," Doc corrected, "I guess I can give you the present in leiu of the past. Brahmos is...well, a bastard, of course, and a bully-pardon the pun-but he's also got charisma on his side as well as intimidation. He can make any two-bit lowlife think they can become a king under his leadership, and as such, he's amassed quite the little navy of low-rent corsairs to his banner. Fancies himself some emergent pirate King with the isle of Barkbados as his seat of power, and at his beck and call are three fleets each headed by terrible flagship, Pestilence -where their weapons are poisoned-, Famine -which lashes its captives to the sides and starves 'em to death, lovely folks-, and War -a fuck huge Minotaurian galleon that can reduce most anything to driftwood in one broadside.

"...I'm sorry I asked, wait isn't he missing-?" Pommel started.

"He-that is to say Brahmos-is Death," Doc answered simply.

"...of course, how could I think different?" Pommel sighed, "So it's likely we're fucked if and or when he catches us?"

"Well in theory if you cut the captives of Famine free, they'd fight by your side but, aye, not good odds," Doc shrugged, "I've made my peace with that."

"And thus our plan is to get in, plunder what we can, and get the hell out," Pommel concluded, "Assuming there's treasure to plunder, otherwise we'll just blow the hell out of whatever we find and grab the golden chunks...assuming these bastards weren't just using hyperbole about it being made of gold."

"Let's make a pact, you and I, if that is the case, when we enter the afterlife, we shall seek out the city's architects and beat them within an inch of their unlives," Doc's face actually seemed to show a bit of genuine amusement for the first time Pommel could remember.

"Deal," Pommel replied, "Hey...you looked at Daw earlier, right?"

"Yes, yes I did," Doc said, then blinked, and grimaced, "Now see here you, I don't know what kind of thing you want me to tell you about here, but I will not be breaching doctor/patient confidentiality for the sake of your sick-"

"I just wanted to know if she was alright," Pommel cut him off, "I lot of my plan hinged on her being put in danger, but she's the only pegasus on the crew I knew could do the job...it'd...it'd suck if she got hurt, though, y'know?"

To Pommel's surprise, Doc's face hardened further, "Now listen, you little dolt, I don't know what kind of delicate Canterlot scullery maid you've mistaken our Jacqueline for, but if you would imply for one moment that she wasn't tougher than the very iron your horseshoes are made of, then I'd have half a mind to throw you off this ship myself! Now good day, sir!"

"Look I didn't mean insul-"

"I SAID GOOD DAY!" The earth pony looked away pointedly, "...and tell that slippery little Bilge Rat he's going to have to get that bite on his flank looked at, I won't risk some pseudo-avian plague ruining my chances at striking it rich!"

"I'll let him know you care," Pommel rolled his eyes and exited the Doc's hectic cabin, passing a line up of injured sailors who gave him respectful nods and a few pats on the back. He climbed his way up to the deck, the skies providing little relief between the storms. He looked up and noticed that familiar red bandanna keeping watch in the crow's nest above, he smiled a bit.

Daw gave him a nod as he climbed over the side of the crow's nest, "Doc patch ya up?"

Pommel tapped the fading remains of the cut the harpy had given him, "Yeah, gotta give it to him, he's got the personality of an angry badger, but he's damned good at his job. You alright?"

"It takes a lot more'n some overgrown bird and snake to take me down," She smirked, "I've scarred myself on worse, trust me."

Pommel reclined back against the wooden confines of the nest, "Really? Care to share a few?"

"Heh, well, I dunno if I live th' charmed life of a gardener, but aye, I can spin a tale or two," She smirked, the glint in her eyes showing like the sparks of a roaring inferno, "Lemme tell ya of th' time old Evergreen'n me tried our hooves at running rum into some Minotaur colonies..."

Hours went past, Pommel sitting enraptured by the pegasus mare's stories of her life on the open sea, every tale seemed to have a scar to accompany it, every sting of tragedy a hearty laugh at the tail end. This was a woman that had seen many a heartbreak upon the unforgiving waves, the bloody ends of cherished friends, innocents washed out to join a million souls down in the darkest depths, but at the end of it all she kept a smile on her face, because like an ancient bird of prey, she had perservered until such things no long fazed her. She was...glorious.

"..and by the time that gryphon dandy realized we'd swiped those chalices, th' Regret was already halfway back to Tortoiga!" As time had gone on, the gruff edge to her voice had disappeared, a musical quality creeping in without her even seeming to realize it, "And that was just th' first voyage we had with old Rat on our crew, that little sneakthief proved himself a right boon in th' long run, as you well know, aye?"

"Aye," Pommel returned, holding up a glass of rum, midway through the supposed lookouts had snuck down to raid the store, Daw rationalizing it was important to keep their spirits high with liberal amounts of alcohol, "Hey Daw-"

"C'mon, Pommy-me-lad, you'n I've been through enough that ya can call me Jackie," Daw grinned and took another swig of her tankard.

"Jackie, right, sorry," Pommel nodded, his speech slurred just a tad, "I've...gotta question if ya don't mind me askin'."

"Lad, questions is what I've come to expect from ya, out with it!" Daw tapped a rear hoof to his hindleg, all grins.

"Why's it...why's it I've never seen without that bandanna on?" Pommel managed to get out, "I've seen the mane under it poke out a few times, all nice'n gold, it's real...can I say pretty? ...Daw?"

The mare in question had taken a darker expression, her eyes looking away slightly, "Lad...that question's a loaded cannon, you'd best think before you light th' fuse..."

"I...no, no I wanna know," Pommel said, "After all I've been through, an answer's not gonna faze me much."

'We'll see, lad, we'll see," Daw sighed, a hoof going to her bandanna, she pulled it away. Her golden mane cascaded down with all the ferocity and wildness of a lion, almost luminous in the few stray bits of moonlight that poked through the darkness. It was beautiful, yet Pommel's eyes were glued to a singular spot on her forehead.

Where there sat, blackened and worn, a crude paw-print.

"What is...?" Pommel began.

"It's a brand, the brand of th' slavers of Barkbados," Daw answered him, "Th' brand they gave me not but a few days after me mom pushed me out of th' womb."

"Barkbados, that's where-"

"Don't interrupt me, you called for th' broadside, you'll sit and wait for it to finish. My mom was a house slave for th' Diamond Dogs what ran the place. They had a gem mine where they put all th' slaves to work, pulling opals and the like from the ground if it didn't swallow 'em up and spit 'em out in th' ocean. But she was a clever old nag, my mother, she'd came to that island pregnant with little old me and convinced them if they laid off her, she'd give 'em a future slave AND a clean manor. Few months later, out I plopped, a mewling babe into th' world, and for th' first few years of my life I followed behind her, learning and apprenticing and trying to stay out from underfoot."

She sighed, a pensive look crossing her face, "Sometimes I'd forget what I was, where I was, when I'd bring one of the mine foremen a new order or a meal and get a little pat on th' head, but all I ever had to do was look in a mirror and I'd remember, I'd remember these bastards were the scum of th' earth, that there were ponies breaking their backs down in th' mines so these damned dogs could grow fat and rich off their misery. I longed for an escape out to that wild untamed sea, I wished for a protector, a liberator to come and save us all."

She gave a rueful chuckle, "And then he came to us. Th' only survivor of a raid on a Minotaurian prison barge, a great white bull that claimed to be th' rightful king of th' Grand Labarynth. Brahmos. I'd always see him on my little courier runs, out among the mines, doing th' work of five ponies with ease, his muscled body swiniging a pick like a child's toy. Word traveled on this bull and th' Alpha of th' Dogs, a wolfish bastard named Cracked Fang began calling to test his mettle. And thus he became th' star of Barkbados' arena, fighting whatever specimens the dogs could find for their entertainment. He gained their respect, their love, and eventually Cracked Fang's friendship. Soon it was almost like he was one of th' Dogs, their honorary member, even if they still made him work in th' mines. One night they invited him up to th' Alpha's manor, had him eat from their table. He caught my mother's eyes, and she his."

Daw shook her head, "He took her to th' side and had her spread word among th' house slaves, 'Revolution' he spoke of, 'A grand rebellion against th' Dogs'. I was enraptured by th' big bull, called him 'Uncle Brahmy' sat in his lap. I was a stupid little wench..."

"Hey come on, don't beat yourself up, you were just a kid..." Pommel offered.

She gave him a small smile, "You're a good sort to say that lad, but I dunno if you've really th' right of it. There were signs, aye, signs I should've seen. I should've told ma of th' lustful looks he gave th' island out from the porch of th' manor, of how he looked like he was sizing up everything for how well it could help him. All I could see was th' sea, th' promise of freedom in those beautiful waves. In quiet moments, my mom would start tellin' me of where we came from, an Equestrian colony called Port Solaris. Went there once with Evergreen, y'know, tried to see if me dad was there..."

She sighed, taking on a pensive look, "Found out th' damned fool drank himself t'death not long after ma was stolen away. But she'd speak of this place like a paradise, and I wanted to see it, I wanted to see th' world, lad, all of it."

"So...what happened? With Brahmos, I mean," Pommel asked, scooting a bit around the side of the crow's nest.

"He-come closer ya damned moron, I don't fuckin' bite! That's better- he kept makin' promises and promises, said he was waiting for th' right moment to strike, like a swayin' viper he said...aye, that's a good way of sayin' yer a snake in the grass," A smile slowly broke her face, "Then one day while I was at th' docks, fetchin' some fresh fish fer th' doggies' dinner, BOOM! 'Ole Brahmos got his time to decide made up for him, thanks to this old hunk of timber."

"Captain Evergreen-"

"No, First Mate Evergreen at th' time. Y'see one of th' latest scores th' Dogs took was a little barge from Hackney, y'know that shitehole just below Shetland. Turns out a noble's auntie was on th' barge and got herself collared by th' Dogs. A bounty got put out fer th' bastards what did it and Cap'n Tree Leg-he was called that on account his peg leg always seemed t'be sproutin' greenery, 'cause I know yer wonderin'-decided they could take a few doggies down. Hit th' bastards while their ships were in port, they'd never accounted on someone actually following them to their den, y'see, so they got rocked like some Canterlot Dandy brawlin' with a Shetlander. I hid in an alleyway as the Regret's crew made land, fightin' their way through, 'til a big burly earth pony saw me huddled down in there and hauled me out. I was halfway to relievin' meself on th' ground when he smiled and asked me my name. That's how I met old Evergreen."

Pommel gave a low whistle, Daw chuckled.

"He wanted to send me back to th' ship, but his cap'n wouldn't hear it, said they could use me as a guide. I was happy to oblige, o'course, anything to take down Cracked Fang and his boys. I imagined th' slaves and Brahmos marching on th' manor from th' mines as we did it from th' shore. I stuck behind Evergreen th' whole way, telling him which way to go so he could relay it to his cap'n. Th' pirates cut their way through th eslaves...until they reached th' manor. Somehow a palisade has been put up, a pretty crude defense, but one that those damned mongrels held onto with all they had. Th' pirates laid siege, until th' dogs said their new leader was going to address them. Guess who?"

"Brahmos."

"...rhetorical question, but eh, yeah, it was him alright. He marched upon onto his wall, made this grand speech to th' pirates, saying that they had nothing to fight here for, that he had no intentions to keep th' slave trade going. Tree Leg declared they were there for th' aunt and wouldn't leave until they got her...and...well..."

Daw sighed, "That pale fuck marched her upon onto the wall and...chopped her damn head off in front of everyone with one of his axes, tossed her body right down in front of us. 'Well, you got her, now leave me to my island' he boomed, the fuck. Tree Leg was right pissed at that, ordered an all out assault on th' place. Evergreen parked me on a stump and told me not to move, but that was like tellin' a gull not to fly. Me ma was still in there, and th' other house slaves. I needed to find them and try and get 'em out before they could get slaughtered...I was too late."

"Did he-"

"He butchered Cracked Fang when th' pirates made landfall, made the other mutts fall in with his strength, fuckin' pack mentality. When the house slaves tried to use this to as a go ahead to revolt, he put them down hard. My ma...she...her head was on a damned stick when I snuck in during th' fighting, couldn't hardly believe it..."

A tear had welled up in Daw's eye, the gruff first mate having a tremble in her voice for the first time since he'd met her.

"I knew then and there I had to kill that son of a bitch, make him pay for what he did...I found him dueling Evergreen, Tree-Leg's corpse layin' nearby. I tried to pick up the old cap'n cutlass and use it on Brahmos but...fucker grabbed me, threw me at Evergreen and then...then the old man lost his leg. I still cringe a bit thinking about it. We only got out through luck, like you did, a few of th' crew blindsided the bastard, made him retreat behind his goons, the rest dragged us back to th' ship...my last memory of that day is looking back on Barkbados in flames, knowing that th' bastard that killed my mother was still breathin'. It tore me apart. Since then my one goal in life-aside from the goal of all pirates: Get rich- has been to hunt him down and kill him at last. I started bt refusing to get off the ship the next time they made port, then I worked as a cabin girl, then a crewman, on and on over the years, until the First Mate what came after Evergreen went and got himself killed in a raid and Evergreen chose me to take his place."

Daw exhaled and reclined, "So here we are, lad, you, me, and a history laid bare before ya. So...happy you heard my story?"

Pommel took a moment o consider, then nodded, "Yeah, I am, you got a troubled past, Jackie, no doubt about it, but despite all that...you're probably the fourth most badass lady I know."

"Well I'm glad ya-FOURTH!?" Her look of shocked anger was almost comical, "What'n th' bleedin' hell you mean FOURTH!?"

"Well number one's 42, I mean, that lady suplexed a dragon out of the sky, you don't fuck with that. Two's Diamond Tiara, because she's a filly that can handle weapons twice her size, and three's Potatojack, which is mostly because that weird ass equipment of her's is just so cool," Pommel shrugged, "Sorry the competition's so sti-OW!"

The feeling of teeth closing around his ear made him jump, his eyes going wide as he regarded the darkly smirking mare.

"What the hell happened to 'I don't bite'!?" He asked, leaning away.

She snickered, "That was a nip, lad, I don't think ya really wanna know what a bite feels like."

"Sheesh, just because I said there were ladies I knew more badass than you? Talk about an inferiority-OW! AGAIN!"

She laughed, "Oh ya big pans-OW! WHAT THE!?"

Her ear flicked, she glared at him, he grinned.

"What's good for the goose is good for that gander."

"Of course ya realize, Pommy me lad, this means war," Her eyes narrowed.

His matched hers, "Bring it on."

The wrestling match that followed was...ridiculous, childish, and more akin to a catfight than any encounter Pommel had ever been involved in. But he couldn't help feel it was the only way the two of them could have hoped to unwind after that harrowing story, muscles straining, teeth snapping, going at one another like two schoolyard colts having a spat over who gets the bounciest ball. Ultimately, he found himself pinned beneath her, panting in sync with hers as she grinned wolfishly down at him.

"Ha...ha! Gotcha...ya little shit..." She said slowly, parts of her mane falling into her eyes.

He looked up at her, small shafts of moonlight playing across her face and body she was...beautiful. A thought crossed his mind, a gamble, one that would change his life for the better or for the far far worse.

He made up his mind in a second, he'd come to really appreciate gambles...

"What's the matter? Stunned ya got beat by a-MMPH!"

His lips met hers in a collossion that was nothing in the grand scheme of things, but for the two of them felt like being hit by a freight train. Electricity crackled through their bodies as they pressed against one another, a singular moment with their eyes locked, tongues tentatively poking like mere acquaintances meeting for the first time. Pommel felt a stirring in his soul, as though from hundreds of miles away his friends had sensed this moment and were giving him an appreciative nod.

Slowly their lips parted, they stared at one another.

Then she laughed and kissed him again, shorter, faster, but with more force. He gave her back in kind. She bumped noses with him, even in this her face held that challenging smirk.

"Think you can handle me, lad?" The very air of the question was hot as it met his lips.

"Only one way to find out."

What happened next, well...a gentleman does not kiss and tell...

He did yelp a few times though, turns out she was lying about not being a biter.

===============================

There was a haze in Pommel's mind, a dull thud, like a thought begging to be...thought. He yawned slightly, remembering that he was in the confines of a crow's nest, yes, on a pirate ship, yes, heading for a city of gold, yes. He was missing something, that was for certain...then again the air didn't feel as fresh as it should have been, more lived in, more...Equine, he guessed. He yawned again, slowly and gently shaking off the warm form pressed close to him, he stretched and looked over the side...

And saw the entire crew of the Widow's Regret staring up at him with coyly smiling faces.

"Oh...damn..." Pommel blinked, instantaneously remembering what he'd done.

"So!" Rat shouted from below, "Mate, from what we heard in the night, we down here can only assume two things. Either A, ya went and done what no man on the seas has done, and that's kill Daw in honest combat, or B, ya went and done what no man on the seas has done, and screwed her for all she and you were worth. Care to share?"

Pommel blushed, slowly sinking down over the rim of the crow's nest, stammering. He had NOT taken that decision fully into account. The crew, for their part, looked ready to bust out into laughter at the slightest provocation.

"Come ooooon, mate, at least give us an idea," Rat said, attempting to retain some composure, "Perhaps give us an opinion on your performance?"

Pommel couldn't really think of anything to say in retort...

Which made it fortuitous when Daw sprang up from beside and shouted for all the world to hear, "BEST IN THE FUCKEN WOOOOOORLD!"

She fell to her back, laughing as loud as she could, the crew joining in along with her as Pommel's face turned a deep crimson, even as he barely restrained himself from joining in. He sheepishly looked out over the sea, the turbulent waters of the-no, actually they'd calmed considerably. Well then the deep fog of-...noooo, it was quite clear, a bit of sun was shining even. But sure they were bare as a-

"HOLY SHIT!" Pommel suddenly blurted out, "LAND HO! THERE'S SOMETHING OUT THERE! GUYS! LOOK!"

"What?!" Daw sprang up beside him, looking out over the ocean, likewise below, the crew scrambled for the stern and there they all saw-

A singular golden tower, barely breaking the surface of the water, glinting, waterlogged, in the sunlight.

Silence reigned for a few short moments, then as one, the crew voiced their opinion on this...less than fortuitous turn of events.

"SON OF A BITCH!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Actarius
"JJ"
'Arana'
~~~~~

'I spy with my sixty eyes, something... purple!'

"...could you run that by me again?"

'Purple.'

>Think he meant the 'sixty eyes' thing.

'Oh!... Momma didn't like to lose, so she used her mind-magics to take control of our hives mind, and saw everything through their eyes. That way I could never guess the right thing!'

>And this was a good thing?

'Sciderella laughed.'

>I notice you keep bouncing back between her name and 'momma'.

'Well, uh, technically, I'm not s'posed to call her momma. Since, you know, she didn't love me like a daughter, so I wasn't allowed to call her that till after I ascended.'

>...What? You're not allowed to call her mom?

'Nope!'

"Wait, what does her loving you have to do with her ascending?"

>You don't know?

"Pfft, no! The ascension process is one of the most heavily guarded secrets in all of Changeling history! Nobody but the Queen and her successor is allowed to know."

>Huh. But she knows.

'Right! Cause I was next in line. Until... well, you know.'

>I actually don't, was it bad?

'...Pretty bad...'

"Her hive was infected with a disease that drove Sciderella insane devolved into cannibalism, she only died when they rebelled and killed her as she ate them or something. I don't know the full details, I started hurling pretty hard when..."

'...'

"...You uh... nobody told you what happened, did they?"

'...Eeeeemmm..'

"Aaahhhhh, crud."

>Hey hey hey! Come on, it's okay, no need to cry!

'EEEEEMMMMM!'

>Jugglejack, do something!

"DADADADADAD!"

'EMMUUHHHH!'

"DADADAD-FUCKING HOLES!... Uh oh."

>Not working.

"Not working."

*FWOOSH!*

>Aaaaand, those are legs. Those are giant, evil looking spider legs.

'EEEENNNMMMMMM!'

"Aaand, someone is coming over to check what the noise is."

>Oh fuck, OH FUCK! Uh uh uh-

*WONK!*

*THUMP!*

>JJ!

"Shut up and help me roll the blanket around her! We have to get her to our room!"

>Okay, I love it when you think on your hooves and mix it up a bit, but that was a bit extreme!

"No, extreme is ponies running around going "SPIDER MONSTER! SPIDER MONSTER!" and trying to BURN HER AT THE STAKE! With fire! They will do that!"

>They will no-

"..."

>Happened before?

"A LOT."

>Okay, gonna let you take the lead on this one.

"This might end up painful."

>Meh, learning experience. Gonna have to figure it out sometime, can't just let me have all the fun.

"Hey, I have fun when you do things!"

>Right, right... So, how are we supposed to get to the room undetect- WHOA!

"Will you hush and get on my back already!"

>How!? How are you walking on the walls!?

"Essentially? I'm flying while pressing against them."

>...Oh, that makes sense, thought it was sticky hooves for some reason.

"I don't have sticky hooves right now!... maybe later, that sounds like fun."

>We'll see how the night goes. To the room?

"To the room!"

And thus, out of sight on top of the ceiling, they shimmied their way down the hall.

Completely oblivious to the pair of panicking princesses just below, who rushed by equally as oblivious to them.

Someday, they would laugh about that.

...Someday.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Chrysalis
"Cadence"
~~~

>I'm starting to think nobody appreciates me, you know?

"CHRYSALIS! Just the one I wanted to see!"

>...Okay, you win this round, universe.

"Listen, I need to know how to be cool and liked, so tell me what you normally do!"

>Really? That's... that's kind of...

"..."

>...You just want me to tell you so you can do the opposite, don't you?

"N-nooooo! Wha... whatever gave you that idea!? That's silly, you're silly, being all... silly willy jilly billy! I'm sure you're well liked! Lots of ponies like you!"

>...

"...Shiny likes you! And, uh... Maney! Yeah! Mane-iac likes you! Annnd... um... Two?'

>Not a pony.

"Shoot, okay, options are a bit limited now."

>You guys outnumber mine a thousand to one.

"Right, I just meant in the... the you sense."

>...

"...Celestia likes you, I think?"

>...

"...So, about that help, I could really use- Hey! Where are you going?"

>Go see Shiny. Maybe offer to do some stuff while you're gone, who knows.

"I'd be on this list more often if you'd stop trying to fuck my husband everyday!"

>Well, you did want to do the opposite of what I do, so clearly you should never have sex with him.

"HAH! Jokes on you, I normally do that anyway!"

>...

"...That's not as bad as it sounds! Emotional love! EMOTION! I'm not about the... don't you walk away while I'm trying to explain my lack of sex life! NOT THAT LACKING! Me and him still do it! We do it very lovey and nice! I mean, it's not a LOT lot, but... Come back here! COME BA-...."

{...}

"...In case you were wondering, I'm not actually Princess Cadence. I'm a changeling body double of hers."

{The princess of the Crystal Empire uses Changeling body doubles for... sleeping with her husband?}

"...CRISSY! HELP!"

>Nope.

"PLLEEEEEEEAAAAASSSEEEE!"

>...Damn.

~~~~~one mindwipe later~~~~

{WHERE AM I?!}

>That was so illegal.

"Well, on the upside, you're on my 'like' list again!"

>...

"...I'll just go now..."

{...Who am I?}
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-canon I just have Jolene stuck in my head for some reason
>Cadence
"Spike"
~~~~
"If you want to be cool, why don't you become an idol or something?"

>Hmm...could you give me a beat on the guitar?

"Uh, sure..."
Spike takes out a guitar and plays something http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWy5_H3xrUQ

>Eighteen, Eighteen, Eighteen, Eighteen~
>I'm begging of you please don't take away stallian.
>Eighteen, Eighteen, Eighteen, Eighteen~
>Please Don't take him because you can.
>Your beauty is good as mine
>But you can do my princess work just fine
>and the things you cook don't look a sickly green

>You can actually use numbers good
>While I never really understood
>And I cannot compete with you there, Eighteen

>He talks about you in the keep
>and it just me want to leap
>away so I don't hear your name, Eighteen

>And I can easily understand
>How that's a part of your master plan
>But you don't know what he means to me, Eighteen

>Eighteen, Eighteen, Eighteen, Eighteen~
>I'm begging of you please don't take my stallian
>Eighteen, Eighteen, Eighteen, Eighteen~
>Please don't take him just because you can

>You could have any stallian
>But I could never love again
>He's the only one for me, Eighteen

>I had to have this talk with you
>My happiness depends on you
>And whatever you decide to do, Eighteen

>Eighteen, Eighteen, Eighteen, Eighteen~
>I'm begging of you please don't take my stallian
>Eighteen, Eighteen, Eighteen, Eighteen~
>Please don't take him even though you can
>Eighteen, Eighteeeen~
Spike stops playing and Cadence thinks about it for a moment.

>Eh, I don't think I can make it in the business.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>DT
“???”
~~~~

Well, judging by the time she's spent sliding down, any minute now she would end up on the other side of the planet, approximately. Needless to say, the pole was not kind, in the chafing area.

>You know, I'm starting to think I should have brought ointment instead of weaponry... or weaponized ointment or something... huh, I guess I could use a thick fluid to thin it out, spread it out via a nozzle from a window cleaner and some high pressure air from a hairspray can, and then use it instead of oil slick since it would look less suspicious to order a bottle of ointment-

Her musings met a quick and painful end. The exact level of painful, if one were to measure it, would be on the level of, say, her tailbone being suddenly and violently struck by a sudden stop. A sudden, painful stop punctuated by a circular, disk like bottom of the pole.

It took quite a while for the loud, high pitched squeak of pain to die down.

After sucking in air through her teeth and letting out more than a few words that would make her father bleed from the ears should he ever hear them, she eventually calmed down enough to brush the tears from her eyes and look around. Unsurprisingly, she was essentially surrounded by darkness. Surprisingly, however, was the fact that even though light was shining down on her and she could see herself, she could not see the ground she was surely dangling over. Curious...

>Well, be prepared, as they say.

And prepared she was, of course. A simple chemical blend commonly shared with what a commoner may call a 'glowstick' was all too easy to... 'spice up', as it were, into a much more volatile and bright.

>HOLY EXPLO-JO ALL OVER MY FACEAHHHHHHHH!

Someone might think this an extreme reaction. She, on the other hoof, felt that the discovery that she was so high off the ground was worthy of such a scream. Especially since she could not, in fact, see the ground. She only knew there was a ground at all because she had dropped her 'blind-stick', trademark pending, and despite the fact it could have lit up a small room it was but a barely visible twinkle beneath her.

>Who invests this much in security!? This place is more complicated and messed up than any of the actual ATTRACTIONS! Who would do this, and why!? How is anyone even supposed to...

Oh, of course. How silly of her. How silly NOT to notice the bar tied to ropes. No, really, it's so obvious, Trapeze! Of course they would expect ponies to get around on trapeze bars. In the dark. With no idea where it was even going to end up.

>You know, when I get out of here, I am going to blackmail her SO HARD. There is no way any of this legal.

A sane mare would have probably given up when presented with the idea she would literally have to swing for her life in order to get to an inanimate object that, of course, had no real purpose besides propelling deadly weaponry forward, all for the express purpose of taking 'him' on a roller coaster ride.

She, on the other hand, just grabbed hold of the bar, and pushed off.

To her immense relief, a spotlight lit up the moment she reached an arc, illuminating the path before her as she swung downward. The weight of her various cobbled together weaponry pulled her down, straining her forelegs as she flowed through the air. Figured, of course. TPOSRLIMOTF is nowhere near perfectly calibrated for the optimal blend of weight and durability. It might as well be a damn sewer pipe made to hold a firecracker like some cheap potatogun! But that's okay, it was never meant to be permeant, just a little stooge to use before she got back to you-know-who. A hired gun, as it were. Expendable in a second. Not like...

>YEAH!

She doesn't know where that sudden burst of energy came from, but her hooves had left the bar as light as the air, and she found purchase in the next one down. Like clockwork, she heard the spotlight above her charge to life, and cover her once again. Even though she could see nothing but the bubble of glowing warmth around her, she did not feel afraid.

“What fun.”

Nevermind.

She could hear it. She could HEAR as something gripped the bar behind her. Could hear the strain of something pull on the rope still in motion. And, in the briefest of seconds she took to glance back, she saw the tiny red glow of two beady eyes, and glimmering white fangs.

>...FUUUUUUUUUU-

She put every ounce of her tiny body weight into it now, desperately trying to make the bars swing deeper as she leapt from Trapeze bad to Trapeze bar. Every one of them harder and harder to grip as sweat began to form on her skin, heightened by the increasing sound of something unseen getting closer and closer.

>NOBODY SHOULD TAKE THIS JOB SO SERIOUSLY!

The sounds were closer now, so close, so close! One bad swing, one delay, and it was over. She had to nail every one of them. Had to be prefect. Had to...

>W-where...

There was no bar.

There was no bar waiting for her.

It was nothing but big, blank, dark air.

With nothing to jump towards, she could do noting but allow herself to rock back.

“Too bad.”

That was too close. As she reached the top of her backswing, she knew that it was just far away enough that it couldn't reach her... yet. That was going to change the next time.

“Too bad.”

She pumped everything she had into this forward swing, desperate to get away from it, just for a bit longer! Desperate to... to...

“Fun's over.”

...To make the dumbest decision she's made yet.

And that's saying quite a bit.

At the height of her forward swing, at the most forceful, she let go. She let herself be flung forward into the darkness beyond. She was greeting with the ignition of one last spotlight.

And a platform just barely within reach.

Her brief flutter of her heart and praise for survival had to be cut short, brought to a terrible death by the dark chuckle behind her.

“What fun.”

Fear gave her speed, it gave her sight, and it gave her drive.

>CUT IT OUT YOU OVERZEALOUS FUCK!

From within her pouch, they emerged. The tops of tin cans, hammered and sharpened to a razors edge, circular shape bent and cut to a serrated form. Twisted within their centers was a single pole, perfect for clinging to a grip of a slingshot, and perfect for spinning as they launched.

And launch they did, whirring away like the tiny tops of terror they were, arcing into the darkness, towards where the sound rang most strong.

The snapping, ripping sound told her that she had found her mark.

She didn't even need the whoosh of something falling to confirm it.

Slowly, she let her heart stop beating so fast.

>Crazy asshole.

Far less slowly, she turned to the door behind her back. She had only caught the barest of glances, but it was enough.

Heavy. Weapon. Storage.

>TBDRLIATU...

At last.

It was almost over.

She opened the door, and stepped inside. Just like before, it closed on it's own behind her.

Just like before, she was only a second ahead of a dark shape rising up into the air, blowing out the last spotlight, and a figure enshrouded by the dark landing hard on that platform.

And the grin so wide, that grew even wider.

“Let the show begin...”
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC one-shot that takes place the next day.

>Filthy Rich
“Desk Attendant”
________

No matter where she happened to be, whether in Canterlot or relaxing atop some cloud-skirting chunk of land, the sun always managed to find its rightful place in the sky.

Filthy Rich liked that. He liked the promptness, the on-time delivery, the... professionalism? Ha. He could already hear his longtime associate Harshwhinny going on and on about her fetish for professionals, but he couldn't deny that it was precisely that which earned Celestia his respect on high.

And so he strolled through the sun-baked lanes of Ponyville, waving to the stallions, the mares, the little ones, any who felt that tension zip down their spine at his appearance. He wasn’t royalty, no, not by any means, but when your bank account was second only to the ruler of Equestria herself, well… close enough.

He remembered what it was like, of course. Being that pony peddling their goods on the side of the street. Everyone had to start there, or somewhere of equivalent hopelessness. It built character, after all; forced you to climb up each dirty rung, learning tricks of the trade and etiquette along the way. It certainly wasn’t a world meant for everyone, that shadowy world of business and politics.

>Crush or be crushed. Ah, those were the days.

A mirthless chuckle passed his lips as he ascended the glittering steps that led to the town hall. He almost missed the sun when he walked through the doors and shut them, trading genuine light for what artificial bulbs could spark. He inhaled, deeply, filling his lungs with the leg-trembling smell of legislature, of bills and laws.

>Now let’s see here… I think another couch there would be nice, no? Perhaps replace that light with a chandelier and- oh! These rugs are so drab… expect nothing less than Mayor Mare, so stuck in the days of yesteryear. Well, I’ll soon fix that.

“Excuse me but can I help you?”

At that obviously uninformed calling, Filthy Rich turned around to face the front desk where behind it sat a bored looking mare. The way her face fell at the sight of him, when that recognition sank through her thick skull, it was always an expression that caused Filthy to smile.

And now came the stuttered apologies and head-bowing in three… two… o-

“E-excuse me, sir! I- you- welcome t-t-to town hall, Mr. Rich! Is there anything at all I can do for you?”

Power was such an exotic thing to wield. More than sex, he enjoyed that aura he exuded, the aura that instinctually caused others to castrate themselves with only a glance.

>Yes, I think there is. If you could open the door to the mayor’s office, I would appreciate it.

“Oh… um, s-sir? The mayor is away on v-vacation for the weekend and n-no one’s allowed-”

>Would you like a brownie?

There was no doubt that his sudden question, and the very nature of it, caught the attendant off guard judging by the way her lips flapped noiselessly like a fish out of water. From the inside of his leather jacket, he produced a plastic baggie of brownies, one of which he placed before her.

>My daughter and her friends enjoy brownies, so I bake them. Here, try one.

“…”

>Dear, you look like you’ve seen a ghost. They’re just brownies.

“…”

>You see, my daughter might not know it- or maybe she does, that ingenious little filly- but thanks to her and her friends exploits, insurance rates have skyrocketed, property values are pretty much whatever I want them be, and I’m not talking about strictly Ponyville. Everywhere. Point is, they help me by keeping the flow of business steady so I help them. A sort of ‘scratch my back and I scratch yours’ agreement that they’re blissfully unaware of. They make a mess and I clean it up, while erasing their footprints in the process. Do you see where I’m going with this?

There was that feeling again, that euphoric tingling of power when the attendant quickly snatched the brownie and shoved it into her mouth, wrapper and all.

>There’s a good girl.

A buzzer rang throughout the waiting room, probably via a button flipped under the desk, and the doors to the mayor’s office were opened.

>Ah, I thank you. Enjoy the brownie.

“Yesh shur….”

He had only set a single hoof over the threshold when it struck him like a hoof to the face, that mouth-watering sensation of absolute control. It was here, in this room.

A shame, really, that Mayor Mare didn’t know the prestige she wielded, that she didn’t appear to appreciate the seat of power that she sat her admittedly enticing ass upon each and every day. Or maybe she did and just hand’t a clue how to properly use it?

Regardless, he knew. Oh, yes, he did.

While she tolled away, barely exercising even a tenth of her command and giving those fair-weather dignitaries and ambassadors ‘mouth service’, Filthy felt it his sacred duty to teach her the error of her methods.

>Ponies should be giving you ‘lip service’, Mayor Mare… not the other way around. They should be kissing your hooves just to get ten seconds of your time.

His voice was but a whisper as it bounced around the empty room, and he slowly made his way to just behind her desk, scooting the chair aside.

>But I suppose… if you won’t teach those vagabonds their place, well, I’ll be more than happy to.

His gaze rose, staring straight ahead as though facing an unseen audience.

Then he lifted a hoof over the desk.

Thump, thump!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
NC
Meanwhile..

>Pinkie
"AJ"
'Rarity'
{Dash}
[Fluttershy]
-Twilight-
~~~~

>KARAKOKE TIIIIME!!!

"Yo, Ah'll tell you what Ah want, what Ah really really want,"
'So tell me what you want, what you really really want,'
"Ah'll tell you what Ah want, what Ah really really want,"
'So tell me what you want, what you really really want,'
"Ah wanna, Ah wanna, Ah wanna, Ah wanna, Ah wanna really really really wanna zigazig ha."

>"'{[-If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends (gotta get with my friends)-]}'"
>"'{[-Make it last forever friendship never ends, -]}'"
>"'{[-If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give, -]}'"
>"'{[-Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is. -]}'"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Meanwhile!
>Soarin'
"Spitfire"
~~~~~~

>I'm blue da ba dee da ba die..!

"Original."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

MEANWHILE!
>55
"13"
~~~~~

>CAUSE BABY I'M A FIIIIIIIRE WORK! AND I'LL SHOW 'EM WHAAAAAAT I'M WORTH! MAKE 'EM GO AWE AWE AWE! AS I SHOOT ACROSS THE SK-Y-Y-YYYYY!

"Please get off my dinner table..."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

MEANWHILER2: MEANWHILE HARDER!

>18
~~~~

>Miss independent, miss self-sufficient, miss keep her distance, miss unafraid. Miss out of my way, miss don't let a stallion interfere, no. Miss on her own, miss fully grown, Miss never let a man offer his throne.

>Chrysalis keeping her heart protected, she'd never ever feel rejected

>But Little miss apprehensive... well damn, I fell in love.

>What is the feelin' takin' over? Thinkin' no one for me would open the door!

>Surprise...It's time. To feel what's real

>What happened to Miss Independent? No more the need to be defensive

>Goodbye, old you. When love, when love is true...
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non Canon

>Pommel
"Daw"
'Rat'
-Evergreen-
~Doc~
_Crewmen_

~Ohhhhhhhhhh~

_Oh heave hooooo_

~Ohhhhhhhhhhh~

_Oh heave hoooooo_

~Shiver my timbers, shiver my soul...~

_Yo ho heave hoooo_

~There are men who's hearts are as black as coal~

_Yo ho heave hooooo_

~And they sailed their ship 'cross the ocean blue!~

'A bloodthirsty cap'n and his cut throat crew!'

"It's as dark a tale as was ever told
"Of th' lust fer treasure and th' love of gooold!"

~Shiver my timbers, shiver my sides~

>Uh guys?

_Yo ho heave hoooo_

~There are hungers as strong as the winds and tides!~

>Whole trip coming to nothing? Hello?

_Yo ho heave hooooo_

>Aw to hell with it, AND THOSE BUCCANEERS DROWNED THEIR SINS IN RUM, 'OLE TIREK HIMSELF WOULD HAVE TO CALL THEM SCUM!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
>Redheart
“Nurses”
‘Screwloose’
~~~~~

>What in Celestia’s name…?

“WHAT IS THIS? WHAT IS SHE DOING?”

“I’M GONNA BE SICK!”

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HER?”

Ignoring the revolted cries of her helpers, Nurse Redheart looked away from the security monitor. Then she looked back. What she saw hadn’t changed in the slightest and her stomach only gave another nauseated flip.

Scarlet. Like a child’s art project gone horribly wrong, the view into patient Zero’s room, that is to say, Screwloose, showed them nothing but blood-splattered walls and a floor covered in heaps of torn fur, with bits of rent flesh still connected here and there. But in the center of all that carnage sat Screwloose, the binds of her straightjacket unceremoniously slashed through and flung back; that disturbed little canine-mare was stooped over the body of some twitching carcass, a specimen to her, one that she was three scalpels deep in.

She nicked, she pricked, she cut and she tore, digging and digging, but for what, none of her terrified viewers had a clu-

A sudden stream of blood escaped the wound she was currently invested in, arching high and striking her in the muzzle. She blinked, pausing only for the slightest of seconds before offering up a broken giggle and resuming her work, only this time at a different angle.

>Screwloose, why-

But Redheart’s train of thought was derailed by the sudden explosion of yells around her and the sound of moving hoofsteps.

“Who is that- who’s down there?!”

“Damn it, this is why we go in there in groups of three!”

“Team seven get down there! Full force sedatives!”

>NO! Wait a minute, something doesn’t seem right!

“While we wait there’s a life hanging in the balance, Redheart!”

“We don’t have time for this! Let’s go!”

Traveling well below the hospital had never been accomplished in so quick a manner but to Redheart, as she was reluctantly moved and jostled with the group, the journey seemed to take little more than a blink, and then she was staring up at the notched steel door to Screwloose’s room.

Behind her, she could her the ominous sound of syringes being prepped.

“We ready?”

“Ready!”

“Remember… beyond this door is a deadly mare. Give her no inch, strike with purpose.”

>I’m telling you all this is a mista-

“GO!”

The stallion near the door pushed in the security code and it flung open, wide, and the moment it did, no less than six ponies rushed in.

But they all came to an abrupt halt, utterly perplexed, when they spotted the rooms interior.

“What the…?”

“How… how is this possible? We saw….”

There was no blood splashed up against the walls. There were no mangled clumps of fur strewn about the floor. Everything was spotless.

Even Screwloose, as she sat cross-legged upon her immaculate bed, still wrapped up in that rib-crushingly tight straightjacket. She offered them the goofiest of smiles.

‘Gotcha.”

Later, they would discover that Screwloose had tampered with the security camera, setting it to show a certain loop thanks to a specially crafted chip. How she had done it was anyone’s guess, but that didn’t stop two very irate helpers from trying to stick the manic pony out of sheer anger. And that, in turn, did not stop Screwloose from laying them both out with just her hindlegs.

Nurse Redheart only stared down at them.

>I told you so.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>DT
“???”
~~~~~~

You know what she really hated right now? Music. Music in all of it's various forms and states. Music just, as a concept. Some may say this was based entirely on this odd path she was walking, wherein' every step she took was punctuated with a loud chime as if from a badly tuned piano and a bright, odd colored panel igniting beneath her. They would be right. It did not make it every better with every TING! TONG! DUN DEE DUN! With every step, but at least she had a valid reason why seeing red light up beneath her made her literally see red. Perhaps if she could see anything but the path she was on, would be more calm, but alas.

A loud igniting sound of a spotlight charging to life nearly made her heart stop beating. Only for once, it wasn't pointed at her, instead it's glow illuminated the spot just next to her. Though it had been not a few feet away, she realized would never have known that podium was there otherwise. Confusingly, the podium was empty, the only indicator something was supposed to be there at all was the tiny plaque on the front.

>Ch.... Chucktruck, the crusher?

As if summoned by her words, a loud music that all too eerily reminded her of what would play as a wrestler walked onto the stage rang in her ears, and the light shut off.

When it returned, the podium was bare no longer. A tall, overly buff looking statue of a clown stood upon it, reared back on his hind legs and holding a massive weight above his head. The music continued to play, as if waiting for some sort of accompanying announcer that would never come.

>...O...kay...

Slowly, she moved away from it, trying not to jump when the light and accompanying music abruptly shut off.

She failed the 'not jump' thing when, of course, another one popped on.

This one had the distinct plaque reading “The Bedazzling Beardstromo!”, and the accompanying music this go round was a much more solemn, almost chanting tempo. Just like before, the light flickered off for just half a second, and just like before it returned with the statue of a clown pony, legs crossed in meditation, and a massive beard coiled about him like a snake.

Just as before, when she moved away the light and music died a quick death. Just as before, it started again a few paces down.

“The Fantastic Flopsy!”, a pegasus clown with comically oversized wings and some overly dramatic rendition of Ride of the Valponies to accompany it.

“The Dancing Discorono!” a clown dressed up in Disco attire, because of course there was.

>ENOOOOUGH!

Wasting no more time, she took off in a dead sprint, ignoring the horrible sounds she was causing, like a cat running across the top of a piano, and subsequently ignored the flickering on and off of spotlights as she flew past, ignoring the empty podiums that she only caught the barest of glimpses of.

Just had to get to the end. The end was all that mattered. Fuck this storage area, fuck this attraction, fuck this place, fuck that stalker, fuck everything! Just get to the end. Just get... to the..

CLANK!

>OW! SON OF A PENNILESS GUTTERSNIPE TURNING TRICKS FOR POSION JOKE ON THE CORNER OF...

T-the... the cage!

THE CAGE!

The cage where they kept all of the weapons! The beautiful, beautiful sight of the weapons storage cage.

She almost wanted to cry.

Wasting no time, she unsheathed TPOSRLIMOTF, and took a few steps back. He only had four shots.

She only needed one.

Ooooh, it felt so GOOD to feel that rush of heat, that pop in her ears of pressure, that glorious light that made her look away, if only for a moment, and that satisfying CLANG! of metal hitting floor. Joyously, she strutted forward, ignited another 'blind-stick', and looked inside.

>...FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Her obscenely loud high pitched scream was only made even louder by echo of the empty room before her. Not a single thing, weapon or otherwise, inside.

“Too bad.”

She did not scream. She did not jump. She did not even turn around. She just snapped her mouth shut, cutting off her cry of rage, and took a long, deep, deeeeep breath.

>...Do you like money, mister?

Surprisingly, the honking hoofstep noises stopped.

>I thought you might, everyone likes money. Money is oh so useful in this world, you know? Right now, what's your wage? Pretty decent? Above average, dare you dream? Or is it the much more likely minimum wage, enough to keep that roof over your head but hardly enough to give you access to the finer things in life. Blimp rides, train tickets, traveling across Equestria, this would take you years to save up just for the briefest of excursions. You know what that money is to me? It's my allowance. It's about half of what gets spent on my birthday. It's just another day for me.

She finally turned around, able to see the piercing red eyes in the darkness.

>But for you? It's freedom. I have a proposition for you, and listen to it well. Pinkie or Cheese Sandwhich will never be able to pay you as much as I am offering you right now, do you understand? The amount I am willing to part with in this moment would bankrupt them if they made it your salary for a year. You take this job seriously, that's admirable, but in this next moment you are going to have to decide if you want to be the security guard who is just known for taking this job so very, very seriously... or the one who gets to ride on a yacht and sample some well cooked seaweed dashed ever so lightly in Egon Muller-Scharzhof Scharzhofberger Riesling Trockenbeerenauslese.

She didn't even try to hide the smirk on her face at the flicker in it's eyes.

>That's a wine, by the way. A very expensive one. How expensive? If you say no, right now, in this moment, too expensive for you to ever dream of smelling, or being allowed in the same room as. But it does not have to be that way, not at all. You can, at last be rewarded for your perseverance, your can-do attitude that has forced me into this position. You've won, and will live the good life, so long as you make one last good choice.

Her eyes narrowed, and grew hard.

>Where. Are. The. Weapons.

They just hung there, two beady red eyes in the dark, wide, unreadable. A silence as choking as the dark that surrounded them.

And then she heard it. The loudest, most insane laughter she had ever heard in her life.

SNAP!

The lights suddenly came on, blinding her and forcing her to cover her eyes. It was only after the stinging died down that she could wearily re-open them. Blinking away the bright spots still lingering in her vision. She was once again greeted with the sight of a row of podiums... and a single, tall cardboard cutout of an arrow pointing upward dead set in the middle of the path she had just walked, no sign of her pursuer.

Suspicious, she slowly tilted her head back... back... baaaackk...

>...You've gotta be fucking kidding me.

It was... it was all over the ceiling. Large, massive pink globs of what looked like cotton candy. Strings wrapped around dozens of shapes in bloated, misshapen cocoons. Every shape and size stretched out across the ceiling, suspended by what should have been easily torn away-

>SEXYYYYYYYY!

He was up there! She knew it, she just KNEW it! That shape somewhere near the center looked EXACTLY like the box Pinkie had so callously stuffed him into!

>I'm coming baby! Don't worry, I'll get you... get you down...

As if responding to her, a separate blob began to lowed from it's place, creeping down at a slow, easy pace towards the ground.

It was only as she followed it when it neared ground level that she suddenly noticed all of the 'statues' that she had passed were now standing in a line before her. Lined up perfectly on either side of a podium that had materialized where the arrow had been.

With a POP! The cotton candy cocoon exploded, and a pony decked out in a swank, fancy suit and top hat, stood tall.

{PRESENTING THEEEEEEEE RAMBUNCTIOUS RANCOUS RINGMASTER, RIIIIIINGOOOO!}

Confetti and flashing lights went off all around him, and the lion tamer whip taped to his hoof cracked in the air while the clown ponies below struck a pose.

{GET READY, FOR THE GREATEST SHOW ON EAAARTH!}

>...You've gotta be fucking kidding me.

“Fun.”

She could not see where, exactly, the voice had came from. But she felt it's presence. Oh, she felt it.

“Let the show begin.”

And like all good shows...

It started with a bang.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Trixie
"29"
'MM'
[???]
~~~~

>And just what are you doing?

"What does it look like? I'm calling the front desk again!"

'Oh, Niney! She can handle herself, no need to worry.'

"I do not worry for her soul so striped and cross! I am instead of worry that she has snapped amidst this horrible place and decided to conjure up something to kill us all."

'Horrible? I'm having fun.'

>Speak for yourself.

'We'll do better tomorrow, right?'

"You imply that I will in any way assist her."

>I help you all the time!

"You eat my food and won't even let me use my bed!"

>You don't even need it!

*SLAM!*

[Enough with the ringing for my safety, I am starting to go crazy.]

"Well excuse me for being worried!"

'He was just worried about you, Zecora.'

[...Oh, alright, I suppose your gesture was nice. Now please, scooch from the bed so I may have a slice.]

>Oh no! This bed is now in the control of the GREAT and POWERFUL TRIXIE!

[...Share.]

>Do you know who you face, common zebra!? Trixie's might is beyond yours, beyond any! Her magic unto a level you've never seen, never dreamed! For she, is the most great, and POWERFUL UNICORN OF ALL TIME! NEHNEHNEH!

*POOF!*

And just like that, she dropped. Unmoving in a second.

"...Was that poison?"

[Meh.]

Uncaring, she gripped the blue unicorn by cape, and chucked her right into a wall.

'...ow.'

"You... uh... you want the bed to yourself? I'm on the floor."

'I've got the couch. Offered to share, but no room...'

[...Meh.]

'I have no idea what that means.'

With a THUMP! Zecora went face first on the bed.

[...Meh.]

"...floor it is."

'Good call.'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
NC

>Someday, years into the future, Equestria was burning.
>How did she pull it off, they wondered.
>She was an earth pony. She had no grand magic, no fantastic strength, she could not even fly.
>And yet she stood above them all, even gods laid low. Magic, technology, it didn't matter.
>She was persuasive enough to turn the masses with a speech.
>Clever enough to outwit the most brilliant.
>Ruthless enough to backstab even those closest to her.
>And there, at the end of it, she stood proud in Celestia's throne room. Her army standing tall and proud behind her, and the solar Princesses laid low.
>It was only now, with her smirk of victory, that Celestia bowed her head, and conceded.

"...FINE! Okay! You can marry your rocket launcher!"

"THANK YOU! Was that so hard!? C'mon, TBDRLIATU! We've got to start sending out the wedding invitations."

"...Freakin' robosexuals."

----

"You could have helped, you know.'

{Ah want no part in this, this here robosexy stuff is unnatural, ya' hear?}

"Says the mare that went on a date with a dragon. A TEENAGER dragon."

{...Ah' stand by mah' previous statement.}

-----

"77, you're giving me away."

"1, I took shrapnel during your rampage, 2, what about your father?"

"Well I tried to get him in on this but he only gave me a tray of brownies and a post it note reading 'Nnnnope!'"

"...give me a few of those brownies and I'm in."

"That's the spirit!"

----

"What do you mean, no!?"

"...No! I'm not presiding over your wedding, you exploded my house!"

"ONE TIME!"

"I'll do it! Totally can, I'm a minister and everything."

"...Uh, wow, really?"

"Yep!"

"Why?"

"Let's just say in my search for "Gods", I got a little crazy."

"Works for me! Come, dinosaur changeling, and let us get you a snazzy priest attire!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________