monocular

>day 417 in Equestria
>Another peaceful morning whereupon the morning sun bathed you in its glorious light, rousing you from your slumber
>no hangover to ruin your day, you were as sober as they come.
>cider isn't alcohol, and salt was just something you put on fries
>duh
>you are interrupted in your morning ablutions by intense knocking at your door
>you are tempted to be less verbose in order to utilize your four letter expletives for the situation
>upon opening the door, you are greeted by fair Fluttershy, sporting a monocle
I say, a good morning to you, fair Fluttershy
>"Indeed, and 'tis a glorious morning, is it not?"
Quite
>"Sir Anon, if I may be so bold..."
What is it? Do speak up, dear.
>"If i might inquire, do these mannerisms and monocle of mine rustle your, as they say, jimmies?"
I'm terribly sorry Fluttershy, but these mannerisms are only in good jest, not in any way arousing.
>"Oh... okay"
>as you close the door on what could have been a nice uninterrupted day, you hear
>"Is it because I forgot the moustache?"

Blasted Fluttershy