Day 337 - Word training # 9

Day 337 - Word training # 9

I haven't gotten the letter yet, demanding my blade be returned.

It doesn't matter.  I'll purchase a new one when that happens.  It won't be magical, but it'll be sharp, and that's all I need.

What worries me is losing the shield.

I honestly didn't think I'd last this long.  I knew I'd try, but I figured a dumb mistake from some ignorant monster would do me in months ago.
No, that's not quite right.  I just didn't picture myself continuing to exist.  Like I'd expected myself to simply fall over dead one day.  That the universe would realize the mistake it had made and would finally correct it.

I won't go unprotected.  I won't become some random incubus wandering the land, paladin errant, ignorant and meaningless.  I won't become a sellsword.  I won't put away my weapon and devote myself to drudgery until old age finally sets right what I couldn't.

Regardless whether I'll leave the monsters be, or how I feel about them, I am impure.  I will not let my existence continue or propagate this impurity.

One option still remains: the war.  I can make myself useful there.  I can die properly there.

When the letter comes, that's when I'll move on.

---

I open the door to my apartment, feeling useless.  I can't concentrate on my work like this.

If I'm not able to do anything now, then why am I still doing my rounds?
If I'm not able to do anything, then why am I not dead?

“You are late for your training,” I hear my instructor say.  She's standing in my apartment, facing me square on.  Her hair is let down, for the first time I can recall.  It all but touches the floor.  Her expression, though, is no less sharp than always.
It takes me a moment to recognize that.  “I am not able to attend.”
“That will not do.  Your work is not done.”
“It is.  Soon I'll hear the official notice.  I won't be a paladin anymore.”
“That isn't how this works.”
“Ma'am, I-”
“Ureliah is my name.”
“-I'm not to be taught the words once I've left the order.”
“The words were gifted to the paladins for their noble deeds.  They never belonged to the orders, you were simply permitted to learn them.  You were the only ones who could.”

I lift my hands.  “I've no use for them where I'm going.”

“That isn't how this works.  You are a paladin.  You will prove that soon, whether you wish to or not.”

“None will find you wanting.”