I really don't want to leave, I really don't want to go without talking to you, hugging you, kissing you. I don't want to leave you, when I'm thinking of you, my palm hurts, I tried searching why is it that if I feel heartbroken, I feel pain in both of my hands. I don't know what to do, I've been crying like a little baby. I'm Scared, scared because if you see me cry again because I can't get us back to what we used to be, maybe, maybe you will think that I'm just acting my way and not really putting any feeling or thinking about what I did. I know I'm wrong and I feel so stupid about it. I love you so much and I will do everything for you and don't ever think that there was or there will be a time that I stopped or will stop loving you because each and every day since the day that I fell in love with you all I can think about every day is you, it pains me to think a life where I will not be able to see your face, to talk to you, to hold you, to kiss you. I'm sorry I can't be the person that you expected me to be. I'm sorry for everything I put you through, I'm sorry that I did what I did. Believe me, I'm hurting badly over this, I'm heartbroken and I can't seem to be able to forgive myself. Lately I feel like you don't love me the same anymore, because of what I did. And I honestly don't blame you, I was stupid enough to throw away 4 years and I'm selfish enough to complain.
You know, you're the only person who consumed me like that. It was like being a real person and having a reason to be happy. Not just a responsibility or an appearance to seem normal. It was the truest thing I've ever felt.
I can't change what I did, and I can't fix what's broken. I'd go back and change it all. I'd go back and make sure it never happened. Make sure you never experienced the destruction that I caused and the heart ache. But I know I'm unworthy of your love, and I’m so sorry for not being there at a time when you needed me most. I know I’ve been really insensitive at times, and I wish I was better for you, because you deserve more than that. You have always been there for me in difficult times and I am very grateful for that. You've been there for me when I felt like the whole world was against me, you stood by me through it all, and I have failed to return what you've done for me, which proves how bad of a person I am, and how badly I treat you, you deserve the world. And I hope one day I will be able to forgive myself for what I've done to you, and not only you, to US, this is something I never thought I'd do, I know you don't trust me anymore, and I understand. I wouldn't trust me either, but it was a mistake that meant nothing to me, I never stopped or will stop loving you, even if you hate me. I love you more than anything I live for, you are my rock and always will be my one only. No matter how hard I try to deny that. I love you so much, and I wish you would forgive me. Maybe it will help me be able to forgive myself.
I'm sorry.