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  1. 21:23 <Liam_Quinn> "Okay..." I go into my room, ask Lisa to play elsewhere in a soft manner if she's there, and close the door behind Raz should she follow. I sit down on my chair. "What do you want me to say?"
  2. 21:24 * Rasia folds her arms, setting her jaw. "What the hell did you mean, Quinn? 'That way'? What way? Why did you cry in the hospital?"
  3. 21:25 - Keifru changes nick to KuteboldCeifru
  4. <Liam_Quinn> "... Why does that bother you?"
  5. 21:26 * Liam_Quinn gives a look of slight confusion.
  6. <Rasia> "BECAUSE IT'S CONFUSING! You're supposed to be this soldier, but you're all over the fucking map!"
  7. 21:28 <Liam_Quinn> "Soldiers aren't just what they are on the battlefield, why can't I? I was happy was all..."
  8. 21:30 <Rasia> "But why? Why were you so happy?"
  9. 21:31 <Liam_Quinn> "I... I'm not entirely sure..." I'm kind of just realizing this myself...
  10. <Rasia> "Bullshit! Nobody feels things for no reason!"
  11. 21:34 <Liam_Quinn> "It's not that... I just don't really understand the reason." I pause and measure my words. "At least a part of it was that I was glad that you were there..." my face feels a little warm. Odd, I don't really remember such a reaction happening before...
  12. 21:37 <Rasia> "But why wouldn't I be? I...what?"
  13. 21:38 - Fires|Paper changes nick to Fires|Away
  14. * Liam_Quinn is getting a bit uncomfortable. "Listen, if this is all that it's about..." I move for the door to open it.
  15. 21:39 <Rasia> "Okay, okay. Whatever. ...I need to come clean about something else."
  16. <Liam_Quinn> "Hmm?"
  17. 21:40 * Rasia gestures to his safe. "I...kinda broke into your stuff. I watched some of those videos. I think that's why I've been having nightmares."
  18. 21:41 - Joined: Charles_Fournier (
  19. <Liam_Quinn> "Yeah, I know." I go back to sit down and sigh.
  20. 21:42 <Rasia> "You...know? And you didn't say anything?"
  21. 21:44 <Liam_Quinn> "I wanted you to come to me with it on your own, besides, when I noticed it wasn't a very good time for me to talk to you about it."
  22. 21:45 <Rasia> "...When'd you figure it out?"
  23. 21:46 <Liam_Quinn> "Thursday, before we went down the range. I'm pretty sure that was the first time I showed you it..."
  24. 21:48 <Rasia> "Hn. ...You're still not mad."
  25. 21:50 <Liam_Quinn> "Why would I be? I'd really have rathered it if you didn't see those things, that side of me, but I can't be mad at you for being curious..."
  26. 21:51 <Rasia> "You got plenty mad the other day. Whaddyou mean that side of you? You're not like that anymore, aren't you?"
  27. 21:54 <Liam_Quinn> "Sorry, I was frustrated...  And yes, I am like that, but not all the time, only when I need to be. And I like to make sure that I need to be... like that as little as possible."
  28. 21:55 <Rasia> "..."
  29. 21:57 - KuteboldCeifru changes nick to Keifru
  30. 21:58 * Rasia hangs her head, rubbing at her forehead. "I...I don't know."
  31. <Liam_Quinn> "Hmm?"
  32. 21:59 <Rasia> "I feel like I know a little less than when I came in."
  33. 22:00 - Keifru changes nick to DisembodiedVoice
  34. 22:01 <Liam_Quinn> "What do you mean?"
  35. <Rasia> "Look. This is clearly a clusterfuck. Let's wait until some kind of fucking lull in this bullshit to sort our shit out."
  36. 22:02 * Rasia makes for the door.
  37. 22:05 <Liam_Quinn> "Well, suit yourself, you were the one to take it up with me..."
  38. <Rasia> "Shut up."
  39. 22:07 <Liam_Quinn> "Rasia?" I wait for her to turn to face me. "Thank you, for telling me..."
  40. <Rasia> "...Wh-. Like I was gonna keep lying about it."
  41. 22:09 <Rasia> </miniend, for reals>
  43. 16:38 <Liam_Quinn> <Conversation from the 9th between Quinn and Rasia>
  44. <Liam_Quinn> <continuation>
  45. 16:39 * Rasia rubs at her temples. "You're sure you don't remember anything useful from the test? Anything at all?"
  46. 16:40 <Liam_Quinn> "Like what? It's all kind of a blur..."
  47. 16:42 <Rasia> "So tell me about the blur. Fucking anything, Quinn."
  48. 16:44 <Liam_Quinn> I think back to it and feel my face get a little hot. "I don't know... I get the feeling it was stuff I shouldn't have seen..."
  49. 16:45 <Liam_Quinn> "Like, some very precious thoughts and words.
  50. * Rasia folds her arms. "All the more reason to fess up."
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  53. HLeviathan is also in #AdeptusEvangelion
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  55. <Liam_Quinn> "I... I wouldn't feel right saying so. It would be like you telling me about Elly's first crush or something. It'd probably be something you should ask Elly about."
  57. 16:53 <Liam_Quinn> "Why should you be the one I fess up to though? I didn't mean to, I'm sorry, but it's not fair to Elly if I tell you all this behind her back. I don't gossip like that..."
  58. 16:54 <Rasia> "So what am I supposed to do?"
  59. 16:56 * Liam_Quinn sighs and looks away. "I don't know, why do you want to know?"
  60. 16:58 <Rasia> "I don't know what makes Elly tick. Maybe if I did, I could help her more."
  61. 17:00 <Liam_Quinn> I feel a smile crack. I look back at Rasia. "You're helping her more than you could ever know, and I didn't even need to go through some crazy mind-trip about shit I didn't even understand to know that."
  62. 17:02 - Joined: Firespitter (~Firespitt@ABE6000C.BA0288AA.434A441A.IP)
  63. Firespitter is also in #NERVBerlinOOC and #AdeptusEvangelion
  64. 17:03 - Firespitter changes nick to Fires|Fuckinghomework
  65. <Rasia> "Tch. Clearly not enough, or she wouldn't be in the fucking hospital."
  66. 17:06 <Liam_Quinn> I'm not quite sure if I should answer her so I try to change the subject. "So... what did you see... in terms of the video I mean..."
  67. 17:07 - Joined: Firespirit (~Firespitt@ABE6000C.BA0288AA.434A441A.IP)
  68. Firespirit is also here as Fires|Fuckinghomework
  69. 17:08 <Rasia> "... Are you sure you wanna talk about it?"
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  72. 17:09 <Liam_Quinn> "No, but I think you might..."
  73. 17:13 <Rasia> "Why? Why were you like that? In the videos."
  74. <Liam_Quinn> "... What do you mean?"
  75. 17:15 <Rasia> "When you fight. It looks too much like me."
  76. 17:16 <Liam_Quinn> "I'm still missing something here..."
  77. 17:18 <Rasia> "Like that man you beat to death with your helmet?"
  78. 17:23 <Liam_Quinn> "Oh, that..." I feel my blood pressure rise a little with the memory, and my hand unconsciously brushes over the scar on my right cheek. "It was because I had to be. It's war and he's the tango. My helmet was on hand." I keep my voice level and without regret for the deed, but there seems to be some sort of guilt in my eyes.
  79. 17:24 * Rasia kicks the wall, though only half-heartedly.
  80. 17:25 <Rasia> "I don't buy that."
  81. 17:28 <Liam_Quinn> "What do you want me to say? I'm a soldier. It's my lot."
  82. 17:30 <Rasia> I wanted you to say you enjoyed it. "Forget it. Are you just fucking resigned to that? Killing people?"
  83. 17:33 <Liam_Quinn> "It's my job. I don't enjoy it, but if I can stop a gunrunner from supplying more wars or stop a human trafficking ring, I'll be satisfied with it. It's not like I have much else I'm good at."
  84. 17:34 <Rasia> She almost looks disappointed. Further away than she's really standing. "I guess."
  85. 17:38 <Liam_Quinn> "So... That wasn't all, was it?"
  86. 17:39 * Rasia counts silently on her fingers. "You said you didn't know my dad that well."
  87. 17:40 <Liam_Quinn> "Captain Jarah? I didn't"
  88. 17:41 <Rasia> "Well enough to have a picture or two with him."
  89. 17:43 <Liam_Quinn> "Really? I still have a picture with him in it? Was probably when I got my promotion. We were both spec ops officers, but he was Recon, I was Strike. I didn't really work with him all that much."
  90. 17:44 <Rasia> "Yeah, you said that." No real answers at all...
  91. 17:45 <Liam_Quinn> "To be honest, I sort of avoided him. I... I don't really have a very good opinion of your father, so I'm not really a good source on him..."
  92. <Rasia> "Better than nothing."
  93. 17:46 <Liam_Quinn> "You don't really want to hear about him from me..." I give her a look.
  94. * Rasia glares back at him. "Try me."
  95. 17:53 * Liam_Quinn sighs. "Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you. Captain Emanuel Jarah was, quite frankly, everything that pisses me off about special operators. From what I've experienced, he's more about pleasing brass and lining his own political pocket than actually getting the job done. Sure, he looked after his own men without a problem, but he wouldn't hesitate to use other friendlies like meatshields for his own men."
  96. <Liam_Quinn> "As much as I could have told, that man was a coward."
  97. 17:54 <Liam_Quinn> "But of course, I could be wrong. Strike IS considered the ass end of special ops."
  98. <Rasia> "Either hate the man or don't. Quit trying to piss around like that."
  99. 17:57 <Liam_Quinn> "Oh, I don't hate him, I pity him, and his men. A bunch of pansies with suppressors and heartbeat monitors. Just kinda makes me sick when they waltz by after we were the ones to clear a villiage of tangos to clear a way to the objective."
  100. <Liam_Quinn> "Tsch, I don't want talk about that anymore if it's alright..."
  101. 17:58 <Rasia> "Tch. Whatever. S'not like you're not saying anything new."
  102. 18:01 <Liam_Quinn> "Sorry... I didn't want to give you as bad of an impression of your dad as mine. Every girl should be able to smile for her father..."
  103. - HLeviathan changes nick to James_Arroyo
  104. 18:02 <Rasia> "Hah! Too fuckin' late for that one, chief."
  105. 18:05 <Liam_Quinn> "Well, you have anything else?"
  106. 18:06 <Rasia> Disappointment again. "I guess not."
  107. <Liam_Quinn> "Or are you done digging into my life? Do you have the spare key?"
  108. 18:07 <Rasia> "Spare key?"
  109. 18:08 <Liam_Quinn> "I inspected the lock, it wasn't scratched up, so I assume you used the spare key I have lying around."
  110. 18:10 <Rasia> "Uh..." Picture...
  111. <Liam_Quinn> "You didn't lose it, did you?"
  112. 18:11 <Rasia> "No, no."
  113. 18:12 <Liam_Quinn> "Then do you have it?" Okay... kinda weird...
  114. * Rasia digs into her shirt. Out comes the key, after a moment's pause. "There."
  115. 18:15 <Liam_Quinn> "Alright, I'm going to keep it in the usual spot. If you need access to the guns in here, like in case of a burglery or something, there's rocksalt in the top drawer." I move towards the frame to put it away, somewhat grateful that she didn't ask about the picture there.
  116. 18:16 <Liam_Quinn> "..."
  117. 18:36 <Liam_Quinn> I open the back of the frame to... no picture. I flip the frame over, look around, behind the desk, and everywhere else in the immediate vicinity of the frame. "... Where is it" I say, words ice cold through my lips.
  118. 18:37 * Rasia digs into her shirt again. "Right here. Who's the girl?"
  119. 18:42 * Liam_Quinn moves with unnatural speed and strength to sntach it from Rasia's hand. I straighten it out and put it into the frame. "WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" My words were as sonic knives with the raise in voice, but my face wasn't angry, it was almost... fearful? "WHY DID YOU TAKE THAT OUT OF THE FRAME?"
  120. 18:43 * Rasia stumbles back a step, eyes wide. "What the fuck, Quinn, it's just a picture."
  121. 18:47 <Liam_Quinn> I catch myself, turn around quickly, slamming my hands on the desk to keep balance, and a kick to the desk for good measure. "Yeah... you're right... sorry..." Maybe if I calmed down she would drop it? Yeah, fat chance...
  122. <Rasia> "Never told me who the girl is." Least he didn't punch the wall...
  123. 18:49 <Liam_Quinn> "I... I don't talk about that, not any more..."
  124. 18:50 <Liam_Quinn> "Not ever..." I get back ahold of myself and stand back up, turn around and offer a smile.
  125. * Rasia scowls.
  126. 18:51 <Rasia> "Not acceptable."
  127. 18:52 <Liam_Quinn> The smile fades. "There are some parts of me I don't want you to know, parts that I don't want to know myself."
  128. <Rasia> "Too bad."
  129. 19:02 <Liam_Quinn> "You're awful nosey for someone who's known me for all of 4 weeks..." I narrow my eyes, maybe calling her out.
  130. 19:03 <Liam_Quinn> "Why do you need to know?"
  131. 19:05 * Rasia regains ground, stepping forward. "Because nobody does that over a picture unless it's important. How can I trust you if I don't know what's important to you?"
  132. 19:07 <Liam_Quinn> Trust... that word softens my expression. For some reason it hits me harder than I thought. I leave a long period of deafening silence.
  133. 19:08 * Rasia stands right where she is, expression stony.
  134. 19:10 <Liam_Quinn> And then relent. I sit down sigh, and look at my hands, slumped forward. My face takes on a palor tone. "H-her name was Nadia... Nadia Nabakov. She was my spotter when I was a sniper. She... she died."
  135. 19:12 * Rasia takes a light breath, testing the waters. "Did you love her?"
  136. <Liam_Quinn> Just slightly... I nod.
  137. <Liam_Quinn> but only after a long pause.
  138. 19:14 <Rasia> Her scowl melts away. "...Sorry." Can't imagine how I'd react if I lost a picture of Elly.
  139. 19:16 <Liam_Quinn> Slowly, I nod again.
  140. 19:17 - Fires|Fuckinghomework has quit IRC: Ping timeout: 240 seconds
  141. 19:18 * Rasia leans on the desk, looking at her feet for a moment. "Uh. Should I go?"
  142. 19:19 <Liam_Quinn> "If that's all..." I mumble. I sit up and take a deep breath, recomposing myself, even trying to curl the edges of my mouth into a smile.
  143. 19:20 <Rasia> "I mean... you tell me talking about stuff like that helps, right?"
  144. 19:21 <Liam_Quinn> "Yeah, sure..." I'm still quiet.
  145. 19:22 <Rasia> "... Well, I'm listening."
  146. 19:23 <Liam_Quinn> "To what..."
  147. 19:24 <Rasia> "You. Storytime," After a moment of thought on her next word, "Liam."
  148. 19:26 <Liam_Quinn> "..." I can feel what I was holding down just a moment ago move up my throat. "No... I don't tell war stories..."
  149. 19:27 <Rasia> "But I have to tell stories? No dice, Lieutenant."
  150. 19:33 <Liam_Quinn> "You have no stories to match mine, and I've already said more about this to you than I've told anyone for eight years. I've lived for far longer than I should have..."
  151. 19:34 * Rasia folds her arms. "You know I won't be satisfied with that."
  152. 19:36 <Liam_Quinn> "You'll have to be. I was a different man then..." My eyes plead with her.
  153. 19:37 <Rasia> "And I need to know how you got from then to now!"
  154. 19:40 <Liam_Quinn> So close, I can feel the acid burning the back of my throat. I keep going though. "She died... and I forced myself... away from who I was before..." My face is beginning to lose its composure, twitching ever so slightly.
  155. 19:41 <Liam_Quinn> "That's all... you need... to know..."
  156. <Rasia> That doesn't bode well at all. Rasia wraps her arms around herself. "Fine."
  157. 19:52 <Liam_Quinn> "Right, I need to go to the bathroom then." I get up and quickly move for the john, closing the door behind me to give tribute to the porcelian gods.
  158. 19:53 - Joined: Fires|Fuckinghomework (~Firespitt@39F204C8.3A998617.6D52A469.IP)
  159. Fires|Fuckinghomework was previously here at 15:42 as Firespitter and Fires|Away
  160. 19:54 - Fires|Fuckinghomework changes nick to Firespitter
  161. * Rasia lets her head hang. What, not trying to get rid of me, are you?
  162. 19:59 <Rasia> "..." --That's not good. Rasia bolts to the bathroom, obviously not barging in. "Quinn, you okay?"
  163. 20:00 * Liam_Quinn gets it all out into the water, coughing up the last bits of the ice cream, the edge of the LCL from earlier. A few seconds to be sure it was all over, and I toss back a couple of glasses of water at the sink. Breathing heavily, I step out to see Raz.
  164. * Rasia was standing right there outside the door.
  165. 20:03 <Liam_Quinn> I lean forward and wrap my arms around Rasia to give her a hug. "Thanks for listening though..."
  166. <Rasia> "Wh--I thought you didn't want to tell the story."
  167. 20:05 <Liam_Quinn> "I didn't... I still don't... Thanks for listening anyway..." I leave a pause. "But... why do you want to hear about my bullshit?"
  168. 20:08 <Rasia> "...Just curious."
  169. - James_Arroyo changes nick to HLeviathan
  170. 20:12 * Liam_Quinn pulls Rasia away and holds her at arms length, a hand on each shoulder, and give a slight look of disbelief. "You were really that insistant with me because you were curious? That doesn't sound like you..."
  171. 20:13 <Rasia> "Yeah, well...uh..."
  172. 20:14 <Liam_Quinn> "Yeah?" I give a receptive look, best not to turn her away.
  173. 20:16 <Rasia> "Forget it."
  174. 20:17 <Liam_Quinn> "Hey, I don't get to do that to you, you don't get to do that to me..."
  175. 20:19 * Rasia chews the inside of her cheek. Goddammit. "It's just something I'm trying to figure out."
  176. 20:20 <Liam_Quinn> I lean back on the bathroom door and cross my arms. "Yeah?  Maybe I could help you out with that."
  177. 20:24 * Rasia squirms a little where she stands. "S'what I had hoped, too."
  178. 20:26 <Liam_Quinn> Something lightens in my stomach. It's what I'd do anyway, but to hear Raz say it... "Well?"
  179. 20:27 <Rasia> "Well, I don't think you can anymore. Don't worry about it."
  180. 20:28 <Liam_Quinn> A frown forms a bit. "How's that? Could you at least tell me what you were trying to figure out?"
  181. 20:29 <Rasia> "It's nothing special."
  182. 20:31 <Liam_Quinn> "Are you going to keep dancing around it or tell me aready?" I raise an eyebrow. She's good at this...
  183. 20:32 * Rasia bites down, shoulders hunching up. "You can't help anyway. No point in telling you."
  184. 20:34 <Liam_Quinn> "Try me." Giving the same resolve when Rasia said the same thing earlier.
  185. 20:36 * Rasia taps her heel on the wall behind her. Do I owe him... "I thought you were like me. That's all."
  186. 20:39 <Liam_Quinn> For some reason, it lightened my heart a bit. "How's that?"
  187. 20:41 <Rasia> "When you fought. I was hoping you got angry. Enjoyed it."
  188. 20:44 <Liam_Quinn> A deep breath, a long exhale. "I do get angry... But I never enjoy it... I wouldn't be angry if I did. That's... that's kinda why I don't like getting angry around you kids..."
  189. 20:46 * Rasia looks at her feet.
  190. 20:47 <Rasia> "See why you can't help me?"
  191. 20:49 <Liam_Quinn> I wander into the kitchen, beckoning Raz with me. I pull out a cider and open it, sitting at the kitchen table, offering one to Rasia. "What do you want help with?"
  192. <Liam_Quinn> "You afraid you enjoy getting angry?"
  193. 20:50 <Rasia> "I'm not afraid, I know I do. I'm strong when I'm mad."
  194. 20:52 <Liam_Quinn> "So what, you're the Hulk now?" I imitate the hulk voice "You won't like me when I'm angry" and back. "What do you need help with?" I take another sip.
  195. 20:53 * Rasia scowls, clenching her fists. "IF YOU'RE JUST GONNA MAKE FUN OF ME..." Shame burns on her cheeks.
  196. 20:56 <Liam_Quinn> I put down my cider and look at her dead on serious. "What do you need help to do? Just name it, and I'll do everything I can to get you there."
  197. 20:57 <Rasia> "I don't...know. I need to keep doing what I do."
  198. 20:58 <Liam_Quinn> "What is it that you do?"
  199. 20:59 <Rasia> "Fight. Kill Angels and...I guess people."
  200. 21:01 <Liam_Quinn> I lean in, dead serious. "I will do whatever it takes to keep you from ever having to take a human life, and the Angels? I'm right by your side the whole time." I lean back. "But you knew that already."
  201. 21:02 * Rasia closes her eyes.
  202. 21:04 * Liam_Quinn sits in silence, waiting for a response from Rasia.
  203. 21:07 <Rasia> "I just don't want to enjoy it."
  204. 21:11 <Liam_Quinn> "..." I sit and rub some of the condensation off of the bottle. "I don't think you actually do..."
  205. <Rasia> "What?"
  206. 21:20 <Liam_Quinn> "If you really did... you wouldn't see anything wrong with it... you wouldn't actually care... But you do care... so how can you enjoy being angry like that if you hate it?" I measure my words carefully and watch the condensation spread around under my finger.
  207. 21:24 <Rasia> "...Never done something you loved, but you know it's still wrong?"
  208. 21:30 <Liam_Quinn> "You can't love something that's wrong to you. The fact that you actively want to change is enough to show that. You've never killed anyone, and I don't ever want you to, but if you did, you'd understand. Just take my word on it." I finally grasp the bottle and take a swig.
  209. 21:33 <Rasia> "If you say so... Can I have a drink?"
  210. 21:36 * Liam_Quinn slides the bottle across the table. "You really are a good kid..."
  211. 21:37 * Rasia takes a drink, head falling back. "If you say so." Little broken record there, Raz.
  212. 21:39 <Liam_Quinn> "Hey, I mean it. You try and convince me otherwise, but a bad kid wouldn't have given a rat's ass about my petty bullshit" I lean back myself and put my hands behind my head.
  213. 21:42 <Rasia> "You think it's petty? Why?"
  214. 21:45 <Liam_Quinn> "I'm honestly not all that interesting. Sure, my life ends up getting played out like an action movie or one of those cartoons from Japan, but I
  215. 21:49 <Rasia> "Oh please. No soldier's life is boring, we both know that." She slides the bottle back towards him.
  216. 21:56 <Liam_Quinn> "Oh yeah, life's fascinating, I get a commrade and friend blown up ever other week." The sarcasm is pretty apparent. I take a sip "What's petty is my reaction to it. It's really stopped bothering me all that much any more, so I agonize over it from time to time. But whatever, that's life, gotta keep on going, right?" I slide the bottle back again.
  217. 21:58 <Rasia> "Everything scars over eventually." She takes her own sip.
  218. 22:04 <Liam_Quinn> "Yeah... eventually... But you kids... you guys really got under my skin faster than I was ready for..." especially you Raz. "Usually, I can trust those blown up commrades to give it their all in something they they knew they were getting into. Having kids like you around has changed some things..."
  219. 22:05 * Liam_Quinn gives a weak and slightly nervous chuckle. What the hell am I talking about?
  220. 22:06 <Rasia> "Like what?"
  221. 22:07 <Liam_Quinn> "I don't know... it's just that things have felt... different. They kind of feel different after today..."
  222. 22:08 * Rasia looks at her hands. "Guess you're used to saving them instead?" Another sip of cider.
  223. 22:10 <Liam_Quinn> Right, thos press pictures. I crack a grin "Yeah... something like that..."
  224. 22:17 <Liam_Quinn> "We'll figure some way through this..." I get up and muss up Rasia's hair. "If you want to talk anymore, I'll be in my room meditating a bit"
  225. 22:18 * Rasia blinks. "Meditating?"
  226. 22:19 <Liam_Quinn> "Yeah, I do that every once in a while to help me relax a bit, or have something to do when I have nothing better. You never noticed?"
  227. 22:20 <Rasia> "No. What's it like?"
  228. 22:21 * Liam_Quinn shrugs. "Kind of relaxing? I don't know, it's just something I do..."
  229. 22:22 <Rasia> "How? Just sit and go 'oohm'?"
  230. 22:25 <Liam_Quinn> "Nah, it's not like some zen bullshit. It helps me keep focused sometimes is  all."
  231. <Rasia> "..."
  232. 22:29 <Liam_Quinn> "..." The pause is a little obvious. "You want me to show you?"
  233. 22:30 <Rasia> She doesn't say no... "Well..."
  234. 22:33 <Liam_Quinn> "..."
  235. 22:35 <Rasia> "I guess."
  236. 22:36 <Liam_Quinn> "Alright, come on then..." something in my stomach fluttered. What's up with today?
  237. 22:39 - Nacht has quit IRC: Ping timeout: 240 seconds
  238. <Liam_Quinn> After we get into the room I invite her to sit on the floor and follow down. "Ugh, how do I do this again..."
  239. 22:41 * Rasia scratches her cheek.
  240. 22:42 - Joined: ZERO0 (
  241. ZERO0 is also in #NERVBerlinOOC
  242. 22:43 <Liam_Quinn> "Right...Close your eyes."
  243. <Rasia> "Oookay."
  244. 22:44 <Liam_Quinn> " Imagine... imagine everything that tears up your perception, your thoughts and feelings... and turn it into something you can see..."
  245. 22:46 <Rasia> "Heh."
  246. 22:48 <Liam_Quinn> After a pause, I speak again. "You have that in your mind?"
  247. 22:49 <Rasia> "Mhn."
  248. 22:50 - Joined: Nacht (
  249. Nacht was previously here at 22:39
  250. 22:54 <Liam_Quinn> I take the opportunity to look Raz over, something clicks in me, probably from the fragments of Elly's personality. "Alright, now slowly take that and take it back into you. Accept it, and absorb it, and let it course through you."
  251. 22:56 <Rasia> "U-uh...are you sure?" She squirms where she sits.
  252. 22:59 <Liam_Quinn> "Y-yeah... but you don't have to rush yourself, do it just a little at a time, like stepping into a warm bath."
  253. 23:00 <Rasia> "That's...look, I'm not sure I'm really built for this." An eye opens.
  254. 23:05 <Liam_Quinn> "Well, if you don't want to, I guess I can't make you... I guess it's just been so long since I started..." I pause to think for a moment. "Try this: Hold onto that object, and don't let it go, no matter ho much it might squirm.
  255. <Liam_Quinn> "
  256. 23:06 <Rasia> "Quit joking around!"
  257. 23:07 <Liam_Quinn> "Just relax and only tense when you need to." I close my eyes, bringing my own vision to mind. "keep going until it just calms down, and if it doesn't keep holding onto it until you feel a little more comfortable with it."
  258. 23:09 <Liam_Quinn> "I'm not joking around. It's about being comfortable with what's giving you problems and using it for yourself. At least I think that's how it works..."
  259. 23:10 <Rasia> "Well, if I'm supposed to make it look like something..."
  260. 23:13 <Liam_Quinn> I open my eyes. "It's just supposed to be some sort of visualized form. I just tend to see something of a formless black blob." I raise an eyebrow.
  261. <Rasia> "Blobs don't distract me."
  262. 23:15 * Liam_Quinn shruggs. "It's about the feeling and being able to alienate it, and then accept it back, or something like that. My first CO in strike taught me, really helped me get back on my feet..."
  263. 23:18 <Rasia> "Fine, fine. I'll try again."
  264. 23:22 <Liam_Quinn> "Alright, back up then. Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out, steady your breathing and focus on finding a center. Now, every little bit of you that confuses you and frustrates you, and splits your focus, bring it together into a single form right in front of you..."
  265. 23:23 <Liam_Quinn> After a pause, "You got that?"
  266. 23:24 <Rasia> "Sort of."
  267. 23:25 <Liam_Quinn> "Okay, now the moment that gets together, reach out and grab it."
  268. 23:28 <Rasia> "Hmph."
  269. 23:29 <Liam_Quinn> "once you have it in your hands, slowly, and carefully, bring it to yourself and hold onto it"
  270. 23:30 <Rasia> "Can't I smash it instead?"
  271. 23:34 <Liam_Quinn> "No, you need it. Your chaos is as much a part of you as your calm." I'm mumbling a little, apparently in my own zone.
  272. 23:35 <Rasia> "Fine..."
  273. 23:37 <Liam_Quinn> "Now just keep holding onto it until it calms..."
  274. 23:39 <Rasia> "There."
  275. 23:43 <Liam_Quinn> "Alright... now slowly... and carefully... take it back into yourself..." I speak through measured breath.
  276. 23:44 <Rasia> "Dammit!"
  277. 23:46 <Liam_Quinn> "Just relax... if it's moving too fast, just let it back out... no need to force it..." I'm squirming a bit, feeling out the object of my meditation.
  278. <Rasia> "Fine, fine..."
  279. 23:49 * Liam_Quinn just sits in silence, short the measured breathing patterns.
  280. <Rasia> "...Nothing's happening."
  281. 23:51 <Liam_Quinn> "Did you take it all in at once?"
  282. <Rasia> "Eh?"
  283. 23:52 <Liam_Quinn> "You don't have to force it... just take all that chaos back in a little at a time and let it homogenize..."
  284. 23:53 <Rasia> "I don't want to touch it."
  285. 23:55 <Liam_Quinn> I pull out of my meditation and look at Raz concernedly. "You can't keep running from it... you'll have to face it all sooner or later..."
  286. <Rasia> "No, I mean, the thing it looks like."
  287. 23:57 <Liam_Quinn> "It only looks like what you want it to look like. If it's something that really throws you off though, it might help if you just tackle into it anyway..."
  288. 23:58 <Rasia> "..."
  289. 23:59 <Liam_Quinn> "Well, you get the idea, right? Maybe you should just start slow, like just touching it."
  290. Sunday 13 June
  291. 00:00 <Liam_Quinn> "You know, get comfortable with these thoughts and feelings."
  292. <Rasia> "Just said I don't want to..."
  293. 00:02 * Liam_Quinn sighs. "Do you want to talk about it? Sounds like this is a pretty big issue..."
  294. 00:03 <Rasia> "No. Forget it."
  295. 00:05 <Liam_Quinn> "Alright, if you want to stop, it's fine. I should go start dinner anyway." I get up and head for the door, opening it. "Maybe you can try by yourself another time. I told you what you need to know, maybe you'll see something else..."
  296. 00:08 <Rasia> "Hmph." And she departs.
  297. 00:11 <Liam_Quinn> </endminiforrealzthistime>
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