The Professional, Chapter 2 - One Odd Night

>You are Anonymous.
>You are a professional, in every sense of the word.
>And, somewhere along the line tonight...
>You have fucked up.
>Hoo boy, have you fucked up royal.
>The blue mare glares at you, using unicorn magic to hold your prop spear up to your neck, teeth grinding in righteous fury from behind flushed cheeks.
"Please, madam...I think there has been a mistake..."
>"Oh, you better bucking BELIEVE it!"
>If you could just reach your taser...
>"HOOVES WHERE I CAN SEE THEM!"
>Shit...
>You raise your hands in compliance, unable to even swallow the knot in your throat for risk that she'll stick you like a holiday ham.
>"So, what's this? Think that because you're royal guard you can just barge in and have your way with me? Are you some kind of primate rapi-"
"WHAT? No!"
>Colgate blinks and flinches at your outburst as you sit up.
"Madam, I am not some base criminal! My name is Anonymous...and I am a gigolo. I was hired on your behalf, however I NEVER expected you to not be aware of my arrival..."
>Colgate lowers the spear further, her snout wrinkling in confusion. "Giga-what?"
"Gigolo. I am a...stallion for hire, as it were. Clients pay me for my service and affections...normally of a sexual nature."
>"Wait, ponies actually pay you to break into their homes and molest them?"
"Well, I wouldn't be so crude...I am a companion. I am paid to make ponies happy, even if just for a few hours."
>"And...somepony hired you to...provide that service to me?"
>You nod as you stand, Colgate setting the spear aside.
"Yes. Being hired through an intermediary is common on birthdays, especially for first time clients."
>Colgate snorts as her lids lower in annoyance. "Berry Punch I'll bet. Always thought I was a bit stuck up..."
"I see...well, I apologize for the...shock. I'll just be going..."
> As you turn to leave, the blue mare's voice rises in protest, causing you to pause.
>"Wait."
"Yes?"
>"I'll make you a deal. If you stay and talk to me about yourself, I won't call the cops."
>Is this mare serious?
>You've been paid for conversation before, usually as a lead up to more amorous activities.
>But, an interview? About you?
>That’s crazy! What kind of whack job…
>Then again, she did say it was that or she calls the –real- Royal Guard…
>Hmm…get arrested as a pervert…or run the risk of waking up dismembered in a duffel bag with two missing kidneys and only half your liver.
>Choices…
"...Agreed."
>Colgate claps her hooves together in excitement, almost startling you with the speed of her mood swing.
>"Excellent! Please, have a seat! Make yourself comfortable! I'll put a pot on for tea right quick..."
>The unicorn titters and hums happily, trotting off into the kitchen as you take a seat on the worn sofa, grabbing your shirt and slipping it on.
>It's not too late to run.
>Just make a break for it. Screw the commission, get out...
>But she said it's this or she calls the guard...
>It's certainly difficult to make a living behind bars for molestation...
>That and you sell yourself for bits, not cigarettes.
>Before you can settle on a course of action, Colgate returns with a pair of steaming china cups filled with a fragrant beige liquid.
>”How do you take it?”
“Oh…two sugars, please.”
>You curse your indecisiveness as Colgate sits across from you, adding two sugars to one of the cups and sliding it to you.
>Well…at least your indecisiveness kept you out of a guard cell.
>You pick up the tea and stir it with a practiced hand, the spoon clinking gingerly against the sides of the cup as Colgate prepares her own.
>Splash of milk? Hmm…
>Different strokes, you suppose.
“So…an interview? What would you like to know?”
>The multi-toned blue unicorn cocks her head as she stirs her tea, like you just asked her what that stuff you were breathing was.
>”Like to know? Everything!”
“…Everything?”
>”Everything!”
>…
>You wonder if it’s too late to go to the stocks.
>With a ragged sigh, you sip your tea.
>…
>Huh.
>At least Miss Colgate can make a decent cuppa.
“….Everything. Right…If I may, Miss Minuette, I’d lik-“
>”Colgate.”
“Colgate?”
>”Colgate.”
“…Right, well, Miss Colgate…I’d like to ask a liberty as part of our new contract.”
>She eyes you suspiciously.
>”I…suppose…what is it?”
“If I may, I’d like to avoid discussion of my childhood.”
>You frown and look down at your folded hands.
>”Your childhood?”
“It is of a…personal nature.”
>”Oh…well, I suppose that’s fine.”
>You blink and look back up as Colgate sets out a voice recorder, the little orange light indicating it was on and running as she pulls out a notepad, a quill hovering in a light blue field of magic as she sits, devoting to you her full attentions.
>”In that case, where would you like to start?”
“Well…I suppose you’re interested in my career choice…I admit, it is not an average one, but it is something I have been doing since I was a teenager, long before I came to Equestria…”

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>You and her talk for hours.
>For her part, Colgate seems very interested in just about every detail of what you have to say.
>Always with a question, a question on top of a question.
>A question on top of a question, on top of another question, rolled up in yet one more question, all served with a side of a question asked fifteen minutes prior.
>It’s a bit mind-boggling.
>For some reason, the scrutiny into your life is not as intrusive as you imagined it would be.
>The two of you share a chuckle as you finish recounting one embarrassing situation that ended with you learning the differences between male and female griffons.
 >”Oh Celestia,” Colgate manages between snorts. “Even I know the beak is a dead giveaway!”
>You laugh.
“Yes! I’m lucky he only punched me! If he clawed me, it might have left a scar!”
>She snorts again. “I can see why that would be a problem.”
>That snort reminds you of one of your more infrequent clients, a rather bookish librarian.
>As the two of you share a final chuckle, a thought crosses your mind.
“Miss Colgate?”
>”Yes, Anon?”
“I was curious…you were certainly in your rights to call the guard on me…why did you ask me for an interview? Are you some kind of journalist?”
>”Me? A journalist? Oh no, I have never been –that- desparate…”
>Reassuring to know.
>”No…I’m a writer of books…or at least, I –want- to be. I mean, my day job helps me pay the bills, but I really want to write books.”
“Oh? And how does this interview fit into it?”
>She blinks for a moment, apparently confused.
>”…Oh! Yes! Sorry…I kind of stopped thinking of it as an interview for a moment.”
>She giggles dismissively.
>You smile a little. You briefly had the same notion, like talking with a good friend, one genuinely interested in what you were saying, rather as a way to get her motor running.
>”Well…I thought it would help my writing. By getting to know a wide variety of p0nies, I can create more realistic and interesting characters.
“Ah, makes sense…”
>You check your watch.
>Oh wow, how long have you two been talking?
>Putting on a genuine smile, you stand as Colgate looks on a little confused.
“It has been a pleasure, Miss Colgate, but sunrise is in thirty minutes. To protect my client’s identity, it is my practice to return home before sunrise and p0nies see me leaving my client’s homes.”
>”Oh…” Colgate stands and walks with you as you gather your things and head for the door. “I suppose that makes sense.”
>You smile.
“Well, Miss Colgate, as far as clients go, this is the most pleasurable night I have had in a long time. Of course, should you require my services again, you can contact me.”
>She flushes a little.
>”Yes, well…I doubt I’ll be asking you for your usual service anytime soon, but…how much to just sit and talk?”
“Hmm…throw in a cup or two of that tea, and I may be able to work in a discount.”
>She smiles earnestly.
>”I will keep that in mind.”
“Yes…Good night, Colgate.”
>”Good morning, Anon.”
>With that, she closes the door with a soft click.
>You turn and jog home.