Psst,
Your as is grass and i’m gonna mow it,
Leave me alone,
If a girl were to say this to me i would laugh and fall in love,

Dismantling the b slur, how okay boomer is a victory for russia,
Literally what the frick is going on,
Jeff, calm the frick down,

I can explain,
Am i the only one that really wants this guys explanation,

Shh no worries you can trust me am doctor,

You remind me of mac and cheese,
How so,
I love mac an cheese,
Smooth motherfricker,
This got a lot of notes overnight, wow i’m glad y’all think my boyfriend is such a cutie,

I want ot write the kind of short stories you read in english class that are on this weird level of surrealism that they still haunt you years down the road,

Me, a nun, about to be excommunicated from the church,
Uh oh sisters,

Got crunchy joints, crispy bones, popcorn ankles,
Pop pop pop pop that’s me gettin out of bed,

Reblog with your weird group chat name in the tags,
I don’t have friends,

Taika waititi would not be afraid of using toxic by britney spears during a fight scene,
Oscar winner taika waititi would not be afraid of using toxic by britney spears during a fight scene,
Oscar winner taika waititi would put britney spears in the fight scene and she would win,

People who argue over who’s the better, gay, fictional wizard, gandalf or dumbledore, are both wrong,
It’s merlin from the sword in the stone, 1963,

My favorite thing about okay boomer is that, instead of arguing, the youth unconsciously and collectively decided to literally just verbally wave boomers off and treat them like children who won’t shut up and i think that’s beautiful,
It’s great to see kids realize that nothing upsets boomers like dismissing them they way they dismiss anyone younger than themselves,

Tell him you’re excited to have his last name and then marry his brother,
This is some shakespeare level shade,

Ideas, motivation, talent,
Never has a graph been more of an accurate representations of the exact data it’s trying to convey,

Professor jiggly is loose in cat room,
Professor jiggly no,

Movie concept, sharknado versus storm from x-men,
She can control the tornado, but not the sharks,
Who is this,

Ground control to major tom,
So long space cowboy,
Space, meowboy,

Knife thrower throws their blades at me but i, a sword swallower, swallow them all perfectly,
Eventually they run out of knives and i begin my first round of attack by spitting them back,
You fool, now they have more knives to throw,
And so the cycle begins anew,

They call me a snack cause i’m coated in maple syrup and they can’t catch me,
Hey o p, what the frick does this mean,
I have no idea, i have no memory of posting this,

Look at the kittens,
These are turtles,

Dad turns his six year old son’s drawings into reality,
Heartwarming, man uses godlike powers to create grotesqueries for his precious son,

I love working at joann fabrics today a guy asked me to show him the fake fur and when i did he goes, nooo, this won’t do,
And part of my job is giving advice for projects so i asked him what he was using it for and he looks down at the floor and quietly says, i wanna make a yeti costume to scare people with when we go skiing,
Scooby doo villain,

Ariel you stupid idiot your bra doesn’t match your tail, you look like a freaking fashion catastrophe,

If you ever feel like you’ve screwed up, just remember that in 1348 the scots thought it would be a good idea to invade england because the english were weakened by the plague,
They subsequently caught the plague themselves, went back to scotland, and killed half their own population,
Mistake,

I’m a snail and god is salting me,
I think about this post every time the lights at work are too bright and hurt my eyes,

Can i wear a waist trainer if i’m 6 months pregnant,
Wouldn’t recommend,
Too late my baby gonna come out with a snatches waist,

Hey,
Broccoli dog,
It’s a broccollie,

What if someone tried to mug me and all they got from my pocket was this,

When birds fly they’re like, t-posing in the sky, y’know,
I’m glad you guys hate this post it was my intention,

Eyelashes you are suppose to prevent stuff from falling in my eye but when you fall in my eye then what am i supposed to do, you were my last line of defense and you betrayed me,
How eyeronic,
Get off my post,
You don’t have to lash out,

What flavor lipgloss is that,
Pspei,
Fnata,
Cola coca,
Spurt,

There are only 2 genders,
Goth, and jock,
How to be joth,
Joth is a hybrid between being a goth and a jock,
Ever wanted to play sports but not be a conformist at the same time, now you can be a jock and goth all while being accepted, avoid conforming, this may be easier said than done, depending,
I was wrong,

My mom meant to post a picture of her dog and posted a picture of a turkey instead,
Love my baby girl so much,

If i were a nun i would wear heelies and glide everywhere just to frick with people,
No Don’t do that,

Screamapillar,
Species, screamapillar,
Status, alive,
Thank god he is still with us,

Villain, i did bad,
Hero, i mean, you did good at being bad,
Villain, oh, thank you,
Hero, awkwardness intensified, no problem,
Villain, tearing up again, no one has ever told me i’m good at anything,
Hero, where are your parents i just want to talk,

You think i’m evil, right,

Thank you perry the platypus,
Thank you,

How could i live in the same house as this vicious monster,
I’m trembling with fear,

I respect linguistic differences and all, but every time i hear an american utter the words, where’s waldo, i die a little more inside,
The funny stripey man’s name is waldo and i will go to war over it,
His name is wally you bland motherfricker,
I will sink your fricking island you old lady worshipping toe sucker,

Sorry bro but according to my calculations you now have to kiss me on the lips,
Bro it’s in the math right here i checked it with a calculator and everything,

In my old age i have forgotten the words to like a g 6,
I was terrified for a moment but then felt relief wash over me as like a g 6 began playing in my head, i don’t know why i was so emotionally invested,

Be my hat boy,
No fadda,
What did you seh to me,

If the winter soldier was responsible for the kennedy assassination and magneto tried to stop the kennedy assassination then that must mean somehow magneto lost a fight to a guy with an entire arm made of metal,
Marvel writers sweat intensely,

The plot twist in infinity war is that peter parker had the soul stone the whole time because he just thought it was a cool rock and picked it up,
Plot twist twist, it’s in ned’s backpack,

Me, at 3 a m, in the middle of yet another personal crisis,
I need to learn 2 instruments, 1 craft and 5 languages, immediately,

Is this too kinky to reblog,
Me when i see a wonder bread ad on my dash,

Reactor, a whimsical balancing house that spins with the wind and tilts like a seesaw from side to side,

Cool, i love motion sickness,
I would love to live in this, life would be my own little personal nightmare heckworld,

Today i learned that until 1948 7-up contained lithium citrate, a mood stabilizer used to treat manic states and bipolar disorder,
Put it back,

He’s flatlining, doctor uwu,
Sees light at the end of the tunnel, what’s this, owo,

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think oh no it’s a cop,
Now we’re asking the real questions,

When your friend does something stupid in public and you can’t stop them,
Occipital lobe,
Frontal lobe,
Parietal lobe,
Temporal lobe,

A kiss,

Tumblr is ruining me because at first i didn’t even see anything wrong with this,
There is nothing wrong with true love,

The furby, having acquired a mind of it’s own, silently wraps around its prey, death is certain,

A short question for our statistics, are you,
A man,
A woman,
None of it,
I identify as a man but the sheer audacity of the third option’s energy is making me question if i made the right decision,

Can people like, stop having a concept of me in their head,
No object permanence here,
I only exist when i’m right in front of you, no memories allowed, thanks for understanding,

Stranger, this is na,
Stranger, ian,
Stranger, i spelled my own name wrong,
Stranger, i must go,
This is my favorite i cannot put it into words poor ian,

Why is yikes plural, why so many yike,

Security called me at work today and told me they saw me outside chasing a frog around on the security cameras,
I wasn’t in trouble they just wanted to let me know they saw me, i didn’t catch him,

When the sun hits the pelican beak at the right angle, you can see inside of it,
He is trying to find his son,

Every photo of a shoebill eating is progressively worse than the last,

The one exception, this gentle boy who just wants to share a snack with you,